I am so sorry for the late update on this. I have been working two other stories actively on top of this one along with my other ones I have started. I had this one started but I was working my way through how i wanted to close the Season 3 chapter before moving into season 4... Good news there will be season 4 chapters and i already have plans for the later chapters.
I promise i will try and update this story as often as i can.
As have been all my works and previous chapters... all errors are my own because i am only human and i am bound to make them.
It wasn't hard for me to figure out where I was when I finally started coming out of the fog I was in. I didn't have to open my eyes to find out. The antiseptic smell, the beeping to my right, the oxygen gusts forced through my nose, the dull ache on the top of my left hand. I hated hospitals and yet, this is the second time I've woken up in one in the last year. I had managed for five years to stay away from them and now, it's like I couldn't stay away.
I lay with my eyes closed listening to the steady beat of the heart monitor for a few minutes before gathering enough energy to pry my eyelids open. At first everything was blurry. I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, but my eyes felt heavy. Taking a moment to blink away the sleep I studied the room. It was the same as before. Small room, white walls. The curtains were drawn, and a small bit of light was splintering through the room from the small gap between the two pieces of fabric.
Slowly I turned my head to the left to find the visitors chair, normally pressed up against the corner of the room, right next to the bed, and Steve Harrington slouched in it. He was far enough down the chair that his head rested on the back of it, but the scowl on his face indicated how truly uncomfortable he was. While I took in his exhausted figure, I saw the dark bruising around his eye had started to fade and his lip that was split open from his beating from the Russians was scabbed over.
Turning back to stare at the ceiling, I thought back to my last lucid memory. Flashes of the mall came to my mind, the monster, El, the fireworks... Billy. At the thought of the guy, I had hated no more than a year ago, images of him stepping in front of El and me, of him holding off the monster. His body getting pierced and impaled by the beast's arms... The monitor to my right made a beep out of rhythm for a second as I let a small sob escape my chest. Closing my eyes, I felt a tear roll from the corner of my eye down my cheek to my ear, as I tried to breathe through the sadness in my chest and keep from breaking down completely.
"Roni?" My name was quiet and strained but when I opened my eyes Steve was no longer sitting in the chair. He was standing leaning over the bed, his eyes searching mine, concern etched in his. Now that I saw him awake, saw him looking at me, he looked tired, the bags under his eyes were stark against his skin and the bruises.
"Hey." I whispered. My voice was raw and scratchy and as I swallowed, I realized how dry my mouth was. But despite how terrible I sounded, he still smiled. Relief evident on his face and as he smiled and leaned over the bed placing a gently, tender kiss on my chapped lips I smiled too.
"You scared the shit out of me Roni." he breathed out one of his hands touching the side of my face softly as he took a deep breath before pulling back. I watched as he backed away only a few inches and I tried to adjust myself up only to wince and groan as something pulled at side making my chest tighten. "Easy..."
"How bad?" I asked after I was able to breathe again. Opening my eyes, I watched as he sat back down in the chair and ran a hand through his hair.
"Two ribs broken, another three bruised. Wrist was fractured along with the bone in your forearm. You have about 8 stitches in your forehead, another five above your eye, and a pretty bad concussion...you've been out for a week." he explained, and as he detailed each injury, I started to feel them. My head ached, there was a pressure on my chest that made taking a deep breath difficult, and looking down at my hand without the IV it was covered in a cast. "I'm gonna get the doctor." he finally said, as if sensing the ever-increasing pain, I was feeling.
It didn't take long for several doctors and nurses to rush in and start looking over my vitals and asking me questions. They all seemed to be standard, what do I remember, how do I feel, can I remember my name, birthdate... etc. By the time they left, I was exhausted again and itching to get out of the hospital. If nothing else, having the doctors crowd around me reminded me all too well why I hated hospitals.
The room emptied and Steve and I fell into silence again, I mentally prepared myself for the set of questions I had, but before I could ask any of them the door opened again. I closed my eyes and took in a sharp annoyed breath trying to bite back the groan of more doctors or more tests.
"They told me you were awake; thought I would see for myself." The person at the door said, his voice filled with relief. Lifting my head from my pillow, I opened my eyes and stared at Sam Owens standing in the doorway, a smile across his face. Scowling I looked from him to Steve, back to him, trying to wrap my head around why he was here. The last time I saw Doctor Owens was... was the last time I was lying in a hospital bed. I was getting serious déjà vu staring at him.
"Jim and Joyce called him before getting to the mall." Steve explained, I heard a head of something... regret... pain... I couldn't place it as he spoke, but I pushed it aside to watch Sam walk towards me pulling the clipboard from the base of the bed up and looking at it.
"We suspected that there was something going on in Hawkins again and when Jim called, we were already on our way." Sam spoke flipping through the pages on the chart nodding to himself.
"What happened?" I finally asked holding my ribs as I spoke, trying to keep from grimacing against the dull ache in my chest as I spoke. "To the Mind Flayer... the mall?"
"We disposed of the monster and the mall..."
"There was a 'fire'." Steve said sitting forward on the chair. "No more Starcourt Mall."
"No more sailor suit?" I turned to Steve and gave him a small smile. I was relieved to hear him give me a small chuckle and see his cheeks blush slightly as he shook his head.
"Thank god... that uniform seriously affected my game." he said lightly.
"What game." I rolled my eyes letting out a laugh and quickly regretting it as my chest tightened and I clenched my eyes shut and jaw closed trying to breathe through it. I felt a set of hands on my back lifting me up slightly, easing the pressure on my lungs. "Shit this suck." I finally said blinking back the water that had built up in my eyes. Turning, Steve was beside me with a concerned and stressed expression on his face again. "I'm good." I sighed. The room fell again into silence, and I could sense there was more that needed to be said, but both men were hesitating.
"You might as well just tell me." I said and they both looked at me confused. "There is an elephant in the room bigger than the one that is sitting on my chest right now...you two obviously know something and are trying to figure out if I should know or not."
"We can talk about it after you've rested a bit more." Dr. Owens deflected and I groaned.
"What kind of rest do you think I'm gonna get?" I challenged, "Is it Billy?"
"Roni, Billy... he..." Steve cleared his throat as he spoke looking down at his feet.
"I already know he's dead." I sighed giving both men a sad smile. "So, if that's what's got you both stressed out..." but I paused when Steve looked up at me his lips pursed together. Whatever it was, it wasn't about Billy. "Who?"
"Knock, knock." There was a quiet voice from the door, and through the tension in the air I looked up and saw Joyce smiling in the doorway. But her smile, it didn't reach her eyes. "Look who's awake. Welcome back sweetie." All I could do was stare at her and the two men in my room. My sluggish brain filtered back to our conversation and when they had told me about the mall, how Steve's face fell and changed as he spoke. "Sweetheart?" Joyce asked concerned as I continued to stare at them, my eyes filling with unshed tears.
"Jim..." I said my voice cracking. The moment his name left my mouth the air in the room changed. Steve looked back down at the floor, Sam had his hands stuffed in his pocket, but he wouldn't meet my eyes, and Joyce's own filled and spilled tears, as she moved towards me. I knew instantly what it meant. The moment I had said goodbye to him at the mall, I knew it was a possibility... for both of us, only I made it out. Taking my eyes away from Joyce, I nodded my head and looked at the ceiling trying to blink away the tears, willing them not to fall. "Okay... yeah..." I cleared my throat.
"Oh honey, he closed the gate, he wanted to keep you girls safe." Joyce said and I felt the bed dip at my and a hand squeeze my ankle in comfort.
"Yeah..." I nodded taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I know. At least he went out a hero...look, I'm tired and just..."
"Sure, thing honey, I'll come back in a few hours with El." Joyce was quick to catch on. I didn't want anyone around. Dr. Owens was the next to leave, saying he was taking care of any files with my information and El's and that he would be in touch. That left Steve and I still sitting in a room full of silence.
"Roni..." he started.
"Can you go?" I interrupted him and turned to see his expression change to confused and hurt and I had to quickly look away and back at the blanket covering my legs. "Look, just... go home and take a shower, see Robin, just... you don't need to be here, I'm okay. Really. You don't need to stay."
"Roni." He stood up and moved towards the bed and I finally turned back to him, tears filling my eyes again.
"Please Steve." My voice cracked as I pleaded with him, and his expression softened. "Please just go. Go home or see Robin... you don't need to sit here and watch me process everything. Please." I could see him struggle, I could see him want to argue, but in the end, he nodded slowly leaning forward and kissed the top of my head gently lingering there for a few seconds before standing up. He grabbed his sweatshirt from the back of the chair and walked towards the door. Turning back to look at me I met his eyes and gave him a smile hoping it showed that I wasn't about to break down. I watched him sigh and leave the room. The moment the door shut the tears that had been burning behind my eyes started rolling down my cheeks.
Exhaustion took over shortly after, but sleep wasn't easy. I was uncomfortable, and every time I closed my eyes I imagined Jim's death, or rewatched Billy die. As tired as my body was, my mind wouldn't shut off. I could have called a nurse for meds to help sleep, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to relive the attack, didn't want to dream about a time when everyone was alive and be disappointed when I woke up.
I wasn't sure how long it had been since I kicked everyone out, but the light outside had started to dim. I had shifted through the limited channels on the TV five times, but I couldn't focus. The door slowly opened, and I turned to see Steve standing at the door, and I couldn't help but smile to myself.
"Did you even go home?" I asked quietly, eyeing him up and down. His clothes were the same as earlier and his hair looked just as unruly.
"Cafeteria." he shrugged, placing his sweatshirt on the back of the chair. "Called Robin, she's been asking about you. Talked to Dr. Owens... you really think I was going to leave?"
"It was worth a shot." I sighed.
"How you feeling?" he asked, moving so he could sit on the edge of the bed. I looked up at him and he lifted his eyebrow daring me to lie to him causing me to roll my eyes and smile. "Did you get any sleep?"
"Tried..." I answered, "I just... I don't know how to feel or react." I watched as he kicked his shoes off and slid onto the bed making me scowl at him amused. "What are you doing?"
"That chair is extremely uncomfortable." he shrugged. As gentle as he could, he situated himself, so my head was lying on his shoulder and as I closed my eyes and embraced the comfort and warmth, I felt coming from him. "What are you thinking about?"
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes but kept them focused across the room. "If I could have made a difference." I finally answered.
"Jim..." he finally asked, and the mention of my caretaker had my emotions choking me again.
"Yeah." My voice cracked and I swallowed the lump in my throat, a tear sliding down my cheek. "If I had gone down..."
"El would be dead... or controlled by that thing. There's a chance the others wouldn't have made it out..." Steve spoke softly, his hand rubbing my arm slowly in a comforting manner. "You can ask 'what if' all day long, but if you had gone down there Roni... I'm not sure you would have made it back up here, you or Jim."
I didn't know how to respond to that. I knew he was right; I played the same head games with myself with Barb and Bob dying nearly a year ago. Replaying everything over and over, seeing if I could have made a difference. No matter how you spun the story someone was going to get hurt in it. Steve let me cry softly into his shoulder until I finally fell into a dreamless sleep. After that day, Steve, Robin, Joyce and El were constants in my day, visiting and keeping me company while I chomped at the bit to get out of the hospital.
Finally, after a week I was able to convince the doctors to let me leave, so I could go to Jim's funeral. I wasn't overly eager to go to the funeral... but if it meant leaving the confines of the small room, I had been I was okay with it. They reluctantly let me leave with instructions to come back in a few days to have my stitches removed and check on how my ribs and arm were healing.
Staying with the Byers was chaotic. Joyce had decided that it was time to move on and put her house up for sale soon after the new story of the mall fire died down. She had enough saved up to get a decent home in California and as much as it pained her to leave the home she raised her kids, starting over felt like a weight being lifted. Without hesitation she had taken El under her wing and slowly I started to see the smile come back to her face. There were times while we were sitting around the dinner table that she would get these far off looks. I had caught her in the back yard with a can trying to move it, like she had so many times in the lab. On occasion she would come out to the couch I was sleeping on and sit with me quietly.
When Joyce had made the decision to move the extended the offer to El and I. I watched as Joyce talked about the home she had found, how El and I could have our own rooms, how it was warm, there were beaches... and I had to admit it was appealing, but the closer it got, and the more excited El got the more I realized the decision I was going to have to make.
"You sure about this?" Steve asked pulling up to the Byers home, a realtor sign with big bold SOLD letters on it, in the front yard. We had finally had our conversation after the fire, and the funeral, and I learned pretty quickly he wasn't going to be scared off. Too much time had been had, trying to figure out what the other wanted, I was happy with him around and he was around a lot more now.
"No." I said with a sigh. Two months... it had been two months since the mall. My body had healed, and slowly I was feeling like myself again. Steve and his parents were at odds with each other since his loss of job when the mall burnt down, and the lack of jobs he had acquired since then. He stayed at my place more and more and Robin came by just as much. I didn't mind the company; it was comforting to be honest. When they weren't there, I found my mind wander back to that night, and then imagining Jim's death... most recently, I was agonizing over the conversation I was about to have.
"I can come in with you..." Steve offered squeezing my hand.
"Aren't you and Robin job searching this afternoon?"
"Yeah, but..."
"I'll be fine." I gave him a weary smile before leaning over and giving him a light kiss. "I'll see you later." I didn't wait for him to argue, I opened the door and got out of his car looking towards the house in front of me. I made my way up the porch and opened the door slowly. Boxes were stacked around the living room. The walls were bare, and cleared of all pictures, lights, shelves... nothing resembled the house I had stayed at so many times in the past.
"Veronica." Joyce came around the corner surprised to see me. She smiled at me as she pulled me into her arms in a warm hug and I embraced the feeling squeezing her back. "You're early."
"Uh... Steve dropped me off, him and Robin are job hunting." I nodded stepping back. "Hope you don't mind; thought I could help you pack things up."
"You know you're always welcome." she stated, and I felt my stomach flip at the thought of the conversation I was about to have.
"Actually... I was hoping I could talk to you and El..." I said taking a deep breath. Joyce's face contorted into a frown and her smile faded. Her hand was still on my arm as she looked at me and our eyes met. She searched for any hint of what I was about to say, but nodded and gave me a small smile again before leading me into the kitchen.
"Of course." she said calling El. The girl came out, her hair pulled back wearing one of Jim's old plaid button-down shirts. Her face lit up the moment she saw me and stepped quickly towards me wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Veronica, I picked out a color for our room." El started as we walked towards the dining room table. "I was always in a white room, so were you. I like yellow, or pink..." I listened as she spoke and slowly felt my heart drop. Looking up as I sat, I could see Joyce scowl as she noticed my expression, and something told me she knew what I was about to say.
"El listen." I sighed, turning to look at her, her bright eyes met mine and I felt a sharp pain in my chest before I spoke. "I... I don't think I'm going with you." As I said the words I had rehearsed, I watched the girl I had been trying to protect for years stare at me puzzled.
"What are you talking about, Joyce said you could come too..."
"I know she did, but..."
"We are supposed to stay together." El continued to interrupt me and I had to take a deep breath and close my eyes looking away from the hurt expression of the girl next to me. "We are sisters."
"We will still be sisters." I said quickly looking up. "I'm doing this for you... for me, I know it doesn't seem like it but this is for the best."
"How!" El raised her voice and if she still had her powers I was sure the light above us would have burst.
"Sweetheart," Joyce finally spoke up and El looked at her, her expression calming slightly. "We need to listen, I would like to hear what she has to say."
"This... this wasn't easy," I started turning to Joyce and she gave me a small encouraging smile. "When you first told us we could go with, told me you wanted to take El... the thought of starting over, fresh... away from all the crap that's happened felt..." I had to pause as I felt the sting of tears in the back of my eyes as I watched an understanding wash over Joyce's face, like she knew everything already. "El, you... you need to be a kid, be free. Free from Brenner, free from Hawkins lab, from the upside down... from me."
"I don't... I don't understand." El's voice cracked as she scowled at me.
"We were trained to be together... I was trained to protect you..."
"So come with..." it sounded like begging, and it broke me further as I blinked, and a tear rolled down my cheeks.
"You... you need to be a kid, need to learn how to be one, without powers, without end of the world, without monsters, and I... I need to learn to let go. My whole life I have tried to live up to this ideal of protecting you, and doing my job, what I was made for, never being enough." I took another deep breath and swallowed hard. "I don't think either of us can move on together El... we need to figure out how to be... without being what the Lab wanted us to be." El's hard gaze softened, and tears spilled down her eyes as she nodded reluctantly. Without another word she stood and quickly ran to the back of the house. Cursing at myself, I let my head drop in my hands before running my fingers through my hair. After a few moments of composing myself, I finally looked up. Joyce was still sitting on the other side of me, tears in her eyes.
"Joyce... I swear, this has nothing to do with you, I just... I can't help her; I realize that now and you deserve to be happy all of you..."
"Roni," She interrupted calmly reaching out, placing her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "so do you honey."
"I'm... I'm trying to finally accept that." I let out a sort of laugh and sob. "But I need to come to terms with everything here before I can leave... if I leave..."
"I understand." she said, and my eyes widened slightly in surprise. She didn't look upset or mad, didn't look disappointed... she looked understanding with a smile on her face. "You are always welcome in my home, but I understand... Jim he..." her voice broke slightly at his name leaving her mouth. "He only ever wanted you girls to be happy, and living your own life, not living someone else's idea of one."
"I just need to figure myself out... without El and she... she needs to figure out how to be normal... I can't give her that." I said softly. El still seemed upset with me but over the next month slowly accepted the reality of moving on without me, and as hard as I thought that conversation was it was nothing compared to standing outside the Byers home and saying goodbye.
With promises to write and stay in contact I was left standing with the others as the truck and Jonathan's car pulled away from the home. I watched as a piece of who I was, who I had been at the lab for so long drove away. We had been fighting for our lives for so long, fighting forces we weren't aware of that this was new territory neither of us knew what to expect or how to navigate.
Sorry if this seemed kind of jumbled.
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