Chapter 15
Granger seems to be attracted to something in every single booth we pass, buying little trinkets and shoving them into that bag of hers. My whining finally works and wrestles her away to a tent that's serving food and drinks for a little break. Warm pot pies and some type of special fuzzy drink are delivered to us and we begin to dig in. Of course, it's not long before she has to start asking questions.
"So, you seem to be doing good today. Wouldn't happen to be because you took the potion would it?"
Her questioning look dissipates as I pull the vial out and shake it a little before putting it back. "No, I didn't take any of it. Can't I just be having a good day?"
"Well, at least you didn't chuck it the minute you got home. And you could be having a good day, it would just be better if you were sober."
"See, the problem is that you don't know how fun things are when you're NOT sober," I respond as I smirk and point my fork at her.
"I have plenty of fun without anything altering my experiences. I'm enjoying today just fine and there's absolutely no chemicals affecting that. Well, I guess now whatever this drink is but that's not…well you know what it's not."
"Perhaps you're having fun because you've been spending the day with me instead of Pothead and Weaselbee."
"I don't spend all of my time with them you know. I have other friends and co-workers…and well I'm not alone."
"Neither am I. That doesn't mean I'm not having a good time today because it's being spent with you."
Her eyes feel like lasers on the top of my head as I continue to eat pretending that what just came out my mouth was nothing significant. The words didn't even process before they came tumbling out which is odd for me. Usually, my thoughts are very calculated but for some reason that was not. Must be the drink.
"Well, that's very sweet Malfoy. I have to say I have been having a good time with you. Thanks for walking around with me, I know you probably had other things to do."
"Actually my whole plan was to just walk around and hopefully not get mobbed for daring to be out in public. Thanks for unintentionally warding off the masses for me by the way."
The little giggle she gives draws out a sigh of relief that she's not misconstruing anything. We both finish our food and drinks, her feeling the drink a little more than me and go to head out. The day has started giving into dusk with bright oranges and pinks covering the sky. There's music lilting on the breeze and for once it's not in my head.
"Oh Malfoy! Look they are going to wrap the Maypole! Come on!"
Her pull is stronger than expected as she hauls me over to the Maypole. A green ribbon is placed in my hand as she runs to the other side to grab a red one. Suddenly the music changes and the crowds starts to clap along as our circle starts to rotate to the music. We twist and turn to the melody and although there are many dancing with us, Granger seems to have her own aurora pulsing around her keeping my attention. The colors make an intricate design down the pole as the song starts to play faster and my ribbon gets shorter. As the last bit of ribbon falls from my hand Granger ends up standing right in front of me, flower petals strewn all around. My ears are ringing as she claps and laughs brightly looking ever the fairy in the moment. Sound rushes back as the crowd starts to whoop and holler at the finishing look of the pole and it's too much to handle. There's so many people and so much noise and it's all too much to process. Quickly finding a small path through the throng of bodies I find my self quickly walking to a nearby bathroom stall.
"Malfoy! Wait!"
"Granger, I'll catch up with you in just a bit."
"No wait! Where are you going?" She asks as her hand grabs mine and spins me around.
"Granger I just need a breather ok. I'll find you."
"A breather? What's wrong? I thought you were having a good time."
My hair is feeling sticky with sweat as I shove some behind my ear, "Yeah it's a great time. Just give me a moment ok?"
Turning back towards the stall I hear her small voice, "You're going to use aren't you?"
Stopping dead in my tracks, my hands squeeze until the bite of my nails digs into my palm. Why does that disappointment in her voice affect me so much to elicit this kind of reaction? It's just one day that we've spent together, nothing substantial. She's just my therapist. No promises were made about me being sober today. Swiftly turning back to her, my heart almost stops at the look of sorrow in her gaze. This is absurd, she can't be the reason for this feeling. I just need a hit.
"Granger, I never promised to be sober today. Things were going good but then…listen I will only be a minute it's not a big deal."
She takes a step towards me, "Then what Malfoy? Talk to me. You don't need it we can work through it together if you just…"
My sharp laugh cuts her off, "Don't need it? Are you mental? You talk like you know something about addiction, but you know nothing. There is no working through this and even if there was, I would have to want to right? Well I don't want to. So either wait just a minute or go on and I'll see you at our next appointment."
Stalking off into the stall ignoring her call for me, my hands shake rattling the knob on the stall as it jerks open. The bag almost drops from my grip as my palms start to collect sweat. Times like this make it difficult to get a hit when my body is overwhelmed with emotion and tight all over. The noise and the sounds take me back to times that I can't forget and there's only one solution to drown it all out. There is no point in breaking out a line since experience tells me it'll end up scattered and possibly wasted falling to the floor. Dipping the straw into the bag instead, my breathing steadies before pulling a strong sniff. The burn is immediate and strangely calming as it takes away any other overloading sensations. My heart races faster but not with anxiety as before but with anticipation of another hit. Three more to be exact before the bag is safely tied and stored away back in my vest. Splashing cool water on my face my reflection staring back at me with disgust. Usually this makes my night, but for some reason her expectations of me weigh harder at my failure.
Shaking myself one last time and plastering on a smile, I step out of the stall into the open. But she's gone. Of course she would be, just like everyone else. No one can accept this as part of me so why did my rational mind expect her to?
Shoving my hands into my pockets, my feet quickly take me to the twins shop where there are still loads of customers despite the hours of the festival winding down. He understands when my head nods towards the stairs of the store and continue on my way to their office. There office is so disorganized but the one thing always easy to find is the weed stashed in the bottom right-hand drawer of Fred's desk. Packing in his bright green and pink bowl my mind wanders again to Granger's face when she realized what going to the bathroom meant for me. Of course she would pick up on what was going on she's not an idiot, never has been. The bowl pulls easily hit after hit until what's left is nothing but ash. The buzz isn't doing anything to my mood and my mind is only racing more with something akin to regret. I've never felt bad for doing drugs until now and I don't like the feeling one bit.
There's only one way to get over this feeling though. Rationally, the corner of my mind whispers the answer is to seek out Granger, but the forefront screams to do more. So after popping into my room and stripping down to my boxers, that's exactly what I do.
**Sorry for the short update. Life has been really hectic lately.***
