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Chapter 5 - Feelings, meeting and confrontation.
Katara POV.
As soon as I found out that Sokka was going to write to Aang, all my thoughts sped up several times, as I knew that it was only a matter of time before the Avatar arrived in the Southern Water Tribe. My senses were a mess. On the one hand, I was glad that he was coming to the Tribe, because I would get a chance to fix what I had done three years ago. On the other hand, I was afraid that he'd moved on, that he and Azula were really close… That he doesn't love me anymore...
Memory
- ... Aang! Understand that I can't wait for you forever! I want to have kids, get married!... – we've argued many times before, but we've never gotten to this point where we're yelling at each other.
- And why am I only learning about this now?! Why didn't you tell me this before?! - he growled.
- Actually, we've discussed this before! - I reminded her.
- I could have forgotten about it, Katara! I can't keep track of you and the world at the same time! - he said but stopped when he realized.
- So that means I'm distracting you?! - I shouted, the ice next to us melting with my anger. - Well, I'm sorry I just wanted to be around and talk to my boyfriend!
- Katara, I-I...
- You'd better shut up! It's like you've forgotten about me! You don't pay much attention to me, so... - I broke off, knowing I was entering new territory.
- That's why you found someone on the side, right?! - he exploded. – I'm somehow coping with the fact that we don't see each other that often!
- How dare you be mad at me! I'm not the one who's been missing for months! How do I know you haven't already left me? Everyone is getting married and having kids! And I'm still without my wedding necklace! How do I know I'm not just a fling for you?!
I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes at what I thought. It seemed to strike a chord with him.
- You don't think I'm cheating on you, do you?... - he asked in a whisper. – You don't think I'm not serious with you, do you?...
- I do not know what to think, Aang! I understand that you have the duties of an Avatar, but you keep visiting Azula, thus taking up our time together! How do I know you haven't become close? How should I know... - I felt a wetness in my eyes. – As soon as you started 'healing' her, we drifted apart. Or rather, you. We all told you that we didn't want you to waste your time on her, but you chose her, the murderer, over us!
- She's practically healthy, Katara! I can't leave her just because I'm stealing our time, and you think I'm cheating on you with her!... You know better than anyone that life is not a fairy tale! - he said. – I'm just trying to do the right thing! She's just as much Ozai's victim as the others!
- A Victim who voluntarily killed people! And that doesn't change the fact that you don't spend much time with me! I got lonely… We've only been arguing lately... there's no longer that spark between us... - my voice trailed off. – We've become strangers to each other...
Aang, who had been frowning earlier, turned pale.
- Katara… You're not going to, are you?... - he asked, his voice trembling.
- I-I can't wait for you any longer, Aang... I'm sorry... I want to, but I don't have the strength anymore...
- K-Katara...- he whispered shakily.
- His name is Kaluk, - I said. – He came from the Northern Water Tribe a few months ago. He was nice and friendly. He made me laugh. He was right there. He's doing what you did before...
- Are you in love with him? - ... I could hear the wild pain in his voice, but I knew I had to go on if I wanted to end this here and now.
- W-we kissed… I don't think I'm in love with him right now, but I think it's only a matter of time... He's a good person, Aang... he's trying to make me happy...
Aang spun around, his shoulders shaking. I knew he was crying, but I didn't dare go near him for fear he'd get the wrong idea.
- So that's... that's all? Did our love just come to an end?... - his voice was shaking violently. – After everything we've been through together, do you want to end up like this?...
- You'll always be my best friend, Aang... but I want a family life, not this' couple of days here and a month there ' ... I'm not happy, Aang... Please don't try to change my mind... and I want you to move on… We just weren't meant to be together... - tears were streaming down my cheeks.
- If it wasn't fate, then my whole life is just a dummy… But... however ... goodbye, Katara… Be happy... I wish you all the best... - Aang whispered, then left the house without once turning around. We haven't seen each other since that night. I soon stopped living in our house, afraid of memories, so it became empty.
I fell to my knees and buried my face in my hands, sobbing. I told myself it was better this way. That I want this, I want marriage, I want children, I want a quiet peaceful life. But it seemed that as soon as Aang walked out the door, my heart broke. I broke the heart of my best friend, my beloved person, and caused him endless pain, even though I always assured myself that he would never feel pain from me. What an impudent liar I was.
After a while, I stood up, my eyes red with tears. I forced a smile. Now I will start a new life, all over again. Soon I will achieve my dream and be happy, I thought at the time.
Now that I look back, I realize that I wasn't just a hopeless bitch and a fool, I was also insanely blind. I left the man who loved me more than life. A man who once gave up his most powerful weapon for me. A man who was never afraid to show me his sincere love and affection... a man who loved me despite my shortcomings… Someone who would never hurt me, physically or mentally… And I blamed him for not paying attention to me, that he was cheating on me... I accused him of being too focused on his duties as an Avatar, even though I knew full well that he'd never asked to be one. That if he wasn't an Avatar, we'd never have met. I've ruined everything… And it was all my fault for pushing him away.
And Kaluk… Well ... Kaluk was a pig. I was blind, although it seemed that I had already fallen for this bait once and regretted it, promising that I would be more careful in the future. A blatant, blatant lie. I wasn't being careful. I thought that after Jet, I would seriously evaluate guys, thinking with my head, but this turned out to be nonsense. Kaluk's supposed personality and его friendliness were just a mask. I was lucky that Sokka helped me see this before I made a huge mistake. It turned out that Kaluk was simply using his position as a councilman in the North, his gentle and gentle nature, to get into bed with women and sleep with them. He just had one-night stands with them and then dumped them. And then ignored them the rest of the time... Just like Jet, who once used my liking for him to get what he wanted. I was blind again.
And that was the main difference between Aang and Kaluk. Aang was genuinely sweet and funny, kind, and caring, gentle, and gentle. He would never demand something from me that I didn't want or wasn't ready for. And Kaluk only showed his good side to get something. And I almost fell for it. What a fool I am, after all.
All of this flashed through my mind as I heard Appa roar, which I hadn't seen in a very long time. Sokka and I went for a walk in the main square, or rather, I went for a walk, and he went with me to make sure I didn't run off to the steppe again. Over the past three years, I've often escaped to use water magic to vent my emotions and feelings. There was no one around, so I didn't have to worry about injuring or killing anyone. I completely connected with my element, giving myself to it. Grandma, Sokka, and Dad were worried, but I didn't care. However, recently, my brother started coming to pick me up and drive me home, as if there were any sudden changes in the weather. Even though I told him I could walk home on my own, even in a blizzard, he still picked me up. This was the case all the time, until a recent incident where angry spirits were discovered. So, with no particularго choice of allies in this line, Sokka wrote a letter to Aang a few days ago.
- Sokka, - I whispered, hiding behind him (I, the powerful waterbender, am hiding behind my non-mage brother, funny). – I can't meet him.
- Katara, I don't think Aang will bite, - my brother said.
- Still, - I said.
- Ah... well, I can't force you to do anything against your will, Katara, - Sokka conceded.
I moved back to the buildings, into the shadows, so I wouldn't be so visible. After a while, Sokka was approached by Papa and Master Pakku, who stood in a row, ready to meet the Avatar.
As Appa started to land, I noticed that he wasn't just wearing an airbender. Looking closer, I noticed that he was not alone, but with a girl. But that wasn't all. This same girl was sitting between his legs, leaning on his chest! I was angry! How dare she sit in my place! Only I was allowed to sit there and feel the warmth of Aang's body!
Soon the buffalo touched the surface, and then Aang stood up and lifted the girl up behind him. He put his arm around her waist, and she put her arm around his neck. I felt angry. How dare he hug a girl like that in front of people, while I miss him so much and suffer from the decisions I made in the past! How dare he!
Finally, the pair also landed on the snow. Aang and the girl turned to face Sokka and the others. I gasped.
Azula!
My anger increased a hundredfold. So, it was true! While I was at the South Pole, that damn monk was in a relationship with that bitch! He must have cured her of her psychosis, and they started! The rumors were probably true, and they were fucking at various events! Oh, I was so angry. I always thought our first time together would be together, but it seems like he put that aside. Damn womanizer!
For a moment, my mind lingered on that word. Womanizer. And I'm a whore. But the truth is, Aang had two girls: Azula and me. What about me? I liked Jet, who I had a stupid crush on foolishly, and at one point I was interested in Haru, before he grew that stupid mustache. Then there was Aang, the best time of my life. Then there was the pig-Kaluk, who won me over with his attractiveness and gentle, at first glance, character. How could I insult Aang when I was worse myself?
I jumped from that thought to a new one. Why did I blame Aang for dating Azula? Wasn't it me who asked him on the day we broke up to move on? And now I'm standing there, angry at him for actually doing it. He moved on as my heart bled for what I'd lost.
At some point, Papa and Master Pakku left, leaving only Sokka, Azula, and Aang. A moment later, my brother and Avatar were hugging each other. I felt a pain in my stomach. Oh, how I wanted to throw myself into his arms! To feel his warmth again, his hands on my waist! To feel safe again, in the place I love the most! Press my face into his chest. Inhale his scent...
Then Azula held out her hand herself, and Sokka shook it in the traditional handshake. Ah, that's how he behaves! Talking to that bitch with all her might! My hands clenched with the urge to freeze his hand so he couldn't control it anymore.
Then they started talking about something, but eventually my brother started leaving. Azula took Aang's hand (I felt a great urge again, but now to cut off Azula's hand), and Aang said something to Appa. The bison flew away, and the pair moved away… The side of our house! How dare he take her back to where we lived together! To our home!
Azula looked around at one point, and our eyes met for a second. I tried to convey the full range of my emotions to her. She didn't seem to notice. She said something to the airbender, and then they continued on their way.
"Oh, no, no, no," - I thought and I started to follow them.
I watched them enter the house. I decided to wait a bit, hoping that Aang would go to bed to get some rest from the road. Then I'd sneak in and have a heart-to-heart talk with the firebender. Well, I would have threatened her.
After waiting for about fifteen minutes, I approached the house and carefully opened the door so as not to make too much noise to go inside. I went into the living room and saw an orange fire burning in the fireplace, which meant that it was Aang who lit it. It was nice to see something of him, even if it was so small.
I sat down on the fur sofa to think about what I had to say. I unconsciously started stroking the bedspread with my hand, my eyes scanning the room.
Memory
- No, and not again! Sokka said, crossing his arms. – I won't let you and Aang live in a separate house!
— Why is that? - I asked irritably.
- I can't leave you with this guy! He's fifteen years old, Katara! I know what guys at this age are thinking! And these are not innocent thoughts at all!
- We're not little kids, Sokka! - I exclaimed. – I'm older than he is! Even if he's not ready for sex, I'm already ready!
- What's that supposed to mean? After saying that, I want to forbid you to be alone with him! Your thoughts and his hormones are a very bad combination!
- Aarrggghh...- I growled. - Listen up, Sokka! We're going to live with Aang in our own house, whether you want it or not! - I stood my ground.
- All right, all right! - he gave up. - Just promise me you won't do anything yet!
- Sokka!
- I'm serious, Katara! He is not yet a man according to the tradition of our Tribe! Anyway, I don't want to be an uncle! I'm still too young!
- If I agree, will you help me talk Dad about a house?
- So, you haven't even asked your dad yet? - he asked.
- Of course! I need your support to convince him to trust us!
- Okay, Katara, - he said after a while. – But I remember what you promised me.
- Yes, yes, Sokka! - I exclaimed, pulling on his arm. - Let's go talk Dad into it!
In the end, we were able to persuade our father, but I also had to promise him that we would not do anything yet, and we would be visited at least twice a week. I quickly agreed, then ran to write a letter to Aang with the news that we were going to have our own house!
The next day, I sent a letter and started construction, clearing the area for our house, as well as erecting the walls, making them much thicker so that the interior would remain warm.
Three days later, Aang himself arrived and decided to get out of world affairs for a week and come to help build the house.
He melted the ice deeply to pull the rocks out from under the ice layer and make a fireplace and chimney. After that, we started building walls inside together, creating rooms. Then there was the roof. Aang wanted to build a flat roof, but I explained to him that if we did that, the roof would collapse in a couple of days. So, we made a sloping roof.
When the house was technically finished and the furniture still needed to be arranged (Aang said he would bring it back in pieces when he visited me), Airbender started building an insulated barn for Appa, and I started decorating the house, adding patterns and other touches.
After about a week of construction, the building was ready. Aang flew away on business, which he did every month, and I went back to helping Master Pakk train the waterbenders.
When our house was completely finished (furniture was arranged, bedspreads were spread, our bed was put up, the kitchen was equipped), we had a small party to celebrate this event. All our friends were invited, even Toph came to see what we had achieved. But she still complained about the cold and the discomfort, even though we all saw her smile, knowing that she, like everyone else, missed each other...
Yes... there were many pleasant memories associated with this place...
I would have been sitting on the couch, completely oblivious to the conversation, but I was pulled out of my thoughts by a woman's voice, in which the poison was very clearly heard.
- Ah, it's you, Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe... - said Azula, standing in the doorway to the room with her arms crossed. - Or should I call you a whore? What do you think best, bitch?
I, to put it mildly, fucked up. Who do you think you are, Azula? What makes her think she can talk to me like that? Impudent bitch. She came here and started insulting me.
- Who do you think you are, huh? No one asked for your opinion, murderer!
There was a flicker of pain in Azula's eyes at the word "murderer", but I ignored it. Not now.
- I'm not a killer anymore! – she clarified.
- Oh, yes, of course! I'm pretty sure you're waiting for the perfect opportunity to attack my Aang! You just wear a mask!
- Your Aang? - she laughed hysterically. – He stopped being yours as soon as you left him! Hmm ... that reminds me why I came down here in the first place...
In the next second, I was pinned to the wall. Her left hand was holding my neck, not choking me, but crushing me. And in the right hand, her blue light appeared. I won't lie, such a sharp attack on me scared me and made me fear for my life. But that was before I remembered that we were at the South Pole.
I created ice spikes around Azula and pulled them up to her back.
- Let go of me, - I growled. - Or..
- Or, or, or - she interrupted. - Or what? What will you do? Will you stab me? So, let me ask you a question: when Aang sees that I'm injured, who will he believe? Me or you?
I bit my lip as I understood the direction of her thoughts. If I had been absolutely sure that the airbender would believe my words before, I wasn't so sure now.
- You doubt it, - Firebender said sweetly when I still didn't answer. - You're doing the right thing. He would have believed me.
I was petrified. He would have believed her. So, he trusts Azula more than he trusts me...
- And that brings us back to why I'm here... - she interrupted my thoughts again, then pushed me harder against the wall and brought the fire closer to my face. – If you, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, hurt Aang, or hurt him, or I have even the slightest thought that you want to break his heart again, then you don't have to worry about your life anymore, because it will end in a second. Do you understand me, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe? - With that, she let go of me, so I fell to my hands and knees, gasping for air.
I think I've experienced Deja vu. Years ago, I'd used almost exactly the same words to threaten Zuko that I'd kill him if he hurt Aang. And now, Azula is threatening me about the same thing. But most of all...
- You know, - Azula said after a moment. – You said I was a murderer, and all I was waiting for was to stab Aang in the back… But don't you think it would be more merciful than what you did? You, the person he... - she stopped, - you, the person who was closest to him, broke his heart. You stabbed him in the back, something he never expected... It's right to say that enemies can never stab you in the back... because only those you trust can do it...
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I listened to Firebender. I couldn't stop her; I didn't have the strength. Everything she said was true. I broke the heart of a man who loved me madly... loved me?
- Azula, - I whispered, looking up at her. - Tell me: are you together?
- No, we're not in love, if that's what you mean, - she said, a little irritated.
I let out a sigh of relief, but there was still one more important question...
- Azula? - I called again.
- Yes? - she asked, her voice surprisingly devoid of hostility now.
- Aang, does he... does he still love me ... or doesn't he? - I sobbed at the last words.
- ...that's not for me to say, - Azula retorted, looking away.
I was about to push her, but at that moment Aang came into the room. I gasped with happiness at finally seeing him up close, and stood up, wanting to hug him as soon as possible.
He stood tall in his airbender robes, which were tight in places, but the lighter cloak over his robes made it less noticeable. It seemed that his body had become more prominent. He was still bald, his tattoo proudly displayed on his forehead. I wanted to run my hand over it. His eyes were still the same storm gray as the last time I'd looked into them. Stubble appeared on his chin and cheeks. I pictured an Avatar with a beard… It would be weird... it felt like he was about to grin his crooked smile and tell me that he missed me so much, throwing himself into my arms...
However, I completely stopped when I saw his gaze. He wasn't angry or ferocious or anything. It was intense, assessing, testing. As far as I could remember, Aang had never looked at people like that. He always forgave them, gave them a chance. But he never looked at them like he was deciding whether or not to give them this very chance. And there he was, looking at me with that look. I'm the first one to get it. And I couldn't blame him for that. I lowered my eyes in shame. I wondered if he'd seen my tears.
- What happened here, Azula? - Airbender asked as he looked at the girl.
I felt her eyes on me, wondering what she would say.
- ...Katara just came by to see if we were doing well... - Azula replied in a flat tone.
I was surprised she didn't tell me about the incident. She can tell him later, though, when I'm gone.
- Okay, - the Avatar said uncertainly, then his voice softened. - Katara?...
I was afraid to look up, afraid this time to see that his eyes no longer glowed with love for me. He called my name again. This time I looked up cautiously.
- Why were you crying? – he asked softly, but firmly.
I didn't know what to say. So, I decided to lie.
- I pulled my shoulder in training this afternoon, so it hurts sometimes, - I said, trying to be honest. – When I went into the house, I accidentally slipped and fell on this shoulder. It was very painful, so I started to shed unwanted tears... Azula helped me up, so here we are, - I decided to add, repaying Azula for not telling me anything.
The Avatar stared at me for a moment, considering my words. Why did I get the impression that he didn't believe a word I said? But he didn't say anything about it.
- All right, - he said. - You should be more careful, Katara, - he said softly, in a slightly accusing tone. - Do you need to be brought home?
The fact that he didn't ask me to spend the night here in our house almost completely showed me that he was getting colder towards me. But has he completely cooled down, or do I still have a chance that he can forgive me and take me back? I had a risky idea in my head, but I had to do it if I wanted to find out something.
- Actually, I wouldn't mind if you walked me out...- I said hesitantly.
- All right, - Aang agreed (I let out a sigh inwardly, as I was afraid, he might end up saying no, or worse, asking Azula to do it), then turned to the princess. – You can go to bed, and I'll come and lie down as quietly as I can.
- I'll wait for you to come, - Azula said.
The avatar nodded, then looked at me, silently encouraging me to go. As I passed the firebender, the girl gave me a cold, warning, menacing look. A shiver ran down my spine. I hurried past and followed the airbender out of the house.
- So, where exactly should I take you? - he asked.
- What does "where to" mean? - I frowned, not sure what other answer there was besides the house where Grandma, Sokka, and Dad lived.
- Well, I can take you to Kaluk's house or Hakoda's. So where are we going? – he clarified.
Ah, so that's it. What Aang doesn't know is that Kaluk and I haven't been together for a long time. How would he know? I didn't write him any letters, because I was afraid that he wouldn't read them, but would just throw them away. Sokka sometimes wrote to Airbender, but he didn't seem to mention it either. I can understand it. I also wouldn't want to mention in a letter to a friend that his sister broke up with another boyfriend. There could be a conflict on this ground.
It suddenly occurred to me that I knew absolutely nothing about Aang. After being separated for three years, I had no idea what was going on in his life. I needed to get to know him again, to make sure that he could trust me again...
- We're going to my father's, - I said.
- Did you and Kaluk have a fight or something? Why aren't you going to him? - Aang asked.
- Um... Kaluk and I broke up...- I said uncertainly, looking directly at the Avatar to gauge his reaction.
- Ah… So that's it... - the airbender said absently, after which we continued walking in silence, he didn't look in my direction.
I was somewhat disappointed by his reaction. I imagined him wrapping his arms around me, spinning me around, then lifting me to the surface, then kissing me passionately on the lips… I would put my arms around his neck, and he would put his hands on my hips, squeezing them lightly, making me moan in my throat... or he could laugh at me, tell me I was a failure, that it served me right, that I deserved it, tell me that he didn't feel sorry for me… But he just stopped talking. The worst part was that I didn't know what exactly he was thinking. His face was like a stone mask, showing no emotion. Maybe he wasn't thinking about me at all. He might not care. According to Azula, they're not a couple. Which means he's probably single. I will never believe that Aang could find some random girl and start a relationship with her. Aang would never do that. But Azula might have been lying...
- Here we are, - the Avatar said suddenly, stopping relatively close to the front door.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice when we reached my house. Remembering my idea and getting some new information made me nervous. But I had to try.
I looked up at him, looking straight into Aang's eyes. I thought I saw a flash of fear in his eyes for a second. Fear. I would have thought about it if I hadn't seen love in them for a moment the next second. That's why I decided.
I walked right up to Aang, not taking my eyes off him. He stood motionless; his eyes also fixed on me. We were standing so close that his breath brushed my lips.
I put my hands on his cheeks, gently stroking his cheekbones with my thumbs, still looking straight into his eyes. I brought my face close to his, looking down at his lips.
Finally, slowly bringing my lips closer, I kissed him very gently. Without language or passion. Just a slow and very gentle kiss.
To my great joy, he answered me. He gently placed his hands on my waist, pulling me closer.
We kissed slowly, languidly. Expressing mutual affection and deep love. An involuntary moan escaped my throat...
And that's when he pulled away. I looked at his face, and if I didn't know what had happened, I would have thought the airbender had been punched in the stomach.
- G-good night, Katara, - he muttered, then quickly left.
I felt my heart start to bleed. Feeling weak in my body, I fell to my knees. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I never thought it would be possible to feel so much pain when someone you loved just walked away during a kiss...
I was reminded of a distant night on Ember Island. The same thing happened that night. Only then were our roles reversed...
I think I now understand how Aang felt when I ran away from him that night. If it really hurt me as a grown-up girl, I can't imagine how Aang felt when he was only twelve. It was certainly ironic. Now I was the one trying to find out what Aang was feeling, ignoring his possible emotions...
- Katara? - A man's voice came from the doorway, interrupting my thoughts.
I turned my head and saw that it was Sokka.
- Sokka?...
- You're crying! - he said before rushing towards me, hugging me. – What happened?
- Aang. He...he... - I continued to sob.
- Oh ... that little one… I'll beat him to a pulp… I don't care if he's an Avatar!
- He... it's not his fault...- I tried to explain, because I didn't want Sokka to touch him. – It's all my fault...
- Let's go inside, - he said, and I nodded.
We got up and went inside. As we passed the living room, Dad started to say something, but Sokka looked at him, so Dad didn't say anything.
We went into my room. I sat down on the bed and covered my face with my hands. Sokka sat down next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
- I'm so afraid, Sokka ... I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore...
- Tell me what happened.
- Aang walked me home… As he was about to leave, I kissed him… He answered, but then just ran away... I-I don't know what to think...
- Hmm… I do not know what I should tell you, since I have never had such a thing… But ... hmm… I can tell you for sure that you need to do something.
- Oh, come on, Sokka, - I said sarcastically. – Thank you very much.
- Hey, I'm just trying to help, - he said, then paused for a moment. - Remember, you told me about what happened between the two of you on Ember Island years ago?
- Yes, - I said. - But what's the point?
- You said you wanted to protect your heart. Perhaps Aang was in the same situation. You've already broken his heart once... - I lowered my eyes shyly. – Aang is just trying to protect his heart. He's afraid to feel the pain again. So, he's in no hurry to throw himself into your arms...
If you think about it, it made sense. Just like so many years ago, I ignored his feelings again, focusing only on my own emotions. But I didn't know how he felt. If I wanted us to be together, I had to understand how he felt.
I need to help his heartу heal.
- I'll make sure he starts trusting me again, - I said firmly. – I'm not going to drop this case just because he pulled out. I love him. And I'll get it back.
- That's the attitude, sis, - Sokka said cheerfully. – But now, you need to get some sleep. Let your mind rest. This way you'll figure out exactly what to do faster.
- Thank you, Sokka, - I said softly.
- I'll do anything to make you happy, Katara, - he clarified. - Even if it has to do with the boys.
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he responded in kind. Sokka said good night to me, then left the room.
I got into bed and closed my eyes, wishing I could go to sleep.
"I'll get you back, Aang," - I thought, and then my eyes closed.
