"What is love?" Raven asked herself aloud as she flicked through some sappy romance novel Star had given her. She hadn't really noticed she'd said it out loud until Garfield answered.
"No idea." He replied with a shrug, unsure where the topic had come from.
"Really? What about Terra?" Raven was a little surprised he claimed he didn't know.
"That's just the thing, I thought I loved Terra, but I'm not really sure." It was a little hard for him to put it into words. "Look at Robin and Starfire. Those two are head over heels for each other, but with me and Terra, it was more like I just thought she was pretty. Does that make sense? I enjoyed hanging out with her as well, but not any more than I enjoy hanging out with everyone."
"I suppose there's a difference between having a crush and genuinely loving someone." So which was she experiencing? She had thought about the possibility of Garfield as her boyfriend once or twice, but it wasn't like her heart raced when she saw him or anything. But that may just be because she's not a very emotional person.
She had a little experience with this sort of thing, though. She did have a slight crush on Malchior before she found out he was an evil dragon. But what she felt for Beast Boy wasn't quite the same as that. She didn't really think it was love, but her fondness for the changeling went beyond the realm of friendship.
"Then there's always the argument that love is just your brain telling you to mate and pass on your genes" Beast Boy didn't really even agree with that one. "But I've never liked that argument."
"I mean, if that were the case, how would you explain same sex couples?"
They continued discussing the topic for a short while until Raven posed a question Beast Boy wasn't sure how to answer. "If you didn't love Terra, have you ever been in love?"
"I don't think so, I might not know what it is exactly, but I think I'd know it if I felt it, have you?" He'd had moments where he thought Raven was cute, beautiful even, but he wasn't willing to admit to loving her even to himself.
She really wasn't sure. There were moments when she thought she loved Beast Boy, but there were moments where he annoyed her or when she just saw him as her close friend. Why couldn't emotions be simple? "Maybe, it's hard to say."
Perhaps she needed another perspective on this? Someone who was less than subtle when it came to love.
–
"How did you know you loved Robin?" Raven asked Starfire while the Tamaranean brushed her hair. Raven wouldn't normally agree to this sort of thing, but she needed to talk to her, and Starfire had been wanting to test out some hairstyles she'd seen in a magazine.
"Well it was a little hard for me to understand how I was feeling, on Tamaran we don't really have much in the way of romance, my mother and father certainly didn't love each other and they didn't seem to care about me, Komand'r or Ryand'r very much. They left us with Galfore most of the time."
"Ryand'r?" Raven wasn't sure she'd met that one.
"My younger brother, He also goes by Wildfire. I haven't seen him in some time. He's often busy, but he's well. Anyway, on Tamaran, the only people I loved were Blackfire, Wildfire, and, of course, my K'norfka, but what I feel for Robin is nothing like any of them" She had seemingly forgotten she was supposed to be doing Raven's hair as she was focused on this now.
"It took me a while to realise how I was feeling, seeing how couple on earth acting helped me a little bit but I remember that one day I just a had a realization of 'Oh… this is love' " She reminisced for a brief moment before realizing she'd left her job half finished and getting back to work.
"Why do you ask? Is there someone you are interested in?" Starfire knew the answer already, of course. She could see how close Raven and Beast Boy had gotten recently.
"Well… maybe, I'm not sure yet." She was used to concealing her emotions, so talking about something like this was honestly a little awkward for her.
Starfire could tell her friend was feeling pretty nervous, so she decided not to ask anything else. "Well, I wish you luck."
An awkward silence hung in the air as Beast Boy watched Robin work. Truthfully, he'd wanted to talk to him, but Robin was sort of busy looking through some old case files.
Beast Boy was sat on a chair watching over Robin's shoulder, waiting for him to be done so he could talk, though Robin seemed to be taking forever.
"You really take your work seriously. You've gotta be almost done by now." Beast Boy asked as he looked up from his chair.
"About 2 more hours" Robin's tone wasn't rude or anything. But it was clear the conversation wouldn't go much further.
About 20 minutes passed, though to Beast Boy, it seemed like hours he heard a sigh from in front of the computer. Robin stood up before sitting across from him.
"I guess I can take a break. What's on your mind?" Robin asked. He was making an effort to be considerate. More than Bruce ever did anyway.
"Well I've kind of gotten an issue. I think Raven might like me" Was it egotistical of him to think that? It was just that she was acting differently and asking him about what it means to love someone.
"I fail to see how that's an issue"
"And I kinda think I maybe like her as well." Beast Boy continued, though It didn't help Robin understand any better.
"Still not following." As far as Robin could tell, that should be a good thing, right?
"I just don't think I can handle a romantic relationship. I mean, you saw how things played out with Terra"
"That wasn't your fault, Garfield."
Beast Boy, of course, kinda knew that, but he still felt like he could have done more to help Terra.
"If you don't want a relationship, that's fine. But you shouldn't let one bad experience ruin any future relationships for you." Robin had a point, but Beast Boy felt calling what happened with Terra a 'Bad experience' was a gross simplification.
"So you think I should tell Raven?"
"I'm not telling you to ask her out, but if you like her, you should tell her. I'm hardly the right person to give this advice, but it's not healthy to bottle up your emotions." A trait he had put considerable effort into unlearning since he stopped working for Batman.
"Even if I did like Raven, and I'm not saying that I do, I don't think I'd be a very good boyfriend. She deserves better." He wasn't really sure how they'd even work as a couple.
"I think that's her decision to make not yours" Once again, Robin was right.
Once he'd made sure Beast Boy was okay, he went back to his work, and Garfield exited his room before slumping against the wall with a sigh. Why couldn't his emotions just stay platonic? Friendship was so much easier.
Raven was on the roof or titans tower attempting to meditate as she looked out over the sunset, if she was going to try and figure out how she felt about Beast Boy she'd need to clear her head first.
As she watched the light reflect off the waves, she got to thinking, if she did like him, would she even be able to act on those feelings? She may have better control now, but her emotions were still dangerous, and strong emotions like love could make her lose control.
And if he did turn her down, while he had every right to, she knew it would upset her, which could be equally as dangerous, so it may be better she not tell anyone. Not that bottling up her emotions would be any better. It would only delay the issue. She really had no safe option here.
For a fleeting moment, she thought it'd be easier for her to ignore her emotions if he already had a girlfriend, but then she realised how unpleasant she found that notion.
"Oh" she thought, realizing she couldn't exactly claim she wasn't interested if something like that bothered her "I like him"
This wasn't the revelation she had expected it to be, in fact it was nothing spectacular, she simply liked him, she wasn't sure when or how it had started but now that she noticed it there was no way she could act like they were just friends.
She resolved to tell him, she knew he was hesitant towards Romance of course and if he shot her down that was fine but she knew she wouldn't be able to keep these feelings secret.
=
So this took a while, huh? Yeah sorry, I had thus half written and just wasn't sure how to progress for the longest time, next chapter should be the final so thanks to anyone who stuck with this through to the end.
