Author's Note: I probably shouldn't start a new story when I already have so many irons in the fire, but I am. This is a Christmas themed story -which you probably guessed from the title. I'm enjoying the research for this one, as I really haven't written much of anything set in Charleston. Trying to use my resources to make it as real as possible. So in later chapters when I mention the house, you can rest assured it is a real house that really is on the Battery in Charleston. Thank you so much to dear MissCyn for reading and correcting this story! She is a total gem! I hope that you all enjoy! Merry Christmas!
Chapter 1 - O Come All Ye Faithful
Scarlett hadn't been expecting the letter when it arrived, In fact, she had assumed that Rhett's promise of returning regularly to keep the gossip down had been empty words to placate her at the moment. But she was holding in her hands an invitation for her and the children to travel to Charleston to join him and his mother for Christmas. She hadn't heard anything from him since the morning he left in mid-September, the morning after their awful conversation where he told her that he no longer gave a damn, and the only feelings that he still felt were kindness and pity. He had clearly arranged for the bills to continue to be paid. For the household continued to run like a well-oiled machine, and with the exception of his presence, nothing had changed in the Butler home. After all, he had traveled a fair amount even while living in Atlanta.
At first, she didn't want to even consider it. She didn't want his pity, and she didn't want kindness from him, at least she didn't want just pity and kindness. She hated pity, possibly more than she hated the Yankees. Yet as she thought about the holidays, she was terrified to face the first Christmas without Bonnie – seeing her everywhere, knowing that she was gone, and remembering past Christmases – staring at the mantel trying to decide if it was better to hang an empty stocking or to leave the spot empty, as though Bonnie hadn't existed. Surely it was worse to ignore her existence. Christmas in Atlanta would be terrible.
The year had been so awful, that Scarlett finally decided that perhaps a change of scenery would be best for all of them. If she wasn't going to join Rhett in Charleston, then they would have to go somewhere, anywhere was better than being here. Without Melly, the children would do well to have other people showing them love and spoiling them. Rhett's mother had been kind when she visited, and the children had told her how Grandmother Butler had doted on them in the dark days after Bonnie's death. However, Scarlett couldn't honestly remember much of the time that Mother Butler was in Atlanta. And maybe she and Rhett would find a way to give each other some comfort after so much loss. But Scarlett wasn't going to count on that, she was just going to hope that by being in Charleston, Christmas would be a little better than being at home where everything would remind them of Bonnie and Melanie and even of Rhett's absence. She couldn't blame Rhett for wanting to be anywhere other than Atlanta for the holidays this year.
They boarded the train at seven in the morning on the 18th of December. For being a Thursday, the train was nearly full. And Scarlett hadn't bothered to book a sleeper car or a private car, as this was a relatively short trip, and she and the children were in a car filled with other people. She needed the distraction. Perhaps all of the activity would help keep her mind occupied so that she didn't spend the entire trip worrying about how Rhett would react to her presence – even if he had been the one to issue the invitation. It wasn't that she was showing up unexpectedly.
She also hadn't bothered to pack anything festive, for they were still a household in mourning. And she certainly didn't want Rhett to get any idea that she did not mourn for their child, the mourning was so intense that sometimes she felt like she was drowning under a sea of loss and pain. Yes, she had lost more in the war, but there was so much required of her then, that she hadn't had the time to process it all. Now she had too much time. All she had was time without the mills to worry about. The store wasn't enough to keep her occupied, and she felt like she had lost much of her interest in it in the last few years. But the losses had just continued to pile upon her, until she felt that she would break from the burden of them. She hoped that he would be kind and that they might be able to comfort each other. But she wasn't holding her breath. She wanted peace for Christmas and for some of the pain in her heart to abate.
Wade and Ella were quickly settled in their seats, both with books to occupy their time traveling, though Ella's was mostly pictures. Ella was dressed in a light gray traveling dress trimmed with lavender. Mourning rules allowed for children as young as Ella to wear brighter garments than adults. Her hair in the sunlight was strawberry blond and curled prettily in ringlets down her back. Wade sat beside Scarlett, while Ella sat across from them, already spreading out her books and colors to better choose what she was going to play with. Ella would do better with a small distance between them, as the child would not sit still to save her life. And Scarlett didn't want to spend the entire trip scolding Ella for her inability to stay still. Scarlett still had no use for any of the more standard methods of passing the time on the train— reading or crochet or needlework unless absolutely necessary, though belatedly she wished that she had brought something to occupy her time.
By lunchtime, Scarlett was growing bored. They had all eaten the lunch that they brought from home, for Scarlett didn't wish to bother going to the dining car. And the children had gone back to their pursuits. Wade was fully engrossed in his current reading of Robinson Crusoe. Although Scarlett has endured a lengthy discussion with Ella about the characters in her book. No, Scarlett had not read The Little Mermaid, but yes The Little Match Girl did sound terribly sad– afterwards Ella had even read her a section from it. And Scarlett tried to seem interested and even affectionate as Ella haltingly read it. Then she proceeded to read "The World's Most Beautiful Rose." Scarlett nearly choked on the wish to have found the right rose to have saved Bonnie's life or Melanie's. Thankfully Ella finally decided to color, which was a much more engrossing activity, and Scarlett was again left to her thoughts.
Though a train was certainly one of the fastest ways to travel, she imagined that in the future travel would be faster in ways she wouldn't even imagine. She looked around and began watching the people around her. There was a family just down the aisle and across from her had very small children. They weren't being loud, but something about them just continued to draw her attention. There was a little girl of perhaps four or five years, her hair neatly pulled back in a dark blue bow that matched her dress to tame her springy dark curls, and a little boy who couldn't be more than two years old. He too was dark-headed with a slightly darker complexion than his sister. Scarlett found that she couldn't stop staring at them. It unnerved her that she couldn't take her eyes away from them. The little girl was quite bossy, but also very affectionate with her brother.
For a time they shared a seat and she cuddled him next to her. It was when they looked up that Scarlett's breath was taken away. The little girl's eyes were a piercing bright blue and the little boy's were a dark shade of brown, not quite as dark as Rhett's, but enough that she suddenly understood why she was so transfixed. They looked like she imagined Bonnie and the baby she'd lost would have looked together. She clasped her hands together and tried to focus on something else, anything else than the two children who reminded her of the ones she had lost. This was no way to be thinking while she was traveling to see Rhett. She needed to think of anything other than those faces. She turned her head and tried to watch out the windows. There was nothing interesting. The countryside was flying by. Then she felt a small hand patting her leg, and she jumped at the contact.
"Hi," The little boy she had been watching from across the train car chirped up at her. He grinned up at her with gleaming white teeth and his dark brown eyes, something innately mischievous about him.
"Hi," She returned in a voice that rose with a sudden squeak. He was a darling little thing, and he rubbed at her dress and fingered the trim, clearly fascinated at the texture.
"Pretty," he offered generously as he smiled up at her then ducked his head like he had just been reminded to not be quite so bold.
His sister suddenly appeared at his side. "Johnny, you're not apposed to talk to strangers," she scolded and tugged on his hand to head back in the direction they came from. "Come on."
Up close the girl's face was a little thinner than Bonnie's and her eyes a paler shade of blue, but the similarities were striking. "He's fine. He's not bothering me," she offered. And she couldn't help herself from engaging with them a little at least. "What's your name?"
"Rebecca Hope. And that's Johnny," she said pointing at her brother. Ella turned her attention away from her coloring and spoke to the girl, distracting her with the array of books and other items on the seat. "Do you want to color?" Ella offered generously. "I've got several books to color in. Mother bought them for me for the trip"
The little girl turned back to look in the direction of her seat, but no one seemed to have noticed that they had wandered away, and as close as the seats were, it would take no time to find them.
Nodding her assent, her face lit up as she climbed into the seat beside Ella. They fit perfectly in the seat together, and with their heads bent together in concentration, one ginger head and one raven head blending together, Scarlett was struggling even more to not lose her control. It was almost like having Bonnie back for a moment, and she was struggling not to cry. If anyone else was looking at the situation, if anyone didn't know of Bonnie's passing, they would simply take the pair for granted, though if it were Bonnie there would be arguing amongst the two girls, for they had been best friends and worst enemies.
The boy patted her leg again, "up!" he demanded. "Need you." And Scarlett couldn't resist holding him. She bit her lower lip to fight the tears. Wade looked up from his book and did a double take at the children who had joined them. "Mother?" he questioned.
She only nodded, not trusting her voice as the little boy snuggled into her arms. His warm, damp breath seeping through her clothes, as though she could feel the warmth reaching into her soul. But of course that was ridiculous. Why was she being so ridiculously sentimental? She couldn't fathom why this little boy had chosen her. She had never been someone that children flocked to, never been very interested in other little children even as a child. She hadn't played with baby dolls like her sisters had, always busy playing with the boys and doing things that earned Mammy's disapproval. But this was something she needed. There was something about this solid little body nestled in her arms that both soothed her soul and made her long for what she'd lost.
She could feel Wade's appraising glance, he was so quiet, so much of the time, but he was so observant. "He looks like a toddler version of Uncle Rhett," he offered lightly.
Again she simply nodded, but some of the tears slipped from her eyes unbidden, and she didn't have a handkerchief to wipe her face. She had always counted on Rhett to provide that. So she just hid her face and breathed in the soft clean baby scent of him. As the girls continued to chatter and color together, Scarlett nodded off with little John in her arms.
The light had changed in the car, the winter light outside fading, when she was awakened by the boy's mother. "I'm so sorry for the intrusion. They were supposed to stay with me, and I nodded off. I'm returning to see my parents for the holiday, and my husband was unable to travel with us, he'll be joining us in a few days." Her attention kept turning to Scarlett's dark clothing, "I'm so sorry."
Scarlett shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs from her mind. "They were fine. No problem at all. My daughter enjoyed having a playmate again." Ella and the little girl had curled up together as Ella and Bonnie used to do and were soundly sleeping like little kittens.
The woman took in her black clothing and nodded, "I'm sorry for your loss." she quickly surmised.
Scarlett grimaced, realizing that she had clearly let the other woman know about the loss of her child. And without even realizing that Ella was awake, Scarlett heard her say "she looks like my sister Bonnie." Ella uncurled and stretched as she continued. "But Bonnie died and went to Heaven and then Auntie Melly went to Heaven, and Uncle Rhett just went to Charleston, so we're going to see him for Christmas. It's not as far as heaven."
Scarlett's face turned ashen and then bright red. "Ella…" she stammered, but then couldn't continue with the stricken look on her daughter's face.
Ella stumbled on ahead. "I miss Bonnie. She was my best friend. She used to color with me, too. She couldn't stay inside the lines, either. But I was trying to teach her when she would play inside with me instead of riding Mr. Butler. He was a bad pony. I don't like ponies. They hurt people," Ella finished, looking more than a little nervous that she was going to be scolded for chattering too much.
"Ella," Wade cut in. "You're making Mother sad. We've talked about this." He seemed so mature as he tried to defuse the situation. It was difficult for Scarlett to wrap her head around the fact that he would very soon be turning 12. He was almost grown!
John stirred and stared sleepily at his mother and then held up his hands "Momma, hold you."
Clearly his mother understood his message, and she reached down and took him from Scarlett's arms. "Thank you for keeping an eye on them. It was kind of you. You can send Rebecca over when she wakes up." She started down the aisle, and then turned back, "I really am so sorry."
"They weren't a bother," Scarlett assured her, smiling wanly and rising from her seat. "Stay here," she instructed her children. "I need to stretch my legs."
Scarlett headed away from the sleepy little boy and his mother towards the women's lavatory. She shut the door behind her as soon as she could slip into the room, she splashed a little water on her face and looked at her reflection in the mirror. There were visible tear tracks, and it was a wonder that she hadn't frightened those children. She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly, trying to control her emotions. There was no use crying over spilled milk, she told herself. But then she began to sob. For all of the times she had needed to cry, when it would have been corporates to cry, when others looked down upon her for not crying, now it was released, and she held onto the water basin, struggling to keep herself from collapsing altogether. Her stays were pinching her sides and she struggled to catch her breath.
By the time Scarlett returned to her seat, she found that the train was slowing down. It had been years since she'd been to Charleston, but she recognized the countryside lowland with trees with Spanish moss hanging from them was fading away to be replaced by the city. Little Rebecca was back with her mother, and Wade and Ella quickly packed up their possessions to disembark. Whether she was ready or not, the time to face Rhett was upon her. She steeled her already frayed nerves for the coming confrontation.
Rhett would be sending someone to gather them and their bags and take them to his mother's house on the battery. She was sure that he would delay seeing them as long as possible, and she breathed in the salty air as she carefully stepped onto the platform. She had instructed the porter to deliver her bags, and Wade and Ella followed her.
She was only a few steps from the train when little hands grabbed at her again. Johnny had broken free of his mother's grasp and came running to her.
Rebecca was running behind him. " You're apossed to stay with me! Momma said she had to go back!" She scolded.
She pulled on his hand, and accidentally sent him tumbling to the ground. He lay there in stunned silence for a breath before he started wailing. Scarlett kneeled and gathered him up, checking his skinned palms. He threw his arms around her neck and clung to her, burying his face in her shoulder. And then Rebecca was crying. " I didn't mean to hurt him!" She sobbed. She leaned into Scarlett's side, and Scarlett used her free hand to rub circles on the girl's back. Wade and Ella stood protectively around them, shielding them from other passengers' intrusions.
"It's all right. He's just skinned his hands a little. You just have to be easier with him. He's just little." Scarlett gently reprimanded.
John pulled away and looked into her eyes. "You're all right." She reassured him, "You're so big and strong and tough."
He wiped at his eyes and nodded. "I'm big."
"Yes, you are. Now you both need to dry your eyes. No use crying."
The children's mother rushed up, apologizing again, barely allowing Scarlett to explain.
Then they were gone, so quickly Scarlett wondered if she had imagined the entire scene, if she was missing Bonnie so badly that she had made up the children in her mind to fill that empty void. She squared her shoulders, prepared for battle and she and Wade and Ella started towards the front of the station. She was startled to find Rhett standing only a few yards away looking at her as if he'd seen a ghost. And Scarlett knew that he'd seen the children, and it probably was harder on him than it had been on her.
Then Ella spotted him, and bridged the distance, flinging herself around him squealing, "Uncle Rhett! You came! I'm so excited to see you! The train ride was so awfully long, but there was a little girl that colored with me. It made it so much better to have someone to play with! Did you see her? She looked a lot like Bonnie. When I colored with her, I didn't miss Bonnie so much."
Rhett picked her up and hugged her back. She watched him before his mask of indifference slipped back into place, and he responded. "I missed you, Ella. You look so grown up! And you're seven now! I was so busy with work that I didn't make it back to Atlanta for your birthday." He tweaked the end of one of her curls.
Wade moved forward, "Hello, Uncle Rhett," he said a little shyly.
"Welcome to Charleston, Wade." Rhett tousled the boy's hair, and Wade grinned as he tried to smooth his hair back down. "Let's get your luggage from the porter, and we'll get it loaded into the carriage I've hired."
Scarlett's emotions were too raw to be the one to bridge the gap with her estranged husband, and she knew that he couldn't miss the redness of her eyes and the tear tracks on her face. She couldn't speak first, so she just looked up at him and he nodded at her. No affection, not an audible greeting, just a curt nod to acknowledge her presence. Her gaze dropped almost immediately. And Rhett turned and began directing the porter to the carriage, while Scarlett trailed behind him and the children. If this was an indicator of how the holiday was going to be, then possibly it would have been better to have stayed in Atlanta.