Chapter 4

Fall

This scene feels like what I one saw on a screen
I searched aurora borealis green

I've never seen someone lit from within

Burning out my periphery

~ Taylor Swift feat. Lana Del Rey, Snow On The Beach

EPOV

Snow ran through the forest, already knowing exactly when and where she needed to jump over fallen tree stumps and broken branches. The leaves rustled with her frantic pace as she sniffed out the tennis ball I had thrown for her.

It was our new Thursday afternoon ritual. I took her on a short walk out back and let her run to her heart's content through the woods so Bella could have some peace and quiet and the house to herself while she had her session with her new therapist.

The day after I got back from my conference Bella asked if I knew of any therapists she could go to. She had been so fucking reluctant to bring it up I had to swallow back my own guilt.

Forks had one single therapist. She was fine. Good enough for general therapy for the small town, but not someone I would have recommended or trust enough to send Bella to.

Going to medical school did have its benefits and that was a good string of connections. I talked to Peter and a few other acquaintances from med school to ask for some recommendations. It wasn't an odd request, and not one any of them would link back to Bella. I sent out referrals to the city whenever someone in town might want a second opinion or have a problem unfortunately more serious than our small town was qualified for.

I got her a list a few days later, after everyone had gotten back with me, but I didn't push. I knew it was a delicate subject and I knew it was a step she had to take because she wanted to, not because I asked her to.

She made an appointment the next day. And had been seeing her once a week for two months now.

"I want everything. But I–you… you deserve so much better than me. And I've just been waiting–waiting for you to realize it. I didn't–it wasn't on purpose. I just–I know I'm not good enough for you. I know. And the thought of planning our wedding only for it to never happen or getting married and then having you want a divorce…"

I flinched at the memory. The words that stung just as badly two months ago as they did today.

I had done a psych rotation in college. Knew how easy it was for anxiety to spiral and for old habits to return. None of that made me feel any less like a failure for not noticing the signs earlier.

I knew she had been more stressed than usual. And I thought it was all about planning the wedding. She might have tried to hide how stressed she was about it, but she couldn't control the way she consistently mumbled off lists of things to do in her sleep.

Things like talk to Mr. Weber, which was something I was more than happy to cross off of her list.

I should have done more. After she got back from LA and told me she was struggling I should have done more than think getting her a dog would be enough to help ease those anxieties and fears before she turned back to those coping mechanisms.

"You could yell at me if you want."

My focus snapped away from the heavy forest down to the pretty little brunette now standing a few feet away in front of me. My head cocked to the side. "What?"

"I know you're angry with me. I'm angry with myself. So if you think it'll help you, you can yell at me. I can take it. Maybe. I might cry but–"

"I don't want to yell at you," I told her softly.

Bella shook her head. "You should. I promised you I'd take care of myself and I didn't. Yelling might make you feel better."

"It won't."

The crease between her brows twitched. "But you are mad."

I took a deep breath, letting it out as Snow approached and nudged the muddy tennis ball back in my hand. I tossed it for her before turning back toward Bella. "I'm mad at myself, not at you."

She pressed her lips together. "You should be mad at me, not yourself."

It was a conversation we probably should have had months ago, but I didn't want to push. Didn't want my own shit to get in the way of her focusing on herself. It had been festering, and we were both quick to match what we knew the other would say.

"I should have seen the signs."

"I shouldn't have let it get to the point it did. That's not on you."

"What fucking good did seven years in medical school do for me if I couldn't realize you were struggling?"

"I like that you're my fiancé first, not my doctor first."

I shook my head. "Either way, I should have known."

"I didn't even know, Edward. It just… sneaks up on me sometimes. I realized it the night you got home. There is absolutely nothing you could have done differently."

I sighed, running the fingers of my hand not coated in mud through my hair. I wasn't sure what exactly had been the topic of discussion at her appointment today, but it was easy to guess the direction it had gone.

"Do you remember the night I proposed?"

Bella smiled up at me. "Vividly.

I repressed my own smirk. "I was nervous as hell. Had chickened out a good four times in the last few months at proposing. I was terrified you were going to say no."

Her eyes widened, almost comically large. "You really thought I'd say no?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Because I think you deserve better than me. More than I can give you in a small town. I think you sacrificed more than I ever had to for us and will eventually regret it. I think the thought of marrying you and then one day having that torn away from me would be more than I can fucking survive."

I huffed out a breath as she threw her arms around my neck. I wrapped my clean hand around her waist, pressing my lips to her temple.

It wasn't a solution to any of her worries, but I hoped she understood now. That I was just as terrified of ever losing her as she was of me. That I would never let her go without a fight.

~snow on the beach~

Fall settled into Forks in full force just in time for our annual Apple Fest. One of the newer traditions that had been implemented because of a few too many bored citizens who decided Halloween and Thanksgiving weren't enough celebrations for the fall season.

Bella had nearly been beside herself last year at her first Apple Fest. It had started while she was in LA, and while I knew her mother kept her up to date on the town, she hadn't attended until last year.

She was a small town girl at heart, I realized, as I watched her lace up her boots and straighten the cheesy Apple Fest t-shirt she happily bought from the diner a week ago. Her genuine excitement at simply walking down Main Street with a cup of fresh apple cider nearly had me excited about the event.

"You know you don't have to go. My parents and yours are–"

"I want to go."

I saw the mirth on her face, the glimmer in her eyes, and knew some form of an apple and doctor joke was coming.

"It's crazy that you're the inspiration behind that saying."

I nodded, fighting back my own smile. I walked over and grabbed Snow's leash from her hand, letting my other squeeze her waist as I walked by. "You're a real smartass, you know that?"

Bella chuckled to herself as we walked out the door. "I'm just saying. I always thought it was an apple a day to keep the doctor away for health purposes. Not that the doctor hated apples."

I laughed in spite of myself, grabbing her hand as we started the short walk down to Main Street. Snow trotted alongside us, none of us bothered by the slight misty rain that accompanied our walk.

After our talk in the woods weeks ago, a newfound sense of relief seemed to have settled around us. Not that our relationship had ever been in jeopardy, more that all of the other shit didn't matter anymore.

Yeah, I would always think the girl on my arm deserved better than me and there was nothing either of us could do about the coping mechanisms she had picked up as a teenager. But we could talk it through, be honest about how we felt, and know that neither one of us was going anywhere, no matter what.

So that's what we did.

"How many doctor related apple jokes have you heard in the last week?" she asked, smirking up at me as we rounded the corner to see Main Street littered with tents full of apple-related goods to buy and sample.

"Oh, they started a good month ago," I told her.

Bella chuckled to herself. Opening her mouth no doubt for another jab at my dislike of apples only to be interrupted by both sets of our parents.

Mom handed Bella a warm cup of apple cider with a smile and an exaggerated wink that very obviously meant she spiked the cider.

Charlie grumbled under his breath because despite the fact that his daughter turned twenty-eight weeks ago she was still far too young to be enjoying a spiked apple cider.

I kept her close, her fingers constantly intertwined with mine as we walked down Main Street with our parents. Bella happily sampled a plethora of apple-themed foods and treats with them while I politely declined every offer. Snow was more than happy to take any dog-safe leftovers.

Apples might not have been my favorite, but it didn't make the afternoon any less enjoyable. Listening to my father tell Bella he was impatiently waiting for Christmas so she would bake him gingerbread cookies and talking to Charlie about his new favorite fishing spot he was taking Dad to next weekend wasn't everybody's idea of a fun afternoon. Most might have found it boring.

But walking down Main Street with my fiancé and our families, talking about the little things, it was a pretty damn good way to spend an afternoon to me.

Life was hard. Even in a small town like Forks, things were complicated. But, being in a small town like Forks also made it a lot easier to get through those hard times. Because everybody here cared, showed kindness to their neighbor whether they had known them since childhood or they had just moved to town.

Jasper was still getting used to the constant kindness thrown at him on a daily basis.

I came to a stop beside Bella as her eyes scanned the small carnival game station in front of us. It wasn't anything fancy, a simple game of throwing the plastic apple to hit a target.

I pulled out my wallet, handing the teenage girl a dollar before turning back toward Bella. "Which one do you want?"

She smiled sheepishly up at me. "That cute stuffed apple."

I pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, grabbing the plastic apple and testing the weight in my palm before throwing it at the target. I hit it in one try and we were on our way as the new owners of a tiny stuffed apple.

"I can't believe I missed out on so many Apple Fests," Bella sighed, hugging the tiny plush toy to her chest.

"I think it only started a couple years before you moved back. I've only been to one more than you, if that makes you feel better."

She turned to me with a smile. "It does."

The rest of the evening went by peacefully. We had dinner at the diner with our parents. Snow peacefully passed out beneath the table after her exciting afternoon prancing through the streets and convincing everyone she saw to give her a pet or a snack.

"Bella, sweetheart!" Waylon's wife, Cora, bustled over with Waylon as we left the diner to make the short walk back home. "I'm glad we saw you. I wanted to give you this personally. Didn't want it getting lost in the mail."

Bella smiled, taking the envelope and opening it. I peered over her shoulder to see their RSVP to our reception.

"Thank you," she told her.

Cora beamed between the two of us. "Oh, we can't wait. It's going to be just… wonderful."

Cora was called away quickly, but Bella put the RSVP safely in her bag.

"Our wedding is in less than six weeks," Bella said casually, her fingers intertwining themselves back between mine.

I lifted our hands, pressing a kiss to the back of her palm. "Any last minute planning you need help with?"

"Nope. It's done."

My brows shot up. "Done?"

Bella nodded. "Alice and I finished when she was here in the summer." She swung our arms between us as the house came into view. "We've already discussed how neither of us are willing to accept the marriage failing, so you're as good as stuck with me forever now."

Forever.

I scooped her up into my arms as soon as we were in the house and she had Snow unleashed.

"Forever," I breathed out against her neck.

Her arms tightened around my shoulders, legs instinctively wrapped around my waist.

Finding Bella… sitting with her at that bar two years ago and having her kiss me on the porch of the clinic… it had been the moment I hadn't realized I had been waiting my entire life for. The perfect culmination of our lives up until that point, up until we were both in the place to make it work.

And now she was mine. Forever.

I pulled away, just enough to get a good look at her. At those brown eyes that could convince me to do just about anything, that blush that I knew was as much from the chill in the air as her own natural response to my outburst, and that smile that I couldn't believe I had seen so many times in my life and never realized how important it was until two winters ago.

I sat on the couch, keeping her close and running my palms along her denim covered thighs as they fell on either side of my hips. I didn't bother to hide the fact that my eyes slid along her body, admiring every curve and cursing the cold fall evening for the lack of exposed skin until I got to her face. To a smirk that I caught half a second before she tossed her coat and shirt aside in quick succession.

My hands slid into the back pockets of her jeans, grinding her into my lap as I leaned forward and pressed my lips into her shoulder, neck, collarbone, down down down until my tongue brushed over a soft pink nipple.

Bella huffed out a gasp, fingers knotted in my hair as her hips kept a constant rhythm against my cock.

I took my time. More than content to sit here with her taste on my tongue for hours, more than willing to enjoy her grinding herself against my lap and squirming with every tug of my teeth on her skin.

Bella, however, was nothing if not impatient.

She tugged at my hair, pulling me away and quickly reaching for the hem of my sweater. Her palms rested against my bare chest, warm and distracted enough for me to slide my own hand into her half unbuttoned jeans.

I wasn't sure which of us was to thank for that, but I appreciated the head start.

Her moan as my fingers brushed against her clit had my cock straining against my jeans.

Bella stood quickly, shimmying herself out of her pants while I did the same. She was back in my lap in record time, sliding herself down on my cock with another moan that had my mind forget everything and anything unless it was about her. And the ways I could get her to make it again.

I grunted out a curse as her tongue slid along my neck.

My palms slid up her thighs, fingers digging into her ass as she moved.

"Forever," I breathed out against her collarbone. "Fuck, you're mine forever."

Her fingers gripped my chin, pulling me in for an indecently messy kiss. The kind I'd happily take every day for the rest of my life.

A/N: I'm so glad you're all enjoying this. Thank you for all of the kind words on it. See you next week for the last chapter!