The pounding on my door is what wakes me up. Effie is yelling at us to wake up and eat before our prep team arrives. I try to ignore her, burying myself into my pillow but she's relentless, her shrill voice echoing through the hallway. There's no way I'm going to be able to get back to sleep, not with what today is, so instead I opt to wash up. I've never used one of the showers so it's a little confusing to figure out the temperature and how to turn it on. The entire ceiling seems to rain down on me, and I don't have to do much but stand there, even down to the air that dries me before I step out of the room.
I decide to just stay in my room until someone comes to get me, wrapping myself up in one of the fluffy robes. It's so soft that I can feel myself slowly ready to drift off to sleep, but right before I can, my door bursts open and the same three members of my prep team as yesterday come flying into the room. Before I can even sit up on the bed, Nepal is already starting to apply makeup to my face.
"We need to make sure you're perfect for the tribute parade!" Tasten says as he combs through my hair.
"I might not even get chosen," I point out.
"Of course you will!" Nepla pats my thigh. "The Capitol loves you!"
I frown at their confidence. Don't they realize that for every child that is chosen, another faces a different, possibly worse fate?
It's only when Cinna comes in the room that I finally feel like I can relax. He has a large garment bag in his hands.
"What do you have for me today?" I eye the bag as he starts to unzip it.
Cinna pulls out a black bodysuit that looks to zip up in the front.
I raise a brow. "You want me to look like a piece of coal?" I don't even try to mask the disappointment in my voice.
He chuckles, unzipping the outfit for me to step into. "Not quite. I want you to be the Girl On Fire."
"And what if I crash and burn?" There was no guarantee that I would make it to the games and I didn't want to think about the thirteen year old blonde I'm being pitted against.
"You won't." Cinna seems so confident in his assessment. "Shall we?"
The walls feel like they're closing in the closer we get to the tribute stadium. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears and I'm so nauseous that I'm almost glad I didn't eat breakfast. There was no danger of me throwing it up.
Instead of heading inside the stadium, Cinna leads me towards a flight of stairs leading down another floor. We head into a room where Etheria is already waiting with her stylist in an outfit similar to mine, although she has an elaborate headpiece and her outfit flares out into a dress.
There is one cylinder on each side of the room made of glass. Two peacekeepers stand on either side of the door and as soon as they see that we're both prepped in the room, they guide each of us into our respective cylinders.
"What's happening?" I ask Cinna who stands behind the peacekeepers with Etheria's stylist.
"They're going to announce the chosen tribute and only they will go up to the stadium," Etheria's stylist explains to the both of us.
"What about the other tribute?" I ask, eyeing the small girl next to me.
Cinna quickly glances at the peacekeepers and I have my answer. I'm pushed into the tube and I take a moment to look over at the small girl next to me. I had spent the last few days so focused on what would happen to me that I didn't want to think about what would happen to anyone else. Etheria doesn't deserve this. None of us do. Suddenly, I wish I could have spent more time getting to know her.
The door shuts behind us and I turn around, banging on the glass. Cinna is trying to calm me down, pressing his palms against the door but I can't make out a single word he's saying, his voice muffled.
"Welcome to the 100th Hunger Games Tribute Parade!" A voice that I recognize as president Snow's booms above us, followed by a roar of applause from the audience.
Etheria and I lock eyes for a moment but I quickly look away.
"To celebrate our 100th Hunger Games, and out 4th Quarter Quell, we had our Capitol citizens vote on the tributes to remind the districts of the power we hold years later. After a valiant effort by all of our tributes, the votes are in and it is now time to reveal our tributes!" There's another round of applause as music starts playing. President Snow starts naming off the districts, and introducing the tributes. He doesn't call them by name, but as each district is announced, there is a huge roar of excitement from the Capitol citizens in attendance.
My heart beats faster and faster, thudding so loud in my chest that it starts to drown out everything else. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, our district is called.
"Last but not least," the President announces. "Our tributes from district twelve!"
Both platforms start to rise and I look to Cinna for any kind of comfort. He nods, giving nothing away. Then suddenly, Etheria's platform stops, a foot away from the top. The ceiling opens above me and mine continues up. The terrified little girl lets out a scream, banging inside of her tube. The peacekeepers waste no time marching over to her tube and using their key card to open it and yank her out to drag her away. She starts kicking and thrashing in their arms.
"No! No! No!" Her high pitched voice penetrates my tube and I shut my eyes, feeling like such a coward. "Willow! Help!" She calls out to me but I know I can't do anything to help. There is no way out of the tube and the platform is already past where I can see her. Her screams and pleads follow me until they blend in with the chanting crowd. I blink back the tears, not wanting the Capitol to have the privilege of seeing me weak.
I emerge in the large arena, blinded by the bright lights surrounding us. Just as the platform stops, I brace myself and look over to the side. Sawyer stares back at me, eyes wide, filled with the tears that I refuse to let surface myself. I immediately felt the guilt from being relieved that it was him that surfaced instead of Hops. I don't know why, we would still have to face off in the arena eventually, even if he was sort of acting like an ally now.
I don't know if the tears in his eyes are a part of some kind of tactic, but the pain behind them makes me think that it's not. We're both pushed forward onto the chariot and the small gate is closed behind us. It starts to move and before either of us can react, we're both on fire. Well, not us, specifically, but our suits that our stylists picked out. The flames engulf our backs, and it looks a lot like the flames I had on my dress during the initial interview, only bigger.
I can feel myself shaking, and I reach out for Sawyer's hand. He lets me take it and I grip it like a lifeline. He glances over and I nod, trying to remember what Haymitch had said about trying to win over the crowd who seemed to love our outfits. I'm amazed how great Sawyer is at this when he leans over, whispering in my ear.
"Smile. Don't let them see you break."
I immediately plaster on a smile that is so obviously fake, but nobody seems to care. They chant our names and Sawyer lifts our joined hands in the air, making them cheer even louder. I've never had anyone look so happy to see me, let alone this many people, so I try to play it up more, blowing kisses to the camera for Dani and even to some of the people watching who fight over each other to catch an imaginary kiss. The chariot makes it way around the entire arena once, before moving behind the gate where Haymitch is waiting for us. All of the other tributes have already gone back to their suites and it looks like we're the last ones left. With the adrenaline of the parade finally wearing off, the gravity of what just happened starts to hit me.
"Etheria," I breathe out, barely able to get the words out of my mouth. "Mr. Abernathy-"
"Haymitch," he grumbles, placing one arm around each of our shoulders and guiding us down the hall to the elevators. "And not here."
I nod, biting down on my lip to keep myself from crying. I still have a firm grip of Sawyer's hand and neither of us are keen on letting go anytime soon. The elevator doors just barely shut behind us when I finally let myself break. A big sob escapes before I can stop it and Haymitch awkwardly pats my head. If I wasn't so distraught I might have found his lack of knowing how to comfort another human being amusing.
"She was screaming for me. For you. And they just dragged her away. She's just a little kid!" I look to my mentor for some kind of reprieve, for him to tell me that she's safe and actually okay but he just shrugs. I wonder if the years of losing children has desensitized him.
"I wish I could tell you something to make you better, sweetheart. But to be honest with you two none of us know what they did to them. I do hope they killed them though," he comments almost casually and I gasp. "Put them out of their misery. The alternative is much much worse." The elevator doors open and he strides out, presumably in search of a bottle.
"Come on," Sawyer tugs my hand. "You look exhausted. You should go to bed."
He leads me to my own room, stopping in front of my door. I've stopped crying at this point, and so don't know what to feel anymore.
"Tell me about Hops," I plead with him. I know it will only hurt but I feel like I almost owe it to the merchant boy to know as much about his last moment as I can. Someone should remember him.
Sawyer hesitates but I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back. "It was really weird actually. I think he was almost resigned by the time we got into the tubes. When his platform stopped moving and the peacekeepers dragged him out, he didn't fight them. There were tears, but he didn't look sad or angry. H-he didn't fight them, Willow. Why didn't he fight them?" His voice breaks at the end and I look up to see Sawyers crying now too. I want to pull him to me but it feels too intimate, too close for what we are.
"I don't know." That's all I can offer him. My words aren't much of a comfort. "I don't know."
We're both much too worn out from the day to say anything else. I finally let go of Sawyer's hand, mumbling a quick good night and slipping into my room.
That night my dreams are filled with visions of blonde hair and blue eyes and screams that will continue to haunt me.