We're Wizards, Not Warriors: What If

Volume 7:

Chapter 35: Jabba's Palace

Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine with his brother Sam in an attempt to rescue Han Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt. Little do they know that the Galactic Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of Rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy….

….

We see a monstrous, half-completed Death Star, its massive superstructure curling away from the completed section like the arms of a giant octopus. Beyond, in benevolent contrast, floats the small, green moon of Endor.

An Imperial Star Destroyer moves overhead toward the massive armored space station, followed by two zipping TIE fighters. A small Imperial shuttle rockets from the main bay of the ship and hustles toward the Death Star.

The shuttle captain makes contact with the Death Star.

"Command station, this is ST 321. Code Clearance Blue. We're starting our approach. Deactivate the security shield", the Shuttle Captain said.

"The security deflector shield will be deactivated when we have confirmation of your code transmission. Stand by…. You're clear to proceed."

Operators move about among the control panels. A shield operator hits switches beside a large screen, on which is a display of the Death Star, the moon Endor, and a bright web delineating the invisible deflector shield.

A control officer rushes over to the shield operator.

The officer said, "inform the commander that Lord Vader's shuttle has arrived."

The operator said, "yes, sir."

The control officer moves to a view port and watches as the Imperial shuttle lands in the massive docking bay. A squad of Imperial stormtroopers moves into formation before the craft.

….

The Death Star Commander, Moff Jerjerrod, a tall, confident technocrat, strides through the assembled troops to the base of the shuttle ramp. The troops snap to attention; many are uneasy about the new arrival. But the Death Star commander stands arrogantly tall.

The exit hatch of the shuttle opens with a hiss, revealing only darkness. Then, heavy footsteps and mechanical breathing. From this black void appears Vader. Vader looks over the assemblage as he walks down the ramp.

He whispered, "damned Malakis."

Jerjerrod said, "Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure. We're honored by your presence."

Vader said, "you may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I wish this damned thing didn't even exist. But Malakis has made me come here to put you back on schedule."

The commander turns ashen and begins to shake.

"I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can", Jerjerrod said.

"They best hurry, or else they will face Malakis' wrath, which I do not want for these men", Vader said.

Jerjerrod said, "I tell you, this station will be operational as planned."

Vader said, "sadly, the Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation."

Jerjerrod said, "but he asks the impossible. I need more men."

Vader said, "then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives."

Jerjerrod asked in fear, "the Emperor's coming here?"

Vader said, "that is correct, Commander. And sad to say, he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress."

Jerjerrod said, "we shall double our efforts."

Vader said, "I hope so, Commander, for your sake. As well as any other innocent men on this station. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am."

….

Meanwhile on Tatooine….

A lonely, windswept road meanders through the desolate Tatooine terrain. We hear a familiar beeping and a distinctive reply before catching sight of R2 and C3-P0, making their way along the road toward the ominous palace of Jabba the Hutt.

C3-P0 said, "of course I'm worried. And you should be, too. This plan to return to this awful place. Oh!"

R2 whistles timidly.

Lola, who was flying alongside the droids, beeped.

C3-P0 said, "don't be so sure. If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd both probably short-circuit."

The two droids fearfully approach the massive gate to the palace.

C3-P0 said; "are you sure this is the right place? I better knock, I suppose."

C3-P0 looks around for some kind of signaling device, then timidly knocks on the iron door.

"There doesn't seem to be anyone there. Let's go back and tell Master Luke", C3-P0 said.

A small hatch in the middle of the door opens and a spidery mechanical arm, with a large electronic eyeball on the end, pops out and inspects the three droids.

It said, "tee chuta hhat yudd!"

C3-P0 said, "goodness gracious me!"

C3-P0 points to R2, Lola, then to himself.

C3-P0 said, "Artoo Detoowha, Lolaia, bo Seethreepiowha ey toota odd mischka Jabba du Hutt."

The eye looks from one robot to the other, there is a laugh then the eye zips back into the door. The hatch slams shut. R2 and Lola beep their concern.

"I don't think they are going to let us in Artoo and Lola. We'd better go", C3-P0 said.

R2 and Lola beep their reluctance as C3-P0 turns to leave. Suddenly the massive door starts to rise with a horrific metallic screech. The robots turn back and face an endless black cavity. The droids look at one another, afraid to enter.

R2 and Lola start forward into the gloom. C3-P0 rushes after his companions. The door lowers noisily behind them.

"Artoo, Lola, wait. Oh, dear! Artoo. Artoo, I really don't think we should rush into all this", C3-P0 said.

Lola and R2 continue down the corridor, with C3-P0 following.

C3-P0 said, "oh, Artoo! Lola, wait for me!"

The door slams shut with a loud crash that echoes throughout the dark passageway. The frightened robots are met by two giant, green Gamorrean Guards, who fall in behind them. C3-P0 glances quickly back at the two lumbering brutes, then back to R2 and Lila. One guard grunts an order. R2 beeps nervously.

C3-P0 exclaimed, "just you deliver Master Luke's message and get us out of here. Oh my! Oh! Oh, no!"

Walking toward them out of the darkness is Bib Fortuna, a humanlike alien with long tentacles protruding from his skull.

Bib said, "Rie Wanna Wanga!"

C3-P0 said, "oh, my! Die Wanna Wauaga. We- we bring a message to your master,

Jabba the Hutt."

R2 and Lola let out a series of beeps.

C3-P0 said, "... And a gift…. Gift, what gift?"

Bib shakes his head negatively.

Bib said, "nee Jabba no badda. Me chaade su goodie."

Bib holds out his hand toward R2 and the tiny droid backs up a bit, letting out a protesting array of squeaks. C3-P0 turns to the strange-looking alien.

"He says that our instructions are to give it only to Jabba himself", C3-P0 said.

Bib thinks about this for a moment.

"I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid he's ever so stubborn about these sorts of things", C3-P0 said.

Bib gestures for the droids to follow.

"Nudd Chaa", Bib said.

The droids follow the tall, tentacled alien into the darkness, trailed by the two guards.

"Artoo, Lola, I have a bad feeling about this", C3-P0 whispered.

The throne room is filled with the vilest, most grotesque creatures ever conceived in the universe. R2, Lola and C3-P0 seem very small as they pause in the doorway to the dimly lit chamber. Light shafts partially illuminate the drunken courtiers as Bib Fortuna crosses the room to the platform upon which rests the leader of this nauseating crowd: Jabba the Hutt. The monarch of the galactic underworld is a repulsive blob of bloated fat with a maniacal grin. Chained to the horrible creature is the beautiful Twi'lek dancer named Oola. At the foot of the dais sits an obnoxious birdlike creature, Salacious crumb. Bib whispers something in the slobbering degenerate's ear. Jabba laughs horribly, at the two terrified droids before him. Threepio bows politely.

Lola looks around and sees Eda and Padme in skimpy red and black dancing outfits, standing beside a few other dancers named Greeta, Lyn Me, and Rystáll Sant.

C3-P0 said, "good morning."

Jabba said, "Bo Shuda!"

The robots jump forward to stand before the repulsive, loose-skinned villain.

C3-P0 said, "the message, Artoo, the message."

R2 whistles, and a beam of light projects from his domed head, creating a hologram of Luke and Sam on the floor. The image grows to over ten feet tall, and the two young Jedi towers over the space gangsters.

Luke said, "greetings, Exalted One. Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Luke and San Skywalker, Jedi Knight, Grand Master and friends to Captain Solo."

Sam said, "we know that you are powerful, given how our father saved your son, mighty Jabba, and that your anger with Solo must be equally powerful. We seek an audience with Your Greatness to bargain for Solo's life."

Luke said, "with your wisdom, we're sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to avoid any unpleasant confrontation."

Sam said, "as a token of our goodwill, we present to you a gift: these two droids."

C3-P0 is startled by this announcement and yells, "what did he say?"

"... Both are hardworking and will serve you well", Luke said.

"This can't be! Artoo, you're playing the wrong message", C3-P0 said.

Luke and Sam's holograms disappear.

Jabba laughs while Bib speaks to him in Huttese.

"There will be no bargain", Jabba said in his own language.

"We're doomed", C3-P0 said.

"I will not give up my favorite decoration. I like Captain Solo where he is", Jabba said in his own language.

Jabba laughs hideously and looks toward an alcove beside the throne.

Hanging high, flat against the wall, exactly as we saw him last, is a carbonized Han Solo.

C3-P0 said, "Lola, Artoo, look! Captain Solo. And he's still frozen in carbonite."

One of Jabba's Gamorrean guards marches R2, Lola and C3-P0 down a dank, shadowy passageway lined with holding cells. The cries of unspeakable creatures bounce off the cold stone walls. Occasionally a repulsive arm or tentacle grabs through the bars at the hapless droids. R2 beeps pitifully as Lola quickly hides inside of a compartment on the astromech's back.

C3-P0 said, "what could possibly have come over Master Luke and Master Sam. Is it something I did? They never expressed any unhappiness with my work. Oh! Oh! Hold it! Ohh!"

A large tentacle wraps around his neck. He manages to break free, and they move on to a door at the end of the corridor.

The door slides open, revealing a room filled with steam and noisy machinery. The guard motions them into the boiler room, where they are met by a tall, thin humanlike robot named EV-9D9. Behind the robot can be seen a torture rack pulling the legs off a screaming baby work droid. A second power droid is upside down. As smoking branding irons are pressed into his feet, the stubby robot lets out an agonized electronic scream. R2, Lola and C3-P0 cringe as the guard grunts to EV-9D9.

EV-9D9 asked, "ah, good. New acquisitions. You are a protocol droid, are you not?"

"I am See-Threepio, human-cy….", C3-P0 said before EV-9D9 cut him off.

"Yes or no will do", EV-9D9 said.

"Oh well, yes", C3-P0 said.

EV-9D9 asked, "how many languages do you speak?

"I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and can readily….", C3-P0 said.

"Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him", EV-9D9 said.

C3-P0 asked, "disintegrated?"

"Guard! This protocol droid might be useful. Fit him with a restraining bolt and take him back to His Excellency's main audience chamber", EV-9D9 said to a Gamorrean guard.

The guard shoves C3-P0 toward the door.

C3-P0 yelled, "Artoo, don't leave me! Ohhh!"

R2 lets out a plaintive cry as the door closes. Then he beeps angrily.

EV-9D9 said, "you're a feisty little one, but you'll soon learn some respect. I have need for you on the master's Sail Barge. And I think you'll fit in nicely."

R2 discreetly lets Lola fly out of his back compartment and she quickly hides before flying back towards the throne room when no-one is looking.

The poor work droid in the background lets out another tortured electronic scream.

….

Meanwhile back in the throne room….

The court of Jabba the Hutt is in the midst of a drunken, raucous party. Sloppy, smelly monsters cheer and make rude noises as Oola, Eda, Padme and a fat female dancer perform in front of Jabba's throne.

Jabba leers at the dancers and with a lustful gleam in his eye beckons Oola to come and sit with him. She stops dancing and backs away, shaking her head.

Jabba gets angry and points to a spot next to him as he yells, "da eitha!"

Oola shakes her head again and screams, "na Chuba negatorie Na! Na! Natoota…."

Eda and Padme give worried looks.

Jabba is furious and pulls her toward him, tugging on the chain.

Jabba yelled, "boscka!"

But just as he is about to push a button on his throne, a gunshot is heard!

Oola quickly hides near Eda and Padme as an unnatural quiet sweeps the boisterous gathering. On the far side of the room, the crush of debauchers moves aside to allow the approach of two guards followed by Boushh, an oddly cloaked bounty hunter, leading his captive, Han Solo's copilot, Chewbacca!

Bib takes his place next to his disgusting master, and whispers into his ear, pointing at Chewbacca and the bounty hunter. Jabba listens intently, then the bounty hunter bows before the gangster and speaks a greeting in a strange, electronically processed tongue.

"I have come for the bounty on this Wookiee", Boushh said in Ubese.

C3-P0 said, "oh, no! Chewbacca!"

"At last we have the mighty Chewbacca", Jabba said in Huttesse.

Jabba lets out a loud, long, blood-curdling laugh and turns to C3-P0, waving him closer. The reluctant droid obeys.

C3-P0 stuttered, "oh, uh, yes, uh, I am here, Your Worshipfulness. Uh…. Yes!"

Jabba continues speaking, as C3-P0 nervously translates. Boushh listens, studying the dangerous creatures around the room. He notices Boba Fett standing near the door.

C3-P0 said, "oh. The illustrious Jabba bids you welcome and will gladly pay you the reward of twenty-five thousand."

Boushh said in Ubese, "I want fifty thousand. No less."

Jabba immediately flies into a rage, knocking the golden droid off the raised throne into a clattering heap on the floor. Boushh adjusts his weapon as Jabba raves in Huttese and C3-P0 struggles back onto the throne. The disheveled droid tries to compose himself.

C3-P0 said, "uh, oh…. But what, what did I say? Uh, the mighty Jabba asks why he must pay fifty thousand?"

The bounty hunter holds up a small silver ball in his hand. C3-P0 looks at it, then looks at Jabba, then back to the bounty hunter. The droid is very nervous and Jabba is getting very impatient.

C3-P0 yelled, "because he's holding a thermal detonator!"

The guards instantly back away, as do most of the other monsters in the room. Jabba stares at the silver ball, which begins to glow in the bounty hunter's hand. The room has fallen into a tense hush. Jabba stares at the bounty hunter malevolently until a sly grin creeps across his vast mouth and he begins to laugh.

"This bounty hunter is my kind of scum. Fearless and inventive", Jabba said in Huttesse.

"Jabba offers the sum of thirty-five. And I suggest you take it", C3-P0 said.

Bib and the other monsters study the bounty hunter and wait for his reaction. Boushh releases a switch on the thermal detonator and it goes dead.

"Zeebuss", Boushh said.

C3-P0 said, "he agrees!"

The raucous crowd of monsters erupts in a symphony of cheers and applause as the party returns to its full noisy pitch. Chewbacca growls. As he is led away we spot Lando, disguised as a skiff guard in a partial face mask. The band starts up and dancing girls take the center of the floor, to the hoots of the loudly appreciative creatures.

Boushh leans against a column with gunfighter cool and surveys the scene, his gaze stopping only when it connects with a glare from across the room. Boba Fett is watching him. Boushh shifts slightly, cradling his weapon lovingly. Boba Fett shifts with equally ominous arrogance.

….

Gamorrean guards lead Chewie down the same hallway we saw before. When a tentacle reaches out at the Wookiee, Chewie's ferocious roar echoes against the walls and the tentacle snaps back into its cell in terror. It takes all the guards to hurl Chewie roughly into a cell, slamming the door behind him. Chewie lets out a pathetic howl and bangs on the iron door.

….

The palace is sitting in the light of the double sunset. On the road in front, a large toad-like creature flicks its tongue out for a desert rodent and burps in satisfaction.

….

Silence. The room is deserted, only the awful debris of the alien celebration giving mute witness to the activity here before. Several drunk creatures lie unconscious around the room, snoring loudly.

A shadowy figure moves stealthily among the columns at the perimeter of the room and is revealed to be Boushh, the bounty hunter. He picks his way carefully through the snoring, drunken monsters.

Han Solo, the frozen space pirate, hangs spotlighted on the wall, his coffin-like case suspended by a force field. The bounty hunter deactivates the force field by flipping a control switch to one side of the coffin. The heavy case slowly lowers to the floor of the alcove.

Boushh steps up to the case, studying Han, and then turns to the controls on the side of the coffin. He activates a series of switches and, after one last hesitant look at Han, slides the de-carbonization lever. The case begins to emit a sound as the hard shell covering the contours of Han's face begins to melt away. The bounty hunter watches as Han's body is freed of its metallic coat and his forearms and hands, previously raised in reflexive protest, drop slackly to his side. His face muscles relax from their mask of horror. He appears quite dead.

Boushh's ugly helmet leans close to Han's face listening for the breath of life. Nothing. He waits. Han's eyes pop open with a start and he begins coughing. The bounty hunter steadies the staggering man.

"Just relax for a moment. You're free of the carbonite", Boushh said.

Han touches his face with his hand and moans.

"Shhh. You have hibernation sickness", Boushh said.

"I can't see", Han said.

"Your eyesight will return in time", Boushh said.

Han asked, "where am I?"

"Jabba's palace", Boushh said.

Han asked, "who are you?"

The bounty hunter reaches up and lifts the helmet from his head, revealing the beautiful face of Leia.

"Someone who loves you", Leia said softly.

Han said, "Leia!"

The two share a kiss.

"I gotta get you outta here", Leia said.

As Leia helps her weakened lover to stand up, the relative quiet is pierced by an obscene Huttese Cackle from the other side of the alcove.

"What's that? I know that laugh", Han said.

The curtain on the far side of the alcove opens, revealing Jabba the Hutt, surrounded by Bib and other aliens. He laughs again, and his gross cronies join in a cacophony of alien glee.

"Hey, Jabba. Look, Jabba, I was just on my way to pay you back, but I got a little sidetracked. It's not my fault.", Han said.

"It's too late for that, Solo. You may have been a good smuggler, but now you're Bantha fodder", Jabba laughs in Huttese.

Han said, "look…."

Jabba said in Huttese, "take him away!"

The guards grab Han and start to lead him away.

Han said, "Jabba…. I'll pay you triple! You're throwing away a fortune here. Don't be a fool!"

Han is dragged off, as Lando quickly moves forward and attempts to lead Leia away.

Jabba said in Huttese, "bring her to me."

Jabba chuckles as Lando and a second guard drag the beautiful young princess toward him. C3-P0 peeks from behind a monster and quickly turns away in disgust.

Leia growled, "we have powerful friends. You're gonna regret this…."

Jabba said in Huttese, "I'm sure."

Inexorably her lovely face moves to within a few inches of Jabba's ugly blob of a head, and Leia turns away in disgust.

Leia groaned, "ugh!"

C3-P0 said, "ohhh, I can't bear to watch."

….

The heavy metal door of the dungeon whines and slowly creaks open. A guard throws the blinded star captain into the dark cell and the door slams shut behind him, leaving only a thin sliver of light from a crack in the door. Han is trying to collect himself when suddenly a growl is heard from the far side of the cell. He jumps back against the cell door and listens.

Han asked, "Chewie? Chewie, is that you?"

The shadowy figure lets out a crazy yell and races toward Han, lifting him off the ground with a big hug that carries them into the light, revealing Chewie.

Han said, "ah! Chewie! Chewie!"

The giant Wookiee barks with glee.

Han asked, "wait. I can't see, pal. What's goin' on?"

Chewie barks an excited blue streak.

Han said, "Sam? Luke? They're crazy. They can't even take care of themselves, much less rescue anybody."

Chewie barks a reply.

Han said, "G-Grand Master…. A Jedi Knight? I-I'm out of it for a little while, everybody gets delusions of grandeur."

Chewie growls insistently. He holds Han to his chest and pets his head.

Han said, "I'm alright, pal. I'm all right."

….

Noisily, the main gate lifts to flood the blackness with blinding light and reveal the silhouetted figures of Luke and Sam. Luke is clad in a robe similar to Ben's and wears neither pistol nor laser sword.

Sam wears robes much like that of Revan, minus the mask and chest armor. He also had no weapon on him.

They stride purposefully into the hallway. Two giant guards move to block their path. They halt.

Sam held up his hand and said, "you want to go get a drink at the nearest town."

The guards grunted before walking right past them. The two young Jedi move on down the hallway.

Bib Fortuna appears out of the gloom. He speaks to Luke and Sam as they approach each other, but the brothers don't stop and Bib must reverse his direction and hurry alongside the young Jedi in order to carry on the conversation. Several other guards fall in behind them in the darkness.

Luke said, "we must speak with Jabba."

Bib answers in Huttese, shaking his head in denial. Luke stops and stares at Bib; he raises his hand slightly.

Luke said, "you will take us to Jabba now!"

Bib turns in hypnotic response to Luke's command, and Luke follows him into the gloom.

Sam said, "you serve your master well. And you will be rewarded."

….

Jabba is asleep on his throne, with Leia and Oola lying in front of him. Salacious sits by Jabba's tail, watching it wriggle. Leia is now dressed in the skimpy golden bikini of a dancing girl; a chain runs from a

manacle/necklace at her throat to her new master, Jabba the Hutt.

C3-P0 stands behind Jabba as Bib comes up to the gangster slug.

C3-P0 Said, "at last! Master Luke's come to rescue me."

"Master", Bib said.

Jabba awakens with a start and Bib continues, in Huttese.

"... Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight. Sam Skywalker Grand master", Bib said.

Jabba said in Huttese, "I told you not to admit them."

Luke said, "we must be allowed to speak."

Bib said in Huttese, "they must be allowed to speak."

Jabba, furious, clobbers Bib and shoves him away.

Jabba said in Huttese, "you weak-minded fool! He's using an old Jedi mind trick."

Luke and Sam stare hard at Jabba.

"You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to us", Luke said.

"Your mind powers will not work on me, boy", Jabba said in Huttese.

Sam said, "Jabba, surely we can negotiate. I mean, our father saved your son after all."

Jabba's laugh is mean and loud.

Luke said, "nevertheless, we're taking Captain Solo and our friends. You can either profit by this…. Or be destroyed!"

Sam said, "it's your choice. But I warn you not to underestimate our powers."

C3-P0 attempts to warn Luke and Sam about the pit, "Master Luke, you're standing on…."

Jabba said in Huttese, "there will be no bargain, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you both die."

Luke reaches out, and a pistol jumps out of a guard's holster and flies into Luke's hand. The bewildered guard grabs for it as Jabba raises his hand.

Jabba yelled, "Bascka!"

The floor suddenly drops away, sending Luke, Sam and the hapless guard into the pit. The pistol goes off, blasting a hole in the ceiling. Jabba laughs and his courtiers join in.

He then suddenly pushes Oola down into the pit! Oola screams in terror!

Leia starts forward but is restrained by a human guard- Lando, recognizable behind his mask. She looks at him and he shakes his head no.

….

Luke, Sam and the guard have dropped twenty-five feet from a chute into the

dungeon-like cage. Luke and Sam get to their feet as the guard yells hysterically for help.

Oola screams as she falls into the pit!

Sam quickly jumped into the air and caught her!

Sam then landed on his feet.

Oola then looked up at Sam. She had stars in her eyes as her heart raced and her cheeks grew warm.

Sam asked, "are you okay?"

Oola was about to say something when C3-P0 shouted.

"Oh no! The Rancor!"

A crowd gathers up around the edge of the pit as the door on the side of the pit starts to rumble open. The guard screams in panic.

Luke and Sam look calmly around for a means of escape.

At the side of the pit, an iron door rumbles upward and a giant, fanged Rancor emerges. The guard runs to the side of the pit and tries futilely to scramble to the top. The hideous beast closes in on him.

The Rancor moves past Luke and Sam, and as the guard continues to scramble, the Rancor picks him up and pops him into its slavering jaws. A few screams, and the guard is swallowed with a gulp. The audience cheers and laughs at the guard's fate.

The Rancor then turns and spots Sam and Oola.

Sam sets Oola down and quickly transforms into his beast form.

Oola gasped as Sam leaped at the Rancor.

The Rancor and Sam began to duel.

Sam scratched at the Rancor's face. The Rancor roared in pain. Sam managed to knock one of the Rancor's teeth out!

Oola watched in awe. Sam was like her knight in shining armor.

Sam then held the Rancor down.

He yelled, "Luke! Get to the door controls!"

Luke nods his head as he runs to the door controls.

Sam kept the Rancor down.

Luke works the controls as the giant overhead door comes crashing down on the beast's head, squashing it like a sledgehammer on an egg.

A startled gasp is heard from the stunned court. There's consternation at this turn of events. Heads look to Jabba, who is actually turning red with anger. Leia cannot suppress her joy. Jabba utters harsh commands to his guards and they hurry off.

Jabba yelled in Huttese subtitled, "bring me Solo und da Wookiee! They will all suffer for this outrage!"

The Rancor Keepers have come into the cage and are examining their dead beast. One of them breaks down and weeps.

The other glares menacingly at Luke, who is unworried. Sam stands protecting in front of Oola as several guards rush into the holding tunnel and take the three away.

The crowd of creepy courtiers parts as Han and Chewie are brought into the throne room, and other guards drag Luke, Sam and Oola up the steps.

Luke and Sam said, "Han!"

Han said, "Sam! Luke!"

Luke asked, "are you alright?"

Han said, "fine. Together again, huh?"

Luke said, "wouldn't miss it."

Han asked, "how are we doing?"

Sam said, "the same as always."

Han said, "that bad, huh? Where's Leia?"

Luke looks to Leia. Sam cringed when he saw his sister in the golden bikini.

Leia said, "I'm here."

C3-P0 is standing behind the grotesque gangster as he strokes Leia like a pet cat. Several of the guards, including Lando, bring Luke, San and Oola from the other side of the room. Boba is standing behind Jabba. Eda and Padme stand near the other dancers. Lola is hiding on a nearby rafter.

C3-P0 steps forward and translates for the captives, "oh, dear. His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately."

Han groaned, "good, I hate long waits."

"You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc", C3-P0 said.

"Doesn't sound too bad", Han said to Luke and Sam.

"In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over a thousand years", C3-P0 said.

Now that scared Han, Sam and Luke.

Han said, "on second thought, let's pass on that, huh?"

Chewie barks in agreement.

"You should have bargained, Jabba. That's the last mistake you'll ever make", Luke said.

Jabba cackles evilly at this.

As the guards drag the prisoners from the throne room, a loud cheer rises from the crowd. Leia, Padme, Eda and Chewie exchange concerned looks, but Luke and Sam, cannot suppress a pair of smiles.

….

Reviews:

SuperSenti199: me too. It is one of our best moments we wrote.

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