Summary: Zim contemplates his loyalties
Notes: Woooooow heheh I've been gone for a while ! ! Sorry about that lol ! ! The title of this chapter comes from Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish ^_^ ! ! This is mainly because I feel it speaks to how Zim thinks he's getting what he's always wanted and can't figure out what he isn't happy . It's told from Zim's POV ! ! I hope you enjoy this update and comments are always SUPER appreciated ! ! 3
Everything I Wanted
I'm finally sitting back on my ship, in the cockpit, alone. I'm just staring through the windshield, unblinking, not focused on the steel ground nor the bright red sun hovering in the deep pink sky. I'm not even focused on my reflection because I'm not really seeing what's in front of me as I let my thoughts consume me. I should have called the Tallests already to let them know I'm at the dock but I've just been sitting here for an hour now engulfed in the eerie silence. Not even the engine of the ship is running. It's extremely foreign because it has been so active for the past week, I've never been on this ship alone until now. No incessant laughter from GIR watching those ridiculous shows. No loud and distracting play fighting between him and Minimoose. No sounds of anyone rummaging through the storage level, making an absolute mess. No Dib-Human bringing me snacks, asking me a million questions or telling me long interesting stories about life on earth before he met Zim. Just… Zim next to an empty copilot's seat. There's a twist in my stomach as it threatens to expel anything in it but I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Why does it feel like Zim is doing something wrong?
I place my head in my hands and take a deep breath. What is wrong with me? I should be jumping more readily at this opportunity to please the Tallests. I should have let them know I was here over an hour ago but I've just been sitting in silence. I should be focused on proving my worth to Tallests Ro and Hex, it is all I should want, so why do I feel as though I'd rather be back at the dormitories? There isn't anything going on there, the three of them are just passing time until we all leave for earth again. The thought of us all traveling back to earth threads excitement throughout my squeedilyspooch more than the reason we're here to begin with. That week we spent traveling was fun and I'm more excited to do that again than I am to do what I'm actually here for.
I retrieve my tracker from my PAK, just to double check that The Dib isn't testing me. He isn't. The location of the blinking red dot on screen indicates that he hasn't left his room. As insanely frustrating as all of his more recent questions for me have been, I still find myself wanting him to be here. Even though I don't have any answers for him. I should have just told him that he is indeed Zim's boyfriend but Tallest Red was so incessant and condescending in that moment, I couldn't focus and now I have no idea how to broach the subject again. I honestly shouldn't have to either. Are all humans this dense? Could it be any clearer that the human belongs to me?
And what does that even mean? I didn't plan for any of this and yet somehow we've made this work for almost four earth months. I guess for a human that could be a significant amount of time and that's why he's got all these new questions but I don't have any new answers. If this research goes well with the Tallests, what would happen? Would my banishment reversal be effective immediately? Would I even have time to escort Dib-Thing back to earth or would I immediately be placed back in the academy for the new training requirements? Would I be assigned a new planet? He asked if he'd ever see me again and it's a good question because I don't know…
"How long are you planning on sitting here?" I jump when I hear Tallest Spork ask from beside me.
"What now? What do you have to say?" I ask in exasperation.
"Testy today, I see." He replies.
"Because I want you to go away and stop coming back." I say through gritted teeth.
"Yeah we've been over this. It doesn't matter what you want." He says matter of factly.
"Are you going to get going any time soon or are you going to keep your Tallests waiting?" I hear from behind me and groan when I turn to see Tallest Miyuki leaning over the top of my chair.
"He's daydreaming about his precious human, right Zim?" Spork taunts.
"Shut the hell up!" I shout but they're both unphased by the outburst and Miyuki walks around so that she's on my left.
"You need to refocus." Miyuki says sharply and I turn my gaze out the windshield to avoid eye contact from both of them.
"Focus on what? Killing more leaders?" Spork laughs and I feel flames ignite behind my eyes but I'm still staring straight forward.
"Zim would never do that!" I insist and my antennas lay flat against my skull when they both scoff in response. "The Tallests reached out to me! You both act as if I came here on my own accord, but they asked me to! I'm doing exactly what they want!" I insist.
"Are you?" Spork asks.
"If that's the case, then why are you so late getting here? Why are you still sitting in the ship dock daydreaming? Why are you so preoccupied with that Alien?" Miyuki pesters.
"Stop asking me questions! None of that is any of your business, I don't answer to either of you anymore!" I hiss but when I turn to look at Miyuki she isn't there anymore and another glance confirms that neither is Spork. "How could anyone that has been Tallest before be so troublesome and infuriating?" I mumble in complaint, but thank goodness no one responds and I sigh. They were right about one thing, though. I need to focus. I've been distracted but I'm here to serve my leaders, that's it. "Computer, open a transmission with the Almighty Tallests." I command, standing from my seat and watching the screen as it trills. The call is finally connected and both Ro and Hex are staring back on me, seeming even taller on the screen today. "Trechstem my Tallests." I bow, placing my fist over my heart.
"Trechstem, Zim." They reply in unison.
"Have you arrived here on Irk?" Hex asks and her large bright white eyes stare into me.
"Yes." I reply, swallowing hard. There is no possible way they know anything, so why does it feel as if she's looking at me because they do? The Tallests are all knowing so maybe they do know something but... I checked the ship for cameras and bugs when it was delivered. I even had the computer scan it for the existence of possible trackers, not that they would really care if I stopped off on Suittie. I could make anything up, like a lie that GIR fell from the airlock and I was looking for him.
"We're sending an escort and a ship drone your way now." Ro says. "They will be there shortly and we need to begin working immediately after you get to the Massive."
"Of course." I reply with a nod and finally breathe a sigh of relief when they hang up, flopping back into my seat. "Computer, lock the bedrooms and storage level doors and let them only be opened by my voice command."
"It is done." He replies. Zim doesn't need whoever they send to park my ship to go snooping around to find any weird earth stuff to report back to the Tallests.
I continue to stare through the windshield at all the other ships in the dock but there are no other Irkens here and I've been the only ship to land here recently. There used to be more traffic on and off Irk. These new Tallests must prefer to keep a closer eye on their people. I'm not sure how long I've been lost in thought when a message pops up on screen of someone requesting to board and I hit accept. I stand up to greet them once they're beamed up.
"Ship drone?" I ask.
"Yes, that would be me." Says the Irken. He seems a little familiar but I can't tell if I know him. "I've been instructed to park your ship in the Azer quadrant. Here's your number." He hands me a small ticket which I tuck away into my PAK. After he's set up, I leave the ship and wait outside the dock area. I'm turned backwards, watching my ship drift away when I hear someone approaching behind me.
"Zim." I hear and I'm immediately irritated when the recognition clicks.
"Why would the Tallests send you?" I ask in disgust, narrowing my eyes at her. She looks exactly the same, long curly antennas, purple tunic longer in the back, steel-toe boots, and the implant on the left side of her head, just over her eye. The only difference is this long scar on her head. It starts near the base of her right antenna and extends down to the middle of her eyes.
"I'm not exactly happy about it either so let's just get this over with." She replies, rolling her eyes.
"Absolutely not. Tell the Tallests to send someone else. I don't trust going anywhere with you, Tak." I reply, spitting out her name.
"You want me to order the Tallests around? What is wrong with you?" She asks but I just cross my arms and grit my teeth. "Listen. I am second in command here. I will not act in any way that has not been specifically instructed to me by my almighty Tallests."
"Second in command?" I gasp. "You?! The Tallests-"
"And it would be in your best interest not to question them in front of me." She says, her tone icy. As much as I hate to admit it, she's right. But I still don't trust her. I haven't seen her since she attempted to steal my mission on earth. Well, what I thought was my mission. She went flying off into space and I assumed she died but apparently she's closer to the Tallests than she ever even dreamed of.
I clear my throat and straighten up my posture. "Prove it."
"What?" She scoffs.
"Prove that you are in fact the second in command and that the Tallests sent you to escort me to the massive." I say back and she sighs.
"Only because I refuse to keep my Tallests waiting because of your idiocy." She replies and clicks around on her right glove. A few short seconds later, a hologram transmission is projected from her wrist. "My Tallests, I've just arrived at the dock and am on my way back to you with Zim."
"Good work, Lieutenant. We appreciate your confirmation and will see you when you arrive." I hear one of the Tallests reply. I peer over her shoulder and do in fact see both Ro and Hex just before the transmission ends and Tak hastily turns to me.
"We need to leave. I have other assignments I must focus on today." She says, retrieving a small metal circle from inside her PAK. She drops it and it lays flat on the ground for a second before growing in size until it becomes a decent sized transporter. It's a tall, enclosed capsule type structure and the front half swings open.
"Fine." I say, boarding the transporter only after she does. It lifts from the ground until it reaches one of the metal beams that connects Irk to the Massive and it starts to glide upwards. "How did you become second in command?" I ask finally.
"It's none of your business! And what are you here for anyway?" She hisses, leaning up against the wall.
"Shouldn't you already know the answer to that, lieutenant?" I ask, narrowing my gaze.
"They only tell me what I need to know." She replies.
"Well then. Zim will tell you why I'm here. If you tell me how you got into the new Tallests good graces." I offer and she contemplates it for a moment.
"You're a liar." She decides and I shrug my shoulders. She isn't wrong. The rest of the ride is spent in silence and it takes a long time to reach the Massive. Another quick check of my tracking device confirms that Dib-Human is still in his dormitory and it does my squeedilyspooch good to know that he's learning who is calling the shots here. "What is that?" Tak ask, eyeing the device suspiciously as I store it away.
"That is none of your business." I hiss in response. Our cart finally pulls to a stop and the door slides open, revealing two Irken soldiers.
"Lieutenant." They say as Tak exits and she ignores them. I follow behind her, walking down the deep purple corridor. This hallway is like a long tunnel, the top and sides being windows and that's about it. There are no doors except for the large metal double doors at the end and when we reach them, Tak presses the intercom button.
"My Tallests, it's Tak. I'm here to deliver Zim to you." She states and the doors make a clicking sound so she can push them open. I follow her inside and look around the main room which looks exactly like it always does on transmissions. I stop in front of the large screen where Ro and Hex are always standing when they speak with me and the nausea creeps up on me as the room starts spinning a bit.
"Almost exactly like the old Massive, don't you agree?" I hear and it's Ro approaching from the other side of the room, Hex following close behind. I'm too caught up in my own thoughts to respond at the moment. "Thank you, Tak. You are dismissed."
Tak salutes the Tallests before quickly taking her leave and now it's just the three of us in here. I swallow back that awful sick feeling I get from thinking about my last transmission with Tallests Red and Purple. The layout of their ship was exactly like this one, I could believe it was the same one if I hadn't watched it go up in flames with my own eyes. I shake the thought away and salute my Tallests.
"Thank you for the opportunity, My Tallests." I state and then straighten up, ready for whatever orders they have.
"We'll be starting immediately so allow us to show you to the research and development room." Hex says. I glance back at the large transmission screen for a moment before following them back towards where they came from. Seeing them in person, they're significantly shorter than Red and Purple. Where they were over four and a half meters tall, Ro and Hex seemed to be about a meter shorter. That would make them the shortest leaders I've seen Irk have in my lifetime.
As we're crossing the room it hits me how vacant it is. It's completely devoid of any other Irkens. No communication officers, no table drones, no Irkens offering snacks to the Tallests.
"Where… where is everyone?" I ask.
"In retraining. Even our coms officers must attend for a portion of the day." Ro replies without looking back. I hum in understanding, looking around at all the empty stations. The Massive that went into the FLORPUS hole was filled with Irkens. Coms officers, servants, soldiers, and a lot of the Irken elite were all there when it happened. I have plenty of other questions like why they chose Tak as their new lieutenant, what exactly all this retraining entails, what the purpose of it is, but I only ask one.
"Will I be required to undergo retraining as well?" I inquire just as we reach the other side of the room and Ro enters a code into the wall panel. The silver door dissipates and we all head inside.
"Yes. Of course. But first things first." Hex states. This room is about the same size as the main room, the only difference is that there are three different computer screens hanging from the ceiling, a large table with controls rooted to the floor in front of them. The back wall looks like it consists of a dozen black doors but they're all closed and the only other thing in the room, the thing I am not excited to see, is a table station. On either side of the control table are rows of metal examination tables, all propped up with holes in their center. "This is where the initial PAK analysis will be taking place." She says, walking over to the controls and clicking around. The computer screens click on one at a time, each displaying something different. The first one is a virtual depiction of my file which I immediately look away from. The second one shows directions on how to set up the PAK analysis and the third one is a bright blue screen with nothing but a blinking cursor.
"This process requires a lot of energy to go properly but that will not be an issue, we have only the best means of nutrition right here." Ro informs, tapping a hand against one of the black doors which slides up to reveal shelves packed full of the most expensive and elusive foods known to Irk. "When your energy begins to drop, the computer will let us know when it's low and we'll pause for a snack break." Irken elite snacks… As tempting as that is…
"Actually - my Tallests - Zim has quite taken to earth food." I state and they share a confused look.
"Is earth nutrition able to sustain an Irken properly?" Hex asks. It absolutely is not.
"It has been since I've been there." I reply but they both look skeptical. "It's also probably a good idea to not alter my diet before or during the analysis so you can get only the most accurate data." I continue and they're thoughtful at that.
"You do have a point. However, we have no earth snacks here and it would take too long sending someone to pick any up." Ro replies.
"I brought plenty." I say back. "On my ship. During the breaks I could go to the ship."
"Well… You will be very low on energy and we cannot have you roaming around Irk in a weakened state so we will have Tak escort you during your breaks." Hex decides, turning back to the controls. I want to argue but I shouldn't. I've already gone against their orders enough and I just got here. Zim will handle Tak when the situation presents itself.
"Please situate yourself on table one." Ro tells me and I finally walk over to the table station, climbing to the top step so that when I turn around, my PAK fits into the hole in the table. "You'll become weak, as we've already explained, so we have some restraints set up." She continues, approaching me. Her blue eyes roam over the table before she lifts her hand and I see she's holding three small white buttons. She places one over my head, one near my right elbow and one near my left knee before she looks satisfied and joins Hex at the controls table.
"Are you ready to start?" Hex asks and I look between them for a moment.
"How long will the PAK analysis take?" I inquire, not in a hurry to be strapped to a table.
"That is fully dependent on your body's ability to maintain energy. The less breaks the better." Hex replies.
"And then you'll take DNA?" I ask. We've already discussed this plan during our previous transmissions but it's starting to feel like as much as I want to please my Tallests, maybe I don't want to do it this way.
"Yes. And that will be it. You'll rejoin the academy right after as we will not need you to be here while we create the preventative solution." Ro states and I nod. I can't rejoin the academy before I take Dib back to earth and it isn't something I want to rely on Skoodge for. I'll figure it out.
"Are you ready, now?" Hex asks again.
"Yes." I reply confidently and then she clicks around the controls. It feels almost like rope has been tied around me at the points where Ro placed the restraint buttons. Although my head is held back, I can glance down and see bright blue lights, one runs across my torso and the other across my legs. I feel the curve of the circle tighten around my PAK and then sink into it, a few beeping sounds coming from the overhead computers but I can't see them anymore. "My PAK feels kind of… hot."
"Yes, that's normal." Ro replies as they both continue staring down at the controls. I swallow and take a deep breath, trying to calm my suddenly on edge nerves. Irkens don't get cold but everywhere aside from my PAK is suddenly freezing to the point that I'm shaking a little and I stare around the room to try not to think about it. There really isn't much to see though so I focus on the sounds instead, closing my eyes. At first I think I'm closing my eyes out of boredom or just to hone in on sounds alone but I immediately realize that it actually feels nice. My eyelids are heavy as I open them and blink a couple of times, finally settling on keeping them closed. Although they made me nervous initially, the restraints are actually a good thing because it starts feeling like I can't keep myself upright. This feels similar to the way the dream simulator pulls me under except it's way less comfortable and I probably won't be viewing any moving pictures if I fall asleep.
"You're doing great, Zim." I hear one of the Tallests call out but actually can't open my eyes. I want to ask why I'm suddenly so exhausted but I can't get my mouth to open either. One of them says something else to me, or maybe they're just talking to each other now, but I have no idea what is being said because it's a garbled, muffled mess. It sounds like they repeat it but now they sound too far away and then there's nothing but silence.