*Three days later*
My blinks were slow, my breathing steady. My mind was as blank as the white ceiling I was staring at. The silence in my apartment felt heavy, along with everything else. I could feel gravity holding me to my bed. Its weight was so much heavier than I thought it could be. The cannons that were diffused were filled with confetti, while the ones with the candy were hidden until the very end of the parade. We were able to stop some people from eating the candy, but we still failed to stop 15 children, 18 women, and 10 men. Nothing could have been done to save them, except double checking that there definitely were no more cannons, which we probably would've done if… My mind went blank again, distracted by the feeling of the hot tears streaming down my cheek. I rolled onto my side and sobbed. The room spun around me.
Even though it felt like our fault, I knew it wasn't, at least that's what I kept telling myself. I've learned after being Batgirl and Oracle for so many years to not dwell on the 'should haves' or 'could haves.' I had to, or I would truly lose my sanity. That was my way to cope. Bruce… was a different story. He would dwell on this for the rest of his life just like everything else and cope his own way - by pushing everyone away and losing himself in work. Though this time, I did my fair share of distancing as well. I texted the group chat telling them that I went to Coastal City to be with my parents and asked them not to contact me for a while. Naturally, they tried to call me anyway, Dick many times, but I didn't answer, nor did I reach out to anyone… except Bruce. Not being able to fight my way out of bed, I had tried calling him multiple times and never received a response back, not that I was really expecting one. At least I knew Alfred would be there to keep him from completely losing his mind.
Instead of spending Christmas in Gotham as planned, everyone left as soon as they could to get away from it all and back to their lives, not that I could blame them. This pit in my stomach wasn't going away any time soon. The wind knocked out of me as soon as I heard the cannons go off, and that feeling hadn't gone away. On top of that heartbreak, there was another kind... I had fallen in love with Bruce. Was it real or a result of being comforted by someone I trusted and had known for a long time? Probably a mixture of both.
I knew we were temporary. I knew we wouldn't last, but I felt the pain regardless, not so much because I lost him but because I knew things between us would never be the same.
Pushing myself up with all the strength I had left in me, I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. My hands slid from my face through my hair. Placing my elbows on the sink, holding my head, I watched the steady stream of water drop into the sink. With a deep breath, I looked at the girl in the mirror again waiting for her to say something, anything, but she said nothing. She just watched me deal with the consequences we both knew there would inevitably be.
