Making out . That's it . That's the chapter .
HAIIII ! ! OMG I am excited for this update ! ! Zim and Dib are back on decent terms . . . For now :-} . In this chapter , you can expect it to be told from Dib's perspective ! ! You will also get to see Dib and GIR hang out for a bit and then . . . Well Zim and Dib have an interesting make out sesh 0_0 SO ! The title of this chapter comes from the song Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey ! ! I love that song so much and it really speaks to Dib's feelings for Zim . As intense as they are , he still feels pretty insecure about whether or not they're truly reciprocated . SO ! ! Thank you SOOO much for coming back to read this update 333 ! ! I hope you enjoy and comments are always super greatly appreciated ! ! ^_^
It's Like a Dark Paradise
I crack my eyes open one at a time and realize I slept face first in my pillow. It was actually a really good sleep, I'll have to remember to ask Zim what this bed is made of! And how he knew how to pick a nice one since Irkens don't even sleep. I doubt it came with the ship.
I turn over and am greeted with my view of the stars. It's always hard to keep track of time out here so I glance at my watch but it doesn't help without my glasses. They're under my pillow so when I finally set them in place, I read that it's 1:07PM. I start on sending a quick message to my dad, letting him know I'm perfectly fine and giving him some random coordinates that I'm sure he won't actually look into but if he does, it'll say I'm still enroute to the Bermuda Triangle. Honestly it does sound far fetched but not as far fetched as the truth. He hasn't replied to any of my messages but they're all being read so it's whatever. I finally sit up, stretching my arms and popping my shoulders, then click on the interesting travel tv Zim gave me. I scroll through my USB for a moment before settling on some season two recordings I have of Mysterious Mysteries. It's good background noise as I prepare to start my day. I grab a bowl and spoon from the cabinet, setting it on the bedside table, then going back for milk and Cocosplodeez. A chill runs through me as I step away from the odd food storage unit, food in hand, starting to prepare my brunch. Just as I'm putting it all away, my door slides open and GIR comes rushing in.
"Whatcha doing?" He sing songs, hopping up onto my bed. It's fine, I haven't made it up yet anyway.
"I'm getting some cereal. What are you doing?" I ask.
"What are you watching?"
"It's Mysterious Mysteries." I reply, turning around and sliding the storage door open, shivering but retrieving another bowl and spoon from up top and two mugs.
"What's he talking about?" He asks, watching the computer closely.
"A long time ago there were some people who believed in the Lochness monster. I have no idea if it ever existed but no one has reported any sightings in a long time." I say, pouring a second bowl of cereal, then adding iced coffee and cinnamon creamer to both mugs. After everything is put away again, GIR's questions finally stop the moment he excitedly accepts the cereal and coffee. For a while we both just sit cross legged in front of the screen and enjoy the weird lunch.
"Are there monkeys in this show?" He asks, scarfing down his cereal.
"Not that I've seen. Good idea though." I reply before spouting a bunch of random facts and theories about the Lochness monster. That's one of the things I love about GIR, he'll let anyone talk about anything they want. I don't think I've ever seen him get exasperated.
"Your hair is all crazy!" He exclaims after draining his coffee. Well, I said he doesn't get exasperated, I never said he actually pays attention. The episode ends and when the credits fade out I catch my reflection. He's right. I really should have made time to get a haircut before we left. The right side of my hair is still matted to my head and the left side is sticking out. I shrug, collecting the empty dishes and setting them in the bottom drawer of the nightstand which Zim showed me is a makeshift dishwater. After fiddling with the dials, I shutdown my mini tv and I see GIR pulling a brush and comb out of his head with a wide excited smile on his face.
"Oooooh… Actually I think I'll do my own hair today." I laugh nervously. But immediately regret it when he takes on such a crestfallen look. "Well… Okay fine. But wait for me in the cockpit, I'm going to shower."
"I can't go in the cockpit."
"Why not?"
"Zim said to get out." He shrugs, swinging his legs back and forth off the edge of the bed.
"What about your room?" I ask.
"Minimoose gets mad when I make noise and he's sleeping."
"Oh… Okay fine. Just hang out here if you want. I'll be right back." I reply. I set up the computer to play one of the shows I only downloaded because I know he watches it and then I head into my bathroom, shutting the door. I keep my shower quick because I'm sure if I'm gone long enough, my entire pantry will be cleared out and I'll have nothing left but empty wrappers and containers. My hair looks even more like a bird's nest after I towel it dry and I pull on some light blue jeans along with a maroon hoodie. When I finish brushing my teeth (I wish I had some kind of facial hair to shave but no such luck), I head back to my room and slip my feet into my sneakers. "Come on." I say, propping the door open and GIR follows me down the hall to the cockpit.
I… don't know how to explain this feeling. Based on my own time keeping and conversations with Gaz, we've been traveling for about six earth days but I still am slightly dazed at the fact that I keep waking up further and further away from the earth. I keep waiting for this magnetic feeling to pull me back to earth, like some undefined phenomena that requires all humans to be in close proximity to one another. I find myself constantly expecting something to prove that humans need to be around other humans but I keep being surprised that I feel perfectly fine so far away from my own kind. Better than fine, really…
And then there's the fact that I've been even more in awe that I keep waking up and I don't have to go far to see Zim. Even in his hyper focused state I just like being in his company. I hung out in the cockpit with him last night until just before eight in the morning. One thing I've found is he actually likes to hear me talk about my childhood and he is by no means a passive listener. He asks so many questions, a lot of times I get sidetracked and branch off into an unrelated story. You'd think after five years we'd have less to talk about but back when we were becoming friends, I tried to really only share surface level things so I'd say we've still got a lot of unpacking to do.
"SpaceBug." I smile as I sit down in the chair next to him.
"Earthanoid." He replies, staring forward but I can see the side of his mouth quirk up a bit.
"So tell me all about the space weather forecast for today."
"40% stars. 30% planets. 29% annoying copilot." He says back, clicking around a few buttons.
"Very funny." I say shoving his shoulder. "And one percent what?"
"1% Zim's patience." He says turning to me.
"That was actually pretty good." I laugh and his gaze shifts upwards to where I can feel GIR setting to work in my hair.
"I'm floating!" GIR muses as he begins to drag the comb through my tangles.
"Your hair is getting long again." Zim comments, watching GIR style me in a not so gentle manner.
"Yeah, I should have gone to the barbershop before we left." I say quickly, averting my eyes as I feel the warmth spreading across my face. Because looking absolutely homely is certainly the way to go if I'm trying to impress him.
"Why do you like having the short hair now?" Zim inquires, still watching GIR carefully and I shrug.
"I don't know. I just wanted to try something new and I felt like maybe it would suit me better... Maybe people would take me more seriously. Plus, all the guys in high school had all these cool hair cuts."
"Zim remembers. Human teenagers. Lackluster and unoriginal." He says thoughtfully, opening and shutting his mouth a few times. "I think that the pointy hair suited you…"
"You liked when my hair looked like a scythe?" I grin and he just shrugs, sporting a pale blue on his cheekbones. "Who am I kidding? Of course you liked when my hair looked like a deadly weapon." I chuckle but I've already filed the mental note away. I'll definitely be growing my "scythe" out again.
Once GIR seems to have finished up, and I can't see past all the hair he combed over the front of my eyes, he announces that he'll be in the storage room watching tv.
"He made me look ridiculous, didn't he?" I ask, not seeing Zim past my bangs.
"It's…" He starts, reaching a hand up to clear away the hair hanging over my glasses. "Interesting." His fingers graze my forehead and I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It's a little uncharacteristically gentle of him and maybe I'm just a little touch starved but I like it. Alright, maybe I'm a bit more than a little touch starved. Again, this is my first sort of romantic relationship and I'm trying my best to not ask for too much too soon. As he's taking his hand back I reach up and grab it and I can't help but remember when he was changing his shirt in my room and the thought makes my breath hitch in my throat. He's the same shade of glowing veridian under his shirt and his skin just looks so smooth and inviting. He doesn't look exactly like a human because, as he told me, he can't possibly get abs and he also doesn't have anything on his chest besides a dent where his rib cage meets… I'm going to be totally honest here, I am still a little interested in getting a peek at his insides but definitely not as interested as I am in what the rest of him looks like from the outside. After that family dinner… If I could have just let my fingers trail down from his high cheekbones, down his neck, past his chest that night...
I've never had these kinds of thoughts about anyone before. It's so foreign to me and so overwhelming. I've never wanted to be so close to someone. I've never had anyone in my life whose skin I wanted to feel against my own. Would he be warm like me or cool like his kisses?
I don't get it. Why have I never wanted anyone this badly before? Everyone else had all these crushes in middle school, people they wanted to spend Valentine's Day with, and I just was never interested. I still wasn't interested when I got to high school until I realized I really was just interested in Zim. Only Zim. Not like the other guys in school who could have a girlfriend or a boyfriend yet still talk about other people. I can't believe people can feel the way I'm feeling for more than one person because I can barely even handle this! And I feel so lucky that he even wants to attempt to even slightly entertain this relationship with me but I just wonder if he has those same feelings I do. If I finally got to touch him, would he want to touch me too?
I realize I've just been staring and daydreaming about him being shirtless but he hasn't made a move to take his hand away nor has he told me to stop staring at him. So I lower his hand from my face and hold it palm side up in one of mine, tracing upwards with the other and hooking a finger under the glove opening. I exhale softly and I'm still waiting for him to snatch away from me or something but he doesn't so I gently pull the glove down, my gaze shifting over the sleeve of his uniform underneath and then the deep red tunic. It suddenly occurs to me that I actually missed this uniform more than I initially assumed.
I have the glove down to his wrist and I see the beginnings of bare skin. When it finally falls away, I drop it onto my lap and just hold his hand in mine. Believe it or not, I've never seen him without his gloves before. Not even when he changed his sweater. His skin feels like silk which isn't surprising since it is constantly protected at all times. It's also cold against my own and at the tip of each finger are long, pointed nails which are a sort of transparent green color. I thread our fingers together and he makes a small clicking sound in his throat that draws my attention up. He meets my gaze with a curious expression.
Watching those eyes watching me, feeling his smooth hand in mine, thinking about what it would be like to see more of him, I have difficulty remembering anything he's ever done wrong, it's so hard to believe that once, all I wanted was to get credit for his autopsy video. How did it take me this long to realize he's so much more than that to me?
"Is this… Normal?" He asks quietly and I look down at his lips.
"I don't know…" I admit. "You want me to stop?" I ask. He takes a breath, looking down at our hands, and then shakes his head. I'm taking note of the way his antennas are relaxed backwards. Not laying completely flat like when he's angry but resting delicately so that they sway when he shakes his head. Has that happened before and I just didn't notice? When he looks back up at me, he uses his other hand to slide my glasses off and sets them on the controls counter. Call me crazy (actually no don't) but it feels like he's definitely setting up to kiss me, right? Except now, his eyes are trained down at the controls, squinting. I tighten my grip on his hand and pull him a little closer so he finally drags his eyes back up to mine and then I place my other hand on the back of his neck. We're barely centimeters apart and it's driving me to absolute madness. I don't want to ask too much of him, I never do, but I have no idea what is too much and what is not. But if I keep waiting for him to initiate things, I'll be waiting forever. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even fully understand what I'm actually waiting on. I don't either but I know I get it more than he does. My eyelids fall halfway as I watch his mouth. "Can I-" I start to ask but I'm cut off when tugs me cowards the rest of the way and crashes into me. The smoothness of his lips was supposed to come as a relief to me but it's the complete opposite. It's the flame to my match and it feels like my heart might beat out of my chest because it feels like oxygen. He's giving life to every drop of blood that is running through my veins.
I know he can feel it too because the hand that I'm not holding onto lands on my chest and I hold him closer to me. My head is starting to swim but it's a good feeling and I'm starting to think about the way it felt when he bit me. It hurt - stung like crazy afterwards, it bled, it was super noticeable, and it was sore for days. I don't know what is wrong with me though because it's exactly what I want from him. It felt like he was losing control and it felt like he really wanted me the way I've been needing him. I need him to want me like that. I need to feel that.
I run my tongue along his top lip and it obviously burns because of the gasp he lets out which makes it easier for me to slip my way inside. The way his wraps around my own is easily one of my favorite things. As his tongue is exploring, he drops my hand and I get a little faint at the feeling of his bare hand going up my arm, through the short sleeve and gripping my shoulder. The sting of his nails is intense as he trails them back down, the burn easing into a hot numbness in their wake.
He's going to pull away soon. That's all I hear in my mind. He's going to tear away. This is the most I've had of him in days, almost a week, and I can sense the moment ending but I'm not ready. I drop my hand from his neck, down his back. He tastes like honey and I feel my hands starting to shake, I don't know if it's because I need more or because I haven't caught my breath but I'm about to pull away when I finally feel his teeth piercing my bottom lip roughly and I can't help but smile into it, finally getting what I want. He starts pulling away, my lip still between his teeth, but I shoot my hands up to the sides of his face and hold him there again. He bites down harder and I gasp before kissing him softly one more time and finally letting go.
He retreats immediately, snatching up his glove and putting it on quickly before backing up into his chair and readjusting the controls. His eyes aren't finding focus outside the windshield and his breathing is fast paced as he keeps swallowing repeatedly. I'm currently on a natural high. A Zim high. And I'm starting to wonder if it's possible that his skin secretes some type of drug. Or maybe it's his saliva? Either way, my thoughts are cloudy. They aren't cloudy enough for me to be unable to realize that he keeps swallowing because he was probably on the verge of vomiting again so now the guilt is setting in. I can't let myself get so caught up. I can't get greedy like that. I have to remember to put him first. Even if I don't understand what's going on. He doesn't seem to be that repulsed when it's happening but what could be going on otherwise? I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and of course it comes away streaked with red. Not as much as I originally thought which is a good thing, right? I don't know anymore. All I know is, I'm being selfish.
"Zim…" I say softly but he still almost hits the ceiling the way he looks startled by it, turning to me with wide eyes.
"What?!" He shrieks.
"I… I'm sorry." I say and he squints at me.
"You're sorry?" He asks, seeming pretty confused.
"I completely let myself get lost in the moment. It won't happen again. I promise." Can I really make a promise like that?
"It won't?" He asks.
"No." I reply but I sound way more sure than I am.
"You… promise?" He asks in a low voice.
"Yes. I promise." I insist. His eyes roam over me then go back to the windshield.
"Did you want to do that?" He asks, not looking at me.
"What?! Of course I did." I reply quickly but he purses his lips, still looking away from me. "I did."
"Just not anymore." He nods.
"No! That isn't it. I'm just trying to-" I try to start explaining but the screen starts ringing and some words in Irken flash across the screen. Zim lets out a sigh and gives me a pointed look. I stand up and walk all the way over to the other side of the cockpit and sit down like I always do when this happens. Not that I have any idea why but I expect there to be plenty of things about Zim that I don't understand for a long time. He spares me one more glance before pressing for the call to connect and then sitting back in his seat.
"What?" He asks, glaring up at the screen. I can't really see the screen from here, he's got it so that the call is mainly focused on the pilot's side and I can still see the stars where I'm sitting.
"You're always so grumpy." I hear Skoodge say.
"What!?" Zim asks louder.
"I told you to let me know when you're almost here!"
"Yeah well with you calling me every thirty seconds, I was sure I'd have the chance to tell you" Zim replies in an annoyed tone.
"Fair enough, but where are you?" He asks.
"We will be there in one hour."
"Okay. I can work with that. The rooms are already prepared for you. They're connected, they just share a bathroom and common area." Skoodge continues but Zim's eyes are glazing over, almost like he's staring through the screen instead of at it. When Skoodge stops speaking it's quiet for a moment and Zim seems to snap out of it for a minute.
"Alright." He replies.
"Now about the human-"
"Goodbye, Skoodge!" Zim exclaims, holding down the call button and hanging up. He sighs and then props his elbows on the controls counter, clasping his hands together and staring out the window. We're both just sitting in pensive silence for a few moments. I wonder if he's nervous or excited to be going back to Irk. I know initially he seemed excited about the opportunity but it could be different now that apparently were almost there. And I'm also registering my own anxieties. I can't wait to see what his home planet is like for myself but… This is the planet that apparently produced Zim. He told me I probably shouldn't be going there so the nerves are finally setting in. But I said I trust him and I do. I stand and slowly make my way back over to the seat beside him.
"So, an hour, Huh?" I ask. He leans forward and rests his head in his left palm, turning to look at me.
"For Skoodge. Not for us." He says back.
"Right. I forgot." I say, looking down at my lap and then I notice my left arm which is sporting several red raised scrapes that start near my wrist and disappear under my sleeve near my shoulder. The numbness has started to fade away and there's more of a dull ache taking its place. "So just… Let me know when I should change, I guess." I mumble and he's still staring at me but it's expressionless.
"I will." He replies.
"What exactly is it that he wants to know about me?" I inquire.
"What do you look like? What are you made of? What does your language sound like? I don't know, pick one or any combination of the three." He shrugs, sitting back in his chair.
"Well how come you don't want him to know?" I ask but he doesn't respond. He's already gone back to staring at the window or… through it? Not at the stars or anything but staring. I turn forward as well, watching all the stars fly by and starting to get lost in my own thoughts. I almost told him I love him the other night. But do I really? Is it too soon for that? What exactly is the timeline for rivals to frienemies to friends to… this? If there is none, are we making our own? I knew full well I've been falling but it's only been a few months, I can't already be in love. That's going to complicate an already over complicated situation. I can't be in love if he's still working out trying to just like me. What if we talk and decide this just isn't what he wants? Oh my God, I'm going to have my first heartbreak. That's exactly what this is, maybe I should try to get out while I can…
I look over at him, stoic and still just staring forward. It's funny how someone's side profile could be so cute when it's lacking a nose…
Okay never mind trying to get out. I'm not doing it. Maybe I'm not even in love. Maybe I just wanted to say it to see how he would react. Maybe I just wanted to see if it would get him to stop being so mad at me. That has to be it.
"What would he do to me if he found any of that out?" I ask and he snorts.
"Skoodge?! Pfft. I promise you, nothing." He replies.
"He isn't… Violent?" I ask and he darts his eyes over to me.
"Well yes, he's an Irken Invader, but he does what I say."
"Why is that?"
"Who cares?" He retorts, squinting an eye like it was a dumb question to ask.
"I guess I'm finally getting a little nervous about this whole thing." I admit, adjusting my glasses a little.
"Well it's too late now." He shrugs. Before I can respond to that pitiful comfort attempt, my watch makes a notification sound and when I check it, I see my dad actually sent me a message!
"Holy crap…" I whisper.
"What?"
"It's my dad." I say back, reading over the message. "He wants me to tell you he says hi."
"To me?" Zim asks.
"Yeah."
"Oh… Alright… Why does he like me so much?"
"Why do any of us like you so much?" I mumble.
"…Because I'm amazing?"
"Sure. We're just lucky he's convinced that you throwing him into space prison was a dream." I reply after messaging my dad back and clicking the screen off.
"Don't complain about that again."
"I'll complain about it forever." I laugh.
"You can whine about it all you want but all three of you are still alive, right?"
"Only because Clembrane refused to listen to you."
"Before that. I could have destroyed you all myself but instead, you woke up in your home. In bed. Did you not?"
"True. So if your plan worked the way you wanted it to, I'd still be grounded?" I ask.
"No. You'd be my favorite slave." He replies and I just cough a little in response. Now that we're talking about this, was that his actual plan or is he just being Zim right now? He definitely could have thrown me into space prison, right along with my dad, or he could have just destroyed me when my bracelet turned into a metal harness and I fell unconscious but instead… He took me back home and left me in my bed…
"You didn't seem to mind when you thought your robots destroyed me." I point out which for whatever twisted reason, he finds funny.
"Yes well, initially, the plan was to keep you alive. When you became an actual threat to Phase Two, you had to go. Especially with the Tallests on the way." He replies and I'm just staring at him wide eyed for a few seconds. This is actual Zim logic we have here.
We're both quiet for a moment or two while I consider what he's just said. So even as far back as rivals he preferred to keep me alive? Obviously not always but apparently on Peace Day, his original plan, however psychotic it may have been, was to keep me alive…
Maybe now would be a good time to have that conversation with him. There are no wireless game controllers around for him to hit me with so that is a good sign. Unless he can detach the yolk that steers the ship and smash that over my head…
"Um… I need to ask you something." I finally say before I lose my nerve.
"You always need to ask me something." He retorts, still staring through the window.
"Okay well. This is important." I add. How should I even go about this without setting him off? "So, uh… Alright. You know about when humans date?" I start lamely and he turns slowly to give me a confused look.
"What?" He asks.
"I mean when humans decide to be with each other?" I ask but get nothing but a blank stare in response. "Kind of like you and I?"
"Is this about bees and birds?" He asks thoughtfully.
"Oh. My God. No!" I sputter out quickly. "How do you even know what that means?"
"Then what is this conversation about?" He asks and I sigh.
"Us, Zim. Are we in a relationship?" I ask but he just continues staring at me. "Okay. Am I… Are you my boyfriend?" I try rephrasing it but he's still just looking at me blankly and unfortunately I feel a slight ache in my chest. "I know you know what I mean." I say in exasperation.
"Of course I do. I'm not stupid. I was in earth high school just as you were." He scoffs and narrows his eyes at me but then he's suddenly looking past me and his antennas go up.
"Well?" I ask and he snaps his eyes back to me.
"Well what?" He growls.
"Are you?" I ask again and he hastily turns back to the window. "Are you serious? It's a yes or no question!" I insist and he squeezes his eyes shut, placing a deathgrip on the yolk.
"Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up, Dib!" He shouts, eyes still shut and shaking his head. I open my mouth to say something - anything else - but then I remember. I really have to stop pushing him. If I keep doing it, he won't have anywhere else to go. He'll be so far away, he'll be gone. And I will never let him be gone. Not because of me. No matter how upset or confused this actually just made me feel. I'm taking serious care not to say anything else but he lets out a growl as he releases the yolk and yanks both his antennas down.
I'm starting to wonder if he has some kind of panic disorder… Is it possible for Aliens to have that? Well yeah it could be because humans do and something tells me most things on earth aren't that unique, but can Irkens specifically get that? If he does get panic attacks, when should I start feeling bad for basically causing this one? Zim said Irkens don't get sick but did that include mental illnesses? Probably not since it doesn't seem like something the Tallests would care about. They care about the soldier and the invader. Even if they knew it was possible for their people to experience mental illness, I highly doubt they'd do anything about it. They only care about the machine, not the Irkens themselves. Suddenly that slight ache in my chest intensifies at the thought and I don't want anything more than for Zim to know he's so much more than that. It has always been pretty evident that he's got the highest self esteem in the history of any known species but is that because he too only appreciates the side of him that's made to be a mindless obedient, murderous drone?
It's quiet. I give him silence only because that's what he asked for (or demanded more so). And as much as I just want to pull him over and hold him, I give him space too. He hasn't told me to go away so I'm not going to but I just wish I knew what he was going through. I could help if he would let me but he never lets me.
He turns to me and just stares for a moment, with this unreadable expression, before looking back to the windshield and shifting back into pilot mode.