A lifetime of profound disappointments had taught her to resist moments of elation.
It was when she became too elated, too settled, too content in life that her world became enshrouded in thick plumes of debilitating smoke.
Every. Single. Time.
She had attempted to resist her latest bout of contentment, but it had crept up on her the way a cat creeps up on a bothersome curtain.
She was too ecstatic, and it terrified her.
Instead of bottling up her concerns, as she was wont to do, she had forced herself to speak with David about them.
In their third and presumably final go-around, Valerie was determined for there to not be a lack of communication between them.
They had utilized the hour waiting for the newest member of the McKay-Walsh-Malone-Silver household to return to her sleep by opening up to each other in a way they hadn't before.
Perhaps it had been Brenda's lulling conversation with her Aria or Dylan's sweet assurances to both that had persuaded Valerie to direct her mind to the same open communication with David that Dylan had allowed with Brenda.
If Dylan could do it, Valerie thought that she certainly could.
Thinking it and acting upon it were two different things.
"You've got something on your mind," said David. "Wanna let me in so we can talk about it?"
"I'm trying to let you in more, David," said Val. "I am trying."
"I know you are, Val, but I also know you can still use some prodding every once in a while."
It unnerved Valerie sometimes, how well David had always grasped her.
"I just don't think you're giving full thought to what us hooking up together means," she said.
"I've given it a lot of thought," he said. "Over a year of thought."
"Then have you thought about what it means for you?"
"Honey, if you want me to get tested as often as you need to be, I'll get tested."
"David, if I give you HIV, it'll break me. I know it will."
"You've tested negative twice."
"And I could easily -"
"Test positive a third time," David cut in. "I know. I'm not looking for either of us to test positive, but I'm not going to miss out on being with you because of your fears. Are you gonna lie here and tell me you don't need me as badly as I need you?"
"Of course I need you," said Val. "I haven't gotten laid since - since -"
"Since your first test?" asked David.
"Since Carl," said Val. "How awful am I? I didn't think anything of the test when I climbed into bed with Carl."
"It wasn't your finest moment," said David, "but considering everything Abby's done to you before and after, how you went to fucking jail because of her, you'll have to forgive me if I don't give a damn that you slept with your mother's fiancé."
"Not a single damn?" Valerie didn't believe David's nonchalance for a second.
"Maybe one damn," he relented. "It wasn't exactly easy realizing you'd been with other people since we - since I ended it."
"You haven't been with anyone?" asked Val. "No one?"
"I almost was," said David. "Me and Gina. We almost did, but we didn't."
"When she was dating Dylan?"
"After they broke up. It's one of the things that brought me out this way."
"So I have to thank Gina Kincaid for almost hooking up with my boyfriend?"
"As I recall, I wasn't your boyfriend at the time."
"You are now," said Val. "Permanently."
"I'm permanently your boyfriend?"
"You sound disappointed."
"Well, I kinda hoped that maybe, eventually," David shrugged, "y'know." He gauged Valerie's reaction. "Eventually," he emphasized. "Not now, obviously; I mean, none of us are gonna get married anytime soon, so Dylan and Bren are gonna be alone with that for a bit, but -"
"I'm not sure I'd make a very good wife," said Val. "You've met that woman who gave birth to me. Allegedly."
"And you've met my dad," said David. "You know all about how lousy of a husband he is. Do you think I'm like him?"
"Not at all."
"Then why do you think you'd be like Abby?"
"I don't know if I can have a healthy, solid marriage when I never witnessed one. The one I thought I did witness was Jim's and Cindy's, and he'd been keeping that giant secret from her for decades."
"If you decide that you really don't want us to marry, ever, then that's something I'll have to accept," said David. "But if the reason is solely because you're worried about being your mother, than I'm gonna insist you think this over."
So Valerie did think it over.
Quite frequently.
The marriage between her two best friends was too fresh for it to serve as a proper example, but Valerie observed it nonetheless.
She watched the way Dylan synched with Brenda when it came to caring for Aria; how Dylan just seemed to know when Brenda needed a moment to regain her control to be able to give her full attention to Aria and not to the pain in Brenda's head.
She watched Aria, the love that enveloped the tiny sweetheart from all sides.
She watched as Cindy and Jim chose to work on their marriage and tore up the divorce papers that Cindy had drawn up.
She even watched the rhythm of Brandon and Kelly, who may have been synchronous with each other to the same extent that Dylan and Brenda were.
"I don't think I'd be a very good wife, either," said Clare over drinks.
It was the two of them and Donna, who would be returning to Los Angeles the following day.
Of course Donna would choose to leave just as she and Val had gotten to a good place in their tumultuous relationship, mostly curved that way by Valerie's underhanded antics.
Donna told them that whilst she was glad to return to D'Shawn and see what their own future would hold, she was not looking forward to journeying far from Aria.
"She's just so sweet," said Donna. "Have you ever known any baby to be so sweet?"
"I'm not admitting to Baby Fever or anything remotely close to it," said Clare, "but I won't say no if Bren or Dylan ask me to baby-sit."
"Assuming you can pry Aria out of either of their hands," said Val. "Or Brandon's, for that matter. He's such a proud uncle. I can barely get a moment with Aria before he comes in and commandeers her attention."
"I noticed David's taken to her, too," said Clare, an inflection of hint in her tone.
"David's great with her," said Valerie wistfully.
"Do you think you'll ever…" Clare trailed off.
"I don't know," said Val. "Maybe." She glanced at Donna. "If this is making you uncomfortable, Don, we can sto -"
"David's one of my oldest, closest friends," said Donna. "I know we've been a lot more than that, several times, but all I want is for him to be over-the-moon happy. And he is, Val. With you."
"I don't understand why," said Val. "You'd be much better for him."
"Would I?" asked Donna. "You don't think David would feel forever inadequate, trying to measure up to my mother's superhuman expectations? That we wouldn't fight because of it? That we wouldn't be miserable together, trying to salvage the remains of what we had incinerated years ago?"
"I guess you're right," said Val.
"I know I'm right," said Donna. "And that's why I'm okay around you, even with you dating David."
"Because my parents sucked so much that David will never feel inadequate against them?" asked Val.
"Because David doesn't have to feel like he has to prove himself to be with you, Val. The only people he'd have to prove himself to are the Walshes, and they -"
"They love him," said Val.
"All packed up?" asked Clare.
"Getting there," said Val. "I'm not ready to leave, but I really hate the idea of being so far from Curtis with everything he's going through."
"I know Rick's got it handled," said Donna, "but if you need anything else legal-wise, D'Shawn's sister is available. I didn't give her any specifics, just that I have a friend who knows someone that's gotten into some legal trouble."
That completely dismantled Valerie's train of thought.
"You called me your friend?" she asked Donna disbelievingly.
"Aren't you?" asked Donna. "I kinda figured it was implied, what with us being super close with all the same people."
"You called me your friend," said Val.
"You are," said Donna. "Whether you want to be, or not."
It wasn't the first embrace they had exchanged, but it was certainly the first one that, at least on Valerie's end, was genuine.
She turned her focus on Clare.
"You and Steve are planning to visit, aren't you?" asked Val.
"We're trying to work out a visit back to Cali," said Clare. "Ryan said Rush has some news and Rush is refusing to tell Steve whatever the news is over the phone, so you know Steve. He's freaking out, thinking up all the worst-case scenarios."
"That sounds more like Brandon than Steve," said Val.
"You'd think," said Clare, "but with all that our friends have been through lately, I get why Steve's drawing his own conclusions."
The issue, said Clare, was with her work schedule.
"If I take off work, that's days we lose working on a way to help Bren," said Clare.
"You're taking off for Carl's wedding," said Val.
Carl's wedding, said Clare, would last a weekend. A visit to Steve's family may surpass that.
"I am going to go with him," said Clare. "We're just trying to work out when and how long we'll need to stay."
What Clare didn't say, and what Valerie understood regardless, was what would happen if Steve needed to stay with his family and Clare needed to return to work to continue developing a solution for Brenda.
As if worrying over Steve and Clare wasn't harrowing enough, Valerie walked into the kitchen to find Dylan pouring coffee into his soup.
"I don't think coffee belongs there," she said, pointing towards the bowl.
"Aw shucks," said Dylan.
"Rough night?" asked Val.
"3am wakeup call," said Dylan. "Not too bad. Bren and I actually managed to get a bit of sleep before Aria bellowed for a feed."
"Where is Bren?" asked Val, noticing the wrap around Dylan and the sleeping infant within the wrap.
"I finally convinced her to start seeing Alina again," said Dylan. "She'd missed so many sessions and I don't want me or Aria to be the reason Bren isn't keeping up on her sessions. I told her I could handle this and - and I could've handled this just fine, if I could just get my dang lawyer to stop calling."
"Your lawyer's calling?"
"Continuously."
"Why?"
"I'm a little busy to bother checking," said Dylan. "If he's trying that hard to get hold of me, I know whatever he says is going to piss me off, and I don't want Aria to hear me pissed off. My daughter doesn't need to know about her Daddy's infamous temper."
"Might be warranted," said Val. "Go call your lawyer. I can take care of Aria for a little bit."
Dylan appeared trepidatious.
"You don't trust me with her?" asked Val.
"It doesn't have anything to do with trust," said Dylan. "I don't want to pass my daughter off so I can make a business call."
"You aren't," said Val. "You're checking with your lawyer. What if it's about the guardianship case? Then not taking the call could be more damaging to Aria than if you do take it."
"The guardianship case," Dylan echoed. "Dangit! I hadn't even thought of that."
"Call your lawyer," said Val as she began to lift Aria out of Dylan's wrap. "We're all allowed to get pissed off. You don't have to worry your daughter will be scarred because of it, but if you're still worried, then I can watch her. No problem."
"Watch her head." Taking Aria back from Val, Dylan set his hand on the back of Aria's head and cupped her against his chest.
"She's safe with me," said Val. She told herself that Dylan's hesitance was more about his new fatherhood than mistrust in her. "I did raise my siblings, you know."
"I know she's safe with you," said Dylan. "I just get nervous when she isn't with me, unless she's with Bren, and this is the first time Aria and I have been alone together. I guess I want to prove to Bren that we can be."
"If I told you Bren specifically asked me to help you if you needed it and weren't willing to ask for it, would that make a difference?" asked Val.
"I suppose you can take her." Dylan carefully lowered Aria into Valerie's arms. "Daddy has to make a quick phone call," he said, untying the wrap to hand to Val. "Very quick. So quick, you won't even know he was gone, okay?" Dylan kissed Aria's nose. "Daddy won't make a habit of this, he promises. No business call will come before you."
"It isn't a business call," said Val, expertly tying the wrap around her for her to return Aria to it.
"Right back," said Dylan. "You'll tell me if she starts crying?"
"Go," said Val.
Dylan began to retro walk, nearly bumping into David on the way out.
David stopped halfway in.
"Dylan had to make a phone call," said Val in answer to David's flabbergasted stare. "I made him let me watch her."
David's prolonged silence had Valerie asking, "What is it?"
"You," he said. "Holding her."
The words fell out of David's lips as if they had been uttered through a mouthful of chalk.
"You've seen me hold her before," said Val.
"Not like this," said David. "Not with her tied to your chest. Not without the others around."
"Well, do you like it?" asked Valerie. "Me holding a baby?"
"I think the question is, do you like it?" asked David.
"I actually do," said Val. "I don't know if it's babies in general or just Aria, but I like being given the responsibility of taking care of something so precious and knowing that I can."
"Would you, uh," David stretched his arm around both of them. "Would you ever reconsider maybe, ah, having our kid? Or we could hire a surrogate to do it."
"The only person carrying your baby is me," said Val.
"Then you would do it?" asked David. "Carry my baby?"
"Not anytime soon," said Val, "but ask me again in a couple years and my answer might be different. Besides, you still owe me a cat."
Before she gave proper thought to motherhood, Valerie wanted more assurance that she wouldn't unintentionally pass on a yet-diagnosed HIV diagnosis to her unborn child.
Fuck Johnny, she would have said out loud. As little ears were pressed against her, she merely thought it.
"I wasn't thinking right away." David leant in with a smile to connect their lips. "We're due some fun first," he added, brushing the lightest of kisses across Valerie's bottom lip in a teasing manner.
"Fun's gonna have to wait," said Val as Aria gave clear indication that she had woken.
"Bottle's in the freezer?" asked David.
"Yeah, you'll want to heat it up to -"
"I did take care of my sibling, you know," said David.
"I guess Erin hasn't turned out too bad," said Val with a smile of her own. "But Curtis -"
"Curtis defended his family," said David. "If our kid ever winds up in jail for defending their family, I'd be one extremely proud dad."
"You're just saying that so I make sure to actually give this some good thought."
"I'm saying that because you're much more maternal than you realize, Val. If we decide to not have kids, it's gonna be because you don't want any, not because you're afraid of turning into Abby."
Valerie wondered how the fuck David was always able to comprehend her inner battle.
Dylan returned to find David bottle-feeding Aria.
"How's she taking it?" asked Dylan. "She was bawling yesterday when we tried her on the bottle to prepare her for Bren being gone."
"I think she likes her Uncle David," said Val.
Her observation was proven by the way Aria's big blue eyes took note of David's every movement.
"How'd it go?" asked Val.
"I'm torn between taking my daughter back and punching a car door," said Dylan.
"That bad?" Valerie looked at David.
"She's still eating," said David. "Go outside, get some air, clear your mind, and then I'll give her back to you."
"Yeah," said Dylan. "You're right."
He didn't punch a car door. He didn't punch anything, but Valerie could tell he wanted to.
"What happened?" she asked.
"What happened is the fucking court apparently has the right to check out my marriage and declare whether it's valid," said Dylan. "Bren and I have to go down to the courthouse tomorrow to get her guardian approved, because apparently us choosing to marry isn't good enough!"
"Oh, Dyl." Valerie set her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."
"Why can't this nightmare just be over, Val?" Dylan scraped his fingers over his head and joined his hands at the back of his neck. "Brenda wanted to marry me. I wanted to marry her. Why isn't that enough of a reason? Do they really think I coerced her into marriage? That I think so little of her that I had to manipulate her into spending her life with me?"
"Who knows what they think," said Valerie as she hugged him.
"They could make us do a paternity test," said Dylan. "Someone could be paid off to change the results."
"What is this, a soap opera?" asked Val.
"Sometimes my life feels like one," said Dylan. "I gotta figure out what we're gonna do with Aria."
"I thought that was pretty obvious," said Val. "She's clearly yours."
"I don't mean a fucking paternity test," said Dylan. "We might be in court for a few hours, or more. Jim's gonna have to be there since he started all this shit, and Cindy's gonna insist on coming along."
Iris and Erica would also insist, said Dylan. Brandon would want to be there, and Kelly would want to come along since she and Brandon had become inseparable.
"That leaves Clare and Andrea, who'll both be at work, or Donna -"
"Who's boarding a plane tomorrow," said Val.
"I didn't want my daughter to have to go to a courthouse when she's barely two weeks old, but I'm not leaving her alone with Steve," said Dylan.
"David and I will watch her," said Val without thinking twice.
"We can't ask you to do that," said Dylan. "Not with all that packing you're doing and -"
"David and I will watch her," Val repeated. "You and Bren fight for your marriage and be assured that your daughter's in good hands with both of us."
"I don't doubt she is." Dylan grabbed Valerie to kiss the top of her head. "We're gonna miss you and Silver around here."
"We'll miss all of you, too," said Val.
"Maybe when Aria's a little older and Bren's a little better with a long flight, we'll come out to Maine," said Dylan.
"I'll bug you incessantly until you do," said Val. "Brother-in-law."
"Sister-in-law," said Dylan.
Dylan retrieved Aria from David and left the kitchen as Valerie began to inform David about their plans for the following day.
"I hope you don't mind me answering for both of us," said Val. "Dylan was really stressed and I wanted to do something to try to put his mind at ease."
"Mind?" asked David. "I'm still stuck on the fact that you trust me enough with Aria to volunteer me to watch her."
"Well, your bottle-feeding skills are top-notch," said Val.
"I can show you other skills of mine that are top-notch," said David, pressing against her.
"HIV," Val uttered, trying to think straight when it was near impossible.
"Tell you what," said David. "I'm going to go into our room, strip down, get under the covers, and if you want to join me when you taper down your fears, you can."
"Or maybe we wait a bit," said Val, "until there isn't the possibility of Aria overhearing her aunt and uncle going at it."
"See, when you're cute like that, it only makes the little guy yearn for you more," said David.
"Do you really want our first time since getting back together to be here?" Valerie gestured around with outstretched arms. "Where Bren could walk in on us? Where Brandon could, or even your sister?"
"I guess not," said David. "You're getting off easy, Malone."
"Patience will make it all the more sweeter when it does happen, Silver."
"Try seeing how patient you can be with this," said David, pulling Valerie in for a prolonged kiss that gave her a headrush.
They kissed more than they packed, until Valerie told David that they were never going to make it to Maine if their suitcases remained bare.
In response, David dumped all of Valerie's clothing into one suitcase and then returned to kissing all over her.
They had made some headway in the packing by the time they heard Brenda enter the house, but not as much headway as they should have.
"I heard Auntie Val's gonna watch Aria tomorrow," said Brenda as she sat with Aria in the nursery rocking chair. "Can you hand me the diaper bag?" she asked. "Someone needs a change."
Valerie stood by Brenda, helping her to change Aria.
"I thought Dylan was strictly on diaper duty," said Val.
"I made him have an exception since I was gone most of the day," said Brenda.
"How was your session?" asked Val.
"It went fine, but I could've done without Alina telling me the same thing Dylan has," said Brenda.
"Which is?"
"That I can't let my mental health take a backseat," said Brenda.
"Well, you can't," said Val.
"I'm not trying to," said Brenda. "I'm just not ready to be away from her for long periods of time yet. Today was really awful, and tomorrow's gonna be worse. I wish I could redo the hearing. I wish I hadn't made such a mess of everything."
"Hey." Val slipped her arms around Brenda. "You haven't."
"They have the chance to judge my marriage, Val," said Brenda. "All because I walked out of the hearing."
"They might be able to judge it, but there's nothing fake or forced about this marriage," said Val. "Nothing. They'll see that."
"I hope so." Brenda snapped Aria into a fresh onesie and held her to her shoulder. "I just hate that Dylan has to be in this position."
"He wouldn't want you to go through it alone," said Val.
"I also hate that Dad's put us in this position to begin with, but I guess I'm supposed to be grateful that he's suddenly on our side and trying to make amends, or whatever?"
Valerie stood, stunned.
"What?" asked Brenda.
"You realize you just used the word 'dad' in reference to Jim Walsh, right?" asked Val.
"Oh, did I?" asked Brenda, who didn't seem to think much of it.
"You aren't getting a memory of him, are you?" Valerie treaded carefully.
"Nothing since the bus," said Brenda. "I'd at least like another memory of my husband or maybe of my mom, but there's been nothing. I think Dylan picked up on my frustration and that's why he had me see Alina today, so she could assure me that I'm still on track even though it doesn't feel like it." Brenda rocked the fussy Aria against her. "Do you think you and David will ever get married?" she casually asked.
"He wants to," said Val. Looking down, she realized she had started stroking Aria's back. "I promised him I'd at least think it over, but what if getting married wrecks everything between us?"
"Hasn't been too bad so far," said Brenda.
"That's because Dyl's married to you. David would be married to me, and I'm a whole other story."
"I'm not telling you to get engaged today," said Brenda. "Dylan and I are fully prepared to be the only married couple in our group for a year or so, but we do expect one of you to join us eventually and if it isn't you, it might be Brandon."
"I think we have to see how it goes with him and Kel before we start planning out their wedding," said Val. "It could be Steve and Clare."
"Except neither of them are in a hurry to the altar. You and David have at least discussed it."
"I'm not getting married if my brother can't be there," said Val, and that was the end of that.
Until she and David were left alone with Aria.
Until Valerie realized how incredibly attractive David Silver was with a baby in his arms.
Until Valerie thought over what it would mean to be David's wife.
Maybe, if he did propose at some point, she wouldn't turn him down.
Valerie looked down at Aria in her bassinet.
"Once a year," she told David. "I want us to get tested for HIV once a year, every year."
"Done," said David, holding her close.
"And I need us to make it to at least the six-month mark before we think about marriage," said Val.
"Also done."
"But I'm not saying no," she said. "On any of it."
"So when we do have sex again," David started, turning Valerie around to look at him.
"I'll be going off the pill," said Val.
"And I'll quit buying condoms," said David.
"We won't put pressure on ourselves," said Val. "We won't try. We won't take hormone injections, or try to get your men in tip-top shape. But if it happens -"
"It happens," David finished. "You're actually considering having my kid."
"Blame her," said Val with a pointed look in Aria's direction. "If our kid turns out anything like her, it'll make the weight gain and sore boobs worth it."
Aria smiled up at them, a smile that told Valerie it was time for a change.
"I've got it." David reached into the bassinet. "C'mon, Aria sweetheart. Uncle David's gonna get you all cleaned up while Auntie Val realizes this is exactly what she wants for our life."
Valerie made to follow them when her reflection caught her eye.
She turned until her profile faced the mirror and attempted to imagine herself carrying the same beach ball that had been attached to Brenda.
She then turned her ring finger towards the mirror, trying to imagine the ring that might sit there.
It was too soon, she thought. She and David hadn't been back together a month yet. They likely wouldn't be talking marriage or children if it weren't for Dylan and Brenda introducing the topic back into the group.
Still, the idea of becoming David Silver's wife and giving him a daughter of their own?
Valerie didn't hate it.
In fact, she thought the idea rather appealing.
But she wasn't ready for it.
Not yet.
Not when her main focus needed to be getting Curtis out of prison, and Abby Malone into it.
Only then would she be able to turn her focus elsewhere.
xx
He hated courthouses almost as much as he hated hospitals.
He especially hated the one in Helsinki, after the occurrences of the last time he had been there.
"I won't run," Brenda promised. "Whatever happens, whatever they decide, I won't run from you."
"I know you won't," said Dylan. "I knew we'd have to come back here eventually, but I still kinda hoped they'd just forget about the whole guardianship thing once Jim told them he was dropping it."
"I did drop the case," said Jim, overhearing.
"But the Judge had already ruled that Bren needs a guardian either way, so here we are," said Brandon.
"I'm married now," said Brenda, curling into Dylan. "That should count for something. Dylan and I shouldn't be here. We should be with our daughter."
"Who I'm sure is being taken care of just fine by my brother and his girlfriend," said Kelly with a reassuring pat to Brenda's elbow.
"I don't know whether to be glad you and Val are being nice to each other, or weirded out by it," said Brenda.
"I'm trying," said Kelly. "It's either this or fight with Val over who gets more of Aria's attention."
"I'm gonna choose the you getting along part," said Brenda. "No one's fighting over my daughter."
As much as Dylan longed to leave the courthouse and never see it again, he was antsier to face the Judge, to somehow prove that it was better for Brenda's mental and physical health for her to be with him.
Brenda locked their hands together until their ring fingers were aligned.
"We're married," she told him. "They can't take that from us."
"They can declare it null," said Dylan.
"Then we'll just get married again," said Brenda. "I chose to marry you and if I have to keep marrying you until it's approved in the eyes of the law, then I will."
Dylan wanted to kiss her, but with everyone around them, he decided to hold off.
"Mr. McKay," said the Judge, "you are aware that when you were previously here, the court determined that with your history and questionable motives, you would not be permitted guardianship of Miss Walsh."
"Mrs. McKay," said Brenda, though she said it low enough to not interrupt the Judge.
"I am aware," said Dylan.
"Mr. Walsh, it was your legal team that was adamant of Mr. McKay's inability to care for your daughter." The Judge held up a piece of paper. "Yet, I have here a letter from you asking that the decision be reconsidered. For what reason did you change your mind?"
"For the reason that I have seen the care my son-in-law has shown toward my daughter and granddaughter," said Jim. "At the time of the hearing, I believed that Dylan had acted disingenuously with my daughter. I no longer believe that."
"You have placed me in a precarious position, Mr. Walsh," said the Judge. "I cannot grant guardianship to Mr. McKay. You have withdrawn your request to be Mrs. McKay's guardian. The court's decision that Mrs. McKay requires a guardian is final, but if there is no one willing to become that guardian who can be approved by the court, then Mrs. McKay's guardianship becomes a matter of the State."
Noticing how hard Brenda tried to keep her face passive, Dylan's stomach threatened to expel its contents.
He had never wanted to fight Brenda for custody of their daughter, but if Brenda would be taken by the State, Dylan couldn't allow Aria to be taken by them, too.
He knew it had been idiotic, to let himself fall into a state of contentment, a state of endless elation with his wife and their daughter, but he had done so nevertheless.
Once again, people were threatening to take them from him.
Brandon's chair scraped back, interrupting Dylan's quickly forming battle plan.
"Your Honor," said Brandon, "may I approach the bench?"
He was granted permission.
"Your Honor," said Brandon, "I would like to submit myself as a guardian to my sister. You will see in my file," he handed it over, "that my history is relatively clean and that I have the income necessary to provide for her."
Brandon.
The Judge's declaration had been so jarring, it had caused Dylan to forget that Brandon still had a chance.
"Mr. Walsh," said the Judge, "are you fully aware of what this will entail?"
"I am," said Brandon. "You will see from the notes that I have been caring for her since her accident, and I am well-acquainted with her medical team. Your decision will merely solidify what I have been doing all along."
"You would be granted guardianship for a year," said the Judge, "at which point we would review Mrs. McKay's progress and determine whether the guardianship should continue for another year."
"With all due respect," said Brandon, "I have spent many years caring for my twin sister."
Brenda sat intertwined on Dylan's lap, waiting for the Judge to finish deliberating.
"I can't believe you did that," she told Brandon.
"Why not?" asked Brandon. "We've talked about it."
"Yes, but that was before you started dating Kelly again," said Brenda.
"Like I was really gonna let some stranger become your guardian, Bren. C'mon."
"Mom could've put in for it."
"If Mom got guardianship of you, Dad might as well have never withdrawn his request."
"I don't want you to throw away your aspirations to continue caring for me, Brandon."
"I'm not," said Brandon. "I'll have the official guardianship, but I can't control where you live or who you see. And I can entrust someone else to check in on you if I have to be away for a story, someone like Mom or Iris."
"So I can still live with Dylan," said Brenda, catching on.
"And we get longer to prove our marriage is valid," said Dylan. "Thanks, B."
"After how hard it was to get you in the family, do you think I'm gonna let you get out of it?" asked Brandon.
They had barely parked the car before Brenda had rocketed out of it to get to Aria.
"How'd it go?" asked Valerie, giving Aria back to Brenda who promptly buried her head in Aria's onesie and began to cry.
"I guess that answers that," said Val with simmering rage. "I should've been there to yell at the Judge."
"No, no." Brenda withdrew her head. "These are good tears. I'm relieved. I'm happy."
"Dylan got guardianship?" asked Valerie, surprised.
"Brandon did," said Dylan. "They'll review it in a year."
"And by that time, they'll see I no longer need a guardian, because I'm going to spend the year we have getting into extra good condition," said Brenda. She sat down to feed Aria. "How was our girl?"
"She's a little angel," said Val. "I can't get enough of her. I swear every time she cries, my heart hurts a little more."
"Welcome to the club," said Dylan. "Does that mean you're reconsidering moving?"
"It means I wouldn't be considering it at all if my brother wasn't all alone out there," said Val. "With Suzie busy with college on the other side of the country, she doesn't know how often she can visit. Tom did say he would, but it isn't the same. I know Curtis doesn't want me to put my life on hold for him, but I can't just leave him behind."
"We understand," said Brenda. "You feel the need to take care of him, like Brandon felt the need to take care of me."
"And because Bran had already proven that he can take care of Bren, it was easier for him to be granted guardianship of her," said Dylan, squatting beside his girls.
"Like anyone could take me from you," said Brenda, pressing her nose against Dylan's nose. "I would have ran away, and kept running until my legs brought me home."
"Home," said Dylan, kissing Aria's head before kissing his wife.
When they drew back, they noticed that Valerie had left.
"I think she might marry David," said Brenda.
"What makes you say that?" asked Dylan.
"Just a gut feeling," said Brenda. "Val and Kel might be getting along alright right now, but Bran and Kel are gonna get back to the point where they're seriously considering marriage and Val's competitive spirit with Kel is gonna kick into gear to where Val beats her to the punch."
"Could be Steve and Clare," said Dylan. He ravenously eyed the milk that had escaped Aria's mouth and dribbled from Brenda's breast.
"Wait 'til she finishes," said Brenda. "And I don't think either Steve or Clare wants to make it official anytime soon."
"Sanders is planning to spend a good twenty-one years with her," said Dylan.
"There is that," said Brenda.
"Is this what our life is gonna be now?" asked Dylan, setting Aria in the bassinet. "Waiting for our single friends to become our married friends?"
"We could try making friends of married couples that already exist," said Brenda, "but that would require you talking to new people."
"I think Bran and Kel are gonna be next," said Dylan.
"David and Val are definitely gonna be before them," said Brenda.
Dylan lapped his tongue over the spilt milk.
"Is my wife betting against me?" he asked.
"When my husband is wrong, yes, yes I am," said Brenda, scrunching her hand in Dylan's hair.
"I'll bet BK get engaged by next Christmas," said Dylan.
"Then I'll bet D proposes to V on her birthday, because he knows how much she hates her birthday and he'll want to give her one that's really special," said Brenda.
"Aria, we need you to be the tiebreaker," said Dylan. "Kick your foot out if you think your Uncle Brandon's gonna get engaged first."
"Kick your foot out if you think your Auntie Val's gonna get engaged first," said Brenda.
After a minute of no response, Dylan chuckled.
"She's out," he announced.
"For now," said Brenda.
"Now's long enough," said Dylan, quenching his thirst for Brenda with an intense snogging session.
It didn't fully quench the thirst, but it did somewhat help in Dylan's impatience for the advised four weeks to be up until he could sink back into Brenda.
"It doesn't have to be four weeks, you know," said Brenda as they broke apart.
"Doc advised four weeks, so four weeks is what we're going with," said Dylan.
"I only got a taste of you," said Brenda, "and this Mama wants way more."
"Mama's gonna get way more," said Dylan. "In two weeks, Daddy will give Mama all the taste she wants."
Brenda glanced at the time.
"When did Erica say she'd be back?" she asked.
"About ten," said Dylan. "Did you want us to ask her tonight?"
"If we're able to stay awake until she gets home, then yes, I do," said Brenda. "Are you getting nervous about our appointment?"
"You mean, 'cause your ex is gonna be examining our daughter?" asked Dylan. "I'm not nervous. König might be, but I'm not."
"We could look around for a different pediatrician."
"This one knows your medical history. We'd have to start from scratch with another when it's much easier to just keep using König. I'm fine with it, Bren. Really, I am." Dylan grabbed her hand. "After all, I got the girl." He slid his finger over Brenda's ring. "You should be more concerned about König's reaction to me being around than my reaction to him."
Before Brenda could answer back, Dylan said, "That was a joke. See? I can also make jokes." He lay back with Brenda in his arms. "How'd it go with Alina, anyway?"
"Fine," said Brenda. "She said I can't rely on my memories coming back before I start meeting people and that I might have to meet with people to get memories of them."
"So I should invite your relatives and the London gang out here?" asked Dylan.
"It'll be a good distraction when Val leaves," said Brenda. "We can introduce Bobby to Aria. You've met Bobby, haven't you?"
Dylan said he had, ensuring he didn't add that he had told Brenda that before.
"Will the London gang like me still?" asked Brenda.
"Of course they will," said Dylan.
"But they'll want to talk about them," said Brenda. "Mina. Shane. Zahur. And I still don't know anything about them other than what you've told me and what I heard in the voicemail."
"Maybe it'll be good for them to come out," said Dylan. "They can tell you things about our mates that I can't, and maybe that's exactly what you need."
"Do you think they would have liked Aria?" asked Brenda.
"They would have loved her," said Dylan. "Mina would've fought with Val over who gets to hold her more."
"I'm surprised Kel and Val aren't fighting over that," said Brenda.
"I think knowing you can't get too stressed is the biggest factor for that," said Dylan. "They're both trying to offer you a calm environment."
"I don't want all of you to walk on eggshells around me just because my mind isn't fully functional and I might need a heart transplant," said Brenda.
It was statements like that that made Dylan wish Brenda were a little less blunt.
"I didn't mean to upset you," she quickly added.
"I'm your husband, Bren," said Dylan. "I'm supposed to take care of you and not only am I not granted guardianship of my own wife, but I can't heal her from everything she's dealing with. I can hire the finest doctors, the most expensive doctors in the world, yet there's no guarantee they'll heal you, either."
"You don't have to heal me." Brenda cupped Dylan's face. "I'm on a regimen of a whole bunch of different meds, but if I wasn't, seeing you with Aria would be all the medicine I need."
Dylan appreciated the sentiment, even if it weren't necessarily true.
Erica knocked on the door at a little after ten, as Dylan had requested she do.
"Did I wake her?" asked Erica, eyeing the bassinet.
"You woke her," said Dylan, pointing at Brenda.
"Sorry, Bren," said Erica.
"Don't be," said Brenda. "We've been wanting to talk to you about something."
"You can fully say no," said Dylan. "We want you to know that whatever you decide, you're always welcome here."
"Dylan said you used to live with us," said Brenda. "Before the accident. And well, we, we were kinda hoping," she looked at Dylan.
"We were kinda hoping you'd want to live with us again," said Dylan.
"Not as our live-in baby-sitter," said Brenda. "I mean, you can baby-sit Aria if you want, but that's not why we're asking you."
"Truth is, Erica, if my life hadn't turned to shit, I would've wanted you to live with me ages ago," said Dylan. "You're too old for us to adopt you now, but Val's room will be opening up soon and we have gotten used to having someone in it. We'd also like for Aria to get to know you. So if you wanted to -"
"Yes," said Erica.
"If you need time to think it over, we understa -" Dylan interrupted himself. "What?" he asked.
"Yes!" said Erica, and her eyes shone. "Yes, I'll live with you. All of us in London, that was the happiest I had been in years and even though she's way younger than me, I already feel like Aria's more my sister than my niece. I didn't have a dad and Dylan's been more of a dad to me than a brother. Is that weird to say?"
"It's how I've felt since you came into my life," said Dylan. "Maybe because of how much younger you are than me."
"I wish I had been adopted by you two," said Erica. "Aria doesn't know how lucky she is to have you guys for her parents."
"Maybe you can remind her of that when she starts telling us how much we've trashed her life," said Dylan.
"You are okay with living in Finland, then?" Brenda asked Erica. "We will be moving to Italy, but later down the line. Probably not 'til Aria's a toddler."
"It's better for Bren right now if we don't uproot her from everything she's become accustomed to," Dylan elaborated.
"I like it," said Erica. "It's a nice change of pace."
"There is one stipulation for you living with us," said Dylan.
"Which is?"
"You can't date Ryan Sanders," said Dylan.
He was scolded by Brenda for his joke, who told Erica that there were zero stipulations for her to live with them.
"You can't tell her that," said Dylan when Erica had taken her leave.
"Is Ryan really so bad?" asked Brenda.
"Even if he isn't, he's still Steve Sanders' younger brother," said Dylan.
"Maybe Steve Sanders' younger brother would know how to treat our Erica the way she deserves," said Brenda.
"If you encourage Sanders, he's gonna make Aria the subject of his matchmaking scheme eventually," said Dylan.
"Not for many, many years," said Brenda.
"You didn't see Steve playing matchmaker to half of our third grade class," said Dylan.
"Aria's still got eight years until then," said Brenda.
Nothing Dylan said convinced Brenda that Erica dating a Sanders was a horrible idea.
It bothered him more than he was willing to let on, seeing Brenda's ex examine their child.
A nurse had visited in the first week following the birth, both to check on the wellbeing of Aria and of Brenda.
Dylan would have preferred for the home visits to continue.
He told himself that throwing his marriage in König's face would be immature and petty, two traits he was attempting to shed.
He thought Brenda may have noticed his struggle, the way she stepped a little closer to him as they waited for Luca to finish the examination.
"The child is in perfect condition," Luca announced.
"I could've told you that," said Dylan.
"And how is the mother?" asked Luca.
"The mother is fine," said Dylan.
"The mother can answer for herself," said Brenda.
"Yeah, the mother can answer for herself," Dylan mumbled.
He apologized to Brenda when they had returned to the car and Aria had been placed into her carseat.
"You don't have to be jealous." Brenda traced Dylan's jaw. "I married you, didn't I? Not him."
"It just wasn't easy," Dylan released the breath he was unaware he had been holding. "Knowing my kid and the woman who used to be my girl were out with that guy. Knowing the reason was because I'd driven you away. It's not that I dislike him or anything, 'cause I don't. It's not that I wanted to win and for him to lose like you're some kind of prize. You are my prize, Bren, but not that kind of prize. But it still ain't easy."
"I appreciate that you're trying," said Brenda. "But I'm serious. If Luca being Aria's pediatrician gets to be too much for you, then you have to make sure you tell me and we'll find another one."
"You're in my passenger seat," said Dylan. "Our daughter's buckled into her carseat in my backseat. König's going home without either of you. That should be good enough."
"And there it is," said Brenda. "You're not upset over Luca. You're upset about what the result would have been if Luca had been in your place during the guardianship hearing."
Dylan paused from putting the keys into the ignition.
"Woman, how do you always do that?" he asked.
"I guess I'm just that good," said Brenda with a soft kiss to Dylan's lips. "Baby, neither Aria nor I judge you for what you did in your past."
"You don't," said Dylan, "but the Judge does. And I have to somehow deal with the fact that the decisions I've made keep hurting my family."
"No, you don't." Brenda turned Dylan's head in her direction. "Look at me," she emphasized. "You don't. Aria and I; you aren't hurting us. We aren't going anywhere, baby."
"I should've been able to get guardianship of you, Bren. It shouldn't've been Brandon. It should've been me, and it couldn't be because no court trusts me with my own family."
"It doesn't matter what the court thinks," said Brenda. "Didn't you tell me that?"
"It matters when they have the power to decide whether you and Aria can stay in my life," said Dylan.
"Then we take the power back," said Brenda. "It's as simple as that. No Judge can separate me from my husband, or my daughter from her father."
Dylan rested his hand on Brenda's cheek.
"God, I love you so much right now," he said.
"I would hope so," said Brenda, "or I would've needed to remind you how many hours I spent laboring with your kid."
Dylan gave a hearty chuckle as he moved in to bestow upon Brenda a passionate kiss.
He pulled away as Aria started fussing.
"I think she's ready to go home," he said.
"I think she wants ice-cream first," said Brenda.
Dylan arched both eyebrows.
"I thought the cravings were done?" he asked.
"You don't need to be pregnant to crave ice-cream," said Brenda.
"Alright," said Dylan, "ice-cream first, then home."
"Let's get some for everyone," said Brenda. "We can surprise them."
"Everyone, including Steve?" asked Dylan.
"Yes. He's everyone."
"That's a lot of ice-cream, Mrs. McKay."
"Which we can easily afford, Mr. McKay."
"The others can also afford their own ice-cream, you know."
"The others aren't my super generous husband, whose generosity will be rewarded greatly."
Dylan's interest was piqued.
"Rewarded how?" he asked.
"You'll only find out if you buy lots of ice-cream."
"I'm pretty sure they call that blackmail, Bren."
"Blackmail." Brenda sat as if in a trance.
"Bren?" Dylan waved the back of his hand in her face. "You still with us?"
"Dylan! Blackmail! That's it!"
"Babe, you've lost me."
"You said Dad said Mom's being blackmailed, right?"
"Right." Dylan dragged out the word in his confusion.
"And that Victor told Dad that the Malones were also being blackmailed," Brenda continued.
"Yeah…"
"So what if what Val said, about being worth thousands to Abby, was Abby trying to sell off Val before the alleged blackmailer knew of Val's existence?" Brenda suggested.
"Still not following."
"Dylan, what if - what if Abby cheated on Victor? What if there is a blackmailer, and Abby used that person's existence to her advantage so that Victor and, therefore, my dad, would keep watch on the wrong guy? The guy she cheated with? Making sure the real blackmailer got away with everything?"
"Bren, are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Brenda was pumped full of more energy than Dylan had seen in her since well before her accident.
"What if Victor Malone isn't Val's father?" Brenda concluded, as Dylan swerved to narrowly avoid the passenger door of the car that had swung out beside them.
Bless Arthur James Wilson and his invention of the side mirror.
-x
Unsure of whether another chapter in any of my stories will come out before Monday, so if it doesn't, may you all have a delightfully merry Christmas, a happy Kwanzaa, St Stephen's Day, winter solstice, or whatever else you celebrate (or don't celebrate.) I had rather hoped to update all four before the year's end, but this way, there's at least one new update.
Sources: Google and the websites for CDC's HIV section, City of Helsinki's healthcare section, Pump Station & Nurtury, What to Expect Community forum, University College London.
(Shout-out to Crystal and KJ to express my continued gratitude and appreciation, as well as those of you whose review I could respond to directly. Crystal, whilst I did entertain the idea of Cindy and Jim divorcing, ultimately I preferred the idea of them - mainly Jim - growing and salvaging their marriage. KJ, Val seemed like she needed a bit of that closure with Tom, and this way David could be seen as lacking jealousy when it comes to Tom because he appreciates what Tom means in Val's life, which therefore means David has also grown! Good David! After how much of the pregnancy Dylan had missed and everything he's gone through with Brenda's medical crises, it only felt right to me that he successfully deliver the baby.)
If you aren't yet listening to Shannen's new podcast, what are you waiting for?!
Thanks a million! x