Author's Note: Hi! So I realize I did not actually introduce myself in the first chapter, hehe. SO! If you're still here, thank you so much for reading the first chapter! And for coming back! This story is quite a wild ride. Yeah, it's under hurt/comfort and romance but there is also angst, drama and adventure. I've been in the IZ fandom for such a long time, I am obsessed and in love with Zim, and I started this story in 2021. This story is written with dual POV which means I will be alternating between Zim and Dib's perspectives. Chapter one was from Dib's POV. This chapter is a combination of both but eventually it evens out to where they alternate chapters. There are also a lot of flashbacks which I'll try to remember to label and/or put in italics. I don't know what else to say besides, I hope you enjoy it!

The Transmission

DIB'S POV

I'm sitting in the quiet alone for a few moments when, surprise surprise, my curiosity is thoroughly piqued. I climb out of bed and without a second though, move to stand under the same air vent. Zim actually added my voice to the voice recognition. Mine. He always tells me not to feel special but I don't see how I couldn't. I mean he claims he only did it because he was tired of me always getting lost in the base. Who wouldn't? This house is a maze so getting anywhere without the computer is nearly impossible.

I stand under the vent and think for a second. He went to the lower level lab. If it's a transmission, could I just pop up? Probably not… But I have to know about it or it'll eat at me and I can't say for sure he'd tell me. Nope, this will call for some proper shadow watching. From somewhere sneaky, somewhere totally hidden, somewhere he'd never suspect a spy to be waiting. Somewhere like…

"Computer, take me to the lower level storage room." Okay so it's not totally ingenious but it'll have to do. At least when I get there, I can hear the conversation and whoever he's talking to won't see me. My command isn't as confident as Zims of course but the computer sucks his teeth (because I guess he has some?) but does as I ask. It's still a weird feeling, like going down a water slide upside down but without the water. A moment later, I make a shaky landing in the storage room on the right side of the lab. The room is totally dark so I feel around for the doorknob before trying my best to twist it slowly and quietly push it open a crack. The lab is dark too so it doesn't add any light to the dark for me but the lab is illuminated in a warm blue glow, coming from the giant screen. Zim stands in front of it watching it carefully. He's completely still, unblinking, his hands clasped behind his back. He waits like that for a full five minutes more and I'm starting to think I should just go get him but just as soon as the thought enters my head, the large monitor depicts another incoming transmission. The noise startles me and my heart is pounding but Zim finally moves to hit a button on his keyboard and then the call is connected.

On the screen appear two tall Irken figures. They're not as tall as the Tallests that came before them but they must obviously be the tallest Irkens now. Zim doesn't falter as he stares back at them and one of them finally speaks.

"Trechstem, Irken Invader Zim." She says. And her voice is hypnotic. It's so deceivingly soft and warm when I know that they're anything but.

"Trechstem my T-" Zim halts his sentence and starts again. "Trechstem, Almighty Tallests of the Irken Armada"

I'm just staring and my eyebrows are drawing down slowly. What am I even hearing right now? The Armada severed ties with Zim over a year ago, so what is going on here? What would their reason be for calling him now and why are they calling him an Invader? There's a part of me that starts to think the worst. I feel my breathing get shallow and the room spins slightly but I keep silent. Despite all the thoughts immediately swirling around my mind. It's a completely real possibility that he never really stopped communicating with them. Is it possible that… this is all a new kind of plan? I actually can't put it past him to see opportunity in the weird friendship we developed years ago so it's a nauseatingly real possibility that he'd take advantage of my new feelings too. He could, we both know he could, but I haven't until now thought he would. I mean, at any time, I could have used this new found closeness to expose him myself. Again, we both knew I could, but I wouldn't. My spiraling painful thought process is interrupted as she speaks again.

"I am called Ro and this is Hex. We attempted to connect with you at 0218 earth eastern standard time as well as 0222 earth eastern standard time. Is there an issue with your communication device?" She asks and they both watch him expectantly.

"No." Zim replies simply and for someone so small he always manages to stand so tall. I admire that. I think even I might shrink under their gaze.

"No bother" Hex interjects, as if Zim were going to be giving them any more of an answer besides the one word anyway. She sounds exactly like Ro, the only differences in them being that Ro has blue eyes and Hex has white ones. "As the successors and the current reigning Almighty Tallests, we reserve the right to review all banishments put in place by our predecessors in case of pressing matters."

"We're sure you're well aware that our planet has been experiencing much chaos and unrest as of late. But we're getting it all back on track, of course." Ro adds. Zim doesn't respond to what I would say sounds like a low blow.

"We're extending a very rare opportunity to you" Hex continues. "We understand you're a defective." The hell? Are these low blows or do they really not see it any different from regular conversation. Zim can be pretty insulting but it seems like he does that purposely. Maybe he doesn't do it on purpose but he definitely enjoys offending people. It's interesting to think that maybe all Irkens just enjoy being douchebags.

Zims right eye twitches slightly at the mention of the word but other than that, he's able to appear totally unphased and I wonder how often he thinks about it. He's never even fully explained it to me before and it's definitely not the sort of thing I can ask him about unless I want to start a war. So far all I know is that it means his PAK doesn't function as it is expected to. The only other thing I've gathered is that no Irken wants to be a defective.

"If you're thinking of trying to fix it, you must review my file. They've tried it before." Zim replies.

"Oh we have, Zim. And what a fascinating file it is." Hex says, holding up a small metal box. "Your video files were unlike any we've ever seen. You're very unique" she says, setting the box down off screen.

"There's actually no Irken like you. There really never has been. A rare case." Ro continues.

"Okay." Zim replies but he's totally unreadable, if nothing he seems a bit bored. Meanwhile, I'm in the closet feeling faint and they aren't even talking to me.

"We aren't suggesting reprogramming you. What we want to do would do much more good for our people. It would help us make advancements we never thought of. And you would be a hero. You could get the recognition you always wanted." Hex says.

"All we need to do is study your DNA and your programming." Ro says.

"Study it for what, exactly?" Zim asks.

"For understanding. Of why you are the way you are. Whether or not it's possible for anyone else to be like you and if so what we can do to prevent it. And possibly, down the line, if we can develop a way to fix it. And in return, we could reverse your banishment." Ro replies.

"So… you just want me to come, let you study me, and then I won't be banished anymore?" He repeats.

"Exactly. This is your chance to make your existence matter. And to prove your worth regardless of what you are. To serve your empire." Hex says and Ro nods. Then they're both silently watching him but he doesn't respond, finally dropping his gaze from the monitor to the floor for a second.

Ro sighs. "We're unaware of your activities on Earth as of late. Your file ends rather abruptly. But your banishment makes those activities none of our concern. But we understand, being that your programming is abnormal, you might have some difficulty considering this. Take two earth days and consider where you are and then think about being the soldier you were always meant to be. Earning the respect you always deserved. We shall reconvene at 0500 earth eastern standard time and we anticipate your response. Trechstem Irken Invader Zim"

"Trechstem… My Tallests" Zim finally says, bowing his head and the transmission ends. He looks up at it and I can see him visibly relax, his shoulders aren't as tense and his hands finally fall at his sides. His antennae, momentarily at attention, relax on top of his head too. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

"I know you're there." He says, only turning towards the door I've been hiding behind when I don't move. He raises a *hairless* eyebrow expectantly and finally I push the door further open and slip into the lab, feeling my face heat up slightly. I cross over to where he is in the center of the lab but stop short, trying to keep some space between us. There are too many thoughts in my mind right now and I just need to sort through them. He gives me a curious look but I don't want him to ask me any questions so I speak first.

"What was that about?" I ask, waving a hand towards the monitor. He drops his gaze to the floor and lets out a breath.

"Science I guess. Not the kind you like so much, but I mean." He shrugs. "It seems they want to study my coding and develop a way to make sure future smeets aren't created with any similar complications. It has to be important research if they're reaching out to banished Irkens- if they're reaching out to me- but I-"

"Are you leaving?" I interrupt. He stops short, a gasp escaping him and I completely forget my caution, taking a few steps closer to him and repeating the question. "Zim, are you leaving?!"

"No, I-"

"Are you thinking about it?!" I ask. But I don't actually give him any room to respond to me. I can feel my skin growing numb and each breath I drag in is more difficult than the last.

"Dib, stop it, I wasn't-" He says, clearly growing impatient but I feel myself spiraling and I don't know what to do when I feel myself crumbling. It's like every time I get something good in my life, something else comes to take it away. I've known Zim for eight years now. Something like this couldn't have happened sooner? Before I began spending all my time becoming so enamored? Of course it would happen now. Now that I finally have him. But just a few months trying to figure things out isn't enough. Would that be enough for anyone?! Especially moving on Zims timetable. Things have just been moving so slowly but at least they are moving at all and that was all I could ask for. My thoughts are dragging me into a rabbit hole and I'm trying to avoid it so I just keep talking.

"I don't understand what's going on here, why did they-"

"Hey, I'm not leaving!" Zim finally shouts and I'm still sputtering until I feel a gloved hand across my face. It's not super painful but definitely not delicate in the slightest since his nails are so sharp, they can still be felt through the gloves. Then he's placing his hands on my shoulders and shaking me. It actually does kind of ground me in the moment but there's still a knot tightening in my stomach with each passing minute.

"Ow." I whisper.

"Calm down! Stop freaking out! I hate when you do that!" He hisses. My heart is beating out of control but I'm finally quiet as Zim moves one hand down to my chest. He's watching it rise and fall and probably taking note of my rapid pulse. I know he's still figuring out how a lot of this works. According to him, humans are easy to read because we never even have to say anything to show what we're thinking or feeling.

ZIM'S POV

Dibs heart rate is accelerated for some reason. I'm not entirely sure why. It could be because he wouldn't be pleased with me leaving Earth. It could also be because it just happens when he's around me. Either way, I don't blame him. But why do humans tend to believe that this heart muscle is responsible for romantic feelings? In all of Zim's research, it's the brain that's responsible for stirring feelings of love. And either way… I have neither of those things. Yes, Irkens are capable of feelings but they've never been beneficial to the empire so our programming was altered thousands of years ago to make sure we could never access such feelings. And of course this wasn't especially easy for me. I am much too smart to be totally unaware that my programming falls short at times. When it comes to love, I've always loved being an invader. It's who I am, and I've always been proud of that, but I don't know any other Irken who would describe the feeling of being an Invader as love. It's not even a word we use. And even though most Irkens wouldn't agree, I did love my Tallests. I always did. Even though what happened… happened. I never meant to hurt them. I dedicated my life to them because I loved them and I trusted them. And eventually I did realize I probably love GIR. He's annoying and I sure as hell don't like him most of the time. But love is different. Humans tend to love their pets and siblings. I think that's how I feel about GIR. I know I wouldn't want anything bad to befall him but when I really consider it, it's never strictly been because the absence of an SIR unit would be bad for the mission. I don't need his help to do anything. He's just someone I want around, and isn't that love?

And unfortunately, for both him and I, there is the Dib-Human. The only human who has always seen the real me. A complete and total pain in my side. I can't say I blame him, I too would be fascinated by a mighty Irken Invader such as myself. But his desire has always stretched too far. His obsession with dissecting me and keeping me on earth to learn about my people has always been such a nuisance. And what was most annoying about this particular human is that I actually found him amusing. His intelligence far surpassed that of what Zim expected of a mere human. And throughout all my attempts at conquering this disgusting place, nothing I'd ever actually admit to him as I could just barely accept it myself, I looked forward to Dib intervening. He makes me feel exactly like an Invader. And what species wouldn't try to prevent another from overtaking them? Clearly he takes me more seriously than my own Tallests did. He's unique really because he's the only person, besides me of course, who knows I'm fully capable and should be feared. Nice feelings are completely gross but Dib always seeing all my plans through to the end and figuring out how to stop them, it was pretty much the only time we spent together. And for some reason, that felt nice. Being seen, heard, understood, appreciated. Validated. Granted at times my plans really did fail but that would never be because of me. The only times I've failed that have been all my doing were because it's what I meant to do. Because I was too close to success and success is supposed to be all I want but success means no more Dib-Human. It shouldn't matter either way, Zim knows it shouldn't. But it does.

When Dib made his confession about all those weird romancey feelings, I just wanted him to take it all back. I wanted him to tell me he was playing a sick joke. He'd started acting so strangely, I picked up on all the signs but I convinced myself that they weren't signs of the obvious. Again, I don't blame him at all, I already know how amazing I am, but he wasn't supposed to develop these new feelings for Zim. The minute he said it, it's like my PAK almost shorted out. The flood of these feelings were painfully too much to handle. Feelings I don't have any experience with, that had I had a heart, they would have overtaken it. Sheer terror. Shame. I'm no simpleton. I know my PAK is full of mistakes but that didn't make it easier to swallow down the brief moment of satisfaction I got from what he said. I always thought I feared nothing, and rightfully so. But I've always been able to be a defect without actually feeling like one and that was the first time I ever felt like one. Weighing all my options, the best course of action seemed to be to eliminate the Dib-Human. His obsession with my mission always gave me even more reason to see it through. Aside from myself, he was the only one that was equally as passionate about it. But these new feelings could mean nothing more than a distraction and distractions aren't acceptable. It was obviously the best thing to do. It was easy and it was logical. Then he wouldn't be in my way anymore. More importantly, I wouldn't have to spend anymore time trying to avoid these outdated feelings. But these feelings, however outdated they may be, appear to be equally as powerful as the programming that was supposed to be preventing them. And attached to these weird foreign feelings was yet another feeling. One that wasn't so foreign. The same one I had the first time I accidentally eliminated my Tallests. The same one I had when I found out that I'd eliminated tallest red and tallest purple. A sickening feeling of dread. A painful feeling. One that I try to avoid at all costs. The feeling I always have to push down whenever I'm around Dib. I always thought love was the most horrible thing I could ever feel but it isn't. It's this awful nagging voice that screams at me in my mind so loudly, I think it's real. It's all these flashbacks I get like I'm being teleported back to the past and I have to keep reliving it. It's everything I've ever done. It's guilt.

Dibs' gaze falls to the floor and he always does this. He gets so caught up in his own panic, that could be his own downfall. But nothing is allowed to take him out but me. And I'll do that when I'm good and ready. I put a finger under his chin and make him look at me.

"I'm standing right in front of you." I say. Being comforting honestly feels weird but I think it's something I want to do. I don't like that I want to do it though and I know I'm not very good at it either. "So don't start your sniveling, human"

Dib rolls his eyes but smiles anyway, raising a hand to cover my own. He interlaces our fingers which isn't foreign to me at all. High school public displays of affection pretty much taught me how young adults handle amorous feelings.

"Okay then…" He replies quietly, lowering our hands.

"Your hand is still twitching. And your heart rate is elevated." I point out, watching his gaze flit all over the room.

"Well you can't expect me to believe you aren't at least considering it… And… It's not entirely because of the transmission…" he shrugs a shoulder and a light blush dusts over his cheeks. He absentmindedly bites down on his lower lip. Of course it's not. It's because I make him nervous. It's such a satisfying feeling. I have all this control over him. Control of his heart to make it beat out of pace. Control over his brain to make him so on edge in my presence. Being on the receiving end of Dib-Humans affections is a power trip like no other. He's so vulnerable to me now. Who else but me could turn an enemy into something so much softer. And would it be such a bad thing for me to just let myself finally have something?

DIB'S POV

Zim tightens his hand in mine, which by the way fits pretty nicely considering he has three fingers to my four. I finally meet his stare and then my eyes fall to his lips. It's not like we haven't kissed before. It just doesn't happen very often but I know I wish it did. He tugs me closer and my heart leaps into my throat when we're pressed together. All I would have to do is lean in. I know Zim is still working on wrapping his head around the whole thing. He's already told me he sees no point for it, in his opinion it serves no purpose. At least, that's what he told me. But he tilts his head and his eyes fall closed and I will take any kiss I can get from him at this point. The wave of electricity is a shock to my soul when our lips meet. Literally every time. For someone who claims to have no idea what's so great about kissing, he sure as hell knows how to do it. His tongue slides across my bottom lip and I sigh into it even more, my lips parting slightly, just enough for his tongue to slide inside. It's ribbed and not as wet as a human tongue and it's cold. The feeling combined with the warmth of my own isn't something I could ever get enough of. I don't know what it's like kissing a human but at this point, it wouldn't even live up to my expectations. Unsurprisingly, he always tastes sweet and I'm convinced that he's 90% sugar. I sigh and slide an arm around his waist daring to hold him closer to me and he doesn't resist the extra step. I'm feeling completely lost in him when suddenly he pulls away, backing up and putting space between us. It's so abrupt, I'm startled and I have to blink a couple of times to adjust myself.

"Zim…?" I ask cautiously.

"I'm tired." He declares.

"Zim…" I say again, shaking my head but he's already walking towards the elevator. He's lying of course. He doesn't get tired. And even if he did, I'm tired too but I definitely wasn't focused on it just then. I drag a hand over my face, sighing before trailing behind him and boarding the elevator. It's a quiet ride up to the house as we head back to Zim's room and get settled again. I just lay on my back, staring at the ceiling for a couple of minutes before finally turning to him. He's already facing me and looking right at me and he clearly knew I wouldn't let this go. Not again.

"Zim." I say, only getting a blink in response. I drag in another breath and even though I'd love to stare at him right now, I can't. The moonlight streaming in through the large skylight is lighting up his features just enough for me to see his eyes staring back at me. So I look down at the collar of his shirt instead. "Why do you shut down… when… we kiss?" I ask. He's just watching me and it takes him a long time to respond so I look at him again. For a few moments, we hold each other's gaze before his shifts towards the skylight. He's thoughtful for a second and then replies.

"It's confusing."

"Is it confusing because you don't like it?" I ask. He looks at me again.

"It's confusing because I do." He replies. I just watch him as he appears to stare through me. His gaze is on me but his eyes are unfocused, sort of far away. "I know everything. Everything there is to know about this filthy dirt sphere. And this is the only thing that I don't understand…" he says quietly. Almost like he's talking to himself and maybe a part of him is. If this is difficult for me, I can't imagine how hard it must be for him. "There's nothing like this on Irk…"

Is it even possible for me to have a favorite Zim? Everyone knows the eccentric, loud, arrogant, and always irritated Zim. And don't get me wrong, I like that one too. I also like the determined, self reliant, overly focused on a task Zim. And of course, for obvious reasons, I like the Zim I see the least, which is the one I saw in the lab moments ago. But my favorite Zim is probably this one. The one that's actually thoughtful, soft spoken and… I could never tell him this but…vulnerable.

"Like what?" I ask softly. Zims eyes finally find focus on my own.

"All this touchy…ness. Aff-ection. Love… Zim doesn't - I mean - I don't know how to do this…" he says, closing his eyes and huffing out a sigh. I'm glad his eyes are closed because a small smile tugs at my lips as I watch him. We only started exploring romantic feelings about two months ago. For a few agonizing months before that, we would just hang out as friends. After the Armada severed ties with him and I convinced him to stop avoiding me, which it wasn't much convincing, he really sought me out, we developed something like a best friendship. Well as far as we could anyway. And for those months, neither of us brought up my previous confession. It was just easier that way. We would actually do fun things together all the time. Visiting the arcade, eating lunch together (or inspecting it), and a shared favorite, stargazing at this outlook. We even took GIR with us once. But my favorite memory of the outlook is graduation night. All our peers left with their families to celebrate. Gaz was MIA that day and my dad was "much too busy for such pointless ceremonies". But looking out at my peers as I delivered my valedictorian speech was easier because Zim was looking back at me. If it weren't for the crushing pain I felt in my soul every time we hung out, it all would have been perfect. How could everything I've always wanted be so close and still so far?

"Historically speaking, mating hasn't been necessary on Irk for thousands of years. And even back then, it wasn't needed. It was already outdated but still generally acceptable. It was purely frivolous, back during a time that we had different values. Irkens were encouraged to be happy and do things that we wanted to. It was like that for a long time, such a focus on peace and prosperity, it wasn't about anyone but Irkens and making our planet the best for us all. Well, until the new plan became taking over civilizations. The focus totally shifted from our growth and prosperity on Irk to seizing other planets. It's almost like… What was it that we had to study? The Manifest Destiny?" He asks. I nod and he continues. "That's when they realized they could implant this unwavering loyalty and passion into us for our planet during our creation programming and it became the tactic for creating soldiers to help with this crusade. And to top it off, all we are taught from the minute we start breathing is to live and breathe for our Tallests and for Irk. Mating was obsolete and taboo then eventually if an Irken showed loyalty to anyone or anything other than the Tallests, they were either reprogrammed, banished, or deactivated."

I'm nodding slowly as he speaks. I knew this was never going to be easy. But I'm here now, we both are, I can't get scared now. This is exactly what I was expecting. He looks at me expectantly but I don't say anything.

"Your silence is suspicious." He says, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm just listening to you." I say, trying to push down the smile trying to break through. "And considering the past and how all you ever wanted was for me to shut up, you should enjoy it."

He just sighs and shakes his head. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… I don't know… I'm… trying." He sighs again. "Because I want to try this. With you. And you only need to be patient."

I take off my glasses, placing them on the nightstand and then settling back in bed. Zim is watching me carefully as I rest my head on his chest for a few seconds and then look up at him, smiling at the faint blue blush across his face.

"I'm still here, right?" I ask, closing my eyes.

ZIM'S POV

We're both pretty quiet after that, thank God because that conversation was exhausting. And coming from someone who doesn't get tired, that's saying a lot. There's an odd warmth spreading through my body, giving me this weird numb sensation but it's combined with this insane need to vomit. Just a few minutes later, I hear him softly snoring. Then I hear it. One of the voices.

"Developing feelings for this thing? It's a new low." It says. I just shake my head. "Seriously Zim. This will never work. You are a terror. A danger. To everyone and everything you have ever and will ever care about." The voice says even louder and it's ringing in my antenna and makes me grimace.

"Shut up!" I hiss quietly in response. Dib-Human moves a bit but seems to fall back asleep. I wait for a response but my mind goes quiet and I slowly place a hand in his hair, letting my fingers drift lightly through the soft blackness, watching it fall back into place each time. Irkens are totally hairless but humans are so delicate, they need hair to protect them from everything! The weather, the sun, debris, and a ton of other things. Everything is a threat to them. I'm not complaining though. His hair is one of my favorite things.