To say that her room was a mess was an understatement. Designer clothes lay on her bed in an unruly manner, expensive shoes lined across the floor (some, even missing their pair), and branded bags stand upright on the small kitchen counter in her hotel room.

Addison's not known to pack last minute before her travels (it was more Derek's avenue), but for some reason, she'd been stalling moving her life—again—for weeks. Of course, she knew why she'd been putting off the chore of packing her stuff for weeks, but she was not one to entertain the thought. Instead, she busied herself with work by day and drank herself to sleep by night. But, as much as Addison tried to slow down time, or at the very least, forget that time does pass by, the days move by quickly. It's as if it's been waiting to shove Addison out of Seattle.

The redhead longingly looked over at her belongings. When she moved to Seattle almost two years ago, she had only brought two suitcases with her. Now, she doesn't know how to fit everything she owns into a box. She doesn't even know how to put her life in Seattle—her life with Derek—into a box.

A sharp knock from the door broke Addison's soliloquy. She strode to the entrance, tightening her tencel robe across her waist.

"Who is it?" She asked as she swiftly opened the door. Her not-so-tipsy demeanor didn't even bother to check the peephole before greeting the guest. If it was an ax murderer, then so be it; her life had already ended months ago, anyway.

It wasn't an ax murderer. It was her ex-husband. She doesn't know what's worse.

"Addie," he softly called. Derek had a disheveled look that she still couldn't decide if it positively added to the woodchopping fisherman look he was currently sporting. Derek looked...distraught. A slight tinge of hope bloomed inside her chest, but she had no reason left to let it grow. Not now. Not even when he looked like he cried and hadn't slept in a week.

Addison sighed, "What are you doing here? it's—"

"Two in the morning. I know," he replied, not looking at her. He stared at the carpeted floor of her hotel room with his fists shoved in his pockets.

"Did you just come out of surgery?" No, Addison thought. She took one last look at the operating schedule earlier and saw that Derek had no surgeries scheduled in the next few days.

"No," he shook his head. "I actually have been home for hours. I've just been thinking—"

"Shocking."

Only then did Derek take a good look at her. "Don't start. And don't deflect. You're leaving tomorrow."

Now, that did shock her. While the news of her moving to Los Angeles wasn't exactly a secret, Addison never told anyone of her departure date except for Richard. And Bailey. And Callie. Who probably told everyone else. "I thought you used to pray for times like this?"

When he didn't answer, Addison opened the door wider and let him in, sensing that Derek had come to say his goodbyes. They deserved to have at least one last conversation before she left. Their eleven years of marriage deserved that courtesy. And...it's only fitting that the first and last person she talked to in Seattle would be Derek.

He smiled weakly. "You sure you want to move down to L.A.? There's not much there—I mean, it has Hollywood and beaches, but it's not the greatest place in the world, and it doesn't have the best hospitals on the West Coast either."

She rolled her eyes as she poured him a glass of bourbon. "Did you just come here to comment on my life choices? You could have done that weeks ago when I finalized my resignation. Not that you have any right to do that anymore."

Once again, Derek was left tongue-tied. When she first came here, every conversation with her then-husband felt like a verbal spar. Now, it's like his wits had been dimmed, and Addison is quickly growing tired of it. So, she shoves the drink into his hand and returns to packing her clothes.

"My flight is in a few hours," she started, finally breaking the silence that had hogged the room for the past minutes. "Why did you really come here?"

"Stay." He said.

Addison looks up to him with an unbelieving look. Surely, he must be toying with her. Just months ago, he treated Addison like he'd be the one to send her away to L.A. for good. If he actually actively hated her and wasn't just utterly indifferent towards her, he'd be the one to buy her a plane ticket to anywhere but Seattle. They both knew that.

So why was Derek looking at her like the love of his life was leaving?

"What?" She spat, challenging him to repeat what he said.

"Don't leave Seattle," Derek said more firmly this time.

She scoffs, not believing any word that comes out of his mouth. "Don't leave Seattle, or don't leave you?"

"Does it really matter?"

"No, because I'm leaving, Derek. I can't keep waiting by the wings, watching you continue your life like nothing happened."

"What do you mean? Yours is the best department in Seattle Grace. You're not waiting by the wings."

"You don't understand, do you?" Addison shoved the last of her blouses inside her suitcase and shut it close. "In this city, you're McDreamy, and I'll always be Satan. Not that I don't mind being called that, but here, nothing goes wrong for you. You date the perfect intern, you're running for chief, everyone loves you, everything goes right for you. And I... I only needed one person in this city, and he couldn't even look at me. There's only so much I can take, Derek. I want you to be happy, but I also need you to be happy, too. I can't do that here."

When she first came to Seattle, she had a mission in mind. Take Derek back home with her to New York. In her mind, it would be a two-week job. Two weeks went by, and he was still mad at her. Then, it became two months. Months flew past them, and he's still having the time of his life punishing her. Then, it became two years. And while his mission to punish Addison had died down for a reasonable amount of time already, nothing about Seattle felt like home.

Not when the only person she called home wanted nothing to do with her.

So, never mind if she's got the best department in the entirety of the West Coast. Never mind if she's got patients flying from other parts of the country to see her. Never mind if she's Richard's favorite and has been hinting at her to become Chief of Surgery.

She doesn't want to live somewhere she's not wanted. Needed, maybe, but not wanted. Nothing's left for her in Seattle.

"I'm sorry if I made this city a living hell for you," Derek said after a while. She knew him as one of the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet, but nothing about the quasi-apology he dropped sounded fake.

She shrugs, "It's fitting for my nickname."

"If you leave," Derek starts as he walks towards the bed to sit beside her. "Nothing will go right for me. If you get on that plane tomorrow, all the good that's left will vanish with you."

"And if I stay, what would become of me? I won't be reduced to whatever version of myself the hospital made me into to help you stay sane. You're selfish, Derek. You have to let me go."

"I need you," he chokes out. Was he crying? "Addison, I need you."

"Why?" Suddenly feeling repugnant to him, she took a step away from Derek and poured herself a glass of liquor.

"I can't imagine going through the halls of Seattle Grace without the annoying sound of your shoes," he tried to joke, but it only earned him a scoff and a roll of her eyes.

"That's not a real reason. Try again."

"You're the only one that keeps me sane. And I—"

She cut him off before he could say anything that he'd take back if she stayed, and she got on his nerves again. "That's not a real reason either. Just let me go, Derek. Make it easy for the both of us."

"No."

"Why are you fighting me on this, Derek? You didn't fight like this when you saw me and Mark. And you surely didn't fight like this when I asked you to sign those divorce papers. So, pray tell, why now?"

He stood up quickly and gently tugged her wrist, willing her to look at him. "I still love you, alright?"

She took a sharp breath. Why now, Derek?

"I don't know what it means for us, but I can't let you go because I'm still in love with you. Call me a selfish prick, but I can't let you step foot in that airport without begging you to stay. And I am begging you now, please, don't go."

Tears sprung in her eyes as she did everything she could not to kiss him then and there. "You don't love me, Der. You just don't want me to go. Those are two different things."

He used his free hand to cup her cheek. "I realized that I still love you because just the thought of not seeing you tears me apart."

Addison wanted to call him out for his selfish reasoning, but he beat her to it. "Look, I know I haven't been the most attentive ex-husband, and I haven't exactly been nice either, but ever since you announced that you're leaving for L.A., the fear of losing you never left."

"I can't stay here, Derek. Not where I can see you pine after Meredith and crawl back to me when things get rough for the two of you."

He shakes his head no, "Meredith and I... we haven't been seeing each other for months now."

Addison laughs because what did it matter?

"I have a life waiting for me there. One where my past mistakes won't come up creeping every time I see you, and Mark, and Meredith. It's my fresh start. You did it once, too," she reminded him.

"I know. And I know how much that means to you. I just couldn't let you go without telling you this first. I hope you'll be happy, Addie. I really do."

He looked at her with a soft smile, and she knew then that he meant it. Everything that he said earlier was true. But as much as she wanted to stay, she couldn't.

And there it was. The reason she couldn't leave Seattle. She didn't want to leave Derek, no matter their history. And it seems that Derek didn't wish to Addison to go either, no matter their history.

What she knows, however, is that at some point, she has to leave Derek, and she'll have to live a life that isn't tied to him. Addison believes she has to do it now.

No anesthesia.

Against her better judgment, she stands on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss on his lips. He immediately responds, turning a small peck into something worthy of a goodbye. And she reveled in it, but not for too long.

She stepped back from him, allowing a single tear to fall from her eyes. "I love you, Derek. After everything, I still do. And I will always love you. But I need to do this for myself."

"Okay. I... understand," he nodded as he sighed in defeat. "Can you promise to call me once in a while? Whenever you're feeling lonely? Or when you've had a successful surgery. Or when you're eating lunch. I don't care, I'm here."

It was only then that she let out the sob she'd been holding back for the past few days. He immediately wraps his arms around her and lets her stay there for a while, not caring if her tears and mascara streaks stain his shirt. At least he'll get a reminder of her.

Minutes passed, and they stayed that way. And they stayed that way long after Addison's sobs subsided. And if it only were up to her, they would stay that way for the next few hours. But she still had suitcases to pack. And if he doesn't leave her hotel room, she knows that she won't leave his arms and, ultimately, Seattle.

What will become of her, then?

So, Addison pushes him out of her hotel room despite his protests and lets herself cry again after she locks the door. She still has time to pack later. For now, she'll grieve the life she'll have without Derek Shepherd.

He should have known better than to beg her to stay hours before her flight to Los Angeles. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, just like most of the decisions he'd been making since he fled west two years ago.

It was Richard who told him earlier that day about Addison's departure. He knew that she'd be flying down to California soon, but he didn't know when. Derek realized now that he should have talked to her the minute he heard of her plans to move south. Perhaps she'd be more willing to listen to him pour out his feelings for her had they not been in such a vulnerable state hours ago.

But what's done is done.

He checks his phone for the time: 8:43 AM. She's probably boarding her gates at the airport now. She's probably nestling a hot cup of coffee while reading a travel brochure about what to expect in Los Angeles.

God, he couldn't stop thinking about her. The irony of it all makes him laugh. It's downright hilarious that he couldn't even look her in the eye when they were still married, and the minute the ink dries on their divorce papers, and he's finally free from any obligations, he starts seeing her again.

Why now, Derek? Same question, Addison.

For more than a year, he'd been so indifferent and vile towards her, but all she did was accept all the hatred he sent her way with such grace. He knew that, and he was still unpleasant to her. Then, they signed the papers, and he could finally start seeing her and the things that made him fall for her almost seventeen years ago.

He lets himself see how compassionate Addison is with her patients and how friendly and generous she is with her colleagues. He allows himself to see how loving she is to his family even after they treated her horrendously for what happened. He lets himself see how strong she is after all the hell Seattle throws at her. He allows himself to adore her from afar, and it's beginning to eat him alive. You see, Derek's never loved her from a distance before.

So, he attempted to sleep it all off when he returned to his trailer, but he failed no matter how hard he tried. He almost went to the hospital for an early shift, but he knew that it would only remind him of her. If he wasn't in the right mind, he'd probably storm off somewhere he knew wouldn't remind him of Addison. Arkansas? Colorado, perhaps? But he already did that once, and all the chasing and running away does get tiring after a while.

Soft knocks startled him from his reverie, followed by a voice he would know anywhere. "Derek?"

He ran to the door (if running was even possible with the minimal space he had in his tin box of a home) and immediately opened it for her. "Aren't you supposed to be on a plane?"

She shook her head sadly. "I couldn't get in," Addison explained. "I couldn't even check my bags in."

He didn't know what to say, so he just invited her in. Without a word, Addison steps inside the trailer, and he can see her take it all in again. Nothing much has changed since she moved to the Archfield. If she left a pair of shoes somewhere in the trailer, she'd still find it untouched and unmoved. He'd know because he spent most of his nights sleeping in an on-call room after the divorce—the trailer suddenly felt too large for a divorced man like him.

"Are you staying?" He couldn't help but ask. After all, he did beg her to stay the night before, and he's sure that if he hadn't shown up in her hotel room, she'd be long gone by now.

She shrugs. "I don't know."

"That's fair, I suppose."

Derek looked at her as she stared silently at the ceiling of his so-called home. He could see tears form in her eyes, and if she's still the Addison he married more than a decade ago, he's certain she's overthinking her self-delayed departure.

"Hey," he asked when the silence became too much for him. "Are you okay?"

She took a sharp intake of breath but said nothing.

"Addison," he softly called.

She looks back at him and smiles weakly.

"Addie," he tried again.

Addison stood before Derek, wrapped in her khaki trench coat, hands shaking. It almost reminded him of the first time she stepped foot in Seattle. "Come to L.A. with me," she started. "I know we're not together, I don't know what we're doing, and I was certain that you hated me until twelve hours ago. But I'm scared to go anywhere without you."

"You think L.A. would suit me?" He asked, reaching over to grab her hand.

Addison shrugs, "You look like you could surf." He couldn't. They both knew that Derek had already taken surfing lessons the summer before he entered medical school, but he gave her a lopsided grin he knew she loved.

"What about your fresh start?"

"I need one, I do," Addison replied. "But twelve years ago, I vowed to be with you 'til my last breath, and that includes all my fresh starts. L.A. would be weird without you."

He takes one look at her, and he knows that he's ready to jump. What's one last impulsive decision to add to his track record, right?

"Okay," he answers before Addison can change her mind.

"Okay?"

Derek smiles, "Okay."

"Okay. No anesthesia."

"No anesthesia," he mirrors her before he pulls her into an embrace.

That same day, he cut his contract with Seattle Grace short without much of a protest from anyone. Richard knows that it is only a matter of time before one of them leaves—and he knows that the other will follow, no matter how messy their marriage gets. Derek packs most of his belongings in a single suitcase (to Addison's surprise) and sells the trailer and land the week after.

They were out of Seattle in less than two weeks, and no one in the Seattle Grace gossip mill bothered to hide their surprise. After all, they did give the hospital some really great entertainment for more than a year. They were all betting on how soon Derek would run back to Meredith, not the other way around.

Some, however, were less surprised, Richard and Mark included. Over the decades, they saw how much Addison and Derek love each other, even when they were at an impasse. So, it wasn't really a surprise to them (or anyone who knew the couple really well) that Derek and Addison would find their way back together.

It's just a truth of life. Addison and Derek, it's just how it is. They're not together, and they probably won't marry again, but when she's in his arms, it's hard not to see a future for them again. And when she looks at him with a thousand promises in her eyes, there's nothing left to do but let her lead and follow anywhere she goes.