Haiiiiii everybody ! ! I hope you had a lovely weekend ! ! Here is chapter 12 ! ! this is a pretty short chapter yet again so I will also be posting yet another one of my favorite chapters next ! ! In this chapter , you can expect Dib's perspective and get the gist of the internal panic he is experiencing about that possible dinner. This title chapter comes from the song Way Less Sad by AJR . I love that song so much . It's so Dibromide lol . I mean , he isn't where he wants to be in life , doesn't even know where he SHOULD be , but he's happier than he used to be . So without further ado , I hope you enjoy this update ! ! Reviews are super appreciated ! !

Half Past Three & My Brain's on Fire

The next time I crack my eyes open it's after 2:00 in the afternoon and at this point, it would be criminal not to groan into my pillow. So I do that a few times. Then I turn over and stare at my ceiling. It's blurry. But where did I toss my glasses when I came in here? I'm feeling around my bed for a few minutes and eventually I find them under my pillow and put them on. Not that there's anything particularly interesting up there on the ceiling. It's the rest of my room that's got all the personality. Posters overlapping posters, blueprints for inventions I've already made and even more for ones I haven't started yet. There are three small round windows across from my bed and the blinds stay shut at all times. There's a huge rectangular carpet in the middle of the floor, too. It's a pretty standard room I guess. One of the walls used to be covered in monitors but I, of course, took those down. Zim didn't even ask me to. It just felt weird spying on him after a while. For obvious reasons.

I finally get up and head downstairs. Still no Foodio yet so it's looking like Cocosplodeez cereal for breakfast. Brunch? Whatever. I sit at the table and eat what's probably twice the recommended amount of cereal and then go to use the new coffee maker. After pouring my cup of coffee, I head to the living room and plop down on the couch, turning the tv on. and starting up some recorded episodes of Mysterious Mysteries. Unsurprisingly, I feel extremely exhausted but I've pretty much grown used to feeling tired all the time, no matter what.

So the conversation with dad didn't get as heated as I thought it would. I tend to avoid conversations with him lately because we cannot have a single one without talking about college. Especially since Gaz just submitted her application for early acceptance to Membrane University of Science and Technology. Yup. A college that spells out MUST. It's one of the top universities in the country. And of course we would be attending for free. Dad created it as a way to encourage "the youth" to pursue more careers in the STEM field. The campus is about two hours away from here too, so we wouldn't be too far from home.

The campus is absolutely beautiful. The Biology and Living Environment department takes great care in growing all types of plants from all over the world to study. And students actually respect it. The plants can be seen all over the campus, and there are four different campus gardens. There are also two very large greenhouses for more rare plants and new plant species.

As much as I love how aesthetically pleasing it is, that's pretty much where my interest stops. There are plenty of programs to major in; Aeronautical engineering, Sustainable and renewable energy, Computer Science, Computer Engineering, Software Engineering, Video Game Development and Programming, Interactive Media Design, Medical Technology, etc. All very benevolent majors, of course. Just none that I'm actually interested in. And I actually feel kind of bad for it because people would probably sacrifice a lot to attend such a prestigious school completely free of cost. I just can't find it in myself to feel excited about it. I agreed to go and the only compromise we could come to was that I could take a year off and even that is something I feel like I'm constantly fighting for.

How could I choose between all these majors that I just don't feel drawn to? And then proceed to immerse myself for four years? Is that what college is about? When I was little, I was excited about going to college because I strived towards earning my own free ride to The St. Chamberlain School of Paranormal and Unknown Studies. Being a valued Swollen Eyeball member meant I qualified for their scholarship but it could only be used for a predetermined list of schools which I didn't mind because they all sounded so perfect.

When I graduated high school, I also went on a temporary hiatus from TSE because it just felt like everything was at a stand still. My dad insisted I go to MUST, TSE insisted I submit my application for the scholarship, and I was just being pulled in both directions plus… I wasn't exactly in a hurry to rush off to yet another school where I would be completely alone. At least here, I had my sister and even now, I had Zim. If I didn't decide to take this gap year, I would already be at school and Gaz would still be here. Complicated relationships aside, my sister is one of the most important people in my life and I can't imagine starting college without her. Starting high school had been hard enough and it was made both easier and more difficult by my following Zim to the school he enrolled in.

Gaz is excited for college. Just like everyone else in this town. She's made for it, though. As unapproachable as she may be, she still attracts people. People just like her, for some reason. I don't have much luck like that.

Zim on the other hand, has made it very clear that he has had all the earth schooling he can tolerate and he is decidedly not going to college.

To be completely honest, both situations are upsetting for me. I've always pretty much paled in comparison to my sister. I could actually tell that my dad was so proud of her. But I want to go to college with her. Which means I'll definitely be going to MUST. And of course that would mean being away from Zim. Which I'm not running to do, especially not now.

But this needs to be a decision I make for myself. It needs to be about me. I know I need to stop being so concerned with following Gaz or begging Zim to go with me. I need to do whatever I do for myself and that's one reason I needed this break. All my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I'm four months into my gap year and my thoughts are only getting more tangled with each passing day.

I take a deep breath and try to focus on the tv screen to avoid the headache I feel creeping up on me as I drown in these rabbit hole thoughts. It's an episode I've seen before about a ship called the Mary Celeste. It's eerie and there are so many possibilities that usually I can really distract myself with it but it's not working. About halfway into the show, thank goodness, the front door opens and Gaz strolls in. She walks over to the kitchen and retrieves a few things from the snack cabinets before coming to the living room and sitting on the other side of the couch.

"How was school?" I ask.

"Fine." She replies with a shrug, proceeding to peel open a jello cup. We just sit for a while watching tv in silence but her presence is actually comforting at the moment.

"Dad was home. It was super early this morning though." I say.

"You talk to him?" She asks, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I did."

"And..?"

"We started talking about college."

"Oof."

"Yeah. But other than that, it went okay. Except…" I trail off.

"What?" She inquires.

I sigh. "He wants to have a family dinner on Thursday."

Her eyebrows shoot up. "An impromptu family night?"

"Well yeah, but…" I start and she eyes me suspiciously. "He wants me to invite Zim."

She's quiet for a second. And the second isn't long enough because she bursts into a fit of laughter.

"It's not-" I start and she holds a hand up to me while she continues to laugh. "Gaz it's-" But I really can't get a word in. I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, waiting.

"What's the big deal?" She finally asks when she catches her breath. "It's not like he hasn't been here before."

"He has, but not to eat dinner! And sit across the table from dad for an hour." I explain. She just squints at me.

"Stop making everything a big deal." She shrugs.

"I'll just… I'll just tell dad he's busy preparing for his trip." I say thoughtfully.

"Or, you could not make decisions for him by asking him what he wants to do." She replies.

"Oh. You're right." I reply, looking down at the coffee table. She sighs loudly.

"You're stressed out over nothing. Dad's always liked Zim. Everything will be fine." She says calmly and somehow it does make me feel a bit more relaxed.

"I guess I'm just nervous. He hasn't visited since…"

"Since?" she asks.

Since before we started trying to work on a different kind of relationship. Gaz pretty much knows what's going on but she's not necessarily caught up to speed. I mean what would I say? The only reason she really knows anything is because I don't talk to anyone else and when I was realizing I might be developing a crush on a sort-of friend who used to be an enemy, and possible threat to the planet (that's a big one), it was a lot to process so I talked to her about it. Yeah she almost had her homicidal electronic stuffed animal collection attack me for entering her room while she was asleep, but she eventually did hear me out. It was a night I was in my room and I had just done some cleaning and I found some old photos. Photos I was supposed to send to Mysterious Mysteries that would prove Zim wasn't from here and as I held them, I imagined if anyone found them because I had them tucked away in my room so carelessly. Anyone snooping around my room could find them and the thought made my heart drop so I put them through a shredder without even thinking about why. After they were devoured, I breathed a sigh of relief and then stopped. Thus ensued one of the most intense panic attacks I've ever had in my entire life. The sheer panic and despair that settled over me was similar to the way I felt at camp when the other campers tried to drown me. Gaz was only 15 at the time and actually calmed me down and made me feel like I wasn't crazy, which is a first.

"I don't know." I say quietly. She starts opening a bag of potato chips.

"You're nervous because it's kind of like a meet-the-parents." She says nonchalantly.

"He's already met-"

"Yeah, before you started dating."

"We're not dating."

"You're not friends either." She shrugs.

"We're figuring it out. And it'll just be… weird. But you're right, I should ask him what he wants to do."

"You're going to ask him to go steady?" She asks, feigning excitement.

"What!?" My voice squeaks. "No! I'm going to ask if he wants to come to the family dinner!"

She just shrugs and continues eating her chips. I mean, I don't really have to ask Zim for an exclusive relationship, do I? Who else would he even be seeing? Who would I be seeing? People aren't lined up at our doorsteps. But is that a good enough reason to be okay with where we are?

"Anyway" I say, clearing my throat. "Jello, a granola bar, and a bag of chips don't make for a good meal. So, do you want to go to Bloaty's?" I ask, holding up dad's credit card.

"Duh! I'm starving. Today's lunch was soufflé surprise." She says, hopping up and heading towards the door.