Chapter Thirty One

Not a Perfect World

ELSA

Tracy sniffed. "Yeah, that definitely smells better." She sat on the bed, eating something that looked like a wrap.

Elsa shook her head. She felt fresh at last, but it did come at a cost. Bathing in communal toilets where anyone could walk in on her while she was naked was nothing short of traumatic.

Tracy eyed her new clothes. "Can't say the same about your new outfit though. Red doesn't really suit you."

"At this point, I'll take anything that doesn't stink of days-old sweat." Elsa said hoarsely, motioning at the wrap Tracy was munching on. "Do you have one of those for me?"

"Oh, yeah." Tracy reached into the sack and fished out a wrap. "Got these at the night market. They're pretty decent. Or maybe I'm just too bloody hungry."

Sitting on the bed too, Elsa gratefully took it and tucked in. It did taste good, but had a very distinct spiciness to it that marked it as Exonian cuisine. She wolfed down the rest of her food before speaking again.

"We're in the slums, aren't we?" She asked.

Tracy nodded, her mouth still full. "Was de onry opshion we had."

"Where's Janus?"

Tracy swallowed. "He said he needed to do reconnaissance. Pick up as much intel about the place as he could get."

Sounds like something Janus would do. Elsa pursed her lips pensively. In her half lucid state back in the dungeons, she remembered Janus sounding angry at her. He'd berated her for embarking on the mission to save Jade without him, and he'd sounded really hurt.

"Water?" Tracy fished out a canteen. "Looks like you finished the jug we left you."

Elsa took the canteen and drank greedily again, only stopping once the canteen was very nearly empty. She looked at Tracy. "You have more, right?"

"Yeah. Trust Janus to think ahead." Tracy said, patting the sack. "We got enough water to last us. Food is a whole different story."

"Tell me what happened." Elsa set the canteen down. "I want to know everything that I missed."

Tracy belched. "It was bonkers. I was forced to wear horsemen armour and thrown into an arena with Jade. She tried to kill me!"

"I saw." Elsa coughed and caught her breath before continuing. "Hans made me watch."

"That bastard."

"We were too late."

"Bloody right, we were." Tracy looked angry. "Hans was lying when he baited us into making that exchange. Magnus and the others must have brainwashed her long before we got there. Janus said Jade chased him down into the tunnels and hunted him for a week."

Elsa froze. "You're not serious."

"I am. At least, that's what Janus told me," Tracy said. "And he thinks that she's under the orders of the Emperor himself. When she was going to fry us with her lightning, she said something along the lines of 'for the glory of the Emperor'."

Elsa gave a low growl. "He did it just to spite us."

"Yeah." Tracy closed her eyes. "And thanks for saving my skin back at the arena. If it weren't for your magic, I think Jade really would've knocked me off." She shuddered. "Anyway, after that fight, they dragged me back down into the catacombs and threw me in my cage again. After Janus sprung me, we came out to find you barely conscious. You were mumbling something to yourself and you looked bloody terrible. So Janus and I were trying to decide on a way to drag your ass to safety. And that's when Jade appeared again."

"How did you and Janus manage to get away from Jade?"

"Ah." Tracy's nostrils flared. "So here's the big shocker." She threw up her hands in frustration. "I can't summon the Crossing Points."

Elsa's eyes went wide. "What?"

"You heard me." Tracy squawked irritably. "Those bloody Mage Slayers. They must be cancelling out my sorcery."

"How?"

"I don't know. One of those demon hosts must be doing this." Tracy snarled acidly. "Everything else seems to work, except the Crossing Points. Talk about a sick joke."

"They're trying to stop us from leaving the city."

"Yeah, you think?"

"If the Crossing Points didn't work, then how did we get out of the catacombs?"

Tracy scoffed. "I put a spell on Jade to slow her down. Then we had to find our way up through the tunnels."

"That must have been hell."

"It was," Tracy agreed, still looking a little flustered. "And since the Mage Slayers were trying to cancel out my sorcery, I've gotta assume they can trace my magic signature."

"Just like how you can track people down."

"Yeah. If I'm right, my rare signature as a Ha'naeth makes me easier to find. It's like the scent of rare meat to them."

Elsa frowned. "But can't you block their tracking? Mask your signature?"

Tracy stared at her with a deadpan expression. "We're talking about going up against literal demon powers here. The moment I use my magic, I could have the whole damn Order crashing down on us."

"Point taken." Elsa's scowl deepened. So Tracy's sorcery was out of the question too.

"Yeah, so now not only did we fail to save Jade, she's still hunting us together with the rest of her new Mage Slayers buddies." Tracy gestured grandly at their surroundings. "And that's why we're here. The glorious slums of Exon's fair capital."

Elsa turned her attention to the window outside. "Bringing us to the slums was Janus' idea?"

"Yup."

"I figured." Obviously, Janus knew that trying to locate them in this part of the capital would be like finding a needle in a haystack.

"Surprisingly, the catacombs led us up into the heart of the capital." Tracy went on. "Who would've thought that the Crimson Order's lair was based right beneath a bloody cathedral sitting in the middle of a busy district?"

"Seems unassuming enough, I suppose." Elsa remarked pensively. She was still feeling a little shaken up by the fact that she'd come so close to the brink of death as Hans' captive. And it wasn't the first time either. He'd gotten the better of her one too many times, but this time felt like the worst. And to think that he had plans on forcing her to be his wife. She let out a reflexive shudder.

"Oy, you alright?" Tracy broke her train of thought. "You look pretty spooked."

Elsa shook her head. "Just…tired. It's been a very long week."

"Can't imagine what they did to you." Tracy sounded uncharacteristically sympathetic. "You looked terrible when Janus rescued you."

"Magnus. He drenched me with cold water to wake me up everyday. He kept me constantly drugged and barely alive," Elsa recounted with a shiver. "He forced me to sustain the blizzards for days on end. Said he'd have you killed if I didn't do it."

"I…Thank you," Tracy said quietly. "I…I didn't know."

Elsa nursed her wrists which were still red and tender from being chafed by the shackles. "His potion and the exhaustion nearly killed me. I can't summon my sorcery anymore. I don't know if it's temporary, or…"

"Bloody hell." Tracy muttered under her breath. She looked up indignantly. "That bastard will pay."

"No," Elsa clenched her jaw. "Hans. He's the one controlling Magnus and the Crimson Order. He taunted and assaulted me, knowing I could do nothing to fight back." Her voice quivered slightly, blinking away tears as she remembered the smug smile on the face of her most hated enemy. "All those days down there with him and all the Mage Slayers nearly broke my spirit."

"Look, it's over. You're safe now." Tracy reached over and hugged her. "You're alright."

Elsa let out a long shuddering breath as Tracy finally released her. "I…I just don't know if we can go on fighting. Hans…he's too strong. We can't beat him."

"We'll find a way."

Elsa and Tracy both turned to find Janus standing in the doorway, swathed in a thick winter jacket and similar clothes in the Exonian style. He walked into the apartment, trailing bits of snow from his boots.

"But our first priority should be to get Jade back on our side." He continued. "She's the key. If we can break the Order's hold over her, we'll have a better chance of staying alive and getting out of this nightmare." He turned to Elsa. "Are you alright?"

Swallowing, Elsa nodded. "Better now, but I still feel awful." She was fully aware that Janus had some unresolved issues with her, and evidently he knew it too, judging by the way he was avoiding eye contact with her.

And apparently, Tracy could feel it too. An awkward silence lingered in the room, the tension palpable. Finally, she spoke. "I think…I need some fresh air." She vaulted off the bed and went to the door, turning her head and glanced sincerely at Janus and Elsa. "You two look like you have some stuff to sort out…whatever that is. Get it done, or we aren't gonna survive very long." With that, she closed the door behind her.

Elsa swallowed again, her heartbeat quickening. She could feel tiny beads of perspiration forming on her brow, even though she wasn't feeling warm. The tension between them made her nervous, and she tried to find something to say even as Janus stood in front of the bed silently, his face a mix of emotions.

"Thank you," she settled on gratitude. "If it wasn't for you, I'd still be stuck down in those dungeons."

Janus shook his head. "It's what I came to Exon to do."

"You hid in the catacombs for a whole week."

"I was. And it was a living hell."

"Jade chased you?"

"She did. I looked into her eyes on several occasions." Janus' face was tight. "It's as though the friend we knew was gone. I saw nothing but cold, cruel determination. She was hell bent on killing me."

"Tracy told me. Hans and the Order…they did this to her." Elsa glanced at Janus. "And how did you escape from her?"

"Frankly, I don't know." Janus' eyes were hooded as he looked down. "I should've been dead several times over."

"But you made it. You saved us." Elsa slowly got off the side of the bed and shuffled towards him.

He reached out and steadied her arm. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet."

"I'm fine."

"Your voice says otherwise."

"I'll be fine." Elsa insisted in a tone louder than she'd intended, feeling her voice scraping against her throat. The discomfort caused her to cough involuntarily.

Janus sighed, then went over to the sack lying on the bed and pulled out another canteen of water. Undoing the cap, he handed it to her.

Relenting, she took it from him and drank greedily. The sooner the sore throat left, the better. Setting the canteen down on the bed, she turned back to Janus.

He watched her silently, his face neutral but his eyes betraying him. There was distance in his voice and body language, but he couldn't hide the care he still held for her. The moment she made eye contact, he averted his eyes and turned towards the window.

"We need to figure out our next move." He said impassively, his back to her. "We're going to need a plan to break Jade's conditioning and get her back on our side. But there's a big problem. With Tracy's powers off the table and yours exhausted, we're fighting handicapped."

"Janus."

He turned his head slightly. "What?"

Elsa took a deep breath. "Before anything else, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

His body tensed ever so slightly, but Elsa had spent enough time with him to catch it. He slowly turned to face her, his face a subtle mask of frustration, confusion and hurt.

"I…I don't even know what to say anymore." He began, sounding more vulnerable than usual. "We've been over this before. You promised not to shut me out. You said we would face the dangers together. But-" he trailed off. "I've never cared about anyone so deeply, not until I met you. This shouldn't sting, but it does."

"I'm sorry," Elsa said softly. "But it was the only way."

"The only way to what?" Janus' voice was quiet but held perceptible anger.

"To save Jade, or at least try. One of the Mage Slayers came to me in the forest. He told me that Hans wanted to make an offer. A trade. Exchanging myself and Tracy for Jade."

"And you took it?" Janus looked mildly incredulous. "Elsa, you know what kind of man he is! He's a godddamn wolf. A snake. He tried to kill you, and not just once."

"I know," she closed her eyes. "But what choice did I have?"

"You did have a choice. You could've roped me in. I could've helped you. All of us could have."

"No, Hans said he would kill Jade if I brought anyone else along. But he knew that Tracy was the biggest threat to his plan because she could track me down and transport everyone straight into his stronghold. And that's why he wanted me to bring her. And not anyone else. I didn't bring her because I trusted her more than you. I had no choice."

Janus still looked unconvinced, hurt even. "If you'd told me any of this that night in the tent, we could've figured out a way together. We wouldn't be stuck here tonight, hiding out in the heart of the Empire, waiting for our enemies to pounce on us. Don't you see? Things could've been different if you'd let me in, let your sister in, or any of us for that matter."

"No," Elsa said angrily, stalking up to him. "You don't get it, do you? You think I didn't know what Hans was doing? What he wanted? He wanted me. He hates me and has a sick thirst for revenge. I knew exactly what he was after, but do you really think I could've risked straying from his demands?" She paused to catch her breath, face tight and shoulders squared as she stopped before Janus. All of a sudden, her fatigue was gone and she felt fired up.

When Janus didn't respond, she went on. "Too many of our friends have fallen. Will. Florie. Jordan. And so many of the sorcerers under my charge. I couldn't risk losing one more. I couldn't risk losing Jade too." Her voice cracked as she looked at Janus with watering eyes. "I didn't know what would happen if I defied his instructions. What if he set the Mage Slayers on you and the others? There was…just too much at stake for me to risk."

"Elsa, I-"

"No, I'm done." She sniffed, and drew in a long breath. "I could stand here and argue all night about why I did what I did, but that's not going to solve anything. I'm done justifying my actions."

Janus took a tentative step closer to her. His face had softened, but he remained silent.

"You're angry and hurt because of what I did. I broke my promise to you, but I never should have made that promise," Elsa went on in a shaky voice. "I should never have made it to you or to Anna."

"I don't understand."

"I can't change who I am." she steadied herself and blinked away her tears. "A part of me will always try to take things into my own hands. To want to do things alone. All of this-" she waved a hand at her surroundings. "-was never meant to be. There was never meant to be an alliance of Warriors. A reformed League of Sorcerers. I was always comfortable doing things on my own." She paused again and inhaled deeply. "I was wrong to make you a promise I knew I couldn't keep. My baser instincts will always tell me to go at it alone. I'm sorry. I can try to change, but I can't guarantee that I won't end up hurting you again."

Janus was quiet for a long, pensive moment, gazing into her eyes. Then finally, slowly, he lifted his hand and gently wiped her tear-stained eyes with the back of his finger.

"Our relationship is far from perfect," he finally said tenderly. "We're both terribly flawed. We're going to have our differences, that's for damn sure. Hell, you're a princess raised in a castle and I'm a mercenary who was born in prison. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I…" he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek. "…I love you for who you are. Just like how you saw past everything I did as Ingrid's assassin and loved me for who I was."

She pressed close to him, putting her hands on his sides. "We aren't perfect. And this is definitely not a perfect world. But," her hands trailed up his flanks and looped round the back of his neck. "It doesn't have to be. We don't have to be."

"Damn right." Janus wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a long, steamy kiss.

Leaning into the kiss, she felt her heart racing, her body growing warm as her passions arose. The fatigue that had plagued her vanished, the splitting headache ignored. All that mattered right now was that Janus was here, and that she was here with him.

Arms still wrapped around the back of his neck, she backpedalled, pulling him towards the bed with her lips still interlocked with his. He didn't resist.

Janus finally pulled away slightly to catch his breath, his face cautious. "Are you sure you feel fine? If you need more time to heal-"

She giggled huskily as she made him fall on the bed on top of her. "I'm fine."

Letting out a tiny chuckle, he leaned in close and ran a hand through her freshly washed hair. "You definitely smell better now."

Laughing, her hand crept to the hem of his shirt and explored it. "These Exonian clothes don't suit you."

"They don't suit either of us." He grinned slightly as he took off his jacket. Suddenly, he paused. "What about Tracy?"

"What about her?" Elsa whispered playfully. "She can sleep on the floor tonight."

Her heart raced as she helped him pull the shirt over his head and he began to help her do the same. The blood pounded in her head as he touched her intimately, sparking off feelings of pleasure all throughout her body that she'd missed. For the first time in more than a week, she felt alive again.

Author's Commentary:

I think that in a larger-than-life epic fantasy world, it might be hard to relate or empathise with the characters sometimes because they live in a very different world from ours. But the traits that makes these characters relatable are their flaws. Their vulnerabilities. The fact that even a heroine like Elsa isn't without her own issues. The greatest of heroes are flawed, because at their core, they're still humans who can fail and be at their lowest at times, but that's what makes us root for them when they eventually charge into battle.

The scene that really gripped me as a writer and resonated on an emotional level was the exchange between Elsa and Janus. We see them quarrel like any other couple, but at the end of the day, unconditional positive regard is displayed on both ends, where both lovers accept each other for who they are, faults and all. It's probably one of the stronger dialogue scenes that I have written out of all the stories thus far.

In this world of epic fantasy where subplots and the intricacies of character relationships can get lost, I do hope that I'll be able to write more emotionally gripping scenes that bring across constructive messages that resonate with us all. Let me know what you think!