In a classroom of the destroyer academy of Azur lane, a screen is lowered into place against a blackboard, and Langley wheels a projector into the room. She turned on the machine and an old sepia themed countdown began, after it got to the number two, it then displayed a title:
'HOW TO: SINK A YAMATO CLASS SHIP'
It then cut to a shot of Langley and Saratoga standing on the dockside facing the camera.
"Greetings class, in this training video, Saratoga and myself will be instructing you on how to defeat one of the most imposing ships of the sea." Langley began.
"A Yamato class battleship! Heehee!" Saratoga agreed. Langley raised an eyebrow at Sara's like response before continuing.
"Yes...to help us with our demonstration, lady Musashi has agreed to lend us her hull as a test target." Langley then glanced off screen as the camera panned over to the super-battleship kansen. Who seemed to flinch at seeing the camera point at her, before blushing.
"Oh...we're recording now? Uh yes...happy to help aha..." She nervously added, it seemed modern equipment intimidated the older woman somewhat. Langley shook her head in annoyance before returning to the camera.
"As you know, a Yamato class ship is once the most heavily armoured ships on the sea, even most of the Siren ships can't get near her level of protection." She stated.
"So..." Saratoga began. "Its not advised to attack from the front, and especially not from the sides, that's how you get nine 460mm shells blowing up in your face!" She instructed, she gestured for the camera operator to follow her onto the water, where she then sailed away from the docks to where Musashi's hull was resting in the open water.
"So where do you attack from? From behind of course! Where the armour is thinnest! Now lets demonstrate wit- huh?" From somewhere of screen she heard a little girl scream.
"Bulin! My kitty kabam hammer will bonk this battleship to the depths!" Before Saratoga could stop her, the super bulin raced to the Musashi's rear and started hitting her hammer into it.
"Thats...thats not what I was..."
"My hammer is the hammer that will bring down the stars bulin!"
"Can you please sto-"
"Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Is it sinking? It must be sin- HEY!"
Musashi had walked over to the bulin and picked her up one handed by the back of her dress. "You're interfering with a training exercise, go play elsewhere child, I hear Akagi has sweets for little girls like you~" She told her excitedly. The bulin gasped dramatically and like a cartoon character, her legs turned into a blur of motion as she zoomed back to the docks.
"Annnnway..." Saratoga started after clearing her throat. "As I was saying: the rear armour is usually the weakest of any ship, lets begin with a demonstration!" Saratoga then whistled and a few kansen joined her from off screen. First to sail up to the hull's rear was Mutsuki, she took aim with her tiny 5 inch cannon and fired. The shot just bounced of the ship's armour, not even scratching it.
"Oh uh...thank you Mutsuki ehehe..." She then turn around and muttered to one of the older girls. "Can one of you get her out of here before she starts crying, its not good for the camera..." Atago nodded and rushed over to escort the little whimpering girl away, while reassuring her she did good. "OK lets try a bigger weapon this time, uh...San Fran! You go next!"
"Aw yeah! Imma blast this away hella easily!" San Francisco then zoomed in position and aimed her guns. "Lets make some noise! Hahahaha!" She fired her cannons at the hull, but even her larger shells just bounced off the hull's rear, making her smile vanish. "Aw cmon! This is hella rigged!" She complained, angrily firing more shells at the hull, which just kept bouncing away harmlessly.
"Nuts...uh...someone go get her please?" Saratoga asked. Musashi glided deflected one of the shells away with her nodachi sword, looking down at San Fran in disapproval. After a short laugh, The heavy cruiser ran away, leaving behind only a puff of smoke where she was standing. "Thanks, cos we should think even bigger! Enterprise, you now!" After being called forward, Enterprise glided into place as Musashi herself got out of her way, as she took aim with her bow Saratoga kept speaking.
"As we all know, carriers effectively ended the reign of the battleship as the most effective warships out here, so it shouldn't be to hard for Enter-"
"Owari da!"
"NO WAI-"
Before anyone could stop her, Enterprise let off an attack so powerful, it blew the rest of the kansen away from the area, even Gridley who was holding the Camera, so the footage went wild for a second before the Camera blacked out, leaving only a multi-coloured screen along with a constant beep for a few seconds.
Eventually the footage returned, with Saratoga and several other kansen in plaster casts and bandages all over them. "OK...that...was too much firepower, Enterprise has been reprimanded for not using training equipment for this exercise, so her example will not count." Saratoga explained, in the background Enterprise and Vestal could be seen with the shorter repair ship scolding Enterprise for a moment, before the carrier walked off sadly.
"Clearly carriers are too good at this, so we need something in between those two extremes of too small and too big...like another battleship!" Saratoga explained, the camera then panned over to Rodney, who was standing behind Musashi's hull and waving to the camera. "Go ahead and shoot Rodney! Lets see some real damage this time!" Saratoga called you her.
"Got it, no mercy for out enemies!" Rodney then aimed her cannons, but when she fired, all that could be heard was a click. "Huh?" Rodney tried again, but each time her guns just clicked uselessly. Saratoga sighed in exasperation, Musashi shook her head in defeat and Langley facepalmed.
"You forgot your shells, didn't you Rodney?" Langley commented, already knowing the answer. Rodney giggled nervously and did a walk of shame back to the docks.
"Uh...you know what, we can use her later, lets try something a little different!" Saratoga then grabbed the camera, shutting it off for a moment, before the scene changed to another area. "OK...this time we're using a different ship class, submarines!" Saratoga announced to the camera, she then gestured behind her to the Musashi hull. "Here is the Yamato we want to sink and..." She then pointed out to sea, the camera panned to follow her finger. "...out there somewhere is U-556, she'll be trying to sink the ship using her torpedoes, the arch nemesis of battleships!" She finished. Sara then pulled out a radio and spoke into it.
"You may fire when ready U-556!" She ordered. After a few minutes, the camera followed a bubble trail caused by a torpedo, however the projectile sailed right past the Musashi hull, instead hitting a Fuso class ship in the docks. They all heard a distant scream of pain from off camera and Saratoga and Langley both cringed.
"Oof...That was Yamashiro our sub just hit...shes ok...I think hehe..." Saratoga commented. Langley took the radio off Sara and gave her own order.
"Aim a little to your left U-556, not too much though." After that remark, they heard the sound of another torpedo being racked through the radio, after a few seconds they saw another torpedo in the water, but their hearts all sank as again the torpedo missed the hull, this time striking San Diego who was on a jet ski, when the torpedo detonated, the red headed light cruiser was sent flying into the air, screaming as she soared above the water. She then plummeted back into the sea, surfacing with a confused and shocked expression on her face as her jet ski fell to pieces all around her.
"Ehehe...I think U-556 is having some sonar trouble...can be the only explanation as to why she keeps missing." Saratoga laughed a little. She took back the radio and called into it again. "That was too far to the left, go back to your right slightly!" Sara called to the submarine. Yet another torpedo was fired, Saratoga, Langley and Musashi all watched with anticipation as this one seemed to be on course for hull. But all groaned in frustration as this once also just missed.
Looking back up from shaking her head, Musashi gasped in horror as she saw where the third torpedo was heading, Unicorn and Illustrious were playing in the sea with the starter destroyers. Her fears were confirmed when a bang, a column of water and a high pitched squeal ran out across the whole port. Unicorn had been hit.
"Oh no..." Musashi without a second thought, rushed over to help, leaving Saratoga and Langley stunned in shock at what happened. Sara turned around and rubbed the bridge of her nose.
"OK...yeah this...wasn't a good idea...turn it off, turn that damn thi-" She was interrupted by a loud yell from across the water.
"SHE DID WHAT?!" They heard a British voice roar. Before anyone could stop her, Illustrious was racing towards Saratoga and Langley, with one of the angriest faces the two of them had ever seen on the normally gentle and soft spoken carrier. Before they could do anything, they heard U-556 surface from behind them.
"Did I hit it that time? Hello?" She called to the carriers, the sub was about to swim over when she saw Illustrious getting closer, then her face went white when she saw her launching planes towards her...anti-sub planes. She screamed and raced away as fast as her rigging would allow, Illustrious's plane's and the carrier herself in hot pursuit.
"She's dead isn't she?" Saratoga asked Langley with a jaded look.
"I'm more worried about Bismarck, if she finds out about this then she and Illustrious will tear apart the base looking for each other." Langley pointed out with a worried tone.
"Yeah lets finish this off later, turn it off Gridley."
The camera went off for a moment, then it cut to another scene of Musashi's hull in a different area. Saratoga and Langley were both watching from further away.
"OK to avoid any further incidents, we've moved Musashi's hull further out to sea, Rodney is back with some shells, and now she'll FINALLY, demonstrate how to take down a Yamato class ship." The camera pans to Rodney aiming her cannons, she gives a wave and a thumbs up to indicate she's ready.
"Lets have no further mishaps please miss Saratoga?" Langley asked her with a tired tone. Saratoga laughed nervously.
"N-no promises..." Sara replied. A cannon blast brought the two of them to attention, they both looked over at Rodney who had fired a shot, but yet again the Musashi hull just bounced the shell. Everyone but Rodney, watched as the tracer shell had gone straight into the sky. The British battleship looked around confused for a moment, before she heard a whistling sound as something fell towards her, and her eyes shrunk as she finally realised what happened.
Rodney looked up just in time to see her own shell falling back towards her. She screamed in shock just before disappearing inside an explosion and a cloud of smoke. She managed to stumble out of the cloud, her eyes rolling around her head and stars whizzing around her head.
"I...can still fight...ugh..." Rodney then fainted, leaving the two teacher carriers to face palm yet again at another failed attempt.
"This is hopeless." Langley sighed. Saratoga then slammed her fist into her other hand as she thought of something.
"No! Time for 'Operation Heavyweight'!" Sara announced, before pulling out a radio and barking orders into it. "Formidable! You're up!...don't ask why, just get on the plane and get out here!"
They waited a few moments before a cargo plane flew overhead. It soared above Musashi's hull for a moment before Saratoga and Langley saw a person jump out the back. She screamed the whole way down before elbow slamming into the deck of the battleship. The whole ship listed slightly for a moment, but just gently rocked from side to side before settling. Langley folded her arms and glared at Saratoga, who just scratched her head and laughed nervously.
"Why...just why did you think, THAT...would be a good idea?" The light carrier asked. Sara was about to reply before she saw Formidable rushing towards her.
"Is this another of your pranks about my weight you little shit?!" She bellowed, a look of sheer murder on her face. Saratoga went white as a sheet before running away in terror, leaving Langley and Musashi to shake their heads in collective disappointment.
"Well...we'll revisit this once Formidable gets tired of teaching Sara a lesson...it could be a while...we'll see you soon class." Langley then made a hand motion across her neck to signal Gridley to turn it off. The camera went black once again. It then came back with an image of Saratoga standing on the bow of her own hull, covered in more plaster casts and bandages, yet still able to stand somehow.
"Sara...you sure you're up for this, you can't keep pushing yourself on this or you'll have Vestal breathing down your neck... again." Langley called up to her.
"I strongly suggest you have someone else try this...interesting idea of yours." Musashi agreed. Saratoga frowned at the two of them and thrust her flagstaff forward.
"No! An idol NEVER gives up! I'm about to demonstrate exactly what you should do to sink a Yamato class ship!" Saratoga then revved up the engines on her hull and started moving towards the Musashi hull. "In front of the Musashi is a whirlpool! If you can't handle an enemy ship, simply push it towards something dangerous, and let Mother nature do the work for you!" She shouted over the noise for the camera to hear her.
With a mighty crash, her hull collided with the Musashi's stern, the three of them stumbled a little as the collision happened, Saratoga started straining as she tried to push the mighty battleship towards the maelstrom ahead, but it wasn't moving. Langley and Musashi just looked at each other with a shrug each.
"You can't feel any of this can you?" Langley asked the kitsune. Musashi just shook her head.
"Nope."
"Shes gonna need to visit Vestal again, you do know that right?"
"Yes, I knew that going into this foolish plan." Musashi chuckled and Langley couldn't help but smirk with her.
"You knew this one wasn't going to work either didn't you?" The light carrier asked her.
"Of course I did, but do you think Miss Saratoga would have listened?" Musashi asked her.
"No I suppose not, sometimes the best teacher is karma." Langley finished.
Saratoga finally stumbled and the engine sound from her hull died down. When Musashi went over to check on her, it seemed the American carrier had passed out from exhaustion. So Musashi picked her up bridal style, and took to her hull's medbay. Leaving Langley and Gridley alone.
"Well class, it seems this attempt didn't work either, lets get back to shore." The camera cut out yet again, returning with Langley and Musashi standing by the dock side, Musashi's hull in the background.
"As you've just seen class, we tried shooting her, using torpedoes, ramming into her, we even tried dropping Formidable on her. But it seems Musashi is impregnable to any sources of damage." Langley explained.
"I tried to explain to Miss Saratoga that her plan wouldn't work, but you all know how stubborn she can be, I never had a doubt that my armour would prevail...but I must admit I was surprised at the events that unfolded in Sara's attempts." Musashi added. "She's still with Vestal before anyone asks."
"It seems there is only one lesson to take from this class, if you see an angry Yamato coming at you, just run...run for your lif-"
Before Langley could finish, Musashi yelped and doubled over in pain. Before Langley could do anything to help, the Musashi hull exploded in several places, before listing heavily towards the docks. Musashi herself sat down holding her stomach, she and Langley watching the scene unfold in absolute shock.
"Wha- HOW?" The light carrier demanded in disbelief.
"Something hit it from the other side...ow...hit it hard too." Musashi groaned. It was then a small destroyer girl jumped up onto the docks with them, giggling as she waved at the pair.
"Glowworm? What are you doing here? What happened?" Langley asked. The destroyer just pointed at the severely listing Musashi hull.
"I head-butted it!" She stated proudly. Langley and Musashi both went wide-eyed with disbelief. Langley then screamed into the air.
"ARE YOU FU-"
The camera cut out and the screen read: THE END.
