McGill pondered about everything that has happened today: The trip from Cicero to here, Miseryville, whether if he is in hell or not and so on. The first and foremost question that spawned in his mind is how he managed to get here. He still couldn't figure it out, and there were no clues to be found, he just closed his eyes and - boom - he's here. The bus driver was of no help either because he didn't know a thing, he said he just looked back and all of a sudden he's there.
He could try to look for the Miservillians who were on the bus with him when he arrived here. The bus driver did say there were others on the bus, but couldn't remember who else was on the bus when he appeared. All McGill just has to do with this lead is to search the entirety of Miseryville to find them and that's it. He also has to take in account the possibility that they might have forgotten by the time he finds them.
He also remembers having this dream earlier before waking up, he wonders if that dream is related to his current predicament. A dream about a possessed teacher before waking up in a place that literally looks like hell cannot be a coincidence. This place seems to be ruled by a demon as well judging from Beezy's appearance but at the same time this is a planet, which begs the question on whether he is actually in hell or if this planet is hell. He supposes he'll find the answer to that question in time and decides to think about other subjects.
He wonders how Marco is doing, McGill can guess that he is pretty upset with him right now since he didn't show up after promising a great weekend. He thought about his mother, she must be worried sick, her son not coming home before dark and knowing nothing about his whereabouts. Amber alerts must be going through all channels on TV by now stating about a missing teen and search parties being dispatched looking for him. He probably has already become a statistic among an epidemic of disappearances of teenage men in Chicago that started last year.
Lastly, he thought about Chuck…
"Jimmy, do you want some lemonade?" The voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He sat up looking towards the kitchen and saw Two Shoes with a pitcher of lemonade. He looks at his watch and it says 10:00, he could have sworn the sun had set only recently. Either way though it all comes down to one thing.
'Lemonade, at this hour?' He mused. 'Eh, why not.' He looks at Jimmy. "Sure."
McGill walked to the kitchen table while Two Shoes poured him a glass of lemonade. "Thanks" He said. "No worries" Two Shoes replied.
The two sat down at the table and drank their lemonade, the beverage wasn't bad it's a little on the sweet end but it didn't matter. McGill poured another glass and decided to start a conversation, "What are your plans for tomorrow?" He asked. "Meet up with Beezy and find something fun to do, the usual." Two Shoes replied as he poured another glass finishing the pitcher.
'This is all you do?' McGill wondered, but he realized he can't offer anything better at the moment. "Sounds… fun. For me, I'm going to try and find some people who saw me appear and find out how I got on that bus." He said.
"Wait, you don't know how you got on the bus?" Jimmy asked surprised.
"Nope, I fell asleep on a bus going to Cicero and when I woke up, there I was. On a bus in this Miseryville."
"Hmm… Interesting, this sounds like a case for detective Jimmy, mind if I join you?" Jimmy offered. McGill took a second to catch himself. "Uhm, I, uh s-sure, I don't mind." He took a swig from his glass before asking more questions, this time about the one that was gnawing at his mind.
"So this Miseryville, is it hell, because I see a lot of things resembling it?"
"Nah, it's not hell." Jimmy began. "Everyone here is alive and breathing, if it was hell you'd probably see dem… oh right, but no this isn't hell."
That answer assured McGill but it didn't satisfy him for whatever reason, he decided to move to other topics for this place.
"Judging by the name, I'm guessing people here are supposed to be unhappy, depressed and miserable?"
"Heloise said something along those lines too, but I've never experienced that. In fact there's quite a lot of cool things to do here that are awesmazing."
Awesmazing? Jimmy internally cringed at that word, he's starting to feel like he's talking to an eight year old.
"How's it like back on Earth?" Two Shoes then asked.
"Sort of comparable to here with the exception of Miseryville being the only country and city I suppose," McGill began. "Other than that if you replace all the monsters with people, I'd just think this is the weird part of town." McGill took a sip of lemonade and continued.
"Spooky season's almost here at my world by the way, so maybe when I go back and Halloween comes, I'll probably think I've never left." He trails. "You know, I would like to dress in a clown costume but a bozo might come and whack me."
McGill chuckled and looked at Two Shoes who is confused. "What? That's supposed to be a joke!"
With nothing else to say, they finished their glasses of lemonade and after washing the dishes, both Jimmies were ready to retire for the night.
"Jimmy, do you have a spare toothbrush I could use?" Jimmy McGill asked. "I don't, sorry." Jimmy Two Shoes said feeling guilty. "But I can share my toothbrush." He offered, trying to make it up.
McGill was taken aback by the offer. "Um, It's ok I'll just use my fingers, it is a good backup for me when I run out of tooth brushes." Two Shoes shrugged. "OK then."
The two Jimmies each said their good nights and went to their respective places to sleep. Two Shoes went in his bedroom while McGill crashed on the couch. McGill started to ponder about the trio he met this time.
He is perplexed about Two Shoes, for one he is stupid, not Beezy stupid though, Beezy is a big dumb idiot because he is a big dumb idiot. No, Jimmy is stupid due to him being a naïve go-lucky mental child completely oblivious of the dangers something/someone poses. Not to mention, he only sees the good in everyone never the bad, it sort of reminds him of his father. McGill is starting to gain an urge to scam him now, he should probably think of a few schemes to use on him.
His mind drifted to the people he is friends with. An immature demon and a sadistic mad scientist are Jimmy Two Shoes' best friends, two different monsters all together. This is starting to sound like something out of a weird psycho thriller film.
Beezy, McGill couldn't believe how a giant demon like him can turn out to be a giant mental midget. The way he acts and how he lives disgusts him to no end, and from his conversation with the bus driver, his father (Lucius, was it?) runs this town. He pities that poor guy; to have a lazy, deadbeat son as your only heir is a pretty rough go. He should give Beezy credit though, without him, he wouldn't have been getting used to the weirdness of Miseryville this soon, especially when it came to that incident with the "lava worm".
Heloise, don't get him started on her, an evil genius hell-bent on torturing this world's inhabitants for the sake of pleasure. All this gives her a scary personality and the fact that she is also one of Jimmy's best friends is mind blowing to him. Such a go lucky and upbeat person being friends with someone crazy like her, he simply doesn't know where to start.
Then something clicked in his mind, he realized that Jimmy's friends have friends in high places. Beezy is the son of the leader of this world while Heloise, being an inventor, probably knows a lot of high tier contractors. So it is essential to get on their good sides if he were to meet with their connections, which means he would need to keep Two Shoes happy. Looking at it this way, scamming and stealing from Jimmy would only result in shooting himself in the foot. He supposes he will need to play ball and become one of his "best friends" for now.
There is now a chance to get to the big fishes here, his imagination already running wild trying to form a plan for a big con. This is starting to get exciting now, perhaps he could make his name here while searching for a way out.
…
It is morning, the sun is now high up in the sky, and McGill is still asleep soundly on the couch in the living room. That is when two silhouettes appeared and started sneaking their way towards him. They closed in on the sleeping Jimmy and pulled out their tools: Pencils, a cup of water, beauty products, etc. With a giggle, they made their move, who are these people and what are they doing to him.
The pair of silhouettes turns out to be Jimmy and Beezy, and they are on a noble quest to give McGill a wakeup present. They started with his hair, carefully bundling them to opposite ends and putting a rubber band on each bundles. Just as they finished, McGill stirred and moved scaring them at the thought of him waking up before they can finish.
They sighed in relief when it turned out he only was changing his sleeping position to his side facing away from the couch, he inadvertently slapped Beezy in the process. They started on his face by drawing a moustache, then they painted the rest to his face white and applying some make up for the finishing touch. They moved on to set up his surroundings, they could hardly wait to see his reaction.
An air horn blew loudly scaring Jimmy McGill awake screaming, the first thing he saw is a giant red chicken clucking at him. He screamed, his fight or flight mode is triggered and he immediately sprang into action but as soon as he stood up he felt something wet. He looked down to see a pair of wet boxers, his feet are now wet and what's worse is he is still wearing his socks. He panicked and instantly went back on the couch and stood back up somewhere away from the boxers.
He looked at Jimmy and Beezy, whom were giggling, in contempt. "I hope you didn't purposely pee in your boxers just so you could do… this." He gestured to his wet socks. "At least assure me of that." McGill growled.
"Hehe, no that's just water" Two Shoes replied.
"Good, that's a start. I guess."
Irritated, Jimmy McGill rubbed his face but felt something and when he inspected it his eyes widened upon seeing white matter. Just how far did these two orangutans go with this? He was scared to find out, he looked back at the giggling duo, Beezy took a mirror out of nowhere for him to see his face.
His anger became horror upon seeing what they had done to him. His head is covered in white paint with a pink spot on both of this cheeks complete with lipsticks covering his lips and a moustache drawn above. He also has a ponytail on both the left and right sides of his head, he is hideous.
He gasped in sheer horror and looked away covering his eyes. "Don't look. Don't look!" He yelled.
Jimmy and Beezy laughed uncontrollably. McGill screamed again and ran towards the bathroom for dear life leaving wet footprints on the floor before slipping and sliding head first into a drawer making a cracking sound. Jimmy and Beezy's laughs became an "ooo." upon seeing what happened. To add insult to injury, a vase that was on top of the drawer fell on his head, "I'm alright."
…
It took a while for Jimmy McGill to clean up everything on this face. The pony tails proved to be the worst part as the rubber would sometimes stick to the hair making it painful to remove. His neck which he hurt from the slipping incident earlier also magically healed in almost an instant, the wonders of Miseryville continues to astound him.
He is currently wandering around the city with Two Shoes trying to find anyone that was there on the bus when he appeared. After a while with no luck, they made their way to a store for an errand run.
The two Jimmies entered the store and started searching for a toothbrush. It wasn't long before they found what he had come for, McGill grabbed one but hesitated and ended up grabbing several more. They went to the cashier and put the toothbrushes on the counter, there are five in total.
"That will be $4, sir." The cashier said. McGill dug through his pockets and realized he didn't have any money. Right, how could he have forgotten this, he turned and asked Two Shoes.
"Hey uh, can you pay for this? I'll make sure to pay you back."
"Sure, and no need to pay me back." Two Shoes said. He reached for his pockets and dug out some coins and a button and put them on the counter. The cashier wasn't impressed, the coins didn't even make up for one toothbrush let alone five.
"Hmm, it seems I didn't bring any money either." Two Shoes said. "Do you have anything on you?"
McGill was dumbfounded at that question. "Um, if I had anything I wouldn't have been asking."
"What I mean is if you have something on you we can sell." Two shoes elaborated. "Jimmy, I don't think we can sell in a convenience store and plus, apart from these candles, I don…" Wait a minute, candles that's it.
He was reminded of his plans for the weekend prior to coming here, how could he have forgotten about all these. He needs to check whether if the vase that fell on his head gave him amnesia or not. He stopped whatever thoughts he previously had and looked outside until he spied upon a random Miservillian.
Bingo.
Confused, Two Shoes asked about what he was doing but was only told to stay with the cashier before bolting through the door. He saw McGill going to a Miservillian walking across the street and talking to him. They were too far away for Jimmy to hear their conversation, but he thinks it is about the candles seeing McGill holding one in his hand and gesturing to it. The Miservillian made an excited look and bought a handful of those candles. McGill then went back into the store with money in hand.
"So what happened out there?" Two Shoes questioned. "Oh why I made money by selling some candles." McGill said, "I'll go through the details later." He's not going to.
"What's important right now is we have the money." He said as he put the money on the counter.
The cashier didn't care and took the money storing it in the cash register and giving out the change. McGill stashed the toothbrushes in his bag and the two Jimmies exited the building. As they walked, there is one burning mystery that Two Shoes wanted to get off of his chest.
"I thought those candles are precious to you." He said
McGill looked at him puzzled. "That was a ruse to let us escape, did you seriously buy into that?"
"Oh a ruse, got it." said Two Shoes.
McGill huffed. 'This hopeless child.'
As they continued walking, Two Shoes started to get ideas of all the fun activities they can do now that their errands are over. "What do you think we should do first?" He realized McGill isn't with him. "Jimmy?"
He looked around and found McGill giving a handful of candles to another Miservillian in exchange for more cash. McGill turned around and waved at him before coming back to his stead, smiling.
Two Shoes looked at him suspiciously before asking again. "Want to do some fun activities?"
"Sure, what do you have in mind?"
As Two Shoes went over the activities they can do, McGill spotted another Miservillian. His gaze shifted between Two Shoes and that abomination trying his best to resist his urge of scamming him.
He looked at him. 'Do it', 'no don't do it.' He started shaking.
He looked at him again. 'I want to do it', 'no I don't.' He's now biting his nail on one of his fingers.
And again. 'I want to', 'stop it.' He's biting nails on all of his fingers now.
Two shoe's back is turned on him as McGill looked at him once more. 'I WANT TOOOO!'
He zipped to the Miservillian before zipping back to Two Shoes cash in hand just in time for him to turn around.
"So, what do you want to do?"
McGill doesn't know what to say, he didn't really listen to what Jimmy was saying since he laid eyes on that monster he'd just scammed.
"Umm, you choose?"
…
McGill didn't know how he got here, all he knows is that he is falling down fast with Jimmy in a bumper car. He is screaming to the top of his lungs while holding on to the handle of the car for dear life. When Jimmy said they were going sky diving he didn't think it would be this… right skydiving, that's what got him here.
"THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF SKYDIVING?!"
"I know, awesome ride isn't it?" Jimmy of course is oblivious to McGill's terror. "WEEEE"
He looked at this ecstatic teen in disbelief, why did he ever agreed to do this?
"Beezy" He said as he appeared behind them out of nowhere.
"Wha- How did you get here?!" McGill asked, stunned.
"Oh you know." Beezy said. "NO, I DON'T KNOW." McGill shouted, he wanted to press Beezy for answers but he had more important things on his mind. He looked and saw that they're about to hit the ground.
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" It was the last thing that was said before they crash-landed hard leaving a hole in the ground. McGill now dazed, got out of the hole, wobbled a few steps and fell back on the pavement. This was followed by Jimmy and Beezy appearing and were cheering and doing high fives. McGill looked up and saw a lemonade stand and immediately thought of an idea, he could use a drink right about now.
Jimmy and Beezy were discussing on what to do next before hearing a voice.
"You put too much ice in here, this lemonade is too bland. Do you always provide such a poor service here?" The voice said pretending to be outraged. "I want a refund!"
The duo turned their attention to the source, it is McGill at a lemonade stand.
He downs a cup of lemonade. *Blech*
"Too sour, I want another refund." The kid on the lemonade stand refunded him. He purchased another cup and drank it.
"Now too sweet. Refund." The kid did exactly that.
"Jimmy, don't you think you've had enough?" Two Shoes asked disappointed.
McGill looked at them before gesturing for more lemonade which he paid and drank. He pretended to gag and snapped his fingers, the kid knew exactly what he wanted at this point. He gave him the refund.
"Now I do." He said.
"And what exactly do you think you're doing?" Jimmy asked in a disapproving tone. This was followed by Beezy. "Yeah, we demand answers," He began. "You're doing all this and didn't even bother getting me one?"
'Hah, like I want to buy you anything…' He mused. "You two want one?" He asked.
They nodded. "Two cups please." But the kid on the lemonade stand didn't give him the lemonade, so he got Two Shoes to buy using his money.
"Now, you need to apologize to him" Jimmy said as he drank his lemonade. 'Are you for real?' McGill thought. He looked at Jimmy's semi mad look and relented.
"Ok fine." McGill turned towards the kid and gave the most insincere apology ever. But it was enough to satisfy Two Shoes. "That's better."
Then, a noise is heard and the three looked to the left and saw someone addressing the crowd. Behind him are an assortment of jet cars, the lemonade incident was already forgotten. McGill looked at those nifty cars with interest but Jimmy and Beezy were drawn to it like moths to a flame. Seeing this, McGill immediately made his way towards the two as they snuck their way across. He finally caught up to them with all three managing to remain unseen, they started whispering to keep it that way.
"What are you two doing?"
"We're going to ride these cars."
"Whisper whisper whisper." Started Beezy
"Are you insane?"
"Come on McGill, nothing is insane for us, just crazy." said Two Shoes
"These two are essentially the same thing." said McGill
"Whisper whisper whisper"
McGill looked at Beezy, "Can you stop whispering "whisper"?"
"ALRIGHT!" Beezy yelled
He immediately took to shut Beezy up, and Jimmy suggested something to McGill.
"You should come ride with us."
"What? No way are you getting me to ride this."
…
McGill is currently at the backseat in the cockpit of one of the jet cars along with both Jimmy and Beezy. He is cursing himself hard, Jimmy managed to convince him to go along with his crazy stunts not once but twice now. Uncertainty filled him as his mind was torn between wanting to get off and continuing with them. He looked over to the front seat and found them pressing random buttons.
"Hey uh, I don't think we should press anything we don't KNO…" He was cut off when Two Shoes pressed the GO button, giving the crowd a show and surprising the monster doing the speech.
The jet car moved with tremendous speed going so fast that the air pinned them to their seats with their face looking like the skin is being blown off. The air pinned them to the point that they are deprived of their abilities to speak. The Jet car blew through the entirety of Miseryville and then the planet itself. They circumvented the planet about a dozen times before finally crashing at a tree on the edge of the forest.
All three came out with their faces and hair being a mess before shaking themselves back to normal. McGill told Jimmy and Beezy that he is going to the forest to relieve himself and to wait for him. He finished his business when he heard a rustle in one of the bushes and made his way to said bush. He inspected the bush and saw footprints making a trail towards somewhere, he wanted to leave but curiosity got the better of him.
Before he did anything else, Two Shoes called for him. "Jimmy!"
"Yeah?" Jimmy replied.
"We're going to Heloise's house, are you done yet!?"
"No, not yet, go on without me I'll meet you there."
"You sure?" Jimmy asked "We can still wait."
"No, no it's alright I sort of like this forest, I think I'll be taking a walk for a little bit."
He shrugged. "Alright well, see you there."
"See you." Jimmy and Beezy left, McGill is now alone.
He started to follow the footprints which eventually led to a clearing, he surveyed the area and saw a house in the middle of it. The house itself would have looked like any other cabin in the woods had it not been the fact that it is tracked. A literal house that can move, this was the first time he has ever seen such a thing. Granted, the concept of a mobile home wasn't new to him, it was the fact that an entire cabin was set on tracks was what amazed him, he wonders what other kinds of advanced technologies there are in Miseryville.
He saw two monsters coming out of the house and formed his hands in the shape a binocular around his eyes as if it would help. One of them is tall, he is wearing a suit, hat and a pair of striped pants all of them with the red and white pattern. The other in contrast is short and has a gold bucktooth, he wears a tan coat, black pants, a scarf and a black tam hat. Both of them wore tattered clothing and looked like they haven't taken a shower for a week.
Judging them between their attire and how their home looks to be mobile and all, he put the two and two together and deduced that they're likely snake oil salesman. Fellow con artists, this will be interesting, he supposed it was about time to meet someone who's in the same trades as him. They seem to be talking about something, one of them pulled out a lamp just to chuck it away after a few seconds. Jimmy suffices that now is a good time make his approach, he stood up and walked into the clearing.
He walked towards the two monsters and when they noticed his approach, they stood up and looked at him warily. When he was finally face to face with them, the monster with the striped pants spoke.
"Hello there ol' chap, to what do oi owe the pleasure o' meetin'?"
British accent? This is going to be interesting. "The name is Saul Goodman, what about you?" Said Jimmy
"Noice t' meet ya Saul, the name's Rudolpho" He said and then gestured to the individual next to him. "N' dis 'ere is peep, say ye look loike the kind that Jimmy iz"
"Nice to meet the two of you and, yeah, I get that a lot, I'm actually new around here." Jimmy said. "And I've actually met this Jimmy too, he is of the same species as me."
"Iz that so? Well, wut are ya' doin' ere in this ploice if oi don't mind askin'?"
"I'm just taking a stroll in the woods." Jimmy said. "So, what about you guys, what are you all doing here?"
"We're just avin' a noice little chat about our wares n' after that, we're back on the road again." Rudolpho enthusiastically spoke.
"Your wares?"
"Yup, we're sellin' some one of a koind offas, ya want to see them?"
Those words confirmed Jimmy's suspicions, they are con artists just like him, but that last part is something they don't know, yet. Jimmy accepts the offer and followed them to their tracked cabin, when he went inside he found it was loaded with items. He inspected the items and notices that some were broken, and predictably, Rudolpho is using his typical salesmans pitch to persuade him into buying it. This might work on someone who doesn't know better but he's not having any of it. And between his mobile cabin and the items he sells he really does bring a whole new meaning to the term "used car salesman".
After a moment, seeing how Rudolpho isn't getting through to him, Peep decided to assist him in persuading Jimmy into buying their products. This is starting to annoy McGill, he now has to deal with two of these con man dribbling words in his ears. He decides to make his move now before he starts getting a headache.
"Alright, how about that camera and that space blanket over there?"
"Ah, these are very gud choices lad." Said Peep. "That camera iz called the Retentive Universal Camera or as we call it the RUC. It can do all the tings a camera and a recorda can do and ya can listen t' music while yer at it, and when it shuts off sudd'nly, say when the battery dies it 'olds the memory, an' when you recharge it, you can continue where ya left off."
He moved on to the space blanket. "Tis space blan'et iz gud fer keepin ya cozy while protectin ya from electrizity." Peep finished his pitch for the products. "The proice is 100 bucks, mate."
"Well, I don't have much but I do have these candles" Jimmy went to his bag and showed them a set of candles.
"Sure, we 'an take 'ese candles no problem." Said Peep.
"You see, I can only trade you two of these candles because they are a special product which are no longer made." Jimmy said, catching both Rudolpho's and Peep's interest, now it is his turn to play the con.
…
Jimmy walked out of the tracked house dragging his bag that grew to an abnormally large size stuffed with all the items he got from exchanging the last of his candles. How the bag hasn't been broken yet remains a mystery as he continues to struggle with the heavy load. Moments later, Rudolpho and Peep came out waving their goodbyes before conversing with each other again.
He dragged his bag for a good distance before turning around and dragging it back towards them. They looked up in confusion when they saw McGill approaching them again with the heavy bag in tow.
"What seems t' be the matter?" Rudolpho asked.
Jimmy set the bag down and dumped out all of its contents, this brought the con artists further in confusion. When he finished he wore his bag back on and looked at them.
"Alright," Jimmy began. "I'm going to get some things straight here. Those candles that I talked about? They're not valuable at all, they're just some cheap wax candles you can find at any convenience stores down at the gas station. The only time that is worth that much is if you put it on an $80 candle holder." He stopped to look at Rudolpho and Peep who are both shocked.
Jimmy continued. "I think you know now that I am a con man too meaning I can play this game as well, now I'm not surprised that you two don't know. What I am surprised at though is how you two bought my story about these one-time limited edition premium candles made naturally with real honey, hook, line and sinker. And you two are supposed to be con artists? Don't make me laugh."
Rudolpho and Peep were speechless, they thought this Saul Goodman would be another Jimmy Two Shoes, easy prey. Little did they know they were the actual victims, who is this guy and where did he come from? They took mental notes of him, if they are to meet him again in the future then they would need to be more careful when stealing from him. Before they can think any further, 'Saul Goodman' spoke again.
"Now, you guys can still improve and you can do it with me because what I'm about to do goes beyond all of this. See, I'm going big with my plans here and I'm offering you two to go big with me. You know Lucius heinous VII correct?"
They both nodded and Saul continued.
"Well, I have a plan that will make what we're currently doing potatoes compared to it. I mean forget the candles and forget all of these junk on the ground. I am talking about making a fortune here, we could probably gain millions if we pull this off. And hey, in the future, we will be laughing and making jokes about the troubles I gave you here in a dinner conversation."
They looked at him with uncertainty, he's already tricked them once how do they know if he won't do it again?
"How do we know that you won't stab us in the back if we agree t' this?" Rudolpho asked.
Jimmy in response pulled out $100 dollars and split it between both of them. "You can also keep all of these piles of junk and the candles I gave you. Call this a down payment on an investment I'm making." He said.
"So, are you guys on board?" They hesitated for a moment before nodding and Saul continued. "Good, now I'm going to recruit another member that will be essential to this plan. I'll be back so don't leave."
He proceeded to make his leave and Rudolpho and Peep looked at him in a trance. When they could no longer see him, they looked at each other in disbelief, what had just happened?
AN: And that's another chapter done. Unfortunately I will be taking a pause to arrange some things in real life and also to plan out the next 4 chapters. Once again, I welcome any some suggestions and criticisms, anything that will make this story run better. With that, stay tuned.
