When I wake up, it's dark out and I have no idea what time it is. I slip the blue dress back on, not bothering to look for any other clothes and slip out of the compartment. It's easier to walk through the cars than I thought. If it wasn't for the scenery passing by outside I wouldn't even think we were moving.
I swipe a pencil and notepad from one of the desks next to the seat pressed alongside the back of the very last car. The window stretches across almost the entire length. I think we're passing through ten now, the luscious green farmland perfect for the cows and other livestock to grow before almost all of it is exported to the Capitol.
I start to sketch the cows roaming the grass on the little notepad. I've never seen any in person, so despite the circumstances I can't help but still be excited. I only wish my little sister could be here to experience it with me. She loves animals.
A loud thump brings me out of my thoughts. Mr. Abernathy is leaning against the doorway, using his hands to hold himself up. He staggers towards me and I'm not sure if he's aware I'm here. He collapses on the opposite side of the seat, facing away from the window.
He leans his head back on the glass and closes his eyes. I go back to my drawing, adding the finishing touches to the sky. I tear the page out, holding it out for him to take.
"Will you give this to her?"
He turns his head, opening his eyes. He takes one look at the drawing and closes them again. "You give it to her yourself."
"I'm serious. I want her to have it."
"So am I."
"You don't have to be so difficult, Mr. Abernathy." I fold the drawing and place it into my pocket.
"Neither do you. And it's Haymitch."
I raise a brow and he finally sits up, rubbing his bleary eyes.
"You should call me Haymitch. I think you've earned it."
Yeah. By being ripped away from everyone and everything I love. Seems like a lousy consolation prize.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here?" A very sleepy looking Sawyer stands in the doorway. He's in different clothes than the ones he came in, and is now in a simple shirt and loose fitting pants, slippers on his feet.
"Don't worry about it, boy." Haymitch stands up. "I'm gonna go see if this thing will go any faster." He pushes himself up with a groan and Sawyer moves out of his way to let him pass. I keep my face impassive as he comes to sit next to me.
"Couldn't sleep either?" He asks, looking out into the fields that seemed to get smaller with distance.
I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. What is appropriate when you might have to kill each other in the near future. So instead, I offer one last piece of camaraderie. The last thing I can offer before it's truly every man for themselves.
I pull out the package of cookies Grandpa gave me. They're a little crushed but in a lot better shape than I expected. I hand him one and he wordlessly takes it. Maybe being put into a life or death situation has taken some of the fight out of him. Or maybe he's just so tired he won't bother trying to deny it.
"My grandpa gave me this when he came to say goodbye. It's not nearly as luxurious as what they gave us earlier but it tastes like home," I tell him, taking a bite into mine. And in some way, it's better than the Capitol created foods. So much better.
Sawyer takes a bite and smiles, looking at the frosted pattern on the front. I like that I'm able to give him this last piece of our home.
"It's good," he comments, taking another bite.
We both sit in silence, eating our treat. I brush the crumbs off my lap when I'm finished.
"Did your family come and say goodbye?" I ask once he's finished. I tell myself the question is purely out of curiosity.
He looks down, gripping the end of his shirt. "My brothers and sister couldn't make it. Mom said they were too busy and had to get home. I think they kind of resent me a bit for being an extra mouth to feed. Took away more from them growing up. Ma and Dad did but I think they were a little relieved. I mean they were sad, sure. But I could see the guilt in their eyes. They were relieved I wouldn't burden them anymore. How messed up is that?" He shakes his head.
In a way, it makes sense. A lot of siblings in district twelve could grow to resent each other because of the lack of resources and food. They might blame each other for not having enough food, clothes, and their parents having to work longer hours. It was part of the reason why nobody ever volunteered in our district. Because as much as you might love your family, love is a privilege when you're struggling to survive.
"They don't expect me to come back," Sawyer says. I would expect some sadness in his voice, but there's just an air of finality.
"Maybe you'll prove them wrong," I comment.
He lifts one side of mouth, turning to look at me. The sun starting to rise on the horizon bounces off of his eyes, making them look almost transparent. "Wouldn't that be something."
We're all gathered back in the dining room for breakfast. Etheria is looking at the food like it might bite her back. She must have learned her lesson after yesterday.
I take a seat next to Sawyer who has a white mug in front of him. He lifts the pot int front of him, pouring the same dark brown liquid into my cup. I look over at him for an explanation.
"Effie said it's hot chocolate," he grins. "Try it. I think you'll like it." He dips a small piece of bread into it before placing it in his mouth.
I copy him and sniff my piece of bread first. It smells just like the cocoa powder that Dad sometimes uses on his more expensive cakes. I try the hot chocolate dipped bread and have to bite back a moan as the flavor bursts across my tongue. I see Sawyer watching me from the corner of my eye with a smile and feel myself blush. I keep my eyes focused on my hot chocolate.
Haymitch comes in just as the television on the wall starts playing the recaps of the reapings in each district. He looks worse than normal which means he must not be as drunk. He sits there with his head in his hands as we all watch which kids we'll be up against this year. Obviously, our only competition for now is each other until we're voted on for the games, but it might do some good to pay attention to who we might have to fight.
As usual, the first two districts consist of volunteers. Strong, well-fed children confident in their abilities.
"They've been training all their lives," Haymitch comments after the district two reapings. We knew this. It's obvious in the games every year.
The tributes start to all blur together, and range in all ages. I'm even more relieved that Dani isn't a part of this as I watch another twelve year old girl stand next to the other district eleven tributes. She looks so tiny compared to them, I can't help but think she stands no chance and I hate the guilt that brings.
"So." Sawyer turns to Haymitch who looks like he hasn't gotten any sleep. "You're supposed to give us advice."
"Here's some advice." He pauses and we all seem to lean in for the information that may or may not save our lives. "Stay alive."
And then Haymitch bursts out laughing like this is all one big joke to him. We all sit there slack jawed, and I feel the anger bubbling in me.
"That's very funny," Sawyer deadpans. His expression is hardened, something I'm not used to. He doesn't seem like he gets upset very often so Haymitch must have really set him off.
Haymitch is still in hysterics and I'm about to lunge for him when Sawyer beats me to it, smashing the glass out of his hand. It splinters across the table, cutting Sawyer's jaw. Haymitch looks surprised and then winds back and punches Sawyer in the jaw. I grab the steak knife next to me and plunge it into the table right next to his hand when he reaches back to grab another drink.
The sound of the knife sinking into the wood makes everyone freeze. Effie gasps and Etheria looks like she might cry again. Hops has scooted his chair back to avoid the glass. Sawyer is cradling his jaw and Haymitch is doing the same to his hand, both of which look like they might bruise.
"That is mahogany!" Effie shrieks, standing up and storming out of the room. I don't know if she was fed up or if she went to get someone to clean up the mess.
Haymitch chuckles, shaking out his fist. "Well, well, well. Maybe we've got some fighters this year."
Sawyer reaches for some ice from the bucket on the table but Haymitch stops him. "Don't. Let it bruise. Maybe they'll think you got into a fight with one of the other tributes."
"But that's against the rule," Sawyer frowns.
Haymitch just shrugs. "Only if you get caught. And if they think you got into a fight and didn't get caught, even better." He then turns to look at the rest of us. "Can any of you do anything besides main a table?"
I scowl, yanking the knife out of the wood and leaning back in my seat. I throw my knife at the wall in frustration, just to shut him up, and it somehow wedges in between the paneling on the wall, making me look better than I am. Lord knows I wouldn't be able to do that again. Haymitch nods appreciatively, looking at the other two who slowly shake their heads.
"We'll find you something," he tells them just as the entire train goes dark.
I look out the window and notice we've entered a tunnel.
"We're almost there!" Effie struts back in the room, so full of energy, like nothing ever happened.
The train fills with light again and we finally get a glimpse of the Capitol. It looks exactly the same as it does on the screen in the square, colorful and over the top buildings. The train finally begins to slow and we can't help but all run to the window. Everything looks shiny and new, and the people all look like Effie with over the top outfits and makeup. They gather around the train tracks, lining them all the way to the platform. The Capitol citizens wave and cheer, trying to get a good glimpse of us as the train comes to a stop. The others wave back and I give them an incredulous look.
Hops is the only one that glances my direction and shrugs. "They're the ones voting right?" He says, before turning back to keep waving.
I look over at Sawyer next to me, who is pretending to catch a kiss from one of the women with bright blue hair piled high on top of her head and silver lashes that jut out like knives. He seems so different from the boy who was fighting Haymitch only minutes ago and I can't help but think that everyone is strategizing but me.
That's when I decided I can't trust anyone. Because if they can figure out how to approach the Capitol citizens as quickly as they did, they will have no problem figuring out how to kill me.