Hiya again ! ! OKAY OMG I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHAPTER TO BE POSTED ! ! This one is told from Zim's perspective and it's a flashback from a few months ago , when they graduated from High School . I love this chapter because it gets into Zim's head and we start to understand his feelings of confusion a little more . Also , this chapter shows the establishment the situationship they're in presently lol This update is named after the song " My Ex's Best Friend " . I just like it for this chapter because it speaks to how Zim has basically been avoiding love altogether but he's realizing he can't anymore . And Dib has been avoiding his actual feelings and he realizes he doesn't have to anymore . They've both been pretending those feelings don't exist between them until this chapter . I REALLY hope you love this chapter as much as I do ! ! Please consider leaving me a review , I would appreciate it SO much ! !

Act Like You Don't See Me, We'll Play Pretend

So we graduated. It doesn't seem all that special to me. We've completed yet another few years of debilitating earth school learning the most mundane of things and these idiots want to celebrate. I didn't even want to attend this pointless ceremony but Dib-Human insisted because he played a special role in the whole thing. I actually wasn't surprised when he told me he would be Valedictorian. He's easily smarter than all these other humans graduating… Not that that's saying a whole lot I mean… I guess.

If there's anything to celebrate, it would be the fact that my roboparents are no longer a requested presence for school related activities. I even overheard some students complaining that their parents wouldn't be attending the graduation. Sad. Truly. But who cares. That means I wasn't required to bring along the roboparents to cause a scene. I also decided against bringing GIR because he would most likely cause an even bigger scene.

It's finally over though. Students are joining their families in the crowd exchanging hugs and smiles, talking animatedly, making plans for what to do after. I'm starting to believe that humans are just overindulgent, feely things that find any reason at all to party. All these parents though… They look so proud of their offspring. For completing such a simple task as High School. They've done nothing truly magnificent and yet, they're being showered in all this pride and love. It's… unsettling. And I'm ready to leave. The Dib has done his speech, which was oddly endearing for a group of people he never even connected with, but I listened to it as agreed and can't stand being here another second.

The graduation was held in the huge field attached to our school with plenty of chairs set up, a large stage, everything expected at one of these ceremonies. The black cap and gowns are scratchy and my own is clearly too long as I appear to be the only person here who is still significantly under five feet tall.

I just stand in the middle of the field, watching all the families embrace and snap photos before it starts to clear out. I'm not really sure why but I'm still just taking in the entire scene when I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around.

"Mr. Marsh." I say. And he's smiling at me for some reason.

"Zim! Congratulations!" He says with an overzealous smile on his face. He's in one of those chokey looking suit-and-ties with his short blond hair gelled back.

"Thank you." I reply, not even attempting to smile back but that doesn't dull his own.

"I'm really proud of you and I'm actually really going to miss you." He continues and for a second I just stare at him.

"Miss…? Me?" I ask and he laughs.

"Oh, definitely. I don't think I've ever had a student with as much enthusiasm as you. For the classes you actually came to, that is. People just don't tend to be that excited for advanced physics." He continues, still smiling… fondly?

"I… I like physics." I reply lamely.

"We have that in common. I'm pretty sure I'll never have another Zim in my class." He laughs. He's right, he won't. "Anyway, congrats again. You have my email, let me know if you ever need anything, references for colleges, internships or jobs."

I nod and he tugs me into a quick, tight hug before giving me one more… proud smile and then heading towards the parking lot like everyone else.

I just blink a few times. What was that? Proud of me? Miss me? What was he even talking about? Half the year, I cut his class because it was sickeningly early in the morning. I only started going more diligently when he implied a meeting with my "parents". Only then did I realize I actually enjoyed it. But what he said… It felt weird. I'm trying to push the thought to the bottom and back of my mind but it keeps resurfacing… after everything I've ever done. All my accomplishments. All my achievements which would blow high school completion out of the water. No one has ever been proud of me before.

"Space Boy!" I hear from across the field and I see Dib in his white button up shirt and black jeans, trekking across to where I'm still rooted in my spot. He's alone of course, he told me his parental unit and his sibling would not be able to attend today although, it doesn't seem to have had much of a negative effect on him.

"Earthanoid." I reply just as he reaches me.

"So, how was my speech?" He asks and I notice he's carrying his cap with his gown folded over his arm and I should probably do the same because I likely look ridiculous. The robes for this supposedly prestigious earth achievement pale in comparison to an Invader's uniform.

"Palatable, just as it was the previous three dozen times I sat through it while you rehearsed." I say, slipping out of and folding my own gown up.

"Well thank you, oh wise one." He replies with an exaggerated bow and I flick his forehead.

"Stop that." I demand and he just laughs.

"Going to any of the crazy parties?" He asks as we also start for the parking lot, now that everyone else has left.

"Have you the brain worms!? Absolutely not." I say and he laughs. "If I truly desire to have someone projectile vomit earth garbage all over me, I can stay home with GIR."

"Okay well, I know you're just itching to get back to the base but, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out first." He says.

"The outlook?"

"Yeah. Unless you have to go check on GIR."

"Oh, no, I have my security system. And also, he's still in sleep mode."

"Right, right. I can't believe he brought a flamethrower to the base."

"I can." I reply, shuddering. "Alright, outlook it is."

"Cool, I'm right over here." He says, walking up to his car and unlocking it. I tug open the front passenger door and sit down while he gets into the driver's seat and does all that nonsense to prepare to drive. As if this hunk of junk is as complex as a real ship. "Put your seatbelt on".

"You and this seatbelt." I huff but comply anyway. He starts driving and I turn towards my window. "You seem happy." I comment. He does. Everything he says is accompanied with the slightest hint of a smile, he doesn't look exhausted and isn't sporting the usual bags under his eyes, he's sitting up straighter than usual, and his haircut from yesterday is still perfectly maintained (As it had better be after I sat in that cruddy barbershop for hours).

"Uh, yeah. I just graduated high school. I mean, it's no invader training but it was a nightmare that I'm glad is over." He replies, smiling again. I look over for a second while he's still focused on the road.

Maybe I've been on earth a little too long. Or, maybe I've been without a mission for too long. After watching everyone interact with their families at graduation and then talking to Mr. Marsh afterwards, I've had my fill of weird feelings for the day. But now, I'm back to dealing with this one. This one feeling I've been completely ignoring for a while. It's been over a year since The-Dib talked to me about his… feelings. And I shut it down. I didn't really have a choice but it's still been a constant thought I have to shove away. Even during the few months I ceased all contact with him, I was still thinking about what he said. How sincere he looked and how vulnerable he sounded. The total opposite of how I responded which was laced with the coldest malice you could imagine in telling him I don't get feelings like that and it was insane to even tell me any of that nonsense.

It was more of an automatic response. Sometimes, my own thoughts just fail me and I just go into training mode and say what I'm supposed to say. Without even thinking about it or considering if it's what I want to say. Anger and yelling are just automatic. If there's anything I ever have difficulty processing, I just fall back on my training to get past it and that's what I'd done but I keep realizing it didn't get me past it at all. Especially with the idle time I've had since the Tallest severed ties with me (for now).

"Are you okay?" He asks, casting a curious glance my way and snapping me out of my frustrating thoughts. I just shoot him a glare and continue looking out the window. "What's wrong?" He asks, turning his gaze back to the road.

"I am perfect!" I hiss.

"You're right. I totally forgot." He replies. Not long after, we're pulling up to the outlook. Up a really tall hill, just outside of our town. Not much around but a bunch of grass and a bunch of tall trees. We get out of the car and walk closer to the edge to sit down. He throws his backpack down beside him. Thankfully the sun is starting to set since the graduation ran from 5PM to 7PM. Works for me. The earth sun has gotten no less insufferable in the past seven almost eight years I've been here, and June is one of the worst months. We hang our legs over the edge and stare down at the town as the street lights start to flicker on.

"Here." I say, extending a PAK leg and dropping a small black drive into my hand before handing it to him.

"What is it?" He asks, taking it and tuning it over.

"Your speech." I reply.

"You recorded it?!" He asks, still staring down at it.

"Maybe." I shrug. "Or maybe it's a spy camera. You'll just have to find out when you plug it in." He just rolls his eyes and places it in a pocket.

"Well thanks. I know you didn't really want to go but I'm glad you did." He says.

"Yes well…" I say. "What's going on with the um… what's the year you want called again?"

"A gap-year."

"Yes. What's going on with that?" I inquire and he sighs, throwing himself backwards and putting an arm over his eyes. "Poorly, I assume."

"Dad agreed to it, finally, but I can tell he's disappointed in me." He groans.

"His feelings don't matter. What matters is that you got what you wanted, correct?" I ask.

"Sort of. I don't know. I guess I still want to feel supported. But why would I start getting support now? I'll be 19 in what, two weeks? It doesn't even matter." He says, kicking a leg before letting it dangle over the edge again.

"You're going to dirty your shirt." I point out. He turns his head to look up at me, then tears some grass up and throws it in my face. I wipe my face off and whatever dirt he just tossed makes my eyes itch so I deactivate my disguise and rub my eyes a little.

"Graduation's over." He says, turning back up towards the stars that started appearing as the sky was getting darker. I'm just watching him watch the sky for a few moments before I decide to lay down as well and stare at the stars. We both just watch in silence for a long while, lost in our own heads as usual.

"I got you a graduation gift, too." He says suddenly, turning to look at me.

"What? Why?" I ask.

"Because I wanted to?" He says, almost asking a question with his tone. He unzips the front pouch of his backpack and pulls something out and closes it back up. "So" he says, turning to me again. "Up until last night, I was fully convinced that my dad would be sending me away to college right after I graduated so I got you this." He hands me a square Polaroid picture and I stare at it. It's one of those things he told me about. A 'selfie' of him and I. He snapped it when we were driving home from the arcade once. GIR is asleep on my head in the picture and I definitely don't look amused but Dib is smiling and purposely cross eyed in the picture, not wearing his glasses and invading my personal space.

"Oh." I say, still staring at the photo. Dib-Thing is one of few humans that still intensely enjoys developing photos. While everyone else has gotten comfortable with various forms of social media, he refuses.

"It was last year. That's the first picture you somewhat willingly let me take of you. So I thought it was cool."

"Yeah, I remember." I say, still staring at the photo, unblinking.

"I um, I also made you this." He says, holding a medium sized, red, mesh, drawstring gift bag out to me. I finally tear my gaze from the picture and eye it suspiciously.

"What is it?" I ask, sitting up straight.

"A spy camera." He says, sitting up too. "Just open it."

"Alright." I say, taking the bag, carefully holding the picture between two fingers as I open it. It's filled with these weird round things that are so clear, they look like glass but have what looks like flecks of glitter in them. They're slightly larger than the marbles that GIR likes to collect. I pull one out and look it over, then squint at him.

"I made those. It's candy." He says gesturing towards the bag.

"What kind of candy?"

"The sugary kind? I don't know, I just made it based on the candy I always see you eating here. I figured you might be getting a little tired of always having to buy the same thing so I made a new one for you to try. Which it's fine if you hate it. But if you do, don't tell me. Although I'm sure you will. Tell me I mean, I don't think you'll hate it, you'll probably like it-"

"Stop." I reply, still observing the piece in my hand. "You eat one first." I say, shoving it in his face and he turns away.

"Ew, no thanks." He says.

"Then it's poison and I won't eat it." I say, preparing to throw the whole bag over the edge.

"NO!" He says, holding my arm before I can toss them. "Fine. Give me one." I drop one in his hand and he looks pained as he puts it up to his mouth and actually eats it. Well, tries to. He shifts it around a few times before spitting it out. "Okay, I cannot eat that. But that proves it's not poison."

"Not necessarily, the poison could be in the center." I reply.

"Oh my God, Zim. Just eat one or I'll shove the entire bag down your throat."

"Fine." I reply, poking one with my tongue and just that small taste I get is amazing. I pop the whole piece in my mouth and it has got to be the best candy I've ever had in my life. It's not overly sweet and it tastes like a fruit but none of the horrible ones I've tried here on earth. I can't place it, but it's so good, and almost melts in my mouth. "You made these!?" I ask, going for another and another.

"Yeah, it actually took forever. And FYI, I taste tested every batch before I settled on this one so I've eaten one before. It tastes like eating a bowl of granulated sugar." He replies.

"Humans have such sensitive taste buds." I say shaking my head and eating another one.

"And Irkens are lucky they can't get diabetes." He says. I just roll my eyes and eat another before pulling the drawstrings and setting the bag down, then looking at the picture again.

"Well. Thank you. For both." I say, but am starting to have trouble focusing. For a minute I start to think that maybe the candy actually is poisoned and it's altering my thoughts and my state of mind. It's making everything seem unfocused and fuzzy but there's a part of me that knows it isn't the candy.

"You're welcome! I just… really appreciate…uh. Well you know, I mean I've never actually had a friend so that's… yeah." He replies. I honestly have no idea what to say and I'm still busy staring at the picture so I don't get a chance to scold him for all the sputtering he's doing. It actually doesn't grate on my nerves like it always does anyway.

"Touché." I say. And he looks over at me with an eyebrow raised and then starts laughing.

"No, Zim." He laughs. "That doesn't work here. Why do you keep trying to use that word?"

I just shrug in response.

"Your hair was still pointy here." I comment and he scoots over to get a closer look.

"Ugh. Don't remind me." He says. And the weird feeling is crawling through my veins again. The only problem I have now is actually deciding if I want to keep pushing it away. A year. It's been an entire year since he told me he liked me in the weird mating way humans do. Things are finally back to normal between us but I've never been able to shake that weird feeling in my spooch from the minute he told me. And since that is the case, are things really normal?

He's just over my left shoulder looking at the picture with me. "GIR is adorable when he sleeps. And a lot less unstable." He says, smiling. I nod, only half paying attention to what he's saying, then turn my head to face him and he does the same, giving me a confused look.

And just one one single second, it doesn't feel like there's anything else. He's just watching me, his eyes searching my own and it's one second but I feel it. It feels like there's no earth, there's no irk, there's no years of training, there's no mission, there are no Tallests, there's no past, there's no future. There's just this, right here and I finally take that second. I have no idea how to take it but I finally decide to at least try to do so, closing my eyes and leaning in. He doesn't move away either and I close the distance. It's interesting. His lips are soft and warm and behind them I can feel his teeth. I can also tell his face shifted into some expression of surprise for a moment before he started kissing me back, his mouth molding to my own. Then I feel a hand on my chest and he's gently pushing me away so I pull back and we just look at each other.

"I'm…" he whispers, eyes trailing down from my eyes back to my lips before he leans in again. His kisses are still soft but slightly more sure this time and I can still taste the candy on his breath. I'm not even really sure what I expected it to be like. After all my research, all I concluded was that I didn't like watching other people do it but it did pique my interest. And apparently for good reason because… I don't hate it. It burns slightly but not to the point of discomfort and I'm wondering now, why couldn't Zim have done this sooner? He pulls back again, only looking at me for a second before looking out at the town and then down at the grass, eyebrows pinched.

For a moment or two, I'm quiet too. And I'm drawing a blank on where to go from here. What to say. What to do. Even what to think. But I don't want to fall back on my training. Not again. Instead of blurting something out that was drilled into my mind during training, I keep my mouth shut.

"I thought that…" he says, still looking at the grass. I sigh and train my gaze up towards the stars again. "You said-"

"I know what I said!" I reply and then sigh again. "Things aren't as black and white as you want them to be."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"What are you APOLOGIZING for? I did it!" I yell in frustration.

"I… I guess I just… Don't actually know what to say right now." He says quietly and I shake my head, looking down at the picture again. We're both silent for a long time until I finally start talking.

"There's something wrong with me." I say quietly.

"What?" He asks, turning to look at me.

"I told you I couldn't reciprocate those… the way you… felt. Because I'm not supposed to. Because it goes against everything I've ever been and everything I've ever learned." I say still watching the stars. "But there's always been something that just wasn't right. Irkens are created without the need for partnerships and affection. And we're taught extensively not to want it. But the first thing I ever did when I hatched was… hug the machine that hatched me. And the first words I ever spoke were 'I love you'. Also to the robot. Still… it wasn't… normal."

"Oh…" he says.

"They take extra care to ensure that we exist and die for our Tallests. If you want anything other than that then you're… you're a…" my words fade away at just the thought of the word. I've never given it a second thought. I've never used it to describe anyone, especially not myself. Not until now.

"A what?" He asks quietly and we're both quiet for a few long moments.

"A defective." I say so quietly I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear me.

"What does that mean?" He asks and part of me doesn't want him to know. Another part of me just doesn't want to explain it because I'd be confirming that which I already know. But another part for me, the part that looks his way and sees nothing but genuine sincerity in the gaze he returns, wants to tell him.

"It means… It's an Irken whose PAK doesn't work properly. A bad PAK is bad from the day we hatch. It could be because it doesn't prevent them from catching disease, or it doesn't filter out unnecessary emotions, it could be because it doesn't give the Irken the lifespan it should- there are plenty of ways the PAK could fall short. But the only way you really know you're defective is if whatever issue you have with your PAK withstands the academy and all the training. The training should work all the kinks out, but if it doesn't then…."

"That's. That's a lot. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean-"

"Stop." I say and he huffs out a breath.

"Okay. So now what, then?" He asks.

"What, you're asking me? This is the first and only time I'll ever admit that I have no idea what I'm doing." I reply and he actually laughs which is a relief at the moment.

"Right. Know what, that's understandable. What if…" he says and I finally look at him. "I mean, do you want to just try and figure it out as we go? Or would that be… weird? I don't really know what to do because, well, I don't know, you were pretty… convincing… before…" he says, looking down again and I wince at the memory of that conversation. I don't blame him for not being able to look at me.

"I don't know." I reply, because I really don't. This whole affection nonsense isn't something I should spend time on but it feels like I might want to. And I can blame it on living on earth for as long as I have but as I just demonstrated, something about me has been off since I hatched. And I can't get distracted now, not when I still have to come up with an ingenious plan to convince the new Tallests that I am a valuable soldier. I think at this point, the easiest thing to do, the only thing that makes sense is to eliminate him. I mean it's not ideal in the slightest but it'd be easier than what he's suggesting. We're pretty high up. Sitting pretty close. I could have him over this cliff in a second. And he wouldn't see it coming either. Then I could just move on from all these new confusing thoughts that I have literally never had before now. Seriously, over 200 years without this nonsense and he has the nerve to break my streak? The audacity of this human!

"If you want to just try, uh, something, It wouldn't be… Like, it doesn't have to be a typical type of thing." He says.

"What does that even mean?" I ask, squinting at him and then continuing to check out the distance from where we're sitting and the bottom of this hill. It's pretty dark and all the greenery is overgrown. He'd be falling for a while. And he'd be hard to locate. No one even knows we're here.

"You see? I don't know either. But we can not know together." He says, with this small almost nervous looking smile which, for some reason, actually makes me laugh and I decide I can shelve the cliff idea. For now anyway. There will be more opportunities but I think I want this moment.

"Okay, yeah, I guess I do want to try this." I shrug, still laughing. "It couldn't be a 'typical' thing even if we wanted it to be."

"True." He nods. "So the mighty Zim actually does have feelings for me." He says, reaching over to poke me in the side and I grab his wrist.

"None of that. I would take joy in breaking all your fingers."

"Noted." He says, snatching his hand back. "Wait, remember you wanted to use Tak to study human affection, then kill her? This thing isn't like that thing, is it?" He asks and I tear up some grass, tossing it in his face.

"I guess you'll see."