Author's note: This chapter was really hard to edit. Just a lot of dialogue that needed to be cut or reworded so it made more sense. Also, I'm already over halfway done with the whole fic, so there were a few parts in the first draft that no longer made sense with what happens later, so I had to rewrite them.
This fic will probably always be a little messy, but I hope you all can still enjoy it and forgive the crudity!
Ghost on the Couch
March 27 (part two)
In the waiting area, Danny hunched over in a chair beside Maddie, his hands shaking on his knees. He prayed for a delay, for the client before him to go long. Anything to reduce the length of his session.
But Brandan appeared in the lobby right on time. "Danny." He came closer. "Good to see you."
Danny stood and forced himself to say it was also good to see him. Couldn't be rude in front of his mother. She would be embarrassed and would lecture him later about showing respect to adults.
Jumping to conclusions… Why was he still doing this, identifying his cognitive distortions? Surely he could stop now. But after doing it all week, it was almost like a tic.
His mother and Brandan exchanged some words, strings of sounds he didn't care to pay attention to, and then he was following Brandan, walking behind him into his office and onto his couch.
Brandan closed the door and sat in his office chair facing the couch. "So, how are you doing, Danny? Anything you want to go ahead and talk about? Anything that happened this past week?"
Danny shook his head, no words, not even a vocalization.
"Is there anything happening this coming week?" asked Brandan. "Something we can frame this session around?"
This guy was really trying. Danny had to give him that. "I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, apart from my birthday."
"Right, I saw that. You'll be sixteen. Any exciting plans?"
"Maybe. I'm sure my family has something in mind."
"But you must be planning on doing something with your friends, right? A party, maybe?"
"No, I don't have birthday parties anymore. But I'm sure we'll do something." Danny looked off to the side. He really didn't know what he'd be doing for his sixteenth birthday. He still wasn't convinced he'd even make it to that day.
Turning sixteen just didn't seem like a real thing that could happen. And he had no idea why.
"All right," said Brandan. "You'll have to let me know next week."
Still looking away, Danny shrugged.
"Well, if you don't mind me moving this along." Brandan shifted in his chair. "Did you keep track of all the cognitive distortions you experienced this past week? Did you tally them on a piece of paper?"
Danny's nerves locked up. Yeah, he had done the stupid assignment, but only because he promised his mom he would.
He nodded.
"Did you bring it with you?"
The folded notebook page had been a constant presence in his pocket all week.
He nodded again.
"Can I take a look at it?"
He really wanted to say no. This guy would surely take one look at the page full of marks and finally realize he was completely screwed-up and beyond any help.
Still jumping to all the conclusions.
But he instead pulled out the sheet and handed it to Brandan, deciding that refusal to comply would only make him look worse.
Brandan studied the dozens of tally marks in silence for what felt like forever. Danny watched the second hand of the clock on the wall tick, tick, tick.
"All right." Brandan looked up at him. "So what did you think of this assignment? Easy, hard? Did it give you new perspective about anything?"
It sucked and it only made him realize just how damaged his head was. "I don't know. I guess it was okay. Kind of...interesting. I guess."
"Interesting how?"
"Just… I just had no idea how often I was experiencing all of those distortions on a daily basis."
"Did identifying them help you see them as errors and not as actual indicators of reality?"
Danny's eyes narrowed in thought.
"When you caught yourself thinking one of these errors," continued Brandan a little more slowly, "were you able to talk yourself out of it knowing that it was a distortion and not necessarily true?"
"I didn't try to do anything with them," said Danny flatly. "I just marked them like you asked me to."
Brandan inclined his head. "Fair enough. But that is something I would like you to start trying this week."
Danny shrugged and nodded in nonchalant agreement.
"But to help you out, let's go over your most prevalent distortions and discuss ways you can dismiss them or view them as they actually are, okay?" Brandan looked down at the notebook page in his hand again. "We'll start with your most commonly marked distortion here. Did that one surprise you at all?"
"I didn't actually count the tallies," said Danny. "What was my most common one?"
"Do you wanna take a guess?"
Danny looked at the paper in Brandan's hand warily.
"You must have an idea of which distortion you were marking up most often, right?"
"I guess…" Danny's eyes darted across the floor a few times as he thought. "I mean, it seemed like I was jumping to conclusions a lot."
"Hey, nice remembering." Brandan tapped the page a couple times. "That was indeed your most commonly tallied thinking error."
Was this guy really congratulating him? Seriously? Danny made a small roll of his eyes but said nothing.
"So let's talk about this one a little more." Brandan leaned forward and propped his elbows on his thighs. "Jumping to conclusions. That's when we assume we know what people are really thinking about us without them saying anything. Or we guess how they'll react to something we say or do, which might make us too afraid to do anything at all."
Danny nodded. A recap. Fine. Whatever took up time.
"So can you give me any specific examples of when you jumped to conclusions this week?" asked Brandan. "Since you apparently did it so often, you must remember at least a few times."
Oh, yeah. He remembered. He had done it at least a dozen times that day alone.
"I don't really want to talk about them," said Danny.
Brandan frowned. "Are you sure? Is there not even one you'd be comfortable talking about?"
Danny shook his head.
"Okay." Brandan's brow pinched in thought. "Then how about an example from someone else?" He put a hand to his chin. "How about...the town?"
Danny's bottom lip stuck out at this rather oddly abrupt suggestion. "The town?"
"Yes. The town. And the conclusions they've jumped to about ghosts."
Danny quickly inhaled but otherwise kept still.
"In particular, the conclusions they've jumped to about our most famous ghost," Brandan continued. "Danny Phantom."
"I told you last week I don't like talking about ghosts," said Danny.
"I know. I remember. They're a bit of a tender topic for you." Brandan gave him a small smile. "So would you rather talk about one of your own experiences from this past week?"
Danny fumed. What an asshole
Labeling—
SHUT. UP.
"So," began Brandan, "about the town jumping to conclusions about Phantom—"
"What about Phantom?" snapped Danny. "What conclusions about him can you possibly bring up? Do you actually know anything about him? Does anyone?"
"Well, that's what I'm trying to—"
"I just don't see how this is relevant to anything." Danny rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It's just...stupid. You can't possibly think Phantom is a good example here."
"You seem to have some strong opinions about him." Brandan smiled. "Care to let me in on some of them?"
Danny said nothing for a long beat, then mutely shook his head. He was saying way too much. He needed to calm down.
"I was just referring to how the town originally assumed that Phantom had malicious intent," said Brandan. "Public approval of Phantom was very low. All of the ghosts in the past only caused destruction and mayhem, so naturally, everyone jumped to the conclusion that Phantom was also set on harming people."
Danny looked out the window and tried swallowing to loosen his tight throat.
"Even though Phantom never did anything malevolent, everyone just jumped to that conclusion without question. But now? We've gotten to know Phantom better. We've only ever seen him do good things, protect the town, fight off rogue ghosts. And so many people have changed their minds about him as a result and realized that initial conclusion wasn't founded on anything substantial. It was only a distortion, not an accurate representation of reality."
All that he did, the fights and fits, the hostility and hysteria, the missteps and misunderstandings. All that he went through, the scratches and scrapes, breaks and bruises, aches and anguish. He endured them all from the beginning and yet it took so long to convince even just one person he was not an enemy.
But so many were still unconvinced he was good. Even his own parents believed he needed to be eliminated. Or at least taken away and strapped to a table for torture and experimentation.
Even though he hadn't done a single thing to warrant any of these reactions or accusations.
Yes. People had been jumping to conclusions about him since the beginning. And no, none of them were fair conclusions.
They were...distortions.
God, he hated that this guy actually did know what he was talking about.
"So let's talk about how this distortion about Phantom could maybe be undone," said Brandan.
"Why Phantom?" asked Danny testily. "Can't we just make up a distortion and talk about that instead?"
"We could, but I think it's better to use a real example instead of a hypothetical."
"Well, then why don't we talk about one of your distortions? Since you said everyone has them. And you even admitted you have them."
"I want it to be an example you yourself would be familiar with—"
"And why the hell would I be familiar with anything having to do with Phantom?"
The silence that followed his sudden rise in volume was deafening. Danny shifted back into the couch and tried to conceal his panic.
This guy didn't know he was Phantom, did he? This was just another conclusion he was jumping to, right?
"Or...or any ghost," Danny offered more quietly. "I mean, why would you think that I would be familiar with any example having to do with ghosts? Because my parents are career ghost hunters? Because I've grown up in a family where ghosts are often the main dinner conversation?"
"Actually, I was only referring to Phantom's infamy turned fame," said Brandan. "Everyone in this town is familiar with him and his rise from perceived enemy to lauded hero. Wouldn't you agree? Phantom is certainly our most popular celebrity. We actually have tourists who come here hoping to catch a glimpse of him. That's what I meant when I said it's something you're familiar with."
Danny held his arms and lightly dug his nails into his skin.
Maybe he really did have a problem with jumping to conclusions. It sure would save him a lot of unnecessary anxiety if he could just get this under control.
"I still don't want to talk about him," said Danny. "It's just… I'm sorry, but I hear enough about him from my parents. They're...kind of obsessed with him."
Brandan crossed an ankle over his knee. "Do you have any thoughts about him, Danny? Is he a hero or villain in your mind?"
Well, wasn't that quite the question to be posing to him of all people?
"I don't really have any thoughts about him," said Danny. "I… I don't really know what he is. I only know what other people think about him."
"Do you really?"
Danny eyed Brandan with confusion.
"You can't read their minds, can you?"
"Weren't we just talking about how everyone in town used to think of Phantom as a villain but now they think of him as a hero?"
"Yes, those are the poll results. But do you have any actual idea what the people here as individuals think about him? Can you really know that?"
Danny looked out the window, at the hundreds of people driving by that he had surely saved from some sort of ghost attack but had never actually met and probably never would.
"Not jumping to conclusions means not assuming you know exactly what others are thinking about anything." Brandan clasped his knee. "Including their thoughts about someone that isn't you."
Danny turned back from the window and stared at Brandan very hard.
"So, anyway," said Brandan. "Back to our discussion of how to overcome this distortion about Phantom—"
"Wait," said Danny. "Can we, um… I mean, can I give an example from my own life instead?"
Brandan blinked a couple times before nodding. "Absolutely. Of course."
"How, um… How specific does it need to be?"
"The more specific, the better, but tell me as much or as little as you want."
Danny thought back to earlier that day. So many times he jumped to conclusions, so many choices for an example.
"Okay," Danny began. "So I have two really good friends: Sam and Tucker. And today, they wanted to hang out after school like we usually do. But I couldn't hang out today because...well, you know." Danny held out a hand to indicate the office setting, somewhat bitterly. "But when they asked why, I didn't tell them the truth. I lied." He paused. "I didn't want to tell them that I had to go to therapy."
Brandan nodded, his brow furrowing.
"I didn't want to tell them because...I'm pretty sure that they already think that I need help," said Danny. "And if they find out I'm seeing a therapist, I just worry that'll only make them feel like they were right all along about me. And then maybe they'll just think I'm really weak and…I don't know. Sick in the head, like a head case"
Brandan clasped his hands loosely under his chin. "What makes you think they think that about you, Danny? Or that they could ever think that about you?"
Danny tensed. "Um… Well, I mean, I sort of told you last week that...I'm struggling with a lot of things, things I don't want to get into. But Sam and Tucker know about those things, and they're often trying to tell me to relax or take a break. Like they always think I'm really tired and overworked and stressed."
"Have they specifically told you that?"
"Well, no. But it's pretty obvious since they're always telling me to chill, don't you think?"
Brandan looked down at the tallied sheet in his lap with a small smile. "That would be a personalization." He met Danny's gaze again. "But we'll talk about that one later."
Danny hung his head and said nothing.
"But assuming that your friends will think you're weak or a head case if you tell them you're getting therapy." Brandan nodded. "Yes, that is jumping to a conclusion. So I have to ask, have your friends ever told you that they think you're weak? Like directly?"
Danny chewed the inside of his cheek. "No…"
"Have they ever told you they think you're sick in the head or mentally ill?"
"No."
"Have they ever told you they think you could use some professional help?"
"No. They've only just kind of hinted at it."
"But did you ask them to clarify these hints? Have you ever gotten them to specifically explain what their hints mean?"
"Well...no."
"Why not?"
"I guess… I was afraid that I'd be right. I was afraid that they really would tell me that they think I'm a head case."
"You were afraid." Brandan paused. "It's remarkable how much power a distortion can have, how it can make us afraid to interact with others or do anything at all."
Danny shrugged.
"But do you think your friends would continue hanging out with you if they thought you were sick in the head?"
"I don't know. I mean… I guess so since they still do."
"Danny, your friends probably don't think that about you at all. All of the perceived hints, all of the things you're sure they're thinking about you, they are almost certainly thinking errors. And based on all these tally marks you have here, jumping to conclusions is something you do a lot, something that is probably preventing you from doing a lot of things." Brandan's tone turned grave. "Something that's probably making you feel pretty unhappy a lot of the time."
Danny shrugged again. What did this guy know, really? He had never met Sam and Tucker. He didn't know about the things they said to him sometimes regarding his bloodshot eyes or unbalanced walk or irritable mood. Okay, sure, maybe they didn't think he was crazy, but they definitely thought something about him.
"So let's talk more specifically about how we can repair this incorrect and damaging line of thinking, how to stop ourselves from jumping to conclusions," said Brandan. "The first step is to identify the cognitive distortion, because you obviously can't stop yourself from jumping to conclusions if you don't even know you're doing it in the first place." Brandan held up Danny's tally sheet. "You've been doing that all week, and I don't want you to stop doing it now that the week is over. You don't have to mark it anymore, but you should still identify it when it happens."
Danny said nothing. It made sense. No objections.
"Once we recognize that we are jumping to a conclusion, our next step is to examine all the evidence. Can we definitely prove our conclusion is correct beyond a shadow of a doubt? Most of the time, we can't. So I asked you for evidence to support your belief that your friends will think you are weak or mentally unwell. You tried providing some evidence, but there were no specific quotes you could present to me that definitely proved your friends could ever think such a thing about you."
"Okay, fine. You're right," said Danny. "They've never actually said anything like that specifically. But they've also never said they think I am mentally healthy or that I don't need professional help. So am I just supposed to assume that they do think I'm mentally healthy unless they specifically state otherwise?"
"No," replied Brandan with a firm shake of his head. "That would still be jumping to a conclusion. Usually when you jump to a conclusion, it's something negative that tears you down and keeps you from doing something or trusting someone, but it can also be something that gives you a false sense of entitlement or achievement. Both can be damaging in different ways. You can't fix a negative conclusion by replacing it with a positive one."
"Okay, so then what am I supposed to do?"
"The goal is to not jump to any conclusion at all," said Brandan. "But of course it's not an easy task. People who struggle with this distortion are often never able to fully stop jumping to conclusions and instead have to train themselves to ignore the conclusions and not act on them. But you should never stop trying to completely stop jumping to conclusions."
Danny exhaled loudly.
"So now that we've gone over the steps for fighting the thinking error in general, let's actually walk through them for your specific example," continued Brandan. "Again, step one is to identify the thinking error, and assuming what your friends might think if they knew you were seeing a therapist is indeed an example of jumping to a conclusion. So you're already doing great with the first step."
Danny shrugged. This compliment didn't mean anything. Brandan was just trying to flatter him to get him to open up more or establish some sort of bond.
Disqualifying the positive.
And also jumping to a conclusion—
STOP
"The next step is to identify the evidence that you believe supports the conclusion. So I asked you whether or not you've ever heard your friends say they think you're not well, and those are exactly the questions you should be asking yourself. Consider the basis of your conclusion and determine if its foundation is actually substantial or not. Ask questions like 'is that what he actually said?' 'Did I really hear her say that?' 'Do I really know this for sure about them?' You will probably find that your answers to these questions are not upholding your conclusion at all."
"Still doesn't mean it isn't true," Danny muttered.
Brandan sighed and held up his hands. "You know, yes, you're right about that. There is always a chance that the conclusion you've jumped to is true. But if you always assume it's true, you're just going to paralyze yourself. You don't want to be hindered by a negative conclusion that you have no direct proof for. Your goal is not to prove or disprove a conclusion but rather to push aside the conclusion entirely and not let it control you."
Brandan paused for a short moment. Danny said nothing as he waited, his gaze low as he considered these words.
"Once you've identified your evidence, your next step is talking through it. Either dismiss each point of evidence as unsubstantial or come up with a positive alternative for each negative idea or thought. So getting back to your example, you jumped to the conclusion that your friends would think you're mentally unwell if you were to tell them that you're talking to a therapist. However, since you have not actually told them yet, the evidence for your conclusion is based solely on your fears and feelings. Because you have no control over your friends' thoughts and certainly cannot ever truly know them, this evidence can only be dismissed as unsubstantial. It cannot possibly prove your conclusion."
Danny's teeth ground together as he tried to think of some counter. It just didn't seem correct to him and yet he couldn't find a problem with the premise. He'd have to think about this one. Maybe he could ask Jazz.
Wait, did Jazz know he was in therapy? Had his mom told her? He really hoped not. Jazz already thought he had major mental issues and this would only affirm that for her and then she'd probably insist on asking him all about his sessions and then giving insight of her own or maybe she'd actually praise Brandan's stupid advice or techniques.
Great, he was doing it again. He really did have a problem with jumping to conclusions, didn't he?
"When you've talked yourself through the evidence," said Brandan, "your next step is to examine the negative conclusions you've jumped to and see if there are some positive conclusions that can fit your situation instead."
"Didn't you say to not jump to positive conclusions either?" asked Danny irritably.
"I did, yes. The point of this step is to not jump to a positive conclusion but to prove to yourself that a negative conclusion is not the only possible explanation. You want to reason through and admit that okay, yes, this negative conclusion could be accurate, but this other positive conclusion could also be the truth. And because you can't know for sure which is correct, there is no point in obsessing over the possibility that the negative conclusion could be right."
"Okay, so…" Danny sighed. "I'm supposed to think about other positive conclusions but I'm not supposed to jump to them either. Is that right?"
Brandan grinned, looking proud. "Not only is that right, but you also asked me if it was right so that you could know for sure instead of jumping to a conclusion about my meaning. You're already on your way to beating this one."
Danny suppressed an eye roll, his lids fluttering just slightly with the effort.
"So what are some positive reactions that your friends could have if you told them about how you're seeing a therapist?" asked Brandan.
Danny hesitated. "You want me to come up with something?"
Brandan nodded.
"I… I don't know."
"Come on, Danny. Just think. Imagine it in your head. Something positive."
Danny's bottom lip protruded in thought. He still couldn't imagine his friends reacting with anything other than pity and concern for his mental state, but if it would get this guy to finally move on, he was sure he could think of something.
"I guess maybe they'd…" He shrugged. "They might find it...interesting."
"Interesting how?"
"The process. The techniques. I don't know, maybe they'd just be curious about what happens here."
"Okay. That's positive enough. But what if they think therapy is a good idea?"
Danny frowned. "But that wouldn't be a positive reaction."
"Why not?" asked Brandan. "Would you rather they think it's a bad idea?"
"Well, yeah," said Danny, his voice getting louder. "In fact, that's probably the best I could hope for, if they told me that my mom's crazy for making me go through all this and that I don't need therapy because I'm fine and it's a stupid idea and a waste of my time every Monday afternoon."
Brandan folded his arms and leaned back in his chair but did not reply. Danny lowered his head and wrung his hands.
"I mean, that would be better than them thinking therapy's a good idea," he said more quietly.
"But why wouldn't you want them to think it's a good idea?" asked Brandan. "Why is that not a positive reaction to you?"
"Because I told you, I don't want them to think I'm a head case that needs it." Danny dug his nails into his jeans. "I want them to think I'm fine without it. I want them to just like the way I am already."
"But they can think you're fine without it and still think it's a good idea, Danny," said Brandan gently. "They could just want you to feel better because they care about you, not because they don't like the way you are currently."
Danny didn't answer, didn't believe it.
"And you know what else," began Brandan, his tone becoming more playful, "they might also be a little envious."
Danny looked at him curiously.
"A lot of people wish they could talk to a therapist, but they either don't have the means to or they are too afraid to." Brandan smiled. "So that's another positive outcome that could happen."
Danny considered this as his gaze fell to the floor. Sam and Tucker certainly did go through a lot right alongside him, but they weren't nearly as screwed up as he was.
"So I want you to work on that this week," said Brandan. "Whenever you jump to a conclusion, recognize it first, talk through the evidence, and think about other possible positive explanations. The goal is to accept that you can't really know what others are thinking for sure, positive or negative, but it is also important to show yourself that a positive explanation is always possible. And that's why you can't let yourself become trapped by the negative conclusions."
Danny continued staring at the floor. "You make it sound so easy."
"It's not easy. And not everyone is able to completely stop jumping to conclusions. But you can definitely find ways to not let it control you."
Danny thought for a moment longer before leaning back into the couch and raising his eyes to meet Brandan's.
"Do you want to talk about this one more?" asked Brandan. "Or do you want to move on to your next most frequent thinking error?"
Danny breathed out. "Move on. Which one is it?"
"Do you want to try to guess what it is?"
"Not really."
Brandan nodded. "That's fine. Your next most frequent thinking error is personalization. Is that surprising to you, or does that seem about right?"
The events of the past week flashed briefly in Danny's head. "Yeah. I guess that seems right."
"As a review, personalization is when you interpret what someone says or does as somehow being related to you," said Brandan. "More specifically, you interpret it to be an attack against your character or you think it's somehow your fault. For example, if a friend is venting to you about a low score they got on a test, you might personalize the outrage and believe that they are blaming you for the low score. Or you might even actually think it's your fault, like perhaps you were a bad friend for distracting them or not helping them study more often. Or if a teacher tells you that you look tired, you might personalize it and think they are implying that you don't take care of yourself."
Danny nodded his understanding.
"So let's talk about a specific example for this one." Brandan gave him a small smile. "Preferably one of yours if you'd be willing to talk about yourself again."
"What's my other option?" asked Danny. "Are you gonna try to make this about Phantom again for some reason?"
Brandan's smile widened. "Would you like to talk about Phantom, Danny?"
God, he hated this guy.
"No," said Danny. "I'll think of something." He perused his memory for his own example. He had dozens to choose from that had occurred in just that day alone.
What's up, Danny? You're not usually this slow.
Sam had said that earlier. It sounded to him like she thought he was being rude or that there was something wrong with him, like he was sick.
You didn't get detention today, did you?
Was Tucker legitimately asking this out of curiosity? Or was it an accusation?
Danny, are you sure you don't want to eat?
And what did his mom mean by that? Did she think he was underweight or scrawny?
"Wait," said Danny slowly. "Isn't this sort of the same as jumping to conclusions? I mean, assuming that when someone says something to you that it must mean they're insulting or attacking you."
"They're certainly related," said Brandan. "There's a lot of overlap with these thinking errors. The key difference is that with personalization, you relate everything to yourself negatively. Even if someone says something that has nothing to do with you, you twist it in your head to somehow be about you or your fault. For example, if you go out to eat with a friend at a restaurant and your friend orders something he ends up not liking, you might feel bad about it even though you didn't cook the meal or tell him what to order. You might feel guilty that your food tastes fine, or maybe you're the one who chose the restaurant. Essentially, you personalize the comment and end up feeling bad for something you didn't do."
Danny quietly contemplated and did not look at Brandan.
"Or…" Brandan paused. "Maybe when a ghost invades your school or some other place where you are, you might feel like you're somehow to blame for it."
Danny looked at him in panicked alarm. What the hell? How did this guy know? This guy this guy?
"Your parents are ghost hunters," Brandan elaborated. "They've been dabbling in the supernatural your whole life. Perhaps you feel a connection to ghosts that others don't, and so when a ghost appears or attacks, perhaps you personalize it and imagine it appeared because of you."
Danny's mouth was hanging open and he knew he needed to close it but this guy was absolutely right, he did think it was always his fault when a ghost appeared but not for the reason Brandan was suggesting.
"No," said Danny, his voice scratching. "That's not why I think it's my fault."
"Then why do you think it's your fault when ghosts attack?"
Danny was about to sputter out some excuse when he stopped and realized that oh crap this guy had caught him. This guy had totally led him right into a trap and like the complete dumbass he was he fell for it.
Labeling.
"I don't think it's my fault," said Danny. "I misspoke."
"Oh? What did you mean to say?"
Danny glared at him. "I told you before. I don't want to talk about ghosts."
"Yes. You did say that. Can you tell me your reason again for not wanting to talk about ghosts?"
"Why do you need a reason?" yelled Danny. "I just don't want to! I get enough of ghosts at home and school and everywhere. I don't need it here, too."
Brandan was quiet for a long time. He finally nodded. "I apologize."
Danny crossed his arms and pressed himself back into the couch.
"Let's get back to talking about personalization, okay?" said Brandan. "Is it all right if we talk about a personal example of yours?"
Danny pressed his lips, then eased his muscles. "Fine," he said in a low voice. "I guess… Earlier today, right before I came here, I was with Sam and Tucker by our lockers—"
"Hang on." Brandan held up a hand to stop him. "We can definitely talk about this example you're about to bring up, but would you mind if we first discussed a different example of yours?"
Danny looked at him warily.
"I want to talk about something you brought up during our last session," said Brandan. "Something you said that is definitely an example of personalization."
Last session? Last week? He couldn't remember what he had said the previous Monday. He waited for Brandan to continue.
"You admitted to me that you are indeed struggling with problems but that you want to deal with them on your own," said Brandan. "You stated that it was because you felt you had brought the problems on yourself. Do you remember telling me that?"
The memory flashed through his head. Yes, he remembered saying that. And he still felt that way. All of the ghost attacks, the sleepless nights and countless bruises, the ghost hunters relentlessly pursuing him, none of that would be happening if he had just left his parents' ghost portal alone.
"You put yourself entirely at fault," said Brandan. "You blame yourself for many if not most or maybe even all of your problems. And for that reason, you seem to feel you don't deserve help." Brandan paused. "At least, that's the implication I gathered. Am I in the right area there, Danny? Can you tell me?"
Danny. He really hated how this guy kept using his name so familiarly.
"I don't want to talk about this," said Danny darkly.
"All right. We can discuss a different example," said Brandan. "But can you at least just tell me if my interpretation is correct?"
"No!" shouted Danny. "You're not. You're completely wrong. Quit trying to act like you know me. You don't know me. You don't know what's going on in my life. You couldn't even begin to understand my problems and whether or not they're my fault." Danny caught his breath. "Why don't you take your own advice and not jump to conclusions about me?"
Brandan looked down at his lap briefly before meeting Danny's gaze again. "I know it might seem a little unfair, but it is actually my job to try to form some conclusions to help both of us talk through some issues and situations together."
"Then you really suck at it."
Brandan's face was stoic. Danny normally would've regretted his harsh words but he just couldn't bring himself to care right now. This therapy was a waste of his time and his parents' money and it could never actually help him because he wasn't about to tell this guy what his problems actually were. Nothing good could possibly come from this guy knowing he was Amity Park's most wanted ghost.
Just thank God his mom wasn't around to hear him speak so rudely to an adult.
"Maybe I am wrong," said Brandan simply. "But that's why I try asking for clarification." Brandan leaned forward in his chair. "So you say I am wrong. Does this mean you don't think many or even all of your problems are somehow your own fault?"
"I'm saying—" Danny paused, debated finishing his sentence or not. "I'm saying that...yes, I do think my problems are mostly my fault but that it's not an example of personalization."
"And why do you think it's not an example of personalization?"
"Because my problems really are mostly my fault." Danny's voice suddenly lost its strength. He cleared his throat in an attempt to regain it. "This isn't a distortion."
"Danny," said Brandan gently but firmly, "that is impossible. Not all of your problems can be your fault."
Danny's head was clicking and buzzing with some sort of erratic energy. How dare this guy keep using his name and talk down to him as if he were some simple child. "Okay, Brandan. Obviously I know that not all of my problems are my fault. But the biggest problems in my life definitely are, and no one can help me with them." He glared at Brandan. "Certainly not you."
"I am positive that not even all of your biggest problems are entirely your fault," asserted Brandan calmly. "And I'd really like to help you see that yourself. Because I think this might be hurting you more than you deserve."
Hurting him. More than he deserved. This guy couldn't possibly even begin to understand the hurt he endured on a daily and nightly basis. And Danny definitely wasn't about to discuss it with someone who saw him as just a moody histrionic teenager.
Jumping to—
NO he was not going to reason through this right now. There was no distortion here. This guy absolutely thought he was being overdramatic. He was making that quite clear.
"What makes you think your problems are all your fault?" asked Brandan.
"I'm not going to explain it to you," said Danny firmly. "But I know what I'm talking about, better than you do. I know my problems and I know what caused them. But I'm not going to talk about them with you."
"Is there just one example you could share with me?" Brandan's expression softened. "I'm very curious, Danny. It's not that I don't believe you, but I've never had someone so adamantly insist that his problems are all his fault, especially not someone of your age. I usually get teens blaming others for their problems, so I'm very interested to know more about you and why you feel so strongly about this."
"I already told you no. I'm not going to discuss any of my problems with you," said Danny. "You said I didn't have to talk about anything I don't want to. This is something I don't want to talk about."
"Can you tell me why you don't want to talk about them?"
"No!" shouted Danny, springing into a straighter sitting position on the couch. "How many times do I have to say that?"
"I'm not asking you to discuss the specific problems. I only want to know why you don't wish to discuss them."
"I know what you're trying to do. I'm not stupid." Danny held up a frustrated hand, not sure if he wanted to clench it or punch something. "I was all set to give you an example of personalization that happened today. I don't know why you insisted on this stupid example, but I am telling you that I do not want to and will not talk about it. So just drop it and leave me alone."
There was no response for some time. Danny lowered his hand as he watched Brandan contemplate.
"All right," said Brandan at last, slowly. "If you really don't want to talk about it, then I will let it go. Can we talk about the example you were about to give me, then?"
"No," said Danny irritably. "Now I don't want to talk about anything with you."
Brandan sighed and checked the clock. "I suppose we are out of time," he said quietly before looking at Danny again. "Can I say just one thing?"
"If I say no, will you not say it?"
"I'd probably still say it."
Danny shrugged and gestured for Brandan to continue.
"Like I told you before," said Brandan, "part of my job is to pick up on certain cues and draw some possible conclusions so that we can discuss ways that you can face and overcome your difficulties. I know that might seem contrary to how I'm telling you to not jump to conclusions, but for my part, it's the only way I can help you. And I do not automatically assume my conclusions are correct. That's why I aim to discuss my thoughts and conclusions with you candidly."
Danny glanced at the clock. This was so close to being over but not quite.
"So here is my thought to leave you with, and I just want you to consider it, please," said Brandan. "It seems that you are personalizing your struggles and problems. You seem to think that everything bad that is happening to you is because you keep screwing up or doing the wrong thing. And that further leads you to believe that you deserve all of your struggles and problems, which is keeping you in this endless cycle of guilt and misery."
Danny's muscles twitched, screaming at him to just get up and leave already.
"And I would really like to help you get out of this cycle, Danny," continued Brandan. "I'd like to help you see that not everything is your fault and you don't deserve the pain you're going through."
"Stop," said Danny. "Just stop. Can I go now?"
Brandan quickly scanned the time. "We still have about ninety seconds here—"
"I doubt anything important is going to happen in the next ninety seconds."
"Danny—"
"Brandan, I'm done. I want to leave."
He had planned on staying closed up, but now that his volume was already raised and the words were tumbling out with such ferocity, he couldn't stop them from continuing to pour out and build in intensity.
"I'm really sick of you acting like you know anything about me when you really don't. I'm sick of everyone doing that to me. My sister, my mom, even my friends. None of you know what I'm actually going through. You especially don't know what I'm going through or even anything about me at all. You don't know and you could never understand."
His words latched in his throat, coming out choked and strained.
"You couldn't even begin to understand," he said more quietly.
"How can you know that for sure, Danny?" asked Brandan. "Why won't you give me a chance to try to understand?"
"Because I'm not like the other people you see here, the other teens you talk to." Danny's voice regained its strength. "No one on this entire planet is like me or has my problems. No one. You can't understand or help me because you've never talked to anyone going through what I'm going through. You've never read about someone like me in any of your psychology books."
He stood, unable to stay seated any longer. Brandan calmly remained in his office chair.
"And you definitely can't help me if you're just gonna insist that you somehow know my situation better than I do." Danny glared at him. "Don't tell me I have a distorted view of what's going on in my own life. You can't possibly know that."
Brandan's mouth opened to say something, but Danny shook his head and stomped past him. Out the door, down the hall, toward the waiting area, his whole body stiff with heated rage. So much hate, so much hurt.
And he still had to do this SIX MORE TIMES God damn it!
Out in the waiting area, Maddie stood as he approached. She smiled, but then frowned. Danny worriedly tried to interpret her reaction.
No, don't, you're not supposed to jump to conclusions—
He quite honestly didn't care about that anymore. That guy's advice meant nothing to him now.
"Where's Brandan?" asked Maddie. "Did he not walk out with you?"
Danny froze, unsure what to do or say. He couldn't tell his mom he had stormed out of the therapist's office. He couldn't let her know just how rude he had been.
He pulled in a breath and calmed his flitting nerves. "Oh, he's just—uh—I mean, the time was up, and he said I could just—"
"Maddie, hey," said Brandan as he strolled up to them. "I just had to file some papers real quick."
Maddie's frown quickly turned up again. "Everything go okay today?"
Danny hung his head and averted his eyes. His mom was so going to yell at him once Brandan told her what had just happened.
"Everything went great," said Brandan, smiling. "I'll see you next week, Danny."
Danny stared at him, his mouth slightly open. Even as Brandan walked away and disappeared down the hall, he still couldn't believe what had just happened.
He had thought for sure Brandan would tell his mom how disrespectful he was.
He had jumped to that conclusion.
And he was...wrong?
His mouth closed as his jaw clenched. Just what was this guy's game?
He couldn't stand not knowing what Brandan was really thinking or trying to do.
Maddie placed a hand on his back to lead him outside and gave him his phone as they descended the stairs. Danny gripped it tight, his arm shaking.
"So? Anything you want to tell me?" asked Maddie. "Or do you still not want to discuss it with me?"
She smiled at him, looking so motherly and hopeful. Danny turned away from her so she couldn't see his irritation.
"No," he said as calmly as he could. "I don't want to talk about it."
She nodded and pulled him in for a hug, kissing the side of his head and rubbing his upper arm. Danny let her but did not return the affection.
He hated this. He hated having to come here. He hated this guy SO. DAMN. MUCH.
He glanced at his mom out of the corner of his eye as she drove them home. He certainly didn't hate her, but he hated that she was making him do this. He hated that she had so little confidence in his own abilities and that she thought he was so broken and in desperate need of help that she was forcing him to keep meeting with this guy that he absolutely hated.
Jumping to conclusions. Let's examine the evidence—
No. Why should he? Why should he bother trying to take any of Brandan's dumb advice?
Because you promised Mom you'd give therapy a fair try. That was the deal you made with her.
But what was the point in giving it a fair try? It was a waste of time. It wasn't going to help.
He glanced at his mom again. She was too focused on the road to notice.
Why was she making him do this?
He unlocked his phone and scrolled through his calendar.
Six more times. Could he really get through six more sessions with that guy's infuriating voice and arrogant insistence that he somehow knew a thing about what Danny was really going through?
Maybe he could if he stopped taking it seriously altogether. His mom would never know, and he didn't care if Brandan could tell. He would just lie and deny it.
This forced therapy was just not worth it.