Marie woke-up the next morning with her mouth parched and a slight headache. Downing the rest of the water on her side-table, she propped herself up on her pillows and squinted at the clock on her mantle. Shit! It's 8:30 already! I missed breakfast! She panicked for a moment before remembering it was Sunday and her day off and she wasn't required to be at meals. Not to mention she had a vague recollection of Lord Kent telling her breakfast would be at 9, as it was sometimes on the weekend.
Realizing she had some time, Marie relaxed back into her bed and snuggled under her duvet. She closed her eyes and indulged herself as her mind started to drift back to the day before, beautiful memories swirling around in her head until she realized that she didn't remember exactly how the night had ended. The last thing she remembered she was drinking port and talking about mind magic with Lord Kent, some flirty banter and then…things were hazy.
Obviously nothing had happened- there was a glass of water on her bedside table and she was in her pajamas— so she must have managed to stumble back at some point because her mind was completely blank. At one point in the evening she had hoped it might end with the two of them sharing a bed, or at least a make-out session on the couch, but alas, she'd have to wait for another night.
Merlin, he is so sexy. She laid there cuddling a pillow replaying their walk in the gardens and some of their more flirtatious exchanges. There was no denying it, her crush on Lord Kent was full-blown and even just thinking about him caused her heart to race and her stomach to drop in the most delicious way. She was obsessed with his voice, his dark eyes, his hands…and she absolutely loved watching the tiniest movements on his stern face when he was irritated, amused, or best of all, giving her a warning.
Even if it was almost too shameful to think about, she replayed those moments when he'd threatened to punish her, or even better yet, actually carried it out. She was especially fond of thinking about the time when he'd actually put her over his knee, pulled down her pajama bottoms, and spanked her bare backside. Her face flushed with embarrassment at the memory, but the rest of her body responded in arousal. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what it felt like being pressed up against his body, feeling his firm, muscular legs beneath her, one arm wrapped around her waist, the warmth of his body all around her while his right hand lit a fire on her naked arse. Oh god. It hadn't been pleasant at the time, but she had enjoyed replaying in it her memory more times than she would ever admit.
She knew she needed to stop thinking about him in that way, but it was addictive. Thoughts of him consumed her as she constantly played out scenarios in her mind, envisioning a future where they were together and he touched her and kissed her and invited her into his bed. Stop it, Marie! You're insane! He's your boss. Besides, he doesn't see you that way. Get a grip.
If it weren't for the fact that her head was pounding slightly, she probably would have allowed herself to get off quickly, but it was distracting enough that she pulled her hand out of her pajama pants and rolled over, grabbing the glass beside hr and refilling it with her wand before gulping it down in an effort to quench the parched, dry feeling in her mouth.
When she glanced back up at the clock it was now 8:52 and she realized she better get a move on. "Fineeee, I'll get my ass up," she moaned to herself, her thoughts still very much consumed by Lord Kent.
By the time she dressed, fixed her hair, brushed her teeth and made it downstairs, she was several minutes late, and Lord Kent was already sitting at the dining table, clearly unimpressed.
"Sorry," she mumbled, flashing him a timid smile.
"I don't appreciate tardiness at meals, Ms. Cloutier. You know better." Snape gave her a particularly pointed look and she withered slightly as she slid into her chair.
"I'm sorry, I lost track of time this morning as I was getting ready." Lies, you wasted 25 minutes fantasizing about him when you should have been getting dressed. Whatever, 25 minutes well-spent!
"We'll discuss the penalty for your oversight during our evening meeting." His voice held no anger, but if Marie was holding out any hope that that would be the end of it, she realized she was mistaken.
"Yes, sir." Part of her was annoyed with herself for being so careless with the time this morning, but she couldn't help the small thrill she felt wondering what kind of penalty it would be. Come on, Marie! Can't you go one day without getting in some kind of trouble!
She loaded some eggs and hash browns onto her plate before realizing that Lord Kent's plate was empty and untouched, it was obvious he had been waiting for her to arrive before serving himself. Now she really felt bad.
"You really should have started without me."
Snape gave her an incredulous look. "I could have, but that would have been exceptionally rude of me. I take my manners seriously, Ms. Cloutier. They are a simple way to show respect and thoughtfulness for others. Something you might keep in mind."
It was a subtle dig, but it had the intended effect and Marie blushed slightly, realizing it was probably best to change the subject.
"I hope Soren had fun with Harry and Teddy, it will be nice to have him back in the manor. I missed him!"
"I'm sure Mr. Potter had his hands full, but I can only presume if he didn't come racing through the floo before now, Soren is still alive and in one-piece. Although I must admit that having him out of the house has been a pleasant reprieve."
"Oh come on, you must have missed him a little bit!" Marie teased, taking a sip of tea.
"About as much as one misses an infestation of Cornish pixies."
"Lord Kent! Don't say that— he's wonderful! And the house just feels so quiet without him."
"Precisely my point." He smirked slightly, enjoying watching Marie getting worked up.
"Well, I missed him, even though I really enjoyed spending the day with you yesterday." Marie gave him a genuine smile, hoping she wasn't making things awkward. "I hope we can do that again sometime."
Snape grew slightly uncomfortable, trying not to think too much about how the night had ended, with her clumsy attempt to drunkenly kiss him and his realization that he had let this go too far. "Yes, about that…"
He paused wondering if he should address things directly, but given how at ease she appeared this morning, he was starting to think she had no memory of it, and maybe that was for the better.
"I wanted to let you know that I will be extremely busy over the next few weeks. I took time I should not have yesterday, but I am working on an important project that will take a significant amount of my attention. So please do not take it personally if you see less of me over the next week or two."
Marie wasn't sure what she was supposed to think about that. His words felt cold and distant, and she wondered if he regretted the time they'd spent together yesterday. But she tried to play it cool, not wanting to overthink it. "Of course, I understand."
"I know today is your day off, but I may need your help with Soren if you are amenable. I will pay you extra for your time, of course, but it is imperative I get back into the lab today. I wasted far too much time yesterday when I shouldn't have."
Well, that answers that. Marie was gutted, but she tried not to let the disappointment show on her face. "No problem. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today."
"We will still meet after Soren goes to bed to review the essay I assigned you last week, however, I think it would be best if we kept the fraternizing to a minimum. I should not have allowed you to drink so much last night. As your employer, that was entirely irresponsible of me."
Now Marie was starting to feel pissed. "I'm a grown adult, Lord Kent, I am perfectly capable of deciding if I want to drink and how much, particularly when I'm not working. I don't need you to allow me to do anything, thank you very much." She was scowling now, the anger in her voice more than obvious.
"You are correct, Ms. Cloutier. However, I should not be the one plying you with alcoholic beverages. Nor should I be sharing them with you alone, after hours…it was wholly inappropriate, and I apologize."
"What?!" Marie didn't even bother to hide her outrage. She scoffed dramatically. "Inappropriate? Are you fucking for real right now? Are you seriously going to talk about what is and is not inappropriate? I think we crossed that line a long time ago, Lord Kent. Or do you go around spanking all of your employees?"
Snape narrowed his eyes. "Lower your voice and mind your language, Ms. Cloutier. In case it has slipped your memory, you and I both consented to an agreement in which I would mentor and discipline you, an agreement I made clear you were welcome to exit from at any point in time without consequence. However, I will not tolerate you insinuating that I have engaged in anything with you that you have not fully consented to."
Marie was hurt more than anything. He was right of course, but she didn't care. She'd allowed herself to develop real feelings for him, feelings that were now being thrown back in her face. Yes, it was silly, but she couldn't help it. And she would have sworn on her life that he was feeling the same way- the entire day yesterday he had acted like he was equally interested in her. Angry tears were building in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, she wouldn't dare give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
"Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better, Lord Kent. But you know this is absolute bullshit." She had an overwhelming impulse to throw her water right in his face, but she knew she'd immediately regret it, so she held back, even if it would have felt amazing.
If she was trying to get a rise out of him, it wasn't working. Snape kept his face completely impassive and took a breath before he responded, his voice even and cool. "I think it's best if we finish this discussion in my study later this evening, at which point I hope you will have your emotions under better control. But since you feel so strongly about things, perhaps it is best to terminate our arrangement so there's no more confusion."
"Fuck off!" Marie got up from the table, slamming her chair into the table so hard the entire piece of furniture jerked forward, rattling all of the china and glassware as she stormed away.
"Ms. Cloutier—" Snape's face had morphed into one of anger, a harsh scold on the tip of his tongue. But before he could finish, Marie turned back to him.
"You're a coward!"
As soon as the word left her lips, Snape leaped from the table, his reflexes like lightning, grabbing her by the arm before she could fully exit the dining room. There was no other word on earth that triggered him like that, and if she was trying to push his buttons, she'd certainly succeeded.
"Let go of me!" Marie attempted to writhe out of his grasp, but it was futile, his hand was like a vice around her wrist.
Instead, he jerked her toward him until he could grasp her firmly by both arms, forcing her to face him, his eyes flashing with anger. "Don't you dare speak to me like that," he hissed, his voice quivering with rage, a direct result of the effort it was taking to keep his emotions from exploding out of him. "I don't know what has gotten into you this morning, Ms. Cloutier, but under no circumstance will I tolerate this kind of behavior— not from you, not from anyone. Do you understand me?"
Marie refused to look at him, gritting her teeth. "Let me go."
"I will let you go when I'm done with you. You are acting like a petulant little brat who is in desperate need of a damn good spanking, which is exactly what you're going to get, unless you wish to invoke your right to terminate our agreement. If so, speak up now."
Despite her best effort, Marie couldn't control her tears, which seeped out against her will, streaming down her face. Of course she didn't want to end things, but she was furious at him. Angry for making her feel like he'd wasted his time with her yesterday, for not returning the feelings she had for him, for making her feel like she was "just" an employee and she meant nothing to him. There was just the tiniest bit of satisfaction that at least she'd finally gotten his full attention and had forced some emotion out of him, even if it wasn't exactly pleasant.
"Well, what will it be?"
When she didn't answer, Snape took her roughly by the hand as he strode out of the parlor to the stairs. "You have one minute to consider your options, but when we get to my study you will either put yourself in the corner and accept your punishment or you will tear up the contract, but either way I'm determined to put an end to this outrageous behavior."
Once in the study, Snape went directly for his drawer, pulling out the agreement they'd both signed. He slapped it onto the desk in front of her. "Your choice, Ms. Cloutier. I don't want there to be any misunderstanding about who gets to make the ultimate decision here."
Marie shook her head, pushing the piece of parchment away. "I don't want to end it."
"Then…Get. In. The corner." His words were sharp, crisp and harsh as Snape clicked his fingers and pointed to the corner adjacent from the door. Surprisingly, Marie complied without another word.
Snape grabbed the contract and put it back in his drawer with a slight slam before sitting back in his chair with his hands tented, attempting to get his own emotions under control. What the hell was that about?
For the next ten minutes, Marie stood in the corner, silent tears streaming down her face while Snape sat equally quiet, attempting to make sense of what on earth was going on. But his patience had been worn thin, and even if his anger was mostly under control, he wasn't determined to teach her a lesson.
Finally, when he was certain about how he was going to handle things, he called her out of the corner. "Come here, Ms. Cloutier."
Once she was standing in front of the desk, he pointed to the chair. "Sit."
He walked around to the front of his desk and leaned back slightly against it, staring into her eyes. "I am honestly appalled by your behavior today. That was a tantrum I'd expect from a five year-old, not a grown woman. Absolutely disgraceful."
"Sorry." Marie said flippantly, making it obvious she didn't really mean it. She was heartbroken and angry, and now a part of her was completely numb, so her words came out flat and devoid of any emotion.
Snape searched her eyes, recognizing that something was different- it was defiant for sure, but that wasn't what bothered him—she was almost… detached. Normally by this point, Marie was truly sorry and resigned to her fate, accepting of her impending punishment, but this was a side of her he'd never seen. It made him nervous, so he tried to soften his voice somewhat. "What is this about?"
"Nothing." Go away. I hate you. I'd never tell you a thing. Why do you even care? Oh right, you don't.
He leaned forward and grabbed her chin in his hands. "Don't lie to me, Ms. Cloutier. You're obviously angry about something. What is it? Are you truly this upset because I said I shouldn't sit around drinking with you all night?"
Marie felt even sillier now, but the implicit judgment in his tone made her even angrier, so she refused to answer him. Fucking prick, don't judge me! You were certainly enjoying yourself last night.
"Well? Answer me."
When she still failed to respond, Snape let go of her face. "I see you're still feeling petulant. Very well, we'll see if we can't fix that with a bit of quality time over my knee. Get up, Ms. Cloutier."
Even if she didn't feel like talking, Marie obeyed. She was like a robot on autopilot, and she stood up, allowing herself to be taken by the wrist to the chesterfield. The very same sofa she'd been sitting on less than 12 hours ago, laughing and sidled up next to Lord Kent as he talked about mind magic and engaged in flirty banter. Bastard. He's pushing me away for no reason. I'm not stupid, he's just a coward afraid of his own feelings.
After taking a moment to remove his frock coat, he carefully undid his cufflink so he could roll up his right sleeve, making it clear he intended to put his arm to good use. When he was satisfied, he sat down in the center of the couch and pulled Marie in front of him.
"You've been extremely disrespectful since the moment you arrived late to the table, filled with nothing but defiance in your actions, your words and your tone. When you didn't like what I had to say, you got up rudely from the table, shouting profanities and calling me names. You like to profess that you're a grown woman, but instead of engaging in calm, mature, and rational conversation, you threw a fit like a recalcitrant child. So if that's how you want to act, that's exactly how I'll treat you…Take down your trousers."
Surprisingly, after flashing him a brief look of pure vitriol, Marie dropped her hands to her waist, not bothering to argue or plead with him. In fact, she barely acknowledged him before she popped open the button on her jeans and pulled down the zip. Internally of course, she was starting to feel nervous, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her fear. Instead she was determined to act like none of it bothered her and she couldn't care less, she was sure that would unnerve him much more.
"All the way down."
Once her jeans were suitably unbuttoned, Marie had to wriggle them down, working a bit to get the tight fabric over her ample backside. The whole process was far more humiliating than she anticipated, but she kept reminding herself that it would be over soon…and besides, she was a grown ass woman, what could he really say or do to her? If she didn't react, she was sure that would get to him more, so she put every ounce of her energy into keeping her face unbothered.
"Come here, place yourself over my knees." Snape was dragging this out painfully, insisting on her full cooperation at each step along the way—he wanted her to be acutely aware that she was consenting to all of this. That she was the one choosing to participate in every single part of this. He'd made it clear she could put a stop to it at any point, but so far she had not.
Marie hesitated for a brief moment and Snape pulled her gently on her arm, bringing her around to his right side. "Now, Ms. Cloutier."
Attempting to put herself in position was awkward, and it just fueled her embarrassment further, her trousers now bunched below her knees as she attempted to place herself over his lap. Finally she leaned over and put her stomach on his thighs, her hands flailing out toward the floor. For some reason it was far, far worse having to do this herself, and she was glad he couldn't see her face which was now burning with shame.
At this point, Snape shifted her around, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in toward him tightly before repositioning her in such a way that she was in the absolute perfect spot for him, her upper body resting on the couch, her arse now perfectly placed in the middle of his lap. After admiring her briefly, he put his fingers in the elastic waistband of her knickers, pulling them down slowly until they too were resting far below her knees.
The cold air on her exposed skin caused Marie to shiver slightly, although she knew it was mostly out of fear and anticipation. She was beyond humiliated at this point, and her arse was tingling, as if it knew full-well what was about to come. She just hoped he would get it over with quickly, every single second she was laying there with her exposed bum felt like the longest second of her entire life and she did everything she could to imagine herself anywhere else.
"Your behavior today has been abysmal, Ms. Cloutier. So now you're going to ask me—politely—to spank your bare bottom, because you've been an extremely rude and disrespectful little girl who is in desperate need of being taught some manners."
Marie's face burned a dark red, there was no possible way she was going to be able to say that, so she remained quiet as a silent act of rebellion.
"I can wait here all day. But for every minute you keep me waiting, there will be an additional minute you spend over my knee having your bottom thoroughly punished. It's up to you how long we carry on."
"Please," Marie finally said. "Just get on with it." It was its own kind of torture laying there with her naked arse up, waiting for him to begin. She just wanted it to be over, but it hadn't even started yet.
"No. You will say 'I've been an extremely rude and naughty girl, please spank my bare bottom to remind me of my manners.' After that, I will begin."
Snape had to admit he was quite enjoying this, watching Marie battle internally while staring down at her pale but shapely arse, knowing it would be crimson before he was done. All while she struggled terribly to say the simple words he'd laid out for her. It was the perfect way to deal with her defiance, and he reveled in the mental game he was playing with her, one he knew for certain he would win.
"I can't…please, Lord Kent."
His plan was working, Snape could feel her breaking down, the tone of her voice was no longer filled with anger and defiance, but desperation. Begging. It was delicious, but he held his ground.
"You're up to two additional minutes already, Ms. Cloutier. I advise you to find your words or at this rate, you won't be able to sit for the rest of the week."
Finally, Marie relented. "Please spank me."
"Were those the words I asked you to say? Try again, Ms. Cloutier."
Marie groaned in frustration, wanting so badly to tell him to shove it up his own ass, but it was kind of hard to be taken seriously (or to effectively backtalk) while bent over someone's knee. She wanted to hold out from pure spite, but she didn't know how much longer she could lay there with her bare bum sticking out knowing that each second that ticked by would just mean longer over his lap. It was a losing battle, and she knew it.
"I"ve been really rude, please spank me." The words came out forced and flat, but she hoped it would be enough.
"Tsk tsk tsk tsk," Snape clucked patronizingly. "You're getting closer, but I'm afraid that's not it. It's truly not that difficult, Ms. Cloutier, you're just being stubborn. Shall I repeat what I want you to say once more?"
"No, sir…" Marie was scathing. How dare he put me through this. Who does he think he is? Bastard. But it was hard to take a battle of wills seriously from the position she was currently in. She knew she could end it and get up and walk away with her dignity mildly intact, but she knew in her heart that she would regret it. Even if she was angry with him right now, she wasn't ready to give up on this dynamic between them, the nightly meetings, and the fact that he had promised to take care of her. She needed it, even if she hated him in the moment.
"It's three minutes now."
"UGHHH—-Fine." Marie took a deep breath and closed her eyes, forcing herself to say the most humiliating thing she could possibly imagine. "I've been a rude and naughty girl, please spank my bare bottom and remind me of my manners."
Her words had come out quickly and dripping in disdain, but Snape was pleased nonetheless. "I most certainly will, Ms. Cloutier."
And with that he brought his hand down hard on her right cheek, before repeating it five more times, causing Marie to yelp loudly before he repeated the same sequence on the left side. After that, he went to town, laying down extremely hard smacks until he'd covered every inch of her backside in bright pink handprints.
He paused briefly before adjusting her slightly and then delivering a dozen brutal smacks to each of her sit spots, cruelly slamming his hand down over and over on one side before he moved to the other, the intensity of the building sting causing Marie to gasp and cry out. This was by far the worst spanking she'd ever had from him, and she knew instinctively that it was far from over.
Gradually he began to pick-up the pace until he was spanking her so hard and fast she could barely catch her breath. Snape worked his way up and down both sides of her backside, and then onto the tops of her thighs causing Marie to cry out and writhe from the particularly painful blows on far less padded skin.
Once things really got started, Marie regretted every single second she spent refusing to say that ridiculous line at the beginning, because now the spanking was dragging on to the point that she wasn't sure she'd survive it. She cried out and begged, "Please, please, I'm sorry! Please stop! I'm sorry I was rude!"
"Two more minutes, Ms. Cloutier. This could have been over a minute ago if you'd followed directions. Maybe next time you'll do as you're told with far less fuss. You only have yourself to blame."
Snape rarely lectured when he spanked, preferring to save his words for before and after, when he had the person's full attention, but he couldn't help himself to interject a few reminders as he went along. Particularly because he knew this would be a long, drawn-out punishment.
"It is unacceptable to raise your voice and use disrespectful language. And you most certainly do not get up from the table in the middle of the meal, nor do you sling chairs and furniture about the house like a spoiled little brat."
"I'm sorry!" Marie cried out, feeling thoroughly regretful of her little tantrum. Even though she'd felt justified at the time, looking back now, he was right, it wasn't exactly befitting of an adult. "Please, I've learned my lesson! I'll never act like that again"
"Oh, I don't think so. And then when I asked you questions, you refused to speak to me, continuing your self-indulgent acted like a petulant, spoiled little girl, and do you know what happens to petulant little children?" He paused for a moment, forcing her to answer. "Answer me, Ms. Cloutier, or I will add time for every additional second that goes by."
"They get punished."
"Yes, they do. How do they get punished?"
She hated, HATED that he was making her say the words. It was almost more painful than the spanking itself (almost), but she couldn't bring herself to speak.
Irritated at her delay, he gave her several harsh smacks to the back of her thighs, which were especially painful and sensitive. "Ow! OW! They get spanked!"
"That's right. Bratty, naughty, rude little children get their bare bottoms thoroughly spanked."
Marie was ready to die. The humiliation was worse than anything she'd ever experienced before, but on top of that the physical pain of his spanking exceeded anything she thought possible with just his hand, even on her bare skin. This was leagues beyond the little bedtime spanking she'd gotten, which had stung but had been fairly straightforward and not nearly as long or as hard. But now he was making sure he really taught her a lesson and suddenly all of those times she'd heard him threaten a "proper" spanking, she now realized this is what he meant. It was absolutely brutal.
Snape glanced at the clock, he was going to give her one more minute and make it count, so he stopped talking and put his whole focus into driving the message home. He spanked her hard and fast without a single drop of remorse or mercy until he knew she was reaching her limit, crying loudly from deep inside, her body giving in to the pain as she stopped fighting and put her head in her hands and just let go.
Finally he stopped, placing his hand on her back and then rubbing gentle circles. At this point Marie was a sobbing mess, and every inch of her backside was a dark cherry red, with a few places he could see the outlines of his fingers with a bit of purple.
"Have you learned your lesson, Ms. Cloutier, or do we need to continue."
"No! Please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, no more."
"Very well." He longed to rub her thoroughly abused flesh, to hold her and console her but instead he tenderly pulled her knickers up over her inflamed skin. "You may get up and replace your trousers when you're ready."
Marie stood quickly and bent down to pull them up, wincing as she pulled the tight, rough fabric over her bruised arse, tears still steadily flowing.
Snape handed her a handkerchief and allowed her a moment to continue crying as she arranged her clothes, walking over to the bar cart to pour her a glass of water. "Here. Sit down. Compose yourself."
Several more moments passed as Marie cried and attempted to dry her tears, sipping on water and breathing as she waited for her body to stop hitching with every inhale. When it was obvious she was finally at a place of calm, Snape spoke.
"Is there anything you'd like to say?" He stood over her, hoping she knew by now what he wanted to hear.
"I'm really sorry for the way I acted earlier, it was rude and disrespectful, I should not have cursed at you or called you names, and I shouldn't have left the table that way."
Snape nodded. "You were completely out of order. And if I ever hear you curse at me like that again, not only will you get a far worse spanking, I will wash your mouth out with soap for good measure. It is completely unacceptable."
"Yes, sir. I know. I'm sorry." She was crying real tears of remorse now, and he could see she regretted her behavior.
"Good. Now I want you to thank me for giving you the spanking you so richly deserved. Be precise, Ms. Cloutier, you know what I want to hear from you." He stared down at her with an expectant face.
Marie sighed, but at this point she knew her only choice was to give him exactly what he wanted. There was no way in hell she was risking going back over his knee for a single second. "Thank you, Lord Kent, for spanking me, I deserved it for being so rude and disrespectful."
He gave a nod of approval. "You're welcome. But I do not ever, ever want to see such egregious behavior from you again."
"I won't, I swear." Her breath hitched a few times, "I really am sorry."
"I can see that." He softened his voice and then sat down next to her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. He didn't want to overdo the aftercare, it might give her the wrong idea, but he wanted to be conscious of how vulnerable she might be feeling at the moment.
"Now then, tell me— what was this all about? What on earth was all this fuss for. And be honest."
Just when Marie thought she couldn't possibly be any more humiliated, she now had to figure out what she was going to say to this. "I don't know…I just didn't like the way you talked down to me."
Snape stared briefly and then raised an eyebrow. "Ms. Cloutier, I in no way talked down to you. I simply made an observation that I should have been more responsible, as both your employer and your mentor, and as someone who cares for you, not to continue to offer you drinks when you were clearly becoming intoxicated. You couldn't even walk to your room last night, or do you not remember?"
Marie's face flushed slightly. "I wasn't that drunk."
"Ms. Cloutier, you stumbled out of here nearly falling on your face. I had to help you into bed and transfigure your pajamas. You were drunk. And if you can't remember that clearly, that should be evidence enough."
"Oh…well, thank you for getting me back to my room." Marie felt a little worse now, if that was even possible.
"I am not saying this because I didn't enjoy the time we spent talking and having a drink, but because I recognize that I should have been acting more responsibly. I allowed my judgment to be clouded in a way I should not have. Particularly since I have a duty to look after you and protect you, and I didn't uphold my own standards of behavior."
"But I am an adult. I can also make decisions for myself."
"Yes, you can. But I should have been more careful. It has nothing to do with you or your ability to make decisions for yourself. It has everything to do with how I see myself and the duty I have to keep you safe."
"I understand. But then you made it seem like you didn't want to spend time with me anymore." Her voice broke slightly as more tears filled her eyes. She realized it sounded immature and a little whiny, but at this point she had little control over her words and emotions, there was something about being spanked past the point of tears that had removed all of her barriers.
Snape sat back and thought for a moment. It was true, and that's what he'd meant, because he'd been distraught thinking about how poorly he'd kept any boundaries with her. And she deserved better than that—she was too young and pretty to want anything to do with him in any meaningful way, but she was also depending on him as a mentor and someone she trusted to care for and look after her- he was sure she viewed him in some ways like a father figure, and he didn't want to break that trust by allowing himself to get too close.
"I told you the truth, Ms. Cloutier. That I have an intense and important task I'm in the middle of. It is a serious, life and death matter and I cannot fail. I have to prioritize that right now, but it has nothing to do with you. I enjoyed our time yesterday, but it was a poor decision on my part because I need every minute I have right now to complete this task and I allowed myself to be distracted."
"You're not just making that up because you don't want to see me any more?"
"Of course not. Believe me, this is the last thing I want to be spending my time on."
"But you said you didn't want to fraternize anymore."
Snape reached up briefly to pinch his nose. "Ms. Cloutier, our situation is intensely complicated, as you pointed out. You are right that it is not a traditional employer-employee relationship, although if that is what you wish, you know that you can request an end to everything else at any point."
"No, I don't want that."
"Very well. But in that case I have a responsibility to you as your mentor or disciplinarian or whatever it is you want to call me. I am in a role where you have put trust in me to look after you and hold you accountable, and I do not want that to be confused. We found ourselves in this situation today because I blurred the lines yesterday. We are not friends—not because I don't enjoy your company and find you charming and engaging—but because I am in an authority position over you and I need to better respect those boundaries. Again, that was my mistake, it has nothing to do with you."
Marie pouted slightly. "But I don't see why we can't still get to know each other or spend time as adults sometimes. I want to continue to get to know you- it helps me trust you more. Good one, Marie. I'm sure he won't see through that at all.
"You're right that you need grown-up interactions and adult conversation— is why it is important that you engage in friendships with other people your age. Why you should take advantage of your days off, and make an effort to connect with your old friends or make new ones. That social outlet is an important part of your well-being. But I am not your friend, nor will I ever be. It will be too confusing. You can always come to me and talk to me, I will listen and give you advice. But we need firmer boundaries, Ms. Cloutier. Otherwise this situation is not going to be of any benefit to you and it will only confuse you and leave you open to misunderstanding, disappointment, and hurt.
But it was too late, Marie was already disappointed and hurt, because she knew what she wanted and he was refusing to be open to it.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, sir." No, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life.
"I will still be there for you, you can depend on me, and I will do everything I can to ensure you are taken care of and all of your needs are being met. We will continue our nightly meetings, and I will always be there if you need to talk to me, for any reason."
Not ALL of my needs. Not EVERY reason. Marie was upset, but she was trying not to show it, she knew there was no way to argue with him at this point.
"Now then, is there anything else we need to clear up?"
"No, sir."
"You are always welcome to your feelings, Ms. Cloutier, and I understand that you were confused and perhaps disappointed by some of the things I said this morning, however, you need to learn how to express yourself properly. Devolving into tantrums, hurling disrespectful words, and storming out is not appropriate adult behavior."
"Yes, sir, I know. I'm sorry."
"You were punished, thoroughly I believe, so we will put this behind us. But I mean it when I say I don't want to ever see that behavior from you again. Particularly not in front of Soren. I can promise you, if you ever act in such an immature way again, I will use a strap and you will know the meaning of a proper hiding, am I understood?"
Marie's face and ears burned with shame. "Yes, sir."
"All is forgiven, we will not speak on this again."
Snape stood up and offered his hand, helping Marie to her feet before rolling down his sleeve and putting his frock coat back on, using his wand to quickly do the long row of buttons.
Marie's backside was still throbbing and feeling like she'd sat on a hornets nest, but there had been something cathartic about the whole thing. Even if she was still disappointed, she felt much better after that little reset. She'd realized that he wasn't pushing her away completely, that he still cared for her and would follow-through, even when she had been quite horrible to him. It was amazing how her perspective and attitude changed after being punished like that.
Snape put a hand under her chin and gently lifted her face. "No more sulking. Please trust me that I have your best interests in mind and I'm trying to do the right thing for you."
"Yes, sir. I know." Tears welled in her eyes when she saw how tenderly he was looking at her. She just wanted him to love her back the same way she loved him. Not as a father or a mentor, but as a man. She reached out for a hug and he pulled her into him briefly.
When he finished hugging her, he put both hands on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "Now then, go get some rest. And finish your essay, or have you even started it?"
"Um, well, kind of…"
"Ms. Cloutier," he said in a warning tone, tilting his head in a way that he knew meant he didn't quite believe her.
"I still have some work to do on it for sure," she amended.
"Yes, so it seems. Do make sure you finish it on time, I'd hate for you to end up being punished for a second time today."
"Oh, I will make sure it's done if it's the last thing I do." There was no way in hell she was going to risk getting punished again anytime soon. Certainly not again today.
"Very well. Take some rest, I will see you at lunch."
He put a guiding hand on Marie's back as he walked her to the door of the study.
Marie went right to her room and as soon as the door closed and locked, she pulled off her trousers and knickers, staring at her bum in the mirror. It was impressive- far far more red (and even blotchy and purple in a few places) than she'd ever seen it. It still hurt like hell and she could feel the heat radiating off of it…but still, she couldn't help but smile when she looked at it. Guess the lesson is not to piss him off. Note to self: he does not appreciate being disrespected or cursed at.
Although she swore to herself she would NEVER ever behave so badly again- the whole thing had been intensely humiliating, and Lord Kent hadn't held back at all on making sure she felt like the immature brat she was being. She cringed and turned red just remembering what he made her say. It was mortifying being made to ask for a spanking and then thank him afterward. Sadistic asshole, he enjoyed that, I know it.
But you enjoyed it too. Stop lying to yourself. OK, maybe not at all while it was happening, but now, oh yes, she was going to feel this for a while, and the memories, no matter how much it made her want the floor to swallow her whole, were going to be hard to stop thinking about.
She kicked her knickers off and threw herself face down onto her bed in only her shirt on, pulverized arse just hanging out in the air hoping that would keep it from rubbing against any uncomfortable fabric. Within a few seconds, she was fast asleep.
Snape sat down at his desk, determined to get his focus back. But his thoughts were still on Marie. He could see and feel the hurt and disappointment in her eyes thinking that he didn't want to spend time with her.
He was so torn, but he was trying to do the right thing for her. Trying to make sure he put her well-being above his own selfish needs and desires. She needed him in so many ways, and he owed it to her to fulfill those roles responsibly.
Besides, how much more complicated would it be if he let things progress romantically. First of all, he was sure it was just a phase. A girl with Daddy issues who developed feelings for the first man who gave her the least bit of care and attention and the discipline she'd always craved. It was like those people who fell in-love with their therapists. It wasn't real, it was projection. And it was dangerous for both of them.
He had sworn off romantic and sexual relationships years ago because they were so messy, because someone always got hurt, because it was impossible for him to let his walls down without ending up disappointed. And realistically he knew he could never be enough, for anyone. Sure, he could pleasure a witch beyond her wildest imagination, but they always wanted more, more than he wanted to give, more than he was capable of. Not to mention he had no desire to settle down into normalcy, build a family, live a mundane life. He wanted his solitude, his personal space, and he didn't want to have to worry about anyone else's feelings or needs. Except, isn't that what you're doing now? Aren't you enjoying it? He pushed the thought away before it forced him to explore feelings he had no intention of unpacking.
No, he was doing the right thing. If anything her little tantrum proved it- she needed structure and boundaries, not a man who would take advantage of her in her vulnerable state. She had a long way to go before she would be in the right place for a healthy relationship, and when she was, it would no doubt be with someone far more worthy than he.
But the more he tried to convince himself, the less convinced he was. And his sick, twisted mind kept going back to her, even her beautiful arse, writhing around on his lap, the cute way she pouted, the flush of her cheeks when he made her repeat those humiliating statements. He had enjoyed that far too much, far more than he ever had before.
God dammit, Severus. Get your shit together and have some self-control. This is not about you, this is about her. Nothing good will come of this if you don't set and keep some boundaries.
Right before lunch, the floo roared and Harry popped out of the green flames with Soren in tow, proudly wearing his new quidditch shirt and a smile a mile wide.
"Father! Ms. Cloutier! I'm back!"
Snape appeared instantly from the dungeons and raised an eyebrow. "What are you wearing? I don't remember the tailor including a quidditch t-shirt with the rest of your clothes."
"Mr. Potter got it for me! Teddy has a matching one, isn't that cool!"
Dragging his eyes to Harry, Snape scowled in disapproval. "He has plenty of proper clothes, Mr. Potter, I don't need you dressing him like a common quidditch hooligan. Not to mention it's far too cold to be in such attire, he'll catch a chill."
"It's just a t-shirt, Lord Kent, a little souvenir from their fun weekend at Uncle Harry's house. And don't worry, I had them wear jumpers when they were outside."
"And guess what else we did, father? We went to Diagon Alley and we had lunch and ice cream, and my favorite flavor is mint chocolate chip! And then we watched a movie and had takeaway and it was so much fun!" Soren couldn't wait to tell them everything.
The scowl on Snape's face deepened further. "You're going to spoil him, Potter. Children need proper nutrition, not a bunch of sugar and rubbish. I suppose you let them stay up all hours of the night as well."
"We didn't even go to bed until after 10, and then me and Teddy stayed up talking cuz we're best friends now!"
Harry chimed in. "That's not entirely true- I did let them stay up to finish the movie, but then I put them in bed and told them to go right to sleep."
Snape rolled his eyes. "Honestly Potter, do you know anything about children? They need rules and structure, and a consistent schedule. They turn into anti-social little gremlins when they're tired, or don't you remember from your schooldays."
"Oh, it was just one day, sir. And the boys had a great time. Everyone deserves a special treat sometimes," Harry winked at Soren. "Besides, he gets plenty of structure here, sometimes it's nice to have a little vacation and go a little wild."
Snape looked over at Soren. "There had better be no tantrums or whining or any other bad behavior as a result of this sleepover, or that will be the last time I allow you to stay over."
"Don't worry father, I'll be good!"
"Speaking of which, did he behave himself while he was there?" Snape crossed his arms and looked at Harry.
"Oh yeah, of course. He was super polite, followed all of the rules, and did everything he was asked to do without a single fuss. He's a really great kid, Lord Kent. Even Ginny said the same thing- we hope our little boy will turn out just as wonderful." Harry ruffled Soren's hair and the boy beamed up at him.
"His finer qualities are the result of discipline and structure, Potter. Not hopes and dreams. It isn't rocket-science." Snape acted annoyed, but he was secretly pleased to know that Soren was the gold standard of children, even for Harry Potter.
"Alright, well hopefully we can do it again sometime. I know Teddy had a great time with Soren as well. Anyway- I should be on my way, Ginny needs me back at the house. The baby could be here any day now, and we've still got a lot to take care of."
Snape gave him a nod. "Soren, thank Mr. Potter and say good-bye."
Soren threw his arms around Harry. "Thank you, Mr. Potter! It was the best weekend ever! Promise I'll see you soon?"
"I hope so, kiddo. A lot will depend on when the baby gets here, but I promise we'll arrange something as soon as we can, OK?"
"OK!"
"Thank you for returning my son in one-piece, Potter. Even if you did bring him back sleep-deprived, hyperglycemic, and dressed in this god-awful shirt."
"I love my shirt, father! It has Hollyhead Harpies on it- that's the team Ginny played on!"
"I beg your pardon?" Snape grabbed at Soren's shirt and pulled him in. "Gone for a day and already forgetting your manners?"
"Sorry, I mean Mrs. Potter. I just forgot cuz Teddy always calls her Ginny."
"No excuse, you know better. Now say goodbye to Mr. Potter."
"Bye, Mr. Potter! See you soon!"
Snape reached up on the mantle to bring down the bowl of floo powder. "Take care, Potter."
"Goodbye, sir. Bye Soren!" And he threw down the powder, disappearing into the flames.
As soon as Harry was gone, Snape turned back to Soren. "Go upstairs and change into something proper, with long sleeves. Do I need to be worried about what else he's sending you home with?" Snape stared at the small knapsack Soren had with him.
"No, sir."
"If I open your bag, am I going to find anything I might disapprove of? You know how I deal with lies, Soren."
Soren blushed slightly. "Well, maybe just one or two things."
"Such as?"
"Chocolate frogs."
"And?"
"That's it," Soren lied, taking his chances knowing that if he told his dad about the toy dragon egg, it would be taken from him before he could ever play with it. It was a cool toy, if you tap it and say the magic words, the egg hatches and a small, faux fire-breathing dragon pops out as a little pet.
Snape looked at him up and down. "Very well, I'll let you keep them, but you will not eat them at night when it can keep you awake. Do you understand? You may have one with afternoon tea, but then there will be no biscuits."
"Yes, sir."
"Very well. Go upstairs and put your things away."
"Where's Ms. Cloutier?"
"I believe she's resting. You'll see her at lunch. Now go get changed. And wash your hands and face."
"But I want to wear my quidditch shirt," Soren whined.
Snape gave him a dangerous look. "I didn't ask you what you wanted to wear, I gave you a specific instruction, and I expect you to obey me. Your shirt is filthy- it is covered in dirt and chocolate, and curry and Merlin-knows what else. Not to mention it is far too cold for a shirt like that, and it reeks. Now go upstairs and change."
Soren pouted, but did as he was told, stomping slightly as he went up the stairs, missing the freedom of Harry and Ginny's house already.
When he got to his room, Soren dug through his backpack and unpacked his toy dragon egg, hiding it at the bottom of his wardrobe. He changed into a clean shirt and pair of trousers, washed his hands and face and started to head back downstairs.
But the guilt was wearing on him. He didn't know why he lied to his father, but now he felt awful. He didn't want to hide anything else from him, he knew he'd probably get caught eventually and knowing that, he wouldn't get to enjoy it anyway. So he went back into his wardrobe and pulled out the small egg, sighing in sadness.
He slunk down the stairs slowly now, knowing he should do the right thing, but worrying he might still get in trouble.
When he arrived back in the parlor, his father was reading in his chair.
"Father," he said quietly, his head down.
"Yes?" Snape glanced up briefly and could see something was wrong, so he folded up his book and gave Soren his full attention. "What is it?"
"I lied." Tears started running down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, father."
Snape was thoroughly shocked, that was the last thing he expected to hear. "Lied about what?" He kept his voice even.
Soren pulled the dragon egg out of his pocket. "I also had this in my bag. Harry let us get a toy. I got this magical dragon's egg- it hatches when you say the magic word and then there's a little baby dragon inside and you can play with them and have them like a pet. You can even train them to do little tricks. They can't hurt anybody or set anything on fire, it's just for fun."
"Give it to me." Snape stuck out his hand and Soren set the egg in his palm. The man looked it over briefly before banishing it somewhere. "Come here."
Slowly, Soren inched closer until his father reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him in between his legs.
"Why did you lie to me?"
Tears were flowing down Soren's face now. "I don't know. I didn't mean to, I was going to tell you and then I thought you'd probably take it away from me and I wanted to play with it."
"I see. So what made you decide to tell me the truth?"
"I knew you'd probably find out and I'd be in trouble. And I don't like how it feels when I'm hiding something from you. When I saw the egg, I knew I wouldn't really have fun if I knew I was sneaking around. I'm sorry! Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not pleased that you lied to me the first time, but I'm very proud of you for coming to me and telling the truth." Snape put his fingers underneath Soren's chin. "Look at me…that was very mature of you."
"Am I in trouble?" Soren gave him the most pathetic little puppy dog look.
"Not nearly as much trouble as you would be in if I'd found out about this later."
Snape stood up and took Soren by the arm to the corner in the parlor. "Five minutes. I want you to think about the importance of telling the truth."
He'd thought about just letting the boy off completely, but he felt he needed to do something, if for no other reason than Soren was expecting it. But he had no intention of being overly harsh with the boy because frankly, he was impressed he'd told the truth of his own free will.
Soren stood quietly in the corner, hoping he'd made the right decision, even though he was sad not to have his dragon egg to play with, there was a certain relief in knowing he wouldn't be caught later. And for sure, 5 mins in the corner was infinitely better than a spanking with that damn ruler.
When his time was up, Snape called him back over to his chair. "Come here, Soren."
"Thank you for telling me the truth. Next time it would be better if you did so at the start, but I am very proud of you for recognizing your mistake and coming to tell me. It goes a long way in building my trust. You're a good boy." Snape patted him briefly on the head.
Soren shocked him by climbing up onto his lap and wrapping his arms around him. "I'm trying to be good, father."
Snape was taken aback, but he hugged the boy in return, patting him gently on the back and allowing him to settle onto his lap. "I can see that."
"Did you miss me? I missed you and Ms. Cloutier." Soren leaned back into him, soaking in the affection.
"Oh really? Somehow I don't believe that. It sounds like you were being spoiled absolutely rotten by Mr. Potter."
Soren smiled. "It was fun, but I still missed you. A little bit. Do you want to know what else we did?"
"Go on." Snape arranged the boy on his lap so he could see his face while he talked.
In true 7 year-old fashion, Soren launched into a whole excited monologue in which he told his father every detail he could think of, completely out of sequence and without any narrative thread whatsoever. He debated whether to tell him about the toy broom, but he figured if he was going to ask for one for Christmas, he should probably put it out there. But what if he was wrong and his father got angry? No, probably best not to tell him after all.
A few minutes before it was time for lunch, Marie came down to the parlor. She was feeling better after her nap, but her backside was still ridiculously sore, so she'd opted for a long, loose skirt instead of the tight jeans she'd been wearing. Her stomach was rumbling (she hadn't actually gotten a chance to eat much at breakfast), but she was dreading having to sit down for lunch.
"Ms. Cloutier!" Soren hopped off of his father's lap and ran toward her, leaping into her arms.
"Oof!" Marie caught him and lifted him up, giving him a big hug. "I'm so glad you're back! We missed you, Soren!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and set him down, holding his hand as they walked back to the parlor. "Did you have fun?"
"I had the best time ever!" Soren was beaming.
"You can tell her all about it later. It's time for lunch. And Soren, what have I told you about running inside? I had better not see you do that again." Snape stood from his chair, and placed his book on the table, and Marie and Soren followed him to the table.
Marie wondered if she had the ability to cast a wandless, wordless cushioning spell, but she wasn't sure if that would get her into more trouble, so she held her breath and lowered herself down slowly.
"Guess what, Ms. Cloutier?" Soren said, kicking his feet under the table in excitement. "Mr. Potter took me and Teddy to Diagon Alley and we got to eat ice cream and go to the shops, he even bought us a Quidditch shirt isn't that cool!"
"That's amazing! What kind of ice cream did you get?"
"Mr. Potter let me try out ten different flavors until I found my favorite, and I liked mint chocolate chip the best. But I also liked chocolate. And strawberry. And cookies and cream."
Snape had to control himself from rolling his eyes at the image of Potter letting the boys gorge themselves on ice cream samples. "Was there any you didn't like?"
"Hmmm," Soren paused to think. "Not really. Vanilla was kind of boring, but it was still yummy. I didn't really like the one with nuts in it. But I'd still eat if I had to."
"A true martyr."
"Will you take me for ice cream sometime, father? If I'm really good?"
There was no way in hell Snape would be caught dead roaming around in Diagon Alley, not unless he had polyjuiced himself, but even then the idea made him nervous. "It's too cold for ice cream. Now quit talking and eat some proper food, you've been living on pure rubbish for the last two days. Eat some vegetables."
Soren scowled to himself but put some of the peas and carrots on his plate, along with the delicious looking cottage pie. "Well, what about when it gets warmer, then will you take me for ice cream?" He looked up at his father expectantly.
"We'll see."
This answer was clearly not enough, and Soren kept pushing him. "How come you never take me anywhere? It was fun going to Diagon Alley, we got to go to the Quidditch store, and then we went to George's joke shop- that was so fun. He has all kinds of crazy things there. Did you know he makes a whole box of things to get out of school? Like a candy that makes you have a fever or a nose-bleed or even makes you puke!"
Marie giggled. "That's quite brilliant, actually. I'm sure he sells a lot of those."
"Disgraceful. And Soren, those are not appropriate things to talk about at the table. That's enough."
"But I want you to take me out. And Ms. Cloutier too. We can all go together, it will be fun! How come you never take us anywhere?" Soren was whining slightly now. "It's not fair, Teddy gets to go out all the time. I'm always stuck at 's boring here."
Snape put his glass down with a small thud. "What did I tell you about whining? If you ever want to stay over with Teddy or Mr. Potter again, you will stop it right now. If I hear you whine again, you'll go to your room. Now eat."
Soren pouted slightly at the rebuke, but did his best not to make it too obvious, lest he be told off for that as well. He shoved a few bites of food in, and the table was quiet for several minutes before he spoke up again, this time being careful to maintain a light, innocent tone.
"I don't understand why you never take us out, father. Can we go sometime? Please?" Soren looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"I am extremely busy right now, and I do not have time to gallivant around in Diagon Alley or anywhere else for that matter. Not to mention, I have no desire to spend my day listening to you beg for toys and candy and Merlin-knows what else that is on offer tempting little children and driving parents to insanity. We have everything we could possibly need in the Manor, but if we do find ourselves in need of something, it can be ordered and delivered with far less fuss than shopping in a crowded market."
Soren's face fell. "I won't ask for anything father, I promise. I just want us to do something fun together."
"We will, Soren, don't worry. When you're father's not so busy, I'm sure we'll have a chance to do something fun all together. And I can always take you out, if your father gives us permission." Marie looked over at Lord Kent, hoping he'd say something to reassure the boy.
"We can discuss it when he's caught up on his reading and schoolwork. For now, that is the only thing you should be focused on." Snape had no way to explain to either of them that there was a reason he never left the manor, but he hoped this would at least end the conversation for now.
"Yes, sir." Soren's voice was soft and his face was thoroughly deflated. He pushed his peas around on his plate with his fork, wishing he could find a way to do more fun things as a family. But it seemed like his father was always too busy or uninterested.
"Quit playing with your peas and eat them, Soren. You're trying my patience."
Soren stabbed at them loudly with his fork and put them in his mouth before letting out a loud, dramatic sigh.
"Soren, would you like to go outside and walk with me after lunch? We can go play in the maze and you can tell me all about your weekend with Teddy and the Potters. I can't wait to hear about it." Marie smiled at him, hoping that would bolster his spirit.
"He needs to nap first, Ms. Cloutier. He was up late last night, and as you can see, it is making him prone to whining and pouting."
"No it's not," Soren argued. "I'm not even tired."
Snape put down his fork and raised an eyebrow. "I was attempting to give you the benefit of the doubt, Soren, but you are on extremely thin ice. You know better than to argue or talk back to me. Frankly, I don't care whether you think you're tired or not, you will be taking a nap. And since I've had quite enough of your cheek, you will leave the table and go to your room right now. And if I were you, I would take this time to sleep because if this attitude continues into the afternoon, there will be no more warnings or leniency, I will start handing out punishments. Do you understand?"
"Yes, father." He scooted his chair back and left the dining room, bolting up the stairs to his room wishing more than anything he was still at the Potters.
Marie felt bad for the little boy. "I think he just wants to spend more time with you, Lord Kent. Doing fun things. Don't you feel like you were a little harsh? I'm sure it's tough for him feeling stuck in the manor all of the time, I actually think it would be good for him to get out more. I don't mind taking him if you need to work."
"When I want your opinion, Ms. Cloutier, I will ask for it." The words were harsh, but he made an effort to soften his tone. He knew his patience was on edge right now— the pressure of trying to fix the Soren situation was becoming overwhelming. And he was starting to worry he would run out of time before he found a solution. Not to mention he was still unsettled about his feelings for Marie. It was all weighing heavily on him.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to be meddlesome. I just wanted you to know that I realize you're busy and I wouldn't mind taking him out sometimes if you wanted me to. But if not, I understand." Marie could see something was bothering him, she knew him well enough now to recognize his moods, so she would make an extra effort to be cautious.
"I appreciate that."
"And please don't worry about him today- I had a day off yesterday, so I'm happy to look after him while you get some work done."
Snape gave an appreciative nod. "Thank you. That would be helpful."
They finished their meal in relative silence, and Snape excused himself to the dungeon, and Marie hustled upstairs to try and finish her essay while Soren was taking his rest.
Pulling out parchment and quills, Marie cursed herself for not starting on this sooner. It's not that she hadn't thought about it, but the assignment was actually quite a difficult one. It required her to think about things that made her uncomfortable.
Write about a time in your life when you didn't receive the love or care you needed, and describe how it made you feel.
The sassy part of her was tempted to write about last night and today, but she knew that would be a terrible idea (even if it made her smile to think about it).
She tapped the quill against the empty page. Surely she'd felt that way a million times growing up, and even after college and as an adult. But it was almost embarrassing to write about. Technically all of her needs had been met growing up, and she knew her parents loved her, they just…didn't fulfill all of her emotional needs. They were far too detached.
For the next several minutes she tried to think about all of the times she'd been most hurt by their nonchalance. There was the time she didn't get invited to Shelly's birthday party in the 3rd grade, a girl she thought was her friend. Everyone else in the class had been invited, except her. And she was so hurt. She went home in tears and cried to her parents, who both told her that it wasn't a big deal, that those parties were silly anyway. She had tried to tell them how hurt she was, how betrayed she felt, and how humiliated she'd been when Shelly had handed the invitations out to everyone except Marie. But her parents simply told her she was over-reacting— being dramatic— it was just a silly kid's party. But it wasn't silly to Marie. It was even worse the day after the party when everyone was talking about it and wearing the slap bracelets they'd gotten as a party favor. Every time she saw one for months her heart broke all over again, she'd felt so left out. But for sure the worse pain had been her parents dismissing her, telling her she was better than Shelly anyway and there were more important things in life. But not to an 8 year-old.
But that was dumb. That was just her being a silly kid.
Next she thought about her last year at Beauxbatons— she was so excited because she'd worked so hard, she was finally going to be recognized in front of everyone. Not just for perfect attendance, but because she'd received the highest grades in anlmost every single one of her classes. She'd gotten O's on 8 of her NEWTs, and was being recognized with a once every hundred years leadership award (she'd been voted "Best Head Girl" by students and staff), and she was being inducted into the Beauxbatons Hall of Fame as an exceptional student-athlete who had captained her quidditch team to three years of championships while also maintaining the highest grades they'd seen in decades. Most importantly to her, she was being recognized for her extraordinary volunteer work, having set-up a tutoring and mentor program for younger students and muggle-borns.
Everyone else's parents had been there, even those who hadn't won an award. She'd been sure her parents would show up, but they didn't. And she was heartbroken. All of the awards in the world didn't mean anything to her if her parents weren't there to see it, appreciate it, celebrate it with her. When she wrote to them asking what happened, her mother had sent back a quick note saying that her father had been feeling a little under the weather, but "Congratulations, we're proud of you!" When she'd replied how hurt she was, they insisted it was "just silly school awards, they don't mean anything once you leave." So they'd never mentioned it ever again, they never apologized for not coming, they never asked her how it made her feel seeing everyone else clap for her and celebrate her except the two people she wanted more than anything in the never told her how truly impressed they were for all of the exceptional things she was doing, academically, athletically, and with her community service.
Another time that came to mind was when she'd gone through a particularly dark time in college. She'd had her first real adult relationship with this guy she really loved. They were together for two years, she thought she might even marry him— but then she found out he had cheated on her, not once, but constantly. Everyone knew except for her, and she was devastated.
She'd come home for spring break shortly after because she needed some love, someone to take care of her, to help her feel less lonely. She'd been working so hard balancing studies and this relationship, only to find out that this boy she loved, that she'd done so much for, was essentially just using her.
When she'd come in the door, her parents had been surprised to see her. Of course they were happy, but she'd been gone so long they had their own lives and she no longer felt like their home was hers. She tried to tell them about what happened and they listened, but again, they dismissed her feelings. "There's more fish in the sea" and "We never really liked him anyway" and "You should focus on your education anyway." Her heart was crushed in a million pieces and they couldn't see it.
She'd spent the weekend laying in bed, sobbing, and not once did either of them come in to talk with her. When she hadn't shown up to meals, they didn't bring her any food or think to check on her. She finally extracted herself from her bed a few days later, and instead of anyone asking how she was, her mom said. "Nice to see you finally. What's the point of even coming home if you're just going to lie in bed and be anti-social?" And then her parents had proceeded to go out to dinner without her, not even bothering to leave her any leftovers or anything to eat. When she'd mentioned it the next day her dad had said "You're a capable and brilliant adult, I'm sure you can figure something out. You can't expect us to worry about what you're eating at this age. We already put in more than our time worrying about you when you were a child, it's not our responsibility any more."
Did her mom make her favorite comfort meal? No. Had her parents planned to do anything she liked to do so she could enjoy something fun to take her mind off of her broken heart? No. She was surrounded by the people who were supposed to love her the most, but she felt more lonely than she ever had. Like there wasn't a single person in the world who really cared about the real her.
After that, she stopped sharing her feelings, stopped asking for help. What was the point.
There were a hundred of moments like this, and as Marie started tabulating them, she realized that it wasn't just one big event, it was years and years of feeling slowly emotionally neglected. When she was younger, she thought if she worked harder, did better, tried more, loved them more, all of that would be enough. But looking back now, she realized there would never be enough. Her parents might love her in their own way, and she had no doubt they did, but they lacked the emotional maturity to really empathize and prioritize her feelings and emotional needs over their own convenience. Having a roof, and food, and even parents who had given her everything she physically needed wasn't enough. Or was she just being ungrateful? Would Lord Kent think she was spoiled and selfish? Maybe she was.
This was turning out to be far more difficult than she imagined and she laid down the quill, putting her head down on the blank parchment, closing her eyes and trying to center her thoughts. What do I write about?