This is a fanfic based on the Cyanide and Happiness game: Freakpocalypse. It currently only has one chapter, so the rest will be innovated by your's truly, as the second chapter seems either dead in the water or in development in secrecy, as they haven't given any news to it.
The main OC is called Crepe. With this out of the way, let us pivot our heads to the fanfic:
I'd just finished it. I'd finished a personal modified hack of the game Cyanide and Happiness: Freakpocalypse to have four extra chapters and have an actual ending! I felt proud, even if I knew I couldn't market it to everyone in the world. I had to possibly get permission from the people that made the first part of the game, but I knew it'd be tough, since they almost never responded. Game developers came in two forms. Always listening, or never.
"Ugh... at least I managed to make four extra chapters and a definitive ending... so, we have Hall Pass of Pain is the first, then Post Nethergeddon, Feral Field Trip, Mutant Mayday, and Saving the Undeserving... man, that's quite a lot of content I made, even if I had to voice act all those damn lines on my own," I smiled with a shake of my head. "Anyways, all I have to do is save it onto my flashdrive and then I can share it with my friends... and maybe check with the devs if they could use it, so long as I get paid," I smiled widely. I then tried to export the data onto the flashdrive... and I gawked at how it was going fine, until it reached the final chapter... after that happened, a nasty set of circumstances began to happen.
First, a power outage across the entire apartment complex I was in! Then, as soon as that happened, my computer got fried from the cord being plugged into it! Then, a fire that came from the cord! THEN the sprinklers above my head went off! And finally, my own special potato clock short-circuited and fell onto my computer! And I, being an idiot, tried to stop it by catching the potato clock, which ended with me feeling like I were being electrocuted! And then, I gasped as I felt something WRONG happen! It felt like I were being folded up like an origami paper! And by the time it reached the fifth fold, I passed out from the pain!
... ... ...
"Wa... up... Wake... up... WAKE UP!" I heard a voice shout at me, which made me gasp awake, me looking all around me... and when I did, I gawked at what I was in. I wasn't in my bedroom! I was at a school! A school that I recognized instantly! It was the school from the Cyanide and Happiness game! And I then looked at who shouted at me and saw that it was Mister Murphy, the nastiest of the teachers at the school!
"WHOA!" I shouted in shock as I then gawked at how... I sounded like I had a teen's voice? Oh my god, I couldn't be, right?! I then looked at the closest thing I could see my reflection in, the window, and felt like this was the worst nightmare ever. I was in the body of Coop! The main character of the game! And I KNEW I couldn't say a word, or I'd risk everyone saying I was a weirdo! But regardless, my actions did make the other kids laugh at me as Mister Murphy then spoke.
"Can you tell me WHAT I was talking about, Cooper?" he asked, me then simply staying silent. "Well? Go on, tell me!" I still said nothing. I needed to think of the right thing to say, lest I get hurt. Bad. "SAY SOMETHING!"
"Something," I said. And when I said that? The kids actually didn't laugh at me. They actually were legit giggling at me saying that.
"Hehe, that's rare. A good joke from Coop? Heh," said the voice of Holly Pass, which I felt was a compliment, since she was a crazy bitch who roamed the halls with a shotgun.
"Ugh, never mind! As we all know, summer is right around the corner, and with it, the end of your school year! But before that, we're going to have you fill out your aptitude tests! They'll help to decide what fields you would be best in when you go looking for a job," Mister Murphy said, me smirking and saying something else.
"I assume teacher was not on your list?" I asked, which didn't make the kids giggle. It made at least five of them laugh like it were the best joke ever. Hell, even Chet guffawed at it.
"GAHAHAHA! BURN!" he laughed out loud.
"SILENCE!" the teacher shouted. "One more outburst from you, Cooper, and you're going to the office again! Got it!" he said, me nodding without a word. I needed to hold in my perfect one-liners, at least temporarily. "Ahem, when you fill out these tests, you'll hand them back to me and I'll put them in the systems at the computer. This is mandatory, so don't skimp on this, and DON'T fall asleep in class! That means you, Mister McCarthy!" Murphy sneered, me nodding and simply giving a thumbs-up instead of talking.
"Wimp," Chet smirked at me not saying anything more. And then Kent of course complained.
"I already took this test last year, do I have to take it again?" he asked, me frowning at him.
"Just because you were held back a year, it doesn't mean you get a free pass, Kent," Murphy frowned.
"Aw, but I'm the prom king, and I'm definitely going to win again! Please?" he asked with a smarmy charm.
"Hmm... you're right, you don't need to take it... and take that crown off when in class, would ya?" Kent then removed his big crown to reveal the little crown underneath, me seeing he was also elected as Prom prince when he was in middle school... and then underneath that crown was one made of cardboard that was for Prom Baby when he was in grade school! But I wasn't impressed. I simply filled out the application as best as I could, being completely honest about myself and my OWN preferences, aside from name and gender... if I was in a boy's body and there was absolutely no way home, I had to commit or die trying, much as I hated it. And I did manage to finish the test within ten minutes, as it was a double-sided one and the answers were very easy to answer. With them being a series of 'yes or no' answers that asked things as. "Are you good at pyshical labor?", "Do you have hobbies? If so, specify", and "Can you cook?". But once I finished the test and raised my hand, the teacher gave me a scowl.
"What is it now, Cooper?" he asked.
"I uh, finished the test," I said.
"Wow, nice one Coop, I bet you cheated off of Kent!" Chet said, me frowning at him and looking all the way over to the prom king.
"Uh, first off, he didn't fill out a single answer. Second, he's not doing the test. And third, I'm literally as far away from him as possible when it comes to seating, so HOW could I cheat off of mister popular again? Are you that dense?" I asked, which made the class gawk at me speaking that.
"Ooooooh!" Holly actually gawked at me.
"What'd ya call me, punk?!" Chet asked angrily.
"I called you dense. But I don't expect you to understand what that word means, since you look like you average out a C- at the most," I said.
"OOOH! SNAP!" Holly gawked.
"And that's what your neck's gonna be like when I'm done with ya!" Chet shouted at me.
"Threatening to kill a student? There are rules about that, y'know?" I said, him growling at me.
"THAT'S IT! Chet and Cooper! Go to the Principal right this minute!" Mister Murphy shouted, which made Chet gawk.
"WHA?! ME?! Go to the principal?! I don't deserve that!" Chet shouted.
"You just threatened to kill me, and everyone in here is a witness. At least, everyone that has a brain," I frowned.
"OOOOOOH! Look at Coop, here, getting ALL the burns!" Holly gawked.
"And who, might I ask, has no brain in here?" Kent asked with a smug smile.
"The one who has four crowns on his head, with the final one covering an empty skull," I said, which made another one in the class gawk.
"WHOA! He's a savage today! Where was this Coop all school year?!" asked the voice of Sawyer, which I sighed at as I left the room with Chet being in the front of the pack.
"In a different world, slaying dragons," I said to her, which made the class more confused than most, but I hope I gave a hint to Sawyer regardless. After that, Chet and I went to the office, with the big and burly football player looking ready to pummel me at any instant, so I decided to stay as far away from his hulking mass as humanly possible as we went to the office and, upon doing so, we then went to speak to Principal McNally, who looked at Chet in surprise.
"Chet? What are you doing in the office, mister? And with Cooper, no less?" he asked.
"I didn't do nothin'! I-" he was about to finish before I did for him.
"He threatened to snap my neck in class because I was keeping it real, telling it like it was," I said with a smug face.
"THAT'S IT! IF I see you again, out in the streets or in this school, I'm GONNA MURDER YOU!" he shouted, which McNally then spoke up.
"CHET! I heard that right here, mister!" he shouted. "Threatening violence is one thing, but murder?! You are officially NOT invited to the amazing field trip that's happening tomorrow, understand?!"
"W-What?!" Chet gawked, unable to process what he said.
"You heard me! Consider this a stain on your permanent record! DISMISSED!" McNally shouted, which Chet then gawked before then slumping out of the room, leaving me alone with the principal. "Now, what are you in here for, Coop?" he asked.
"As I said, I was telling it to Chet like it was, calling him dense and that he wouldn't understand it, since he was a C- at most for his report card... and Mister Murphy said I was disrupting class, so, yeah. It's not like it mattered anyway, since it was just an aptitude test. A useless piece of paper," I frowned.
"Ah, I see... well, you did disrupt class, even if you did make some good jokes, so it's definitely going on your permanent record," he said as he pulled it out of the file cabinet (it was under 0 instead of C, which was a massive insult) and I then frowned at how the listing of different things on it was almost all negative.
"Wow! Look at how bad this record is! I'm afraid that a record like this will most certainly not be going on..." he was about to finish before getting a phone call. "What is this? A distracting phone call?!" he asked as he then answered it. "Hello? This had better be important... what's that? You need me to fill in for cheer captain? I'm uh, with a student now... really? And how much more will it be? Okay, I'm going right away," he said before then hanging up. "I need to do something really quick here, mister Cooper. I'm just going to leave you here in my office for the time being, so don't do anything stupid," he said, me smirking at him and not saying a word until he was out of the office and in the hallway.
"Not as stupid as leaving the permanent record here right in front of me... okay, time to do some editing," I smiled as I then found the whiteout on the counter and proceeded to dab it on all the negative stuff on the permanent record, leaving only the positive items. Oh, and it was just as white as the paper that it was printed on, so that was an extra! I then proceeded to leave it right where I found it, but not before pocketing the rest of the whiteout for future use.
"And thus, the day is saved. Now I can get the permission slip for the field trip... and if it's like the game, it should be in my locker... I really need to stop talking out loud," I frowned as I then left the office and proceeded to go to my locker, where I saw that Chet was making out with the prom queen in Britannii, and that Holly Pass was nearby and looked at me with a frown.
"Hey, Coop! Come here," she said, me then following her and waiting for what she had to say. "That stuff you said in Murphy's class? Bad. Ass. I've been meaning to get Chet in trouble since day one, and you actually go and do it! Listen, if you get me dirt on Chet, Britannii, AND Kent, I can make it so that you can roam these halls freely every single day! But until then, here," she said, giving me a fake hall pass for FREE! "This never happened, got it? That hall pass is good for today only. Only when you get the dirt will I give you a forever Holly pass, got it?" she smirked.
"You got it, Holly. Those jerks have had it coming for years," I smiled.
"Great, now if you don't mind... DUTY CALLS! IN THESE HALLS!" Holly shouted as she then pulled out her shotgun that she hid in her backpack, me gulping at that.
"Listen, punk! You better not think of doing that, or I'm grinding your balls in my thighs, got it?" Chet growled at me.
"Wow, gay," I said, him then gawking before Britannii then stopped kissing him.
"Don't think about anything you'll regret, Chet. You already got in trouble once, he may get us in trouble again," she said.
"Fine, let's continue this somewhere more private," Chet said with a smile, them then moving to the auditorium, where I heard the jabs and japes at the duo, me smiling at that. I then went into Mister Murphy's class and saw the sight of him in his BDSM outfit, me frowning at him and simply going to his desk to find a pencil. A Number 2 Pencil.
"Hey, mind if I borrow this pencil?" I asked him, Murphy moaning in his gag after. "Thanks, I'll stick it up your ass later," I said, him then moaning angrier. "Well maybe you should've thought about that before binding yourself up in that gear. At school. Who's the real loser here, Muffle?" I asked.
"MMMMGGG! ! GRREEEGGMMMM!" he growl-moaned at me, which I smiled at him after.
"I thought so. See ya later, bondage teacher," I smiled as I then left the room and went to my locker and proceeded to open it with the pencil, it being easier to do so, as my locker didn't have a padlock, but it was jammed shut... and had my face imprint in it from the past. I then got the permission slip from within and put it in my bag. "Good, now to get to something else," I said before then getting stopped by someone else.
"Psst, Coop. Over here," I heard Sawer say, me then looking at her and nodding.
"Yes, Sawyer?" I asked her.
"There's something... very different about you. Can you and me talk in private someplace?" she asked, me nodding as I led her to the janitor's closet, which I proceeded to pick the lock with the pencil, which I did so effortlessly, as I used to be great at lockpicking when I was in school. "Since when can you pick locks?" she asked as I locked us in the janitor closet and sighed.
"Okay, what I'm going to say to you may rock your world... nobody must know, and I do mean that. No. Body. Got it, Sawyer?" I asked, her nodding at me.
"Tell me, what's going on?" she asked.
"It goes like this... I was finishing a video game that hadn't been finished by its own developers, and only for fun. And as I'm trying to upload it to my flashdrive, a series of events result in me being sent through the computer and into the shoes of the main character in the game. And it happened as soon as Cooper McCarthy woke up from his dream," I said, which made Sawyer gawk at me.
"You... you sound serious... this has to be the work of those no-good government types! Tell me, was the game EVER finished?" she asked.
"The original game's first part was uploaded in March of 2021. And before I was sent to this world, the community had gone dead and hadn't uploaded anything since July of 2023. And the time I was sent here was December 2nd of that year. Only part one existed, and I added four more parts. But who knows if it will actually follow the events I set in place?" I asked, the newsgirl frowning at me.
"Tell me something. Do you and I survive in the end?"
"Yes, we both do. But as I said, only if it goes as by the book as it can... for now, I'm going to ask if I could assist in hanging up the flyers around the school? That way, we can spread awareness to the ones around this school with brains," I smiled.
"Ah, gotcha, you can do that. Here, this is the flashdrive, Coop... or... should I call you that?" she asked, me sighing at that.
"In private, you can call me Crepe as a nickname, because that was my nickname when I was in my previous life... wouldn't do well to call me Tina Cheerio in this world, would it?" I asked, which earned a giggle from my new friend and ally of war.
"Sorry, sorry for laughing... ahem... yes, I'll call you Crepe in private. Just promise me that you'll stay out of trouble, got it? Those pricks in the class are surely going to get you on their hit list now, especially Chet," she said, me nodding at that.
"I only did that because it was the most infuriating part of the first part, getting dogpiled by the two biggest assholes in the school and the teacher siding with them when it was SUPER obvious that the main character did nothing whatsoever... oh, by the way, don't go into Murphy's room as of now. It's his private time in there, and I walked in on the wrong scene," I said, Sawyer nodding.
"He's a creep. He tried to rope me into that, I threatened him that if he did that with ANY student, that I'd break all his bones and feed him to my grandma's pigs after putting him in the meat grinder. He left me alone after that and after two black eyes," she smiled.
"Until then, I'll get the flashdrive and get the flyers made for you, okay?" I smiled at her.
"Yeah... so, I'll see you later then, okay, Crepe?" she smirked.
"Yep. Oh, by the way, Holly told me if I get dirt on Kent, Chet, and Britannii, that I could roam the halls freely forever. But I need solid evidence. When school lets out, scope out around my house. Be ready to get on the bullies' bad sides and bring recording equipment if possible," I said, her nodding at that.
"I am in!" I then proceeded to unlock the closet, but not before pocketing the pulley in the closet. I then exited the room and went to the office's waiting room, where I saw Starsky and Hutch were looking at each other in annoyance at the bench, me deciding that I'd play the mediator and help them out.
"Hey, rough day or something?" I asked.
"Shut up, Coop! I didn't ask you!" Starsky complained.
"That was what I was going to say! You stole my line!" Hutch growled at his partner, me then frowning and speaking the line at them.
"You both obviously hate each other, why even bother?"
"I don't hate him! I'm just angry at him!" Hutch said angrily.
"You... don't hate me, Hutch? I uh, I don't hate you either," Starsky gawked.
"I... I'm sorry, Starsky! I'll never take you for granted again!" Hutch said with a smile with tears in his eyes.
"Come over here, ya big lug!" Starsky smiled as both of them started to smooch, me then seeing the receptionist getting distracted long enough for me to go to the printer and, easily, got the flashdrive into the system... and for some reason, it worked for me on the first try. I then printed out three different flyers, which I then took them as well as pocketing the flashdrive once again. "Okay, time to hang some flyers... but before that, could I ask why you guys were so mad at each other?" I asked, which Hutch spoke after.
"I thought he hated me for leaving the seat up," Starsky said.
"And I thought he hated me for accidentally sitting on his lunch," Hutch said.
"You didn't do that, it was Chet's fault," Starsky smiled at Hutch.
"Fuck him, then. Let's keep smooching!" After that, I simply let them be and went to getting the flyers posted... but I did decide to do one more thing, since I had a feeling I'd need to in the future. But in order to do so, I had to make sure nobody saw me... and after making absolutely sure nobody was looking, I snuck into the girl's bathroom.