This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh
This love left a permanent mark…
Olivia sang along to her Spotify playlist in her car on the way to the 1-6, the lines sung only slightly off key in her warm voice. This song always made her think of Elliot.
She had tossed and turned endlessly in the months following his sudden departure from the squadroom, and her life. She had tried to move on with David Haden for all the good it did her. Struggled through the nights. Although at least she had gotten a warm body and a number of good orgasms out of the deal which was something.
He was gone. Until he wasn't. Until that fateful night when he showed up across a crowded scene meeting her eyes amongst a sea of others. Like two fading ships in the night fated to have to fight against sinking in the strong waves of life unless they were paired together, leaning on one another to get each other to shore.
And it was as if he was a ghost back from the dead. Reappeared in her life, the prodigal son returned. There was a permanent mark on her heart with his name on it. It took her years to admit that to herself. But she had been in love with one Elliot Joseph Stabler for as long as she could remember. She had even had a quick fling with a man who reminded her of him, same blue eyes and kind smile. But it was like getting a watered down glass of orange juice. Has some taste, but lacks the real flavor, the body that makes it taste just right.
When Cragen had told her her partner was gone, it was as if a bullet shot straight through to her heart. She fell to her knees in a quiet interrogation room, one thatbthey had used many times before- together. Tears streamed down her pretty face, pooling in her big brown eyes. They had run the NY streets for so many years, case after case, marching side by side, matching each other's strides. And once he was gone it was as if she had lost a limb.
But you come back to what you need. And he came back to her, eventually. The long way round. He had gifted her that beautiful golden compass right before he had gone on his latest assignment. But this time he had been keeping in touch, calling her from his hotel room in rural Pennsylvania, a dingy cheap room with basic white walls.
Speaking of the man himself, her phone startled her from her thoughts, "incoming facetime call from Elliot Stabler" appearing on her phone screen.
She clicked the green accept call button and kept her eyes on the road, his voice flowing through her car and warming her up from the inside. "Hey, El."
The smile in his voice was evident. "You know Liv..I was thinking. I haven't really had good luck in kitchens lately. What do you say we change that? Come over for dinner tonight? I'm leaving now and I'll be back in the city in a few hours. I'm done with my assignment. I'm coming home."
She bit back a smile. "I suppose that could be arranged.. Say 7?"
Elliot nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and biting back a grin, trying to hide his surprise at her response so he wouldn't scare her off.
"I can't wait. I'll cook. All you have to do is show up. I'll see you soon Liv." He hung up, whistling to himself.
Elliot couldn't believe his luck, but at the same time didn't want to rush it. On the other hand…it had been 25 long years. He was ready to push past "friends for now" and barrel full steam ahead into "partners for life". But life didn't work that way. Their history didn't work that way. And he would wait as long as it took. Even if it took years and his dick got so blue that it fell off. He would wait. Because while he longed for the physical with her it wasn't about the fucking (although he knew that would be amazing). It was about her trusting him enough to make love to her, be soft and sweet and possessive and rough and help her forget the hard days and get lost in the good ones. It was about him holding her and being there for her. Being her partner in every sense of the word. Which started with him cooking her a meal he hoped she'd enjoy. He started prepping, working up until 6:30 when he cleaned up, took a quick shower, and changed into a dark gray Henley and jeans.
At 7:02, he opened his door to a nervous looking Olivia Benson in a pale blue sweater with a deep vee, and tight jeans.
"You look beautiful Liv." His eyes sparked, looking at her. Ready for a date with him. "Then again you always look beautiful to me. Whether you're all dressed up, or exhausted with your hair all mussed after three days searching for some kid that you won't give up on even when everyone else has. I always used to get so jealous, watching you get dressed up for dates with other men. This…this is much better."
"You're crazy Stabler. But thank you, El." Olivia tucks a hair behind her ear, sitting down at the table. "Thank you for cooking. I don't often have time to sit down for a homemade meal, let alone one that I don't have to cook. The takeout man knows my order by heart." She chuckles warmly, digging into her meal and letting out a soft moan. "Shit, Stabler, you can cook. It's really good, thank you."
Elliot returns her grin, reaching forward to stroke her cheek, knocking over the sugar in the process. "Liv, I.. shit!"
Elliot chuckled nervously. " I guess we won't have any trouble finding the sugar this time huh?"
Olivia's gaze darkened. " It's not funny Elliot. This isn't easy for me."
"And you think it's easy for me? You still don't trust me. Do you.. It's why you "want to" but can't let us move forward. I'm trying Olivia. I want to be the man you trust."
"Do you ever think about WHY I might have trouble trusting you Elliot? You told me you loved me in front of your entire family in the middle of an intervention. You gave me a letter written by your dead wife that was meant to hurt me. Did you really think that I didn't know that she wrote it before you showed up in your drugged haze and told me? You get so possessive, so jealous. You would never in a million years write me a letter in which you wished me well with another man. You are the only person Elliot, the only person that I have ever let close enough to break my heart like that. Like you did. You are the only person who ever got enough of me to break my heart."
"Did she hold you tight Elliot? Did she love you the way that I would have? Her voice breaks. The way that I still do even after I tried over and over again to try and forget you?! To not love you? So she better have loved you with everything in her. She better have looked into those beautiful eyes of yours and knew just how damn lucky she was. Because I wasn't so lucky. I didn't get to lay with you every night. I got to be on stakeouts alone, without you. Sitting in my car singing songs, that should be a duet, that we used to stupidly sing off key to. I drove home alone every night. Without my partner by my side, I turned out the light and there was no one to tell me to blink it. Do you know how many sleepless nights you caused me? You. Not the job. You. You were the reason."
"And I tried, I really did move on. I wasn't just alone and pining for you all these years. But no one ever measured up. Not Ed. He wanted me to retire- and you've met me. I almost laughed in his face. Not Brian. I could never give myself to him fully and he knew that. He and I wanted different things. I wanted a baby. He didn't. David left because his job was more important…and it was as if we never even happened. Kind of like what you pulled when you LEFT ME. For TEN YEARS."
Olivia starts to pace, the anger unfurling off of her in waves, finally opening herself up to get it all out. Which is what she hasn't felt safe enough to do since he came back. But if they were going to move forward in any capacity, they had to get everything out in the open.
"I NEEDED you. Did you really think you could just leave and I'd what, just forget about you? Not think of you when I was in pain, or in trouble, or even when I needed parenting advice? I needed my damn partner. And he was off somewhere in some European city forgetting all about me."
"Now wait just a minute Liv. Forget?! Oh no. You want to call me out for leaving? Go right ahead. I deserve it. You want to hit me? Go for it. I'm open. But I never EVER forgot about you. You were in every strand of brown hair. Every cup or stale coffee. Every tea shop. Every sharpened pencil tucked in an ear. Every mystery, and every car ride I took. I fell to my knees and prayed for you and because of you every time I went to church or to confession."
"I saw you in all of it every day. I never not once stopped thinking about you. Let alone forgot. Maybe I couldn't be there. But all I wanted was you. And I'm back. I'm home now, Liv. I came home to you."
"This love that we have… it's special. We have a bond that is ionic, unbreakable, unforgettable."
The room was silent for a moment. Then, "you really love me?"
"Olivia…of course I do. I don't ever want you to doubt that. You hear me? Ever."
Silence reigned supreme again for a minute while Olivia sat. Then a quiet thwump as Olivia's glass dropped to the table and she leapt back, the red wine already staining her shirt.
"I liked that shirt. Stay here. I'll get you something to change into and I'll wash that for you."
He left the room, returning only moments later with an oversized tee of his own, mid sentence about how he wanted it back unlike the gray sweater she had never returned when he stopped, noticing what she was, or rather wasn't wearing.
His gaze met hers before looking downward to the vee in her cleavage where the compass lay nestled in the lace between her breasts, made obvious by the black bra. And no shirt. Suddenly it was years ago and a very vivid memory of her wearing a very similar bra and donning a southern accent ran across his mind.
The same thought seemed to cross her mind because she grinned devilishly. "Sorry, daddy…I didn't want to get all sticky from the wine…" She crossed over to him, suddenly not as shy and certainly more confident.
He grinned stupidly like a teenager seeing his first pair of boobs.
"Detective Stabler, why don't you show me just how "ionic" this love can be?"
"I'm standing right here Captain…just.. you do know that once Fin gets ahold of the news that we are together the rumors will start up again that flew around all those years? Are you sure? Because I don't want to damage your reputation in any way. I don't want to do anything that could ever hurt you again."
"No. We'll disclose first thing Monday. I'm in it for the long haul if you are. And I don't want to talk about my sergeant right now."
"Baby…Olivia, I'll follow you anywhere. Everywhere."
"Then I don't care about the rumors. Start 'em. Stop 'em. Makes no difference. People will believe what they want. Always have. Now. Take me to bed detective."
"Captain, I thought you'd never ask…"
Sweeping her up in his arms he carried her to his bedroom and kissed her soundly, their tongues dancing. It was time. Their time.
Slowly, he undressed her, pulling her sweater over her head, holding her gaze to make sure she was absolutely sure and hadn't changed her mind.
Fortunately, he could still read her like an open book after 25 years, and her gaze said that if he stopped, she would personally shoot him in the shoulder, right where his old war wound from Dana Lewis was.
He kissed down her chest, leaving no spot untouched by his lips. The compass lay right between her breasts, blending in with her golden skin. He unhooked her bra, trying to steady his rushing hands. He didn't want this to be done quickly. He wanted to take his time and savor it. Savor her and treat her like the treasure she was. He didn't know if anyone had ever done that for her. And he wanted to. And later…later, he would fuck her senseless, so hard that she wouldn't even know her own name.
Olivia kissed him deeply; arousal stirring low in her belly. She finally understood the phrase "burning in your loins" from all those old silly romance novels. Her entire body felt as if it was on fire, a kiss or a press of his fingers lighting her up like a Christmas tree.
His fingers crept lower until they delved into her pants and pressed firmly against her wet panties, eliciting a loud moan from her throat.
"Off."
She pulled them down her legs, leaving her bare to his gaze as he undressed quickly, tripping over himself in his haste.
He stood before her in all his glory. And once again, she thought of those old romance novels and the chiseled Greek god they'd have on the covers come to life in front of her.
Elliot gave her a slow, knowing, lazy grin, eyes moving up and down her body as she did the same to him. Every synapse started firing in Olivia's body like an electric shock as he moved his apparently talented hands down her body and towards where she needed him most.
"Don't tease, Elliot."
Elliot reached out and stroked the slope of her neck, kissing her there.
"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart."
He adjusted his position on the bed so he could massage her breast with one hand, tweaking and lowering his mouth to suck at the stiff peaks of her chest, whispering what a good girl she was in her ear. With the other hand, he slid two fingers into her, massaging her clit. "So beautiful Liv. I always knew you'd be so beautiful…"
Every stroke of his fingers sent her senses into overdrive. When he knelt and used his tongue, Olivia thought she might have actually died from the sensation of Elliot's tongue on her, inside of her. He quickly found her g-spot, and she let out a long shuddering moan, coming hard. He had her panting, eyes wide in no time. Maybe it was wrong of her, but she hadn't expected him to be so damn talented. She always knew they'd explode together between the sheets, but now he was using their ability to communicate without words to his advantage, calculating every move of her body, every gasped breath, every contortion of her face as she grew more aroused to drive her absolutely crazy.
Their tongues twirled and thrust as Elliot lowered himself inside of her, coming together for the first time. He pistoned his hips forward, grinning into her mouth as he moved.
"You're okay, baby?" He kissed the shell of her ear.
In response, she flipped them over, straddling his waist and smirking.
"Sweetheart, I'm doing great. And don't call me baby."
She rode him eagerly, her heavy breasts swaying above him, the compass swinging against his own chain, the sound of skin on skin and metal on metal momentarily the only sounds in the room.
He suckled one, and then the other, biting, licking the swell of her breast, leaving hickeys where only he would see.
She found her release loudly, Elliot matching her volume with his own powerful release.
Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms, the metal of her compass resting against his chest. She had not only found her way to happiness…she had found her way home.
And somewhere across town, Don Cragen felt a pang in his gut, and John Munch sat up with a large grin. It was time to collect on a bet 25 years in the making.
