26th December 2017

"I want sex with you, Utahime."

Who else but Gojo Satoru would be so bold? He has no respect! I should have kicked him out right away, how dare he treat me like one of his flings!? But no, instead of giving him the boot, Utahime had to have an inexplicable soft spot for the strongest idiot ...

No, she corrected herself, it's more than a soft spot.

To her chagrin, she was too aware of his tall body moving behind her, could even feel his body heat from that far away. No doubt about it, Gojo Satoru's presence made her heart beat faster. And not only that... Utahime shivered, suddenly too aware of the relative shortness of her dress and the bareness of her shoulders.

Admittedly, part of her was afraid of him. When had that started? Well, he was no longer the silly, annoying oaf she knew from school. She knew exactly what kind of powers he wielded and where - or who - the source of them was. Though she didn't believe he would ever harm her directly, that didn't mean he could not harm her in other ways. People with god-like powers were unpredictable. Everybody knew that.

The other part of her wondered why casual sex was something she thought of as reprehensible instead of simply giving him what they both wanted. Why bother about clarifying where they stood with each other? Why say no only because she knew a proper relationship with a man like him was impossible? Even a relatively chaste and inexperienced woman like her knew good sex when it happened to her. And sex with Satoru Gojo was so good it shook you to your core.

No. Utahime shivered again, repressing the thoroughly inconvenient urges. Lines were drawn. I have my dignity to consider.

After switching off all the lights except for the soft golden globe lamp in the corner, Utahime sat down on her red sofa, noticing she was a little tipsy on top of being nervous - lots of wine this evening, traitorous Nanami be thanked - and blinked up at the towering Sorcerer who stood still in the shadows, facing her with a blank expression.

"Come," she whispered.

Without a word, Gojo moved onto the couch, put his head on her lap and curled up in a fetal position, his knees drawn to his chest, his hands clenched into fists.

He barely fit. No wonder, there were few things made to fit Gojo Satoru's oversized being.

An apology on her lips for things she didn't rationally need to apologize for, Utahime lifted her hand to put on his head... but stopped herself in time, reminded of the lines she did not want to cross. She imagined his eyes being shut tightly underneath his black blindfold. Would remnants of unshed tears still cling to his long silver lashes?

"Should I sing for you?" She asked quietly.

A tremor shook his curled up form but he did not answer. She noticed that Gojo did not have his Infinity up. Utahime wasn't sure what that meant... that he trusted her? That he wanted to be touched? Or that he was so exhausted he couldn't control it? Whatever it was, she was certain that putting him to sleep was the best thing to do. For him. And for her.

She chose the Takeda no Komoriuta, a famous lullaby, putting power behind the words, willing him to grow calm, calmer, fall asleep. After a while, she no longer stopped her hand from moving to his hair and began to gently stroke it instead, marveling at its familiar silky softness underneath her fingers when it looked so wiry when it stuck up into the air like a paintbrush.

She hardly ever sang for living beings. Him she had sung to before though. In her parents' house. After kissing him. It figured. The ties of destiny. Why do I keep struggling? I tried to stay away from him, but it's not possible.

Gojo's breathing was already deep and regular. It looked like he was slowly beginning to relax, the tension leaving his body little by little. Once he looked truly asleep, Utahime changed the lyrics, telling him not to blame himself for society's failings and the bad choices made by others. Telling him to live his life to the fullest, unburdened by the duties of someone as powerful as him. Telling him to be well.

Utahime's wet eyes grew heavy. She put his head back onto the sofa's backrest and fell asleep too.

###

When she jerked awake from a dream that had suddenly morphed into a nightmare, her heart pounding, it was pitch black around her. Her legs were asleep, she had no feeling in them, not even a faint tingle. Gojo is here! she remembered, feeling the weight of his head pressing down on her lap, noticing the faint traces of his scent in the air.

That aside, something else felt very wrong. Utahime tried to steady her breathing, but failed. A shiver crept up her spine. Have I switched off the lights and don't remember? Shouldn't there be street lights visible through the shades?

"Gojo?" She whispered, her hand searching for his head to move it. Her fingers hit... nothing. Has to be his Infinity! Utahime concluded after a moment of intense fear. Grasping his head didn't work, so she tried to slide to the side to free herself. But... she couldn't move. It was like something weighty was clinging to her, pulling her down into the depth of the sofa.

"Gojo?" She implored louder into the oppressive silence around her, trying not to panic. "Please wake up."

No answer. Her hands fumbled for her mobile next to her. She managed to switch on the phone's flashlight after almost dropping it twice, piercing the darkness with its white glare - which did nothing to alleviate her mounting dread, the dancing shadows looked spooky, her apartment alien.

It was Gojo next to her, deeply asleep, the air around him shimmering strangely.

But the confirmation of his presence didn't calm her down. Because something else was here too, something that clearly shouldn't be. A dark, menacing shape just where the shadows were deepest and the light couldn't reach.

Is it... a curse?! Utahime swallowed hard. Impossible! No curse would willingly seek out Gojo Satoru, not even the very powerful ones. But if it is no curse, what else is it?

"Who are you?" Utahime croaked, carefully probing the darkness with her senses. Something about this apparition felt familiar. Ancient. Dusty. Dead. It smelled like it too. Rotting.

She took a deep breath. "Go away!"

Her command rang in her ears and her throat prickled painfully from the use of that much power. The presence? Didn't budge. There was a whisper in the air and then a sudden pressure in her chest, robbing her breath away. Something brushed over her face, ice-cold like the fingers of a ghost.

"Where is it?"

The words seared through Utahime's brain like the blades of hot knives. She cried out, clutching her head in her hands, willing the evil, unwanted presence shattered and gone with all her power.

"You have no business here," she groaned, "begone!"

She began to sing, fumbling through notes and words, her brain unable to remember even the most basic of protection mantras. The ghostly fingers brushed over her face, moved down her body, probed her, then closed themselves around her neck.

The evil presence laughed. "How weak you are!"

The ghost fingers pressed down hard. Utahime gasped, struggled... feeble, pointless. No air. No breath. Was this what death felt like? The black abyss of nothingness and eternal oblivion opening up in front of her was terrifying.

Pathetic, was the last word quivering around in her brain. You're so utterly pathetic.

###

"Utahime?"

Warm fingers touched her cheek. She gasped, frantically drew in large gulps of air, opened her eyes wide... finding the bluest orbs peering down at her like twin stars dominating the world. Too close. Much too close!

"Whaaaa...," she screamed and shoved her hands against his chest so hard he lost his balance and thudded on his butt, just missing the edge of her coffee table.

"Ouch," Gojo whined. "I didn't even do anything!"

Utahime stared at him sitting unhappily on the floor like an oversized toddler, his blindfold loosely around his neck. What the fuck was happening? What day was it?! Completely disoriented, she turned her head to all sides. It was morning and not too early, it was light outside. There were no intruders. Everything looked in order. Her legs? Working just fine, a little stiff, but that was it. And her throat... she touched it, fearing to find bruises, tenderness, pain... but no. Nothing. Her throat was fine. No pain anywhere.

"Gojo," she put her hands on her head, careful to speak normally instead of sobbing hysterically. "What happened tonight?"

"Tonight?" He looked up at her dumbfounded. "Sadly, nothing happened. But for the record, your couch is too small for me. Next time, I'll sleep on the bed, thankyouverymuch."

Ignoring the "next time", Utahime took a few hasty steps towards the corner in which the nightly visitor had stood. Nothing had happened? Impossible!

"Are there remnants of any cursed energy in this apartment?" She asked. "Anything strange?"

"No?" Gojo got up and dusted off his black trousers. "Why?"

Impossible. A dream? That had been a dream?! Maybe she should try seeing a human therapist? So scary!

"Is it because you had a human here recently?" Gojo pouted. "It's not that Kenji person, right? You're over that one."

Funny that on this insane morning, Gojo sprouting bullshit didn't enrage her as it usually would. It was so... normal. Like no calamity had happened a few days ago. Like life could go on as it always had. Like she could hate his guts with no remorse. If she wanted to.

"I remember this dress," he pointed at her.

Baffled, Utahime looked down at herself. Of course, she was still wearing the black dress she had put on for the dinner with Nanami. This was "the morning after". She had let Gojo sleep here. Was she stupid?

"Over ten years ago, you wore it to go to the theater with a guy called Haruhisa, an electrical engineering student. It was the first time I saw your legs. You asked me how the Six Eyes worked and I was too tongue-tied to answer."

Utahime looked up with her mouth slightly open. "What?"

"Yeah, you made an impression on me," Gojo murmured. "Nevermind, I'm hungry. Should I make breakfast?"

Whiplash. Utahime had a problem processing what was going on. Had she thought he was normal? Too normal. She had Gojo had broken up months ago, it hadn't been pretty. Why was he acting like it had never happened?

"Gojo, you and I..."

"Whatever," he interrupted her, obviously knowing exactly what she meant to say, marching in the direction of the kitchen. "Why spoil things that are nice? Your presence calms me down, I need you right now."

Still baffled, Utahime stared at this chipper version of him. You cried last night, Gojo. Were those fake tears? I'll never forgive you if they were, you scumbag.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He began rummaging through her fridge. "You mumbled something scary before I woke you up."

"What did I mumble?"

"Don't know, it might have been in a foreign language. But you were pleading with somebody. I didn't like it."

If she had learned one thing in the past year then that nothing good came from not telling him things that might concern him.

"I did have a nightmare," she admitted haltingly. "Somebody else was here. It wasn't a curse though, it was something...," old. Very old. A bit like Michizane. "You were asleep on my lap with your Infinity up, like you sensed danger, but you were out cold, I couldn't wake you! I did sing to you, maybe that was why?"

"You did sing to me," Gojo marveled, a finger against his chin. "I remember! Is that why I feel so good this morning? Or might it be because all night, my head was so close to your coo..."

"Stop right there," Utahime warned him, watching the cheeky grin put a merry light into his amazing eyes.

"I think of you every night," he didn't look at her as he was putting eggs on the counter.

Stop. We can't start this again. I can't, Gojo. I get attached. Then you'll leave again and I'll be devastated.

"You can have breakfast. But then I want you to leave," Utahime squared her shoulders. "I still don't know what you're doing here, Gojo. I don't understand."

"But I told you!" He looked mildly offended.

"Because you want sex with me?" Utahime laughed bitterly, slinging her arms around herself. It was chilly in her apartment. "Pleeeeease, that's ridiculous."

"Why? What do you think I think about when I think of you at night?"

"Stop it! I don't believe a thing you say," Utahime pressed out, hardening her treacherous heart. "Please go get help if you need it. Maybe Shoko knows what to do, because I sure don't. I'm weak, remember? I'm not in your league."

"Oh no," Gojo's head snapped up. "I can't talk to Shoko. She started crying yesterday, I just... he was her friend too."

Shoko, crying? Utahime pressed her lips together. Poor, poor Shoko ... All those years, she had refused to give up on Geto, even after he had killed a whole village and his parents. Utahime knew that Shoko had complicated feelings for her classmate but had decided it was better not to tell him. He was too focused on the Strongest Duo dynamics, she had told Utahime back then, it was impossible to compete with that.

Utahime had never told her friend how glad she had been about that decision. Even though Geto had mostly been polite towards her, she knew that he hadn't liked her. A mutual sentiment.

"Shoko hates me now," Gojo sighed, getting a glass bowl from the cupboard.

"No," Utahime shook her head. "She would never. And you have to talk to her, she's your doctor!"

"I'm fine," Gojo's face hardened.

"Then why are you here?" Utahime exclaimed.

Gojo stilled, leveling his blue gaze on her. "You really need me to spell it out for you?"

"Yes! You and me... we're not..."

"Fine," now he sounded bitter and she braced herself. "Not even three days ago, I killed Geto Suguru, the most dangerous terrorist the Jujutsu Society had to deal with in recent memory."

"Gojo...," Utahime made a step in his direction. She did not want to hear this.

"I will tell you this once. Maybe you will understand afterwards. If not, I'll not come back."

How could his beautiful eyes turn so cold so quickly? She nodded helplessly.

"It had to be done by a Special Grade because Geto Suguru was rated the most dangerous individual alive. We're short on Special Grades, as you probably know. Like we're short on all the active Sorcerers, but that's a different story. So it had to be me - and not a single Higher-Up voiced any doubt that I'd do it. That's how obedient they know I am, despite my little rebellions."

Gojo began to crack eggs into the bowl with so much force she winced.

"It was surprisingly easy to kill him - because he was already dying and did not put up a fight. Yuta had wounded him severely: Geto's right side was shredded to pieces, he had bled heavily while waiting patiently for me to come and end him. Funny that I never thought about this? That if one of us stepped out of line, the other would have to be the executioner. He knew that of course. He probably knew from the beginning."

"Gojo," Utahime tried again, her heart aching. "You really don't have to..."

"He smiled at me, would you believe it? Like he was glad I had finally come. I wanted to say so much to him but in the end... I... I only said... He told me he could never be happy in a place like this, making it sound like he was grateful he could die. He wanted to make it easy for me, the idiot. He's always looked out for me, like a big brother even though he was younger than me."

"Gojo," Utahime stepped up to him and put an arm around his middle. "Stop."

"I just don't understand...," Gojo stopped maltreating the eggs and put his hands on her arm instead. "Where all the hate came from. It was worse than a possession. He was the kind one. I was baffled every day by the size of his heart and by his generosity. I even envied him for it, knowing I could never be like him. Because ... I'm not a good person, Utahime."

She wedged himself between himself and the counter and hugged him, her cheek against his chest. He drew in his breath sharply and shut up, for which she was grateful.

"It isn't right that they sent you to do it," she whispered.

Gojo shrugged.

"Don't blame yourself," she turned her face to look up at him.

He stared down at her, his lips a hard line.

"You asked what I want from you?" His voice sounded a little raspy. "Just to be in your vicinity. Because you are one of the rare people who see me for who I am, Utahime. When I'm with you, I feel less horribly alone. I feel that I can live on for a while longer. That's all."

Her knees turned to mush. Yes, she was weak. And this just wasn't fair, because that soft spot she had for him? It was an open wound. He thought of her at night? Well, she thought of him too. Far too often. With a mix of anger and regret, hurt and want.

Their bodies pressed against each other like this, heat flared up between them. It was such a strong physical sensation that Utahime gasped. The aqua blue of his eyes darkened visibly, making a shiver race down her spine.

"I won't touch you if you don't want me to," he whispered. "Should I leave?"

"No, stay," she pressed out, pulling his mouth down into a searing kiss, feeling him harden against her belly.

"Mmhh," he hummed, opening his lips for her.

She had missed him so much. The unmistakable taste of him, the way his tongue felt against hers, his large hands on her body, the way he started a fire inside of her that wanted to consume her. She felt ashamed that she was so needy, already wet from the anticipation, soaking through her panties and pantyhose. She was giving herself to him willingly, yet was absolutely certain she'd regret it. Was she able to step away? No.

Gojo grabbed her hips and lifted her up onto the kitchen counter, swiftly moving the bowl with the eggs out of the way.

"You are the most beautiful woman on earth," he murmured, pushing the black dress up her legs, clawing clumsily at her pantyhose. "And yes, I wanted sex with you from the very first time I saw you, and want sex with you every day for the rest of my life."

"Shut up," she moaned when his thumbs began circling her throbbing pussy.

"How do I get this off," he sounded a little desperate so she helped him by lifting her butt and he managed to rip off pantyhose and panties almost at the same time as he dropped his black pants, freeing his raging hard-on. Suddenly overwhelmed, Utahime shut her eyes tightly.

"Look at me," he demanded. "Utahime, look at me."

Those eyes that saw so much more than normal eyes shone like little suns, capturing her attention. These were eyes to drown in. She might as well drown.

"What are you afraid of?" He pulled her body closer, rubbed the tip of his erection against her opening.

You. This. Everything.

"Did I hurt you last time?"

She shook her head, gasping when he pushed forward slowly. It hurt, it would always hurt, he was that big. But it hurt in a way that made her toes curl and her teeth chatter. The warmth of him enveloped her fully and she threw her head back, arching her back when he pressed forward with a grunt.

"Utahime," he moaned. "Sorry, I won't last long. You feel too good."

Had somebody designed this kitchen counter at the exact right height for him to penetrate her like this? She linked her ankles around his butt, feeling him all the way inside of her, the smallest movement of her hips sending waves of sensation into her belly.

"Utahime," he breathed, pressing his warm lips against her throat, "can we stay like this forever?"

She rocked her hips, harder, faster, chasing her own pleasure mercilessly and he let her, grabbing her hips a little more tightly, moaning a little more helplessly with every tightening of her pussy. If nothing else, I can at least get this, she thought viciously. The Strongest's dick at my mercy.

Her orgasm hit her hard and fast and she rode it higher and highter until he came too, jerking and milking himself dry by slamming in and out of her until he was done.

"Wow," he laughed meekly, slumping against her. "Wow."

Yes, wow. And stupid. She had forgotten about protection again. If he was going to come around more often, she'd better buy condoms.

He slid out of her and staggered backwards.

"I buried Geto's body in Okinawa," he said, pulling up his trousers and the blindfold from around his neck over his eyes. "It was the last time we were happy together."

Utahime stared at him.

"Why... why are you telling me that?"

"Isn't that what everybody wants to know? Isn't that why Nanami and you acted out that little charade last night?"

"No," she pressed out. "No."

"It's fine, Utahime," the faint smile on his lips looked sad. "I don't blame you. You admitted on my birthday that you would betray me again, remember? I'm not stupid. Let's agree that I will use you and you can use me. No hard feelings. And it's better than nothing."

She should have told him that he was mistaken, that betraying him was the last thing on her mind, that she didn't care in the least where Geto's body was... but she couldn't get a single word out, because he was right. She had betrayed his trust before and could not possibly assure him she would not do it again without lying to his face.

"You mean a lot to me, Gojo Satoru," she said, sliding off the kitchen counter, feeling small and rotten.

He laughed briefly. "Right. The eggs were meant for omelettes, but I'm not hungry anymore. Bye, Utahime."

She could have stopped him on his way to the door, where he collected his shoes before teleporting away. She felt like crying but decided against the self-indulgence of self-pity.

There were several missed calls from Gakuganji and a message from Nanami on her phone, received over an hour ago: "I am sorry for what happened last night, Senpai. Will you let me explain?"

Her turn to leave someone on read.

"Okinawa," Utahime wrote a message to Shoko. "He says that's where the body is. Will Gojo be alright?"

She watched the three moving dots for several minutes, waiting for Shoko to type her reply, but it never came.