Chapter 11
Devotion
It was close to noon when the sound of the usual alarm grated Tsuki's ears, dragging her out of slumber. Drowsily opening her eyes, her first instinct was to reach out for the digital alarm clock standing on the nightstand to silence it, her mind already going down a mental checklist of what needed taking care of before she would start preparing for another night at work.
Her body heavy, even that simple movement turned out much more sluggish than she had expected. A sharp jolt of pain suddenly shot through her foot, electrifying her still half-conscious brain and making her hiss. Only then did it occur to her — she had forgotten to turn the alarm off; there was not much point in waking up at a specific hour that day, nor the following couple of days.
Awake now, her gaze fell on the reminders of her current situation — the crutch propped against the nightstand and the ankle brace that she had hung from it by its straps. By that point, however, she did not need them to jog her memory anymore — the pain in her leg and her aching, bruised body had done an exemplary job of that already. Sitting up in bed and pulling off the covers — something she did not normally pay any attention to — proved a bigger challenge than it should have been. It seemed that as long as she stayed on the move, she did not feel the pain as much; now, after a few hours of sleep, however, she felt as though she had aged forty years in a single night.
She turned her head towards the window — the sharp sunlight seeping through the blinds suggested the weather outside was everything one could wish for, considering the first week of November was already coming to a close. She sighed. Given the way she was, was there even any point in getting out of bed? With nowhere to go and not much else she could do around the apartment at the moment, the empty hours ahead were beginning to make her anxious. Sure, once she had managed to limp to the living room sofa she could watch some TV or play video games on the console, perhaps read something, maybe browse the internet on the laptop or her phone… and yet, she did not feel like doing any of those things. What she did feel like was sleeping the day away in hopes that she would feel better on the following one.
No, she chided herself in her thoughts, shaking off the resignation that had taken hold of her. This was nothing compared to what she had had to deal with in the past. She was not yet so old that something like this would break her.
Fighting through the pain, she willed her body to sit at the edge of the bed, and reached for the brace. Putting it on, she saw her ankle was still swollen, the bruises a vivid mixture of purple and red now. Once it was on, she stood up on her good leg and tried putting some weight on her injured foot — but the only answer she got was more pain. Balancing on one leg, she grabbed the crutch, and sighed again. She had expected as much, but it had still been worth a try.
One step at a time, she thought, the unintended pun making her smirk to herself. First off, she would make herself something to eat and drink. Perhaps breakfast would provide her with an opportunity to figure out what to do with her empty schedule.
On the way to the kitchen, she noticed the empty packaging on the coffee table from the soba she had eaten the previous night, which, tired as she had been, she had decided she would throw out the next day, and her mind instantly focused on the one whose kind gesture enabled her to eat a better meal than whatever she could have made for herself at the time. Despite her attempts to dissuade him from it, he would not budge, and he had ended up going out of his way to get it for her. It might not have been anything groundbreaking, but this small act of kindness meant more to her than she was willing to say out loud. If only she had not been so careless, she would be at work again that evening… hoping that he would show up. The prospect of not being able to see him again for however long she would be stuck at home made her feel absolutely destitute.
All throughout breakfast, he would not leave her thoughts. She was torn. It seemed that she was quickly approaching the point of no return, but the closer that moment drew, the harder something inside her pressed on the brakes. She had thought she was ready to put her trust in someone again, to give romance one more chance — but it was proving easier said than done. She could not wrap her head around why he would be interested in her. Maybe he was in it just for her looks — not that she felt particularly special in that regard; there were so many beautiful girls working in nighttime entertainment in Kamurocho… With that in mind, why in the world would he go after her in particular? Was it because she could fight? Was it all just… to have some stupid fun for a while? And if not that, then what in the world could it be that he saw in her?
At the end of the day, she was reluctant to admit that she was simply afraid. Afraid of shedding her armor, of letting him past the walls she had built around herself over the years. He had already made a crack in them, its jagged line only growing with time. Not much more and her defenses were sure to crumble. She would become vulnerable — and if it turned out that she had been wrong about him all this time, her heart would shatter into a million pieces.
Why was she like this? Why couldn't she have fallen for a normal guy, like everyone else? Even now, when she had finally managed to stand on her own two feet — metaphorically speaking — running a wholly above-board business, why did everything she did always inevitably loop back to the criminal underworld? Perhaps it would have been a smarter move if she had left Kamurocho when she had had the chance instead of opening a bar there after all, she scoffed.
She was an absolute mess, now both physically and mentally. Considering how much he had been through himself, burdening him with her own woes on top of that did not seem fair. That said, their recent heart-to-heart had lit a spark of hope in her heart that, perhaps, he would not write her off completely because of her baggage. That feeling, that hope, was the reason she had chosen to honestly answer some of his questions about her past. It was a dangerous and foolish thing, hope.
Before she was able to finish eating, the sharp sound of the doorbell broke the silence. Glancing at the time, Tsuki remembered that Aki had promised to drop by to check up on her. It might have been a little earlier than she would have expected, but it was possible she wanted to stay for as long as she could before heading off to work. Leaving the dishes behind, Tsuki slid the kitchen door closed and, step by step, made her way to the door to let her friend in.
Her eyes went as wide as saucers when, instead of Aki, she saw that her visitor was Majima. Mind going blank for a moment, she tried not to give in to panic. For some reason, he appeared equally as stumped. Meeting his gaze, she noticed how his eye traveled down her body before returning to her face, his eyebrows arching up slightly at what he was seeing. It immediately made her feel self-conscious — only then did she realize that she was still wearing the loose t-shirt and shorts she used as sleepwear. Anticipating her visitor to be Aki, she had thought it pointless to change clothes. Now, she was sorely regretting it.
They stood there for a spell, staring at each other in baffled silence.
"Majima-san? Wh… What are you doing here?" Tsuki finally said, trying to hide her embarrassment behind a frown of annoyance.
Instantly, her words made him snap back to his usual self. He cleared his throat.
"I've made up my mind."
"...Huh? What about, exactly?" she replied, a confused expression painting itself on her face.
He straightened, the look in his eye one of pure determination.
"Ya need help, so I'm gonna help ya 'til you're well enough to handle stuff on yer own again."
"...Wait, what? Who said I needed help?"
"Uh… Ya can barely waddle 'round the house, the doc told ya to stay put, so you're prob'ly gonna need some things taken care of, right?" he said, her surprise at his declaration putting a slight dent in his confidence. "I can handle the shoppin', or bring ya food when ya don't feel like cookin'. Just tell me what ya need an' I'll get it for ya."
Wide-eyed, Tsuki stared at him for a few moments. Mouth slightly agape, she appeared at a loss for words, but, instinctively, her defenses were already going up.
"I… I appreciate the offer, but I couldn't possibly ask you to do that," she said once she had found her voice again.
"An' why the hell not? Ain't that what friends are for? To help each other out when they need it?"
"S-Sure, but… I'm not exactly bedridden. I can do most things around the house just fine on my own and the stuff I already have stocked up should be enough for me to get by until I can shop on my own again," she protested. "You're probably busy enough as you are and you expect me to ask you to take even more time out of your day to act as my personal delivery service? Come on."
"Fair enough — but it ain't like I'm busy all the time, an' it's not somethin' that'll take that long anyway. I can drop by every other day — that oughta be enough to get ya all ya need, right?"
His insistence and the pleading look in his single good eye took Tsuki aback. His willingness to help was admirable, but it did not feel right for her to put such a responsibility on his shoulders when she did not have to. She could expect such an offer from a long-time friend like Aki, but it coming from someone she had known for less than two months at that point baffled her. It was a rare kindness she was not used to and, although nothing suggested he had any hidden motives, she could not help being wary.
"Are you doing this because you feel it was your fault somehow?"
"Wha…?" Her question had clearly thrown him for a loop. "N-Naw, that ain't why—"
"Listen. I got myself into this mess," she interrupted, having picked up on his sudden nervousness. "You don't need to feel guilty just because it happened when it did."
Hearing this, Majima lowered his gaze, and Tsuki noticed a muscle twitch in his jaw.
"Sure, but… I can't help thinkin' I shoulda gone with ya an' made sure ya got home safe," he said quietly in response. "It was my idea to go drinkin' and now that ya got hurt 'cause of it… I feel like I failed ya."
"Failed me?" she furrowed her brow. "How exactly did you fail me? You don't owe me anything. And I'm not a child — I don't need, nor want, anyone to hold my hand and look after me. I'm not your responsibility and this whole thing has nothing to do with you."
The growing annoyance in her voice seemed like a warning sign, her reluctance to accept his help odd. He had thought the bond between them had grown strong enough for an offer like that not to seem out of place. Why, then, was she so insistent on pushing him away?
"But… I saw how ya were an' still, I did nothin'. If only I'd followed ya, maybe ya wouldn't have gotten hurt…"
"And what makes you so sure I would've even let you follow me?" she bristled. "By the same logic, I shouldn't have drunk as much as I did. You can't control everything, you know? Some things happen whether or not you want them to and in no way is that your fault, so you shouldn't feel responsible for them."
A short, awkward pause followed.
"So… ya don't want me to help?" Majima broke the silence, his voice and the look in his eye full of resignation.
"Thank you, but no. I'll manage on my own."
"Then… how 'bout some company, at least?"
The frown on her face only deepened.
"...Is that supposed to be another one of your lewd jokes?"
"Oh, for… I'm bein' serious here!" he groaned in exasperation. "Won't bein' able to talk to someone while you're stuck at home make the whole thing less of a pain in the ass?"
"No," she shot him down without much hesitation. "First off, I'm used to being alone. And second, what I need right now isn't company — it's rest. Speaking of which, I'd like to get back to it, because I can feel my ankle starting to hurt again. I'm sorry you've come all this way for nothing."
He did not entirely understand why she was so averse to the idea of accepting aid from him when he was almost certain it would make her current situation easier and her recovery all the smoother, at least to some degree. Arguing about it when she seemed so set on going it alone was pointless, however, and he was quickly running out of ideas how to change her mind. To an extent, he had expected it to go this way.
"Naw… It's alright," he gave her a bitter smile. "I should be the one apologizin' for needlessly takin' up yer time when ya should be restin'. I'll let ya be — ya take care of yerself, yeah?"
He seemed so dejected, that it made something inside Tsuki scream in protest. Regardless, she had already made her choice — it was too late to go back on what she had said.
"I will. Thanks."
With that, she closed the door and slowly turned around to start limping back to the living room. Before she took a step, however, she hesitated. Seeing him so defeated had suddenly made a wave of guilt flood her mind. It did not help that she knew that if she were to listen to what her heart was telling her, she would have accepted his offer almost immediately. In truth, she had panicked when he unexpectedly appeared on her doorstep. She was beginning to hate herself for refusing his help; he had been right about everything, yet she still stubbornly refused him for reasons she did not fully understand. Perhaps, after how their most recent evening out had gone, she was just scared. It had been easier for her to open up to him after drinks, but now that she was painfully sober again, she could not prevent doubt from plaguing her anew.
A minute or two passed while she stood there grappling with her thoughts; then, the vibration and sound of her cell phone pulled her out of her musings. Steadying herself on the crutch, she took it out of her pocket, flipped it open and saw a new message notification.
Ya absolutely sure ya don't need anythin'?
Last chance to change yer mind 'fore
I start headin' back. Ya don't need to see or
talk to me if ya don't wanna — just lemme
know what to get an' I'll leave it at yer door.
Unbelievable, Tsuki thought as she stared at the words on the screen. With a frustrated sigh, she turned back as fast as her injured leg allowed her, then unlocked and pushed the apartment's door open one more time. Just as she had expected, Majima was still there, his back to her, elbows propped on the low wall of the exterior corridor. His head jerked up when he heard the sound of the door opening behind him; he swirled around to face her, an expectant look in his eye.
"Alright, out with it — what's the deal?"
"H-Huh? Deal? There ain't no deal."
"Why are you so insistent on helping me? What's your endgame here?"
"...Do I really need an endgame to want to help ya?" he frowned, tilting his head to the side.
"So you're telling me you want to help just like that and you expect nothing in return?"
"That's right."
There was a short pause during which Tsuki studied Majima's face. She could not find any sign of malicious intent in it whatsoever.
"...You're a pretty odd guy, you know?"
He took a tentative step towards her.
"Listen… Ya were kind to me when ya had literally no reason to be — is it really so strange that I'd wanna return the sentiment?"
"Yeah, but… you're basically asking me to agree to make you my errand boy. It's not right."
"How ain't it right? I'm offerin' to do it of my own free will — you're the one who's bein' stubborn an' makin' a big deal out of it. I just wanna help an' that's it. What kinda guy would I be if I turned my back on ya when ya could so obviously use a hand?"
"Oh, so it's a matter of pride, then?"
"C'mon, cut the crap an' just lemme help, would ya? Hells…"
His patience growing thin, he noticed a smile ever so slightly lift the corner of her mouth. At this point, he was beginning to wonder if she was doing this to tease him purely for the fun of seeing him squirm.
"Okay, fine," she relented, no longer even trying to hide her amusement, and saw how his face instantly lit up. "Why did I just know you wouldn't let it go, no matter what I said?"
"'Cause that ain't the kinda guy I am an' ya damn well know it. Did ya really hafta make it so difficult, though?"
"I did."
"Wha…? Y'know what, I'm startin' to think I'll never understand how yer mind works," Majima slumped forward with a heavy sigh.
"Maybe that's for the better."
"Right… Now that that's settled, though, there anythin' ya want me to get ya?"
"Nah, I'm good for the day. I'm not joking — I really do still have everything I could need, for the time being," she quickly added, noticing how his eye had narrowed in suspicion. "How about this: I'll take stock of things and let you know later if there's anything I could use."
"Hmm… Alright. Just don't push yerself too hard while you're at it."
"I won't. Don't worry."
"Ya told me not to worry last time, too, y'know — an', well, here we are," he rebuffed her. "Make sure ya get some rest. I'll check up on ya tomorrow, but if somethin' comes up in the meantime, gimme a call," he added, ignoring her current pout.
"Sure. Not like there's much else I can do besides rest, anyway."
"That's the spirit. Be seein' ya, then."
In Tsuki's eyes, he was much too happy about the whole affair than seemed appropriate. She did not fully understand it, but, deep down, she was grateful to him for reaching out to her like that. Closing the door, she shook her head, unable to escape the gnawing doubt that made her wonder whether the choice she had ultimately made was the right one.
Within an hour, there was someone at her door again. Having muted the sound of the TV program she had been watching, Tsuki refastened the brace on her ankle, grabbed the crutch that was quickly becoming her new best companion, and waddled towards the entryway one more time, hoping that it was not Majima again. No matter what his reason would be this time, she was unsure what she would say or do if it turned out to be him after all.
She was relieved to find that, this time, it was Aki. Invited to come in, Aki stopped in front of the step marking the end of the entrance, however, making no move to take off her coat and shoes despite Tsuki's insistence that she sit down for a while.
"Thanks, but I won't be long. Still need to buy some things for later before I head for the bar. Tell me, though — how are you holding up? Does it feel any better with the brace?"
"I'm not sure… I think it's too soon to say," Tsuki grimaced in reply. "Plus, today my body feels like I've been hit by a truck, so… I feel about as well as I look. Limping between my bed, the couch and the door has been the pinnacle of my achievements so far today," she added with a bitter chuckle.
"I can imagine…" Aki gave her an empathetic look. "That's also part of the reason why I'm here. If you need anything taken care of, some day-to-day shopping and whatnot, let me know. I'll do what I can between work. Okay?"
Tsuki looked away, bashfully putting her free hand to the back of her head.
"Oh… I'm grateful for your concern, but there's no need for that."
"What do you mean there's no need? You plan on eating nothing but rice until you're out and about again?" Aki frowned, confused. "You know you can count on me, right? I wouldn't be suggesting it if I knew I couldn't do it. When shit hits the fan, you've always got my back, so now I want you to know I've got yours."
"That's not at all why. It's because… he already offered to do it and, in the end, I agreed.
The gear turning in her head, Aki blinked a few times at her before responding.
"Hold up. By 'he' you mean… Majima?"
Tsuki nodded.
"I've got to say, I didn't expect that," Aki raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Neither did I, to be honest…"
"When was this?"
"Today. He came by some time before you did."
"Ookay… So, are you two, like…?"
"Are we, like, what?"
"You know what I mean. Alright, let's back up a bit — what happened yesterday? Did he show up at your place?"
"Um… Yeah, he did."
"And… How did it go?"
"Fine, I guess?"
"That's all you have to say — fine? Care to elaborate?"
"Well, what do you expect me to say? It was fine. That's it."
"So, nothing happened? No breakthrough or anything?"
"...Breakthrough? What?"
"Geez… Watching you two really is like watching tortoises. I thought that maybe something would have happened, given the circumstances."
"I-I don't know what you were expecting would happen," Tsuki stuttered, becoming increasingly flustered. "Sure, I could see he was worried, but it seemed like that was all it was. You were worried too, from what he told me, so I guess it was normal that he'd be worried as well."
"And then he showed up again today and offered to do your shopping for you just like that?"
"Uh, pretty much. We did grow a little closer as friends recently… sort of, at least. He said he wanted to repay me for being nice to him. I tried to tell him he didn't need to go that far for me, but he wouldn't budge. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, now that I've had some time to think it over…"
Aki mulled her friend's words over in her head for a few moments.
"You want to know what I think?"
"Is it that he's plotting something?"
"No, for once, that's not it. I think he's actually trying to get closer to you by doing this. By now, he can probably guess that you don't trust him yet, so he wants to show you he's willing to work for it. Before, I'd say it's so that he can use it in some malicious way, but after yesterday… I'm not so sure anymore. The fear in his eyes — I mean, eye, singular — that was real."
Seeing the realization slowly dawn on her friend, Aki noticed that she was becoming more nervous by the second.
"You should be happy, Tsuki. If he keeps his promise, I might actually stop hounding your ass over this whole thing, knowing that he doesn't want to—"
"I… I don't think I'm ready for it," Tsuki interjected in a shaky voice.
"What?... Didn't you tell me you were ready to trust him? More importantly, didn't you kiss him during that last date of yours?"
"I-I know, but… if you're right, then it's a lot to take in. Honestly, I didn't think things would escalate so quickly. Now, I'll have him coming around my apartment who knows how often and… It's suddenly a lot more tangible, you know? I'm not sure if I can—"
"Come on! Isn't this what you wanted? Sometimes, things move along faster than you'd want them to — and so what? Go with the flow, see what happens — isn't that your way of doing things?"
"Y-Yeah, but… I don't want to assume he's doing this because he… you know… he wants us to be more than friends. I mean, he didn't even mention what happened when we were out together."
"He probably assumed you did it because you were wasted. In any case, if either one of you decides you want to talk about it, you'll have the peace and quiet to do it this way, won't you?"
"...I-I guess."
"Well, either way, it seems like this might be an interesting turn of events for you two," Aki gave Tsuki a wry smile. "Unfortunate, seeing how banged up you are, but interesting all the same," she chuckled, readjusting the bag hung over her shoulder.
"I'm beginning to think I preferred the time when you still hated his guts. This is just weird."
"We'll see what happens. Keep your wits about you, feel him out, and you'll be fine. It's about time someone cracked open that shell you've been hiding in. And if it turns out he's the one to do it in the end, then I'll be happy to know I was wrong, for a change. Anyway, gotta run. Don't pull any more stupid stunts and if you need to talk, or anything else for that matter, just give me a call."
"Yeah, will do… Thank you."
As grateful as she was for it, Aki's visit had left Tsuki with much to think about. She was right — it was time for her to face the crippling fear that was holding her back. It would not be easy, but, at the very least, she had to try. However, merely thinking about it filled her with so much anxiety that the idea of putting it off — if only for another day — suddenly seemed irresistible. She heaved a long sigh, realizing that following her friend's advice would be far easier said than done.
The following day, instead of her alarm clock, which she had remembered to turn off this time, Tsuki was woken up by her cell phone. Eyes still half-closed, she reached for it and answered without looking at the screen.
"...Hello?" she said, her voice quiet and hoarse.
"Aw, hell. Did I wake ya?"
Her eyes flew wide open, heartbeat picking up pace, when she heard Majima's voice on the other side.
"Majima-san? Why are you…? Did something happen?"
"Uh… Naw, nothin'. Got some time on my hands, thought I'd call an' ask how you're doin'. Faster than typin' all of it, too. Have ya checked if ya need anythin' from the stores yet?"
Still drowsy, Tsuki rubbed her forehead with her free hand, trying to gather her thoughts enough to give him a coherent answer. Apart from a few basic ingredients she had all the supplies she could need for the next few days, so the shopping list she recited to him was relatively short.
"That's all?"
"Yeah. I've got everything else, for now."
"Gotcha. I'll be at yer place soon as I'm done. Want me to leave it all at yer door?"
The phone next to her ear, Tsuki turned her head to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Her gaze fell on the stuffed monkey doll Majima had won for her, which she had placed behind the clock after their day out, and felt a sudden pang of guilt.
"...No, it's okay. There's no need for that."
"Ya sure?"
The surprise audible in his voice did not escape her notice.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Roger that. I'll see ya soon, then," he said before hanging up.
In truth, Tsuki did not feel like getting out of bed that day, but after the unexpected call from Majima she had little choice. She would not let him catch her in her sleepwear again, that much was certain. Even if short, their unexpected chat had lifted her spirits. Heart beating faster ever so slightly in anticipation of his arrival, she swung her legs off the bed, hoping that she could will her still-aching body to move fast enough so she would make it in time.
The sight that awaited her when she greeted him at her apartment's door some time later was not at all what she had expected. The items she had asked him to buy would have easily fit into a single bag — instead, he had somehow ended up with three. She stared at him in bafflement, lost for words.
"Yo," he grinned as though nothing was out of the ordinary. "Where do ya want 'em?"
"H… Hi. Uh… The kitchen table, if you would."
"Sure thing. Comin' through."
She let him pass and he placed the bags on the step before swiftly removing his shoes, then picked them up again and carried them to where she had told him with a confident stride. She followed him as fast as her injured ankle allowed her.
"What is all this?..." she said, taking a look inside each of the bags he had brought, each filled to the brim with more products than she currently had an idea what to do with.
"Oh, er… Y'see… By the time I got to the store, I kinda forgot what exactly it was that ya wanted," he explained, visibly embarrassed now that she had pointed it out. "Thought I'd take a lil' of whatever made the most sense — figured that I'd maybe scoop up the things ya need along with all the rest. Hope ya ain't too angry with me."
Still in disbelief, Tsuki sat down in one of the two chairs at the table. Head propped on one hand, she simply laughed, taking in the abundance of produce in front of her.
"I'm not — how could I be? You're doing me a big favor, so I've got no right to complain. If there's anyone I could be angry with right now, it's myself. I should've sent you an email after we spoke — that way, it would've been easier for you. That said… If there's ever a next time, just call me if you forget what to buy. Although, looking at all this, I should be fine for at least a week, so I might just be able to shop on my own again by the time I run out."
"Hah, guess you're right, I prob'ly shoulda called ya… My bad. Check this out, though," he rummaged through the bags, eventually producing what looked like a bottle of pills. "I was passin' by a drugstore an' thought I'd ask 'bout somethin' that could help ya heal. This here's s'pposed to help reduce swellin' an' inflammation. Just hope ya ain't allergic to pineapples… Are ya?"
Taking the bottle from him, she could not help chuckling. Once again, he had managed to throw her for a loop — it was becoming a regular occurrence with him at this point, she mused.
"I'm not. Thank you… I'll check later if I can take these along with the medicine I was already given. Coming back to the matters at hand, though… How much do I owe you for everything?"
He appeared surprised by what she thought was a natural question on her part.
"Eh, don't worry 'bout it. It didn't come out so expensive that I'd expect ya to pay me back."
"Okay, stop bullshitting me. You either tell me how much you spent and I give it back to you or I'm never asking you to do me any favors again."
Faced with her scowl and a tone that brooked no argument, Majima gave up the fight with a resigned sigh. Tsuki gladly handed him the money, wondering how rich — or good-hearted — he was that he did not mind parting with a sum like that.
"Want me to help ya with unpackin'?" he offered timidly once he had stashed the bills away in his wallet.
"Nah, I can handle that much. With all this time on my hands, and as sluggish as I am right now, it'll at least give me something to occupy myself with for a while."
"Have it your way… Just take it slow an' don't make yerself worse."
"Slow is the only speed I have right now, so I should be fine," she replied with a self-derisive chuckle.
"Then, with that sorted… Anythin' else I can do for ya?"
"Nothing really comes to mind right now. You've been a great help, though, so — thank you. I owe you one."
As she spoke, the expectant look in his eye gradually turned into disappointment. Seeing it, an idea suddenly popped into her head. Whereas otherwise she would have thought it crazy, given the current state of things, she decided to give it a try.
"On second thought, actually…" she began and noticed the spark of interest light up his gaze. "Have you had lunch already?"
"Lunch? Uh, naw, not yet. Why?"
"Great. In that case, let me treat you — I was about to make something for myself anyway. I'll whip up something for you too as thank you. Unless you've got places to be, then—"
"Naw, actually… I'd like that. Pickin' up all this food was enough to make my stomach growl. One condition, though."
"Hm?"
"Lemme help ya. I ain't gonna sit on my ass while you're cookin' for two. Will need ya to tell me what ya want me to do, but it should still be easier for ya that way — an' if ya feel ya need to sit down for a bit, at least you'll have an extra eye on the food."
She had not expected him to say what he had, but how eager he had been to lend her a hand wherever he could, she probably should have anticipated it.
"O-Okay… It's been a while since I've had someone help me with cooking, but we can try it, what the hell," she said, getting to her feet. "Oh, right — we'll need to get these bags off the table."
"I can take 'em into the other room for the time bein', if ya want."
"Good idea. When you're back, wash your hands and we can get started."
She propped the crutch against the countertop, then washed her hands, balancing on her good leg. Once he was back, Majima removed his gloves without a word and left them on the table, and proceeded to do the same. Waiting for him, Tsuki found herself staring at his hands. It did not take long for him to take notice.
"Why're ya lookin' at my hands like that? Somethin' wrong with 'em?" he frowned.
"Oh! Sorry," she flashed him an embarrassed smile. "It's just that… I realized I'd never actually seen you without your gloves on."
"Haw? An' what's so special 'bout that? Or do ya just like lookin' at people's hands?"
"Pfft, nah, nothing of the sort. Forget about it — it was just a stupid thought that popped into my head."
"Eh? What kinda thought?"
"Um… That maybe there's some other reason you always choose to wear gloves, other than… style, I guess. Like I said, it was a stupid thing to wonder about. Sorry."
"Huh? Some other reason? Like what, scars or somethin'?" he scoffed, raising an eyebrow at her answer. "Naw… An' just for the record, there're times when I don't wear 'em. Y'know, speakin' of things like that," he pointed to the leather armband on her left wrist, "I could say the same 'bout you — ain't never seen ya without that armband of yers. Wearin' what ya are right now, it don't even fit, yet ya still got it on. Ya like it that much, or what?"
His rebuttal seemed to have caught her off guard.
"I… um… Yeah, guess I do," she replied with a short, nervous laugh. "Anyway, back to more important things — here's what I need you to do…"
Something was off about her response, Majima thought — almost like she was deliberately trying to hide the truth behind embarrassment. He had seen her do it before, too, he realized, and it made him as curious as ever what the story was this time. Before he had the chance to decide whether or not to push the matter further, however, she had changed the subject. Another time, perhaps — but he was certain he was not going to forget about it anytime soon.
Dividing the tasks between them as best as she could, Tsuki guided Majima through the whole process with an amount of patience she had not expected she had. Choosing to take care of rinsing the rice and seasoning the fish and vegetables, she left the more menial labor to him and oversaw his progress.
Having him standing next to her doing as mundane a thing as preparing food was proving surprisingly enjoyable. Contrary to her earlier fears, he was attentive and calm, and followed her instructions carefully. It made her wonder if he was no stranger to cooking or if he was simply such a quick learner. Not that there was anything particularly complicated about grilling fish, cooking rice and dicing vegetables, she thought, but she had nevertheless heard of people for whom even tasks such as those were more than they could handle.
It was clear to her that he was trying his best. Instead of expecting her to take care of it on her own, he had volunteered to help from the start. Why would he ever go out of his way like this for someone like her? Did he really like her that much — or was it because he felt indebted to her for something she did not even remember, even though he would not admit it? Perhaps she was being too hard on him, wary of malicious intent hidden behind his every action, but at this point it was more of a knee-jerk reaction than a conscious choice for her. The rising guilt inside prompted her to broach the subject.
"Listen, I… I'm sorry about yesterday."
"It's fine. Ya don't need to apologize for anythin'."
His voice soft as he replied, he kept his gaze fixed on the fish she had put him in charge of grilling, determined not to let them burn.
"You did kind of spring it on me, but still… I might've overreacted a bit."
"Naw… I get it. Ya don't trust people an', well, havin' a guy come over like this is prob'ly not somethin' you're used to. All the same, I meant what I said. It's the least I can do, y'know?"
"But… I didn't really do anything to warrant this."
"That's just what ya think."
"...What's that supposed to mean?"
Silence was the only reply he gave her. She did not push the subject further, settling for his cryptic half-answer for the moment.
"Oh — that should do it for the fish, I think," she pointed out, taking a look at the filets in his charge.
"Ha, was meanin' to ask ya 'bout it. Looked ready to me, too."
After a quick confirmation that everything was done, they placed the dishes on the table and sat down to enjoy the fruits of their culinary labors.
"You know, you're actually pretty good at this," Tsuki smiled, genuinely impressed with how smooth and painless their joint cooking venture had gone.
He gave her a quick glance and smirked.
"Ain't nothin' hard 'bout followin' instructions. Now, if ya told me to do all this on my own, it'd prob'ly be a different story."
Customarily putting their hands together and bowing their heads slightly, they both expressed their gratitude for the meal, then promptly picked up their respective chopsticks, ready to eat. Curious, Tsuki watched him as he took the first bite. She did not expect any particular reaction from him, but the way he seemed to have gotten lost in thought made her somewhat concerned.
"Did I go too hard on the seasoning?"
He looked up at her, surprised, as though unaware of what he had let show on his face.
"Naw — it's just right. Been a while since the last time I ate a home-cooked meal, that's all," Majima noted in a quiet voice, almost as if he was thinking out loud.
Relief washed over her — at the very least, his reaction had nothing to do with the food itself, she thought. The somber expression on his face gave her pause, however. She knew all too well from her own experience how easy it was for even the smallest of things to dredge up memories and feelings one would rather leave buried and forgotten. Not wanting to sour the mood of what was turning out to be a much more wholesome afternoon than she would have expected, she decided to keep the conversation light.
"Then, for someone who eats out so often you're a good kitchen hand, I'll tell you that," she chuckled.
"Heh. Thanks, but I didn't really do much."
"I'm glad you like it, though. Not too simple for you?"
"Naw… 'Sides, sometimes simple is good, y'know? Ya get caught up in the glitz too much an' ya end up forgettin' 'bout the lil' things."
"Well, next time you find yourself all glitzed out and I'm back on both my feet, I can make us something better. Aki always tells me I make pretty mean karaage."
"Hoo? Now you're speakin' my language! Can't wait to try it."
"We'll just have to keep it a secret from Aki, 'cause she won't let it slide if she finds out that I was making some and didn't invite her."
"She that much of a fan of yer karaage?"
"Oh, you wouldn't believe. I'm not sure why, since she could probably get some that's much better out in town."
"Hmm… Ya ever considered it might not only be 'bout the food? She prob'ly likes when ya invite her over just as much. Do ya two do anythin' special on those days?"
"I don't know… We watch movies or whatever's on TV at the time, talk, have a laugh, play video games sometimes — you know, the usual stuff. But, maybe you're right… Maybe it's not all about the chicken. She does like it, though, that much I know for certain."
"Well, either way, my lips're sealed, I can promise ya that."
They proceeded to sign their secret culinary accord with light-hearted laughter.
"By the way…" Majima changed the subject once it was quiet again. "Real nice place ya got here. Didn't get a chance to say it last time."
"Oh, thank you."
"Business sure is boomin', eh?"
"Mm. Can't complain."
"Musta cost a hefty sum — or are ya rentin'?"
His compliment had made her lower her guard, but the question about the financial side of things made a small alarm go off at the back of her head. She disliked talking about money matters, especially serious cases like this one. All the same, she was reluctant to assume he had planned to lull her into a false sense of security and was asking her about it for a reason other than curiosity.
"No… It's mine. It took a lot of saving up and I was only able to afford it a few months ago."
"That so? Congrats're in order, then. Where'd ya live 'fore that?"
"Stray."
"...Hold on. Yer bar?"
"Yeah. Didn't expect the couch in the back room had a story behind it, too, did you?" she chuckled, slightly embarrassed. "You could say I gambled everything on Stray… But it paid off, in the end, and that's what matters. Plus, I had help from a certain money-lender with a heart of gold."
"Ah, that Akiyama guy, ya mean? What, did he take pity on ya when he saw ya were livin' at yer new business venture?" Majima smirked playfully.
"Hah, no… Turned out I had some leftover funds from what he'd lent me, so I thought I'd use them for something other than the bar — with a steady income and having worked proper jobs for a few years I was actually able to pay a part of the price of the apartment upfront and mortgage the rest. But don't ever tell him I said that."
"Feh, don't think I'll be seein' enough of the guy for ya to worry 'bout that. He's all 'bout lendin' people money so they can change their lives, though, right? I'm pretty sure buyin' a place for yerself so ya don't hafta sleep on some ol' couch at yer bar fits that category. Don't think he'd mind even if he found out somehow."
"You might be right… For a money-lender, he's quite unorthodox when it comes to money, isn't he? I've tried convincing him I'd pay off my loan in installments, but each time he came up with some crappy reason I shouldn't and basically waved it off. So I've just been putting aside as much as I can so that maybe one day I'll be able to give it all back to him."
"Wouldn't surprise me if he didn't want it then either," Majima smirked. "Word on the street is he's got more money than he knows what to do with. Don't suppose he'll be missin' a few dozen mil — hell — even a hundred mil anytime soon."
"Hmm… He's really that loaded? Makes you wonder where he gets all of it from, seeing as he doesn't put interest on his loans. Hopefully, it's nothing shady."
"Don't think so. Would it bother ya if he did, though?"
"Well… What good would it be if he helped people using money he got by making others miserable? Doesn't make much sense to me, and he strikes me as a pretty straight-up guy, so I prefer to believe he wouldn't do such a thing. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about asking him for help, but… whatever the truth, one thing is certain — without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'd probably still be working at food joints or some hole-in-the-wall bars like I used to, with just enough funds to scrape by."
"Money was that tight back then, huh?"
Majima noticed how she balled her left fist before replying. It seemed he had unintentionally touched a nerve, and he cursed himself for it in his thoughts.
"It was. After what happened with the gang, I ended up virtually broke. Had to start from scratch, again, but it was better that way — it wouldn't feel right to build a new life for myself using what I'd earned as part of the gang. It was a fresh start for me in more ways than one, you could say."
"I see… All's well that ends well, though, right?"
"Yeah. It wasn't easy, that's for goddamn sure, but it was worth it, in the end," she smiled, the tension he had seen in her a few moments before gone as quickly as it had appeared.
He had no intention of pushing her further on the subject — in her current situation, it would probably do more bad than good, so he decided to keep the conversation as light and casual as possible.
"Y'know, if ya needed money, ya coulda tried workin' as a hostess for a while," he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "At least 'til ya made enough cash to move on. With a lil' practice, ya woulda made bank — an' that's a Lord of the Night guarantee."
"Me? A cabaret girl?" she giggled. "No way in hell! I wouldn't have lasted a day at a cabaret club!"
"Why not?"
She considered how to answer his question for a moment.
"Putting up a smile for people I don't give a damn about, or when I don't feel like it, isn't something I could do on the regular," she shook her head.
"How's that different from what ya do now at yer bar, though?"
"The difference is that now I have the luxury of liking who I like and disliking who I don't. Can't exactly tell a customer to beat it, to put it mildly, when you're a hostess. No matter how sleazy the guy, you've got to smile and bear it and make sure they come back and request you again. It feels… too fake for me."
"That's just one way of lookin' at it. Not all girls fake it — some actually enjoy themselves as much as their customers while keepin' it real. An' if a guy's too eager, they can count on the manager to step in when needed."
"Sure, I'm not saying it's not possible — I'm just saying it's not something I'd feel comfortable doing, unless I had no other options."
"Eh, fair enough. Guess we'll never know — perhaps you'd have been Kamurocho's number one hostess if ya had given it a try."
"For sure," she scoffed. "Besides, I don't think I was in the right place mentally at the time to consider that line of work. What do you think would have happened if one of my customers turned out to be someone I'd beat the crap out of in the past? You see… I needed to disappear for a while, to figure things out, away from the limelight."
"Ya got a point there," he admitted. "An' yet, ya still stayed in Kamurocho."
"I know… Not sure why. This town has an addictive quality to it, I guess. It grows on you."
"Like a fungus, perhaps," he quipped, evoking a snort of laughter from her. "Anyway… Thank ya for the food — it really hit the spot."
He stood up, moving to gather the empty plates from the table.
"You're more than welcome. Leave the dishes in the sink — I'll take care of them later. Don't even think about washing them — you've done me enough favors for one day," Tsuki smiled, but the tone of her voice was one that brooked no argument.
"Fine, fine. No need to glare at me like that," he scoffed in reply, then obediently placed the plates in the sink.
"I'm not glaring at you — I'm just making sure you get the message."
"Sure, call it what ya want," he chuckled as he put his leather gloves back on. "Well… It's 'bout time I got goin' anyway. Didn't expect I'd be stayin' this long."
"Oh… I hope I didn't ruin any of your plans because of this…"
"Naw, no worries on that front," he tried to assuage her fears, seeing the guilt that had appeared on her face. "Figured ya wanted some peace an' quiet to get proper rest. Ah, one more thing…"
He brought the bags back from the living room and placed them on the kitchen table again, then made his way towards the door, adjusting his pace as, crutch in hand, she limped behind him to see him off.
"That may be so, but… Honestly? I wouldn't mind if you dropped in every now and then — if you feel like it, obviously."
Her uncharacteristically timid suggestion sent a jolt of electricity down his spine, but he chose to remain cautious.
"I, uh… wouldn't wanna make myself a nuisance."
"You won't. It's actually been nice to have someone to talk to… Someone other than Aki, is what I mean. Having you around somehow takes my mind off of things, makes me feel better about all of this, you know? O-Of course, I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do it or that I'm guilt-tripping you into it, so—"
"I don't. Feel that way, I mean. Ya know I enjoy these lil' chats of ours — an' if me bein' 'round makes ya feel better, then I'll be there. Unless somethin' important comes up — can't weasel my way outta everythin', as much as I usually try to."
"And I don't expect you to. Just… let me know beforehand, alright? So that I don't end up parading in my shorts again in front of you like yesterday."
Hearing this, Majima chuckled playfully.
"Oh, feel free to walk 'round in shorts as much as ya want when I'm here — I won't mind."
"...And we're back to this again, huh?" she sighed, but a grin lit up her face all the same.
"I'm just teasin' ya."
"I know."
"Well, in that case, I'll be in touch. Later."
He raised his hand in his usual gesture of farewell and took his leave. Although they would not admit it, as they parted, this new paradigm — with all of its possibilities and unknowns — filled them both with excitement and anticipation. They were yet unaware, however, that their time together would prove a greater test of their resolve than they could have foreseen.
