Garfield League of America 3
Author's Note: I heard that there was new Garfield movie and new DC Cinematic Movie Universe from James Gunn coming out soon and I was so excited I came out of tribute fanfic retirement to wrote this!
Batman was in the Batcave dutifully monitoring Gotham City for crimes on the Batcomputer as he drank from his Bat-mug his specially brewed Bat-coffee. Alfred was watching his shows while Damien Wayne the Robin was playing Fortnite cause he was a kid and that is what kids do, and Barbara Gordon the Batgirl was studying for her college PHD because she was a responsible academic female with aspirations of career.
"It's a surprisingly quite and peaceful day for Gotham, Alfred." Batman commented as he choked down another sip of pure black brew. "Almost… too quiet and paceful."
"Shush, Master Bruce. I am watching my shows. Kamen Rider Gaim is the greatest and I cannot afford to miss a second." Alfred said glued to the Batcave's television screen engrossed by exciting dancing karate fruit-man action and he began dancing along to the opening. "Just live more!"
"You got a point right there, Alfred." Batman and Alfred laughed in agreement. "Maybe it's okay to sit back for one day and just rela"
At that moment, alarms began to blare signaling that criminality was going down. The image of a familiar leering foe appeared on all the Batcomputer monitor screens. It was The Joker!
"Ha ha ha Batman I have just taken Gotham City Hospital hostage and I will blow up all the babies and crippled people on life support unless someone brings me one billion trillion dollars!" The Joker proclaimed with devious plan.
"Not if I have anything to say about that!" Batman proclaimed as he bolted upright as justice began flowing through his veins. "Hey Robin, you coming?"
"Shut up Dad I'm playing Fortnite." Robin replied with rudeness.
"SHOW RESPECT TO YOUR FATHER. THIS IS MY HOUSE, MY WIFI YOU ARE GAMING ON, YOU BELOW AVERAGE BRATWURST." Batman smacked Robin in the back of the head, only to smack him so hard his face went flying into his gaming pc and it exploded knocking Robin out. "Oops. Better tell his mother he tripped on a rock." Batman shrugged.
"Hey Batman, I can be of help!" Batgirl offered as she ran up to Batman.
"Shut up Batgirl. I am a MAN about to embark on deadly quest and a LITTLE GIRL like yourself playing dress-up will only be a liablity. Make yourself useful go help Alfred with dinner." Batman ordered as he shoved Batgirl aside and rushed to the Batmobile.
Batman drove out of the Batcave at maximum speed with urgencies only to be stopped dead in his tracks like vulture with a broken wing under a blazing sun by unexpected heavy traffic on the highway! All roads leading into Gotham City were clogged like the arteries after too many Big Macs.
"Hey what the bloody blue blazes is going on?" Batman asked to Alfred over the comms.
"Master Bruce, were you not aware? There is also Taylor Swift concert at the Gotham City Concert Hall right next to Gotham City Hospital today!" Alfred reminded Batman. "Now if you excuse me, I must go back to watching my shows." Alfred then hung up on Batman.
"Aw drat! I will never get to Gotham City Hospital in time now much less find parking!" Batman cursed as he looked at the unending unmoving sprawl of bumper-to-bumper traffic ahead of him. "Loathe as I am to do so, I must now activate Plan B!"
Batman then pushed a special button in the Batmobile that sent out emergency call to Superman.
"What is it, Batman?" Superman picked up his phone and asked with some annoyance as he removed his wettened lips from between Lois Lane's legs. Lois Lane was currently in a state of supreme ecstasy, moaning and rolling like waves crashing into the beach underneath a perfect sunset.
"Superman I am stuck in traffic. I need you to stop Joker for me." Batman begged like the lepper reaching for a lollipop.
"Sorry, I am busy. Doing what heroes do." Superman replied with a wink to Lois Lane who giggled like a naughty schoolgirl. Superman then hung up on Batman and leaned forward as Lois Lane parted her legs like the red sea once more. "Strawberries and cream. Delicious." Superman whispered and let his tongue loose.
Batman then called Wonder Woman. "Wonder Woman I have urgent emergencies for you."
"Batman is this about that hospital that Joker is about to blow up?" Wonder Woman asked with disinterest. "Sorry but I am at the Taylor Swift concert. I am hardcore Swiftie and have been waiting all year for this day. Why don't you ask your Mom instead. Oh Wait, you don't have one – tee hee!"
"Wonder Woman, for freak's sake, Joker is right next door! You can be and in and out and flipping done in a matter of seconds!" Batman insisted as he angrily honked on the Batmobile's horn to the apathetic traffic.
"Batman, do you know how much I paid for this ticket? Ticketmaster are even more nefarious than Ares! I cannot risk losing my seat just to stop Joker from blowing up the hospital." Wonder Woman replied with steadfastness.
"THINK OF THE BABIES DIANA. THOSE BABIES ARE GONNA DIEEEEEEEE" Batman screamed with frustration with a plea to the morality of Wonder Woman.
"I'm sure they'll understand as Charon ferries them to Hades that it was either them or Taylor." Wonder Woman argued with sound logic. Then she hung up.
Batman desperately funneled through his remaining list of contacts. From Cyborg to Constantine, Batman called for help as the Batmobile remained stuck in traffic. But time and time again, like a woodpecker at the ice sculpture competition, he drastically missed the mark as everyone always had better things to do. Until Batman only had three contacts left remaining. Two of them were The Flash and Aquaman. Batman was desperate, but not that desperate yet.
Batman looked at the last contact. It was a familiar manly orange hero known and beloved by the whole world ten times over. The founder and leader of the Justice League. It was none other than GARFIELD. Batman had always been jealous of Garfield's great accomplishments that overshadowed him like two o'clock and he was reluctant to come crawling to Garfield for help but he knew that there must come a time when men must put aside petty grudges for the greater of goods. Sighing and swallowing his Bat-ego, Batman dialed for some lasagna-flavored salvation.
Meanwhile back at Gotham City Hospital, The Joker was pacing around a room filled with frightened and weeping hostages. Accompanying him was a supermarket aisles worth of Gotham City's notorious evil-doers such as The Riddler, Two-Face, and the Red Hood. Entire Hospital had been filled to the brim with their collective horde of henchmen. But at the center of it all was their leader – the man behind the man, - a mysterious hulking figure, a menacing enigma cloaked in a black hood.
"C'mon, where the juicy juice is Batman?" The Joker said with impatience of a fat child on Christmas Eve. Joker looked at the mysterious hooded man and vented his frustrations. "Boss you said we would be putting on the greatest show of evil this town has even seen! But what use is a show if the only audience is the cast and crew? Where are the VIP guests to this fatal masquerade?"
The mysterious hooded man spoke with a voice of icy vengeance and stone cold terror that shrunk even the mirthful embodiment of mayhem that was The Joker into a garden gnome chipped and decayed in a forgotten corner of the garage. "Batman this, Batman that. Joker, you must set your sights on something greater than a broken little boy with pretensions of legendary greatness prancing around in black tights."
"I thought we were doing this as a plan to lure in and kill The Batman! If not Batman, who is this goash-darn shebang for?" The Joker demanded to know.
"Do you think it a mere coincidence that I chose to pull this off right next to a Taylor Swift concert? If my calculations have paid off, the biggest fish is about to be reeled in. My ultimate enemy shall be sunken beneath the blood of innocents. And only when he is forever stained by this great failure shall I allow him to die under the weight of my merciless boot." The mysterious hooded man said with scheming as The Joker's goons began affixing mini nuclear explosives to the crying babies.
"Who could be greater than The Batman?" The Joker demanded to know but then a light bulb went on in his head. "Don't tell me you're seriously going after that man! He's an even deadlier foe than the IRS!"
At that moment, hard-rocking head-banging song War Pigs by Black Sabbath could be heard in the distance. All the evildoers began to look at each other apprenhensively as their bodies involuntarily quivered while hope began to tingle up the spines of the hostages. The Penguin thought he saw lights in the distance and thus he foolishly waddled over to the windows.
"Oi mates, it is just me or are those lights getting bigger?" The Penguin asked right before a Harley Davidson motorcycle smashed through the windows and War Pigs blared at full blast. And riding atop the Harley Davidson was a muscular orange man clad in a black leather jacket with shoulder spikes and black shades smoking a fat lasagna cigar – it was
"Garfield." The mysterious hooded man smacked his wicked lips and rubbed his palms.
"Wauuuuk!" The Penguin cried with pain as Garfield hopped onto his Harley Davidson and rode it like a surfboard into The Penguin, and the wheel of the Harley began to shred The Penguin's front like he was a big lump of shawarma.
"Hey fellas! I was in the neighborhood and in the mood for a meal of fresh bad guy! Let's start with some bloody back ribs!" Garfield joked as he whipped out his trusty shotgun that he brought from his pal Ash at S-Mart and pumped the Penguin full of big bloody holes and blasted off all his limbs making the Penguin scream with such great pain his voice reached impossibly high pitches before it cracked.
"Let's get you off the stage, you third-rate soprano." Said Garfield with humor as he bashed The Penguin's jaw off with the shotgun butt. The Penguin's eyes rolled back as his tongue dangled out in the great wide open. Garfield grabbed the Penguin's tongue and while doing super-speed loop-de-loops flung The Penguin into the wall with such velocity he burst like a giant water balloon.
"Go Garfield!" Several of the hostages cheered as the Penguins blood splashed onto them with great exciement.
"GARFIEEEELD! BRING ME HIS HEAD!" The Joker pointed the henchman throughout the room at Garfield. They massed up and began firing automatic submachine guns at Garfield. With quick reflexes, Garfield hopped back onto his Harley Davidson's seat and did expert drifting to dodge the hail of bullets.
"Play with fire don't be surprised if you get burned." Garfield warned wisely as he unsheathed his authentic samurai katana and while drifting he began deflecting bullets back at henchman killing them in droves with his deadly blade.
"We were fools to think we could gun down Garfield!" Screamed one of the henchman as he and his friends fell down dead inpiles.
"GARFIELD! You stole my HARLEY from me! I'll make you paaaaaaay!" The Joker remembered past incident of cuckoldry at Garfield's mighty hands and he began flinging deadly acid cream pies at Garfield.
"Pies make you fat and feeble. Let's cut some pounds!" Garfield retorted to The Joker as he slid his Harley under the pies which hit Tweedledee and Tweedledum instead killing them with the acid. Garfield then flung his katana like a pro darts player at the Joker which shish-kebabed him and sent him flying into the wall.
"Owieeeee!" The Joker cried as he pulled the katana out of him causing great pain and blood-loss.
"Your Harley is a great ride and I'm never giving her back. But cheer up – have a replacement on me!" Garfield taunted The Joker as he did a cool backfip off his Harley. The Joker screamed as the runaway Harley Davidson smashed into him and exploded, with the flaming wreckage trapping him where he was.
"Here's the weather: Heavy Bullets with a chance of Death!" Garfield quipped as in mid-air he ripped out his two iconic Desert Eagles and spun around raining death upon the henchmen in the room. Garfield then prepared himself for a dive kick.
"Hey Garfield let's let bygones be bygones! We can share Harley and be friends!" The still living Joker wailed in desperation as he was unable to escape his metal tomb.
"Share my foot! GARFIELD KICK!" Garfield kicked The Joker in the neck, popping off the clown prince's head like a champagne cork.
"You can't stop us all, Garfield! I will break you just like I broke Batman and still be home in time for dinner!" Bane, the evil masked luchador of muscles, bragged as he venomed up and charged towards Garfield. With quick thinking, Garfield grabbed the Joker's headless body and pointed the spraying geyser of blood at Bane's face blinding him.
"Don't you know it's bad to die on an empty stomach?" Garfield chastised Bane as he dodged Bane's awkward and blindly thrown amateur white belt level blows, and then whipped out some C4. With a punch of extreme force, Garfield shoved the C4 into Bane's stomach. "OOOOOMFFFIE!" Bane gurgled.
Garfield punted Bane back like a quarterback and whipped out a detonator. "Enjoy your last meal, buddy." Garfield quipped as he pressed the button and blew Bane up. Garfield then turned around and saw Two-Face had the drop on him, holding a .44 magnum in his face.
"You feelin' lucky, punk?" Two-Face asked and in his other hand, he held his iconic coin.
"Go ahead, Harvey Dunce, make my day." Garfield taunted Two-Face without fear as Two-Face flipped his coin. Two-Face's coin landed, and then he frowned as he saw what side it had landed on. Two-Face sighed.
"You win this round, Garfield." Two-Face calmly accepted his fate and proceeded to blow his own head off.
"You gotta admire a man with principals." Garfield said as Two-Face's body collapsed. Garfield looked around, most of the villains were now dead or dying and the hostages were cheering him on to finish the big bad guy.
"Bravo, bravo!" The mysterious hooded man clapped as Garfield's vision of wrath fell on him. "You haven't lost your touch, Garfield! But I'm afraid this is just the start of your climb to demise!"
"Show your face, coward. I would prefer to look a man in his eyes before I put them out." Said Garfield with calmness.
"Very well, Garfield! I wouldn't want you to go the hell without knowing the man who sent you there!" Garfield's nemesis said as he threw off his cloak to reveal that he was in fact a familiar face of evil. Garfield's eyes widened with recognition as they fell upon a set of ears that looked like the devil's horns. It was
"Odie. Damn, can't you stay dead, ya flea-ridden furball?" Garfield sighed with weariness.
"Not until you join me, old enemy!" Odie and Garfield gripped their Desert Eagles and found themselves in a Mexican stand-off. Odie then raised his other hand, which held the detonator for the mini-nukes on all the babies. "So, Garfield, you think you gun me down before I set off some lil baby fireworks? Fail and their widdle bwood is on your hands."
"Even for you, Odie, this is a new low." Garfield gritted his teeth with disgust at Odie using babies as hostages.
"The people of the world need dramatic examples to shake them out of their worship for you. How better to prove to them you are not the hero they think you are than this?" Odie laughed evilly. Garfield steeled his nerves and calmed his heart, readied his aim, preparing to take the shot but then he heard the sound of a laser-cane powering up behind him.
"Riddle me this, Garfield! Who didn't watch their back and died like an idiot?" The Riddler chuckled with enigma as he held his fully charged question mark cane set to kill at Garfield's back. The Riddler had been playing dead among the henchman until he picked this moment to strike.
The Riddler expected Garfield to break now that he was at The Riddler's mercy, only to be taken aback as Garfield began chuckling cruelly. "I know who, Riddler. It's you."
"Huh?" The Riddler squinted in confusion. Then his whole world burned up in agony as someone blasted him full of holes from behind. The Riddler looked down at his chest which was now full of exit wounds bleeding like waterfalls. The Riddler tried to turn around to take his assassin down with him but it was too late his wounds were too great and he fell down dead in a tangled heap.
"WHAT THE… BETRAYAL!" Odie snarled as he saw stepping over The Riddler's dead body and joining Garfield's side the Red Hood. Red Hood had been working undercover in Odie's gang for Garfield the whole time! While Odie was distracted, Red Hood had disarmed the nukes and freed all the hostages leaving Odie with pure squat.
"Thanks for the save, Jason." Said Garfield with appreciation.
"Hey, call me Red Hood while we're working, boss. But I think we'll be off the clock soon enough." Red Hood said as he and Garfield trained their sights on Odie.
"Odie, the game was fixed from the start. I knew all along what you were planning and could've stopped you at any time. But I just wanted to hear Batman beg and tell me he wasn't man enough to save the day first." Said Garfield with satisfaction. "Now, you mongrel mutt, got any last words.
"Yeah, I do. PSYCHIC POWERS ACTIVATE!" Odie cried with sudden reveal as his eyes glowered purple with dark energy. He clapped his palms together making psychokinetic burst that blasted Garfield and Red Hood back. Odie then ran out of the room to make a rooftop getaway. Odie's voice then came over on the intercom.
"EVERYONE, CONVERGE ON GARFIELD! KILL HIM TO DEATH!" Odie demanded. Red Hood and Garfield could hear the remaining henchmen and supervillains in the hospital converging on their location.
"Red Hood, I need to get Odie. Do you think you can hold them off on your own?" Garfield asked Red Hood with concern.
"Don't worry about me, Garfield. You were a much better teacher than Batman ever was." Said Red Hood with gratitude as he loaded fresh clips into his handguns and put in his air pods to listen to Nine Inch Nails' Downward Spiral album for buttkicking background music. He and Garfield gave each other thumbs up as a horde of B to F list Batman villains and assorted goons burst in. Red Hood opened fire, dropping bodies and clearing a path for Garfield who ran after Odie in hot pursuit.
On the rooftop Odie was impatiently waiting for his escape helicopter to be fueled and had tacken a hole gaggle of attractive blonde and redhead nurses hostage as a contigency in case Garfield came bursting out on to the roof at any second. Odie was feeling furious incensement that his brilliant and daring schemes of malicious mayhem were once again being foiled by Garfield. To try to calm his nerves, Odie opened Spotify and began listening to his favorite music from The Smiths to calm his nerves.
"How does this keep happening? I am just as worthy a specimen of divine manhood as Garfield! We trained underneath the same master yet only one of us is showered in adoration Presidential Medals of Freedom and smokin fine women!" Odie ranted to himself as he listened to Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now and clenched fists of delusions. "I AM THE SUPERIOR SUPER FIGHTER TO THAT LOWLY FOOL! I WILL DESTROY HIM TO THE LAST GODFORSAKEN CELL"
"WANNA PUT THAT MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS?" Garfield said as he kicked open the door the roof with his two Desert Eagle sin hand. "Or how about I put some bullets in there instead?"
"Not so fast, Garfield! Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Odie barked with evil magic he'd learned upon his many Satanic travels across the Dark Realms as he created several Odie Clones that grabbed all the hot nurses hostage to use as hostages. "You think you can save these ravishing medical bimbos from all of me? So just sit there and die!" Odie and his clones started charging up their eyeballs to fire lasers at Garfield.
"Aieeeee save us Garfield!" Begged all of the nurses as they strained uncomfortably in the evil grip of the Odies, with their troubled big breasts struggling to break out of their constricting tight nurse uniforms as they did. Garfield knew he was in a tight jiffy here, even if he saved some nurses there was a Vegas High Chance Odie would kill the rest. Garfield had only one shot of shots at this, and he had to make all of them count like the PHD in Algebra.
"Yeah, I think I will." Garfield said with confidence as he sprinted forward and did cool side-ways dive dodging all of Odie's laserblasts. As he did, time seem to slow down. Rock You Like A Hurricane played as bald eagles and white doves flew in droves behind Garfield. Garfield fired shots from his Desert Eagles as he flew through the air with deadly pinpoint accuracy hitting Odie and all of his clones in the eye.
"ARRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOO!" Odie screamed in pain as he released his grip on his hostage nurse and all his slain Shadow Clones dissipated. Odie howled in incoherent rage like the trodden upon viper as pure wild evil spiraled out in a maelstrom from his bleeding socket.
"Yay you saved us Garfield!" Said the hot blonde and redhead nurses as they ran towards their savior.
"NOT SO FAST! I GOT MORE TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE!" Said Odie like the magician as he snapped his finger and a giant hand made of psychic chaos energy appeared and swept all the nurses off the rooftop like pieces on a chessboard.
"NOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU ODIE YOU REALLY STEPPED IN IT NOW!" Garfield roared with righteous rage as he saw all the screaming nurses go off the edge. Garfield ran towards Odie only for Odie to grab Garfield by the neck and throw him onto the floor. Screaming with hateful rage Odie materialized a purple chaos mindblade and stabbed Garfield with it pinning him to the floor.
"Time to a conduct a special symphony. It's called FRY AND DIE GARFIELD!" Odie clapped his palms together and summon an unending barrage of giant chaos lighting bolts that hit the mindblade stuck in Garfield and coursed through his trapped body forming an electric net of sadistic torment. Odie laughed and ran towards his escape helicopter taking off. As Odie's helicopter rose into the night sky and hit a safe distance, Odie ripped out his secret back-up detonator and blew up the entire hospital leaving nothing but a smoking crater. "SAYONARA, FAT CAT!"
Odie laughed in victory. At long last after so many years of struggle and defeat he had vanquished his eternal enemy Garfield! Now it was time to celebrate in style Odie thought so he put on There Is A Light That Never Gos Out for celebratory tune. "Alright Mr. Pilot take me to the airfield! My private jet better be fueled and ready to take me to Monaco when I land!" Said Odie with orders to the pilot.
Odie readied himself for smooth and easy sailing from here on out but then hs heart skipped a bakers dozen beats when a voice said "Monaco is so far away and expensive. I think you can have just as much fun for much less in the dumpster!" Odie worked through the dread to look out the front window and he felt the sweat build as Levitating right in front of them surrounded by a blazing golden aura was
"GARFIELD!" The pilot shrieked like panicked little girl seeing a spider.
"What? How is this possible?" Odie demanded to know. "Ah, well, carry on without fear Mr. Pilot! This helicopter is made of Pure Wakandan Vibranium! Even Garfield's mighty muscles cannot put a dent in it! All he can do is watch me win!" Odie calmly reassured his pilot and blew a raspberry at Garfield.
"Don't count your lasagnas until they are out of the oven!" Garfield said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a fresh piping hot slice of lasagna. Garfield put the lasagna in his mouth and his power-up song that Popeye the Sailor Man pays him a licensing fee to use started playing. Garfield's golden aura burned passionate red and he flew towards the helicopter like a ballistic missile with his fists balled up like Shaquille O'Neal.
"GARFIELD PUNCH!" Garfield exploded the helicopter, incinerating the pilot but Odie cast up a chaos bubble shield in time to save himself. "Even the strongest of your lasagna arts cannot overcome Satan's greatest magicks!" Odie bragged to Garfield as Garfield uselessly pounded on Odie's bubble shield.
"The power of Satan is nothing but a homeless man swept away by the floods against me!" Garfield said he cast in quick succession a dispersal spell and a seal of silence that were taught to him by his good magician friends John Constantine and Zatanna Zatara.
"Noooooooo!" Odie cried as his bubble shield popped and he began falling. In desperation Odie tried casting more magic but it was futile Garfield's seal of silence was good for many hours.
"Have a nice fall but expect some turbulence!" Garfield quipped as he charged up and unleashed GARFIELD KICK ULTRAVIOLENT FINNISH VARIANT on Odie. Garfield then rode Odie as they fell through the air, until they landed right outside of the Taylor Swift concert creating a mushroom cloud.
"Taylor Swift!" Odie gritted his teeth as he tried to drag his broken body into the concert. "If I can take her hostage and feed on her attractive youthful bodys blood I can rejuvenate my injuries and destroy Garfield for good!"
"I don't think so." Garfield stamped down on Odie and broke what was left of his spine and then rolled him over. Odie's eyes widened with horror as he saw Garfield holding in one hand a double-decker bus and in the other hand a ten-ton truck.
"Hi Odie. I think you'll appreciate the irony." Said Garfield with a wink. Then he began beating Odie with the double-decker bus and the ten-ton truck like Ringo Starr working the drums.
"No! This is not a heavenly way to die!" Odie cried out with pain as Garfield beat him beyond recognition. Meanwhile the Taylor Swift concert ended and everyone began pouring out to see what the new commotion was all about. When they saw it was Garfield keeling the evil Odie, they began cheering and throwing rotten produce and bottles at Odie.
"Golly Gee, Garfield sure is swell!" Taylor Swift said with adoration as her heart beated with swooning.
"Don't have to tell me, sister! I know all about it!" Wonder Woman commented with girlish wink and her tongue hung out with drooling desire.
Once Garfield finished beating Odie, Garfield stood over Odie's broken body. Garfield remembered their past battles, an eternal combat that had lasted through the centuries. But this bitter war had not been forever, it was not always this way. Garfield's soul darkened as he remembered, impossible as it may seem, a time when once Odie had been his greatest friend and ally.
"Thirty goddamn bones of silver." Said Garfield with disappointed recollections. "That was all it took, Odie, for you to forsake all your manly principles and set down a path of forever blind darkness! You betrayed the Lasagna Temple to the Spaghetti Dynasty! You killed our master, our fellow students, destroyed the temple! Did it matter not that we were BROTHERS?"
"You expect me to grovel and beg for forgiveness? No I would do it again! Hell, I'd even do it for free!" Odie shot back at Garfield with venomous words. "I am sick of being The Luigi to your Mario! The Tubbs to your Crockett! The Nicky to your Mikey! I just wanted to be king for a day! I have done nothing wrong."
"Oh yes, you did. When you left me for dead, you made one big mistake - you left me alive. And now you'll never be more than a pauper in an unmarked grave." Garfield coldly shook his head. Garfield then went up to Taylor Swift. "Hello Cherry Lips. I love your song Roar. Got anything to end Odie with a bang?"
"Ooh Garfield, I have just the thing!" A starstruck Taylor Swift said to Garfield. She motioned and a back-up dancer ran up to her with the Eras Tour flamethrower. "Here Garfield, use this! It's fantastic!"
"Yeah, this will do." Garfield nodded and took the stood over Odie and prepared to put hte mutt out of his misery.
The defeated Odie glared up at Garfield and defiantly managed to raise his bloodied skeletal arm that had ravaged flesh dangling off it and flip the bird at Garfield. "I'll be back Garfield. And next time, you won't be so lucky!"
"Yeah, that's exactly what you said the last time. And the time before that too. They must love you in Vegas. Now just die already." Garfield said as he burnt a screaming Odie to Ashes with the flamethrower. With a mighty huff-and-a-puff from his lips, Garfield blew the cursed ashes to the winds. "Tell the Devil when you see him that he's next."
Garfield took out a lasagna cigarette to smoke and silently contemplated the situation. At that moment, the Batplane landed and out came Batman, followed by the hot nurses that Odie had thrown off the roof all gift-wrapped for Garfield. To Garfield's surplus Batman threw himself at Garfield in kneeling position of penance.
"Please forgive me for my many years of insolence, Garfield! I was always jealous of your manliness but now I see a true man knows when to ask his betters for help!" Said Batman with revelations.
"I see you have learned something valuable today, Batman. Open your heart and your mind and vanquish your ego - it will help you attain true manhood instead of true delusion like Odie." Said Garfield as he helped Batman up and the two men shook hands to signify the birth of a new friendship.
"What willl you do now, now that you have saved the day?" Red Hood asked as he walked up even redder from the blood of his slain enemies.
"I think I'm gonna help our VIP practice her high notes for her next stop." Said Garfield with a wink of sassyness to Taylor Swift who blushed with charmed embarassment.
"Here Garfield let me loan you this." Wonder Woman tossed Garfield the Lasso of Truth. "It will be a very fun opening act to the main attraction!"
"Ooh yes Garfield tie me up tie me down!" Taylor Swift said with begging.
"There will be plenty of that, but first things first I never take a fine lass to bed without dinner first." Said Garfield as he scooped Taylor Swift up. "Come let us travel to Buca Di Beppo, the most magical place on Earth."
"Go Garfield Go!" Everyone cheered Garfield and applauded him as Garfield took Taylor Swift off to a land of oral delights that would be but a mere prelude to a whole night of sensual sensations of molten passion that would rock her whole body senseless in a tidal wave of pleasure. And as Night Fell on Earth, all knew that there would be new threats in the tomorrows ahead, but for tonight all could sleep easy knowing Garfield was there.
To be continued...