Chapter 12 - The Sociology of Disco Man
In the dank, subterranean dungeons of Marigeois, where the gloom hung thicker than the chains that bound the weary slaves, an unexpected burst of laughter echoed through the damp corridors. The prisoners, initially puzzled, exchanged curious glances as the muffled sound of merriment grew louder.
Out of the shadows emerged a peculiar figure: a blonde man, decked out in a glittering disco ensemble, complete with a domino mask that seemed more fit for a masquerade ball than an underground prison break. Strapped to his back was none other than a living mummy, who, rather than appearing menacing, sported a comically bewildered expression.
With exaggerated hushes and winks, the disco-clad liberator motioned for the slaves to follow him. "Folks, it's jailbreak time! Quietly, now," he quipped, his voice carrying an unexpected charm.
As the prisoners cautiously approached, the living mummy on the man's back began to unwrap itself with the dramatic flair of a slapstick comedy routine. The bandages flew in all directions, causing the slaves to chuckle despite their dire circumstances.
"Step right up, ladies and gents! Witness the magical disappearing act!" the blonde hero announced with a wink, gesturing toward the unraveling mummy. That had a fedora hat. Was it a…Nice Mummy ?
Amidst fits of laughter, the slaves entered the living mummy one by one, as if participating in an absurd game of hide-and-seek. The mummy, now looking more bewildered than ever, moaned something about not being a mummy, but a godfather, or something.
"This is your ticket to freedom, my friends! Step inside, and let the mummy take you to the land of no more chains and endless disco!" the eccentric liberator declared, punctuating his statement with a disco spin that would have made John Travolta proud.
In the heart of Nassau, the infamous Pirate Eustass Captain Kid spread fear among the citizens. His crew pillaged the streets until a sudden flash of light cut through the chaos. A laser beam struck Kid, leaving him lifeless on the cobblestone. The once-feared captain now lay defeated, the mystery of the laser's origin hanging over the astonished town.
"It is a Me ! Mario ! No, I meant…It is I, Admiral Kizaru".
Then, the man started to dance, and the citizens cheered. Well, one did. The other were too shocked.
Sengoku was minding his own business - eating crackers - when Kizaru came to drop another bomb on his laps.
"Hey, Boss. I've found a way to kill Big Mom. It should take about…One year and a half, maybe two, before we can finally off her."
Sengoku nearly died choking on his crackers.
"Big Mom, the "Tank" Big Mom, the "Immortal" Big Mom ?", he asked.
"Yep"
As he explained his plan, Sengoku could not help but smile.
Vice-Admiral Dalmatian, an avid fan of Admiral Kizaru and his renowned "Little Yellow Book of Truth," couldn't believe his luck when he received an invitation to an empty, obscure amphitheater. Eagerly, he arrived, finding himself surrounded by two dozen elite Marine officers, including Vice Admiral Doberman and Momonga. A collective nod passed among them, acknowledging one another as the most devoted followers of Kizaru's teachings.
The amphitheater buzzed with excitement, and the anticipation crescendoed as a distant shimmer of light stole the crowd's attention. In the blink of an eye, Admiral Kizaru materialized. The marines erupted into cheers, celebrating the arrival of their unorthodox leader.
As Kizaru settled into a seat, comfortably indulging in a meal, the atmosphere remained electric. Suddenly, a pair of yellow panties soared through the air, landing right on Kizaru's plate. The crowd gasped.
"Well, well, what do we have here? A new dish on the menu?"
The female officer, a rear admiral, who had thrown the panties blushed.
"Ah, a connoisseur of fine fashion, I see. But let's not get too carried away. We're here for food - I mean, enlightenment, not lingerie".
Kizaru twirled the panties.
"Now that we've spiced up our meal, how about we move on to the main course—knowledge?"
The marines huddled closer.
"You see, you fine folks are not just here for a good time. No, you are the chosen ones, the cream of the crop, the VIP ticket holders to Admiral Kizaru's new course !"
The crowd exchanged excited and curious glances, their anticipation palpable.
"I've crafted a special course just for you. But, before we embark on this cosmic journey, you must swear an oath. A sacred pact that what transpires in this amphitheater remains classified," Kizaru declared, crossing his heart with a wink, as if sealing a clandestine deal.
The crowd vehemently swore they would die before betraying his trust. The atmosphere shifted, becoming grave and serious.
"Fantastic! Let the mind-bending, pants-dropping enlightenment begin! So! Political Science 101," Kizaru announced, stroking his chin with the pair of panties.
"Now, my astute disciples, let's embark on a journey through the wild seas of political regimes. Picture it as navigating the Grand Line of governance, but with fewer sea monsters, more human monsters and more philosophical conundrums."
The marines exchanged bemused glances, fully aware that they were venturing into uncharted waters.
"First on our list is monarchy, a system where one person rules with the grace of a swan... or the stubbornness of a mule, depending on the day. Think of it as having a captain who's also the chef, navigator, and entertainment for the evening," Kizaru explained, punctuating his words with a theatrical wave of the panties.
"Now, onto democracy! Picture a crew deciding everything by a majority vote. It's like trying to choose a movie with your friends, but on a national scale. Brace yourselves for endless debates and occasional popcorn-throwing."
"Aristocracy, my friends, is where the fancy hats come into play. The elite few lead the way, often sipping tea from cups made of gold. It's like being on a ship where the captain's hat is studded with diamonds, and the rest of the crew wears tiaras."
"Now, meritocracy—ah, the sweet symphony of success based on merit! It's like a true aristocracy - but better ! Picture a crew where the most skilled navigate, the strongest hoist the sails, and the most charismatic serenade the sea. A utopia where the crew's talents shine brighter than my own brilliance."
"Finally, we have anarchy, the wild, untamed sea where chaos reigns supreme. It's like sailing without a captain, compass, or a clue. Exciting, isn't it? "
The Admiral grew more serious. "But to understand all of that, we must speak about the crux of the matter - the origins of sovereignty. What is Sovereignty ?"
Vice-Admiral Dalmatian felt ashamed he did not know the answer.
"Ah, sovereignty, my dear disciples," Kizaru continued, his tone more contemplative. "The heart of the matter. Now, let's delve into the theories that stir the seas of governance. As the great minds have theorized…"
He cleared his throat dramatically.
"A pioneer in sovereignty theory likened it to a captain's absolute authority over his ship. Picture the captain as the sovereign, steering the ship through treacherous waters without needing the crew's consensus. Quite the authoritative voyage, wouldn't you say?"
The marines nodded, their curiosity piqued.
"Then we have another mind who fancied the idea of separation of powers like the crew members having distinct roles on the ship. The captain navigates, the chef cooks, and the entertainer... well, entertains. Each with their unique duties, balancing power and preventing tyranny."
"Now, enter a brilliant mind who envisioned sovereignty as a social contract, like a pact among the crew members. Everyone agrees to follow the captain, but if he steers the ship into troubled waters, the crew has the right to stage a mutiny."
The marines exchanged glances. Where was Kizaru going with his new theory ?
"And then, a romantic soul who believed in the sovereignty of the people. Picture the crew collectively deciding the ship's course, a true democracy at sea. But, as we know, too many cooks can spoil the broth—or in this case, the voyage."
He threw the panties in the air.
"So, now, we'll try to understand the fundations of the World Government's Sovereignty"
The air grew more and more serious. It was a dangerous gambit Kizaru was making, and he knew it. But he had been studying these particulars marines for more than a year now…and, with his observation Haki, he knew they were sincere in their desire to learn…and their promises not to repeat it to anyone.
In the heart of the bustling city of Alubarna, chaos erupted as Captain Smoker clashed with the infamous Sir Crocodile. The once-dry streets were now soaked as water teleported by Law cascaded over both combatants, rendering their Logia powers useless. The citizens, caught in the crossfire, cowered in fear as the ground trembled with each powerful blow exchanged between the two formidable foes. Smoker, his jitte at the ready, faced off against the crafty Crocodile, who wielded his signature hook.
A few hours ago, an eerie calm settled as a villainous voice had echoed through the city streets. The villainous monologue of Crocodile to Smoker, who had came to interrogate him, had been recorded - an idea of Law - and played over loudspeakers strategically placed throughout the area. Crocodile, furious, had tried to kill the Marine. Well, he was going to do it from the start - or else he would not have told him his plan - but, he was angrier. Angry angry, like "Grrr Grrr Croco". And he was angrier and angrier, as Smoker kept mocking the Warlord during their fight.
"What kind of cartoon villain makes monologues ?"
As the battle raged on, the citizens watched in terror as Sir Crocodile, with a sinister grin, began to gain the upper hand. Smoker fought valiantly, but the crafty Warlord's sand-based attacks overwhelmed him. The tide turned, and it seemed Smoker was on the brink of defeat.
In a desperate struggle, Smoker fought to stay on his feet, his determination unwavering even as his strength waned. Crocodile, reveling in his imminent victory, prepared to deliver a finishing blow.
Suddenly, a burst of blinding yellow light illuminated the scene. The citizens shielded their eyes, and even Crocodile hesitated for a moment. When the light subsided, a mysterious yellow-clad figure stood between Crocodile and the battered Smoker.
"Well, well, what do we have here? A lizard in the sandpit, causing trouble? Aha ! And I even made a good introduction catchphrase"
In the warm evening breeze of Alabasta, the lively sounds of celebration filled the air. Citizens of the desert kingdom had gathered to revel in a joyous party, a festival of gratitude for their Great Savior Kizaru, who had defended them from various threats. Amidst the festivities, Roronoa Zoro found himself drinking in a quiet corner, reflecting on his own journey.
As the cheerful chants and melodies surrounded him, Zoro couldn't help but be transported back to a pivotal moment in his past—the fierce battle against Mister 1 in the city of rain. The memory flashed vividly before him: the taste of blood in his mouth, the clashing of steel, and the determination to cut through steel itself.
"Cutting through steel... it was a damn tough fight, but I did it…But Mihawk is on a whole different level. I've got a long way to go before I can face him as an equal."
Admiral Kizaru, donned in his eye-catching yellow suit, found himself at the center of an impromptu dance-off. With a goofy grin plastered on his face, he threw caution to the wind and engaged in an uproarious display of disco-inspired antics, his moves resembling a fusion of martial arts and a dad attempting to cha-cha.
The citizens, caught up in the infectious joy, crafted makeshift glow stick swords and twirled them like swashbuckling disco pirates. Others sported absurd yellow wigs and attempted to mimic Kizaru's signature dance moves with comically exaggerated flair.
"Kizaru, the disco star so bright,
Dancing through the desert night.
In your yellow suit, so absurd,
You're the hero we never knew we deserved!"
As the song of the citizensechoed through the streets, the partygoers added their own verses, creating an ever-expanding and increasingly ludicrous ballad dedicated to their radiant hero. In the midst of the chaos, Kizaru seized the opportunity to showcase his unconventional dance moves. At one point, he attempted the "Light Speed Shimmy," a move that involved an inexplicable burst of speed followed by a wobbly twist.
The Alabastan people, now transformed into a kaleidoscope of joy, enthusiastically embraced the Admiral's eccentric dance lessons.
The "Yellow Glow Shuffle" evolved into a routine, with citizens playfully bumping into each other while attempting the peculiar moves.
Smoker was enjoying his cigar when the…was that a clone ? The Admiral was still dancing in the middle of the stage ?
"Yep, light plays ! It is only an illusion, but…", said Kizaru, munching on chips next to him.
Admiral Kizaru casually summoned his eclectic crew members…by grabbing them and teleporting them around in seconds.
As the crew gathered, Kizaru noticed Princess Vivi gracefully managing the event. She had her royal duties, now, and hopefully, she was a bit stronger. He tossed her a small book with "Political Science 101" inscribed on the cover. Vivi, thankful, accepted the book.
The crew members, now surrounded by the lively festivities, observed the celebration of their deeds and the continuation of their unpredictable adventures in the heart of Alabasta.
With a wicked glint in his eye and an arsenal of sarcastic humor, he unleashed a barrage of trash talk, turning the celebration into a roast.
"Zoro, the master of cutting steel! I heard butter knives are in fashion these days. You should open a bakery, my friend. Mihawk's probably looking for a new sous chef."
"Sanji, the dancing sensation! Mister 2 had you twirling like a ballerina. Next time, I'll bring you a tutu. You'll look fabulous, trust me."
Tashigi, the valiant swordswoman, wasn't spared from Kizaru's assault.
"Tashigi, the elegant swashbuckler! Miss Doublefinger had you spinning like a top. I hope you didn't lose your sense of direction in that graceful ballet of blades. Pathetic"
Law grimaced.
Kizary badly mimicked his voice "Shambles! Oh no, I'm stuck in paint!" Mister 3 and Miss Goldenweek really brought out your artistic side, didn't they? Maybe they mistook you for a walking canvas."
Turning his attention to Nami and Koby, the duo who faced off against Mister 4 and Miss Merry Christmas.
He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Nami, Koby, the dynamic duo against a mole and a dog. It's like a nature documentary gone wrong. I hope the dog didn't steal your lunch money. You looked so weak and terrified".
Amidst the raucous laughter and playful banter, Admiral Kizaru, with an abrupt change in tone, shifted from mockery to a genuine smile directed at his crew members. The atmosphere, once filled with teasing, suddenly took on a more heartfelt note.
"Well, despite your many, many, many defaults, I have to admit, I'm genuinely proud of each and every one of you."
The crew, caught off guard by the sincerity, exchanged puzzled glances. Kizaru, still smiling, continued, revealing a surprise that would add a touch of joy to the night.
"And now, for the grand finale! As a token of my appreciation, how about a three-day vacation in Alabasta?"
Excitement rippled through the crew, and cheers erupted. But Kizaru wasn't finished.
"Oh, and there's more! Smoker, you're no longer just a mere Captain. Say hello to Commodore Smoker! As for the rest of you, congratulations, you're all promoted to Lieutenant!"
"Now, rest, my friend…Because soon, you'll haver to go and kill a God !"
A what ?
Nami passed out.
The grand chambers of the World Government remained cloaked in a heavy silence as Admiral Kizaru, an uncharacteristic gravity in his demeanor, requested an audience with the Five Elders. The Elders, ever enigmatic and poised, granted his request, and Kizaru entered with a sealed box held firmly in his hands.
"Elders, I have successfully completed the mission entrusted to me by CP0."
As he spoke, Kizaru placed the box on a ceremonial table, carefully unveiling its contents. The Elders, their expressions unreadable, observed with an air of anticipation. The unveiled box revealed the preserved head of Nico Robin, a chilling testament to the mission's grim success.
"Admiral Kizaru, your efficiency in executing the mission is commendable", spoke one of the five gods. "The eradication of any potential threat to the secrets of the Void Century has been achieved. Nico Robin's pursuit of knowledge posed a danger to the stability of our world."
The room, steeped in the weight of the revelation, bore witness to the culmination of a mission that required the severing of knowledge at its very root.
"The sacrifices for the preservation of our world must be made. You have done well, Admiral Kizaru."
As Kizaru bowed and left, Saint Saturn added :
"And, Kizaru, you are the most efficient and useful of the admirals. I command you for that. Furthermore, your new methods are very efficient, and improved a lot the marines. But…discuss of management and strategy Kizaru. Not politics or this…"sociology" of yours. Don't push your curiosity too far, Borsalino".