Un-Fair Haven Saga
1. Consequences

By: AW
Pairing J/C
Rated: M
Summary: The challenge was 'if a holographic bullet can kill you; can holographic sperm make you pregnant?'
Date: January 2000

'Fair Haven', now that was one title she didn't wish to hear for a long time. What did it mean? Literally if she broke the title up, it meant something completely alien from what it represented to her. Fair: free of clouds, not obscure, showing no prejudice...just tolerance and hope. That was the definition she got...so what did it mean? She found this place to be the most obscure she had ever encountered...the people, the places and in all honesty everything about it. Haven: a place of anchorage, refuge...shelter. She tried to use it as a shelter, a shelter from all that was wrong, but in reality, she knew all she was doing was hiding. Hiding from everything. It had caused her trouble, and it had caused her pain, and if she was right, it would continue to do so for years to come.

What had she been thinking? When had her life come to this? Six years ago she had been on earth, engaged to a man she loved with all her life, and waiting for her wedding day. Voyager was to be her last mission, her last off-world posting before she settled down and finally got married and had the kids she had craved since the day she was born it felt.

It had been nine weeks since the end of 'Fair Haven' and the end of her 'relationship' with Michael Sullivan. What was she thinking? Damn Paris and his stupid ideas. First 'Sandrine's', then 'Fair Haven', she vowed some day she would avoid falling for one of his programs. When had she started thinking of Paris as one of her equals? When had she started thinking of a lot of them as her equals...from Paris to the doctor? What had come of this? At one time, she would never have even thought of giving these criminals the freedom she now granted them.

Six years ago, she had been heading out, to apprehend Maquis traitors, people who offended every last thing she stood for. But, what had happened was beyond her control, and now here she stood. Her engines were run by a half Klingon who had once tried to kill every Cardassian and Starfleet she could. Her ship was piloted by a brash young man, who had betrayed Starfleet and killed three promising young officers without even having the decency to admit his flaws and take the blame. Her kitchen...which was not even supposed to be a kitchen, what had once been her private dining room, run by a man who was a 'jack of all trades' and who over the years had in some way become dear to them all. Then there was her doctor. A hologram that had over the years stretched his limits, and her patience to the boundaries.

Finally there was Chakotay. Former mercenary, and man she had, against all will, and against better judgment, fallen in love with. When? How? Why? Despite her dealings and her wishes, she had lost the battle over feelings, she had lost the battle over friendship and isolation and she had lost the battle for control of her emotions. Yes despite everything, she could not have this man, and would never be able to do so...sometimes love just wasn't enough to cross all boundaries. But it was love wasn't it? It had to be...anyway, that wasn't the point. Right now she had to talk to him. There was something that would forever change the relationship between her and just about every crewmember aboard Voyager. To begin, the first thing she was going to do was hang that little shit Paris for leaving the safety protocols off...what was he thinking? She supposed it didn't matter, what was done, was done.

She reached up to tap her combadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

She waited, hearing a pregnant pause over the comm. "Chakotay here, what can I do for you Captain?"

"Could you meet me for supper tonight? My quarters, oh about 1900?"

She heard another pause. "Alright Captain. See you then."

She would have had to have been blind to miss the subtle undertone of impatience and anger in his voice. Needless to say, since the Fair Haven program had begun their relationship had been less than stellar. To begin, she had lost herself in it, which made what she had to tell him tonight less and less easily done. She had in some ways traded in her relationship with Chakotay, and all for a few minutes of leisurely fun with someone who wasn't real.

Last night when the doctor had decided to stay on Voyager, rather than go to the planet, it had become more evident than ever that he was simply a complex computer program, unfortunately, so was Michael. What was Paris thinking asking her what components she wanted to keep; he knew what her answer would be. She had shown vulnerability in front of her entire crew by letting her infatuation with Michael get the better of her, and now her enjoyment had consequences, which she would have to face. And soon, before they figured out her dirty little secret on their own.

And...despite everything Chakotay was still her best friend, and still deserved to hear it first, and not through the ships grapevine, led by Tom Paris himself.

*~*~*~*~*
END PART I
TBC IN PART II