Author's Note: Hello! I want to bring to your attention that the traffic statistics have been out of order on this website for the past three months. It's very frustrating for many writers here, flying blind not knowing who has been reading and what the interest level has been. If you're reading this (yes, you!) please leave a review on this story - even just to let me know that you've been here! I miss seeing the engagement of each chapter and I've been plowing ahead with this entire story arc with Mikhail not knowing how it is being received. You don't need an account to leave a review, and I always continue to encourage feedback and input from my followers. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Also, if you're more comfortable reading on AO3, I have begun posting this story over there as well, with many chapter updates, all the song recommendations, and there will be some adult content included over there as well.

I have also created a YouTube Music playlist for "Metro 2033: Liberation." If you search that term, you'll find the entire list of song recommendations in order for each chapter! I hope you like rock/metal music as much as I do, haha! But there's a few other genres on there as well.

Character portraits are displayed on my DeviantArt page of the same username: ElegantValkyrie

Disclaimer: The characters and story originally created by Dmitri Glukhovsky in the book and video game series "Metro: 2033" and its sequels do not belong to me. Those properties are owned by Glukhovsky, 4A Games, and Deep Silver. This work of fiction is intended for entertainment purposes and is not meant to be canonical, though I tried very hard to make it fit within the parameters. I do retain my rights for the creation of my own original characters and ideas. I do not make any money from writing this story.

Song Recommendation: "My Demons" – Starset, "Not Strong Enough" – Apocalyptica

Chapter Forty-Four: Absent Without Love

Three evenly spaced knocks resounded through the thick metal door to the office. Colonel Melnik had been impatiently anticipating this appointment. He looked over at the large analog clock on the wall and compared it with his wristwatch; the visitor was exactly on time. Taking a deep breath, he began to rebuild his resolve. This was not going to be an easy conversation.

"Enter!" he called loudly, trying to vent a bit of his frustration through the command.

The door opened reluctantly and the entering Ranger's brooding countenance began to taint the space around him as he stepped inside. He was wearing his full stealth kit and armor but he'd removed his balaclava and helmet as that was an expected sign of respect when speaking with the Colonel. He had continued to wear all of his gear inside the bunker to conceal himself and he had completely evaded all the people who had known about the rescue operation or taken part in it.

"Where have you been, Lieutenant Vorobyov?" Melnik began as formally as he could manage with his tone half angry and half concerned, rising uncomfortably from his seat behind the massive wooden desk.

"I didn't do anything stupid." Mikhail closed the door and turned around but avoided Melnik's piercing stare. "I only missed one shift."

"That's not what I asked," he doubled down with squinted eyes.

"You know where," Mikhail was brazen but his voice was flat. He knew that the Colonel had told Katya where to find him and wanted to express his resentment.

"I'm placing you on a temporary leave of absence, for your own health and safety," Melnik commanded sternly and pulled a file folder to the top of the pile while taking out a pen.

"And I'm here to request extra assignments." Mikhail finally looked up with determination, taking a few steps forward as if to interrupt the damning inscription in his profile. "I'll take over the South-East patrols that Hunter used to—"

"Absolutely not. Don't force me to confine you to the base as well," The Colonel frowned to emphasize his threat but then let out a breath and softened, already seeing that tough love was not going to be useful here. He'd been thinking about how to handle this discussion from the moment Mikhail realized that Aleksandrya was the Sasha he once knew. There was no reason to withhold the true subject matter any longer. The sooner he addressed the issue directly, the sooner a resolution might be found. "You can't run away from her forever."

"I'm not running. I'm just… staying away. For her sake." Mikhail spoke softly as he admitted to the accusation, crossing his arms defensively.

"You think that's the right choice?" Melnik put the file down and copied his Lieutenant's stance like it was a challenge. Who could be more stubborn?

"We just got her out of the Second Unit! Didn't you see what they fucking did? I should have shot them all to hell for that! Now you think it's a good idea for another fucking Nazi to just come walking out of the past? I won't do that to her!" The troubled Ranger gestured around as he shouted so passionately, ending the outburst by pointing at the door as if she was on the other side of it.

"You aren't a Nazi, Mikhail," he reminded as gently as he could but it still sounded irritated.

"You know what I fucking mean... Sir." He tried to calm himself back down with a dose of inferiority. If he could maintain the idea that he was in the presence of his commanding officer and not think of Melnik as a father-figure right now, then he might still be able to deny his emotions.

"I can see that you've taken this penance of avoidance upon yourself because you care about her… but I don't think it's right. You're killing yourself in the process." The Colonel placed both hands down on the desk and leaned on them.

"I'm already dead. It's better I stay that way," Mikhail said almost inaudibly.

"You've got to stop thinking like that. You've been doing so well; you've come a long way since then. Hell, we just had your promotion ceremony in April." He tried to sound encouraging but it wasn't sinking in. Melnik had only recently begun to believe that the Sparrow was finally moving on from his painful past. His Lieutenant had been making great strides in his service, seeing several recent missions through to successful completion, and taking a bit of pride in his accomplishments for once. Even the rescue mission had gone smoothly thanks in large part to Mikhail's intelligence gathering and delegation of duties beyond the barricade at Tverskaya. He had been gaining confidence and trust in his fellow Rangers, and had established a rapport with Artyom so quickly, getting along with him even better than he did with his usual junior partner. Everything about him had been improving… until he saw Aleksandrya. Now it was like he was starting all over again, unwillingly dragged five years backwards into the pit of despair he had worked so hard to crawl out of.

"Look, I just... either way, it's going to be... nothing is ever going to feel right." The blonde Ranger clenched his fists and tried to explain how he felt but there was too much going on inside his head to keep any of it straight. Every possibility seemed wrong somehow. What did the Colonel really expect him to do?

"There's no textbook way to feel about anything. But you can't keep pretending that those feelings aren't there." Melnik came around to the front of the desk and sat back against it.

"I don't even know what they are anymore. It's been so long." Mikhail closed his eyes and shook his head. As long as he didn't give a label to what he was feeling, he wouldn't have to deal with it.

"You still love her." Melnik didn't know why he had to be so convincing of the fact, it was plain as day to everyone else how Mikhail felt about Aleksandrya. Didn't he know it himself?

"Well, what of it? It means nothing," he shook away the wistfulness once more and the angst returned. But that was an important admittance. "Did you forget that the only reason she was anywhere near here had to do with Hunter? Because I didn't. And there's no fucking way that you're telling me that I should get in the middle of that! Quantum fucking Entanglement," Mikhail scoffed.

"I'm not telling you to do anything except think about it. You can't be selfless to the point of not being yourself anymore. You'll lose your mind completely if you keep this up, and then what? I'm not just going to stand by while another one of my best men lets himself be eaten away by his regrets."

"It's not about me, it's what's best for her," he became subdued again.

"And you think abandoning her when she's suffering is what's best?" Melnik dared to ask. Mikhail wasn't seeing the full picture, and he hadn't enquired about her condition at all. "She needs all the support she can get."

"I think not adding any more fuel to her pain is better than digging up old skeletons."

"What about your pain?" Melnik thought that he might be the only one involved in this ordeal who was looking out for Mikhail and not simply trying to assuage Aleksandrya.

"I've carried it this long; I can keep going." Mikhail squinted his eyes with intractable tenacity. The wrong kind of tenacity.

"But you thought they killed her, that's a different kind of grief," Melnik stepped closer as if it would intensify the truth he was trying to tell.

"She thinks I'm—! You weren't there! They came for both of us!" Mikhail began to pace back and forth across the room. "They dragged me away from her, kicking and screaming. There was no fucking trial, no tribunal, no hearing, just the goddamn wall. I heard her calling for me, I heard her crying, I heard her heart breaking… I heard her die when I did. There's nothing to resurrect from those ashes."

"But you didn't die, and neither did she! She's right there, right now!" Melnik pointed to the floor because the med bay was vaguely underneath them in the lower level of the bunker. "If you thought it was so hopeless, then why drag yourself from the grave all the way to Polis? Why offer yourself to the Order after all the Reich put you through? You could have stayed in Borovitskaya as a Brahmin but you chose this instead."

"I don't know. I don't remember," Mikhail let out a huff and looked away like a rebellious teenager. Having amnesia was a convenient scapegoat for the things he didn't want to admit to.

"Yes, you do remember. It's because you keep blaming yourself, living only as self-punishment. You've suffered enough already. It's not your fault," Melnik pleaded forcefully. It was torturous in itself just watching this miserable Ranger wrestle with this mess of emotions and memories. He wanted to alleviate it somehow but nothing was working so far. How did he help him the last time these awful recollections cropped up?

"It is my fault! I was the one they wanted!" Mikhail raised his voice again and his hands went up with it, then he began to pivot in small circles while he thought out loud. "The Resistance needed me because of my position in the Guard, they didn't ask her for anything. I could have said no, I could have kept her out of it. We didn't need to get involved with all that shit."

"But they promised you salvation, I'm guessing?" Melnik held up a hand as if to slow his soldier down. He had always suspected this part but had never asked.

Mikhail took a long minute before answering, slowing down to a stop in the middle of the room. His head wavered back and forth slightly, as if he was re-reading his missive from the Resistance in real time. They would never retaliate against someone who chose not to participate but they almost always offered a prize that made the risk seem worth it. Likely, they had lured Mikhail into compliance because of his relationship, presenting a path for them both to get away from the Reich after he completed his end of the deal. Except it didn't happen that way.

"There was no possible chance to have a happy life there." Mikhail was so stuck in the past he could barely think about the present, let alone the future and all its possibilities.

"But you can have one here. Today." Melnik stepped forward and pointed at the floor again. He wouldn't be trying this hard if it hadn't been for Artyom's observations which reassured that Aleksandrya did indeed remember Mikhail and possibly still had feelings for him as well.

"So, you've given up hope for him, have you?" Mikhail suddenly looked over and switched the subject since Melnik had skipped along the timeline and the Colonel knew who he was talking about.

"You know I'll always want to believe in him but I have to be a realist. It's been almost four goddamn months! We can't keep the search up for much longer with the news going around about D6. I've been recalling the outer perimeter; we need to focus our operations closer to home and defend the base. How many more comrades are we willing to lose searching for just one man who doesn't want to be found?" Melnik hadn't told these plans to anyone. He had gradually increased his doubt that Hunter would return, though he still didn't believe that his best friend and second in command had been killed by the Dark Ones.

"One-man army, you mean."

"I know he meant a lot to you, too, but sometimes you give him too much credit. He's still human after all." Melnik paused as his next sentence was internal, then he drew up half a smile, "Funny that you all ended up here together."

"Sir?" Mikhail tensed up in his confusion.

"You, Artyom, Aleksandrya. You all owe your purpose here to Hunter. And I think he would want each of you to be happy and live your lives to the fullest. That's the exact reason why he sacrificed himself."

"Yeah? So, if he comes back tomorrow and sees us together how's that gonna go down?" Mikhail raised his eyebrows incredulously and spoke with sarcasm.

"Mikhail, when are you going to treat yourself with the same compassion that you give to everyone else?" This time Melnik put a hand on the Ranger's shoulder.

"When I earn it. I've fucked up enough already, and I'll be damned if I make it any worse for her now." Mikhail took a step away, shaking off the reassurance as if he didn't deserve it.

"Well, I'm trying to consider what to do with Aleksandrya from here on out. She's going to need a lot of help to recover from all this. She's got a strong will but they put her through a lot." Melnik sat back against his desk again and sighed. Perhaps if he gave some details about her condition or state of mind, Mikhail might understand better. "If anyone's given up hope for Hunter, it's her. I know she's trying to act tough but it doesn't take a shrink to see that she feels abandoned and alone."

"I'll fucking kill Varnayev if I ever see him again," Mikhail growled with hatred, seeming to ignore the information on her prognosis. Melnik continued with his appeal.

"I think she needs you. And more importantly, I think you need her. And I think that… Hunter didn't come back for a reason. If he is alive then that means he made a deliberate choice not to return – what kind of entanglement is that?" Melnik didn't allow Mikhail to answer. "I was there when you started to remember her."

"I know," Mikhail said breathlessly but he tried not to think back to those agonizing days. Almost as soon as he'd begun to sort out his memories of serving in the Honor Guard, the memories of Sasha came rushing back in as well. He felt guilty for not remembering her, he felt guilty for her death, he felt guilty that he was still alive. Melnik had intervened because he was the only one who knew enough about post-traumatic stress reactions to bring Mikhail down from his suicidal panic attack. He had kept the tortured soldier under his wing ever since then but Hunter was the one who worked with Mikhail in the field and taught him to function again.

"Hunter kept everything to himself, everything. He constantly set his feelings and needs aside for everyone else's sake and just look at where it's gotten him. I tried to tell him that he was working too hard, sacrificing too much, but I don't think he knew any other way to operate."

"The benchmark," Mikhail mumbled absent-mindedly.

"The martyr," Melnik said readily and ominously. "Is that what you're trying to be, Mikhail? Because I don't think Aleksandrya needs another one of those. You're going to surrender yourself to the whims of treacherous chaos the same way he did? Because if you do that then she has nobody left. Is that what you want for her? You think she wants you to die all over again when she could have you back in her life?"

"I… want her to… be happy, and…" Mikhail either stopped because he didn't know the answers or because he couldn't admit it out loud. At least it finally sounded as if he was considering the possibilities.

"We Spartans do what's best for the greater good. If not we, then who?" Melnik grabbed Mikhail by the shoulders firmly. "You keep asking yourself why you're still here, why you lived. Well, I think the answer is staring you right in the face. You'd have to be blind to not see it. Why else would the two of you survive such atrocities and then come within arms' reach of each other again? No one gets a second chance like this. You can choose to live, and live well, for both of your sakes."

Mikhail didn't reply or look up at the Colonel, his words were convincing enough. He did know what he wanted; he just didn't think it was possible. He hadn't even let himself dream about it. Maybe he'd simply been waiting for the right person to give him that permission.

"Look, she's going to find out about you one way or another. Eventually, someone's going to say your name around here. If she recovers well and chooses to stay with us, what are you going to do then? And how do you think it's going to look to her? What's she going to think about you purposefully avoiding her like this? You don't even know how she feels so how can you make a decision like that without seeing her?"

"I… I don't know." There wasn't any other way to find out how she felt without talking to her. "What if she doesn't remember? If she forgot everything like I did. What if she's angry about what happened? I can't blame her for blaming me."

"If it were me, I wouldn't ever forget something like that… and I couldn't stay angry with someone I loved." He wanted to tell Mikhail the things that Aleksandrya had said about him but he figured he'd said enough already to get him to this point in even considering the alternatives. After all, he would be sending the Sparrow down to Artyom next, so he would let the young Ranger tell him about it himself. Instead of leveraging more sentimental sorrow, Melnik closed the argument out with, "Besides, do you really trust Ulman and Katya to keep your damned secrets forever?"

"Fuck," the blonde Ranger sighed knowingly. There were no more excuses left now. "But h-how am I supposed to—? I don't know what to— I don't think I can—"

"Well, my official advice would be to go and speak to Artyom. The kid's got a lot of heart and he isn't afraid to show it. You could learn something from that. He and Aleksandrya have become close friends, and he's been very worried about you, too. He's still your partner in this mission. In fact, from now on in this matter you'll defer to him. Do what he says, because I know he'll have all of your best interests at heart."

"Yes, sir. I'll, uh…" Mikhail nodded slowly, already off on a brand-new hurtling train of thought.

"Artyom is down in the barracks waiting for you. You're dismissed, Lieutenant." Melnik said quietly, patting Mikhail on the back warmly, then returned to his desk and made a definitive scribble in the file folder. "And you're relieved from all duties until you get this sorted out."

"Understood, sir." Mikhail took a deep breath and pulled himself together straight enough to give a salute before his exit. He set his helmet back on his head and closed the visor, he could only hide for a few more minutes.


Artyom sat uncomfortably at his desk in his barracks room, pen poised over his notebook and trying to put words to the nervousness he was feeling. Colonel Melnik had instructed him to wait here, and not even for too long, because if he was successful in his discussion with Mikhail, then the elusive Ranger would be showing up at any minute.

'If he isn't down there within the hour, then he's really going to be in trouble, so prepare yourself for the endgame,' the Commander had assured him. And he had left the final implements up to Artyom.

So, he stared at the paper again thoughtfully. He'd written down the few brief things that Aleks had said about Mikhail and their relationship, though he wasn't going to admit to his partner right away the things he had found out. He didn't want to seem nosy and didn't want Mikhail to get the impression that he'd found a workaround on his oath to not say anything to Aleks about him. She had spoken of her tragic past all on her own, without provocation. It had been so difficult to hold it all in, impossible to imagine what might happen when they finally saw each other, because they had to. This had to end one way or another.

If one thing was for certain, it was that he would finally get to hear the full story of what had happened to Mikhail eight years ago. Find out why Aleks thought he was dead and understand why he never tried to go back for her. Everyone had alluded to the incident which delivered the ex-Honor Guard to Polis in some way. And he remembered Ulman and Katya talking about how Mikhail had lost his memory and 'that doesn't just happen for no reason.' Amnesia usually coincided with a traumatic experience or a serious illness but Artyom just couldn't make sense of the alleged execution because his partner seemed perfectly normal and healthy.

There was a hollow double-knock on the door frame and Artyom wasn't surprised to see Mikhail standing in it pensively, although his heart began to race as he anticipated what might be said first. He took note that his partner was fully outfitted in his usual tactical gear and seemed to have removed his helmet just before knocking because his platinum blonde hair was sticking up with static and sweat. This tormented Ranger had finally sought out Artyom purposefully, probably because he was the only other person who would understand the emotions that all the other men tried to pretend that they didn't have. Artyom had poured out his entire brain regarding Aleks when he first met Mikhail, so he could see why he would feel comfortable enough to do the same. That was why Melnik left him in charge of this last important step.

"What's up?" Artyom asked with mock concern, closing the cover of his notebook to keep his knowledge concealed.

"Nothing much, I just wanted to ask you… uh, well," Mikhail looked away and scratched at the back of his neck nervously.

Artyom decided to give the man the space to let the question out, scooting his chair back and looking up at him encouragingly. He already knew what the inquiry was going to be. It was about damn time.

"H-how's she been doing?" Mikhail said quietly, looking off down the hall as if he expected someone.

"Aleks? She's getting better little by little but… she's been really depressed, so I've been visiting her every day." Artyom glanced down at his watch for show because the two of them still had unrestricted access to her. "I was about to head down there, why don't you come with?"

"No, I… I don't know if I can," He rejected the suggestion extremely fast but ended up cutting the reason short.

"You… can't?" Artyom didn't understand. Had Mikhail decided to stay away from her altogether? Even after the Colonel had told Artyom to prepare for the fated reunion? He only wished he'd gotten another briefing from the Commander after he'd had his interaction with Mikhail. What could they have spoken about? "Did Colonel Melnik tell you not to?"

"No, actually he told me to come to you and I… I just, haven't been able to— You didn't say anything to her about me, did you?" Mikhail still wasn't looking him in the eye.

"Hang on, you haven't gone down there? At all? Why not?" Artyom asked these questions carefully even though he already knew some of the answers. He knew perfectly well that Mikhail hadn't gone anywhere near the med bay, if he'd even been in the bunker much at all in the last few days.

"I just can't, and I probably shouldn't," the Ranger finally looked up with a despondent expression.

"But… even after all this time? And you helped rescue her, I'm sure she wants to thank you at least. She thanked the rest of us individually." Artyom was trying to come up with the reasons for him.

Mikhail took a full step inside Artyom's bunk room and sighed heavily before answering in a low voice.

"I don't know how to… how I should feel, anymore. And all the rumors I ignored before are actually important now. I didn't think that your Aleks was my Sasha, that it was the same person… and if she was with Hunter then I have no right, no excuse to walk back into her world now. It's been eight goddamn years. Quantum Entanglement? What have I got against that? A faded tattoo from another lifetime? She's moved on, she doesn't need to be dragged back into the past all over again."

Mikhail sounded hurt by his own decision but his argument did make sense in a way. He was willing to keep his distance - indefinitely - simply out of respect for Aleks' relationship with Hunter, especially since he was one of the few who still believed that the veteran Stalker was alive somewhere. Even if he had given up that hope, he understood how Aleks might feel about Hunter still and would not intrude on that grief or try to replace Hunter with himself. Artyom respected him greatly for that kind of nobility and selflessness but he also knew that things could evolve differently.

"Hunter isn't here. You are. I think she'd want to see you; in fact, I think she needs to. I'll go in with you if you want?" Artyom truly felt the desire to support his partner who had helped him with so much already. The man was clearly struggling with something deep within and he clearly still intensely cared about Aleks. There was a good chance that he was still in love with her, even after all this time.

"No, Artyom, please… don't even tell her that I..." Mikhail trailed off suspiciously.

"Why does she think you're dead?" Artyom asked forcefully. He already knew what Mikhail was trying to say, so he let on to the things he had discovered from Aleks' side of the story.

"I am dead. I was supposed to be dead. At least that's what they think," Mikhail glanced out into the hall again warily and then brought the door with him as he came back in.

Artyom stood up uneasily and then tried to offer his chair to Mikhail but he refused. Only a tiny crack in the door was left and Artyom wondered why his partner felt the need to be so secretive. Just because it was a sensitive topic? Or because it was about Aleks? Or was it all entirely to do with his life in the Reich that he'd never fully explained? Maybe he was keeping that background a secret for a good reason, just like she had. Mikhail couldn't also be related to the Führer, right?

"The Nazis?" Artyom watched Mikhail's expressions cycle through tense anguish and insecurity, able to tell that he was about to break in one way or another. He put a consoling hand on his shoulder and tempered his tone, "Hey, I won't tell anyone about it, just like you promised me."

"Yes, them," Mikhail spoke even quieter than he had before, leaning his head down as if he was ashamed.

"What the hell happened? How did you escape?" Artyom pressed a little harder but tried not to sound aggravated, switching off to a more hopeful tone. "Mikhail, I can't help either of you if you don't tell me the truth - right now."

"I didn't escape, I was court-martialed for treason and attempted mutiny. Someone outed me to the brass… about what I had been doing for the Resistance. I didn't get a trial or a hearing or a… they just put me up against the wall, blindfolded and everything," Mikhail took a breath and looked up at the ceiling, seeming to be reliving the story he was telling. "They fired… but I guess they didn't hit anything too important. I crawled out of the cesspit they dumped me in and all the way to Borovitskaya. Some doctors in Polis managed to save my sorry life but I would have rather died than leave her by choice."

"Shit," Artyom whispered in disbelief and fell back into his chair, unsettling and vivid images coming into his mind. He never wanted to believe what he'd heard, that the Nazis had violently executed Mikhail, or at least they tried to, because somehow he was still here. Aleks hadn't lied at all, she just didn't know that he had survived. "What… what happened after that?"

"I had selective amnesia for two-something years. I knew my name and all that shit but couldn't remember much of anything from the Reich… until one day, I was standing guard at the Council and saw one of my former commanders walk in with the Führer. Damn near had a panic attack in front of everybody. Melnik stepped in, kept me from fuckin' killing myself. I got into the Order pretty soon after that, since I had plenty of intel on the Reich. On that day, everything came flooding back in and I… I just can't." He cycled back to his original refusal to visit Aleks.

"But what about... you never tried to go back for her?" This was the part that he never understood. The last missing piece.

"Don't you get it? I thought they shot her right after me!" Mikhail's voice almost broke as it had risen so suddenly, he paced and turned within the tiny room and held a hand over his mouth as if to recalibrate for the next words. His teary eyes were begging for some kind of absolution, as if he felt personally at fault for everything that happened. "All this time, I thought… She was there when… We were in the Resistance together. When they came to arrest us, I tried to tell them that it was all my doing… so at least she could live. Maybe they only said she was next so it would hurt even more, or maybe the officer her mom was with pulled some strings to get her a lighter sentence. I don't know what happened after I… it was almost three years before I even remembered anything about it, and I've been mourning her ever since."

"I-I'm sorry," Artyom said breathlessly, unsure what to say or do in this moment. Mikhail had finally explained it all, and each of them thought the other had been killed. Aleks refrained from speaking of such an indescribable grief of watching her fiancé be taken away to be shot, and Mikhail had freaked out on the railcar because he didn't expect to see her again - ever. "But she managed to get out, too, and now—"

"I left and her life only got worse. I should'a known better than to get involved with all that revolutionary crap, I knew it was a huge risk. But when you're constantly surrounded by their cruelty every day, it gets hard to believe in your own dreams. We were… going to get married." Mikhail began to bring himself back down slowly now that he'd let everything out and brought his story full circle.

Artyom already knew that fact, and he had been certain that if Aleks was conscious when they rescued her, she would have shown just as much emotion towards Mikhail as he displayed for her. He had been dying inside wondering about what would happen at their eventual reunion. He rose from his chair and put both hands on the Ranger's shoulders firmly. He wouldn't let his partner sneak away and hide again. It was time to bring an end to this.

"Mikhail, you don't need to grieve for someone who's still alive, and you don't need to blame yourself for anything. She told me once that everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff… and if you don't go see her, you'll always be wondering."

Mikhail didn't reply, just wrinkled up his face with concern and anguish, taking a long minute to think about the statement while staring at the ground. Artyom could tell how badly he wanted to go see her but he was terrified that she might not remember him, and that she might not be able to return his feelings in the same way she once did. But Artyom knew better.

"You want to go see her, don't you?" He asked hopefully.

Mikhail nodded, holding his breath, his eyes still squeezed shut painfully.

"You still love her?"

Mikhail nodded again, doing his best to hold in the flood while he finally looked up at Artyom to express how sincerely he meant it.

"Always," he whispered, and Artyom was absolutely floored by the raw emotion inside his partner's eyes.

"What are you so afraid of?" Artyom didn't understand the secrecy, the apprehension. If he still loved her, how could he possibly stay away like this?

"I… I don't know if she… if she even remembers me at all she'll be angry that I fucked everything up. She won't want to see me, she won't understand what happened, she won't believe me… she'll think that I left on purpose, she'll think I forgot her on purpose. She'll be upset that I never came back." He rolled out every last reason that he'd been ruminating on for the last week. Not a single one had any ring of possibility to it, nor a ring of truth. Artyom had to tell him how wrong he was.

"I can tell you that she absolutely remembers. She misses you, Mikhail, she isn't angry about anything except that she doesn't have you anymore," he squeezed both of the Ranger's shoulders firmly.

"She… she what?" Mikhail looked confused, as if he didn't want to believe it, but the mournfulness was beginning to lift. "She told you that? You asked her?"

"Not in so many words but yeah," Artyom ventured a smile. "I didn't ask her anything. She talked about you on her own. She said you were everything to her. She's not mad at you."

"I-I don't…" Mikhail didn't know what to say. He'd spent so much time and energy convincing himself into negativity that he'd never considered that he was wrong about his assumptions. He must have gone through a lot to believe that everything would always end in failure and pain.

"Come on, it's time. I'll go in first, give her a head's up." Artyom almost wanted to take his partner's hand like a lost child. He instead patted Mikhail's arm but the heartbroken Ranger hadn't moved yet. "It'll be okay."

"But what if—?" He lifted his gaze and displayed more apprehension. Artyom could see all the questions swirling violently around in his head. Is that how he always looked to everyone else?

"You'll deal with it when you get there. If anything, just let her do the talking, she's good at that," Artyom concluded the matter succinctly and ventured a reassuring half smile.

"Yeah, she is," Mikhail let out a forced breath as if he was trying to laugh, a light was beginning to spark inside his eyes.

"Come on," Artyom prompted optimistically and gently pushed his partner out the door with a laugh. "And get out of that gear first, you look like hell!"

"Yes, sir," Mikhail said with a hint of sarcasm. He was slowly turning back into his normal self.

Artyom essentially steered his partner through the barracks and up to his own room. Mikhail took a minute to unload all the gear he had on him, eventually removing his armor and uniform jacket. Artyom helped to pick out an outfit. From the extensive selection he chose a beige colored long-sleeved shirt but said it was fine if he left his black pants and combat boots on so Aleks could tell for sure that he wasn't in the bunker by accident.

"Do you still have the red shemagh? She was asking for it," Artyom suddenly remembered its significance and how much Aleks wanted to have it back. Now Mikhail could bring it to her himself.

"Yes, here, that's the same one," Mikhail reached into a pouch on his discarded plate carrier and then handed the infamous item to Artyom, flipping it over at the last second and giving a sullen sigh. "I don't know why she had it but…"

"She said it was yours, from the Resistance," Artyom looked with alarm at the bullet hole and surrounding blood stain and then back to his partner. "Is this—?"

Mikhail pulled off the final layer of clothing and then turned to face his partner. He didn't say anything, waiting for Artyom to recognize the three round scars carved into his well-toned torso. Barely five seconds of this revelation passed before he turned back around as if he was ashamed of the markings but then Artyom saw that there were even larger scars on his back – the exit wounds.

"Fucking shit," Artyom said breathlessly, looking down at the bullet hole in the scarf again. It really was some kind of miracle that Mikhail had survived something so awful. The universe has its reasons, and everything seemed to be culminating on this very day.

"I guess they gave it to her after they shot me, fuckin' assholes," Mikhail mused quietly as he slipped on the shirt that Artyom had chosen for him, bunching up the sleeves to his elbows like he usually did but leaving the short row of buttons at the top undone.

"She wore it every day, Mikhail. I never saw her without it." Artyom professed, trying to lighten the mood again. "After the building came down, she handed me the Vintorez and her cartridge but she kept the shemagh with her."

"I guess that's good. Is this okay?" Mikhail gestured uneasily to his new attire, patting and swiping the dust off his pants as best he could.

"It'll do," he teased. The last thing that Aleks would care about when she saw him was his clothes. Artyom shook out the red shemagh and held it out to him, prompting him to wear it around his shoulders like he had with the tan colored one at Mayakovskaya.

They went over to the med bay quietly, and Artyom made some rather threatening gestures to those who looked on curiously at them. He even caught sight of Ulman in the distance who grinned and raised his fists excitedly but then immediately turned away so he wouldn't be recognized as Mikhail glanced around nervously. He had stopped in thought a few times, and almost looked as if he was going to turn around and give up as they approached the sector doors. Artyom ended up steering him again, taking him by the arm and practically dragging him along to the short row of private rooms in the ICU wing where Aleksandrya had been staying under close observation.

"What did they say about her?" Mikhail nodded towards the nurse's station, inquiring about the general prognosis. He had been so caught up in his own pain that he hadn't even dared to check in on hers.

"She'll be able to walk again after surgery and a lot of physical therapy. There's a specialist doctor coming from Hansa on Monday to operate. We all gave blood to her, too. But its slow, she's been really down, and mental health counts for a lot."

"Artyom, I don't want to make it worse." Mikhail tried to stop once more. "I can't hurt her again. She's going to see me and… she'll have to re-live everything all over again. Can't you imagine what that will do to her?"

"You're hurting both of you by not going in there," Artyom tightened his grip on Mikhail's shoulder as a signal that he wasn't going to allow him to back out of this. "I guarantee you she re-lives it anyway, and now you can be there for her when she does. And she'll be there for you. You'll get through it together. Okay?"

"Okay… I trust you," Mikhail admitted with a deep sigh, looking at all the doors not knowing which one was to her room.

"Just wait here, I'll give her a hint and you'll see how she reacts. If she's angry or doesn't want to see you, then I owe you a thousand bullets and ten extra shifts." Artyom gambled the ridiculous sum and a set of extra watch duties to express his high confidence. He left Mikhail waiting anxiously in the corridor with a supportive smile. Everything was about to change; he would bet his life on that.

Artyom knocked gently on Aleksandrya's door, listening for her invitation.

"Yeah," she said vacantly, not even looking over to see his entrance.

"Hey, Aleks," Artyom greeted her as usual, turning around to close the door to conceal the surprise guest.

"Hi Artyom. What did Melnik want? Everything okay?" She was still sitting in the chair closest to the bed, her injured leg propped up on the mattress.

"Everything's good, yeah. He just wanted an update on you and couldn't come down here himself," he lied gently. He had no idea where Katya had gone or how long ago she'd left the med bay, hopefully Aleks hadn't been alone for too long.

"Oh, that's nice," Aleks responded with little emotion.

Now Artyom felt some of Mikhail's apprehension, he was about to send her into a tailspin. He'd waited so long for this moment, unable to fully imagine how she or Mikhail would react, and now that he knew their full story, he had even less ideas. There would be a lot of tears, that was certain. At least he had already prepared himself for how he might approach this subject with her. He aimed to be as gentle as possible and not leave her blindsided, giving hints to gauge her reaction before proceeding with the reunion. There was no point in wasting any more time, so, he threw all caution to the wind and began the process.

"So, someone else has been wanting to visit you for a while now," Artyom started with a hint of a smile, trying to stay calm at least externally. He sat down in the other chair and leaned over towards her.

"What do you mean? Ulman's been here, Melnik, the girls, and you most of all, who else could possibly—?" Aleks looked over at him with concerned confusion, lifting her leg with both hands and setting it out straight in front of her.

"He was on the rescue team with us, and he's the one who carried you all the way here. You don't know him," Artyom began but then cocked his head and corrected himself, "Actually, you do."

Aleks only looked at him quizzically and almost with annoyance, she must have thought Artyom was trying to play a joke on her but that couldn't be farther from the truth. It certainly wasn't a joke or a game, and his playfulness only came from his sense of discomfort and uncertainty about how to facilitate this important event. He tried to think of a way to explain it without giving everything away prematurely, he looked over at the door where he knew Mikhail was standing right behind it and listening to everything, waiting for some kind of cue.

"It has to do with your tattoo," he hinted a little, looking up at her to see if she understood. Her hand instantly flew up to the back of her neck, giving herself away, trying to cover it as if to hide its existence.

"I don't have a… that's not funny, Artyom. You saw…? There's no way… I never even told Hunter—" Her eyes were fiery but blinking with disbelief as she shook her head angrily.

"About your sparrow?" Artyom pressed, leaning his face in with an expression that denoted that he was intentionally leading her on. He meant both the symbol and the person it represented.

"Don't… stop it. You stop it right now. Don't ever joke about—! You have no idea what that sparrow means!" Aleks clenched her other hand and started to breathe rapidly, tears began building in her eyes. Her expression mirrored Mikhail's on the railcar, stunned into a reticent silence, a thousand emotions seeping through her silver eyes. Mikhail could hear this in the hallway, right? Could he hear how passionate she was about him? She hadn't forgotten about anything, and the only anger in her voice came from the disbelief and intrusion into her privacy. And how could she take Artyom's prompts seriously if she considered her lover to be long gone?

"You keep trying to hide stuff, but I keep finding out anyway. You said you'd see him again, someday. Well, someday is today," Artyom mused softly, placing his hand over one of hers gently to try to reassure her of his sincerity. Then he smiled and called out in the direction of the door, "Any time now, Lieutenant!"

Artyom looked back at Aleks to see her expectant expression, she looked back at him intensely but he kept wearing his supportive smile. She switched her gaze to the door as the knob began to turn. It was as if time was being lazy on purpose and Artyom began to think that he shouldn't be present for this moment despite his necessary intermediation. With every inch the door moved, Aleks' face tensed up more and more until she was biting her lip and clenching both of the armrests so tightly, he thought they might crack.

Finally, the door had revealed enough of Mikhail for Aleks to recognize, and he stood motionless as if waiting for her authentication before admitting he was really there. He looked up from the floor with a fearful reservation and met her eyes reluctantly. She suddenly leapt off the chair with a pained gasp but barely even limped as she rushed towards him in two long strides. Artyom jumped up worriedly and took a step after her but Mikhail had been ready, lunging forward precisely to meet her where she had lost her strength and collapsed into him.

"Easy, Sash—" the anxious Ranger couldn't even get the words out as he caught her, maybe he wanted to call her by her new moniker instead but it didn't formulate.

"Oh my god, Mischa?!" Aleks choked out, her face already flooded with heavy waves of tears and she grasped onto Mikhail's arms as if she didn't believe he was real. She pressed her face flat against his chest, right where his heart would be, and tried to quiet herself enough to be able to speak to him. Her loud sobs were interrupted by harsh gasps for air and half-formed questions. "I saw them take you! I heard the shots! How? Why? My god, where have you—?"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sasha," Mikhail finally let out his own tears and broke up his apologies with an extremely soft version of his shushing, wrapping himself completely around her as they fell the rest of the way to the floor.

Artyom couldn't fully imagine how either of them felt but plenty of emotion was on display for him to have a good approximation. He was just happy to be able to help, happy that this was finally over, happy that he had correctly predicted this outcome. He smiled contentedly to himself as a contrast to their seriousness as he silently slipped out of the room and closed the door for them. At long last, everyone could begin to heal.