The Hands of Time
Part III
Pairing: J/C
Summary: The hands of time stop for no one.
Disclaimer: The characters always belong the Paramount, and some of the script, but the story is mine...thank god for small favours.
Date: November 2000
Length: 1537 words
It was morning and Kathryn awoke more at ease than she had been in a long time. She looked over to Chakotay whose face was peaceful, his hands rubbing circles over her flat and taunt stomach. *He really wants this baby.*
She shifted in his arms waking him from his dream state. "Kathryn, I was having the most wonderful dream."
She smiled a smile she reserved only for him. "Did it by any chance include me and a baby?"
He looked down and pulled his arms away from the spot on her abdomen he had been unconsciously rubbing. "Kathryn I..."
She quieted him with a kiss. Their first real kiss. It was quick and chaste. Not at all as she had thought their first real kiss would be. He looked to her.
"Kathryn?"
She just giggled. "Chakotay, we've decided, or they've decided...someone out there, or up there...or whatever, has decided for us. We may as well make the best of the circumstances."
Chakotay all of sudden got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. *She's giving up.* He pulled away from her. "Kathryn. You have to want to do this. I don't want this child to end up hating us for the rest of his life because..."
She stopped his tirade. "Chakotay, this child will not even know us. It is going to grow up on an alien world, far from anything we will ever know or anything that we ever have known. Why does it matter? The way I figure it, we may as well just do it and get it over with."
She climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in her robe. "I'm going to see the doctor. I need him to up my fertility levels. We may as well just get it done. I can't stand the thought of giving up your child Chakotay, but as we have no choice, I'd like to get it done and over with as quickly as possible." She turned around. "Prepare the crew for an announcement from their captain at 0900."
With that lasting impression she went to the bathroom. He heard the sonic shower begin. *Kathryn...you can't be the captain with this.* He got dressed and exited her quarters. At 0845 he showed up on the bridge. He had checked with the computer and she had been there from almost the moment he had exited her quarters. *Why do you do this to us, Kathryn?*
They waited on the bridge. He had made the announcement to the crew that they were to expect her announcement now. The console to her right beeped and he watched in slow motion as she began her announcement. From that day on, life would never be the same.
Kathryn had been on the bridge for far too long. She had been waiting for him, who was she kidding. She got out of her seat. Everyone in her senior staff stood at attention around her, a show of support and solidarity. They knew...they knew what was going to happen.
"Attention, this is the Captain speaking." She hesitated. That didn't sound right. "That sounds a little too impersonal for even me. This is Kathryn Janeway; it’s been a long haul. We've won some, and lost some. The time has come to stop running if only for a while. This planet, and its inhabitants have given us permission for a sort of hiatus." She almost laughed at that and thought of Tom's 20th century television shows. "We will settle for a year or so. It's about time we all had a break. I encourage you all, and I mean all of you to follow those instincts I know so many of you have been passing by and subduing for a long time." She got ready to close the channel. "It's time to live, if only for a little while. Janeway out." She closed the channel. No one knew save her senior officers what was really going on. She turned to Tom. "Come on lieutenant, let’s land this ship and get this year over with." She turned and dismissed all but her senior staff from the bridge of her ship. "I hope it all goes well for you down there. Tom, B'Elanna, Chakotay...you're with me."
Tom landed the ship with barely a hitch. Once all the crew of the Voyager had vacated their posts, the four senior officers beamed off the ship and proceeded to the designated coordinates.
Once they arrived at the place they had been asked to meet at, they looked around to see a cozy setting. Kathryn looked around. The drugs the doctor had given her had definitely worked...she felt...horny. Kathryn actually felt horny.
But it wasn't right; it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to feel love for this man, not sexual desire. She almost began to cry: almost.
Chakotay approached her. "Chakotay, what have we done?"
He pulled her to him. "Shhh, its okay Kathryn. Lets just try and get through this, then we can forget about it, then we can move on with our lives."
She looked up at him, not anger in her eyes, but something closer to disappointment and ashamedness. "That's just it Chakotay, I hope I can, but I'm not sure I will be able to."
He pulled her closer. "I know Kathryn, I know. But you will, you always can, and remember above all else. You're not alone."
She pulled away from him. She backed away. She looked at the setting around her. She saw the trees succumbing to something close to what would have been autumn on her home world. She heard the birds chirping, the bugs making the quiet cricket noises. She saw the clear blue lake. She felt a sense of euphoria; bur this wasn't real.
She felt an impulse and pulled her uniform jacket off. She felt herself stripping then she jumped into the lake. A splash of cold water, and a dose of reality.
*What have I done?*
Three weeks later, Kathryn sat at the edge of the river where reality had hit not a month ago. She looked down at her still flat abdomen. She had yet to tell anyone, but her tricorder said she was pregnant. It said she carried a two-week-old male infant. "Oh god it's a boy."
She felt herself begin to weep. She felt the tired tears fall and soak the front of her dress. She looked up to the sky almost expecting the sky to fall, or someone to answer her prayers. She felt Chakotay come up behind her. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"
It came back to the inevitable question. The one she had been asking herself for a month. "What have we done Chakotay?"
He tipped her head up to look at him. "What do you mean?"
She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve a very undignified, yet soothingly appropriate action. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh Kathryn." He wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. He wasn't sure whether the hormones were doing this to her. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"Kathryn, love, this is what we came here for."
Her sobs subsided. "I know Chakotay, but this baby...'he' won't do these people much good."
Chakotay wasn't sure what was the problem. Then it dawned on him. "He...Kathryn, you...we're going to have a son?"
Kathryn nodded her head, but couldn't get any words to come out of her mouth. Finally she spoke. "Chakotay, if I can't bear them a little girl...what if they keep us here until I do. What if I never do? What...the crew...Chakotay..." She paused, "I couldn't fathom myself giving up one baby, now I'll have to do it again, and again, and possibly again until I succeed."
Chakotay could offer no comfort to this poor woman, nothing that could amount to the pain she would suffer. He could never know. When this child was born, he would be a father...even if only for a brief moment.
Kathryn was already a mother.
Chakotay looked at her. Then she opened her mouth. "I'm so tired. I'm always so tired. I feel like I want to die. I'm feeling the symptoms, my brain knows what's going on, my body feels it...I know, but I can't."
Chakotay looked at this strong, and phenomenal woman in front of him. She wasn’t making any sense. Kathryn had finally reached the edge, he was just afraid she would take that final step and jump. He grabbed her arms, "Kathryn, stop."
She finally gave up her semi-conscious tirade. "Chakotay...I'm not strong enough to do this, I can't."
Chakotay just held her. "Shhh, yes you can, and you will Kathryn. You always do."
He held her like that for a long time. Just soothing her, and trying to make her more comfortable with her newfound predicament. "Chakotay, for you I will try."
He let a smile come to him. "That's all I ever asked."
END PART III
TBC in PART IV
The Hands of Time
Part III
Pairing: J/C
Summary: The hands of time stop for no one.
Disclaimer: The characters always belong the Paramount, and some of the script, but the story is mine...thank god for small favours.
Date: November 2000
Length: 1537 words
It was morning and Kathryn awoke more at ease than she had been in a long time. She looked over to Chakotay whose face was peaceful, his hands rubbing circles over her flat and taunt stomach. *He really wants this baby.*
She shifted in his arms waking him from his dream state. "Kathryn, I was having the most wonderful dream."
She smiled a smile she reserved only for him. "Did it by any chance include me and a baby?"
He looked down and pulled his arms away from the spot on her abdomen he had been unconsciously rubbing. "Kathryn I..."
She quieted him with a kiss. Their first real kiss. It was quick and chaste. Not at all as she had thought their first real kiss would be. He looked to her.
"Kathryn?"
She just giggled. "Chakotay, we've decided, or they've decided...someone out there, or up there...or whatever, has decided for us. We may as well make the best of the circumstances."
Chakotay all of sudden got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. *She's giving up.* He pulled away from her. "Kathryn. You have to want to do this. I don't want this child to end up hating us for the rest of his life because..."
She stopped his tirade. "Chakotay, this child will not even know us. It is going to grow up on an alien world, far from anything we will ever know or anything that we ever have known. Why does it matter? The way I figure it, we may as well just do it and get it over with."
She climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in her robe. "I'm going to see the doctor. I need him to up my fertility levels. We may as well just get it done. I can't stand the thought of giving up your child Chakotay, but as we have no choice, I'd like to get it done and over with as quickly as possible." She turned around. "Prepare the crew for an announcement from their captain at 0900."
With that lasting impression she went to the bathroom. He heard the sonic shower begin. *Kathryn...you can't be the captain with this.* He got dressed and exited her quarters. At 0845 he showed up on the bridge. He had checked with the computer and she had been there from almost the moment he had exited her quarters. *Why do you do this to us, Kathryn?*
They waited on the bridge. He had made the announcement to the crew that they were to expect her announcement now. The console to her right beeped and he watched in slow motion as she began her announcement. From that day on, life would never be the same.
Kathryn had been on the bridge for far too long. She had been waiting for him, who was she kidding. She got out of her seat. Everyone in her senior staff stood at attention around her, a show of support and solidarity. They knew...they knew what was going to happen.
"Attention, this is the Captain speaking." She hesitated. That didn't sound right. "That sounds a little too impersonal for even me. This is Kathryn Janeway; it’s been a long haul. We've won some, and lost some. The time has come to stop running if only for a while. This planet, and its inhabitants have given us permission for a sort of hiatus." She almost laughed at that and thought of Tom's 20th century television shows. "We will settle for a year or so. It's about time we all had a break. I encourage you all, and I mean all of you to follow those instincts I know so many of you have been passing by and subduing for a long time." She got ready to close the channel. "It's time to live, if only for a little while. Janeway out." She closed the channel. No one knew save her senior officers what was really going on. She turned to Tom. "Come on lieutenant, let’s land this ship and get this year over with." She turned and dismissed all but her senior staff from the bridge of her ship. "I hope it all goes well for you down there. Tom, B'Elanna, Chakotay...you're with me."
Tom landed the ship with barely a hitch. Once all the crew of the Voyager had vacated their posts, the four senior officers beamed off the ship and proceeded to the designated coordinates.
Once they arrived at the place they had been asked to meet at, they looked around to see a cozy setting. Kathryn looked around. The drugs the doctor had given her had definitely worked...she felt...horny. Kathryn actually felt horny.
But it wasn't right; it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to feel love for this man, not sexual desire. She almost began to cry: almost.
Chakotay approached her. "Chakotay, what have we done?"
He pulled her to him. "Shhh, its okay Kathryn. Lets just try and get through this, then we can forget about it, then we can move on with our lives."
She looked up at him, not anger in her eyes, but something closer to disappointment and ashamedness. "That's just it Chakotay, I hope I can, but I'm not sure I will be able to."
He pulled her closer. "I know Kathryn, I know. But you will, you always can, and remember above all else. You're not alone."
She pulled away from him. She backed away. She looked at the setting around her. She saw the trees succumbing to something close to what would have been autumn on her home world. She heard the birds chirping, the bugs making the quiet cricket noises. She saw the clear blue lake. She felt a sense of euphoria; bur this wasn't real.
She felt an impulse and pulled her uniform jacket off. She felt herself stripping then she jumped into the lake. A splash of cold water, and a dose of reality.
*What have I done?*
Three weeks later, Kathryn sat at the edge of the river where reality had hit not a month ago. She looked down at her still flat abdomen. She had yet to tell anyone, but her tricorder said she was pregnant. It said she carried a two-week-old male infant. "Oh god it's a boy."
She felt herself begin to weep. She felt the tired tears fall and soak the front of her dress. She looked up to the sky almost expecting the sky to fall, or someone to answer her prayers. She felt Chakotay come up behind her. "Kathryn, what's wrong?"
It came back to the inevitable question. The one she had been asking herself for a month. "What have we done Chakotay?"
He tipped her head up to look at him. "What do you mean?"
She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve a very undignified, yet soothingly appropriate action. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh Kathryn." He wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. He wasn't sure whether the hormones were doing this to her. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"Kathryn, love, this is what we came here for."
Her sobs subsided. "I know Chakotay, but this baby...'he' won't do these people much good."
Chakotay wasn't sure what was the problem. Then it dawned on him. "He...Kathryn, you...we're going to have a son?"
Kathryn nodded her head, but couldn't get any words to come out of her mouth. Finally she spoke. "Chakotay, if I can't bear them a little girl...what if they keep us here until I do. What if I never do? What...the crew...Chakotay..." She paused, "I couldn't fathom myself giving up one baby, now I'll have to do it again, and again, and possibly again until I succeed."
Chakotay could offer no comfort to this poor woman, nothing that could amount to the pain she would suffer. He could never know. When this child was born, he would be a father...even if only for a brief moment.
Kathryn was already a mother.
Chakotay looked at her. Then she opened her mouth. "I'm so tired. I'm always so tired. I feel like I want to die. I'm feeling the symptoms, my brain knows what's going on, my body feels it...I know, but I can't."
Chakotay looked at this strong, and phenomenal woman in front of him. She wasn’t making any sense. Kathryn had finally reached the edge, he was just afraid she would take that final step and jump. He grabbed her arms, "Kathryn, stop."
She finally gave up her semi-conscious tirade. "Chakotay...I'm not strong enough to do this, I can't."
Chakotay just held her. "Shhh, yes you can, and you will Kathryn. You always do."
He held her like that for a long time. Just soothing her, and trying to make her more comfortable with her newfound predicament. "Chakotay, for you I will try."
He let a smile come to him. "That's all I ever asked."
END PART III
TBC in PART IV
