A/N well everyone seems to be happy Mark is finally off of Mars. I hope you enjoy his time alone on Hermes

Log entry Mission day 1612

I spent today floating from module to module of Hermes, getting to know my home away from home again. I have my new room as set up as I can for now. While I did spin up the modules' wheel to Mars gravity, I can't decorate it with my belongings because I'd just have to box it all up put it all back again when I stop the spin for them to dock at the end of the mission. I do have pictures hung up, but I didn't do that. The crew did that for me. I guess they wanted to help me feel at home. It worked. They must have asked my former crewmates or my parents what to put up.

It's odd to be here alone. It was one thing in the Hab. It took a while to get used to being alone at Acidalia Planitia, but by the time I got to Velles Marineris I was so used to being alone and I knew that Hab was empty it didn't bother me. Here, it's supposed to be filled with people. No one is ever alone on Hermes, not even anyone from the rehab crews. There are always at least three people on board. When I came aboard this time there were six other people. I knew that even if I only ever saw three maximum at a time. The last time I was here, there were five others and we ate together at least once a day.

The benefit to there being multiple rooms and modules though, is that it's easier to pretend that someone else is here and just not in the same place I am. That's probably not healthy, but I'm not going to stop doing it. Actually, maybe it's a good thing to keep pretending because in 30 days there will be other people here and I need to get used to not being alone.

It's strange how familiar Hermes feels when I haven't been here in four years. Then again after I graduated and joined the astronaut corps, it was years before I went back and visited the University of Chicago and it still felt like home. With no one here, I can float in the main flight deck as much as I want. Back before we left Earth orbit, I made videos introducing our crew and Hermes. I don't know if I showed the flight decks though. I'm not sure anyone on Ares I or II did either.

There are two flight decks, much like the space shuttles. The main deck has four seats for the pilot, commander, and systems operator, then it depends on the crew who gets the fourth chair. The lower deck has another four chairs. It was originally designed with just two, much like the habitat module has only six rooms. There were only two chairs on all three previous missions. They've added two. Why two? I don't know. Maybe they're thinking ahead and are planning for bigger crews in the future. That will require more rehabbing and remodeling though, or they might just replace a module. They are removable. The ship was built in space like ISS and ISS2 after all. They could disconnect that module and put in a new one with more rooms.

Speaking of more rooms, the room they set up for me is right next to my lab. I guess it worked out that this mission didn't have a botanist which means I have something to do. They had the hydroponics set up all ready to go for me. I'm going to get some seeds started. I don't even know what seeds were packed. Time to go check it out.

Log entry Mission Day 1612 (2)

I found the seeds. We have red and green romaine lettuce, green leaf lettuce, red cabbage, radishes, jalapeños, and strawberries. Well, we will after I grow them. I can't grow them all at once. I'm starting with the strawberries. The idea of fresh fruit has my mouth watering. I've never grown them hydroponically before. It should work. There's no reason it shouldn't. You never know what might happen though, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'll also try to grow at least one type of lettuce and the radishes as well to start. We can have a "salad," although I don't know if we have any salad dressing on board. It feels good to be planning to grow food again, especially since I don't have to have it to survive. There's plenty of freeze-dried meals on board. It will also be nice to grow in water again instead of grimy, red Mars sand.

I'd love to start the seeds the old-fashioned way on paper towels, but I don't have any. You know paper burns, as do paper towels. We already know how dangerous fire can be to an astronaut. I have little pods though that I can soak and spread out the seeds on them. The advantage to the pods is that they're easier to remove the sprouted seeds from the pods and planted into their hydroponic home versus growing them on paper towels. Those delicate sprouts can stick to the towel and be destroyed when the roots tear away.

Log entry Mission Day 1612 (3)

Seeds are started, now to just wait and see how long it takes them to sprout. It shouldn't take long with the ideal temperature and lighting.

Log entry Mission Day 1615

I've been spending lots of time floating in the cupola and thinking. I know I should continue walking and exercising, and spending most of my time in the sections with rotational gravity, but I missed floating. Besides, Marianne will be tracking me when the crew gets back up here so I'm taking advantage of the lack of supervision while I can.

Anyway, I've been thinking. I'm not mad at Sanders anymore. Maybe I'm feeling magnanimous because I'm safely aboard my ride home. Maybe I'm just finally thinking clearly, but I'm not mad. When I discovered it was Sanders that made the call not to take the images that would have shown them I was alive as far back as just after the evacuation, I was pissed as hell. Look, I honestly wouldn't want my parents to see my dead body televised and published everywhere, and those images would have been everywhere. NASA is a public organization. Even if somehow the government, the president, had put an embargo on the pictures, they would have been leaked somehow. I would have been pissed. I mean if there is an afterlife and I knew that my parents had had to deal with that, I would have haunted his ass until he died. Yes, if he'd risked it, they would have or could have found out I was alive much earlier. At the very least, considering how early Venkat had asked for images, they would have noticed that my body wasn't lying there in the sand.

Honestly though, what other choice could he have made? The man was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. If they'd taken the images right away and discovered I was alive he'd be lambasted for the rule that Hermes leaves orbit immediately even though he didn't set that policy. I do think that one needs to change. I know that the sooner Hermes leaves Mars's orbit the sooner it gets back to Earth, but come on, why not take the time to at least do some orbital observations? The crew wouldn't have to orbit for the entirety of the original space mission, but at least a day or two. I'll make that argument when I get back. I know no one ever expects anything catastrophic to happen again like my getting left behind. Even so, why should a crew that spent over 100 days getting to the planet leave orbit immediately if they have to evacuate before the end of the mission? We had only been there six sols, for crying out loud. I know, I know I've said something like this before.

If Sanders had authorized the images to be taken and my dead body had been splashed all over the television and internet, he would have been roasted. He chose to wait and was essentially fired for it. He just couldn't win, no matter which choice he made. I hear he landed on his feet and has a good job. Still, I feel bad he lost a position he seemed to enjoy when all he was doing was just looking out for the best interests of NASA as a whole when he made that decision.

I think I need to prepare a statement or something of support for him. It's the right thing to do. That might piss off Mom though. I suppose I could wait until she's able to look at this logically. That won't be until I'm on Earth at the earliest. I should probably talk to her about it first too. Dad will understand better but Mom, well Mom has the hot head in the family. I'll email Dad once we're on our way home.

Log entry Mission Day 1618

I'm back to talking to the Ares IV crew members every day. Whoever is left in the Hab for the day calls up to talk to me for a bit. I'm starting to get used to hearing other people talk. I still hesitate to answer immediately sometimes. It's like there's a pause in my brain before it realizes I need to respond. It doesn't happen every time, but it does happen.

I'm cleaner than I have been in ages, well, except for my taped-up ribs. I guess the tape is clean. Marianne must have used some seriously waterproof tape as it hasn't come off yet. I'm not pulling it off that's for sure. I've showered every day for an hour. I won't be able to keep that up when everyone comes back. We'll have to go back to a schedule. Everyone will only be allowed a certain amount of time in the shower. With just six people onboard, it was twenty minutes each. I guess it will be less with seven of us. Maybe, we'll alternate days so people can still get longer showers. Honestly, they're less necessary on Hermes, due to the temperature control and lack of physical labor other than our required exercise. We don't get very sweaty so daily showers aren't really needed. I'm sure the commander has thought about it already and will tell us what we're doing.

Log entry Mission Day 1623

As my hydroponic plants got started, I realized I never wrote any logs about my composting experiment. It wound up being a pretty small amount of compost. I just couldn't do it with the food. There's no reason freeze-dried food should go bad, but I saved everything I could. The Hab has a refrigerator in case food goes unfinished. If I didn't finish a meal one day I'd put it in there and eat it the next day. There were meals left as I was packing up to leave the planet. I packed most of them too. I left a few just in case the site is used again. They'll have a little bit of a backup, but the rest I brought with me. They may not get eaten here.

Our caloric intake is watched pretty carefully. I'm still underweight. I know I am, even though we can't use a normal scale. Marianne has a scale that has been adjusted to use in low gravity. I'm sure she'll make me get on it and then estimate my Earth weight by multiplying the number by four since we'll be at Mars's gravity. She might want me to eat more to help gain weight back. I'm sure NASA thought of that, but I did too. I tried eating a bit more towards the end when I knew I was truly going to get to leave. I just couldn't though. Is it possible for your stomach to shrink? Do I have some sort of eating disorder? Is it just that I wasn't active enough to need the calories? I'll have to ask the doctor when she's back, or just let her tell me what to do. I know she's going to want me to gain weight and start an exercise regimen once my ribs are healed. I'm pretty thin right now. It would have been worse if I hadn't had food so I'm not really complaining. Honestly, the biggest issue is the muscle loss from the lower gravity. I'd bet I'm temporarily taller too. Vertebrae expand and relax in zero-G, I would surmise that they expand at least a little bit in low gravity too. Oh, does that mean when we go to a full G my vertebrae will all recompress? What's that going to do with my back issues?

I got way off track. I was supposed to be talking about my composting. That was the whole reason I sat down to log. As I wrote earlier, I didn't end up with much, but it was enough to mix into a dish of Mars soil. It worked. While the plant grew slower than it did in the Mars/Earth mix and the straight Earth soil, it worked. I need to spend some time typing up my results and sending them to NASA for the colony plan. I'm pretty sure composting is already part of the plan, but this information and my previous potato growth means they only need a small amount of Earth soil for each location to be able to grow their own food. I'm sure they'll also use hydroponics or aeroponics. It's always good to be able to grow food in more than one way, especially when it means you can use the resources of the planet to do so.

Log entry Mission Day 1626

You know the best part about being here on Hermes, better than down on Mars? All the space. The Hab was confining. The space suits are confining. At least the Hab at Acidalia Planitia had rooms before I took the walls down before it blew out and killed my crops. I could go from room to room just to get a bit of a change of scenery. Once I moved to Valles Marineris, that wasn't an option unless I went to the bathroom. Sure, I could go out to the rover for a bit. I could put up a pop tent. I could go hang out in the MDV, but it's just not the same. Hermes has multiple modules, lots of different spaces to go. I can go to sit on the flight deck, float in the cupola, go to the bunk wing though I don't do that very often as I don't have a room there anymore and it's weird to look at the door that used to be mine and isn't. I could have used my old room. I wonder if I should have, but I'm not asking someone to move now.

Anyway, back to the space, all the space. I can go to the labs. I can go to the gym. I can go to the mess/rec room. I can go to the med bay, not that there's a reason to go there other than just to wander. I have lots of options. If I get tired of being in one place I go someplace else. I still can't go outside. I'd have to wear a space suit so that wouldn't be any better than if I went outside on Mars but there's also no reason to go outside here. Besides, if I went outside while I'm alone. NASA might actually kill me when I get back. Hell, they'd have to get in line because I know my mother would kill me for taking that risk. Still, if something needs to be repaired on the trip home I'm putting my hat in the ring for it. There's just something about floating alone in your suit out there in space, in real space. I don't think anyone would approve of it, but I'm not coming back to space. Even if NASA would allow it, and I doubt the flight surgeons would ever approve me for space flight again. I'm done. I've had enough of space for a lifetime. I want to go back home and explore Earth.

Here, whenever I need a change of scenery I just float somewhere else, climb a ladder, slide down a ladder. Any location is a change. Of course, the windows don't necessarily help because with the spin Mars is still in sight, but it is different to look at from here than from the inside of my space suit.

You're probably wondering at this point why I'm going up and down ladders instead of just walking corridors between the modules. If you've seen pictures of Hermes, you know there aren't any corridors between modules. There is a support structure. It was decided to lower the risk by eliminating corridors. While it would be more convenient for us to move from one module to another with halls or corridors it would mean we'd need more doors. Each door is another possible failure point. Each door is another one that has to be closed in the event of decompression in a module. With only one door to each module, we eliminate risk.

Log entry Mission day 1631

I've been thinking more and more about what I'm going to do when I get back to Earth. It seems early to be thinking about it. We won't leave orbit for another 12 days, and then it's a year until we get home, and then it will be who knows how long until the NASA doctors clear me to do any traveling. Still, it's something to think about. I have to balance traveling with the possibility of a wife and kids. I've decided I do want kids, but I also know my chances of cancer have got to be through the roof by now. I've had so much more radiation exposure than any previous astronaut. The suits, Hab, and rovers can't possibly block it all. Do I dare get married and have kids knowing my lifespan is likely shorter? Is it fair to do that to someone else? Is it fair to do that to children? I don't know. Maybe, I'll be fine, but I doubt it. I'm not asking any medical professionals yet. I'll wait until I get back to Earth. It's possible that I've been irradiated to the point I can't have kids or that they'd have problems because of my exposure. Is that possible? This is getting dark and I sat down to write about how I want to travel the world and visit all the big historical and natural sites. Instead, I started talking about kids and cancer. Yeah, I'm done logging for now.

Log entry Mission day 1637

I went to the mess/rec room today and started digging in the decorations closet. We have things we hang up for every season back home, based on Houston that is. We have several holiday decorations for more holidays than I even recognize. We also have general birthday decorations. I decided it would be nice for the crew if I decorated to welcome them back in a few days. I hung up some plastic flags that should look interesting in zero-G. I might blow up a few balloons. Buried in the back of the closet I found an old letter board, the kind you slide the letters in. I put it on the dining table. I know, I know. You're saying "But Mark, when you have to go back to zero-G for them to dock, won't it float away?" Nope, there's a strip of velcro down the center of the table. It's stuck to that because whoever packed it was smart enough to put velcro on the bottom of the sign. I put letters on it tp spell out 'Welcome back!' and 'Congrats!' I'd like to say Congratulations on a successful surface mission, but there aren't enough letters for that, or enough space on the sign.

Log entry Mission day 1641

This is my last day alone. Tomorrow, barring anything horrible happening, the Ares IV crew will all be back here on Hermes. I'm simultaneously both looking forward to it and apprehensive about it. I've already stopped the spin of the modules. I'll sleep tonight zipped into my sleeping bag while it's strapped to the wall. If I sleep, that is. I don't know if I can. I'm going to try, but I'm not taking a sleeping pill. I could, but I don't like the way they make me feel when I wake up. I'm always left feeling groggy and drugged. I just don't feel as aware as I should. I need to be awake and aware. Tomorrow, I'll be strapped into a seat in the flight deck from before they launch until they dock with Hermes. I'll be watching over the systems.


"Schiaparelli base to Hermes," Commander James's voice called through the comms.

Mark reached over and pressed a button on the console in front of him. "Hermes here."

"Commencing Hab shut down and egress."

"Roger."

Mark turned his wrist and checked the time. The shutdown would take about ten minutes. The walk to the MAV would take another ten. Then the crew would have to climb on board and strap into their seats before they would begin launch prep.

"Hermes to MAV."

"MAV here," Taylor responded.

"All powered up?" Mark asked.

"And ready to fly," she replied. "Just waiting on the crew. We'll be back up there with you soon."

"You sound like you're not ready to leave," he observed.

"Well, we didn't spend nearly as long here as you did. I feel like we could do more if we had longer. If we could just find a way to make the trip shorter, this whole thing would be easier."

Mark chuckled. "Well then, better get to inventing a new engine," he suggested.

"Sounds more like a job for you Mr. Mechanical Engineer."

"Hey," he protested playfully, "According to the University of Chicago, that's Dr. Mechanical Engineer."

"I thought it was Dr. Botanist," she said. "It doesn't really matter because either way you're Dr. Watney, which you know I didn't know until this whole thing happened. Someone mentioned it on the Watney Report."

"MAV, prepare to begin launch procedures. HAB is shut down and we are on our way to you," the commander reported.

"Copy, Commander," Taylor replied. "Mark, this conversation will have to wait until I'm up there."

"Roger," Mark acknowledged.

"No, Taylor," she said with restrained mirth.

"Ha, ha, ha. Better get to work, pilot-type person."

"Will do, Michaels out."

Mark chuckled and shook his head. Taylor was the Ares IV crew member whom he felt closest to. He knew he'd get closer to all of them over the next year, but for some reason, he and Taylor had already clicked. Maybe it was because she had nothing official to talk to him about. Alannah was commander so their conversations were always professional as ninety percent of his conversations with Lewis had been. Alannah preferred that he use her first name. It was odd. Ares III all went by their last names. Ares IV all called each other by their first names. The first Ares crew had gone by both just about equally. Ares II was a mostly last-name crew too. He wondered what if anything that said about the relationships of each crew. Some psychologist would probably have something to say to explain it.

"MAV prepared for launch," Alannah reported.

Mark didn't acknowledge. He didn't need to, the report was for NASA and the world not for him. There was nothing for him to do but listen. If he'd been in better shape he might have been suited up and in the airlock in case they needed assistance with docking, but he wasn't. It didn't matter, all of the Ares IV crew were in their suits which meant Pat and Jack could exit the MAV if needed. The chances that would happen were minuscule, but they were prepared nonetheless.

Later, Mark floated down to the door outside the airlock. He watched through the window as the docking probe was removed, and the crew began to pour into the airlock. He pushed back against the far wall as they approached the door.

"Welcome back," he said as the door opened.

"Permission to come aboard," Alannah asked with a smile, her space suit helmet held under her arm.

"Oh, uh," Mark hesitated. "Permission granted. I cede command to you." He grinned then bit his lip, and dropped his head.

Alannah turned back to her crew. "Don't worry about the MAV, go to your quarters. We'll empty it later before we spin up so it's easier to move everything. Meet in the flight deck in an hour for the deorbit maneuver."

"Yes ma'am."

The crew began to float off to the module with their quarters. Taylor floated behind the others.

"Wanna keep me company and explain that Dr. Mechanical Engineer thing?" she asked.

Mark chewed his lip. Everyone in one place even for just a few moments had been a lot. If he went with Taylor they'd all be close by but not all in one room. Would it be odd if he went with her?

"It's ok," she said. "We can talk later."

"No, I… uh, I'm coming. Lead the way."

She did exactly that. As they floated along she looked back at him. "So?"

"Huh? Oh, well I could say it's because I'm a PhD no matter what."

"And that would be true," she acknowledged, "but it's not what you meant, is it?"

"No. Beck bugged me into writing up all the work I did to make water, get Pathfinder working again, the various repairs on the equipment in the Hab, and basically anything I've done even slightly related to mechanical engineering. He then sent it on to the University of Chicago as a dissertation. They sent me an email that they're granting me a doctorate and I don't need to defend my dissertation."

"Bet that was a shock," Taylor laughed.

Mark huffed a laugh. "You could say that. I had no idea Beck had done it. I think I wandered in circles in the Hab for a good hour trying to figure out what had happened before I finally sent the crew a message to ask. Johanssen ratted him out. I'm not complaining though. It's pretty cool."

"So, now you're Doctor Doctor."

"If you start singing, I might have to…" he trailed off as they arrived at her quarters.

"Have to what?"

When he didn't respond she used the doorway to turn back and look at him. "Mark?"

"This was my room," he said softly.

"Do you want it back?"

"No. I…no."

She cocked her head to one side. "Are you sure? We've talked about it. Alannah would move to your current room. I'd take hers, and you could have this one back."

"You knew you were in my old room?"

"No, not me specifically. We all knew someone would have been. We thought about asking your crew which one was yours. Then when you decided to take the new room, we figured it didn't matter," she explained.

"But you talked about someone moving out."

Taylor nodded. "We discussed what we would do if you decided you wanted your old room back. Everyone was willing to move if need be."

"I wouldn't do that to any of you," he protested.

"We know, but we wanted you to have the option. We were going to talk about it at dinner this evening," she told him, "but since it's me and you just told me, I'm telling you. Oh, that was really bad grammar. If my high school English teacher could hear me now."

Mark laughed at that. "I hope none of mine ever read my log entries. Trust me they're a mess. I'm not taking your room."

"Are you sure? It's really ok," she assured him.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, but it doesn't feel right."

"You already feel at home in your new room?"

"Well, yes," he replied, "but it's not just that."

"The crew around you isn't your own."

He hesitated.

"It's alright. I understand."

"It's not that I don't think I'll feel like part of the crew eventually," he said.

"But it will take time, and you haven't had enough of that with us yet."

"Yes. I know we all spent some time together during the training for III," Mark explained, "but most of that was in debrief meetings. It wasn't the same as the bonding each crew did as we went through the simulations. I feel the same way about the II crew."

Taylor nodded, "The same way I feel about the V crew."

"Probably. It's also that I'm used to being alone, not having others around."

"And with others around you'll feel crowded," she guessed.

"Maybe, I'll be with you all for meals and see people elsewhere too," he shrugged. "I should go and let you get out of that suit."

She would have shrugged but in the bulky flight EVA suit, he wouldn't have seen it. "I'm wearing clothes under this so it doesn't matter, but if you want to go or have things to do you don't have to hang around."

"Do you want help?" he asked. "I know how hard it can be to get in and out of those things alone."

"I guess you would," she commented. "You could probably train everyone in how to do it."

He shrugged again. "I used the surface EVA suits, not the flight suits, because mine had a hole in it after all. Those are designed to be easier to get into and out of, but I can help you if you'd like."

"Thanks, I'll take the help. Crawling into the suit is one thing, trying to get back out of it is another. Do me a favor and grab my watch first."

Mark unstrapped the watch from Taylor's wrist and looked at it. "We'd better hurry. We've only got twenty minutes left to get your suit stowed and get to the flight deck."

"Ok then," she responded and held out her arms again for him to unfasten the gloves from the suit arms.

It took them five minutes to get Taylor out of the suit and get it put back together.

"I'll take it to storage," she said, "and meet you on the flight deck."

"Okay."

Taylor pushed the suit out into the hall in front of her then pushed off the wall and floated away. Mark stayed in his former room and looked around. He held onto the wall and just floated for a moment before shaking his head and shoving off down the hall.

He arrived at the flight deck just behind Taylor with Pat right behind him. Mark grabbed one of the seats and pulled himself to the side. Taylor floated over her chair, pulled herself down, and strapped herself in. Alannah was already strapped into the seat beside her. Lawrence was seated behind Alannah.

Marianne floated up next to Mark. "Come on, you and I are down on the lower deck with Jack."

"Just like last time," Mark replied.

"At least we have windows unlike the shuttle astronauts on the lower deck," Marianne commented as they pushed themselves down the ladder.

"One of those advantages of a spaceship is that it never has to enter a planet's atmosphere," Jack said from his seat. "We have windows."

"Not that there's much to see," Mark replied, "other than that ugly planet down there."

"You really don't like it?" Jack asked.

Mark shrugged as he settled into one of the two remaining seats. "Now that I'm off the planet and about to head home, I'd say I'm ambivalent."

Marianne looked over from her seat and nodded. "That's remarkably healthy."

"Really?" Mark raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I would think most people in a situation similar to yours would continue to hate or loathe the place where they were trapped."

Jack frowned. "Who would have ever been in a situation similar to his?"

"Similar, not the same, but long-term POWs," she answered.

"Prisoners of war…hm," Mark mused. "I never thought about it, but many of the Vietnam War POWs were subjected to long-term isolation and nearly starved. Any interaction they had with other humans was often for torture. Has Shields made that connection?"

"I don't know."

"But you'll bring it up to her now," Mark said.

Marianne looked uncomfortable. "Well, yes."

"Don't worry. It's not a bad idea. It's not that I think my life is going to be easy from here on out, but knowing what I might have to face mentally and physically isn't going to be easy to handle either. Still, we all need to know."

"Houston to Hermes, you are go for Trans Earth injection," the voice of the CapCom rang through the flight decks.

"Okay then crew, we're about to be on our way," Taylor announced.

Mark bit his lip and wrapped his hands around his over-the-shoulder restraints. He took one deep breath after another as he felt the push of the orbital maneuvering thrusters shifting their trajectory. He could hear everyone on the top flight deck talking to each other, probably reporting out speed and trajectory numbers, but he couldn't make out any of the words. He focused on the stars ahead of them and the planet to the side. He wanted to see it shrink in the window. He knew though that would take hours or even days. He could wait, as long as they kept moving.

"We're on a return to Earth trajectory," Taylor reported.

"Commencing spin-up of the modules to Mars gravity levels," Alannah announced.

"We're really leaving," Mark whispered. "We're really leaving. I'm really going home."

"Yes, we are," Marianne said with a sad smile noting the tears running down his face. "You're going home. We're all going home."