Kelly rolled over and reached out for Stella, as he felt nothing but a cold sheet. The realization hit him that she was gone. It's been a week since she gave the ring back-a week since he last saw her or talked to her. Her broken expression is what haunts him; her eyes, which were once full of love and affection, have changed to anger and sadness. He promised never to hurt her and told her he wasn't going anywhere. He lied to her; he destroyed her. And now she's gone; no one has heard from her in a week. Gabby is furious with him, and he can't blame her. Truth be told, he hates himself for causing her pain. Casey doesn't understand why he didn't run after her that night; why did he let her leave like that? He can't explain it; he just stood there watching her walk out of the room. He heard her go down the stairs, and he heard the front door slam, and he was motionless.
He called her that night, but it went straight to voicemail. He has now called her countless times, but it goes to voicemail. He knew he could have handled the situation better than he did, but he let his anger, his hurt, and his feelings get the best of him. He realized now how selfish he was acting; he never considered how she was feeling; it's not like she purposely damaged her inside so she could never be a mom. She had no control over what happened to her, and she worked so hard to overcome what they did to her, and now, because he didn't think before he spoke, she's out there blaming herself for something that wasn't her fault.
He slowly got out of bed; he didn't feel like going to shift, but it was a great distraction.
Stella opened her eyes and looked at the clock; it was around seven in the morning, and she knew Kelly was getting ready for shift. She sighed as she thought about him. It's been a week since she felt his embrace, talked to him, and kissed him. She misses him like crazy. Why didn't she tell him? She should have told him at the beginning. She should have told him when she moved to Chicago. When he moved in with her, she knew they were getting serious, but she still chose not to tell him, and in the process, she lost him. She knew he was going to be hurt and upset, but she didn't think it was going to lead to him being so selfish and only thinking of how it affected him. He never once put himself in her shoes, thinking about how she felt. He's been calling her nonstop and apologizing over and over; she can hear him crying, and it breaks her heart. She has been keeping her phone off and checking her voicemail once a day; it's full of messages from him, and she wants to call him back. She wants to go home, but she's paralyzed and confused. She knows that he wants kids; she knows that he's hurting because she can't give him one; it's tearing her apart because she can't give him one. She wants to go back to him and have him wrap her up in his warm embrace, but she can't go back to him; he deserves to be with someone who can give him what he wants. Even though it's going to destroy her inside and out, she has to let him go; it's what's best for him. One day he'll understand why she did it, and one day she'll just be a memory to him.
She slowly gets out of bed. She's been hiding in this room for a week. Gabby's been taking pretty good care of her, as has Matt, but he's not too happy that they're lying to Kelly, she knows it's not fair, but she didn't have anywhere else to go, so she's been staying in their extra bedroom. She hasn't left the house in a week, but today she has to go home. She knows he's on shift today, so today is the perfect time to go. She's not sure what her next move is-does she leave Chicago? Does she ask Kelly to leave? Technically, the house is hers, but she can't find it in her heart to kick Kelly out. Leaving Chicago seems like the most realistic move; she doesn't want to watch Kelly fall in love with someone else and start his family. That would completely break her; she's not strong enough for that.
Gabby walked into the kitchen, holding her son. Glaring at her husband. Matt sighed. "I take it you're still not talking to me."
"I take it that you're still being a jackass," she asked as she sat her son in the highchair.
"All I said last night is that it's not right that we're lying to Severide; he deserves to know where she's at. You're acting like you don't know where she is, and you haven't talked to her. You got me lying to him, and I don't feel right about it. You might, but I don't."
"I don't know what you expect from me; she's my best friend. She asked me not to tell him, so I have to respect her wishes. I understand he's hurting; she's hurting too technically; she's hurting worse because he was a selfish jackass."
Let's just agree that they're both hurting. Nobody was selfish in the situation; we weren't there, so we really can't judge who said what to whom, and before you even say anything, I'm not calling her a liar; I'm just saying that he's pretty broken up; he doesn't know where she is; he's upset for what he said to her; he wishes he could take it back; and yes, he's upset because he can never be a father...
"And I point out again that he can be a father; he wants his own damn kid so bad he can go to a fucking strip club and find some woman and knock her up, and then have a fucking kid." She was getting pissed off again. "See, you got me so freaking worked up that I'm cussing in front of our son, something I said I would never do."
Matt shakes his head. "I don't have you worked up; they have you worked up; you're the one that's in their business; this is not our business; we shouldn't even have a say; it's something they need to work out between each other; hiding her out is not the solution."
"She's my best friend, and I will hide her out as long as she asks me to hide her out. She's been through too much; she doesn't need this. I can't believe you're taking his side anyway."
Matt slammed down his fist. "For the last time, Gabby, I'm not taking nobody's side; he's my best friend. I hate lying to him. He asks me every day if you heard from her. He calls all the time asking if you heard from her. It's not fair. We just need to be honest with him. We need to say Yeah, she's staying in our spare bedroom; she needed some time to think. Maybe if he knew that she was safe, he wouldn't be so panicked and so freaking heartbroken right now. He's thinking a million different things, all crazy scenarios of where she could be and what she's doing. I just want to ease his mind. Just a bit. What is wrong with that?"
"Nothing; I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean for you to lie to your best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to be lied to." Stella said, walking into the room after overhearing the conversation.
Matt gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to hear that."
"Nothing to be sorry about, you're right It's been a week since we've communicated, and for the past week, I've been avoiding the situation. I promise I will let him know that I'm okay, and I will let him know where I'm at. You guys don't have to lie anymore for me. I appreciate you guys for letting me stay, and I think it's time I go home."
" Really? You're going home?" Gabby asked in a hopeful tone. Hoping she was planning on talking with Kelly.
She gives Gabby, a look of confusion, "I don't know. I figured I would go home today since he won't be there; maybe I should get myself mentally prepared to see him again."
Gabby hugs her. "You can always stay here."
"I know, but it's going to be hard. This past year has been the best year of my life, and Kelly played a big part. I know he loves me; I listen to all his voicemails. I read all his texts. I'm not heartless; I just didn't reply. I love him. I do." She starts to cry. "I love him enough to let him go, and I pray that he finds someone who can give him what he wants, what I can't give him," she cries as she stares at their son.
" Stella, I think you're overthinking things; there's so many other options for you guys to be parents; adoption is a wonderful thing; and there's so many kids out there that need to be adopted."
"I know, I thought about that. But Kelly made it clear that he wanted to be a biological father. And that's something I can't give him.."She dries her eyes. "I need to go; I have to stop by the community center since I've been avoiding them too. I've been really bad this week about letting my personal life affect my community work, and I can't do that anymore, but you guys have a safe shift." She hugged Gabby tightly. "I love you."
Gabby pulled back, giving her a strange look, and confusion invaded her mind. "I love you too."
Gabby and Matt watch as she walks out of the house. "She couldn't take her eyes off our little man." Matt said as he looked at his son. "She looks so broken; they both do."
"Her heart is broken; she wants Kelly; she wants to give him a child, but those bastards took that away from her, and she is blaming herself." Gabby starts to cry. "I'm going to lose her again."
"No, you are not," Matt insists.
"Yes, I am; I see it in her eyes. She is leaving Chicago again for good this time. That hug was a goodbye hug, I feel it." She cries, as Matt hugs her. " I'm about to give birth within the next few months and I feel like I'm rubbing it in her face that I can have kids."
Matt tighten his hold on her. " You're not doing anything wrong honey." He wasn't sure what to say, this was a sore subject for both women.
Later that night, Casey was sitting in his office when Severide walked in. "Part of me wants to punch you in the face."
Casey arched his eyebrows at him. "Why now?"
"For lying to me, especially Dawson for yelling at me all week for making her friend take off, while all along she knew where she was, that pisses me off. "
Casey swallowed hard. " Severide...
"It's okay." He interrupted him. "At first, when Stella told me where she had been, I was furious, and ready to tear you and your wife apart, but she calmed me down and made me realize you and Dawson were just looking out for us. So I promised her I wouldn't be upset with you guys "
Casey was surprised. "You're not upset?"
"No, I'm just happy that she's safe, and I know that she is at home now."
"She called you?"
"No, we texted for a long time. She said that she was going to stay there and that we could talk after shift. So, I'm more relaxed now, and I think we are going to be okay after a long talk, of course."
Casey nodded; Severide was smiling; it looked like a weight was lifted from him. His mind wandered off to what Gabby said this morning. "That's good." He tells him. Hoping he didn't pick up on his uncertainty.
"What's going on?" Kelly asked, noticing Casey's expression.
"Nothing; what are you talking about?"
"Man, don't lie to me, especially after I just forgive you for lying to me for a week. You know something, so tell me."
"Severide, I..." Casey began. But he decided to just be honest. "Look, I'm not sure, but something Gabby said this morning has been weighing on my mind all day."
" What?"
"Gabby has a feeling that Stella isn't staying in Chicago."
Kelly felt his stomach drop. "Did she tell Gabby that?"
"No, not in words." Casey stood up. "Apparently, when she hugged Gabby this morning a little tighter and longer than expected, she told her she loved her. Gabby got the feeling that she was telling her goodbye." Casey hated seeing Severide's grin disappear. "It's just a feeling Gabby has Severide; it's probably nothing; don't worry about it. If Stella said she would talk to you after shift, she will."
"Yeah, but she promised that last time she was going to be there when I got home for shift. I came home expecting to see her in my bed, but I found a letter instead, and she was gone." Kelly thinks back to over a year ago when she left him and he went after her. "But regardless of what is going on between us, Stella loves those girls she's helping; I can't see her just up and leaving them. Me, yeah, because I crushed her heart, but not her girls."
Casey was about to respond when the bells went off, calling for squad three. Kelly ran out of the room before Casey could give him an answer.
Stella spent most of the day crying and going down memory lane as she walked through her house for what could be the last time. She has memories of Kelly in every room, laughing, smiling, cuddling, kissing, and, of course, there's not a room that didn't have sex twice in; they made it a game to randomly pick a room and have sex in different positions. She walks around and picks up the photos of them together; she decides to take at least two with her. Wherever it is she's going, causes she's not sure at this moment. She wants to get a map, lay it out on the table, blindfold herself, and just pick a place, move there, and start over. It seems like a pretty awesome idea, but how does she start over without Kelly? She loves Chicago; all her memories of her mom are here; she got Gabby back in her life; her heart is here, which is Kelly; and most importantly, she has her girls here, these girls that she promised that she would always be here for; she will never turn her back on them. How can she break their hearts? How can she just up and leave them? All because her heart is broken. How is that fair to them? Her heart will be broken if she stays in Chicago and it will be broken if she leaves, no matter what she does, or where she goes nothing is going to fix her broken heart.
She sits down on the couch and throws her head back. As she tries to figure out what she should do, going is the easy way out; staying is the hard part. Can she continue to live in Chicago and continue to live the life that she has grown to love being there for those girls? Can she continue her community work as Gabby's best friend? And pretend that she's strong and happy every time Kelly's around, especially when he finds someone else. She's got to think of these girls, and she's got to push what she's feeling deep down inside and keep it locked up. She pretended for years that she was happy and living a good life when she was miserable and lonely and close to ending it all. So yeah, she could stay and continue her life here without Kelly; she owes it to those girls.
She is knocked from her thoughts at the sound of the doorbell, glancing at the clock a quarter after eight. She wonders who it could be. She takes a deep breath and slowly walks toward the door. " Hey!" She said it surprisingly. She opens the door to see McKay and her mom standing there.
"Hey, Stella," McKay says nervously.
"Stella, we are sorry to show up so late, but McKay has been calling you all day with no answer. We need to talk to you about something pretty big." Zoey, McKay's mom says.
Stella wasn't sure what was going on; her eyes widened as she noticed the baby in the car seat. "Who's baby?"
"I think it's best if we come inside to talk," Zoey tells her.
"Of course, come on in." She swallows hard as she watches Zoey carry the baby inside. Her curiosity peaked.
Gabby knocked on Matt's office door. " Are you hungry?"
" Yes!" He stands up and kisses her. " Where is Marquis?"
" Staying with mom tonight. So I got lonely figured I'll come eat dinner with you."
"I'm glad you did." He kisses her softly. " Did you see squad out there?"
" Nope, the truck is gone I figured they were on a call."
" Yeah they had a call but they've been gone for a while," Matt tells her.
"It must have been a bad call," Gabby says as she takes a bite of her food. "I hope everyone is okay."
"Me too," Matt added. "I told Kelly, you think Stella might be leaving Chicago."
"You did? What did he say?"
"Nothing really; he seemed a little concerned and worried, but he did say that he couldn't see it happening; he didn't think that she would just up and leave her girls; he said those girls mean too much to her for her to just up and leave them, all because of what's going on between them."
Gabby nods. "I was thinking the same thing. She loves the work that she's doing with the community, and those girls mean the world to her, even though she's completely heartbroken and convinced about letting Kelly go so that he can find someone who can give him what he wants. Instead of just sticking around and talking to him and maybe considering adoption and all the other options that they could be talking about, they are so good together."
"Yeah, they are." Casey agrees. "Have you talked to Stella since the morning?"
"I called her twice, but her phone must be turned off."
"Kelly said she texted him...
"Sorry to interrupt." Herrmann said as he barged into Casey's office. "The chief said to tell you guys he's taking 51 out of service, and we all need to get to Med."
" What? Why? "
"I don't know all the details; all I know is that the call squad was on some kind of explosion happened."
"You guys, Severide is in bad shape, according to Cruz," Brett said as she walked into the office.
"Oh my God," Gabby said as they rushed out of the office.
Stella watches as McKay and her mom take a seat. She stares at the baby, who couldn't be more than a week old. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"
"No, we're good," Zoey tells her. "Again, I apologize for stopping over so late."
"No problem; I always told the girls they could stop by anytime."
"McKay, go ahead," Zoey tells her daughter as the two exchange looks.
McKay closes her eyes briefly. "I called you a few times yesterday, but it kept going to voicemail, and my mom called too, but she got the voicemail too. We called earlier and got your voicemail again."
Stella felt bad. "I am so sorry; I've had my phone turned off a majority of the time this week." She didn't even think about one of her girls trying to call her. "I had some stuff going on."
"Stella, it's fine; we figured something was going on."
"It's just been a long week for me; I got some personal stuff I'm dealing with."
Zoey gave her an understanding look. "It's been a week for me too, which is why we are here."
McKay took a deep breath. "Stella, you remember when we all came over here a couple of weeks ago?"
"Yeah, to tell me about Vanessa."
"Yeah, before I left, I asked you if you and I could talk privately."
"Yes, I remember that too, and I told you, of course, anytime, anywhere, whenever you wanted."
McKay nods, "And I told you I needed to talk to you but not right then, and you said whenever I was ready to call you or come by." Stella nods in agreement. "I'm ready now to tell you."
Stella's interests was peaked more now, wondering what it could be that she had to bring her mom with her. "Okay, sweetie, you can tell me anything."
"Please don't be upset with me."
"I would never be upset with you McKay; I told you and then the rest of the girls that you can come to me for anything, and I will always support you and have your back."
"I know you did; that's what I told my mom." She looks at her mom, who gives her an encouraging smile. "I lied to you."
Stella wasn't expecting that. "Lied about what?"
"I know how upset and worried you have been about Raven since she's been missing. I told my mom how emotional you got when you were talking to the cops that day, and you felt that they just didn't care, and how every day you went to shelters and hospitals and drove around looking for Raven."
"I was completely heartbroken. I'm still heartbroken. I wish I knew if she was safe if she was with people who loved her. We live in a messed-up world, and I worry every day that one of those bad men has her. I just want answers. I think if I at least knew that she was safe, I would have some kind of relief."
"Well, I can guarantee you that she's safe, that she's alive, and that she's doing well."
Stella looked between the two with questionable eyes. "How do you know that? Did you talk to her? Did you see her?"
"Yeah, I've known... for about two months now that... she's okay," McKay admitted sadly.
Shock doesn't even describe what Stella was feeling. "You're telling me that for the past two months, you knew that Raven was okay and that she was alive, and you didn't tell me. I asked every week at the end of the meeting if any of you guys heard from her, and you all told me no. You looked me in the eye and said no. Just two weeks ago at our last meeting, I asked again, and you said no. You lied to me; you looked me square in the eye and lied to me." Her anger was building quickly. " All I ever asked of you girls was to be honest with me. I told you girls that honesty is the key to our relationship; as long as we're honest with each other, nothing else matters. and you couldn't even be honest with me over something that has kept me up many nights, something that has stressed me out, something that has overtaken my mind. Raven was all I thought about; it's been nine months and I still go to local shelters. I even drive to other cities randomly just to check shelters and hospitals out, thinking maybe she's there. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I had that I decided to go to her old neighborhood and drive around at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and then come home and end up fighting with Kelly over it because he doesn't want me out at that time looking for her."
McKay was crying and saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Stella's anger wasn't letting her hear or even letting her focus on what McKay was saying or that she was crying hysterically. "I went to the police station all the time, and I caused scenes; it got so bad that Trudy was going to have me banned." She stood up and started pacing around in circles. "I can't believe this; I can't believe you didn't tell me; didn't you think I had a right to know? That was selfish of you; don't you consider other people's feelings and...
" Enough!" Zoey yelled, interrupting Stella's rant. Causing Stella to shut up and stop walking and the baby in the car seat to start crying. "I refuse to sit here and have you screaming and yelling at my daughter, accusing her of being selfish and a liar. When she did what her best friend asked her to do, she is only fourteen." Zoey bent down and picked up the crying baby. "You have no idea how upset McKay was over lying to you, and for your information, I didn't know either till this week. McKay loves you; she would do anything in the world for you; you're all she talks about; sometimes I'm a little jealous of how much she looks up to you; I often wonder if she wanted you to be her mother instead of me because she admires you so much."
"Mrs. Jones I'm sorry," Stella said it in a guilt-ridden tone. She just felt awful going off on McKay like that; she let her emotions get the best of her, and maybe it's because she's been so worried about Raven, or maybe it's because of how emotional she's been this past week with her ending her relationship with Kelly. "Please understand, I didn't mean to go off; I just..." she says, looking at McKay. "I'm so sorry for yelling at you and accusing you of being selfish and a liar. It's just... I didn't expect you to say that. I've been looking for Raven for nine months and blaming myself for her just disappearing out of the blue one day."
McKay wiped her eyes. "It's not your fault; Raven left on her own because she felt like it was the right thing to do. Stella, she called me out of the blue two months ago, and I was just so happy to hear from her. She was my best friend since kindergarten, and then one day she was just gone, and I've been just as worried and stressed out about where she was and if she was okay, just like you were, so when she called and she begged me not to tell anybody that she talked to me, I didn't like the idea, but honestly, I was just so happy she was okay and she was alive."
Stella feels bad now. "I completely understand that, I would have done the same thing for my best friend too. Is she okay? Did she say where she was? if she was coming back."
"When she called, it was like maybe a twenty-minute conversation; she just wanted me to know that she was alive, that she missed me, and that she was happy, but she wouldn't tell me where she was; she promised to keep in touch." McKay looked at her mom before continuing. "About 3 weeks ago, she called me again and asked me if she could come to my house because she wanted to see me and she needed to tell me something, but she didn't want anyone to know; she didn't even want me to tell my mom, and I didn't want to lie to my mom, but she kept begging, saying that she needed to see me, so I agreed."
Zoey sat down and wrapped her arm around McKay. "So, she showed up at our house two and a half weeks ago. Mckay told her to wait till the night that I was working, and they planned to hide her out without me noticing, but McKay wasn't planning on Raven showing up nine months pregnant."
Stella, eyes widening in surprise, she glances at the baby in Zoey's arms. "That's Raven's baby?"
"Yes, he is," Zoey said as she smiled down at the baby. "The plan was to hide Raven without me noticing, but this little guy ruined the plan. Last Friday I was cooking dinner and I heard a scream, so I panicked, ran upstairs thinking something was wrong with McKay, and went into the room. Raven was sitting on the bed crying and in pain, McKay was yelling, her water broke, and it took me a while to connect the dots to what was happening. I immediately got her to the hospital, and a few hours later this guy was born."
Stella smiled at the baby. "So, Raven's safe; she's with you guys; why didn't she come over and see me?"
"Well, actually, she is safe, and we know that she's in a place where she will continue to be safe, loved, and well taken care of."
"We just dropped her off at the airport, and then we came here like she asked us to," McKay tells her.
Stella was confused now. "So, she came back long enough to have a baby, then she just left. What about the baby? Is she coming back, and where is she, and how do you know she's safe and she will be taken care of?" So many questions were going through Stella's mind.
Zoey put the baby back in the car seat. And grabbed her bag. "Raven wouldn't tell us where she was going for obvious reasons; she didn't want you or anyone to know where she was, so no one came looking for her. I do know she's with her grandma. I don't know where. I talked to the grandma on the phone, who assured me that Raven was safe and would be taken care of. She pulls a vanilla envelope out of her bag. "This is for you; it contains the baby's birth certificate, a letter from Raven addressed to you and Kelly, some medical stuff, and a legal guardianship form that needs yours and Kelly's signature." She handed the envelope to Stella, who was giving her a disbelief look.
"What do you mean by my signature? Why do you need my signature and Kelly's signature? What exactly is going on here, and what's the legal guardianship form? I don't understand."
"There's a letter that explains everything, but the bottom line is that Raven signed her rights away; she signed over Joshua to you; that's the baby's name, Joshua Michael Lisk; she said she expects you to change the last name but was hoping that you kept the first in the middle name; she said she kind of likes the name."
Stella, wasn't sure what to say, she opened the envelope, looking at all the papers. She stared at the birth certificate, then she stared at the guardianship form. "Why would she sign her baby over to me? I don't understand. I barely even got a chance to know her. We talked for maybe two weeks before she just disappeared. What makes her think that I would just agree to this?"
"Because she trusts you and she knows that you and Kelly will make sure the baby is loved, and taken care of, it is all she wants for Joshua. And your a good hearted person who won't turn him away." McKay tells her, giving her an pleading look.
"I just don't think I can do it. I'm at a place right now in life where adding a baby to the mix is not a good idea."
"I understand that," Zoey told her. "I can take him to a foster home, or I can take him home for a few days while you consider things. I know it's a lot to take on. Raven wanted you to have her son; it meant so much to her to know that he was with you. Can you at least think about it for a few days before you decide?"
Stella bit her lip as she watched the baby sleep. "I can't. I'm sorry, now is not a good time."
"No, Stella, you have to. We promised Raven, you would take him and love him. You can abandon him too; it's not fair." McKay spoke in a furious tone.
" Sweetie, I wish I could, but...
"Stella!" Gabby hollared, running into the house. Causing everyone to jump up and Joshua to cry out.
"Gabby, what the hell?" Stella asked as she placed her hand over her heart. "You about gave me a freaking heart attack running in here like that. Are you crazy?"
"And you scared Joshua."McKay tells her.
Gabby looks at McKay and Zoey, then the baby. "Who's baby?" She asked curiously. She was distracted by why she was really there to actually care.
"That is..." Stella started, but Gabby cut her off.
"You know what? There's no time for that. I'm here because something's happened, and you need to come to Med with me now."
"What. Why? Is Matt, okay?" Stella asked her in a panicked tone.
Gabby nods. "It's not Matt; it's Severide. There was an explosion in the basement. He was down there by himself; he's in the burn unit. It's bad, Stella, really bad."