Chapter 2

My return home to Newark to attend Rutgers University has not been smooth.

I got back in late summer, just in time for my birthday August 12, 2000. It was the first one I spent home since I turned fourteen.

Moving home was bittersweet. I had been sent away when I was just fourteen. I had spent some time in juvie and then sent to Miami to my Abuela to get straitened out. 'Good kids do not steal vehicles for a joy ride, especially not with gang members.' She said.

When I moved there I'd given up on being a good kid by that point, but it didn't matter. Mi Abuela believed I was good and after four years with her I believed I was good too.

Between my Abuela making sure I did all the homework for school and a summer session, I was able to get some advanced placement. Not all but the pre-reqs but enough to get me on to track to graduate early.

If I took full load of classes and worked hard I could get through college fast. I figured a couple summer sessions would push graduation even faster.

I was desperate to get out and get on with life. My future could be anything I wanted, it was exciting.

When I came back I lived with my parents while taking classes at Rutgers, Newark campus. My older sisters had all moved out by then but my little brother and sister were still living at home. They were fourteen right around the age I got started in the gangs.

I was supposed to set a good example for my little brother and sister.

As Papá pointed out more than once 'you know how they got you, keep them away, show them what not to do.'

Anything to help the cause, I thought sarcastically'

We still lived in my old neighborhood, lots of graffiti and a few condemned buildings.

I had bulked up from the skinny kid that moved down to Miami, my new muscles will help in keeping my little brother and sister out of the gangs. It will help when they try to bully them. I worked hard on keeping them away from parties where drugs and alcohol were given freely to recruits.

My cousin Lester, and the neighbor Dariel Guzman organized a neighborhood soccer league, the idea is to give all the neighborhood kids something to do to keep them out of trouble. El's little brothers played, Cesar played and Lester's brother. We started out with seven so we got my little sister Conni to join so we had even teams. Then we started to get more and more kids. It was a good way to keep them away from the gangs. The girls came too, only a few played some were our cheerleaders for their brothers and friends. It grew to over thirty kids and we played teams. Then the tournaments started.

As long as they had something to do they don't get sucked into the gangs.

The games help since I'm stuck living at home for at least this year. That means following the rules and sitting in class, wishing I was somewhere anywhere else. It just feels like I'm suffocating, sitting in class all day every day. I want to be active outside, doing things.

I'm not ready for the future Papá has planned, he wants me to go into business. He says finish school, get a good job, then you can start a family in a nice part of town. I'm not ready for the family and the white picket fence.

I would spend my life sitting behind a desk, pushing papers. Sit all day every day behind the desk it would be stifling. I want to be moving not sitting around at a desk. Making a difference not watching the world pass me by.

'Do you like being a welder?' I've never asked him about his work, why he chose it.

He looked at me and proudly said 'It has provided for this family for many years. You need to be able to provide for your family. It is the responsibility of the man of the house.' he said.

I think to myself, I'm eighteen, I'm not ready for a family. I don't even want the picket fence, ever. I want more than I'm told I should want. Miami felt like life was full of possibilities. A different life. Possibilities are limited here, I am supposed to do what is expected. I want my own life, my own plan, my own future.

'I'm just not sure that business is what I want to be doing.' I said.

At Thanksgiving all my Newark family get together. This was the first reunion of all the Newark family since moved back. All my sisters, tias, tios, primos and Grandma Celia came over twenty people in all. My family was always loud and noisy I was the only that was quiet, I felt a little out of place, a few I hadn't seen for years.

I hadn't gotten to see my sisters yet, Celia had gotten her BSN and passed the boards for RN last spring.

'How's your job going:' She had gotten a job an emergency room nurse at Jersey City Medical Center.

'I love it, it's always exciting. It's chaos lots of time, never a dull moment. Each day is different.' Celia said.

'Where's Enrique, I thought you were pretty serious.' I asked.

'We broke up, he didn't like the hours I am working'

'Do you ever get to see Cali?' I asked, Calista had finished EMT training this summer. 'Yes, she is on one of our EMS teams. Her partner is a Paramedic, Bob Brown.' she said.

'I haven't' seen her around yet, is she here?' I asked.

'I haven't seen her either' she said.

Meanwhile both my beer and Celia's Mojito were gone.

'You want a refill? I asked.

We headed to the bar and found Cali and ChiChi there.

'Hey what up' I said.

'Not much, are you happy back here?' Cali said.

'School is good, but it's cold.' I said

'Stop sniveling you baby' Cali said.

'Nice, real nice Cali' I said.

'Celia says you work together. Hows that going?'

'I don't see much of Lia, I love the job it's exciting, my partner Bob is a riot, we get along really well.' She said.'

'Bob?' I asked

'Yeah Bobbie Brown, he's from Newark too. He's a little older, we didn't know each other in school' she said.

'How much older?' I asked, wondering if he would be good with a brand new EMT.'

'He's four years older I think, he's a paramedic so I am learning a lot from him' She said.

Just then a girl walked over, she was pretty in a girl next door. But not my type.

'Ric this is my friend Lexie.' Conchita said.

Oh oh, I thought, this looks like a set up. 'Hi, what's up, how do you know ChiChi' I asked.

'We go to culinary school together.' she said.

'Are we going to be subjected to any of your creations today?' I said

ChiChi said 'Nice Ric, real nice. I'll have you know I'm at the top of my class.

'What are you making today?' I asked.

'We brought guayaba' she said

'Did you learn that at school or is it Grandma's recipe' I asked.

'I made Grandma's recipe. She taught me when you were away.' She said.

' Are yours any good?' I said.

'She says they're perfect' she said.

'We'll see.'

Celia (Lia)

Calista (Cali)

Conchita (ChiChi)

Carlos (Los or Ric)

Cesar (Ces of Cez)

Consuela (Conni)