Ehhh… I don't really have a good excuse this time. Yeah, it's been a couple of years. Life happened. But here I am, approaching 30, with damn near nothing that I wanted out of life.
Fuck it, we ball.
"By the by…" He'd said almost lazily as they sat at the dinner table, "How did a peasant such as yourself acquire such fine garments?"
The ornate table they were seated at could've accommodated roughly 30 people, but Zelda felt Vaati's overwhelming presence as if he were seated right next to her. She didn't miss the calculating look in his eyes; he knew she wasn't all she appeared to be, and he was doing his damnedest to peel away what was truth and what was deceit.
She had wondered when he'd grow suspicious of the fine gown she was wearing. It was a silky, powder-blue dress adorned with pearls; nowhere near as opulent as her usual royal garb, but it was certainly more than any peasant girl could hope to wear, even on her wedding day.
"Oh, I, well…" She floundered, once again using genuine nerves to suggest the illusion of a love-struck damsel. "My dear Raphael bought it for me… he wanted me to meet him in his gardens the night you took me, dressed like a real lady. He said it would be a… taste of the life I'd have when we were wed."
Vaati rolled his eyes. "He sounds like quite the romantic. How nauseating."
There was an awkward silence and the sound of silverware scraping across plates. Zelda had to stop herself from lapsing back into formal etiquette, opting instead to use the various forks and spoons randomly. She felt a jolt of triumph when she saw the sorcerer smirk at her use of the desert spoon with their entree.
"Speaking of nauseating," he cleared his throat, "This… dish. What did you say it was, again?"
"Goron Potluck Surprise!" She chirped, in a desperate but poorly executed imitation of cheer. "Why, it's, it's all the rage among us countryfolk!"
Letting the crown princess cook her own meals would've been an affront to both the dignity of the royal family, and the competency of the royal chefs who'd so painstakingly built their careers. As such, Zelda had obviously never learned to cook. She'd been permitted to try baking cookies once as a child, but it was more of a lesson in appreciating the hard work of her subjects than anything else. Cooking Vaati dinner had been yet another mountain to climb. She'd entered the kitchen planning to make a simple stew; meat, vegetables, gravy. Then halfway into dumping ingredients onto the counter she'd realized that she hadn't the slightest idea how to even make gravy. Eventually she settled on the theory that perhaps blending stewed carrots and tomatoes would make that brown, savory goodness she was searching for. The result was… odd. So then she had, naturally, assumed it needed something to give it some richness, and added oil. Seasonings were generously applied as well, but something was still missing. Cheese turned out to not be the best idea, as the chunks did not want to fully melt. Potatoes and meat were added last. Zelda found herself warring with the impulse to add something truly vile, but guessed that Vaati would insist she partake of the meal (a guess she was glad to have made).
All in all, it wasn't… terrible for a first attempt. She hoped. It was edible, even if only barely.
Vaati did not look convinced in the slightest, but ate without further complaint.
After dinner was concluded, Zelda once again followed Vaati to the parlor they were in the previous night. Waving lazily, he effortlessly rearranged the pillows he had kicked about in anger not so long ago. Vaati dropped onto a large cushion that lie on the floor with a dramatic flourish, and sighed loudly.
"Let's get this over with," he said.
"Now let's see, where were we…" she muttered to herself, opting to sit primly on the couch.
"That, oh what's his name, Balbi-Bala, he was in trouble. Got trapped in the cave of the forty thieves."
"Ali Baba," she corrected, "And yes, he was stuck in the cave, but that wasn't the trouble. The real trouble was what came after he got out of the cave..."
Ali Baba, though a righteous man, did find himself enamored with the riches in the cave, and did in fact take a few trinkets for himself. He expected his brother Kasim to be nothing short of satisfied with their newfound riches, and yet, he was. Kasim insisted he was owed a share. Ali Baba, of course, had naturally intended to split the treasure with his brother, but Kasim would have none of it. His brother's success had made him brazen, and eager to take advantage of their blessings. He set off for the cave of the forty thieves on his own. Ali Baba begged him not to go, but Kasim remained stubborn. So Ali Baba offered what little help he could to his brother, by gifting him sesame biscuits to tame the dragons with. It was also a way to remind Kasim of the magic words which opened the cave. You see, Kasim was quite a forgetful man. This proved to be his downfall, when, after calming the beasts, he no longer had a way to exit the cave once he'd gathered his own share of spoils.
However, it was at that precise moment that Black Coda and his men returned to the cave. Poor Kasim never stood a chance, and it was not until he felt Black Coda's sword run him through that he finally remembered the passcode, the words "open sesame" tumbling uselessly from his lips as the light left his eyes. The thieves displayed his body publicly, as a warning sign to all who would dare to cross them in the future.
Ali Baba may not have been the one who died, but he lost his only beloved brother, and would bear the guilt of it for the rest of his life.
Possibly the only comfort from his newfound riches was that Ali Baba was able to provide Kasim with a lavish funeral- one so extravagant that the village spoke of it for weeks. He figured it was only right to give his brother what little he could in death. But Morgiana, Ali Baba's new servant girl, felt differently. She was young, but clever; she feared that if Black Coda and his men heard news of Kasim's burial, they would target what remaining friends or family the man had. Unfortunately for Morgiana and Ali Baba, Black Coda was indeed as clever as he was ruthless. And, sure enough, they followed rumor trails until it lead them to Kasim. They'd even dug up the man's grave to make sure they had the right man. Apparently, thieves didn't mind stealing one bit unless it happened to them.
Black Coda, whose rage continued to boil, swore he would kill this "Ali Baba" and everyone in his house within the next day and night. And so, he and his men hatched a diabolical plot to sneak into Ali Baba's villa...
Vaati, who had been such a keen listener up until that moment, suddenly seemed to lose his focus. A peculiar expression crept across his face, one that almost looked like fear.
She thought nothing of it and chuckled. "Are you worried for Ali Baba? Well, you see—"
"No, no" he said suddenly, waving at her dismissively. "I…"
There was a sort of shift in the atmosphere, though nothing of the arcane nature. Vaati sat up. His eyes seemed unfocused, and he swallowed. There was an odd pallor to his skin.
"Lord Vaati?" she inquired. "Are you… alright?"
She hadn't expected to feel something akin to sympathy for the man, but something was clearly amiss, something he found to be deeply disturbing.
"I…" he hesitated once more.
She was adrift in a sea of anxiety. What in the world could possibly be happening to unnerve the man so?
Finally, he replied, eyeing her warily. "The food. What did you do to the food?"
"I… what?"
"Is this another of your schemes? Did you attempt to poison me?!"
"What?! No!"
His anger was suddenly curbed by what Zelda now understood was likely a wave of nausea. Vaati took in a deep breath.
"Why, then," he asked more mildly, "Am I the only one feeling ill? You seem perfectly fine."
She chewed at her thumbnail. "I do not know. I did not tamper with your food, I promise. Perhaps you are allergic to something?"
He shook his head. "Tell me the ingredients. All of them."
She began recounting her steps. Dimly, she registered the snap of his fingers and him seething at some poor poe to fetch him more water.
"Well I put carrots, tomatoes, oil, cheese, an array of spices, potatoes, meat. That's all."
He blinked, the gears in his mind turning as fast as they could. "And you ate the very same meal?"
"Yes, of course!"
Her next remark came offhandedly; an afterthought that spilled from her lips without her really considering it.
"It could do without the cheese next time, I think…"
There came a sudden sound and she jumped, unable to control herself. She turned to the source, Vaati, who now had one hand clamped over his mouth while the other arm wrapped around his midsection.
"Did you just gag?"
Her question was answered by yet another, identical sound. The next few moments were a blur as she dashed for the nearest thing she could find, a gorgeous (and thankfully empty) vase. Almost as soon as she'd placed it in his lap, the poor man doubled over and emptied his stomach into the innocent pottery.
Quite a night this was shaping up to be.
Though she really didn't have any positive feelings for the man, she certainly knew how undignified it felt to be sick. As such, she'd turned away and walked some paces, creating a decent distance between them. She became curious as the moment stretched, punctuated by the soft sounds of heavy, relieved breaths. She peeked at him from the side of her eyes, feigning nonchalance.
"I… hate you," he huffed, a sheen of sweat on his forehead.
"Well, I didn't force you to eat it," she offered lamely.
The poe returned with a pitcher and glass of water, which Vaati yanked from its ghostly hands.
He continued to grumble after taking a few sips, "I ought to turn you to stone just for witnessing that, much less causing it. You really are a wretched girl."
"Wretch? Hm, that's an interesting choice of words."
The memory was still fresh, too fresh, and Vaati heaved once more.
"I hate you!" he cried again. "I completely, utterly despise you!"
She sat beside him and offered him her handkerchief.
It's a short chapter, I'll admit, but this feels like a good place to leave off for now. Hope I see you all again soon!
I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I always pictured the parlor to be heavily inspired by the kind of architecture and interior design you see in Arabian Nights. Somewhat similar to Gerudo town in Breath of the Wild, I suppose. If I ever had a house, I'd love to decorate it like that…
Also the foreshadowing of Vaati calling Zelda and her fake lover "nauseating" was a hilarious coincidence. It's not stated outright, but what made Vaati sick was the cheese. Zelda didn't like it, so avoided eating anymore of it past her first taste. Vaati, however, ate most of the cheese in his bowl (couldn't resist another rodent joke lol). Sick Vaati is funny, he comes off a lot like Howl Pendragon (book version).
Wait, are these two just Sophie and Howl?!
...SHIT, EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW!
somethingsomethinglifeimitatesart