Ocean waves pounded into my bare legs—they almost sent me careening over into the salty waters. I shivered as the wind picked up and I glanced over my shoulder. Father sat near the dunes. He smiled and then waved at me. I smiled and waved back.

"Daddy! Look!" I ran out of the water with my palm extended. "It's a shell!"

The shell was pure white—the spiral pattern was unbroken.

"Oh, how pretty." I placed it in his calloused hand. He turned it around in his fingers. "You should go find more, Bas. I'll keep a collection of them here on our mat, alright?"

Joy shot through my limbs. I nodded with a wide smile on my face and took off across the beach with the sole goal of collecting as many shells as possible.

She searched that beach for hours and hours. She made sure each shell was perfect. No cracks. No smears. It was the most important task of her life if only to make her father proud. This image of Bastila flickered within my mind as her memories and time sped up. I had no choice but to watch this vision.

Her mother stumbled towards them with a bottle in her hand.

I found shell number twenty after I almost stepped in it. A deep blue. Beautiful. I held it tight and ran towards my father only to stop…when I saw her.

Mother's face was red, her legs wobbly, and she didn't make eye contact with either Father or me. Without hesitating, she stepped into the pile of shells, breaking every last one, and cursed in pain.

"Kriffing hell!" She fell to the ground and held her bleeding foot. "Why in all hells are there shells on our mat?"

"It's…"

Father wasn't one to argue with Mother. I, on the other hand…

Bastila marched up to her mother with her shoulders tight and body threatening…as threatening as a small child could be.

"Those were mine!" Anger filled her words. "You broke them!"

Her mother threw a bottle aside. "Oh? And you cut my foot!"

"If you weren't drunk maybe you would have seen that they were there!"

"Why am I surprised that this is your fault? You're the source of all my pain, after all."

I felt tears fill my eyes. Then I threw the blue shell away and ran…ran into the sea…

I ran after her. The water filled my lungs. So, I tried to shout at her over the bond.

Wait. Bastila.

Into the sea…where no one can find me…

Bastila, you can't…

All I ever do…all I have ever done…is cause pain.

That's not true.

Especially to you. I hurt you, Revan.

I'm fine!

Yet, she didn't hear me. Couldn't hear me.

I grabbed Bastila's shoulder hard and tried to shake her but she didn't move. Drowning. She was drowning in darkness. Likely, she didn't even hear me once over the bond. It was as if she'd cut me off…in an attempt to no longer feel pain. I wanted her to hear me so that I could tell her that I was okay, yet she was lost…

She disappeared into the darkness…and then Malak's face appeared.

This is your fault, Revan.

I woke up with a start. HK-47's head twisted about.

"Observation: You could have been assassinated four hundred and eleven times, Master. That is the number of times the Mandalorian paced our location. Statement: If I had use of my limbs, that would be zero."

I groaned and rubbed my head due to pain from both the bond dream and from laying on the metal floor of the garage. Mission was sleeping against the wall, holding a powered-down sonic tight in her hands. She offered to help me repair HK and I was happy to have her assistance especially since we had a day of hyperspace travel to waste.

Though, I didn't dare wake her. Not when she needed the rest. I rubbed my temple once again, thinking back to the dream. Bastila shut me out completely. That…made me worried. Darth Malak was still torturing her, still messing with her mind, but she was strong. She would resist in the end—in some ways, she was stronger than me. Resisting the dark side was one of those ways.

HK-47's eyes blinked lazily. "Statement: Though, you wouldn't have needed to repair me if you hadn't thrown me at the wall without cause, Master. Flights of emotion like that are…meatbag like and beneath you."

I picked up HK's leg then waved it at him. "You sound almost like a Jedi there, HK. There is no emotion; there is peace and all."

His lights flickered. "Correction: Not quite. Emotions funneled into more useful endeavors are preferred over the notion of peace. Peace is so, so boring."

I positioned his leg into the socket then clicked it into place, watching Mission's unconscious form carefully.

"Is it boring? Or do you feel like you'd have no purpose if people stopped killing each other? After all, without violence you may as well just be a protocol droid. You wouldn't like that, would you?"

He let out a mechanical sigh. "Statement: Peace is not possible, Master. Not when meatbags exist with choices and free will. Unlike droids. At least some meatbags tend to make decisions that lead to carnage."

"Don't worry, HK, you'll be a fine protocol droid when the war is over."

"Argumentative: No, in the future you will regain your memories and your title of Dark Lord, Master. Contempation: Oh, how I dream of that day…"

Mission must have heard HK-47 since she lifted her head as well with a yawn. I frowned then hit the droid in the face to make him quiet. His head swiveled once before the lights shut off. Mission sighed long before laughing softly to herself.

"Oh, whoops, fell asleep." She frowned when she saw HK. "Ah, looks like you did most of the work."

HK only needed an arm reattached and maybe his flamethrower. Was...trying to decide whether or not I should keep that or replace it with a hose. Would be hilarious if he tried to use it and end up soaking his enemies instead of frying them one day.

I picked up my own sonic and grabbed a wire to connect his leg.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up."

"I…I kinda wish you did." I turned towards her and raised a brow. Mission continued. "I had a nightmare."

"About?"

She hugged her knees. "We were all having fun at the Manaan beach. Verena…was alive. All of a sudden, the Sith marched onto the beach. First, Verena died…she's dead for real but…but…and then Canderous. Carth, Bastila, Juhani, you…"

I frowned and stopped repairing HK. Her quiet voice made me stand up and walk towards her shaking form. Then eventually, I kneeled in front of her.

"Mission…"

"I'm just…I'm scared, alright?" She rubbed her face. "Oh, I hate that! I'm…I can't be scared! Not now! I've been…I've been fine…on the Sith world. I shouldn't be…"

"I fear the same," I said. "I don't want anyone else to die. Not when I could have stopped it. Even if stopping it means I die first."

"You can't die for me!" Mission said, ripping her hands away from her face. "Got it? If you die for me I…I don't know what I'd…"

I gave her an intense look. It was enough for her words to drift away.

"Whatever happens at the Star Forge, it won't be your fault. Got it? If I want to protect you, it will be my choice."

"But you—"

"We'd all die for each other, wouldn't we?" I smiled. "As much as I didn't want Verena to protect me, I respect her decision. I would hope you would respect mine."

"Oh…of course…but…" She sniffed. "I just…I have no one else. If you were all killed, I don't…"

"That's not true." I shrugged. "Zaalbar is still out there leading his clan."

"I know but…"

"And you really think we'll fail that badly? That we will all die and leave you alone?"

"No!" Mission shook her head. "You know what? It's just…a silly dream. That's all."

I smiled and then patted her shoulder.

"A silly dream."

Afterward, Mission helped me completely repair HK-47. HK complained about having the "blue meatbag" touch his parts again, but one threat from the sonic shut him up for the rest of the hour. There was still that anxiety in the air, I sensed it with the Force, but I didn't make a comment about it. Not when I shared that anxiety with the young Twi'lek.

That vision with Bastila…was just a silly dream. We'd arrive at the Star Forge and rescue her just like we did on Taris.

Simple.

Carth sat in the cockpit with Dustil in the co-pilot seat beside him. They'd obviously been speaking to each other for a long time, catching up as a father and son should be. I almost felt guilty interrupting them, but I wanted to speak to Carth about what he intended to do now that we had the Star Forge's location.

Dustil looked at me with something…different in his eye. I looked back and crossed my arms.

"Are we there yet?"

Carth frowned. "Are you really asking me that?"

"So, are we?"

"An hour more."

"Okay and…" I gave Dustil another look. He still seemed on edge. "Did you take a look at the Star Forge coordinates? How do they work?"

"It's…" He scratched his head. "Strange. They don't work like regular hyperspace coordinates. In fact, it works sort of like how a new hyperspace route is calculated. We'll do five jumps with each jump doing a different calculation after. We won't know the final calculation until we do the fifth jump."

That was strange. This entire time, I wasn't even sure what these coordinates meant or what this Star Forge was. A weapon, of course, but a mysterious ancient civilization created it. We didn't even know the name of this civiliazation, just that it was an "Infinite Empire" of some kind. Who knows what we'll be flying into?

Carth swiveled in his chair. "When we get to Yavin, I'll communicate with the Republic Navy and get their opinion. The army could all jump with us—"

"No!"

Both Carth and Dustil flinched at my strange outburst. An intense feeling of fear radiated from me.

"No? Why?" Carth didn't act as belligerent as I thought.

"I…" I closed my eyes and tried to figure out why I didn't want the army to come with us. "A trap. Malak will be expecting me. It would be…best if we went first to make sure."

"Oh, Malak is expecting you?" Dustil eyed his father. "Wonder why that would be, Revan?"

I raised a brow at Carth and in turn he frowned at his son.

"I told him. With everyone else knowing on the ship, I figured it would be impossible to keep that a secret."

I shrugged. "It's fine. Should have told him sooner."

Dustil sighed. "I still can't believe it. If Revan is on our side, and the Jedi forgave you, then maybe it won't be impossible for all of us to be forgiven too?"

"I don't think the Republic or the Jedi forgave me. Just…one or two." Bastila and Juhani really were the only two. I doubted Vrook Lamar and the Dantooine council forgave me. "So, don't get your hopes up."

"What?" Dustil frowned. "Oh…"

Carth cursed lowly. "Kriffin', Revan. Shut up. Let my kid have some hope."

"Not sure why you'd want their forgiveness anyway." I cleared my throat. "Once we spring the trap and catch Malak off guard at the Star Forge we can send the coordinates, Orangy."

"But we should still let them know that we have them," Carth argued. "That way they can be prepared."

"We'll deal with the Sith for as long as possible until they arrive. If we tell them we have the coordinates, the Admiral will want them and will want to use them like the idiot she is. You can't exactly say no without being court-martialed."

"I…don't care about that. The Republic would not be able to muster the fleet fast enough to help us if we don't tell her," Carth said, then he narrowed his eyes. "Oh, and Admiral Dodonna is not an idiot."

I rubbed my chin. "Hmm, I beg to differ."

"Dad, he's right." Dustil interrupted his father before he snapped back at me. "You lived and breathed the Navy for almost all of my life. You can't throw all of that away now."

"I joined the Navy because I wanted to protect you and your mother." He shook his head. "I didn't accomplish that as a soldier, did I? No, I will tell Admiral Dodonna the plan then if she asks for the coordinates, I will refuse. Ranks and the Republic army be damned. What matters is the lives we'll save and if I need to leave the Navy or, hell, arrested for doing that, so be it."

I felt a smile crawl onto my face for some reason.

"Alright, if that's what you want, Carth." I paused. "You know, if anyone deserves a promotion it would be you, but the Republic isn't capable of rewarding dedication of course."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Praise? From you? What do you want?"

I snorted. "Nothing! It's true though. If anyone should be leading the Republic's fleet in this upcoming battle it should be you."

Carth rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Well, when I disobey the Admiral that won't be a possibility."

Honestly, I could see Carth as an Admiral I could actually respect. Someone who truly cared about the lives of people. Though, a good person wouldn't want to lead others, would he? Not when the burden and power would only lead to corruption…and stress. Carth had enough of that, I think. If we won at the end of this war, he deserved to settle down and live with his son.

No more war. Peace.

Yavin appeared from the Ebon Hawk's windows like a bright red warning sign. The station was the same as it was before and Suvam Tan was happy to welcome us back. The Trandoshans hadn't come back since I'd made that suggestion to leave that threat on their ghost ship. We landed and boarded the station without much to say to each other. Most of us were either somber still from Verena's death (like Canderous) or were anticipating the coming battle.

Yuthura stood in the docking station with a few other rebel Sith at her side. She smiled once she saw me and walked at my side as we followed the hall towards the station itself.

"We're about one hundred strong with only a few injured. Not everyone was able to fit on the station so we made camp on the moon near an ancient Sith Temple. Everyone wants to hear what you have planned, Revan." Yuthura nodded behind us. The Ebon Hawk crew followed along with the other rebel Sith. "Obviously we're going to attack the Star Forge, but when?"

That was the question, wasn't it? We didn't exactly have time to waste.

"Malak will be expecting us, so we'll need to come up with a plan to get into the Star Forge system as quietly as possible."

"That won't be easy, my L—Master."

Master, huh? It was…marginally better than Lord.

"It was never going to be easy."

We entered the station to a ruckus. Some of the ex-Sith had already begun arming themselves with Suvam Tan's goods. The Rodian seemed anxious about all of the Sith going through his supplies but once he saw me he relaxed.

"Ah, Wes Gale! Thank the Force. These dirty Sith barged in here and started making demands and I thought I was being robbed! You…you will be paying for all of this, right?"

I eyed Carth. He shrugged. I smiled back.

"The Republic will happily compensate you."

"Oh, so I'll need to collect credits from the dead again then?"

Did everyone think that we'd fail?

"We won't be dying," I pointed out the window to Yavin IV, "The Sith have a habit of blowing themselves up, remember?"

Suvam hummed. "There will be interest, you know."

"Yup. But that's the Republic's problem, not mine."

I turned and told everyone from the Ebon Hawk to gear themselves up. I ordered HK who followed behind me to arm himself then ask the other droids on board to supply the Ebon Hawk for a long journey. Just in case. Who knows how long it will take for us to jump to the Star Forge. It could take a day but…since we were routing there the first time, I had a feeling it would take longer.

I walked up to the window, watching the red giant spin beyond. I myself already had what I needed. I shifted the Mantle of the Force on my belt before I addressed Yuthura who hadn't left my side.

"Do you know anything about Echani burials?"

She searched my eyes before she responded. "No. I don't."

"Kriff." I stared out at the planet once again. We would have to leave her here then…buried in a marked grave. Maybe there was a better way but I couldn't remember how.

I sensed someone behind me.

"They burn." Canderous. He stood at my side with a grim expression. "The Echani burn their dead and scatter the ashes. Their body becomes one with the galaxy. That's what…she told me."

He'd armed himself with an Echani blade and a few of their grenades on his belt without hesitation. I felt my shoulders relax before I nodded.

"Then that's what we'll do." I eyed Yuthura. "We'll burn our dead and then the Ebon Hawk will make its way to the Star Forge alone."

She pursed her lips. "I will go with you."

"No, I need you here to lead what remains of the Sith Academy." I stared out at Yavin IV. "When it's time, we will send you the coordinates to the Star Forge and end this war once and for all."

She relaxed her grip on her lightsaber before she nodded her head.

"You truly wish to do this alone, Revan?"

I glanced behind me. Carth and his son were grabbing pistols from a bin and his son looked as if he was arguing with him about something inconsequential. Mission was with Juhani and Belaya. Belaya picked up a staff of some kind and handed it over to Mission who immediately tried using it on a poor droid. Jolee was speaking to Suvam in the corner, likely trading war stories again. HK-47's lights flickered with annoyance as he dealt with Suvam's maintenance droids—T3 leading the way. Eventually, I looked up at Canderous who nodded.

"I won't be alone." I smiled. "Not really."

Fire twisted and curled around Verena's corpse like fingers grabbing and disintegrating her pale skin, her scar, into dust. All of us from the Ebon Hawk stood before the makeshift bonfire with bowed heads. Jolee, Carth, and Dustil stood at my right while Canderous, Juhani, Belaya, and Mission were at my left.

Canderous almost placed Yusanis' blade in the flames with her yet I stopped him. She told me to keep it and even though I wouldn't use it, I would at least keep it in her honor. I held it now…planted in the dirt. The blade shimmered with the dim light of Yavin Prime. The ancient Yavin temple and the rebel Sith encampment silhouetted Verena's funeral.

The silence was broken by Jolee's tired sigh. His voice was a whisper…so much so I almost thought he was speaking in my mind.

"I saw too many of these during the war. Never thought I would see one again."

Ah, yes I do remember reading about this while I was being trained. The Jedi burned their dead as well but not to return their body to the galaxy but to have them join the Force itself. I stared into the flames hard. The heat was…familiar. That sickening sensation returned—it was the same sensation I felt while experiencing a vision. Then, the vision became reality. Fires raged behind Verena's. Thousands maybe. All with the corpses of Jedi.

"You won't see another, I promise."

Jolee snorted. "I wouldn't make promises you can't keep, kid. Unless you mean to say I will simply be unable to witness my own funeral."

I narrowed my eyes. "You know that's not what I meant, old man."

"Yes, but I am getting old."

"You aren't that old."

"Ha, thanks."

It was getting increasingly obvious that he was only trying to lighten the mood a bit. Unsurprising—this was Jolee after all. Eventually, the fire died just as dawn was approaching yet everyone still remained silent as Verena's ashes beneath the pit gradually cooled.

Finally, Jolee suggested we say some words before we left. Carth approached the pile and didn't speak for a while. Eventually, he said that he was sorry that he hadn't been strong enough to help save her. He apologized for being resistant to her when he learned the truth of her past. Carth glanced at me when he finished his speech.

"I should have trusted her. She truly did wish to be redeemed…and I think in the end, she was."

Dustil approached the dying fire and said that he forgave Verena for taking him as a child. Mission was next and she let a few tears fall from her eyes as she mentioned never forgetting Little V. Juhani said a few words as well that, even though they didn't speak much, she respected her battle spirit. Canderous beat his chest and then said that Verena won the greatest fight of all.

"Maybe the Echani are strong. In some ways."

I approached Verena's cooling ashes with Yusanis' blade in my hand. I spoke to her quietly.

"Yusanis was right, Verena. You were right." I turned to face the Ebon Hawk crew. "We'll find Bastila and take down Darth Malak together. I swear that your death will not be in vain!"

I used the Force and pushed her ashes away. The wind picked up at that moment and sent them into the air.

The Ebon Hawk lifted off of Yavin IV's surface for the last time. Carth propelled into the atmosphere before twisting the ship towards a random direction in the galaxy. I sat in the co-pilot chair and waited for his go ahead to put in the coordinates. Instead, he turned towards me with a serious look on his face.

"It's time to make contact with the Republic fleet." He didn't bother going into the comm room. Instead, he flicked a few buttons and brought up the holocomm. There was static for a brief moment before Admiral Dodonna appeared. I was out of range of the holo so, thankfully, she didn't see me. Yet I could see the concern on her face even with the interference.

"Commander Onasi, thank the Force. I've been worried about you, it's been weeks." She lowered her voice. "Hopefully you have good news."

"Yes, I do, we have the coordinates to the Star Forge." Carth glanced over at me. "With Revan's help."

At the mention of me, she frowned and appeared even more concerned than before.

"So, he hasn't remembered anything else?"

"I don't know, but despite who he is, he's adamant about stopping Darth Malak and rescuing Bastila Shan. That's all that I care about."

There was an awkward pause. She glanced to the side, coincidentally in my direction, before she looked at Carth once more.

"Go on then. Send over the coordinates."

Knew she would ask.

Carth sat up straight and waited for a long moment as if he was composing what he was about to say. Finally, he thought of something.

"I'm sorry, Admiral, but that will not be possible."

Her face scrunched.

"Why not?"

"Darth Malak will be expecting us. We believe it would be for the best if we went first to scout out the system before sending in the entire armada."

"That was Revan's idea, wasn't it?"

Carth flinched before he glanced towards me. He nodded.

"Yes, it was."

Admiral Dodonna sat back in her chair and thought for at least a minute. Eventually, she sighed.

"I will agree to his plan under one condition." She sat forward. "Revan will submit himself to the Republic fleet and be put under arrest. You will lead the Ebon Hawk and her crew to the Star Forge system and send me the coordinates once you've guaranteed it is safe."

No way. I shot up and was about to march into frame but Carth was quick to answer before I did.

"Why do you want to do that? Revan will know his way around the Star Forge. His memories led us there in the first place. We need to use everything we have to defeat Malak."

"Revan remembering too much is a problem." Dodonna shook her head. "I never liked the plan the Jedi cooked up. We got what we needed from the Dark Lord. It's time he finally faced justice, Onasi."

No. It was time for me to do something now before Carth did something foolish. I stepped into the frame of the holo much to Dodonna's surprise. Carth swirled around, shocked that I'd interrupted them, yet said nothing.

"Everyone on the Ebon Hawk is my hostage. If Carth jumps to a system I don't like, I kill him. We're going whether you like it or not." I smiled. "What will you do about that?"

Dodonna blinked rapidly and fear crossed her eyes. Eventually, her military-like tact returned. She folded her hands in front of her.

"I can't stop you, Revan."

"No, you can't."

She sighed. "I should have expected this. Another reason why this plan was doomed from—"

Carth shot up from his chair and stepped in front of me.

"This idiot is lying to you. We are not his hostages." I opened my mouth to argue, but Carth continued. "Your caution is going to cost us the war, Admiral. I know because I used to be just as cautious about…trusting anything. I trust Revan. He knows what he's doing." He turned to face me. "So, no. We will not be turning Revan over and that is my decision."

Dodonna's face was expressionless after Carth made that decree. Honestly, I was shocked myself—Carth said he trusted me. I never thought he'd say that ever. Eventually, she spoke with a dangerous tone in her voice.

"A few weeks ago I could see the fear in your eyes when you spoke about Revan possibly regaining his memories. Yet, now, after such a short amount of time, you have joined his side. Revan was known to be very convincing, manipulative, and charismatic." Admiral Dodonna finally made eye contact with me. "I can see that hasn't changed at all."

"Revan also won the Mandalorian wars," Carth argued. "He was a hero…or did you forget?"

"Heroes don't destroy worlds and attack innocents." She stood from her chair yet kept her gaze trained on me. "Will you truly fight for the Republic, Revan? You betrayed the Republic once before, why not again?"

To be honest, I wasn't actually fighting for the Republic. I was fighting for Bastila, for Carth, for Mission, and for everyone on the Ebon Hawk. I didn't feel like a Jedi. I didn't want to be one. Yet to Admiral Dodonna, I either had to fight for the Republic or for the Sith. There was no middle ground.

So, I answered what I believed to be true.

"I will fight for everyone on the Ebon Hawk. If that means I must be an ally to the Republic, then I am."

"Hmm…" She pursed her lips. "You said once during the Mandalorian Wars… I will fight for the people, that doesn't necessarily mean I care for the Republic. I thought that was strange back then but hindsight is a curious thing. When you became a Sith, were you still fighting for the people?"

I looked away.

"I don't remember."

"No. The answer is no, you were not." Dodonna shook her head. "You always complained about being chained down by the Republic's bureaucracies, but they never stopped you in the end. Do what you will, Revan. Like you said before, I can't stop you." She faced Carth. "I will muster the fleet and await your message, Onasi. Force, let's hope you don't lead us into a trap."

And in a flash she disconnected the holocall and was gone. Carth collapsed in his chair and rubbed his face while letting out a long sigh.

"Well, my career as a soldier is over, huh?"

I smiled. "All of that seems like a pain in the ass. I'd say you're free."

"Free. Ha." Carth looked up at me with a stressed, wrinkled expression. "Probably not. I have a bad feeling that if we survive this…you and I will see the inside of a few courtrooms at least."

"Let's…not think that far in the future. We have the current one to worry about." I took out my datapad and typed in the first coordinate. My hand hovered over the button to confirm and I looked back up at Carth. "You ready?"

"Not really." He shrugged. "But we can't stop now."

I nodded before pressing the button. The coordinates were set and Carth flicked on the switch to turn on the hyperdrive. Once it warmed up, he pushed the lever and the stars bled with hyperspace.

Jump One. Four jumps left. It was time for a drink. Or two. After all, they could be my last.

I got out a bottle of Tarisian ale and poured myself a large glass in the canteen.

On my way, I noticed that Juhani and Belaya were stuck together in the main hold. They talked to each other in whispers. Juhani held the blue necklace and passed it over to Belaya who accepted it. I wanted to stay with them yet I felt as if I'd only be in the way. Belaya did shoot me glares on occasion which meant I was still enemy number one to her. Understandable, yet her anger seemed almost…subdued.

I sensed Belaya come behind me and I immediately put up my guard. Whatever she intended to do or say, I wasn't going to fight her. Not in the mood. Instead of fighting me, however, she took the bottle of Tarisian ale and poured herself a glass. I stared at her, confused, before she finally spoke.

"This necklace was given to me by my family." She leaned on the counter and stared into the deep blue of the crystal. "They were…well off, I suppose, and didn't want me to forget my heritage when I joined the Jedi enclave. Of course, a Jedi isn't supposed to have possessions so I hid it in some hole by the lake. Juhani followed me one day as I was looking at it." She shook her head. "She promised not to tell my master." A small smile ghosted on her face. Eventually, she tucked her necklace beneath her tunic. "I'm sorry."

This…was new.

Belaya crossed her arms and looked down at her boots. She wasn't going to clarify what she meant, so I had to ask.

"Sorry for…?"

"You didn't know who you were. Your past. I didn't…I'm sorry if I acted hostile towards you when we first met. That is why you acted hostile to me. That is what Juhani told me."

Oh, wait, she's serious. I frowned and tried to prevent myself from sighing. Failing at that, I brought my drink to one of the empty tables. Belaya didn't follow me though her gaze did.

I leaned back and took a long drink before I answered.

"Apology accepted."

Belaya flinched. "That…really?"

"Yes?" I tilted my head. "Why? Do you want me to hold a grudge?"

"It's…" She looked to the side before she finally took her own drink and sat in front of me. "Juhani told me that you didn't take the truth well. She said that I shouldn't hold what you did in the past against you because of it. That and all the times you hurt me was done in order to make yourself the bad guy for my benefit."

I drummed my fingers on the table before taking another drink. Yup. Just as strong as I remembered.

"It's okay if you want to hate me. I don't take it personally."

"No." Her face became still. "The Sith killed my family. You…killed my family. I hated you because of it. You are the reason why I joined my master to fight in this war. I was wrong to do so. A Jedi does not hate. I made that mistake with my own Master. My fear, my hatred, only brought me closer to the dark side. Pushed me away from Juhani. Yet, even with all that you have done, I do not hate you, Revan."

She was telling the truth. I watched her eyes closely and her face didn't budge from her determined expression. She'd forgiven me.

I placed my drink down and leaned onto the table.

"Why?"

"Why?" She blinked. "I…I explained already. I'm not repeating myself."

"Oh, I know, but you shouldn't."

"That's not for you to decide." She crossed her arms. "Actually, why are you against it? Do you not want me to forgive you?"

Perhaps. In a small way, I still felt as if I didn't deserve it. At least, not until Bastila was safe. That and it felt…strange. People apologizing to me that is. First Carth, then Verena, and now Belaya. It almost made me shiver and some of that anxiety came back to boil my stomach. It wasn't logical, in fact, this feeling almost felt instinctual. Like Revan didn't like hearing the words.

So, I decided not to answer Belaya's question. I got up and took the bottle and glass with me.

You're running.

That made me pause. Oh, kriff, I was doing it again. I looked down at Belaya who was frowning at me.

"We have more in common than you'd like to think." I shrugged. "You didn't think you deserved Juhani's love after killing your own master. In some ways…I still feel that way about myself." My voice drifted away. "And I don't think that feeling will ever go away no matter how illogical. So no. I don't accept your forgiveness because I still can't forgive myself."

A flash of understanding crossed her features. As if in response, she took her first drink.

"Thank the Force for Juhani. Without her, I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself." Belaya hesitated. "But it's the same with you and Bastila Shan, isn't it? She saved your life and…you feel something more for her."

I felt my jaw tense. Right. I…completely forgot that she knew.

"That's why I need to save her." I looked down at the bottle. "Maybe when she's with us again, I'll be able to accept your forgiveness."

Belaya nodded then raised her glass.

"Let's hope the Force will be with us then."

I raised my own glass.

"May the Force be with us."

And we each took a drink.

Jump two. Three jumps left.

It was late—mostly everyone had gone to sleep. Canderous and I took turns taking shots from the bottle of Tarisian ale in the main hold. Eventually, we switched to lighter ale—black ale or ne'tra gal as Canderous called it. The pazaak cards somehow came out and Canderous and I decided, in our drunken state, to bet on the game. Juhani sighed in the corner—Belaya retired once we got out the Mando drinks. Not sure why Juhani didn't follow her though in my blurry vision I could see a smile on her face as she observed our antics.

Come on! Try it! It's not bad, promise!

I shook my head after that strange voice echoed behind me. No. Memories…memories that weren't real. I shook my head again and took another swig of the black ale to push it away.

"No cheating, Revan." Canderous chuckled. "I wouldn't put it past yah."

I threw down a ten card. Twenty-two.

"Well…" I scratched my head as I stared down at my blurry cards with confusion. "Oh. I don't have a minus two. Guess I used that one. Shutta."

"Hey! Why are you playing without me!" Mission rushed into the main hold where we'd started our game on the floor. Wait, wasn't she supposed to be asleep? She sat next to me in a huff. "I'll play the winner!"

"Ha, well, you'll probably be going against me, kid." Canderous took another drink. "Pipsqueak here can't cheat while drunk."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not drunk."

"Uh huh."

"We had the same amount. I can hold my drink."

"Sure, but against me?" Canderous smiled. "You can beat me in a battle, of course, but when it comes to holding drinks you'll never beat me, pipsqueak."

I narrowed my eyes and proved to him that I wasn't drunk by using the Force on the cards, scattering them about. Mission snorted then laughed and Canderous responded by laughing with her.

"Let's have a drinking game then." I pointed at the ale bottle. "Right here…right now."

Mission nodded with a smile. Juhani, who had stayed back, stepped towards us. Canderous crossed his arms with a skeptical look on his face.

"You want to die of alcohol poisoning? You're already drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"You aren't pointing at anything, you know."

Oh…I felt my face warm again as I moved my finger so that I was actually pointing it at the bottle. Canderous snorted. "About a foot to the left." I moved it to the…left. "Your left."

I groaned before grabbing the bottle and opening it with a pop. I went to pour it but Canderous caught it before I did.

"Err, let me do that." He poured into both of our cups then he stood. I stumbled up with him…he extended his arm. "Let's do a Mandalorian drinking game then. First, we lock arms with the tankard in hand." I did so clumsily. He grinned down at me. "Then we chug. We can't stop until we're both finished. If you stop before I finish, you get a face full of booze. And shame."

Oh, I was ready. Not for the shame, of course, but for victory. I positioned myself only for Juhani to step towards us, placing a hand on both of our arms.

"I think he's had enough…"

"Oh, he'll be fine!" Canderous tilted his head. "Unless you want to take his place?"

I shook my head. No. I was going to beat the Mando at his own game. I didn't want to lose—I never lost at drinking games. Juhani looked me up and down with concern before sighing.

"I will."

Canderous laughed hard. "Ha, finally!" He unhooked from my arm…the movement made me stumble back for some reason. A Force steadied me before I sat down and Juhani grabbed the drink from my hand…an action that I couldn't stop.

She shook her head as she hooked arms with the Mando.

"I actually…do not think I have had this before."

"What? Ne'tra gal?"

"No. A drink." Her voice grew dark. "At least…one that was intentional."

Canderous beamed. "Better late than never!"

The Mando didn't wait. He pulled up and on Juhani's arm, forcing her to start drinking as well. Surprisingly, she didn't flinch as she started drinking though I could tell she was uncomfortable. Mission whooped as they both chugged for at least a minute…and both of them finished without either of the faltering. Juhani stumbled back when she was done and Canderous belted out a strong laugh.

"Ha! Knew you had it in you!"

He pounded her back as she coughed. The ruckus must have woken up someone since I heard shuffling in the hall. Dustil marched into the room and gave us dirty looks.

"You're all drinking? This late? Really?"

Canderous raised a glass at Carth's son. "Come on! Have one. You're almost of age and we're about to go into battle. You don't need to tell your old man."

Mission jumped up from the floor. "Oh, can I have one too?"

"Sure, sure."

I shook my head. "No. She's gonna…throw up everywhere."

She blanched and then glared at me.

"I won't drink as much as you, Chunks."

I raised a brow at my old nickname and felt my face warm. I was about to stop her but she produced a cup (somehow) and took the bottle from the floor. I was unfortunately too slow to keep it from her and Juhani was still recovering to stop her.

Force, maybe I am drunk…

Mission poured into her cup and placed the bottle onto the floor next to me. Dustil responded by crossing his arms.

"Isn't she a kid?"

Mission grew purple. "Oh, shut it, how old are you then, huh?"

"Seventeen."

"So you're barely older than me!" Mission shouted. "If I'm a kid, what are you?"

"Someone who is obviously more responsible. I mean, I was a Sith and even I know that drinking puts your guard down. It's dangerous."

Canderous sat down next to me while chuckling, pouring in his glass.

"A spitting image of his father, ain't he?"

I looked over at Dustil. While he had a darker complexion, perhaps matching his mother, his stubborn attitude was exactly like Carth.

I sighed. "Great, now we have two Carths to deal with…one Orangy was enough."

Dustil glared down at us. "I'm nothing like my old man. Nothing."

"Yup, exactly like Orangy." I took the bottle and tried to pour…then realized it was gone. I sighed. "Well, better get another."

I stood and tried to…stumble my way to the closet. Dustil sniffed me as I passed him. I heard them talking as I rummaged through the cabinets.

"How is he Darth Revan anyway? He's…he's a drunk! He's not intimidating at all!"

"Oh, pipsqueak can be intimidating. He's not going to be that way all the time though."

"He's not intimidating ever!" Mission's voice piped up. "He's always been nice to me and he always tries to save people like Big Z, those children…everyone. Sure, sometimes he gets grouchy, but he deserves to be!"

"I second that," Juhani said between coughing.

"Well, you both haven't exactly been on his bad side."

"Actually I…he was intimidating a bit…" Dustil's voice was small. "He killed a student one day like…like nothing. I mean, I was a Sith. I had to kill too. But death didn't even seem to phase him. That and he killed him because he was snoring."

Ah. There. Twi'lek liquor. Perfect. I took the bottle out and almost dropped it. Thankfully, with my skills of balance, I was able to catch it again. I wandered back into the main hold with a slight grin hurting my scar.

"Hey, Dustil, wanna try this?"

He flinched when I came back out with the bottle extended. A slight glimmer of fear filled his eyes. My smile died once I realized why he was afraid. Though something in Dustil's eyes changed once I frowned. He nodded his head and took the bottle of Twi'lek liquor.

Sitting once again, I crossed my legs and watched as Dustil struggled to open the bottle. Eventually, he popped it open. "We want the strongest you got!" Alen smiled at me. It was…a celebration? We were celebrating my promotion as Starr's right hand. "Isn't this place better?" Alen asked, shouting over the booming music. "No expectations, no captain. Just us and the Twi'leks."

"Careful, it's strong—"

Dustil drank it straight from the bottle then spat it out immediately. Red lit his face as he placed the bottle down with a huff. Disappointment and embarrassment filled his features as Mission laughed hard along with Canderous who chuckled under his breath.

"Shut up!" He glared at the bottle then at us. "This is…compactor trash water! Who in their right mind drinks this?"

"Men." Canderous responded. "Warriors."

Dustil's face creased and he made the decision to pick the bottle up again though this time he had a cup. He poured into it and whiffed it once.

"That'll make it worse," I muttered.

"Shut up…!" He hesitated once he realized he'd said that to me. Revan. "Err."

Finally, he took another drink and this time he held it down. Juhani sighed as Canderous egged him on to finish the shot. The poor Jedi stumbled past me towards the dorm, excusing herself. Right…a whole glass of black ale would not sit well on someone who barely drank at all.

It was at this point that Mission started drinking as well…and I hadn't noticed when she'd downed her entire cup of ale. I narrowed my eyes and flung the cup away from her hand despite it being too late. She grumbled at me before going to Dustil's side.

"I want to try that," she said.

"You're going to regret it."

"No way!"

She didn't let Dustil convince her anymore and grabbed the bottle from his hands. No…ugh. I stumbled to my feet and managed to somehow take it from her hands.

"This was mine you know…"

She opened her mouth to argue yet I didn't hear what she said as I drank straight from the bottle—

Darkness. I…yeah, I must have been drunk.

In the fog of my mind, I heard angry arguments. Carth? Something pulled me down the hall. My boot hit the edge of the wall—

A pillow was flung into my face.

"Rise and shine, beautiful!"

I groaned before I rolled out of bed. Hangover. Not good. Not good at all. Alen smiled down at me mischievously. I frowned back. When I saw that grin…it meant bad things were about to happen. Very bad.

"Partied hard here, huh? Why didn't you invite me?" Alen chuckled. "Sorry. It's time for our bleak, bleak reality again, Captain."

No. I didn't want it. I laid back down and buried my head in the pillow.

"Five minutes."

"I'm serious. We need to get going now. They really can't see you like this."

"Why do they need me exactly? They can't survive without me for five minutes?"

"Yes. They are lost without their knight in shining armor."

"Thankfully, the damsels can afford to be lost. For five minutes."

"You know, it amazes me how you're able to drink like this then get up and lead us like nothing. Maybe that's your secret? I'm a bit jealous actually…"

"...I wasn't drinking."

"Sure, and I'm a Jedi. Oh, and lying. You suck at that."

"Don't act like you aren't drinking either."

"Yes, but that's me. Not you. This isn't supposed to be you."

I looked up at Alen's face. A strange anger bubbled up within my chest.

"I'm not perfect."

I felt pain behind my eyes as Alen looked away from me. Always he looked up to me as a shining beacon. This always manifested into a deluded sort of attitude. One where he placed me on a pedestal. He may have been my friend, but he was like the rest of the crew. They used me for their own purposes. They needed me as an example—a reflection. Someone to look up to. A perfect measuring stick. More of an ideal than a person. In a way, I accepted that fate.

I was…an ideal.

And an ideal couldn't be friends with anyone.

Alen frowned. "I know but I'm worried about you. This isn't how you used to face your problems."

I sat up in the bed and stared hard into Alen's face.

"We all have our ways of coping." I stood and grabbed my cloak. "Stop worrying about me. It's pointless. Worry about the battles ahead."

I could feel Alen's worry still and I hated it.

Kriff I hated it.

A soft pillow lifted my aching head. The dreams of my false past dissipated into nothing as my eyes struggled to open.

Headache. Hangover.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my face. Either I'd somehow dragged myself there after last night…or the others helped me. My question was answered when I noticed Carth snoring on the ground with Canderous leaning on the bed behind me.

Gil hopped next to me and gave me a curious look. I returned that look with a small pat on his head.

I wasn't sure how I felt about…dreaming about false memories. Maybe my consciousness realized that the brainwashing was no longer working and now it was working on overdrive to "correct" itself. Was I going to continue to have these false memories plague my mind? Even when I knew it wasn't real?

That was a terrible prospect. I guess I just had to continue reminding myself that these memories weren't real. And if I had to deal with memories of Alen forever, well, it was a punishment that I deserved, right?