~~ Dib tries to talk things out with an angry Zim 0_0 But is he really angry ? Or is he scared ? _
HAIIII ! ! Happy Surprise Update Saturday everyone ^_^ ! ! Thank you so SO much for coming back yet again ! ! Things are starting to heat up for these two , and not in the way Dib was hoping lol XD . Unfortunately for him , Zim doesn't know the first thing about dealing with jealousy 0_0 . Can you see where Zim is coming from ? Or are you fully on Dib's side ? Boy oh boy , establishing this relationship is NOT easy for them :-) . Don't worry though , they have a much better time next chapter lol . This chapter is told from Zim's perspective and title comes from none other than Mr. Brightside by the Killers 3 3 ! ! I feel it really captures the jealousy Zim is struggling with . I will include an extra trigger warning for some slight domestic violence and of course pretty intense arguing . Okaiii ! ! Without further ado ! ! I really hope you enjoy this chapter ! ! Comments would be so incredibly appreciated ! ! ^_^
Turning Saints Into the Sea
"Zim. You're going to have to talk to me eventually." Dib says in exasperation. He's right but I don't care. I just want to get back into space as soon as possible. Every time it seems like things between us actually make sense, like whatever this is makes sense, it suddenly doesn't anymore. "This silent treatment is petty as hell, I didn't even do anything!" He exclaims. I continue ignoring him as I open up the ship and wait for the transport belt to expand. I shoot him a pointed look and he storms onto the ship, then I follow and close it back up.
The nerve of this human! Trying to force me to talk to him. He doesn't deserve to talk to me. I should leave him on Suittie since he loves it so much. Irk, I don't know why I even care! Every single emotion I've experienced has been so pointless and confusing, it is infuriating. All I know for sure is I don't like whatever it is I am feeling right now and It's 100% directed at him. I've dealt with this previously but it was never this intense. Sure once or twice in high school, there was a female who expressed interest in Dib. I didn't necessarily like that either but that feeling was nothing compared to this blinding rage and hatred and I am in complete disbelief that I could be made to feel this way by him.
GIR and Minimoose are seated in the copilots area as I prepare for take off, mashing buttons with unnecessary force as if it will help me get rid of this feeling. At this point, I have no idea what will get rid of it and I'm starting to get angrier thinking about the state of my PAK and how I wouldn't be in any of this mess if it just functioned the way it's supposed to. I wouldn't be in this situation if Dib had just left me alone.
"You're pissing me off." He states, gracelessly falling into a chair beside me. Then we finally take off and I've never been happier to be getting away from another planet. And here I thought the earth was terrible. Suittie is treacherous. "Seriously, Zim I really would rather you hit me or something. Please don't give me the silent treatment…" he pleads and I continue ignoring him.
Once we're flying steadily through the stars, Dib hastily leaves for his room and I breathe a sigh of relief. Another second of his sulking beside me and I would have had to put him through the windshield.
"Aw! Somebody needs a hug!" GIR chirps as he walks over to me.
"I don't need a hug." I reply firmly, focused on the window.
"I'm gonna hug you!" He insists, scrambling into my lap against my wishes.
"Get off of me!" I command but he's pressing into my torso, completely oblivious to my clear discomfort. "You know who really needs a hug? Dib. He told me so." I say, struggling to catch my breath.
"Really?!" GIR says, teal eyes glowing brighter as he stares up at me.
"Yeah sure, whatever." I reply and he hops down to the floor, racing towards Dib's room. Then I hear Minimoose squeak from where he's still focused on watching some show on GIR's portable viewer. "No. I don't want to talk about it." I state and thank goodness he drops it, following GIR shortly after.
It's likely around 11pm on earth so Dib-Human is probably on a phone call with his sister like he always is around now. That should buy me some time to actually figure out what the hell my problem really is. Where do I even start? If I'm being completely honest… I liked being on Suittie with him. The exploring, talking, the food, and to my biggest surprise even the dancing. After that, all my thoughts turn sour.
Geraridin.
Even the thought of the name feels like flames in my antennas. Who does he think he is? And who does Dib think he is, defending him? Maybe most people he meets care that he's supposedly from the royal family but let me tell you right now who absolutely does not. It's me. He might as well have been drooling on the human, I swear Vashti only invited us to their private table because Geraridin had his eyes on my human since we got there. I just know it, and Dib wasn't complaining at all! Laughing and smiling with him up on that balcony like he was the one to take him on a space trip. Like he was the one that worked so hard to protect him! If it weren't for Zim, fragile Dib would have eaten something poisonous on Suittie and who would have helped him? Certainly NOT Geraridin the pompous ass. I should have flung him over the balcony when I had the chance. Are Suittie as fragile as humans? Eh, I'd figure out how to end him. I'd enjoy it, too. It's not too late either, I know exactly where he is with those damn thieving eyes of his.
We've been back in space for almost an hour and I'm still basically shaking in my seat, deathgrip on the yolk.
"How was your field trip?" I hear right next to me and almost hit the roof when I look over and Tallest Purple is sitting in the copilot's chair Dib left beside me.
"I am not in the mood." I reply, readjusting myself and focusing forward.
"What are you so mad about? That was your chance to finally be rid of that thing and yet you still brought it back onto the ship." He says, crunching on something that sounds like chips but I still refuse to look his way.
"On Irk, if you don't leave me alone, I'll-"
"You'll what, Zim? Throw me into a FLORPUS hole?!" He replies.
"YOU flew into the FLORPUS because you're an idiot!" I hiss. "Just shut up!"
"I'm an idiot? I was Tallest, not some banished Irken with nothing but delusions of grandeur." He taunts and I switch the ship to autopilot, turning fully towards Purple.
"What do you want from me!? What do you want me to do!?" I ask and he looks startled. "What will make you go away!?"
"You drove me insane the whole time I was Tallest. You think I'm going to leave you alone?" He laughs a distorted haunting laugh and the sound grates on my nerves. It rings and echoes painfully as I grab my antennas and tug them down, then take a deep breath and place my hands over my eyes. Then it all stops abruptly.
"What are you doing?" I hear but this time it's Dib standing next to the empty copilot seat when I look up. He's removed his disguise though so now he's staring at me through those huge glasses and he's wearing an oversized black t-shirt and checkered pajama pants. I narrow my eyes at him and turn back to the controls attempting to take the ship off autopilot but he reaches out and stops me. "What?! What is your problem?!" He screams and I snatch my hand away, jumping from my seat.
"You! You're my problem!" I shout up at him, jabbing at his chest with a finger.
"Tell me what I did then!" He fumes. And I would love to do just that but what exactly should I say? That him talking to Geraridin made me angry? That would be the most idiotic thing I've said yet. If I could just breathe for a second and calm down I could say something - anything - and maybe I'd feel better then. I just have to calmly explain that-
"GO ASK THE SUITTIE WHAT YOU DID!" Oops. Okay, I suppose I'll be switching to plan B. Yell. There's no turning back now, time to drag his ass through the mud. That'll probably make me feel better quicker than being calm anyway. Not as good as it would have felt to strangle Geraridin and toss his lifeless body over the balcony. Honestly such a peaceful thought.
"…What!?" He asks incredulously and I feel heat spike in my body.
"You know what." I reply, pushing him away from me and walking back to the pilot's seat.
"I really don't. Would you stop being crazy for one second so we can figure this out?"
"Oh, you want me to stop being crazy? Go complain to Geraridin-filth about how crazy and uptight I am, see if I care!" I fume, plopping down into the seat and he sits down in the chair to my right.
"Seriously? I would never do that, I don't even think you're uptight!"
"Really? You wouldn't do that? You could have fooled me the way you were falling all over him!" I hiss.
"You don't have to be jealous of-"
"ZIM IS NOT JEALOUS!" I shout and he sighs. Am I jealous? Is that what this is? The thought didn't even cross my mind, really but now that he mentions it…
"Then stop acting like it." He says.
"I'm not acting like anything! I have no reason to feel the jealousy! Irkens are superior to humans and Suittie! You are LUCKY to be here with me!"
"I know I am!"
"Then YOU act like it!"
"What was I supposed to do?!" He asks exasperatedly.
"Not be so protective of him! Not tell him it was okay to talk to me like he was!"
"I wasn't being protective of him! I just also didn't want to cause any problems!"
"Well now you and I have a problem, do you like that better?!"
"Of course not! But-"
"Then you should have just- just- I don't know- let me kill him!"
"Absolutely not-"
"Because you like him so much right? That's why you were turning all pink like you do with Zim."
"No that's not true at all, I don't want you killing anyone, especially not a royal who was nothing but nice to us!"
"He was nice because he had ulterior motives! You're such an airhead if you didn't see that!" I scream and I'm so angry I have no idea what to do with myself so I get up and walk over to the other side of the cockpit and stare out at the stars. I'm just trying to take deep breaths at this point, these feelings are so incredibly overwhelming and I just want to push them down far away somewhere I'll never see them again.
"Who cares what his ulterior motives were, Zim? I wasn't interested in him like that." He says calmly walking over to stand beside me.
"Oh sure sure. So then, would it hurt you if he were dead?"
"Ugh. Personally no but I don't want that for you. I don't want you doing that." He insists.
"He's not even a human, what are you protecting him for?"
"It isn't about protecting him. It's about protecting you. I just don't want you doing anything like that." He repeats.
"Yeah well we can't all be gross, mushy, feely pacifists like Geraridin and I don't need you or anyone to protect me or judge me for it." I scoff, crossing my arms and he rolls his eyes. If only he knew about my past, murdering one arrogant royal would be the least of his worries. He probably wouldn't have even considered being romancey with Zim if he knew the whole story…
"I don't want you to be anything like him. I want you to be exactly who you are." He says, adjusting his glasses and turning that pink color but it makes me angry all over again because he turned colors for that Suittie whether he wants to admit it or not.
"Lies. Just get away from me." I say, shoving him back towards the other side of the cockpit. I need him to get away from me. I need him to give me space because I keep imagining him with the Suittie and it makes so much more sense than he and I, but he never learns.
"It's the truth!" He insists, placing a hand on my shoulder. I really could shove him through this glass if it didn't mean I'd suffocate in space as well. He'd probably love to stay on Suittie and be with Geraridin. He got along so well with that little Suittie baby-thing and he fit in with the crowd way better than I did. Of course Geraridin liked him. Why wouldn't he? Even in disguise he's so obviously unique, he's clearly intelligent, he's extremely interesting. Suittie seem so similar to humans, way more so than Irkens. Dib-human would probably be a better match with one of them and I know he knows that... NO. He has NO idea how hard I'm trying and how much effort I'm putting in and he's got the nerve to be making googly eyes at someone else!
"He called me uptight and militant!" I hiss, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and throwing him against the glass. "And you let him! He threatened to sick the authorities on me and you told ME to shut up!" I continue, shaking him.
"I mean, you are a little militant, Zim, but-" he starts and I tug him away from the window to throw him back against it with a thump of his head. "Ow!" He complains, trying to peel my hands away but of course failing. "You are but I like that about you!" He insists and my antennas lay flat on my head.
"Lying human." I growl. I'm staring at his eyes as he continues trying to convince me that he's telling the truth but I'm not hearing him.
"I promise you, it's the truth. You're pushy and aggressive but you're only like that because you're passionate and I lo- um… I like that about you. All of it." He pleads and even though I loosen my grip on his shirt, he's still holding my hands there.
"Okay Dib-Thing…" I say evenly.
"Okay?" He asks, confused.
"Yes."
"So we can move on from this?" He asks.
"Of course we can. After." I reply, flattening my palms against his chest feeling his rapid heartbeats and deep breathing.
"After what?" He asks quietly, turning all pink again. It's almost enough to calm me down. Almost.
"After…" I start, sliding one hand up and around the back of his neck. "I go back to Suittie…." I say, running my hand up through his hair. "And find your Geri."
"Wait a minute-" he snaps out of his reverie.
"And chop him into fine pieces" I shout yanking his hair roughly "And shove him down your throat!"
"Zim, stop it!" He says and I finally pull him away from the window and shove him towards the hallway.
"Go to your space." I order, walking back to my seat.
"Wait… what?" He asks, dumbfounded and I huff out an annoyed breath.
"I said go to your room, idiot."
"Yeah, I got that but you can't tell me what to do. I'm 19 and you're not my dad."
"What does age have to do with following orders?" I seethe, finally taking the ship off autopilot.
"It means I don't have to." He huffs, crossing his arms.
"You do when Zim gives them. Now get out." I say, refocusing on the flight path.
"You know what? I'm going to go but not because you told me to. I'm going because you're being a jerk." He says, finally storming off.
I guess I do feel slightly better. Whether that's because we're finally far away from Suittie, because Dib finally left me alone or because I got to explain it to him. I'm finally calm enough to remember that I mustn't lose all my focus. As annoying as Tallest Purple is, he might be right. This situation with Dib literally sidetracked me for hours. Hours. I'd be much closer to Irk if we hadn't stopped off but I could tell he isn't used to being on a ship for very long. He needed to get out for a bit.
But what could be so wrong about doing both? Tallests Ro and Hex won't know we made a stop. They won't even know he's with me. They likely won't even question the amount of time it took me to get there. And when I do, I'll handle whatever procedures they request and I'll finally get the opportunity to play my part in OID3. Orif told me it's been going well thus far and that the Suittie have played a significant role in diplomatic relations in that they're able to convince planets to join the empire without Irk having to use resources and sending Invaders. Suittie is definitely an asset to the empire. Maybe it's a good thing Dib -Human didn't let me kill the royal. I almost let my emotions cause even more strife for Irk because Vashti would no doubt have severed ties with us if I went ahead and eliminated her first born.
Similarly to all the Tallests before them, Ro and Hex have no interest in adding earth to the empire. Apparently since they became Tallests, they've been focused on uninhabited planets and planets who are Suittie allies. They also aren't rapidly adding to the empire as they are still resettling the Irken economy and making changes. Retraining has been a big part of what they do. Not that I'm opposed to going back to the academy but… I would really rather not.
I'm hyper focused on piloting for a long time when the screen alerts me to an incoming transmission. I know better than to blindly answer and actually check the caller ID for once. It says it's from Skoodge and I just don't have the energy right now so I just stare at the screen and wait for it to stop ringing. There is no way he needs an update, he just has trouble minding his business. I told him I would alert him once we're approaching Irk and I will.
Is everyone's goal in life to drive me absolutely mad?
Except…
I sigh heavily and engage autopilot again, sitting back and gazing out the window.
"Computer, show me surveillance cams." I command and the windshield is divided into four sections where I can see what's going on all over the ship. Of course in the first box I'm sitting in the cockpit on my own. In the second, the storage unit is dark and vacant. The third box shows GIR rolling around the floor of his bedroom and Minimoose is just sitting on the bed. In the fourth box, Dib is just laying in bed, staring up at the stars. He shifts a few times onto his side and back, clearly not asleep.
Years ago I had no idea he could be any more troublesome than he already was back then. And the odd part is that he finally, genuinely, isn't trying to be! He is effortlessly difficult. Why can't he just leave me alone just like everyone else does? He used to want me gone just like everyone else and now it's like he's the one person who constantly wants to be in my presence. Even back when he would have died for the chance to have me disappear, he was the only person who truly appreciated my genius and now it feels like he's drawn to me but I have no idea why. I don't even think he knows why so it's not like I can ask him what he's sticking around for. And I keep thinking that I can get comfortable in this but not only do I need to focus on my duty as an Irken Invader but I also do not feel like experiencing whatever emotions might evade my PAK filtration system when he inevitably decides that he can't be around me anymore.
Maybe I need to work on weaning myself off of whatever this is. But that would be too slow of a process. I need to optimize my time. It needs to be completely impossible for me to get caught up with this one interesting human. He's just in the other room and his guard is completely down. I wouldn't even have anything to hide when I arrive on Irk if I arrive without him. And when I become an active Invader in OID3, I won't have to worry about where that would leave us. Zim won't worry about if and how I can divide my focus between The Tallests and The Dib…
But I can't. Even after how Suittie turned out, I have to admit it was fun. And it's rare that I have any sort of fun but when I do, it usually involves Dib. Not only has it alway been fun causing him pain and watching him suffer, it's equally as fun just being around him, exploring new places and things. It's fun and frustrating being caught up in this entanglement I don't understand. It's challenging but challenges make everyone's life better, don't they?
When I check the time, I see it's after 3AM and stand up, making my way down the hall and veering left. I flex my fingers on the doorknob a couple of times before pushing it open and stepping inside. Dibs gaze falls from the glass ceiling and onto me, an eyebrow raised in question.
"Here to keep yelling at me?" He asks and I shake my head. "Good. Then come sit down." He says, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. I cross the room and sit down beside him.
"You didn't bring me any food." I state, staring at the ceiling and letting my head rest on the headboard.
"I have this odd memory of being sent to my room, so." He shrugs.
"That's your own fault. You were being insubordinate." I reply and he snorts.
"I wasn't. In all honesty, this would work out a lot better for us if you try and work on your jealousy."
"Zim wasn't jealous! I was angry!" I hiss.
"Yes but you realize anger is usually a secondary emotion right?"
"Not for me it isn't." I reply, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I'm just saying, anger comes as an additional emotion to things like sadness and fear."
"Make your point and do it quickly." I sigh.
"Zim. You said you trust me."
"I do."
"Then you don't need to get jealous of other-"
"I'M NOT JEALOUS!" I snap and he rolls his eyes.
"If you trust me, then you don't need to get angry because of other people" He says, placing weird air quotes around the word 'angry'.
"What other people? I was angry because of you."
"Right. Either way, I'm sorry."
"What? You are?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you going to keep denying and changing the story up?"
"First of all, I wasn't doing that. But second, I am sorry because I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm sure."
"How about next time, I stay with you the entire time? I'll even sit through all of your weird… Empire talk."
"That'll surely be annoying but it works for me." At least it sounds like it'll get on my nerves but the thought actually makes me feel pretty relieved... What is the human up to?
"Then that's settled." He sighs. I hear some sounds outside the door and it sounds like GIR is on his way back to the storage unit for that bottomless pit he calls a stomach.
"So human, leaving out all mention of that undeservedly arrogant royal, tell Zim what you liked about Suittie."
"Are you kidding?! How long do you have?!"
"Not very, I have to get back to the controls so make it succinct."
"Alright, fine. My favorite part was the green menace I explored with." He says and his face is not even pink, it's like it's painted red. It takes me a few seconds longer than it should to realize he's talking about me which the turning in my stomach acknowledges quickly.
"Your weird human flirtation attempts make me physically ill." I reply.
"Jeez. You're a dick whether we're arguing or not." He laughs, shaking his head.
"Are you going to fetch me my snacks and bring them to the cockpit or not?"
"Are you asking me to bring you snacks?
"I'm ordering you."
"Then yeah, I guess I'll go get them." He shrugs and stretches his arms over his head.
"Good. And hurry it up." I say, standing from the bed. "You're already over an hour late.
He mock-salutes me as I head back out the door.