It was nine-forty-five the next morning when I opened the door to the fertility clinic and let Casey pass in front of me. She moved to the front desk and checked it. When we turned to take a seat, I have to admit I grew just a little uncomfortable. I was the only male in the waiting room and all eyes were on me.
Casey picked up on my unease almost immediately. Which only reaffirmed why she was the perfect woman for me. "I'll understand if you'd feel more comfortable waiting in the truck," she said.
My brave woman. Always thinking of others while still trying to be strong. I know how much finding out if she's infertile means to her and I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't there for her when she needed me most. I smiled and squeezed her hand. "I've faced situations that were more uncomfortable than this. I'll be okay."
"Well," she paused and glanced around the room at the other women. Many of them had been looking at us but quickly looked away when they met Casey's gaze. "If, you're sure."
"I'm sure," I said as I lifted her free hand to my lips and pressed a kiss against her knuckles. No matter how uncomfortable this got, I was sticking. That was after all what loving someone was about, right? Being there for them through the good times and the bad, or in this case, the stressful.
We took a seat at the far end of the room and Casey began filling out the paperwork the receptionist handed her. I noted how her hand shook whenever she paused in her writing. It was obvious that the outcome of this visit was worrying her more than she was willing to admit. If I was being completely honest, it was more important to me than first thought. I meant what I said when I told her that if she couldn't have children, then we'd figure out another way. Yet the thought of seeing her round with my child tugged on something deep and primal inside me.
We only waited about fifteen minutes before she was called back. Much to my surprise the nurse didn't protest when I stood and followed behind her. She checked Casey's weight and temperature and then led us into a large exam room where we spent the next five minutes answering the nurse's questions. I guess they expected spouses to attend.
"Okay," the nurse said as she minimized the computer screen, then motioned to the sheet and hospital gown sitting on the exam table. "I need you to change into that gown. Everything below the waist comes off. We provided you a blanket, but if you're still cold I can bring you another one." She turned to address me. "Would you like to step into the hallway while she changes?"
Before I could answer Casey let out a panicked sounding 'no'. She took a deep breath. "I mean that's okay. I'd like for him to stay."
"No problem," the nurse replied. "The doctor will be with you in just a couple of minutes." She closed the door leaving us alone.
"Are you sure you don't want me to step out while you change?"
Casey shot me a look that screamed I was an idiot for asking. "It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."
She had me there.
Once she changed into the gown and scooted onto the exam table, she took a shuddering breath. "Why am I so nervous?"
I pushed up from the chair I was sitting in and crossed to her. "Because this is important to you," I replied as I took her hand in mine.
For a moment she simply stared at me before she finally spoke. "I thought I'd accepted the fact that I wouldn't be a mother, but deep down I've had this yearning. After falling in love with you that yearning has only grown. I want to be able to give you a baby when we're ready."
I leaned down and pressed my lips to her temple. "Whatever the result of today is, we'll deal with it together and we will make it work."
She started to speak but closed her mouth when there was a knock on the door. "Are you ready," the muffled voice asked.
With my free hand, I reached behind me and opened the door. "We're ready."
A petite brunette with curly hair walked into the room and closed the door. "I'm Doctor Pickering." She extended a hand for me to shake.
"Lester Santos," I replied then motioned to Casey. "This is my fiancé, Casey Miller."
Doctor Pickering turned her attention to Casey and shook her hand. "It's very nice to meet you." Then she stepped back and took a seat on the rolling stool. "So." She looked from me to Casey. "I only see Ms. Miller on the schedule for testing. Generally, when couples are having fertility issues, we make a point to test each spouse. I apologize if my staff didn't make that clear when you scheduled the appointment, but we can still get you in today if you want."
"Get me in?" A split second of confusion claimed my thoughts before I understood exactly what she meant. My eyes widened. "Oh. No, my fertility isn't in question." As far as I knew my swimmers worked just fine.
A look of sympathy and understanding crossed the doctor's face. "Infertility isn't only a female problem, Mr. Santos. In fact, male infertility is found in one of every three couples who get tested."
"I know that," I replied. I didn't, but damn, she'd knocked me off balance with that line of questioning and I was scrambling to find my footing again. "But I promise you I'm not infertile."
"How do you know," Doctor Pickering challenged. "Have you fathered children?"
"Well, no."
"Then it is possible," she replied. "I understand this isn't something any man wants to believe can happen to him, but the sooner we get you both tested the sooner we can formulate a plan to correct whatever might be the problem. That starts with you giving us a sample."
Before I could answer Casey spoke up and saved my ass. "Lester and I have only been together for a few months," she said. "I was previously married for seven years and despite letting nature take its course I never got pregnant. So, I'm the one with the question mark hanging over my head."
Doctor Pickering's brows went up and she gave a slight nod. "Oh, I see. In that case, we'll start working you up. Before you leave, I'll have the nurse draw blood for a workup. If the issue is hormonal, we should be able to treat it. We'll also do a pap test, pelvic exam, and an ultrasound today. Depending on what answers we get from the exam and ultrasound I may set you up for other tests."
"Other tests?" Casey echoed. "What kind of other tests?"
"Let's get these done first," Doctor Pickering offered. "Then, if I think the other tests are necessary, we'll go into them in more detail. Okay?"
Casey nodded.
"Okay. I'm going to call in my nurse to help." She motioned to me. Mr. Santos, you're going to want to stand with your back to me and keep your eyes on your fiancé. Don't turn around until I give you the okay."
Feeling just a bit queasy, I nodded and then turned to look at Casey. I'd somehow entered into territory that no man who wasn't a doctor would ever want to find himself in. Yet, Casey made it clear that she needed me here with her. Considering I wasn't the one lying half-naked on the table, I needed to suck it up.
Despite not being able to see exactly what was going on behind me, the expression on Casey's face told me when the doctor began the exam. She kept her eyes locked on my face, so I could see every tiny wince she made. I'll tell you one thing; I was quickly developing an entirely new level of respect for women and what they have to go through.
"Okay, Mr. Santos. You can look now."
She moved the tray with the tools away, stood, and crossed to the sink to wash her hands. "So, I didn't feel anything abnormal with the exam."
"That's good," Casey said, and Doctor Pickering nodded in agreement. "It takes about a week to get the results of the pap test. We'll put a copy of the report in your portal, but we'll call if anything comes back abnormal. I'm going to let the ultrasound tech know you're ready and she'll be right in."
It only took a few minutes for the tech named Sarah to get everything set up and Casey positioned correctly.
I'm not ashamed to admit the queasy feeling returned when I realized what kind of ultrasound she intended to perform. I turned back to look at Casey's face and she grinned. "You're looking a little green," she whispered.
"I might be feeling a little green," I admitted.
"Okay, Casey," Sarah said. "You're going to feel a little pressure."
Casey slid a side-eye toward the tech and nodded, then turned her attention back to me. "You, okay?" she asked as her brow knit.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" I asked.
"I'm not the one who looks like he's going to pass out," she replied.
"I'm not going to pass out," I shot back. "The guys would never let me live it down if I did."
"I wouldn't tell on you," Casey replied. "It could be our secret."
"Like riding the carousel was supposed to be our secret," I asked.
She shrugged. "I can't help it that Hector spotted you on the security cameras."
At least there weren't any cameras here.
"Um…" Sarah said, catching our attention. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to go get the doctor."
My heart stopped and I whipped my head around to look at Sarah. "Why? What's wrong?"
She shook her head as she set the evil-looking wand in its holder. "Nothing is wrong. I just want her to look at something. Give me just a minute."
Before either I or Casey could question her further, she disappeared out the door. Casey tightened her grip on the hand she was still holding. "She found something. I knew it. My family was right. It was my fault I couldn't get pregnant."
"Hey now." With my free hand, I reached out to brush the loose hair from her face. "None of that. You don't know what, if anything, is wrong. So, let's not worry until the doctor tells us there is something to worry about. Okay?"
She sucked in a long-ragged breath and nodded.
A few minutes later Sarah returned with Doctor Pickering. "Okay, Casey. We're going to do this again. So, just relax."
A tense silence filled the air as Sarah began the process again. I may have told Casey not to worry, but that didn't mean my heart wasn't threatening to beat out of my chest right now.
It only took a few moments before Sarah took her one hand off the keyboard and pointed to the screen. "Right there," she murmured to Doctor Pickering.
I could see the screen but didn't have a freaking clue of what it was they'd found. I could only hope that it wasn't anything too terrible. Otherwise, Casey would be devastated.
"Move a little to the left," Doctor Pickering said to Sarah. The image on the screen flickered and changed just a little, but I still couldn't make it out.
"Well, Mr. Santos," Doctor Pickering began as she turned her attention to me and Casey. "It appears that you were correct. There isn't anything wrong with your fertility. Nor is there anything wrong with Ms. Miller's."
"How do you know that?" Casey asked.
Doctor Pickering moved closer to the monitor screen and pointed to a small dark spot with an even smaller light spot inside it. "Can you see that?"
"Yes," Casey and I replied at the same time.
Doctor Pickering smiled. "That's your baby."