SUMMARY
So for this update , you can expect it to be from Zim's perspective ! ! It's also a bit longer than the usual chapter because I've had so much time to work on it haha XD ! ! The title of this chapter comes from the song Let Me Love the Lonely by James Arthur which is one of my all time favorite songs ever and a total ZaDr song because it just depicts how they understand one another like no one else can because they are one and the same . This chapter is a total rollercoaster from horrible fighting to… well a little bit of making up lol XP So I'm giving a trigger warning for violence, blood, on screen injuries and just overall declining physical health. Also it only gets worse from here… just a heads up hahaha XD
AUTHORS NOTE
Omggggg haiiiii everyone ! !^_^ How are you ? ! I hope you've all been great ! ! I am okay and I'm sorry I totally disappeared T_T Honestly, taking a long break from social media is amazing and I highly recommend it lol. Anyway! I hope you've all been enjoying your summer ! ! And I can't thank you enough for coming back to read this . Obviously this story is my baby and it means a lot to me and I will go out of my way to keep posting it ^_^ ! ! Any comments will be greatly appreciated ! ! I hope you enjoy this update ! !
Your Own Worst Enemy
I just finished the insane trek back to the OGI headquarters and it takes so much energy just to lift my arm and enter in the code. After two failed attempts, I manage to type in the correct number combination and start down into the bunker. I almost miss the bottom step because my ocular implants just aren't kicking in fast enough so it's really dark down here. When I catch my footing again, my head swims a little as I turn around and try to type in the passcode to secure the entrance. Thankfully, I'm able to do that in one go and exhale a relieved breath which turns into a series of coughs that make my eyes tear up. It's frustrating because my night vision still hasn't kicked in. I lean against the sealed entryway and catch my breath for a few moments before starting down all the extensive hallways and long flights of stairs. When I finally reach 427 I squint at the access panel and slowly type in the code and the door slides up.
"Finally." I mumble, stepping into the room.
"Master!" GIR shouts excitedly, barreling into me and knocking me back into the door, causing a blistering pain to radiate through me.
"Ow! GIR, please stop it!" I scold and he backs up looking a little confused and a little sad.
"But I missed you!" He replies.
"I haven't been gone all that long." I say back, straightening up. My back is sore right around where my PAK connects to my skin. So far, we've done two sessions of this analysis and if it goes on for much longer, I may have to take the Tallests up on their offer of elite snacks on the Massive because all of this traveling back and forth on foot while my energy is depleted is really taking a toll on me.
"I made you a muffin!" He exclaims, a large half eaten muffin popping out of his head and landing in his hand so he can hold it out to me. I sigh and just take it because I wouldn't be able to stand his screaming if I tell him I don't want it. He trots happily back over to the couch next to Minimoose and I walk over to Dib-Thing's room. I crack the door open and peer inside but he isn't there. The light is on and the blinds are up so I can see that it's daylight on earth. When I walk over to the computer desk I notice the sound of running water and reason he must be in the shower. I feel my legs start to shake a bit and decide to sit in the computer chair, looking over at the portable viewer. It's paused on whatever show he was watching and his computer is also open next to it. The screen is dark but it's playing music. There are also a few stacks of paper on the desk but I don't have it in me to try and focus on the even handwriting covering them all. It feels like an eternity before I finally hear the water shut off and he comes out a few minutes later, in a white t-shirt and some black pajama pants. He's still toweling at the top of his head until he looks over and notices me.
"Oh! Hey, when did you get here?" He asks, hanging the towel from a hook on the bathroom door and then shutting it. I just shrug and he walks over, picking up his glasses from the desk and putting them on. "You… Have you eaten anything yet?" He asks.
"No, but Zim is certainly not eating this." I reply, holding the muffin up.
"I told him to stop wasting those." He sighs, taking it and tossing it into the trash bin on the side of the desk. "Wait here." He says, leaving the room. He comes back quickly with an armful of snacks, setting them out in front of me. "Hurry up because you look… bad."
"You're one to talk. Your hair stuff is a mess." I bite back but immediately start trying to tear through packages.
"I didn't mean it as an insult, I just…" He says, sitting down on the bed across from me. "So anyway, how much more analysis will there be? When will they start actually making whatever it is they're trying to make?"
"I've no idea." I say in frustration as I'm trying to open a Vortian candy bar. My nails seem to be more malleable and it hurts to try and pluck the package open. I try a couple more times before huffing and throwing it across the room. It smacks against Dib's chest and he catches it before it falls to the floor, then looks at me confused for a moment. "Open that for me!"
"I… Okay…" he says carefully and then removes the clear adhesive and unfolds the small box down the center. "Here." He says, walking it over to me. I snatch it up quickly and start scarfing down the lavender bar.
"What?!" I snap. Why is he just standing there staring at me?
"Nothing, nothing!" He replies quickly. I'm about to scold him for staring at me as usual but I'm cut off by an abrupt coughing fit. It doesn't stop until I can barely see through blurry vision and my throat is hurting. I start trying to catch my breath once it's done but it's knocked out of me when Dib places a hand on my PAK.
"Get off of me!" I exclaim, smacking his hand away.
"Sorry!" He says, holding both hands up. "I'm just a little… Did that hurt?"
"No, you just don't need to be touching me! Zim is trying to eat!" I reply and he sighs. I'm so preoccupied with eating the candy bar that I don't notice what he's doing for a few minutes. He's clearing the desk of his papers and then opening all the snack packages he brought to the room. I don't have the energy to stop him at the moment. I can do it myself, it was just this particular candy bar that was hard to open but I'm no smeet, I can take care of myself! But… I won't stop him. Once he finishes, I reach over and pick up a powdered donut from the tray that's laid out. He's quietly watching as he stands to the side of the desk. "Do you… want one?" I ask.
"An Irken donut? Barf." He replies and I shrug.
"How will your taste buds ever evolve if you never let them?" I ask.
"I'll survive." he snorts. Then GIR comes speeding into the room holding a green crayon high. He jumps up into my lap and shoves it in my face.
"This is my favorite color! Taste it!" He exclaims and I back away, turning my head away. My back touches the back of the computer chair and the pain radiates through me again.
"Ouch! GIR I don't want to eat a crayon!" I screech but he's ignoring me, still trying to shove in my mouth.
"GIR!" Dib calls and he turns to look his way.
"Yes Master?" GIR asks and I'm taken aback because he's certainly not speaking to Zim.
"I told you that if you keep eating the crayons, you won't have any to color with." He continues, picking GIR up and setting him down on the floor.
"But the green ones taste like possums!" GIR wines and Dib holds his hand out. GIR drops the crayon in his hand with a sniffle.
"Alright. I'll give it back." He says and GIR perks up. "After you wash all your beautiful art off the living room wall."
"I don't wanna-" he starts and Dib holds the crayon up. "Okay!" GIR says and runs out of the room.
"When did-" I start to ask about that whole master thing but Dib cuts me off mid sentence.
"Get up." He says and I blink at him a couple of times.
"Huh?" I ask.
"Get up." He repeats, maintaining both steely tone and expression.
"For what? I'm trying to eat." I counter, picking up a yellow pack of Fun Dip. As much as I've eaten I still feel on the verge of passing out. The only thing that's gotten slightly better seems to be my vision.
"I'll call him back in here right now if you don't get up." He says evenly.
"Learning extortion from your horrible sister, I see." I scoff, emptying the powdered sugar into my mouth and standing up with the sugar stick. My legs are still a bit unsteady but I hold onto the back of the computer chair. If he notices, he doesn't mention it. Happy?"
"Well actually, I kind of need you to take off your tunic."
"WHAT?!" I exclaim, almost choking on the candy.
"There's obviously something wrong. Even YOU aren't usually this irritable." He replies.
"Maybe it's because you and GIR get more irritating with every passing second! Did you ever consider that, Dib-Monkey?!" I retort and he sighs.
"I think you need a hug. Oh GI-" he starts to call but doesn't finish because I shove the empty fun dip packaging in his mouth. I hiss when the action bends all my nails back but he definitely doesn't notice because he's sputtering and spitting out the yellow wrapping.
"If you call him in here I'll- I'll melt your face off or something!"
"Then let me see what's wrong with your PAK!" He insists.
"There's nothing wrong with my PAK!" I say without thinking but then take a deep breath. I knew this PAK analysis would drain my energy but I have to finally admit that I feel worse than expected. Maybe I should let him check, although I'm sure he won't be able to do anything about it besides complain. "Fine." I reply, facing away from him and picking up a can of nectar. Thank goodness he already opened it because I know I'd probably struggle with it and my throat feels too much like sandpaper to waste time picking at this container. As I'm taking a long sip, he lifts the back of my uniform slowly and I hear him suck in air behind me.
"Oh… my God…" he whispers.
"What?" I ask, turning my head but of course I still can't see my own back. All I see are his furrowed brows and slack jaw. "What is it, Dib-Thing?"
"It's… you… they- your skin!" He sputters, still staring and the look on his face actually does make me a little nervous but he's probably just exaggerating.
"What about it?"
"It's… Burned or cut or something. I don't know, you need to see it." He says, then I hear a few clicks of his watch. When he slowly lowers my uniform down again, I turn around and look at the image his watch is projecting.
In the picture, there's damaged skin surrounding my PAK, stretching to about two inches in all directions. It's a deep menacing bluish purple color, like hardened scabs over an injury and I look away from the picture, trying to focus on my drink. I've never seen anything like that before. When an Irken gets injured, our PAK heals us way before anything this serious can be noticed but if this damage is the reason my back has been in agonizing pain, my PAK isn't working fast enough. He pulls his arm away and continues to stare at the image so I click his watch off.
"Stop fretting. It's not as bad as it looks." I say, even though I'm not so sure. But whatever it is, it isn't anything I can't handle.
"Not as- What?" He exclaims, incredulous expression magnified by his large glasses. "What the hell are they doing on the Massive?!"
"It's just analysis, right now, you're so annoying when you get worked up like this!" I scold and he rolls his eyes.
"How much longer is this analysis going to take?" He scoffs.
"I'm not sure, it's only been two sessions so far."
"You're not sure? Did you ask them any questions about this process at all?!"
"Of course I did! What do you think, I'm stupid!?" I seethe.
"Then why was this session longer than the first? How much more analyzing will they be doing? What information have they gathered so far? Have they started working on the preventative solution yet?" He asks and I sigh.
"Stop. You're getting Dib-ranting."
"Good! I'm giving you ideas for questions that you should be asking them on your own!"
"You don't just question the Tallests like that!"
"Well you should! It's your body! Your PAK, your DNA, you should ask questions!" He insists.
"I don't need to! It's just simple data retrieval, right now. That's all!"
"Tuh. Data retrieval. Does it entail dipping you in a fucking deep-fryer?!" He exclaims and I roll my eyes, sitting back down and continuing to eat the snacks at the computer desk. "Zim, what's the process?! What exactly are they doing!?"
"I don't know!"
"How could you not know?" He asks, sounding as exhausted as I feel.
"Because they hook me up to the machine and then… I just don't remember anything besides waking up again!"
"They're putting you to sleep?" He asks in bewilderment.
"Sure, Dib. Whatever words will help your pathetic human brain process the situation." I reply trying to express my frustration in my tone but my words come out sounding tired and slow. Although I'm hoping he doesn't pick up on it, I know he does because he suddenly stops asking all the questions and just stands there, watching me eat the remainder of the snacks. When I finish, I glance up at him and he's still watching with this weird face. "What!?"
"Nothing." He says softly. "How much longer is your break?"
"Why?"
"I was just wondering…" he replies. "You might be a little more comfortable if you sit on the bed."
I glance over at the large fluffy comforter and the big pillows, warily. Even though my gut instinct is to refuse, I've still got a decent amount of time before Tak or the Tallests become suspicious and maybe lying down will make me feel a bit better. Resting might help my PAK recharge combined with all the snacks and I'll be much more prepared for the third session. It's not likely that I'll fall asleep on my own but I actually hope maybe I can. I feel so drained and I just need something to help.
"You might be right." I reply, finally and a look of relief crosses his face.
"I'll bet you wish you had your own room, now." He teases and I roll my eyes. "Just get comfy. I'll be right back, I'm just going to check on GIR and Minimoose." He leaves the room and I look down at the bed. Clearly I can't lay on my back so I carefully position myself on my stomach and it does relieve some of the dizziness I've been feeling. I have no idea how long Dib-Human was gone because I can't even tell if I was unconscious or not but when I hear him start talking to me I notice my eyes are closed.
"Huh?" I ask, blinking up at his unfocused figure.
"I said I have something to put on your back… If you want. It'll make you feel better." He says, holding up a jar for me to see but I can't read the label. It looks like a clear glass jar with a blue label and whatever is inside is gelatinous and clear, too.
"What is that? Is that from earth?" I inquire, starting to sit up but he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"No. And don't get up. You were actually asleep for a few minutes when I came back, so just stay like that as long as you need to."
"Sleep? That's ridiculous, Irkens don't sleep." I reply quickly but still let my head fall back down onto the pillow.
"Right. So can I apply this or not?" He asks.
"Read the label."
"I can't. Unless you want me to put my translator on, just give me a minute."
"No, it's okay." I say back, then a thought occurs to me. "Where did you get that?"
"It was uh… Already here. Yeah in the bathroom in GIR and Minimoose's room. I saw it yesterday and um, I used my translator to- it's not important." He stutters, gaze flitting about the room. "It's a healing serum with a numbing agent. I think it'll help." He says, sitting down next to me at the edge of the bed. His communicator watch starts beeping and he immediately clicks it off.
"Was that Gaz-Sister?" I inquire, curious about why he chose not to answer.
"Oh, uh, yeah. I'll call her back." He says quickly, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "Are you ready?"
"I guess." I reply, attempting to shrug my shoulders but the pain is too intense so I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel a chill across my back as he works the zippers down my uniform first the two on top of my PAK and then the two on the bottom.
"It might be cold. And sting a little at first."
"Just get on with it. I have to be leaving soon."
"Okay." He replies and I hear the lid being twisted off the serum. A couple of seconds later I feel the freezing gel pressing into my back and I have to concentrate on whatever awful music is still playing from his computer in an attempt to not shift away from the treatment. "Let me know if you need to take a break. Or something…"
"It's fine." I say quickly, taking a deep breath and gritting my teeth. The areas that he's applying the serum to do sting at first but his touch is extremely gentle as he's being super careful not to apply too much pressure. After a minute or two, the areas he's already treated start to cool down and then the cold feeling is covered by a relieving numbness. I actually had no idea I was in so much discomfort until now, the relief is so intense I'm convinced I actually could go to sleep for a few hours. My eyes aren't pressed shut anymore, they're still closed but in a more relaxed manner and I sigh at the respite.
"I take it that means that it's working?" He asks and I'll be honest here, I almost forgot he was even there.
"Stop talking." I mumble and I hear him laugh softly as he continues the rest of the treatment on a few small areas that still hurt a bit but it's nothing like it was when I got here. I hear the container being twisted shut again and then there's the sound of his footsteps leaving the room. My muscles were tense just from trying to hold myself up in a way that wouldn't aggravate my back and now that they're relaxed, it's the only slight soreness I can feel.
I have to admit, his Dib-ranting drives Zim up the wall but it actually came in handy. And he didn't even have to do that. He knows my PAK heals me but he was still so concerned. He's clearly not okay with me being in physical discomfort and as annoying as all of his questions about the Tallests have been, I think it means that he cares about me. And I like that.
He cares a lot about GIR too. All the food he's brought for this long trip is limited and he's still sharing it with him. He's keeping him occupied and entertained, and most importantly, he's keeping him safe. I don't know why I let the Tallests past make me doubt, even for a second, my ability to ensure Dib's safety. We've been here for about nine hours, which is just over two earth days, and he's perfectly fine.
"Alright, it should be pretty absorbed. Let's get you zipped back up." He says, striding back into the room. When he's finished I sit up and my head only swims a little and it's slightly easier to focus my eyes.
"Well, um…" I start as I'm looking around the room. "Although it really is your pleasure to serve me, I appreciate your assistance, Dibromide."
"That's got to be the Zimmiest gratitude articulation I've ever heard." He snorts, shaking his head and I shrug because that's the best he's going to get right now. I haven't even heard from any of the voices in some time but apparently I don't always need their help to feel this way. To feel so undeserving. "Actually, there's something I want to talk to you about." He continues, adjusting his glasses and fixing his gaze towards the floor.
"It'll have to wait until my next break as this one seems to have concluded. Tak will be expecting me soon and it's a long way back to the ship."
"It's important though." He replies, still watching the floor.
"If it's about leaving this room, again-"
"No, it isn't. It's-" he starts but is cut off by the sound of trilling from my PAK. When I extend the communicator it says of course that it's Tak. She's so impatient.
"It can wait until I come back then." I reply, standing from the bed and barely stopping myself from stumbling backwards when he reaches out and grabs my hand. We just stare at each other for a few seconds and his expression is unreadable, then he slowly releases my hand and looks back down at the floor.
"Alright." He says quietly and part of me actually does want to sit back down and find out what's got him acting even more Dib-ish than usual but… he isn't going anywhere and I don't need Tak snooping around trying to find me. "You should probably get this session done before the serum wears off, anyway." He adds and I just nod, heading for the door. In the living room, GIR is still scrubbing down the wall just over the couch but he's got some awful nursery rhyme playing on the portable viewer that I can only assume is what has been driving Dib mad.
"Good luck with that." I say, nodding towards GIR and Dib chuckles a bit but it's slightly off. It's weighted and we make this tense eye contact again that makes my stomach flip and I feel my pulse in my antennas until I am finally able to tear my gaze away, place my hand on the palm pad, and leave the room. I start walking down the long hallways and notice that my ocular implants are finally working so it isn't so difficult for me to navigate the poorly lit hallways but I still feel myself becoming more winded with each step I take so I slow my pace a bit. Just as I finish climbing all the steps to the first level of the bunker, I run into Skoodge.
"Oh! Zim! How's it going with the Tallests?" He asks when we both stop walking. It's still weird seeing him in person because I didn't realize how much taller I'd gotten on earth. Humans tend to be so tall by the time they're done growing. Even Dib-Human is taller than Zim and he's considered short by other humans. Skoodge has got to be about a foot shorter than I am.
"It's fine. But I have to leave now before Tak starts to get curious." I say back.
"Tak?"
"Yes. The Tallests have her escorting me during my snack breaks. It's inconvenient because she thinks I'm having snacks on my ship and I have to walk all the way here from the ship which the Tallests have parked in the furthest structure and-"
"So you've already checked on Dib?" He asks and I squint.
"When did you start calling him that?"
"Oh I don't know, anyway, I can drop you off at your ship."
"Tak will see you and she's second in command, remember?"
"She will not be an issue. I have to meet with her today anyway." He replies confidently.
"Wait what?"
"Yes, Tak is the one who established a connection between the OGI and the Snack guards. She brings us food. She also delivers resources we can use for the infirmary."
"Wait what?" I repeat.
"You're confused."
"You're saying that Tak helps the OGI?"
"She does."
"Eh? But why?" I ask, completely baffled.
"Well, she came here, to the OGI. And after that failed attempt on earth, she had drifted around space for a long time before eventually coming back to Irk. She was pretty beaten down and sustained a lot of injuries somehow. She never told me what exactly happened but we fixed her up and she stayed here until Ro and Hex became Tallests. Then she re-attempted the same snack plan on a nearby planet and it worked."
"Hey so… Technically both her and the OGI should be thanking the mighty Zim?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"Yes sure but let's get you back to your ship. You shouldn't be walking that far right now anyway, in your condition."
"What condition? I'm perfect." I ask, watching him carefully.
"Oh um, I just meant the um, well if they keep sending you for snack breaks I figured it's because your energy is low, right?"
"Yes… Of course. Well let's go." I reply, trying to shake this suspicion that he knows much more than he's letting on. Once we reach the entrance and he deactivates it we proceed out into the vacant surrounding area. The stairs are awful on my breathing but I think I do a decent job of hiding my winded state. We walk through the lot and Skoodge stops to uncloak his ship, activating the entry belt and I'm slightly annoyed that I have to walk up the ramp instead of him just using the beam. Once we've boarded I drop into the copilot's seat on his left and he gives me this odd look before focusing on starting up the engine and getting us moving. It's really only a ten minute flight but walking would have taken me forever. As we approach the lot furthest from the entrance I can see Tak still standing outside my ship, tapping an impatient foot. She looks confused when Skoodge uncloaks his ship and we both come down the ramp.
"Hold on… Why are… I thought you.." she sputters, looking between the two of us and looking back at my ship.
"Hi Tak!" Skoodge says finally but she's still looking at me, dumbfounded.
"Why aren't you on your ship and what are you doing with Skoodge?" She asks, sounding exasperated.
"Zim was…" I start but am unable to come up with a good excuse. She may have connections with Skoodge and the OGI but I don't know why and I'd still rather not tell anyone else the real reason I've been damn near killing myself to walk back and forth between my ship and the bunker. I mean nothing could be THAT important…
"I asked him to come to the bunker." Skoodge says and Tak perks an antenna.
"You're joining the OGI?" She asks.
"That's none of your business!" I hiss and she rolls her eyes.
"You're right. And I really don't care. But it's a good thing you're here, Skoodge." She says, extending a PAK leg and dropping a very small glass vial into her open palm. "You must use it sparingly, I don't know when I'll be able to get more." She continues, holding it out to him and he looks so relieved that he might faint right here on the steel ground. The contents is a glowing blue liquid. He reaches over and takes it from her, observing it briefly and then placing it in the pocket of his tunic.
"You were able to get more than last time, thank you." Skoodge says and she shrugs.
"How's Mimi doing?" She asks and Skoodge smiles.
"She's well. Right now she's accompanying Tenn to the junkyards to locate materials for ship repairs." He replies and I purse my lips, glancing around and then sighing loudly.
"I hate to interrupt but also I don't. Can we go now?" I say and they both seem to remember we all aren't here to have a picnic.
"Right. I'll bring Mimi the next time I see you." Skoodge tells her and she nods, activating the capsule transporter. I step inside as soon as the doors swing open. The two of them speak quietly for a few seconds and then Tak boards with me. The doors slide shut and we begin our ascent towards the Massive in tense silence. We make eye contact for a brief moment and seem to come to an unspoken agreement that we won't ask each other any questions so I return my gaze to the floor. Tak really is consorting with the OGI. How is she managing to hide such a secret from Ro and Hex? Why would she continuously be putting herself at risk in this way? It cannot solely be because Skoodge has agreed to look after her SIR unit. Could it possibly be because she feels some obligation of sorts to The OGI? Is it a possible show of gratitude for the time that she stayed there in the Bunker? If such is the case, that would mean her loyalty doesn't just lie with the Tallests or the empire. Perhaps she is loyal to both the Tallests and The OGI, meaning it's possible that maybe my own could be split down the middle as well. Unless she just puts up a very convincing act and isn't loyal to them at all. It's possible that she only serves the Tallests as a way to continue providing support to The OGI.
My head starts hurting as it's overrun with all these new thoughts and considerations when the transport capsule pulls to a stop and the doors slide open. It almost feels like I'm floating down the hallway to the main room because I'm still so focused on my racing mind. I barely stop in time when we get to the huge doors. She squints at me but doesn't say anything, then proceeds to alert the Tallests of our arrival. Just before the doors are unlocked we stare at each other again.
"This is obvious, but don't-" she starts quietly, grabbing hold of the door handle.
"I know." I say back and she just nods, pushing the doors open. This time, there are a couple of communications officers seated at the long tables across the room. They're so engrossed in whatever is on their computer screens that they don't even look up at us when we enter.
"Tak, stop by Academy seven, subsection C and report back to us their progress since you last observed them in training." Hex commands and Tak nods.
"Yes, My Tallest." She replies, placing a fist over her chest and bowing before quickly leaving the main hall. Once the doors shut behind her, Hex gestures towards the research and development room and as I'm following her, I'm not sure if all the anxiety feelings Dib has are contagious but there are alarm bells going off in my head. I reason that it's simply because I'm slightly overwhelmed with all this new information so I shake them away and proceed into the back room where Ro is already at the keyboard, looking over some information on one of the large computer screens.
"I trust you had a good snack break." She says without looking away from the screen and Hex follows me over to the exam table. I walk up the steps and adjust myself on the table, then Hex places the glowing blue straps over me again. I don't even feel the table sinking into my PAK this time and I'm thankful Dib-Thing located that serum, otherwise I'm not sure I'd be able to endure another session of analysis.
"How far are you with the analysis?" Hex asks, walking across the room to where Ro is.
"Still at the roadblock." Ro replies and my antennas perk up but my head is fastened to the table tight so I can't move it to look down at them. Instead I strain my eyes their way before speaking.
"A roadblock?" I ask, hoping to get a bit more information about this and Hex clicks her tongue.
"Yes it appears we've hit an anomaly in your PAK data. We haven't been able to decode it." She says and Ro nods.
"What's the anomaly?"
"That's the thing, we have no idea. This code is woven into over 75% of your data, it's important that we figure it out as it's likely essential to make an effective preventative solution." Hex replies and I just sigh, shutting my eyes again. I'm drifting off to sleep soon after that brief conversation, thinking about how Dib would be upset that I didn't ask more questions. He'd probably get all Dib-ranting on me. And as I Let my mind wander, it approaches a thought I've been afraid of acknowledging. One that, even though I have been actively ignoring it and pushing it away, has only gotten stronger and still more prominent. Zim wants to serve the Tallests. I want to make them proud of me. I want my banishment reversed. I want an active role in OID3. But… I'm finally accepting that I don't want to go back to the academy because I don't want to leave earth… How could I?
—-
When I'm finally blinking my eyes open again, my head is swimming and the room is turning in circles. My vision is slightly blurry but thank goodness the serum seems to still be holding up because my back isn't in any pain. It's still entirely numb. The Tallests are saying something but all I hear is someone reply 'okay' before I'm being unstrapped from the table and led down the steps. I want to shove whoever it is away from me and shout at them not to touch me but I know I'd fall over if I did and I'm too exhausted to speak.
"Jeez, you look awful." I hear and now that my auditory processes are starting to work again, I recognize the voice to belong to Tak. I think we're boarding the transport capsule and once I hear the doors slide closed, she leans me against the wall and I slide down to the floor. "You think maybe it's a bad idea to be walking all the way to the Bunker right now?" She asks and I growl.
"What, do you care? Just mind your business."
"I don't. But Skoodge does. He wants me to bring you to the Bunker." She replies.
"I don't need your help."
"You can't even stand up. And… Whatever it is you keep going to the Bunker for, you'll have more time if you just let me drop you off." She says and I finally open my eyes to stare at her.
"What did Skoodge tell you?" I ask, watching her carefully.
"All he asked me to do is drop you off. That's it. Seriously Zim, I've got enough secrets of my own, I don't need yours, too." She sighs. Maybe I could let her do that. I can't imagine making it to the OGI on foot in this condition. I could stop at my ship and get some of my own snacks but I'd rather just go straight there.
"Fine." Is my only response and then we're both silent. When the transporter stops moving, she reaches a hand down to me and I stare at it for a moment before taking it, letting her pull me up. Luckily, Tak's ship is parked in the first yard so it doesn't take us long to get there. It's entirely black with one large sphere as the front. There's a smaller connector that stretches from the back to a second part of the ship and a purple Irken symbol is painted on it. She clicks the front window up and gets in, turning around to help me up and then shutting it. She only has one copilot's seat which I fall into immediately and drop my head into my hands.
"We should be there in about ten minutes." She says but I don't reply. As the ship gets moving I start to really assess how I'm feeling and it's making me think that Dib is right. I need to know more about what the Tallests are doing because this has got to be the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. "Here." Tak says, breaking my concentration. I look up and see she's holding out a box of donuts to me. There's six and they're all coated in pink icing with rainbow candy covering every inch. I'm just glancing between her and the box she's holding out when she sighs. "Just eat them."
"No." I say back.
"They're from the shipment Invader Jim brought the Tallests today."
"Okay. And why are you giving them to me? I thought you hated me."
"Because you look terrible and I don't want you to expire on my ship… And I don't have any reason to hate you anymore. I have everything I want. Plus, Skoodge sees something in you that I certainly don't but if he wants you to be alright then I'll help." She explains. I finally reach up and take the box, lifting the top lid off and setting it aside. Before picking one up, I stop and look at her because she's just staring and she immediately turns her attention back towards the window and the yolk. These donuts are definitely elite quality and fresh. After the third one, I've only got a tiny bit more energy but at least my head isn't swimming anymore and I can see clearly.
"So um…" I start after finishing all the donuts. "Are you going to be visiting with your SIR unit?" I ask. She watches me for a moment before shaking her head.
"She isn't there yet." She replies and I just nod. "And you?" She asks. I break eye contact and look down at the floor. "There's got to be a reason you keep going there. Skoodge won't tell me though." She continues but I keep quiet. The rest of the ride is silent and she cloaks her ship to land in the parking lot. When she opens the windshield, I climb out and turn around.
"Are you coming?" I ask and she shakes her head.
"Between me and you, I hate being underground." She says and there's a slight hint of what I think is a smile which is so odd coming from her. Especially being directed at me. I take another look around the empty lot but yup, it's just Zim here so she's definitely talking to me. "I'll wait here. Just don't make me wait more than 20 minutes. I'll find you." She says, shutting the ship and I turn, heading for the entrance to the Bunker. As I walk down the long hallways and descend all the steps my mind is still racing. Nothing about Irk is making sense anymore. But Tak being nice? To Zim? Now that is truly unsettling. I stop at the door and enter in the code and I'm startled when the door slides up because Dib is standing there wide eyed and staring at me.
"Oh my God, you're okay!" He exclaims as I step into the room.
"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask, noting that my back is actually starting to hurt again. I walk over and sit down at the table. GIR and Minimoose are nowhere to be seen and I reason that they're in their room. Dib follows me over to the table, wearing one of those panicked expressions like he does.
"We have seriously got to talk." He demands and I shrug.
"Yes, Zim recalls you had something you wanted to discuss." I reply and his gaze falters as the pink color starts across his face.
"That, um, well…" He sputters before deciding to just start gathering food instead. Once he sets all the snacks out, he sits down across from me. I shrug and turn my attention towards what I should eat first. But that's when I noticed the pink box of donuts amongst the other snacks like the yellow box of cookies and the fun dip. It's exactly like the ones I was eating on Tak's ship. I look over the date scribbled onto the side of the box that confirms these were made today.
"Where did you get these?" I ask, pointing to the box.
"They were already here. The storage unit is fully stocked, remember." He replies, looking off to the side and pushing his glasses further up his nose. He's lying.
"I don't like it when you lie to me." I reply evenly and he meets my gaze.
"Okay." He sighs. "Skoodge brought them for you."
"I knew it!" I exclaim, jumping up from my seat. "That's where you got that serum!"
"Yes, but it helped, didn't it?" He asks.
"Actually it did, this session was a lot more tolerable." I say thoughtfully.
"See, that's a good thing."
"Yes, I could actually use some more by the way, it- STOP DISTRACTING ME!" I yell and he huffs out a breath.
"Zim, it's not that big of a deal."
"You'd like to think that, eh? How often does he visit? Has he let you leave the room even though I specifically instructed you not you? Seen you out of disguise?" I ask, feeling my blood start to boil. Humans have this aggravating tendency to be so hard headed and deceptive! How did Zim ever expect to make them slaves!? They can't even follow the simplest of orders! He made it clear that he was fearful of being here, on Irk. I put these rules in place to protect him but it's all useless if he doesn't even listen to me!
"I haven't left the room and he hasn't seen me like this." He groans. "I thought you trusted Skoodge."
"I do! Just not… Not with you! Not yet!"
"My God, Zim, there are way more important things we need to talk about."
"I doubt that very much." I reply, crossing my arms. He stands up then, stepping over to me and I squint at him. I'm confused as he lifts the collar of my shirt and pulls something away from the material of my tunic underneath. "What… is that?"
"It's… Listen I needed to know what was going on during these sessions on the Massive and you weren't asking so I needed to figure it out on my own." He says and I snatch the tiny black circle away from him. It isn't much bigger than the tracker in his stomach.
"So you bugged me?! Are you crazy?!" I shout, throwing it across the room. Not only has he been lying since we've been here but this is the stupidest thing he's done in a long time. "Do you know what would happen if the Tallests found this on me? They could use it to find you! This entire place! They could have sent someone to follow me and Tak! How could you be such an idiot?!"
"I didn't- wait, why is Tak here?"
"That isn't important!"
"You're right, it's not. I have to tell you what I heard the Tallests saying!" He insists and I feel myself get angrier that he doesn't even understand the magnitude of his actions.
"No, what's Important is that you've been lying to me from the moment we got here and then you put everyone here in danger, including yourself!" I hiss, shoving him backwards.
"Okay but we're all perfectly fine! Obviously no one followed you! Just listen to me."
"Why would I do that?! You are so hopelessly insane that you just have to create conspiracy theories wherever you go!" I spit.
"Yeah and you're so freaking deluded that you trust these new leaders, people you JUST met, more than you trust me!" He exclaims, matching my volume.
"I trust you both!"
"Then you're making a mistake!"
"Yes, clearly!" I scream.
"Don't say that." He says, shaking his head.
"Zim should have known better than to bring you here. I should have known better than to be doing any of this!" I say frustratedly.
"I am not the problem! You need to open your eyes! You're so desperate for the Tallests to accept you that you'll willingly allow them to torture and kill you! It's pathetic!" He shouts at me and I can just feel the rage building.
"No, your need to believe all these insane stories you make up in your head is pathetic!"
"It's not made up, you dumbass! I heard them with my own ears!"
"I'm not believing anything you say because you are crazy." I say quietly.
"Well I would rather be insane than be weak like you. Mentally and physically now that you're allowing them to actually murder you." He replies with this acidic tone and the words feel like that horrid rain from earth on my skin.
I push him with much more force and he goes toppling over but grabs my sleeve at the last second and brings me down with him. We crash into the floor near the couch and I shave him away from me but he snatches up my arm again before I can stand up.
"Would you listen to someone other than yourself for just a second! He asks as we struggle against each other.
"No, now get off of me!" I exclaim and when he doesn't let go, I rake a hand across his face, sending his glasses flying somewhere and he turns away but doesn't let me get up, managing to let go of my arm but quickly grab hold of my antenna and yank it down HARD. I turn my head and sink my teeth into his arm while he attempts to shake me off, flinging us both backwards. I still don't let up, even when the blood starts to burn my entire mouth.
"Zim, what the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouts, hitting my face repeatedly, knocking one of my ocular implants loose as we're both falling back to the floor. I land on my back with a yelp, as the serum has almost fully worn off by now. The screaming pain is now radiating through my back again but I finally release his arm and his other hand has both my antennas in a tight grip, pinning my head to the floor. Just as I'm about to kick him off of me, there's this blinding light and I don't see, hear or feel anything for a few seconds. Once it looks like the light has gone away, I blink my eyelids open and find that I'm on the floor beside the small table near the storage unit. When I look up, Dib is across the room, on the floor near the couch. He looks just as dazed as I'm feeling until we both look up near the exit door and see Minimoose. He says something but I don't catch it because all the pain I'm in is finally registering. I put my right eye implant back in and a moment later, Dib gets up and retrieves his glasses from near the exit, then goes into his room, shutting the door. When he goes, I notice the door next to his is open and GIR is just standing there, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, staring at me. I just sigh and look down at the floor beneath me.
"Well that was something." I hear from behind me and I don't even turn around. "What exactly were you trying to do?" Tallest Red asks. "I didn't think you could be anymore of a ship wreck than you were when he tried to talk with you on the ship but-"
"Go away." I hiss, glancing at the doorway again but both GIR and Minimoose have disappeared into their room again.
"He's probably bleeding out in there you know." He says matter of factly.
"No he isn't. It wasn't that bad."
"How would you know? You haven't checked. Face it, you're not good at being whatever it is you're trying to be to that human."
"That's not true. I'm protecting him." I insist, still not looking his way.
"Protecting him from what? The only thing that's hurt him so far is you." He replies and I finally turn around but he's gone. I take a deep breath and finally grab onto the table, pulling myself up. My back is sore, my head is throbbing, and my legs feel a bit like jelly as I hesitantly make my way over to the black door. I'm half expecting it to be locked but it isn't so I turn the knob and push it open slowly. Dib is laying on his back, staring out the window projections and he doesn't look my way when I enter the room. Not even when I'm standing right by the bed. He's making it a point to ignore me. For a moment I just take in the scene, feeling that all too familiar turning in my stomach at the damage that I just caused. His left arm is already swelling up but it's hard to tell past all the blood pooling together from each open wound. There are also several cuts across his right eye, starting over his eyebrow and running diagonally, stopping at the bridge of his nose.
It's not something Zim meant to do and I actually feel sick looking at it. I just want it all to go away. Why can't humans heal like Irkens? Sure my head hurts but I put my eye back in and I'm pretty much fine. Meanwhile… just like Tallest Red said…
I swallow hard before turning and going into the bathroom. He's only got one navy blue colored towel hanging on the back of the door but we can just have Skoodge bring him another eventually. I use a PAK leg to cut a couple of long strips away from it, then go further into the bathroom. After putting on a pair of rubber gloves, I retrieve a bucket from under the sink, running soapy water through it a couple of times before drying it with paper towels and then filling it with water. When I finally leave the bathroom again, he's sitting on the edge of the bed looking at me with an eyebrow raised. We stare at each other for a few seconds and the words are right on the tip of my tongue. They are so close. I want to say them but I don't know what is stopping me. He deserves an apology but it feels so weak coming from me. How could one apology make up for anything I've ever done? An apology now would be more of an insult. It would be like placing a small adhesive medical strip over his arm when it clearly needs more attention than that.
He sighs and looks down at his arm and I walk over, sitting on the left side of him. The silence is suffocating as I set the bucket down between us and drop one of the towel pieces into it, then try to carefully bring his arm to rest over the bucket. I can tell he's holding his breath as I start cleaning the blood away and I'm able to pick up on his increased heart rate in the silence of the room. An apology feels so trivial but silence feels even worse.
"I didn't mean to do that." I finally say to break the quiet. He doesn't reply and his arm tenses up as I continue rinsing the punctures. When I'm done, I grab another towel strip and start wrapping it around his arm, tearing a smaller square piece away from it before finishing the wrap by folding the excess underneath. He holds up his arm to observe my work and as he does, I wet the last small piece of fabric, setting the bucket of water onto the floor, then turn to face him. I remove his glasses and set them down on the bed, starting to wipe away the scratches over his eye. He flinches slightly but these cuts aren't as deep as the ones in his arm. They're far beyond simple scrapes but still, they're quicker to clean away. I hadn't noticed initially but his right eye is somewhat swollen so I hold the cold compress against it each time I wipe over it. Eventually I'm satisfied with my work there too and I drop the towel piece into the bucket on the floor, removing my gloves and hanging them off the side. We both just sit beside each other in silence for a few minutes and then he reaches around, grabbing his glasses and putting them on. Then he stands and takes the bucket back to the bathroom. Now that I'm alone again, I realize just how much the pain I'm in is trying to knock me out. Especially my back. Dib was right. It does feel as if Zim has been dipped into the frying oil. I'm about to get up and just go back to Tak's ship early when he comes back into the room.
"You said you could use another treatment?" He asks and when I look up he's wearing a pair of disposable gloves and holding the healing serum. I don't even have time to feel angry at remembering Skoodge brought it here to him. All I'm feeling is this flooding relief that he's talking to me and that he still wants to help me. I only get to revel in the feeling for a second when it's easily overrun by my turning stomach and insane need to vomit.
"No, I'll be fine." I reply, looking away from him.
"You've got time left for your break, right?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then stop being difficult." He says, walking over and pointing to the pillow. I finally huff out a breath and fall face first into the pillow. I wish I wasn't so exhausted. The sting from the treatment is even less bearable than the first time and I gather that's because of the fight. He's still just as gentle as he was the first time, if not moreso, and I just don't understand where all of this unconditional kindness is coming from. I'm gritting my teeth through the intense pain while simultaneously swallowing back the bile trying to rise up. When the radiating burn finally subsides to numbness and I feel him zip my uniform back up, I sit up. He disappears back into the bathroom for a moment and then comes back to sit next to me.
"How bad does your arm hurt?" I ask.
"Uh, pretty bad." He replies, giving a humorless laugh and palming the back of his neck.
"I don't even know why I did that, Zim wasn't thinking." I say back and he clicks his tongue.
"And here I thought you liked causing me pain." He says, knocking his shoulder against mine.
"I do!" I exclaim immediately. "I think I do. I mean, I did…" I sigh, looking down at the floor.
"Hey, hey, it's okay, you just… I need you to remember that I'm still human. We don't heal nearly as quickly as Irkens." He says and I look at him then. How can he be so calm right now? He searches my face until I have to look away again. Why must humans be so primitive in their healing capabilities?
"Of course." I say quietly. I swear I do enjoy torturing him. At least I always did. I think I still do. But I don't like this. This is making my stomach turn and I don't understand what is happening. The PAK analysis must be taking much more out of Zim than I had previously assumed. It's messing with my head. He drags me from my thoughts by threading his fingers through mine and pulling my hand onto his lap.
"Look. I wasn't thinking about the bug and what danger it could have put us all in. I was just- I didn't know what to do. I've never seen you in such bad shape before and I just wanted to hear something, anything. And while I'm sorry for doing that without talking to you about it first, you have to know what I heard the Tallests saying…" He says, continuing when I keep quiet. "They don't care how much they drain your energy. They're doing it on purpose because it'll be easier for them to dissolve you. They don't just want your DNA. You are the preventative solution. All of you."
"You misheard-"
"I didn't, Zim."
"Then you misunderstood. They've already told Zim that they will be sending me back to the academy for retraining once they have collected sufficient data and samples." I explain but he looks unconvinced.
"No. Listen to me very carefully. They're going to drain your energy beyond repair and then melt you down so they can use you as part of the preparation injection they give Irkens when they hatch. I heard it."
"Dib-Think, you are paranoid. I guarantee you simply misheard or your translator fell short. There are multiple Irken dialects, perhaps there's been confusion. The Tallests promised me a banishment reversal and a retraining and I need that."
"Why? Why do you need it?"
"I just do!" I snap and then take a deep breath. He wouldn't understand. If I could just do one thing right, one thing the Tallests ask of me, maybe it will mean that I'm not as broken as I've always thought I was.
His hand tightens in mine for a second and he looks around the room with a sigh.
"I know this is new for you. You're not used to it." He says, shifting so that his entire body is facing me. "But I care about you. A lot. And it's like you won't let me. But that isn't going to stop me because I… Well, I mean… I love you. And you don't have to say it back, you might not feel that way yet, maybe you never will but that's how I feel so I'm sorry if I overstepped with the bug but I just need to make sure you're okay. I need you to always be okay."
I shouldn't be as surprised as I am to hear him say that but I realize he's right. It's still so foreign to imagine that someone genuinely cares for Zim. But what's even scarier is that I think I'm realizing I might be feeling the same way. I might feel that way about him too and it should be easy to say that because he's already done it but I just can't. Do I deserve to? I start to look away from him again but his hand stops me, gently turning me back. He's laying all his thoughts out before Zim and I've never seen such genuine sincerity and vulnerability as I see behind his eyes right now. I've been so focused on taking care of him, I don't know how I didn't see that it's so important to him to care for me, too.
It's all clicking in this one moment. Everything we've been doing is all starting to make sense to Zim. We were friends even when I didn't want to admit it, and now this new dynamic we're trying just confirms it. He really does care for me. He really does love me. I've been alone all this time and I never expected it to be otherwise but neither did he. We were both alone in our own worlds until I found Earth and I found him. He left everything he's ever known behind just to fly off with me because he would miss me. And not just that, but because he likes taking care of me. I've never felt like I could have anyone else to depend on. Until now.
He draws me in closer and I don't hesitate to close the rest of the distance. His lips are warm and inviting and as many confusing emotions as Zim is feeling right now, I am not confused about this. I have no idea how much time I have left for my break, and I don't even care. For once in my life I'm not so preoccupied with pleasing the Tallests. I don't need them to praise or even acknowledge me. I'm happy right where I am. The only person that loves me, the only person who deserves me, is right here. As unplanned as it may be, I'm wondering if maybe all of my painstaking research is finally going to pay off.
His hand leaves my face settling on the back of my neck and I bring my own up to his chest. I can feel his heart beating harder against his rib cage, speeding up and the rhythm draws me in closer. Irkens don't have hearts so his has always been a point of fascination for Zim. I have no idea when or even if I'll be able to make a way so that it doesn't burn when we kiss but it burns too good anyway. His lips part and fire runs up my tongue as I slide it in, pushing against his chest. One of his hands lands on my lower back, away from the damaged skin but still as softly as he could probably possibly touch me. I push against his chest again, more forcefully and he finally gets the hint when I pull my knees up to the bed, over his legs. He leans back against the pillows and I follow, placing kisses across his jaw and down his neck, to his collarbones, then sitting up briefly to remove my gloves. I lean down to reconnect our lips, stopping a few inches away, taking in his flushed cheeks and quick breathing. I drag a hand up through his hair and use the other to hook a finger under his glasses, lifting them from his face and setting them aside and then lightly dragging a finger over his right eye. The intense heat I get from his returning gaze brings back all these other feelings I have yet to explore with him, that I don't even know if I'm ready to explore, but they never give me much of an option. This profound hunger that takes over at times like this. A craving to have him in a way I haven't before. To make him feel good, to succumb to me. His hands find my waist and I push down whatever turning in my stomach tries to arise. I stave off the nagging in the back of my mind for once, dragging my tongue up his neck, over his ear and getting drunk off the sound of the moan this elicits. He's warm against my body and that's when I notice my insides heating up as well, nothing I've ever felt before. He turns his head and captures my lips again with much more force, bringing a hand up to my head and running it along an antenna. It makes my breath hitch in my throat and I tighten my hold on his hair as his other hand holds my waist closer but it isn't close enough. I'm conscious of the fact that he's already in a great deal of pain but there are urges that are getting more difficult for me to ignore. I try to restrain myself as I bite down on his plump lower lip, an inferno tearing through me when his hips push up against me. Then my entire mind goes blank as he's curling my antenna around a finger and releasing it. This new feeling starts in my stomach, growing stronger and the second time he does it, it bubbles up my chest, travels through my throat, and before I know it, a sound- a feeling I've never experienced before, one I didn't even know existed for Irkens, falls from my lips which are still against his. But the sound startles me so much. I thought I was ready for this because of all my research but I'm realizing, Zim may know all about human anatomy and reproductive organs but what about me? I have no idea what to expect.
I'm snapped out of whatever trance I was just in and sit up quickly, slapping both hands over my mouth.
"What was-" he starts.
"Don't ask." I reply but it's muffled.
"...that?" He asks and I roll my eyes.
"I have no idea! That was your fault!"
"Fault? You say that like it's a bad thing-"
"What if it is!?" I reply, looking down at my hands and turning them over.
"Relax, it's okay-"
"Okay?! How would you know that? Have you been educated in Irken anatomy? Tell me all about it." I hiss and he props himself up on his elbows.
"I haven't but let's just take a moment here. You're still breathing, you're coherent, you're talking to me…" he lists and I'm just staring at him. Is he right? Was that harmless? "Unless that hurt, did something we were doing just now hurt you?" He asks and I look back to my hands, assessing everything. I feel pretty normal aside from my headache. And even that was pretty much forgotten a few moments ago.
"No…" I reply quietly. Then my PAK trills. Dib-Thing and I just stare at each other for a second, then I grab my gloves and climb off of him, walking over to the desk. When I extend my communicator it's connecting a transmission from Tak.
"You've got about one minute and I'm leaving without you." She says.
"Zim was already on my way. You calling me with your insufferable impatience is what's holding me up!" I growl and she rolls her eyes and just hangs up. I sigh as I put the communicator away and Dib is already standing by the door, hand on the knob, his eyes boring holes into me.
"Can you stay here? Can we just go back to earth?" He asks but I just stare in response until he sighs and hesitantly opens the door, holding it for me. I walk over to the table and pick up a few packets of candy and two cans of nectar, then make my way towards the door but freeze before my hand connects with the palm pad. I exhale slowly and turn around to face Dib, who is standing closer than Zim expected.
"You're… Expecting that eventually, aren't you?" I ask. His brows furrow a bit as he appears a bit confused.
"Huh?"
"The primitive mating? Intercourse? You are expecting it to be a part of this new relationship?" I clarify and this deep red color spreads across his face, his eyes widening.
"No, I'm not expecting that. It doesn't have to be part of this." He replies rapidly, shaking his head but his eyes are looking all over the room.
"But you want it to be." I say back. He looks at me then but quickly drops his gaze to the floor. I agreed to this, I wanted to try this with him. I still do, no matter what it means I have to learn about myself in the process. Zim will figure out how to be in this relationship with him. And I'll be good at it, too. "We will discuss this when I come back." I state, activating the sliding door and starting down all the long hallways again.