Shinji surfaces gently, a cork bobbing to the surface of a vast tranquil sea. He doesn't sit up right away, instead opting to lie still and gaze at the ceiling. It's nearly lost to murky darkness, illuminated only by a faint greenish glow. A metal lattice stretches across the half of it nearest to the wall, fading into the dimness. The noise of engines surrounds him. He feels a deep rumbling through the seat pressing against his back, shaking his bones. This scene has become familiar. It takes him a moment to remember where he is. On an aerial Eva transport, somewhere over the vast Pacific.
In the cockpit, a radio chatters away. He catches snatches of Japanese here and there, mixed in with what might be English and what might be German and other words he can't put a name to. "Cleared for landing," he makes out, and the transport shudders imperceptibly as it begins to tilt to the left.
Landing? Shinji thinks, and sits up. Out the window is a vast black sea, and in the center of it, almost right below him, is a collection of lights, twinkling in the dark. There aren't very many of them, and they seem to be huddled together, as if for protection. He frowns. His ears begin to pop.
Shinji's not sure he'll ever get used to flying. Before becoming an Eva pilot, he'd never even been on an airplane. He'd never even left the country. He sighs. Once upon a time his world had been confined to a few square miles in the suburbs outside Atami, his days filled with school and his evenings filled with homework and his weekends filled with chores and lying listlessly on his back with his headphones in his ears or his hands on his cello. As he got older, his teacher was home less and less. More often than not, the little house where he passed most of his days stood silent and empty, save for Shinji moving quietly through it like a ghost. Some days he'd hold his hand up in a patch of sunlight, as if daring it to pass through.
And then the letter came. It brought a flash of rage, bright and hot and solid. He wasn't going to come at first. His father could rot for all he cared. But the morning found him packing a bag and walking to the train station. And then his life pivoted on its axis and changed forever.
His previous existence feels almost like a foreign country, thinking of it now. It's bittersweet. It means he's not quite the same person he used to be, and it happened by complete accident. The thought vaguely unsettles him. He's since fought and killed seven Angels in seven different countries, all thousands of kilometers apart. In the intervals between fights, he managed to make friends, or at least people who were interested in interacting with him on a regular basis. His gaze darts to his pack and the small camera Kensuke had gifted him inside it. He'd promised both him and Toji that he'd take lots of pictures while on his deployments. But it's too dark for a picture now. He doesn't even know where he is, or whether the growing collection of lights represents anything interesting for his friends back home.
The pilot says words in English over the radio. Shinji watches as the transport touches down and taxis to a stop. There isn't much he can see outside the white-hot glare of the floodlights besides tarmac and equipment. Technicians scurry around like insects. A hose is dragged from the darkness and beneath the plane, out of sight. Shinji glances toward the cockpit. The pilot has sagged in his seat. Warm orange light flares briefly, and then a few moments later the smell of cigarettes begins to fill the cabin, strong and bitter. Shinji fights the urge to cough and swallows a grimace. He doesn't understand why adults do that; nothing about smoking seems pleasant. It might be a good idea to leave for a while.
He opens his bag. It's a heavy thing, longer than his torso and filled to the brim with emergency winter supplies. Each of the pilots got one, and they were instructed to take it with them into their Evas in case of emergency. Their destination was high in the mountains of South America, where snow still fell. The chances of anything going wrong were low, Misato said, but better safe than sorry. Shinji doesn't want to take the whole thing down with him. The camera goes around his neck. His radio gets clipped to his belt, because the last time he forgot it he got an earful from Misato. He's not eager to repeat the experience.
"Excuse me," he says. "Why have we stopped?"
The pilot doesn't turn around. "Not enough fuel," he mutters. "Stuff's more expensive than it used to be, and there's not a lot of it. Still got half an ocean to go."
Shinji fights back a cough. "May I get down and stretch my legs?"
The man peers over his shoulder at him. His eyes are tired. The cigarette, lit and smoking, hangs loosely from his lips. He eyes him for a few moments, and then his gaze is broken by a truly impressive yawn.
"Sure, kid," he says, replacing the cigarette in his mouth. "Just don't wander too far. They'll have my ass if I lose ya."
Shinji nods, and then turns around, heading to the exit.
A wave of hot, humid air crashes into him as he opens the door. He grimaces. They dressed him in thick cargo pants and a long sleeved thermal shirt. He rolls up the sleeves, already beginning to sweat.
The way down to the ground is a long ladder. He remembers how scared he was the first time he climbed one, and exhales a chuckle, carefully lowering himself down the rungs. These days it's routine. He's climbed these ladders to the point it's given him calluses on his palms and a bit more strength in his limbs. Another inadvertent change.
There's a distinct smell of seawater in the air, mixed with the harsh scents of jet fuel and what might be heated metal. Still better than the smell of smoke. His boots touch the ground, and he looks up. The vast, hulking mass of his Eva hangs suspended above him, inert for the time being. It still startles him sometimes, especially when he can see all of it at once. He of all people is the one who sits in its cockpit and controls it. The hollow eye sockets glare down at him. No light shines from within their depths, but he can't quite shake the feeling of being watched. It's always like that around the Eva. He thinks of a bright green eye, bubbling up from a rift of pink flesh. Staring straight into his.
He drops his gaze. People are calling out to each other in a flurry of languages, hurrying all around him. He figures it's best to get out of their way. He looks around. At the edge of the tarmac, one lonely halogen lamp illuminates a path that disappears into the dimness. It's not terribly far away. He trots towards it. Gravel crunches under his boots. Soon enough the path curves to run parallel to a railing. A little ways down, another lonely light illuminates a weathered-looking bench and a single palm tree beside it, fronds rustling in the breeze. Shinji slows down once he reaches the little island of light and walks up to the railing in front of the bench. He hasn't wandered too far; he's within sight of the runway. A brisk breeze from the ocean carries the sounds of noise and bustle away from him. He takes a deep breath. The air is a bit muggy but otherwise fresh. It's peaceful here, or as peaceful as one can hope for in a place like this.
Just beyond his feet, the land ends abruptly, a sheer cliff sloping down to water that stretches beyond the horizon, glittering gently in the moonlight. The moon is bright enough that he can see the blocky silhouettes of ruined buildings jutting up above the waves like broken teeth. It looks like some city was there, once, drowned before he was born. It reminds him of Japan, of home. He begins to do stretches, groaning as his travel-weary muscles are put through their paces.
"Hey! Dummkopf!"
He flinches at the shrill voice. It pierces the quiet like a javelin. When he turns around, Asuka is striding towards him, backlit by floodlights. He can tell just by the way she's walking that she's not happy. She's talking rapidly into her radio. "Ich habe - mmh. I found him, Misato. Ja, he's a little ways off the tarmac, by a bench in the weeds. Ja, he's fine. Nein, I don't know why he's not answering his radio."
Asuka arrives beside him. She shoots him a glare and then flicks him hard, straight between the eyebrows. He grimaces and rubs the sore spot.
"Ow, Asuka, what was that for?"
She snatches his radio from his belt. "O mein Gott, I can't believe this. You didn't even turn the stupid thing…he didn't even turn the stupid thing on, Misato! Why did you even have it off in the first place? Are you s…stu…"
She trails off, suddenly caught by a tremendous yawn. It seems to take a lot out of her. She flips his radio on and shoves it into his hands. It immediately starts squawking in Misato's voice. Shinji sighs.
"Shinji! What did I say about keeping your radio on at all times?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again."
Beside him, Asuka snorts. He glares back.
"It better not, or else I'll have to see about disciplinary measures. We can't lose track of you, Shinji, you're one of our most important assets."
"Yes, ma'am. Um, by the way…where are we?"
"Hawaii, Shinji. We're just here for a little bit to refuel, so head back to the transport soon, okay?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Asuka has flopped down on the bench, her head sagging against the top of the backrest. She peers down her nose at him. "Look, I completely get why you'd turn that thing off. But she was freaking out because you hadn't answered for hours and hours, and it woke meup, and I made the mistake of telling her to shut up so she sent me out to look for you. Just me. God forbid we disturb Miss Perfect's beauty rest."
"Sorry," says Shinji.
"No you're not."
Asuka's dressing-down is subdued, the usually crisp, impeccable edges of her Japanese sloping downward into the valleys of her native tongue. It only happens when she's tired. He's had the opportunity to hear that particular voice often from her these days.
"Where's the Angel now?" he asks.
"Mm. Somewhere over the Atlantic, I think. Don't you pay attention?"
"I was asleep."
"So was I. That's no excuse."
Shinji quirks an eyebrow. "What, you can listen to the radio in your sleep?"
"Yeah," says Asuka, without skipping a beat. "I'm an elite pilot, and also a genius."
She probably just radioed Misato. "Whatever you say."
She kicks his shin. He yelps, more out of surprise than any real pain. They subside into silence. Asuka's eyes have slid shut. Shinji watches her out of the corner of his eye. She always looks so young like that, her face serene and not all twisted up in the middle of some fierce expression. She's wearing boots and cargo pants and a long-sleeved thermal tucked in, the same as he is. Her hair isn't pinned up by her A-10 connectors, instead falling loosely about her face. It looks almost gold in the sodium glow of the streetlamp. A strange color. A strange girl from a strange land.
She's very brave. Very smart. Very pretty, too. He looks away from her and back over the ocean.
After another minute or so, Asuka gets to her feet and stretches. "Come on. Nice as it is to be off the stupid plane, it's too hot out here. Let's head back. I don't want to hear Misato's voice again until we're in South America."
She starts walking. He follows behind her a few paces. Her hair sways in the wind. She does not look back.
/
They barely make it. Shinji is watching white-crusted crags flash by beneath him, distorted by a blanket of clouds, when Hyuga starts shouting over the comms that they've confirmed a visual, 25,000 meters in the air. The transports sink as low as they can without scraping their underbellies on the mountain peaks and drop the Eva units before rocketing back into the sky.
Shinji takes off running as soon as Unit-01 hits the ground and immediately almost stumbles. This high up, the snow on the mountains is thick, and the slope is steep and unforgiving. Around him is a wasteland of jagged rocks and white nothingness. He tastes electric, choking terror for a moment, even through the LCL. But he gathers himself, focuses the fear, pushes through it. Failure is simply not an option. The Eva sails over deep valleys studded with the remains of once-mighty glaciers, climbs up ridges as if they were nothing more than ramps, causes avalanches of snow to slide with it down the mighty mountain flanks. Every landing makes the ground rumble. Shinji's sync rate is high enough as to allow him to feel the insistent pressure of the wind, buffeting his strong armored shoulders, but the Eva slices through it with as much regard for its whims as a boulder has for a rushing river.
He sees the Angel before Misato's shout confirms it over the comm. Troublingly, her voice breaks up about halfway through, but Shinji doesn't have too much time to think about it. The Angel is coming down over a peak, and he barely manages to climb it and turn his AT field up to maximum power before the thing is on him. He lifts his arms over his head and can't quite stop the yell that escapes his mouth. The Angel is enormous, at least ten times the length of his Eva, if not more, and he is the only thing stopping it from making contact with the rock beneath him. His knees nearly buckle as his feet are forced into the ground. His ears pop. He can barely feel his hands gripping the control yokes, but his arms are a mass of pain, throbbing and burning beneath the weight of a burden they were never meant to bear. Ayanami shouts something over the comm, garbled and pixelated, and Asuka shouts something back. A moment later, he feels the pressure lighten somewhat. "DO IT!" he screams.
"EAT THIS!" Asuka shouts, and then the pressure is gone as the Angel's AT field abruptly winks out. The three Evas are enfolded in darkness for one, two, three heartbeats, and then the world goes white and he's sent flying. He narrowly avoids biting his tongue off when he hits the ground, gagging on the taste of blood that fills his mouth. The display in front of him flickers once before restoring itself, and he flinches at the blinding daylight that suddenly streams in. He seems to have landed in a shallow valley. Several meters away from him, Asuka's red Unit-02 is sprawled against the snow like a bloodstain. He makes the Eva sit up, wincing. Ayanami's Unit-00 is nowhere to be seen.
"Shinji? Asuka? Rei?" Misato asks. "Listen to me very closely. None of you have much time. Shinji, Asuka, move your Evas so they're lying on their sides facing each other. Rei, do the same thing. Don't-"
Her voice vanishes abruptly. Shinji frowns and gets to his feet. Across from him, Asuka does the same.
"Misato, you're cutting out," Asuka says. There's less than a minute of power remaining. Shinji swallows.
" - hear me now?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Scoop out some snow between your Evas and put the hand over the top. This will have to be -"
Her voice vanishes again. Asuka's Eva is already lying on its side, its elbow resting on its torso and its hand partially embedded in the snow. Shinji mirrors its position, placing Unit-01's hand on top of Unit-02's.
"- can't stay in the Eva because you will freeze. Once you've done that, eject the plug and vent the LCL and change…clo…your packs. Stay in the shelter. A blizzard…can't…pretty bad…py?"
Shinji ejects the plug. Once the LCL drains, he wastes no time opening his pack. He digs until he finds the towel. He hastily depressurizes his plugsuit and dries off as much as possible before ripping open the vacuum-sealed packages of clothing. He dresses quickly. He doesn't know how they managed to fit so many layers in there. Once his coat is on, he shoulders his pack and steps outside.
The cold hits him like a whip across the face. He feels it even through all his layers. It takes his breath away. Never before had he felt anything like it in his life. The wind buffets him, nearly causing him to fall. His eyes water. He gropes for the goggles around his neck and smashes them on his face. There's still light, but it's deteriorating rapidly. He'd better hurry. He stumbles towards Unit 01's head, going around it to pass beneath the great horn. Once he's in the space between the two Evas, the wind is marginally better. He can see Asuka making her own way towards the Evas' clasped hands, a dark dot on a field of white.
Together, they dig their way into the shelter. It's difficult. Perhaps Asuka did what Misato said a little too well. Eventually they manage to complete a small tunnel, through which they quickly crawl. Then they block it again with snow.
"Damn, it's dark," Asuka hisses. Shinji removes his goggles. He still can't see. He tries to stand and ends up whacking his head on Unit-02's armored palm.
"Careful, Dummkopf," Asuka snaps as he groans in pain and sinks to his knees. "You didn't hit yourself that hard, did you?"
Shinji yanks a glove off and probes at his head with numb fingers. His hair, which had still been damp with LCL, is now crusted with slush. He swallows. "Um, I don't think it's bleeding." He presses on the spot, and winces when it throbs in pain. "Probably going to bruise or something, though."
"Be more careful," Asuka chides. "You saw how low the roof was."
"Not really, I was more focused on trying to keep the blizzard out."
"Well, you should watch - OW!"
Her voice, accompanied by a dull thudding noise, comes from somewhere to Shinji's right. Shinji doesn't think it would be a good idea to laugh, but he can't stop the smile from appearing on his face. "Asuka?" he asks, shuffling forward on his knees, hands outstretched. "Are you alright?"
The skin of his right hand brushes something soft. Asuka yelps, the sound much closer than it was, and then shoves him. Shinji crumples to the ground under the attack, where he opts to stay, suddenly drained of strength.
"Christ, your hand is freezing! That was my face, stupid. Watch where you're going!"
"I'll try my best."
"Don't you dare give me attitude right now, Third! Oh my God, I really hope there's a flashlight or something in these stupid packs."
His surroundings begin to coalesce somewhat as his eyes adjust. A faint glow filters from between Unit-02's fingers. He can see Asuka's silhouette, hunched over one of the packs. She tosses out two large bundles and then begins to rummage, muttering in German.
"Ah, Ich…I think I found something. Now if I could just figure out how to…ah!"
Warm yellow light fills the shelter. Shinji squints, blinded. After a few moments, he's able to make out Asuka triumphantly holding up a small lantern. She puts it down next to him. Heat radiates from it, a faint breath of warmth in a world of cold. Shinji shuts his eyes, basking in it.
Asuka nudges him. "Sit up, Shinji. You'll freeze if you stay like that."
"Mmh," he grunts, but does as she says. He looks at Asuka and blinks. She's rummaging through the pack again, pulling out items and tossing them aside. Her long red hair is crusted in half-frozen LCL, making it look even brighter than usual.
Asuka looks up and catches him staring. She frowns. "What?"
"Ah, your hair…"
"Yours doesn't look much better! I hope you brought your towel."
"Nope, I left it in the plug."
She groans. "You're hopeless, you know that? If we die of hypothermia or something it's going to be all your fault."
"How will it be my fault?!"
"We can't dry our hair if we don't have towels! We'll probably freeze or get sick or something."
"We still have yours!"
She snorts and lifts up a crumpled wad from the snow, already stained orange. "Barely. Let's see what else Nerv gave us."
They take inventory. Each pack contains the clothes they'd worn on the flight over, a heat lantern, a sleeping bag and a pad to go beneath it, several packages of field rations, a tiny battery-powered kettle to melt snow with, a cup, some bags, and a little booklet with survival instructions. Shinji's camera and SDAT player made it too, as well as both of their radios. He turns his on. Only the soft slush of static greets him. He switches channels to no avail.
"Ugh, they didn't even include a pack of cards or something. Cheapskates," Asuka mutters, and then shucks off her coat and takes the A-10 connectors out of her hair, letting it hang freely. She starts toweling it off with shaking hands. "Scheiße! This is awful," she grouses. "I don't think I've ever been this cold in my life. You're lucky. Your hair is short."
"I guess," says Shinji. He watches her. She manages to get rid of most of the slush and ice; the snow in front of her is speckled with orange. After a while, she tosses him the towel. Shinji buries his head in it and quickly realizes he left his neural connectors on. He tugs them off. When he finally surfaces, it's to the sight of Asuka holding one of the lanterns up near her hair. She's shivering, a slight but visible tremor.
She catches his eye and a smile flits across her mouth. "Your hair's sticking up all over the place," she says, a laugh in her voice. "You look dumb."
Shinji narrows his eyes. "You don't look much better yourself."
Asuka's face scrunches up. "Idiot Shinji, don't you know you're not supposed to say that to a girl? Come here. Make yourself useful and hold this heat lamp. My neck's getting tired."
Shinji does. Asuka turns her back to him and hugs herself tightly. "It's no blow dryer, but it'll have to do," she grits out, and then begins shaking harder. She leans forward and grabs her coat, putting it on backwards. "G-grab chunks of my hair and hold it as close to the lantern as you can. Move the l-l-lantern up and down the length of it. And don't p-pull on it. It'll hopefully dry f-faster that way. Go on, my hair's not going t-t-to burn you."
Most of him is convinced otherwise, and deathly afraid for it. He'd often idly wondered what it would be like to touch Asuka's pretty red hair. Shinji warily picks up a section of it. It's cold and damp to the touch, made stringy and dark by moisture. He swallows. In any other situation, she would probably hit him and start shrieking. But this isn't like any other situation. Shinji braces himself, but she keeps still, and doesn't say anything, and lets him continue touching her hair. The motion of the lantern makes their shadows lengthen and contract, almost as if they were breathing. When he comes across a tangled clump, he glances at Asuka's head. She's still facing away from him. Taking a deep breath, he cards his fingers through it, trying to unravel the knot. He brushes the clammy flesh on the back of her neck, and she flinches.
"Ow! I said not to pull on it!"
"I can't help it! It's tangled in some spots."
He continues until he's detangled the rest of her hair. She makes noise at him but doesn't pull away. The whistle of the wind outside has deepened into a roaring howl. Chills dance down his spine. His ears are freezing. His head is freezing. The hand not holding the lantern is going a bit numb. He thinks about Ayanami then. He hopes that the singular palm of her Eva was enough to keep out the wind. He hopes she made it inside. She doesn't have another person there with her to help her dry her hair.
"I hope Ayanami's all right," he murmurs.
"Oh? Worried about Miss Perfect, are we? How cute."
"It's not like that," he says, frowning. "It's just…she's all alone out there."
"She'll be fine." Asuka's tone is dismissive. "She's used to being by herself, it seems. She was perfectly happy to turn down Misato's dinner invite for after the mission."
Shinji hums noncommittally, but doesn't say anything else. Asuka shifts her weight, making his fingers pause.
"Hey," she murmurs. "Don't forget my scalp."
"Um, I…are you -"
"Yes," she says emphatically. "Don't make this even weirder than it already is. I'm cold, so hurry up."
Asuka doesn't say anything when he tentatively places a hand on her scalp and frees a section of hair. He continues in silence. Her breathing is deep and even, hitching only when a shiver runs through her. Her shoulders and spine begin to slump downwards incrementally.
"Asuka, lift your head please."
"Mm. Sorry."
It takes him several passes with the heat lantern to get her hair somewhat dry. It's thick, and there's a lot of it. His hand twitches on her scalp and his teeth clack as the tremor that had been building in him intensifies. His ears have gone numb.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I'm a little c-c-c-cold, that's all."
"Just a little, huh?" Asuka's hand comes up and strokes her hair. "Wow. Not bad, Shinji. I think we can stop here for now." She turns and grabs the lantern from him. "Turn around."
"Hm?"
"It's your turn now."
"Wh…okay."
The warmth of the lamp near his head is heavenly. Shinji barely manages to suppress a groan. Asuka's hand in his hair is brusque and does not linger, but the places where her fingers touch his scalp still manage to send bolts of lightning arcing down his spine.
"Geez, stop flinching," Asuka mutters. "I'm not going to burn you."
"Sorry - ow! Please watch the bump."
"Ah, yeah. Sorry."
She gently tugs at his hair, lengthening it to bring it as close to the lamp as she can. Her hand is cold, but he doesn't mind. He realizes that he has never had someone else's hand in his hair before. He didn't know it could feel so nice. His right hand flexes on his lap as a feeling of guilt materializes in his chest.
"Okay, you should be good to go. Can you do mine again, one more time?"
The warmth of the lamp and the weight of Asuka's hand disappear. Shinji feels oddly forlorn as he turns around.
Once he finishes, they eat one ration bar each and heat up some snow. Then they begin unrolling their sleeping pads, and then the bags atop them. They set up on opposite sides of the small shelter, with the heat lanterns placed in the half-meter or so of no man's land between them. Asuka glares at him from behind the bright barrier, the illumination from below giving her features a menacing cast. "No funny business, got it? If you even stick one finger past these lanterns, I'll make sure you lose it."
"All right, Asuka."
"Now I don't know about you, but I'm going to try and sleep."
He removes his jacket and outer pants, remembering the briefing they'd gotten on cold weather safety, and shivers as he slides into his sleeping bag. He puts his earbuds in, clutching his SDAT to him to warm it up a bit before turning it on and hitting play. No sound comes out. He pulls it out to look at it. It didn't even turn on. He bites the inside of his cheek. He really hopes it isn't broken. Can cold weather do that to electronics? He stuffs the SDAT back into his sleeping bag and sighs. He always has trouble falling asleep without it.
He opts instead to look up at the ceiling. Red armor. Familiar and yet strange. And over it is Unit-01's purple. The wind howls louder than ever. Unit-02's palm moves incrementally as the wind outside does its best to tear it away. He swallows. Even an Eva isn't totally safe from the wrath of a blizzard after all. It makes him feel very small, suddenly. He shivers a little. Despite all his layers and the thick sleeping bag wrapped around him, he's still a bit cold. Would Nerv be able to find them once this was all over? He remembers the field of smooth, blinding white that greeted him once he'd dropped from the transport, stretching up the unforgiving slopes of the mountains and down into the valleys below. Who knew what lurked beneath it? Perhaps Misato and the others would arrive and pass right over the two pilots buried alive in the snow.
He turns. Asuka is wrapped in her sleeping bag, her face hidden in shadow. He isn't sure if she's asleep or not. "Hey, Asuka," he tries. "Do you know how long a blizzard lasts?"
"I don't know. Snow is just frozen water, so it's probably like a rainstorm. We're going to get woken up by Misato's squawking in a few hours."
Her voice sounds so light and nonchalant. Like she's not even bothered by this at all, or perhaps unaware of the danger. But Asuka is far from stupid.
"But what if it snows so much that we're completely buried? What if they can't find us once it's over?"
"Stop asking stupid questions," Asuka snaps. Shinji is taken aback by the sudden venom in her voice. "Of course they're going to find us. The Evas have trackers on them."
"Will that still work if the Evas freeze solid? Can Evas even freeze?"
"No, stupid. I don't think so. They're too big for that. Now shut up and go to sleep."
"I know they're on low power mode now," Shinji murmurs. "But will they be able to last longer than the blizzard?"
"Shut UP!" Asuka snaps. Her voice is deafening in the tiny space. Shinji jerks, startled. "I don't care, okay?! Just shut up. Everything will be fine, so there's no use asking stupid questions about stupid what-ifs. Just shut up and go to sleep!"
"Sorry," he mutters reflexively. He isn't sure what exactly he's apologizing for, or why Asuka got so angry.
He tries to fall asleep, but he can't. It's too cold. The wind is too loud. It strikes him, then, how alone the two of them are. They might as well be the last people on Earth. Who knows how long they'll be trapped inside this shelter, so small and low that neither of them can stand up straight? Shinji swallows. The only things keeping them from certain death are a few ration bars, giant hands, and some sleeping bags. His hand flexes. He should not have come here. Asuka was right. This was barely an operation. All three of them would probably freeze to death in a remote corner on the godforsaken tip of South America. Close to Antarctica. His father is in the remains of Antarctica right now. Maybe it's all connected somehow - the Angel, his father, descending on him. The sound of the wind is nothing compared to the glacial silence between him and Asuka. Between him and his father. A cold grave. Angry words. I want to die. I don't want to die.
"Why did the Angel come so close to Antarctica?" he asks in a voice like ice splintering. "Do you think it has something to do with Second Impact?" Asuka doesn't say anything. He wets his dry lips. "Why do the Angels attack where they do?"
Asuka still doesn't say anything. When he rolls over, he sees that she's on her side, her back to him. He can't see her face. Distant as the moon, as scorchingly caustic as the sun. Mama, he hears her say, with tears leaking from beneath her closed eyelids.
He will never understand her.
He rolls onto his side to face away from her, but sleep will not come. Eventually he gives up and reaches for the safety pamphlet that Nerv included in their packs. It's dry and concise, including not just survival skills but information about their gear as well. The sleeping bags can zip together, with heat being preserved through the fact that they would retain their individual hoods. The rations should ideally last them a week.
/
He surfaces from a fitful doze an undeterminable amount of time later because his teeth are chattering. He rolls over onto his back and glances to his left. Asuka is curled up in a ball facing him. Their eyes meet. The look on her face is strange. If he didn't know better, he'd say it was almost afraid.
"Any word from Misato?" Shinji croaks. He's barely able to get the words out.
"Do you think we'd still be in here if there was?" Asuka snaps back, brows furrowing. Shinji sighs. She's clearly still in a bad mood. It would probably be best if he didn't disturb her further. He's on the verge of rolling over again when Asuka takes a deep, shuddering breath.
"Look. I think we ought to look at the big picture. Let's push our mats together, and our bags, too. I don't…I don't want to freeze out here."
"Okay," says Shinji. "I don't want to freeze either."
Climbing out of the sleeping bag is agonizing, but pushing the mats and bags close together doesn't take very long. Shinji finds himself lying with his back pressed against Asuka's. For a time, Asuka doesn't say anything. Shinji doesn't either. It's still cold and dark, but her body is solid against his, even through the sleeping bags. It's a small comfort. For a brief, insane moment, Shinji wonders what it would feel like to pull her close. He shakes his head and banishes the thought. She would destroy him utterly.
"Hey, Asuka?"
"Mm."
"Why do you pilot Eva?"
The reply is instantaneous. "To show the world how talented I am, naturally."
"To let them know that you exist?"
"Mhm. Something like that. What about you? Why do you do it?"
Shinji considers the question, a small crease appearing between his brows. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Asuka shifts against him. "We're out here on a mountain in the middle of nowhere and you don't know? Are you stupid?"
"Mm. I might be."
She scoffs. "You really are, talking like that."
"How long have you been training for Eva anyway, Asuka?"
He's never asked her about her life back in Germany. All he knew was that she had a college degree - in what, he didn't know - and had been training for Eva a lot longer than he had. He didn't know what that training consisted of. She certainly seemed to enjoy piloting Eva.
"Since I was four years old," she says. There's a note of pride evident in her voice.
"Wow," he says. "Did…did your parents force you to do it?"
"Of course not," she says. "They didn't say anything about it. I was chosen. And I wanted to do it. Unlike you, apparently. You don't enjoy it at all?"
Shinji's shoulders twitch in a shrug, even though she can't see him. "Not really."
"So your father is forcing you to do it?"
"Not really."
"Hmph. I'd ask why you don't live with the guy, but…he doesn't seem very paternal."
"He isn't."
"My father isn't either," says Asuka lowly. "But…we get along, I guess. I haven't talked to him in a while. I used to live with him and Mother when I was smaller. But that was a long time ago."
"That sounds nice," says Shinji. "A family to come home to. I'm a little jealous."
"It only seems that way. My mother isn't even my real mother."
"What…what happened to your real mother?"
"She died," Asuka says simply.
"Oh," says Shinji. "I'm sorry to hear that." He wets his lips. "Do you remember her?"
"A little."
"That's lucky. My mother died too. But I don't really remember her at all."
"Hmm, I figured. That or a divorce. But that's not so bad. It's less painful that way, isn't it?"
"I suppose. But still. I don't have any pictures of her or anything."
"Why not?"
"My father destroyed them."
"Oh."
Silence falls. Shinji blinks. In this one conversation, he learned more about Asuka than he did in several months of living with her, of traveling the world with her, of fighting side by side with her. Her calm frankness shocks him. He squeezes his eyes shut, suddenly embarrassed.
"Sorry for dumping all that on you," he murmurs.
"It's not like I have anything else to do right now."
"Oh, so you're bored?"
"Extremely."
Shinji takes a deep breath. Asuka seems to have none of his qualms. That must be what it meant to be an elite pilot. No troublesome thoughts. Only action. He's tempted to ask her for her training regimen.
"Shinji," Asuka whispers after a time. "I'm still cold."
"Me too," he murmurs, and shivers.
"The bags can zip together, you know."
"I know."
They don't say anything else. Asuka rolls away from him, and his body flops down in the space she left. The antarctic chill blasts him when he exits his sleeping bag, but he and Asuka work quickly. They don't look at each other. His heart is pounding in his chest. He feels a little lightheaded. He climbs back into the sleeping bag.
"Hurry up," Asuka grumbles, and then follows after him.
As soon as the zipper closes, they reach for each other. It's cramped, and awkward, and Asuka's elbows are very, very sharp. Her grip on him is so tight it's hard to breathe, but Shinji finds he doesn't mind. For a time, they shiver against each other, teeth chattering from their recent exposure to the cold outside, but little by little, they stop. Asuka's body becomes delightfully, wonderfully warm against his. He didn't know that another person could be this warm. Asuka sighs. She turns and buries her head against him. Her hair, still slightly damp, tickles his nose. It smells strongly of LCL, and something that might be sweat, and a faint trace of shampoo, and something else, something he can't put a name to. Shinji takes a breath.
"Don't say anything," Asuka murmurs.
"Okay," he murmurs back.
"What did I just say? Idiot."
He exhales a laugh. Typical Asuka. "Sorry."
"Stop apologizing! I swear, that's all you ever do."
"S…okay."
Silence falls. Asuka's breathing deepens. His head tilts just the slightest bit downwards so his mouth is pressed to the skin right next to her hairline, half-masked by her messy fringe. In the movies, friends and family would sometimes kiss each other on the forehead. So did lovers. He thinks of Asuka standing proudly on a bench, bathed in the warm glow of a sunset. He's half asleep. His lips pucker unthinkingly. Something like that. Once. Twice. Again.
Asuka whispers something unintelligible in what might be German. Her arm tightens around him.
Shinji is finally able to fall asleep.
/
The Nerv crew finds them eventually. Asuka's radio starts squawking and shortly after that they're pulled from their shelter, dazed and blinded by the reflection of the sunlight off the snow. Misato tells them they were in there for two nights. She pulls them both into a hug, and then steps back, her nose wrinkled.
"The two of you smell like LCL and sweat. The first thing you're doing when we get back to civilization is taking a bath."
"Thank God," Asuka says. "And then dinner, right? I hope you didn't forget."
"Of course not."
They're quickly ushered into a tent. Ayanami is already there, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a steaming mug of hot chocolate clutched in one hand. Shinji and Asuka receive similar treatment. Asuka happily chatters about what exactly she's going to make Misato buy them for dinner. Shinji sips his hot chocolate and smiles at Ayanami.
"I'm glad you're okay," he says. "How'd it go for you?"
"Much the same as always," Ayanami replies. She looks at him over the rim of her cup as she takes a sip.
"This is delicious. I am glad you survived as well."
Misato comes in later with a tablet clutched in one hand. She taps a few things on it, and then a call comes in. It's his father. Misato delivers her report in clipped, curt tones. And then -
"Good work, Shinji," Gendo Ikari says.
Shinji blinks a few times. Something strange is happening in his chest. "Th-thank you," he manages to say, and shortly afterwards the call ends.
Asuka nudges him. "Wow," she says, smirking. "He actually said something nice to you."
He sighs. The corners of his mouth curl up just a little. "I guess."
"I know."
Shinji exhales a laugh. He's never felt so warm.
A/N: written for the fanfic contest that took place on the asushin discord server this past summer. big thanks to chenglou for organizing the event and for drawing the cover art for this story. check out her work on her pixiv (www pixiv net / en / users /82855586 )! congratulations also to my fellow winners YourBlandestNightmare and Charles Ikari Darwin, as well as honorary winner skyf0x. go check out their stories too (Eight Notes, Time & Place, and So Stay Close respectively). my thanks to my fellow server members for voting, and my thanks to you for reading!