I do NOT own South Park. All rights go to Comedy Central, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Story takes place shortly after the events of Kenny Dies but also includes a minor amount of Stick of Truth stuff.
Warning: This is gonna be REALLY dark. This first chapter isn't all that grim, but it'll get a lot more screwed-up later on. I don't recommend reading this if you're squeamish.
...
The final battle had begun! The Wizard King's forces had begun to lay siege to the Drow Elves Headquarters. If the Wizard's forces managed to successfully gain the Stick of Truth, then the Elves's lives would be forfeit and darkness would cover all the land.
Yet hope remained, for if the Wizard were to be slain during the battle, his forces would fall into dissaray, and would have no choice but to retreat. His forces were already weakened by the passing of the Princess a week ago, and the Wizard had no worthy replacement for his Second-in-Command.
Despite the stakes, the Elf-King bore no fear, for he not only had confidence in his own power, but with the combined power of himself, the Bard, and his top Ranger, the Wizard and his Paladin would likely meet their end, today.
They would soon find out. The Wizard strode up to the Elf-King amidst the chaos of the battle, and prepared to begin the final duel. The Wizard's ugly face was enough to despair almost anyone, but the Elf-King's confidence was undeterred. "I'm surprised you made it this far, Wizard Fat-ass.", he said in a loud voice. "Please, your pathetic, "warriors", are no match for human might, Jew-king!", the Wizard replied. The Paladin ran up beside him. "Yeah! You ain't no match for us!" The Wizard face-palmed. "Shut up retard, let me do the talking." Paladin Butters hung his head low. "Okay, sorry."
The Elf-King let out a hearty laugh. "Is THIS all the opposition I face on this day? You don't stand a chance!" The Bard then walked up beside him. "Wow, what a terrific showdown.", he said, quickly. "We will defeat you and save ourselves from annihil- ann-...annhi...anilahhh..."
Oh God, not this shit again, they all thought to themselves.
After what felt like a few hours, (Though in reality it was only two minutes) the Bard finally spat out, "We will defeat you and save ourselves from annhil-annhiliation!" The Wizard remained unphased. "You really think I'm gonna be defeated by a guy who can barely walk and a Jew? Fat fucking chance!" The Elf-King smirked at the Wizard's poor choice of words. "You WILL be defeated, for you are no match for the true king of these lands and his strong willed bard. And even if you somehow best us, you will NEVER get past my most trusted Ranger!"
The Wizard's next sentence made the Elf-King's confidence plummet straight into the ground. "I dunno, by the looks of things, I won't even need to fight him. He's not even here." The Elf-King looked around the battlefield of his backyard, and realized that what the Wizard said was unfortunately true. "...What? Stan never even showed up?", Kyle said to himself, quietly. "Alright everyone, stop the game! Time out! I should go over to Stan's and see if he's okay."
Cartman grinned. "I dunno. Looks to me like the Stick is up for the taking." Kyle remained undeterred. "You really wanna play dirty like that after using the excuse of the Elves using tactics like that to rally others to your cause?" Cartman remained silent for a few seconds.
"...GODDAMMIT! Just don't waste too much time, butthole!"
...
Thankfully, Stan's house wasn't far, so it didn't take long for Kyle to walk over. A few seconds after he rang the doorbell, Stan's mother, Sharon greeted him. "Oh hello, Kyle. What's this about?" Kyle replied, "Stan was supposed to play with us, today, but he never showed up. Can I talk to him?" Sharon shook her head. "Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea, Stan's really upset."
Kyle remained determined. "Please, just a few minutes?" Sharon thought about it for a moment. "Well, I suppose if anyone could could cheer him up, it would be you. He really enjoys hanging out with you."
Kyle walked up to Stan's room to see that the door was, curiously, not even shut. Inside, he saw Stan, his face buried in his hands.
Kyle slowly walked up to his best friend. "...Stan?" Stan looked up. He saw Kyle, dressed in his Elf-King outfit, giving him a warm, reassuring smile. Stan merely looked back down to the floor, causing his friend's smile to turn into a frown. Kyle could tell by Stan's eyes that he had been crying. Kyle hated seeing him like that.
Kyle stepped a bit closer. "What's wrong, man?" The distraught boy answered, "Do you know why Kenny liked pretending to be a princess?" Kyle's silence served as an answer enough to him. "A Princess usually never has to worry about money, is famous and loved by many, and catered to pretty much all the time. Kenny was the poorest person I knew, his parents neglected him, most of his classmates didn't like him, and no one's gonna even f-fucking know he ever existed." Stan's throat began to tighten and his eyes began to water, again.
How the hell was Kyle supposed to make him feel better when it came to this? Their only real friend dying? "C-come on, man. We need to gear up so we can keep the Stick of Truth safe from the-" Stan aggressively cut his friend off. "Don't, "Stick of Truth", me right now, Kyle!" Kyle took a step back, regretting his choice of words. Stan continued, "Besides, even if I gave enough of a shit, I wouldn't be any help. I'm not strong. I'm so pathetic, I couldn't even be there for my friend when he needed me most. He died thinking I fucking abandoned him. I don't- W-why couldn't I..."
Tears began streaming down Stan's face. No stopping them, now.
Without a second throught, Kyle walked right up to his closest friend, reached out to him, and held him in a tight hug as he sobbed. Kyle's own throat began to tighten. He hated seeing Stan like this. They both wished none of this had happened. They wished that Kenny had never gotten sick, and that they could just keep running around, playing and laughing together forever.
What could Kyle possibly say to try and make, some of this right?
"Stan, you...you were the best thing that ever happened to him."
"...What?", Stan asked, sniffling. "When we first met him years ago, Kenny didn't really have anyone. All of the other kids made fun of him for smelling and not being able to afford food at lunch. It hurt his feelings so much he pulled his hood up and zipped it shut. Then you offered him a seat at our lunch table. You even gave him half of your PB and J. After that, you brought extra money to school to give to him at lunchtime. You let him play with us at recess when all the other kids pinched their noses shut and waved him off. You were there for him when no one else was. The fact that you made him feel so happy when nothing and no one else would, meant everything to him. He died knowing that you cared about him more than anyone else he knew."
Though tears still stained the young boy's face, Stan smiled. Genuinely smiled. "A lot...of t-those facts apply to you, too, you know.", he said, sniffling again.
After one more quick hug, Kyle then asked, "You wanna go beat up a fat racist wizard with me, now?" Stan walked over to his wooden sword and picked it up.
"My Lord, it would be my honor."
...
After about twenty minutes, Kyle finally returned to his backyard with Stan with him, now donning his ranger attire. "Oh thank God! What the fuck took you fags so long?!"
Stan replied, "Your madness ends today, false king! By my blade, I will slay you and bring peace to these lands!" Cartman cackled. "I highly doubt that. Your little sword is no match for the powers of the Grand Wizard of the KKK! Soon all of the Elves will die, in order to make room for a healthy white race of-" Cartman was cut off when Stan did a quick leg sweep, knocking him on his ass. Before he could get up, Stan quickly finished him off with a flurry of blows to the face with his sword. "No...", Cartman said as he reached out to the air, then let his arm fall.
And just like that, it was all over. "Wow, that was a little anticli-cli-climactic.", Jimmy quickly said. "OH SHIT! ACK! THE KING'S DEAD! EVERYONE RETREAT!", Tweek yelled. "Oh no. We are defeated. We dare not tarry.", Craig said, monotonously.
After the remaining forces of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep had fled back to the dark hole from whence they came, King Kyle had prepared his speech to his men. "The war is at last over! The Stick of Truth is safe from the clutches of Evil! For your valiant efforts to keep Evil from gaining ultimate power, I thank you all!"
The Drow Elves all cheered for their king. "But there is one I would like to thank most of all, one who not only had the courage to fight the dark lord but to defeat him in single combat! His name is Sir Stan Marshwalker! For his deeds, I decree that he is to be recognized as a true hero throughout these lands! He is to"-
"Kyle! It's getting late! Time for your friends to go home!", his mother's loud voice boomed, cutting him off.
The children all groaned in annoyance, but complied nonetheless. Before he left, Stan walked back over to his best friend. "Hey Kyle?"
As Kyle turned around, he was met with a quick, tight hug. "Thanks. For what you said back there. You were one of the best things that ever happened to Kenny, too." Kyle hugged him back. "S-sure dude, no problem." Stan continued, "I can't believe I almost abandoned you, too, today."
Kyle shook his head. "Bullshit. I know you. So did Kenny. Stan Marsh would never abandon any of his friends."