Jyn's heart was beating wildly in her chest. The two figures were shortening the distance quickly and she could hardly believe her eyes. She'd imagined that same scene many times, but whereas in her imagination she'd run to Cassian and jumped into his arms, the reality was much more paralyzing and awkward. Her legs felt as if they were made of lead and glued to the ground, and her mind went momentarily blank.
The tall figure beside him must be K-2SO, the droid friend he'd talked about in previous messages. It seemed that Cassian had managed to capture and reprogram a KX droid and they'd become inseparable unless a mission ruled out Kay's presence because it would have been strange or suspicious.
Then a lot of questions assaulted her at once. Why had he finally come to see her after five years apart? Why had he remained silent for so long? They'd agreed that, if something truly dangerous or life-threatening happened to him which prevented him entirely from contacting her and keeping her updated, then his sister or his friends would get in touch with her. That was how she'd known that he was alive and well, because otherwise his sister, Kerri, or one of his friends whom she'd met on Ferrix, would have conveyed the news through Peg, and, to Jyn's immense relief, that hadn't been the case. That was the reason why she hadn't panicked too much (or at least she had been able to keep her worries reasonably at bay) at his lengthy silence. She'd checked with Peg once a month and every time she'd exhaled a shuddering breath, between a disheartening disappointment and a doubtful relief. Disappointment because Cassian hadn't updated her on his latest developments, and relief because, paradoxically, the silence meant that he was okay.
But even so, he might have contacted sometime, it's been nearly a year, surely he could have made time for sending a simple message through someone, the twisted small voice inside her complained, and she shushed it internally. It wasn't easy for Kerri either to go out of her way, because she, like her brother, was devoted to the rebel cause up to the elbows. And as to Bix and Brasso, since they'd got married and moved away from the Rebellion with the droid Bee, Jyn had lost track of them. Cassian had told her the last time he'd left a message that they'd moved to Naboo temporarily under false identities, but at present, after such a long time had passed, they might be anywhere else.
Either Cassian had been very busy in long-term missions for the Rebellion, or besides, on top of all that, he'd met somebody with whom he'd bonded romantically. That hurt a lot to think about but, as long as he was happy, Jyn could come to terms with the fact that she and Cassian were simply not meant to be together, and then she one day might stop fantasizing about things that would never happen.
Cassian and the tall KX droid were already in full sight, heading towards her determinedly, and she was still glued to the ground under her feet, unable to react. There was a tentative smile on the human's face, as if he doubted how to deal with her after five years since the last time they saw each other, and almost a year of silence on his part.
When the man and the droid were close enough, they stopped their advance and for some seconds, everyone remained awkwardly silent. All words, all greetings had left her brain and she could only stare at him in uncertainty.
"Jyn," Cassian said at last, very softly, and her heart melted at the sound of his voice, which she'd missed so much. "I'm very sorry for having taken so long, but this last year has been very difficult at work, a true nightmare, and I couldn't contact anyone outside of the Rebellion, and even contacting the Rebellion was a great risk." He didn't look into her eyes as he said that, so Jyn sensed that there were things that were eating at him, things he felt guilty about, or terribly uncomfortable. She understood that, being an Intelligence spy, he did things he wasn't authorized to talk about to anyone who didn't possess the clearance for it. That is, no one apart from his superiors in rank. But he shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty in front of her for what he did in the line of duty, should he? All in all, he was doing his duty, wasn't he? Then why couldn't he look her directly in the eyes? Was it so terrible, whatever he had to do? What was the Rebellion doing to him?
Up close, he looked a bit worse for wear. His expression lines were more pronounced, there were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to have aged quite more than the past five years. His appearance was that of a person a bit haunted and, most of all, tired.
That realization disturbed her even more. He was obviously suffering and he gave the impression of bearing a heavy burden upon his shoulders. He was no more the young man she'd met on Morlana One.
"I understand, Cassian," she tried to appease. Her own worries were nothing compared to what he must have gone through, so she shouldn't let her selfishness get the better of her. "You don't have to explain anything."
He then looked up into her eyes at last. "I know I don't have to, and I wish I could erase this last year, " he assured, sighing. "Let's just say that my last mission wasn't... pleasant."
In that moment, the droid next to Cassian decided to make his presence even more obvious. The truth was that Jyn had hardly payed him any attention, because all her attention had been drawn to his human partner. "Given that none of you feels inclined to show politeness or to at least pretend to notice that I'm here, I'll do the introductions myself. Hello, Jyn Erso. I'm K-2SO." Jyn's eyes opened wide and her heart gave a lurch. How does he know my true identity? Then that means that Cassian knows as well. I bet that's why they're here, because of my surname. So much for hoping that Cassian would come here because he truly missed me. She suddenly felt incredibly stupid.
"Kay!," Cassian admonished sharply. "We told about this. You said you'd let me introduce the topic of her real surname, you traitor."
"Well, since in my estimation you might take most of the rest of the day to tell her, or even more, assuming that you really would have been able to overcome your scruples between today and tomorrow, I've decided to take action and spare us the lost time," Kay replied, deadpan.
"Tell me what?," Jyn asked angrily, getting defensive and allowing her walls to close ranks around her. All that was beginning to feel like another betrayal, one more of the many she'd been submitted to throughout her life. She'd been a complete fool to expect otherwise.
Cassian raised his hands, with his palms facing her in an offer of peace, and spoke in a soothing tone. "The Rebellion has found out who you are, Jyn. But it's for a matter of life and death."
"How long? How long have you known?," she snapped, making an effort to control her fury.
"Just two weeks. It's the truth. Before that, I had no idea." He lowered his hands slowly, as if fearing that she might attack like a wounded animal. "May we speak anywhere else, where we aren't so exposed?"
Jyn was tempted to leave them hanging in the middle of nowhere, but she remembered that he'd said something about a matter of death and life. Even if it was just a bluff to trick her, she was already down the rabbit hole, so it was impossible to look much more stupid than she already did. "Among those trees over there. We'll be hidden from the path," she offered tersely, pointing at the place. She didn't feel like inviting the newcomers to her home, to her private space. If they'd come to Takodana exclusively at the service of the Rebellion, and not as friends, then they hadn't earned the necessary level of trust (or it would be better to say that Cassian was on his way to losing it).
Cassian flinched almost imperceptibly, seemingly having noticed her sudden distrust and defensiveness. It was evident that he'd learned how to school his features in order not to display his emotions easily. One more proof that this was Cassian the rebel, not Cassian the friend (if there has ever been truly a friendship on his part, her mean inner voice whispered. Somewhere, in the depths of her hurt soul, she was aware that she was exaggerating and that he must have very serious reasons for being on Takodana, but she couldn't bring herself to care much at the time being).
Without another word, she turned around and strode to the secluded space among the trees and shrubbery, and the other two followed her. She heard a heavy sigh leaving loudly Cassian's lips. Good. At least he's got the message that he's behaving like an insensitive asshole.
Once hidden from view, she turned to them once again and crossed her arms over her chest, waiting in hostile silence.
"Jyn, I never had the intention of being nosy. It's all been an unfortunate coincidence. When I discovered the truth, I was dumbstruck. How many probabilities there were? One in thousands, in millions, that it would be precisely you?," Cassian tried to explain.
"Yeah, indeed. Too much of a coincidence to be believable." She couldn't help the cutting and harsh tone.
He looked hurt at the insinuation, but it was as if he'd been expecting her reaction. Well, he'd better should have, because what did he expect? For her to jump in joy about the fact that he and his cronies had stuck their noses in her personal business, so they could call the shots and extort her?
"Jyn, listen to me, please. This isn't what you think. It's about your father, yes, but for a very alarming reason. We've received intel that he's helping build a weapon of mass destruction, a planet destroyer. If we confirm the veracity of the reports, we should remove that weapon before the Empire puts it to use," Cassian explained hastily, as if fearing that she'd simply leave him and Kay standing there like fools before he'd finished his speech.
Jyn's rage gave way to fear in a matter of seconds. Papa, please, tell me it isn't true. Tell me that you'd never be an accomplice in such a monstrosity.
But fifteen years were too much time into the clutches of the Empire. She had to admit to herself that she didn't know him any more. The huge heart of the man who had hugged her and had said I love you, Stardust before being taken by Krennic might have died with Lyra on the dark sands of Lah'mu, the day the Erso family was shattered forever.