I wasn't sure if I was going to post again, let alone this story, but I feel like I want to post this even though I doubt it will get read much.

Last year, I suffered a big loss, and pretty much all my grief was shoved into this story (some of it was put into "Sacrifice" if you recall). I blended this story with some humor and romance, but prepare to reach for tissues. I was also inspired by the book The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot and the spinal injuries characters had in Breaking Bad and NCIS: LA. That being said, I'm not a doctor or from the US, so if I've got things/procedures/names of things wrong, I'm sorry. I use Google to help me with that sort of stuff. Also, they didn't directly label what the one character was sick with in the book I just referenced, so I'm not going to here either.

So, this story is going to be facing grief, loss, and death head on. You've been warned.

Feel free to let me know what made you laugh, cry, feel annoyed, etc. or what you loved, hated, were inspired by, reflected on etc. from what you've read.

To those grieving out there from any type of loss, you are not alone. If you feel alone, you can talk to me. I'll be there :)

Full Summary:

Greatly injured on a job, Lee Christmas is left with a tough road of recovery ahead of him. Bitter and angry, he meets AJ, who has a very positive outlook despite his terminal diagnosis. Emily Charlton is bitter and angry that her little brother is simply accepting his fate, and she most definitely wasn't about to open her heart to anyone ever again after her leech of an ex finally sodded off, certainly not to a grumpy man who smucked her with his wheelchair and claimed it was her fault. Through it all, however, they begin to discover they don't exactly want to suffer alone and that maybe, just maybe, their black hearts could find their way back to being red after all.

P.S. After seeing Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley act together, I couldn't stop picturing them as AJ and Naomi. I know I'm using Tom Holland as a character image in another story, but I couldn't picture anyone else for this; I tried! lol That being said, feel free to imagine them how you want :)

Here we go!

Fragmented memories. That's all Lee Christmas had to work with. Try as hard as he could, he couldn't fully remember what the hell had happened to him. He lay there, staring at the ceiling and counting the tiles. He knew exactly how many were in his room. He knew which one had a water stain, which one had a crack running through it, and which ones had an uneven amount of flecks on them.

Yes, he had a lot of time to stare at the ceiling.

He flexed his hands, curling them into fists and then uncurling them slowly. He didn't know how this could happen to him. It frustrated him that he couldn't remember where he'd gone wrong that landed him in this damn hospital bed.

"How are we feeling today, Mr. Christmas?" Nurse Martha asked as she brought him something to eat for supper. He turned his head to look at her, barely bringing up a little smile for her. Sometimes, he just didn't have the energy.

And sometimes, it was hard to smile at someone who could be a real grouch when she wanted to be.

"The same, Martha," he replied. "And please, call me Lee."

"I heard you're getting a roommate," Martha went on, setting the tray on his table and moving it closer to him.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Kind of a sad story, really, but his personality is quite bubbly regardless, which is impressive."

"You think he's gonna cheer me up, do you?" Lee asked, knowing that's where she was going with that. She gave a small smile and reached to squeeze his shoulder.

"We all know you could use some cheering up, dear," she said. He pressed his lips together, giving her a small nod. Martha was in her 60s, fit for her age, and sporting bright pink, short hair. She'd insisted she was expressing the age she really felt like: 25. Lee swore that it turned red when she got pissed off.

"Thanks," Lee said, gesturing to the food.

"You tell that Barney to bring you something better next time," Martha advised.

"I will."

She patted his shoulder and left him alone again, and he sighed, picking at his food. Barney Ross came to check on him often enough, but Lee knew he couldn't stop everything for him. He had a business to run after all.

He was sure sick of this God awful food, though.

About an hour later, he was half dozing when he heard people talking outside his room. He'd been fortunate for the last two weeks to be alone, but it would appear he was now getting a roommate. He wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine," a male voice said. Lee's ears perked at the British accent. This somehow made it a little more tolerable that his space was about to be invaded. Men weren't quite as chatty as women...most of the time.

"If you were fine, they wouldn't be keeping you here," a second voice said. Female. Also British. Lee kept his eyes shut to feign sleep, listening for tidbits about this newcomer.

"We all knew this was coming," the first voice said back.

"I know, but..." the female voice broke off, and soft cries could be heard not long after.

"Look, I meant what I said..."

"I'm not staying away," the second voice said indignantly. A loud sniff occurred after. "You can't keep me from coming to see you."

"What kind of life is that for you, though? I'll be alright here. I have my sister."

"You are not gonna die alone here," she cut him off.

"Okay, just...promise me that when it gets too hard, you stop coming," he said. It was quiet for a moment, and Lee was almost tempted to open his eyes, but he didn't. He was feeling curious about his roommate now. What was he dying from?

"It won't get too hard..."

"Naomi, it's gonna get really hard," he said softly. Naomi started to cry a bit harder, and Lee was wondering if this was going to be a daily occurrence for him. He really didn't do crying...not very well anyway.

"I love you, and I'm not leaving you," she insisted. "So there."

"Alright." A sigh. "We'll revisit it later."

"No..."

"Shh, come on...don't disturb my new roomie. I don't want him to hate me within five minutes of me being here."

"AJ..."

"Shh," AJ said again. "Can you call Emily? Let her know I moved rooms?"

"Okay."

The sound of someone kissing a forehead occurred, and then footsteps receded from the room. Lee waited a moment before opening his eyes and daring to turn his head a little to see who AJ was. He was shocked to see that his new roommate barely looked older than a kid. His dark brown hair was a bit tousled, and his dark brown eyes looked a little sad if you paid attention to it.

"Sorry about that," AJ said, catching Lee's look. "She's just having a really hard time with this."

"It's alright."

"I'm AJ, by the way."

"Lee."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"What are you in for?" AJ asked. Lee was studying him while pondering his answer. This kid looked mostly just tired but alright, so why were they saying he was dying?

"Spinal injury," Lee answered finally. He hated saying that out loud. He hated that he couldn't feel his left foot or leg and barely felt his right one, that his right hand would work and then not work out of the blue, or that he was stuck at the mercy of a nurse to get him out of bed. They said it was an incomplete spinal injury, so there was some hope that he could use his hand properly and walk and feel his legs and feet again, but he wasn't so sure if he was that lucky.

"That sucks," AJ said with a wince. "Are you, um...?"

"Sort of," Lee answered, knowing he was trying to ask if he was paralyzed. "I'm starting physiotherapy tomorrow."

"So there's hope?"

"Yea," Lee agreed. "I suppose so."

"That's good." AJ nodded slowly.

"What are you in for?" Lee dared to ask. He watched as AJ sucked his teeth and smiled a little.

"Let's just say I'm not going to be leaving here alive," he answered.

"I'm sorry. I can't help but notice you're young."

"20," AJ confirmed. "It's okay. I've been battling this for a while now. There's nothing else they can do, so they've just stuck me here for now until my light is snuffed out."

"I have to admit, I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to death like that, especially at your age."

"I have this tendency to make things lighter or funnier than they are," AJ admitted. "It's how I cope, really. My sister hates it."

"I bet she does."

AJ smiled a little and fluffed his pillow behind him before getting comfortable. Lee studied him a bit more, and he now saw the hollowness in the boy's cheeks and how thin he looked. He swallowed. It made him feel really bad.

The girl came back, and Lee took in her tearstained face and red eyes. Her hair was almost white blonde and just to her chin. She was pretty despite looking so distraught.

"Did you get her?" AJ asked.

"Yea. She's coming."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Do you need anything?"

"No. Hey, this is Lee," AJ said to her, gesturing. "Lee, this is Naomi. My girlfriend."

"Nice to meet you," Lee replied.

"Uh huh," Naomi said before turning back to AJ. "I still think you should be at home."

"I'm too tired to get into that again," AJ said to her. "Don't you have a job interview?"

"I can move it."

"No, you're not," AJ said firmly. "You gotta live your live, Naomi."

"How can I live my life when you..." she trailed off, crying again. Lee wished he was invisible. He wished he wasn't witnessing this. Thankfully, it was time to go to the lounge area. It was an outing he looked forward to instead of staring at the damn ceiling all day. Unfortunately, he was at the mercy of whoever was around to help him get into his chair. He'd tried on his own once and fallen on his ass very unceremoniously, earning himself a tongue lashing from Martha he'd never forget. He'd never admit it, but she scared him a little.

"You all settled?" Martha asked as she waltzed in. AJ nodded.

"Yea. Yvonne is coming to check on me soon."

"Good. She's filled me in on everything, so I'll be assisting as well."

"Cool."

"This is just a temporary spot for you until a bed opens up in hospice, which will hopefully be soon."

"I'm dying to get in there," AJ replied, his lips twitching. Naomi smacked his arm while Martha chortled.

"I'm glad you still have a sense of humor, son," she said.

"Something's gotta keep me going."

Naomi bent down to say something into AJ's ear, so this left Martha's full attention onto Lee next.

"Alright, Mr. Christmas," Martha said cheerily, going to his chair in the corner.

"Lee," he corrected, feeling annoyed.

"Let's get you up and out, shall we?"

He said nothing as she brought his wheelchair over and helped him out of bed and onto it. He felt like such an invalid, even though he was pulling himself with the handle attached to the ceiling to help out.

"I got it," he said when she tried to push him in the chair. He gave her a look over his shoulder, and she pulled her hands back from the handles and gave a small smile.

"Sorry," she said. "Habit."

"See you in a bit," Lee advised, pushing himself out of the room and down the hall. He would never admit that his arms still burned from the effort or that his right hand would freeze up and he had to wait it out before it could work again. He knew his muscles would soon adapt to the pushing. He just wanted them to do it faster. He was almost to his destination when a brown haired woman came from nowhere and ended up directly in his path.

"Argh!" she exclaimed as he knocked into her before he could stop. She pitched forward, and he managed to catch her before she landed on her face, but this made it so that she was practically in his lap—well, actually, right in his lap. She clutched him tightly while looking into his eyes, her face inches from his.

"Geez, you okay?" he asked.

"No," she retorted, trying to disentangle herself from him. Lee was feeling very grouchy now. It was bad enough he was stuck in this thing; he didn't need people running into him because they were oblivious to him.

"How about you watch where you're going next time?" he suggested.

"You're saying this is my fault?" she asked, incredulous.

"I had the right of way, yes," he retorted.

"How about you control your ride better," she shot back. Pissed now, he intentionally moved forward to bang into her knee, and she exclaimed and gave him a furious look back.

"You're in my way," he growled. She gave him the finger as she turned and marched off down the hall to her destination. He shook his head, feeling aggravated as he finally got to his spot in the lounge. He liked his back corner. He could survey everyone and everything while being in the shadows.

Unfortunately, he couldn't stop thinking about how his heart had fluttered when that woman had been in his lap, though, or how she too had a British accent.

...

Emily Charlton was feeling incredibly aggravated. She hoped she never saw that horrible man ever again. Her shin was killing her from where he'd rammed her, and her heart was racing from her spill and from noticing that Sourpuss was also quite good looking. She gave her head a shake. She did not have time for men, not since the last one had stolen five years from her life before she realized he was planning on mooching off of her forever. Her father had brought it up more than once that Dan should have been working, and Emily had just fluffed it off and fluffed it off until reality smacked her in the face hard and fast. She couldn't support a leech, especially one who liked to be drunk or stoned most of the time...not on her salary.

She rounded the corner and found the room she was looking for. She walked in, her heart twisting at the sight of her younger brother in a hospital bed in hospital attire. It was horrifying. Emily had had enough of death and dying after their mother passed away five years ago. She'd never thought her brother would get struck down in his prime. He was only 20. He was what her parents had teased as a "whoops" baby since he was thirteen years younger than her, and he was definitely supposed to live past 100.

"Hey," she said softly, her anger towards Sourpuss fading now. "How are you?"

"Good," AJ answered, shifting his legs. "Naomi's just gone for her job interview. She'll be back."

"Okay." Emily wasn't sure what to make of Naomi. The girl was a few years older than AJ, but she seemed nice. It didn't appear that Naomi liked Emily too much, but that was because Emily had been away for too long and not involved, so maybe she was just judgmental about that. If Emily was honest, she'd stayed away because it was too hard to watch her brother endure all his medical procedures. She knew that was cowardly, which was why she was trying to make up for it now. She really regretted the lost time.

"You don't have to come here," AJ said, looking at her. "I'm serious. It's okay. I know how hard it was on you to watch Mum die, and I don't want to do that to you again."

Emily looked at him, knowing he was giving her an out, but she was going to be braver this time.

"No," she said firmly. "I'm here, so get used to it."

"If it gets too hard, please stop coming," AJ said. "Please?"

"Okay," she lied. She knew he was putting on a brave face, but inside, he was scared. Emily knew this because whenever he'd talked about death before going into the hospital, he'd gotten upset. For some reason, in here, he was braver about it outwardly.

"What did you get up to today?" AJ asked, patting the space next to him on the bed. She went over to sit there, her hand reaching to take his. She forced a smile.

"It was tiring, but it was also productive."

"You and Andy are giving Miranda a run for her money still, I hope."

"For now," Emily replied. She and Andy had teamed up to do a bridal magazine where Emily focused on the fashion piece and Andy did the story/journalism piece. So far, it was going well. Emily had poached Nigel from Runway, and he was doing a lot behind the scenes that she didn't think she could every repay him for. His friendship was meaningful to both her and Andy, and they hoped he stuck around forever.

"How's Gus?" AJ asked, and Emily felt the lump in her throat suddenly. AJ's little dog was depressed from missing his owner. Gus was a Terrier mix that AJ had stumbled upon somewhere and adopted. Emily didn't like to admit that she thought Gus was very cute as she liked to keep up the facade that she didn't get moved by things, but Gus slept with her every single night now that AJ was gone.

"He's okay," Emily answered.

"He's not too sad is he?"

"A little," she admitted. "I'm walking him and trying to keep him entertained, though."

"Thank you. And thank you for sending pictures."

"Anytime."

Emily sat there for a bit longer, talking about this and that. When she was finally getting ready to leave, she found herself watching Sourpuss himself rolling into the room. Upon catching sight of her, he jerked to a stop. She noticed his right hand shaking a bit as if the effort of pushing himself had been too much.

"Oh, hey!" AJ said happily. "Lee, this is my sister, Emily. Em, this is Lee. He's my roommate."

"Oh," Emily said, staring at Lee, who was giving her an even stare back.

"Nice to meet you," Lee said finally, and she understood that he was going to pretend their little interaction earlier didn't happen. Emily was fine with that.

"You as well," she replied. She turned to look at her brother, who had an almost gleam to his eyes. She knew what that meant. AJ, despite being on his literal deathbed, was going to try and set her up with Lee.

Oh, hell no.

"I gotta go," she told him. "I'll see you later. Call if you need me."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye." Emily started to walk away, giving Lee a wide berth. She tightened her grip on her bag over her shoulder as he watched her leave. Once she was in the hallway, she felt herself feeling different things inside...things she was trying to shake off.

Like how Lee's hazel eyes had made her feel as though he understood exactly what she was going through.

...

"So," AJ said, making Lee look at him once Emily was gone. "That's my sister."

"She seems nice," Lee replied, recalling how Emily had moved her middle finger in a slow circle as she'd backed up before walking away from him last time. He didn't want to admit that he'd liked her sass. He'd always liked a woman who could handle herself.

"Yea, but she can be a total pain too," AJ added, making Lee scoff slightly.

"You don't say?"

"Hey, she's 13 years older than me," AJ said with a shrug. "I didn't get to know her as a kid. She was always annoyed with me, and then she was busy with work to the point she starved herself. Then our mum died, she dumped her loser boyfriend, and I got sick, so she's been really struggling with coping through all of this by herself."

Lee took all that information in, and he instantly picked up that AJ had made sure that he knew Emily was older, single, and struggling with grief and could use a shoulder to lean on.

Interesting.

"Do you need help?" AJ asked as Lee worked to get himself back into the bed.

"Nope," Lee answered, lying. He wasn't supposed to do this by himself, but he didn't care. He was not an invalid, especially now that he had an audience. It was his ego kicking in, he knew it. He could pull himself into his own bed for God's sake...

"MISTER Christmas!" Martha hollered, making him jump. "What are you doing?!"

"Bloody hell," he muttered. He was halfway there, his face pressed into the mattress as his good hand reached over to haul himself up and his other was under him ready to push and pivot himself...if it could, in fact, do it without giving out on him. He was going to reach for that handle next.

"I have told you that you mustn't get in or out of bed without a nurse present!" Martha barked, going over to him. Lee said nothing as she maneuvered him around and got him back into bed. He gritted his teeth, feeling useless all over again.

"Don't get into cahoots with him," Martha warned AJ. "He needs to realize his limits right now."

"Yes, ma'am," AJ said with a nod. Martha gave Lee a scolding look before leaving to attend to someone else. Lee released a heavy sigh once she was gone.

"I can't imagine losing my legs," AJ said a moment later. "That must be really frustrating."

"It is."

"Were you a very active person before this? I feel like you are," AJ said, tilting his head at him. Lee appreciated that he said "are" and not "were." Being active was not a thing of the past for him. Not yet.

"Very active," Lee confirmed.

"How did you get hurt?"

"Bullet hit my spine," Lee answered.

"Whoa," AJ said, shocked. "You got shot?!"

"Comes with the job," Lee advised.

"What job? Are you a cop?"

"Nope."

"A spy?"

"Nah." Lee laughed now. He couldn't help it. It was too funny to see the boy's face look so eager.

"Military?"

"Back in the day," Lee confirmed. He didn't want to admit it, but he was finding himself enjoying having the company. Being alone in here for so long was driving him mad.

"But not currently?

"No."

"Hmm," AJ said, stroking his chin as he looked thoughtful. "Wrong place, wrong time?"

"Sort of."

"You are not making this easy for me."

"Not at all," Lee agreed, smiling a little. AJ scoffed and went back to thinking hard. He snapped his fingers after a moment.

"CIA," he said proudly.

"Not quite."

"But you do jobs for them. Are you a Nobody?" AJ asked excitedly. Lee knew what a Nobody was. They were the last person anyone ever wanted to see.

"No," Lee answered.

"Hitman?"

"Eh," Lee said, wavering his hand. He saw AJ look at his arm then, taking in the tattoo. Lee was grateful they let him wear his own t-shirts and sweat pants in here instead of making him wear a stupid hospital gown 24/7. Actually, it was more him throwing a hissy fit and Martha finally caving because she couldn't waste anymore time arguing with him about it. It was disconcerting to have a breeze up his backside whenever he walked, and he was tired of flashing people. He was doing rehab anyhow, not going into any surgeries or anything like that. He'd fought for his clothes, and he'd won (although later he'd been told it was no big deal, which had been aggravating because that meant Martha had just been being a real arsehole).

But...having his own clothes somehow counteracted the embarrassment from things Martha had to do in order to look after him...barely.

"That's a brand," AJ said now, gesturing with his head towards Lee's tattoo. "You're a part of a team or something."

"I am."

"You the leader?"

"Pfft," Lee scoffed. "Second in command."

"Mercenary," AJ said now, snapping his fingers again. "Right? Huh? Huh?"

"You got me," Lee replied, a small smile on his lips.

"Yes!" AJ fist pumped. "That's so cool. What's your specialty?"

"Knives."

"Sweet," AJ said, grinning. "Where are you from?"

"Shirebrook. Then New Orleans."

"We're originally from London," AJ advised. "Then Emily came over here to work, and Mum missed her too much, so we followed."

"Big change for you," Lee noted.

"It was. Even more so when Mum died."

This took Lee by surprise, and it made him feel even sadder for AJ. He could tell it still impacted him just by the mention of her.

"How long ago?" Lee asked softly.

"Five years."

"I'm sorry."

"These things happen," AJ stated simply, making it clear he didn't want to talk about it further. "So how did you get from New Orleans to New York?"

"I was told there was a better program here," Lee answered. "It sucks, though, because my team is in New Orleans, but they come say hey sometimes."

"I hope you get out of here soon."

"Yea, me too," Lee agreed. AJ looked exhausted suddenly, and Lee noticed a bit of a grey tinge to his skin now.

"Maybe get some rest," he suggested.

"I think I might."

"I'll be here when you wake up," Lee promised, and AJ gave a small smile.

"Thanks for listening," he said. "And I really do hope that you get to walk again one day."

"Me too."

AJ turned onto his side, getting comfortable, and Lee heard him fall asleep within minutes. He lay there thinking about this kid (even though he was 20, Lee thought of him as a kid still) and it really bothered him to know that he was going to be gone one day soon.

Naomi came back a bit later, and Lee watched her come in quietly, observe AJ sleeping, and kiss him on the forehead gently before leaving again. As much as Lee didn't want to admit it, he wished he had someone who cared about him like that.