A ESSAY FOR SCHOOL:
MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS PRESENT
My Da taught us that Christmas isn't about presents, or, if it is, it's about the gifts we give, but that isn't our assignment. I'm supposed to write about the best present I ever got. Lucky for me, that's also the best present I was ever given, too, so I will write about that one.
You said to explain why it was best and you want the whole story.
It's only one present, but I got it twice, two Christmases in a row.
When I was little, I got a train engine. Not a real one, of course. One time when we went in the trading post they had some little wood-and-metal train engines that you could wind up and they'd make noise and go places. Jason said when I saw that toy, I sat right down on the floor and pushed it or winded it up, then crawled around following it, instead of hiding behind him or Mama like I usually did.
I remember Da laughing on the way home, because "it was a nice change from the usual." I was mad at him at the time, because he took the toy from me when it was time to leave, and he looked it over really hard, and said it didn't look too bad, and then – well then he GAVE IT BACK to the store-man. I thought he was getting it for me!
I was so disappointed that I cried, so Da gave me something to cry about and handed me to Jason to go home.
When we got home, I tried to pretend some woodchips were a train, but that didn't work very well. They needed to be stuck together.
Da started showing me how to pick the right shape, and how to make other pieces that made them all stick together. All the time while he was doing this, he would laugh and wink at Mama, and she would laugh back and shake her head, and her shiny hair made moonbeams all over the place. They was very happy.
Da showed me, and I did it, and Da said, "See you don't need no boughten thing when you can make your own."
But the ones I made on my own weren't very good, and didn't last very long, and I didn't want a made one. I wanted a boughten one.
But I didn't cry again. I just pouted a little bit until Jason tickled me and made me laugh and forget about it until the next time.
Mama was bringing tree branches in the house and putting them in the windows and on the fireplace. They were pine and spruce, and they still had the needles on them, and some even still had pine cones on them. After she put them in those places, she put candles in them, white candles, and she lit them when it was dark. They smelled good, the trees AND the candles.
Da tut-tutted at her, but he smiled a lot and wasn't really mad. One time, when she was lighting the candles, he told her SHE was the light that lighted his world, and they laughed and laughed. When it was only the night fire and the candles in the windows when we was going to bed, I could see what Da meant. She was sparkly and beautiful and I liked to watch her, especially in the window-glass with the candles. She was glowing in the glass reflections.
One night, Da read us the Bible story about Baby Jesus getting borned. Then he said no one really knew the real day, but that getting borned like us was the biggest and bestest gift ever given. After he got done talking, we had to go to bed, just like every night.
And that was why the giving of gifts was the most important things, especially gifts of doing things, because when Baby Jesus grew up, he died because of doing things for us.
In the morning, our socks was hanging under the tree branches on the fireplace. Over beside the fireplace, on the side where the woodbox wasn't, was a little stack of packages with ribbons.
Josh wanted the socks, and I just thought how funny they were on the fireplace. Jason was bringing in water and he laughed at both of us, but he was looking at the ribboned pile of stuff.
Da said we were to have breakfast and do our chores like any other day. His voice and his mouth was normal, but his eyes were smiling, especially when he looked at Mama. She was singing and happy like a bird.
Finally, finally, everything was done, and Mama made us sit at the table and put our socks in front of us. There was candy, and oranges, and pennies in them. Da and Jason laughed when I smelled the sock before I ate anything from inside it.
Then we all got two packages, even Mama and Da.
One of them packages was my train, all painted and shiny.
It wasn't the store one, because it was bigger, and it was painted red instead of black, but it was just like it.
I don't remember what anything else was. I had my train, and it was prettier and easier for my little hands to wind up as well as bigger.
Josh told me it was a Christmas present and it came by magic.
That was the first time it was my best present ever. I even took it to bed with me all of the time.
IN BETWEEN
It was winter, then spring, then summer, and then Mama went to heaven. I don't know why. She just did.
After a while, when it was almost winter, Da put all Mama's things locked up, and all our things, too, and made us come live in town. We were never, ever, ever going to go "back there" again. He said we had to have a new place, so we'd stop waiting for her to come home. I thought that was stupid, but he was Da and I had to do what he said.
Especially after he whooped me good after I tried to go home three times. He was very angry, and that scared me when he did that. I didn't try to go back home anymore, and sometimes at bedtime I cried because I didn't have my train. Da said he'd told us to pick a few things to take with us and it was my own fault if I didn't pick anything. I tried to tell him I didn't know we had to pick it for forever, because when we left I thought we would come back someday.
He tried to make me go to school, but I was still scared of people then, maybe even more, and when he was leaving the school, I ran and grabbed his leg and wouldn't let go. So he took me home holding onto his leg. When we got there, he shook me and shook me and threw me on the bed.
Jason came running in and asked Da what happened and then Da yelled at Jason instead of me.
This is important in this story, because school is where Josh started telling me about Christmas stuff that he heard there, and Da got really really mad and yelled that we weren't having any of that nonsense this year. He only put up with it for her, and she wasn't here. He wasn't having it without her.
We weren't having it without her.
Josh cried. And Josh never cried. He still don't. Not much, anyway. (Jason says I shouldn't put this in the story because it might embarrass Josh, but I can't leave it out because it's part of the story, so pretend I didn't write this explanation when you grade it.)
When I understood it all – it's hard to understand when everybody is yelling and crying – I cried too. I had kinda sorta been hoping for another train when the magic day came. But if Da wasn't going to let the magic happen, I really, really just wanted the one that was already mine.
I wanted Mama, too, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.
Jason made supper for us, and helped us get ready for bed, and when he put us in bed, instead of telling or reading a story, he told us about how Da's church, which was called a kirk, didn't believe in Christmas except as a way of acknowledging that Baby Jesus was borned like us. Jason said Da's whole country didn't believe in Christmas, but they have a big party the next week after.
Josh said something bad about Da and his kirk and his whole dang country, only he didn't say dang.
Jason didn't say anything about that.
"It ain't right," Josh said.
Jason agreed.
Then he told us if we was awake or waked up when Da came in, to pretend to be asleep no matter what. That way Da wouldn't start in on us.
"Why does he do that anyway?" Josh asked, kind of rude. Josh was really mad.
Jason sighed. "He's crazy from losing Mom, and a different crazy from drinking to make the first crazy not hurt so bad. It's going to take some time, boys."
"At least if he kills us bad, we'll be with Mama and he won't never," Josh said, and covered up his head.
"I won't let that happen," Jason said, and he didn't. We are still here.
THE GIFT
After that, I never said anything about my train again, but I heard Jason mention it to Da, once when he was crazy and once when he wasn't. Jason wanted to get another one, or he could go get the one I had, and Da didn't need to have anything to do with it.
Da said he wouldn't have it. He said it would be like bringing her in here, and here had nothing to do with her. He said he couldn't let her come in here because he would have no escape. Even another one would be a reminder because she'd been as heart-set on the other one as I was, and it would be enough to invite her in, and he couldn't take it.
So: NO.
I cried again that night after Jason put us to bed and then went outside. Josh wanted to know what was I crying about now and I told him.
He said that was stupid – them, not me, and go to sleep.
When I was almost asleep, he got out of bed and went outside to talk to Jason.
When I was almost asleep again, they came inside, with Jason saying, "You know I can't go against Da when he says NO like that. What's going to happen to you boys if he throws me out."
"He wouldn't never do that, would he?"
"He's doing a lot of things that no one ever thought he would. For your and Jeremy's sake, I won't risk it. Direct disobedience might be a step too far."
"You're probably right," Josh said, and got back into bed. He was cold. "It still ain't right."
Jason agreed.
It was almost Christmas, and the other kids was talking about their gifts and stuff. I came home and thought about how we couldn't have gifts, but remembered what Da said about doing things, so I helped Josh with his chores that were a lot harder than mine.
When he said thank you I told him it was a doing gift, because that was the only ones we could do.
His face all puckered up and he called me a dumb kid. Then he messed up my hair and went outside.
He hadn't come back while I went to bed and went to sleep. Jason was worried about him being out, especially since he'd got his chores done early.
That made me smile, but I didn't let Jason see. I wanted to do something for him but didn't know what besides to be good, so I didn't even ask him to read when I had to go to bed by myself.
I heard when Da came in, and he just mumbled and fell into his bed and went to sleep, the kind that don't wake up right away. Jason pulled the blanket over Da like he did for me, and just stood there looking at him kind of sad.
Then Jason went to the door and stepped outside. I heard him talking to other men that were going home like Da, but they had farther to go. I think he was asking about Josh.
It was all very quiet, because it was Christmas Eve when everyone woke up.
When we woke up, me and Jason got everything done because Josh still wasn't there and we didn't want Da to know. I did most of Josh's chores that day, but Jason had to do some of them, because I kept bumping into things with the broom because it was bigger than me, and me and Jason both didn't want to wake up Da before he was going to anyway.
When Da woke up, he thought Josh just went out to play because all the work was done and there was no need for him to stay inside.
Me and Jason were both happy when Josh came home at suppertime. Josh was tired and muddy and dirty and scratched and bumped, like he'd been playing too long for too hard, and Da shook his head at him.
Jason asked Josh if he was okay, and he said he was; he'd just had something he had to do.
Jason looked at him for a long, long time, then just told him to wash up.
Da didn't go out that night, and he didn't even drink anything until after he thought we were all asleep. Then he went to sleep in his chair, and Jason got up to put him in bed.
Josh throwed off our covers and said "Now that you've poured him into bed," and Jason laughed, real quiet, and tucked the covers back around me so I went back to sleep again.
When I woke up again, my train – the same one from before – was in my hands. I yelled happy, and hugged it and hugged it.
Jason and Josh, they were making breakfast, and they just laughed. And Jason reminded me to be quiet and not wake Da up, but it was too late.
He sat up in bed at all the noise, and when he saw what I had, he took two steps and tried to take it from me.
I wouldn't let him. I just held onto it harder and harder.
Da was yelling and shaking it so hard he was shaking me, but I didn't let go. I think he was going to throw it in the fire.
I looked at Jason, and he was holding Josh just like I was holding my train, with all his hands and arms and even his whole body. Josh was trying to get away like Da was trying to get the train away.
Da let go with one hand, but before he could smack me, I bit him on the still holding on hand. Hard. I made him bleed.
I got away from him and scooted way back under the bed with my train, because he couldn't reach me when I was all the way by the wall. (Unless he got down on the floor and got under the beds, too.)
Josh was calling Da bad names until Jason put his hand over Josh's mouth. Josh couldn't get away from Jason, though.
Da looked from where I wasn't on the bed, to Jason and Josh, and back again. It was like forever.
Finally, he said "so that's how it is," and he put on his shoes and coat and walked out the door. He was the first one at church that Christmas morning.
When we got to the church, I brought my train, because I was afraid he would come back and find it and put it in the fire. Josh held it for me while Jason helped me get dressed. We sat by Da when we got there, but Jason satted closest, then me, then Josh was the most awayest.
When it was time for prayers from peoples, and you had to stand up, Jason said a prayer about how proud Mama would be of us for how we celebrated this specialest day in her memory.
Josh was looking at Jason and smiling big.
Da was looking at nothing and crying.
I was hugging my favorite Christmas present ever in my whole life.
Jason looked down at me, picked me up, and put his arm around Josh.
THE END
Ps. Jason says this is not an essay, it's a whole story. He thinks essays are about feelings and thoughts. If they are not the same thing, why did you say tell the whole story?
