He didn't know what to say. What could he say?
Raj had finally found out.
"I can't believe you would do this?!" Raj cried out with so much despair that hurt Bowie like nothing else could. Even Millie crying at the prospect of never being friends with Priya again didn't make him feel guilty but betraying his boyfriend…
That somehow made him feel worse.
"Raj, I'm sorry." Bowie apologized full of remorse and regret.
"Are you?" Raj asked coldly, much to Bowie's shock, but then he remembered what he was talking about.
The "apology" he gave to everyone in the cast about the notebook incident was hardly an apology, it was merely an excuse.
It's not like Bowie has never apologized before. He has.
But as he became older, he sought less need to apologize.
He never felt the need to apologize to any scumbag who he would verbally assassinate if they dared to say anything homophobic, he never felt the need to apologize for spreading gossip on those who did less than savory things, and he never felt the need to apologize for merely playing the game.
He never felt the need to apologize for ruining a friendship between Millie and Priya despite the two doing nothing to deserve it.
It was pathetic.
"Raj, please. I am sorry. I swear." Bowie said as tears started to form.
"Do you even care about how I feel?!" Raj asked angrily but there was an underlying sadness that Bowie couldn't deny.
"Of course I do. You're my boyfriend and I-" Bowie tried speaking before Raj interrupted him.
"Don't even say it." Raj sniffed as he pinched Bowie's lips shut.
"But I lo-" Bowie freed his lips from Raj's fingers but Raj interrupted again.
"How do I know that's the truth?!" Raj challenged, "If you loved me, you wouldn't have broken your promise to me!"
"Raj, I made a mistake! I felt like scum every moment it went on!" Bowie pleaded.
"Then why didn't you stop?" Raj scoffed.
Why didn't he stop? That was a good question. Did he really love winning more than he loved Raj?
No, that wasn't it. He loved Raj, but he also loved winning by any means. He wanted both and needed both, but he did tried to have them both the worst way possible.
"No answer, huh?" Raj sighed, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but even after what you did to Millie and Priya, I still thought you were better than this."
Those words were like a stab to the heart to Bowie.
Raj walked away, probably to find Wayne. It made sense, they deserved each other. They were both loyal, generous, and kind. All qualities Bowie knew he would never have.
"Raj deserves better than someone like me." Bowie sniffed.