The Hands of Time
Part II
Rated: MA
Pairing: J/C
Summary: The hands of time stop for no one.
Disclaimer: The characters always belong the Paramount, and some of the script, but the story is mine...thank god for small favours.
Date: November 2000
Length: 1101 words
Good morning, don't cop out
You crawled from the cancer to land on your feet
Are you crazy to want this even for a while?
We're making this shit up
The reasons for being are easy to pay
You can remember the others
They just kind of went away
So you're driving, it's rush hour
The cars on the freeway are moving like slugs
When you drift off to wake up
Do you always hit the brakes
We're done lying for living
The strange days have come and you're gone
Either dead or dying, dead or trying
To go
It's evening, you're tired
You sleep walk a robot out to the street
Are you crazy to want this even for a while
You're driving, its rush hour
The cars on the freeway are moving backwards
Into a wall of fire
We're done lying for living
The strange days have come
And you're gone
Either dead or dying
Either dead or trying to go
Good morning don't cop out...
They had stayed completely isolated from all that was their family on Voyager for two days now. Staring at the void, making decisions that would change both or their lives forever. It was yes, then no, then maybe and finally...do we really have a choice?
Kathryn knew deep inside herself that there was no choice. But she also knew that this decision would either make her stronger or kill her. She loved the child she wanted, she loved the child she would have, she loved the idea of motherhood...she wanted it all, and she could have nothing.
After the two days of isolation the decision had been made. To be totally honest with herself and everyone else the decision had been made for her, she really didn't have a say in this. It had been made seven years ago. She had said she would do anything, and she meant anything to get this crew home. Now this was it, this was her anything, and her promise and the truth she had to upkeep.
Kathryn was going to be the mother, the mother of peace and the mother to a race, she had met but a week ago. How could she bear a child to the man she loved only to give it away. How could she do this knowing what the fate of this child would be. Her child...his child...their child.
Two days ago:
"Commander, my ready room."
Kathryn had just been returned from the planet. She had been bruised and battered, and Chakotay worried about her. She flinched a little the first time she moved with her injured body.
Chakotay noticed the forced movements and moved close to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. She did not back away but did flinch slightly at his touch. It was not a movement against him, simply a movement of pain and discomfort.
"Chakotay, I can't do it. I can't do what they asked, yet how can I not?"
Chakotay knew what she was talking about, and he knew what had happened. They had all watched as the ultimatum was given to Kathryn by a leader of a culture hell-bent on keeping their species alive. He didn't really begrudge them what they were doing. Had the human race been raped of such a precious resource as this species had, he suspected they would do the same thing.
Solve the problem by any means necessary.
This was not however what was bothering Kathryn and he knew it.
"Chakotay, I can't bear a child only to give it away. I can't birth a baby to help another race. I can't interfere in their evolutionary process as he's asking." She hesitated and looked him straight in the eyes. "Yet how can I not when it means a way for the crew to get home?"
He pulled her to him. She shed silent tears soaking his uniform and making him more than just aware of how very human Kathryn was. She was not invincible, she was not perfect and she was not beyond the human feelings that most people thought she was. If you cut her, she bled. If you hurt her, she wept. If you loved her, she felt.
Yes Kathryn was more human than she or anyone else cared to admit.
Finally after what felt like hours of comfort and pain, she pulled away.
"Chakotay..."
"I know Kathryn. We'll make it through this. We have to, you have to."
She felt the tears continue. "I'm glad it's you."
Chakotay thought his heart was either going to explode with the joy of it all, or break at the decision Kathryn had to make. He looked at her.
She was finally beginning to accept what was to a certain extent the inevitable. Whether that was good or bad, he hadn't yet decided, so he made the concession that it just was.
He took her hand and led her over to the couch. "Kathryn...what are we going to do?"
She looked deep into him. "Well Chakotay, it looks like we're going to have a baby." She felt the tears beginning to form again in her eyes. *What the hell was she going to do?*
Chakotay looked to her. This poor woman, she gave so much for this ship of travelers and most of the time got nothing in return. He tilted her head up. "Listen to me Kathryn. You're not alone, I'm here for you all the way."
She took his hand in hers. "I know Chakotay. I know." She began to rub little circles on his hand with her thumb. Comforting little circles. Whether they were to sooth him or her, she wasn’t sure. She just knew it was right. She bent down and kissed his cheek. "Well, I guess the only thing to say then is congratulations, and Chakotay know this, no matter what, you will always be my best friend: No matter what."
He pulled her into a hug that was more friendship than the sexual tension they had felt in days gone by. He loved her, and they had to do this, but for now they were just trying to get through the night. Tomorrow would bring new challenges and difficult steps but for tonight, life was as simple as a man and a woman, best friends forever.
END PART II
TBC in PART III
The song is Strange Days by Matthew Good Band
