Double couples
Lincoln Loud was fiddling with his bow tie in front of the mirror. Normally, he wouldn't wear such a thing, but it accompanied the suit that Leni had picked out for him nicely. Ever the perfectionist, Lincoln was meticulously making sure the bow tie looked good for this day, as it was a special one to be sure, and even saying that would be an understatement, for this was the day Lincoln would marry his childhood flame, Ronalda Santiago, or Ronnie Anne, as she preferred to be called. The Louds could scarcely believe it when Lincoln broke the news of their engagement, and the party afterwards kept the neighbourhood up until 3am. Lori, in particular, was especially elated, as she had been supporting the two of them since they met, sometimes to an unhealthy degree.
Since Lincoln and Ronnie Anne's first meeting, a lot had happened. Lori and Bobby got married and had their son Arthur, who was tapped to start kindergarten any day now. Leni and Gavin had their daughter Sharna, who couldn't be here, but was being dutifully watched by Gavin's parents, and Luan and Benny were expecting their little girl in a few months' time. Luna and Sam were still trying to find suitable sperm donors but getting nowhere. Lucy and Rocky found a small place of their own where Lucy could work on her novel series and Rocky could make cartoon shows with an animation studio he worked for. Lana and her girlfriend Adelaide were navigating their new relationship, having broken off with Skippy and Carl respectively, and both Loud twins were making plans to move out of the Loud House, what with Lana's plan to study veterinary science and Lola studying political science at college fully underway. This left Lisa and Lily in the Loud House, which, over time, had become quieter.
A lot of change, to be sure, but the one thing that remained constant was that all the Louds supported each other. However, that was very nearly not the case. Some time ago, one Loud sibling's secret came to light. Lynn Loud Jr., the sports star of the family, the Olympic gold medallist and gym owner, was revealed to have fabricated a romance with Francisco in an effort to appear normal, when behind closed doors, she was having unattached sexual relations with both Francisco and her BFF Margo. This nearly tore the family apart. It was only thanks to a counselling session in Dr. Shannon Tannenbaum's office that the family bond had been salvaged. In this session, Lincoln revealed that he is in a similar arrangement between him, Ronnie Anne, Clyde, and Sid. It took time, but all came to terms with what they had been doing. Lisa even pointed out that polyamorous romances were becoming accepted as normal in this day and age.
Speaking of Clyde, the other groom was coming over to address Lincoln. Clyde had proposed to his girlfriend Sid and when she said 'yes' it was agreed that they would have a double wedding, as best friends did everything together, even get married.
"Only an hour until we both have wives. I won't lie, I'm scared stiff," Clyde vented.
"So am I, but that is why we have to do it, because if we don't, we probably never will, and regret it for the rest of our lives," Lincoln resolved.
"That's the Lincoln Loud I know and love," Clyde replied. He then thought for a moment before speaking again. "Hey, Linc. I know we're getting married to our girlfriends, but what about….us?" Clyde inquired. This had been a topic of debate amongst the four since the engagement news dropped. Initially, it had been decided that any extra entanglements would cease when the two couples were married. However, it was clear from Clyde's tone that he had reservations about letting go of Lincoln.
"Clyde, we all agreed. It was always going to be temporary, us doing what we did. In your case, it was experimental. In Sid's case, it was to keep her going down a dangerous path. Our 'arrangement' was never going to be permanent," Lincoln emphasised.
"I know, but didn't you find it fun?" Clyde asked.
"Of course I did, and I wouldn't trade those times for anything. I will cherish the fun times we had for the rest of our lives, but we're about to begin a new chapter. The vows of matrimony are sacred. You'll still be a part of my life no matter what, though. Promise," Lincoln responded. In his heart, Clyde probably should've expected this. He loved Sid, but he also loved Lincoln, and he considered himself lucky to have both of them in his life, in any capacity. If marrying one meant not being able to be intimate with the other, Clyde would happily accept this outcome.
"You're right, Linc, and Sid's been a big source of comfort since Chloe moved to England. I couldn't two-time her. Truth be told, we were thinking of getting our own place, closer to her job at the school, and at the bakery I've been volunteering at," Clyde disclosed. Sid's job as Royal Woods High School Physics Technician was something she really enjoyed, so much so that she went on to get a teaching qualification and was now a certified Physics Teacher. Clyde, in between recording sessions for his and Lincoln's video game commentary channel, had been lending his baking talents to a small establishment that specialised in catering to disadvantaged youngsters. Clyde's dishes were so successful, the manager offered to hire him full-time.
"You should do it. You and Sid would make a lovely home for yourselves. RA and I will be fine on our own, trust me," Lincoln encouraged.
"What about Clincoln McCloud Commentaries? Don't you need me?" Clyde probed.
"That was just a hobby. I never intended for it to be a permanent career choice. I need something more sustainable. Maybe I should take up that offer of a job in that video game store we always got our games from," Lincoln resolved.
"Greg's Games 'n Gear? They were good to us," Clyde recalled.
"Greg really has turned his life around after that run-in with Lynn when we were kids," Lincoln added. Since Greg and his buddy Elliot got pranked by Luan and Benny and threatened with a beatdown from Lynn, Greg had started seeing life in a new light. He straightened himself out, knuckled down at school, got passing grades, and worked his way up to owning and managing a successful video game, collectible, and trading card store, which was a stark contrast from Elliot, who went down the opposite path and found himself in and out of prison and unable to hold down a job. "But any questions surrounding my career plans can be answered after the honeymoon cruise. While I do like being my own boss, the ever-present threat of ad revenue and art commissions drying up is something I could do without," Lincoln concluded. Before Lincoln could contemplate his employment further, a knock came from the door. Lincoln opened it, and the sight of his oldest sister Lori and a small boy with blonde hair and a fairly dark skin tone greeted him.
"Hey, there's my champ. How are things?" Lincoln welcomed his nephew Arthur with a smile and a hug.
"Good, thanks Uncle Linc," Arthur responded.
"We just came to tell you everything's ready in the main hall. All that's left are the brides and grooms," Lori updated.
"Well, guess that's our cue. Why don't you go get your Tia Ronalda, Arthur. I'm sure she'll be ecstatic to see you," Lincoln suggested.
"Yay! Tia Ronalda!" Arthur said gleefully.
"We were just on our way over. Double wedding is ago in fifteen," Lori notified, and she and Arthur left to go see Arthur's favourite aunt. Truth be told, Arthur loved all of his aunts. If it wasn't Luan and her clown routines, it was Luna teaching him all sorts of instruments. Lynn always found time to throw a ball around with him, and Leni made him the most adorable sweaters every Christmas. However, he loved his Tia Ronalda's trips to the zoo and rides on the subway most of all. Even though Ronnie Anne and Sid had moved out of the city, they still visited Lana and Adelaide's place in Great Lakes City and enjoyed the perks of free zoo entry, and speaking of Ronnie Anne and Sid, the two women were just getting ready for the double wedding in their room, the greatest moment of their lives, when Sid decided to broach a topic of conversation she had on her mind for a while.
"So, you spoken to Lincoln yet?" Sid asked.
"About what?" Ronnie Anne replied.
"You know, your desire to put a little Lincoln in there," Sid then pointed at Ronnie Anne's stomach. It was true that, since Ronnie Anne first held Arthur not long after he was born, that her desire to have a child with Lincoln began. She came up with every excuse she could to initiate 'relations' with Lincoln in the hopes of bearing his fruit, but Lincoln was insistent on protection every single time.
"I haven't been direct with him about it. I didn't want our child to be planned, but rather just happen naturally, like Arthur did," Ronnie Anne recalled.
"Maybe that's why he proposed to you. Maybe he could sense your wish for a child and wanted to marry you so it wouldn't be born out of wedlock. Lincoln always did strike me as the gentleman type," Sid hypothesised.
"Or maybe he got wedding fever after Luna and Luan got hitched to their spouses. Either way, I don't regret saying yes," Ronnie Anne countered.
"Neither do I regret saying yes to Clyde. He, along with you, saved me from a downward spiral. Before you asked me to….you know, dabble…..with you, I had considered…." Sid began.
"Considered what?" Ronnie Anne probed. Sid then looked back and forth to make sure they were alone in the room before giving her answer.
"Selling myself. I was that addicted, and a little strapped for cash. I don't like to think about that now. I have a great life, wonderful friends, and soon, a charming husband. That's all behind me now," Sid confessed. Ronnie Anne was shocked to say the least. She knew that Sid was desperate to find a lover that she hooked up with anyone she could, but they were all interested in one thing, and Ronnie Anne also knew that Sid was deep into hook-up culture for fear of being left behind, but she never knew Sid had considered selling her body for sex. This revelation only cemented the fact that Ronnie Anne made the right decision when she asked Sid if she wanted to experiment with her. Ronnie Anne then pulled Sid into a tight hug.
"I don't ever want to hear about you even thinking of doing that again, you hear me?" Ronnie Anne tearfully demanded. Sid returned the gesture.
"Never, Ronnie. I promise," Sid vowed. The two then broke apart and returned to more pleasant topics of conversation.
"Back to future kids, has Clyde told you if he wants any? Could you imagine carrying a mini-Clyde around?" Ronnie Anne inquired. Sid then took Ronnie Anne's hand and placed it on her stomach. This, Ronnie Anne realised, was Sid's way of telling her bestie that she was expecting. "How long?" Ronnie Anne asked.
"About two weeks. I only found out yesterday after I barfed up Clyde's Viennese Whirls. I took a test to eliminate other possibilities. It's one of the reasons I've been especially eager for us to get our own place," Sid explained.
"And you told me before you told him. He is going to love that," Ronnie Anne remarked.
"I was planning on breaking it to him after the wedding reception and we're alone together. He never told me anything about wanting kids. I'm scared how he'll react," Sid disclosed.
"This is Clyde we're talking about. He adores you. I'm sure he'll be over the moon," Ronnie Anne assured.
"I hope you're right," Sid replied. Just then, a knock on the door came. Ronnie Anne opened it to find her sister-in-law Lori and her nephew Arthur on the other side. Ronnie Anne immediately made to hug and carry her beloved nephew.
"Awwww, did you come to see your Tia Ronalda? You look so handsome in that suit," Ronnie Anne gushed, sending Arthur into a fit of giggles.
"Everything's ready for you two. The ceremony's about to begin," Lori informed.
"Then we'd better get going. All together now," Ronnie Anne responded. She set Arthur down and all four of them made their way to the main hall. Down the other end of the aisle, Ronnie Anne and Sid could see Lincoln and Clyde waiting lovingly for them. As Arturo Santiago and Stanley Chang walked their respective daughters down the aisle, wedding music could be heard throughout the room. Among the guests were the Loud and McBride parents, all of Lincoln's sisters, their respective romantic partners, and the Casagrandes, as well as friends consisting of Casey, Sameer, Laird, Nikki, Stella Zhau, Rusty Spokes, and Zach Gurdle. Liam Hunnicut acted as best man to both grooms, while Carlota took her place as maid of honour to Ronnie Anne and Sid. To Lincoln's surprise, it was Mr. Grouse, the Loud family's long-suffering neighbour, who was officiating the wedding.
"Mr. Grouse? How many lasagnas did it take to convince you to do this?" Lincoln probed.
"None. You were the one that rallied two families together to help me spend time with mine on Christmas all those years ago. This was my way of paying off that debt," Mr. Grouse answered.
"When this is done, we'll be even," Lincoln responded.
"Well, with that squared away... Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite the couples Lincoln Loud and Ronalda Santiago, and Clyde McBride and Sidney Chang in holy matrimony. Throughout the years, I have seen the Loud family at its best and at its worst. I've certainly heard it all as well. Still, as one by one, each Loud child moved out, I started to miss the chaos, in some weird way. Now, I have to ask this, but if there is anyone here who can give just reason as to why these couplings should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace," Mr. Grouse began the ceremony in earnest. At this point, Lori turned around and looked menacingly at the guests while cracking her knuckles, non-verbally communicating that if anyone spoke, they would become a human pretzel. When nobody spoke, the wedding continued. "We'll proceed to the vows. Who wants to go first?" Mr. Grouse asked.
"I will," Lincoln volunteered. He then turned to face Ronnie Anne. "Ronalda Santiago. Through all the chaos of my life, you have kept me centered. You have made me smile when I felt like crying. You have been the brightest light of my life. My companion, my friend, my love, I gift to you my unending devotion. All that I am is yours for as long as I live," Lincoln vowed and placed a ring on Ronnie Anne's finger.
"Lincoln Loud, you have been the greatest constant of my life. You were there for me when I was lonely. You gave me a chance when no-one else would, and you were the light in my darkness. I would not be here now without you showing me the way. I pledge myself to you for the rest of my days," Ronnie Anne promised, and then placed a ring on Lincoln's finger.
"Truly touching. Now for the other couple to say their vows," Mr. Grouse indicated. Clyde then turned to face Sid.
"Sidney Chang. You came into my life when I was at my lowest. You healed my broken heart and have been the warmest companion I could've asked for. My time with you has been the best experience of my life. With this ring, I promise to make you just as happy as you make me," Clyde said lovingly, and placed a ring on Sid's finger.
"Clyde McBride. I was going down a dark path when you came along. You, along with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, saved and elevated me. I will always be grateful to you all for all that I have now. To you, especially, as my knight in shining armour, I vow to be my best self, and to repay this debt with all the love I can muster," Sid vowed, and placed a ring on Clyde's finger. With the vows complete, there was only one thing left.
"Do both Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride take the ladies Ronalda and Sidney as your respective lawfully wedded wives?" Mr. Grouse asked.
"We do," Lincoln and Clyde said simultaneously.
"And do both Ronalda and Sidney take Lincoln and Clyde as their respective lawfully wedded husbands?" Mr. Grouse inquired.
"We do," Ronnie Anne and Sid replied in kind.
"Then by the power vested in me by the state of Michigan, I now pronounce you husbands and wives. You may kiss your respective brides," Mr. Grouse concluded the ceremony, and the couplings of Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, and Clyde and Sid indulged in their first kisses as married couples, to great fanfare and applause. Everyone then made their way to the reception hall, where, as with all the other Loud weddings, Lynn Sr. had prepared everything himself. One had to wonder where he got all this energy, what with being both a father and grand-father. Once everyone had taken their seats at various tables, it was time for speeches. However, in a change of pace, Arturo used his words to push the reception in a new direction.
"Normally, with these things, it is customary to hear from the father of the bride, but since this is a double wedding, and we don't want Lynn's food to go cold while you listen to us talk, Stanley and I agreed to let the brides and grooms speak for themselves, while also say that we couldn't be prouder of our baby girls. True, the path they took getting here was… unorthodox. I will never forget hearing about that 'menage a trois' of theirs. But the end result couldn't be more beautiful. You chose well, Ronalda. May your lives together bring you much happiness," Arturo indicated. While Stanley Chang would've liked to give a speech at his daughter's wedding, his words would've mirrored Arturo's, and he would have another opportunity when it came time for Adelaide to get married. Always the man of action, Lincoln stood up to give his speech.
"Thank you, dear father-in-law, for regaling everyone here with a glimpse of what we got up to behind closed doors. Real fun start to this married life. In all seriousness, if you were to ask me when I first encountered Ronnie Anne if I saw myself marrying her, I would think you were nuts. I mean, marrying someone who shoved sandwiches down my pants, garbage in my locker, and gum in my hair? And gave me a black eye when I kissed her? True, I did have that coming. That'll teach me to listen to my sisters. But they were right about her liking me, and when I realised that, I gave her a chance, and I'd never look back. We've gotten loads better at communicating since we were kids, and now look at us, with the rest of our lives ahead of us. I couldn't think of a better life companion," Lincoln gave his speech and sat down. Now, it was Ronnie Anne's turn.
"First of all, I don't think I could apologise enough to Lincoln for those times. Any other person would've given up on me, but he didn't. He saw a better person underneath the exterior I built for myself and encouraged it to come out. I am a better person because of you, Lincoln, and I will always be grateful to you, even when I was pranking your butt off. Thanks to you, I have awesome friends, a loving family, and now, a bright future. I am who I am now because of you, Lincoln. I like who I see in the mirror now. I thank you, Lincoln, for this and for not siccing your sisters on me," Ronnie Anne joked and sat down. It was Clyde's turn to speak now.
"Having been Lincoln's best friend for pretty much all our lives, I have been witness to everything those two have been through. I even led our friendship group to help cure his 'post break-up blues' after Ronnie Anne moved. I've seen those two at their best and their worst. Conversely, they have seen me at my best and worst. They helped me find Sid when Chloe left. Lincoln was even willing to be both my fake and real boyfriend. Without them, I wouldn't have all this. Sid has been my everything, whether that be a playmate, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to in general. Like Ronnie Anne, I too am grateful to all of you," Clyde expressed and sat down. Sid then got up to speak.
"Like Clyde, I too was in a dark place before he came along. Like Clyde, I found myself with his help and that of my friends. Like Clyde, I too am grateful to him, Lincoln, and Ronnie Anne. We've had so much fun together. We've laughed together, cried together, and yes, even slept together I wouldn't trade any of that for the world. I can't wait to chart out the rest of our lives. Me, Clyde, and our child," Sid announced to the surprise of everyone present. Clyde shot up again and looked at Sid with a shock expression, that swiftly changed to sheer delight. He hugged Sid as close as he could. This signalled to Sid that he was ecstatic about becoming a father.
"Congrats, buddy!" Lincoln said.
"You've both got this," Ronnie Anne assured. Clyde and Sid then found themselves on the receiving end of a round of applause from the whole reception hall. Howard and Harold McBride in particular seemed especially elated at the prospect of become grandparents. Stanley and Becca Chang echoed this sentiment. Liam then stepped forward.
"I would like to voice my heartfelt best wishes to the new parents. I have been a friend to both Clyde and Lincoln since kindergarten. Out of all of us, I expected Rusty to be the first of us to bear fruit. Guess I owe Stella $10," Liam lamented.
"Why me?" Rusty probed.
"Be grateful. My money was on Lincoln," Clyde responded.
"There's still time," Ronnie Anne hinted.
"Anyway, I have seen and heard it all from the two husbands, though I sincerely wish I hadn't heard what you two did in my family barn!" Liam ranted. This garnered laughter from all present. "Oh sure, it's funny now, but you couldn't hear it from the other side of the door!" Liam carried on. The laughter only continued.
"Wait, you knew the whole time?" Lincoln realised.
"And you've kept it a secret?" Clyde asked.
"You're welcome. Regardless, it was your lives, and I was and still am proud to be a part of it. Thank you for asking me to be your best man," Liam said gratefully.
"One question; did you want to join in when you put two and two together, country boy?" Sid inquired teasingly.
"No," Liam answered bluntly.
"One thing you'll learn about Sid is that she has no filter. That's what makes her so endearing to me," Clyde explained.
"So it would seem. We all have food to eat, so let's get to it. I'm starving," Liam suggested. He then raised his glass. "To the brides and grooms," Liam led the toast.
"To the brides and grooms," everyone except Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, Clyde, and Sid said at once, and they all tucked into their reception dinners. As everyone tucked into their food, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, Clyde, and Sid had hushed discussions amongst themselves.
"We had gone six years without him bringing that up," Clyde recalled.
"Meh, not the worst place I've been almost busted doing 'that'," Lincoln dismissed.
"I still remember the time Clyde got us backstage passes to the set of 'Operation Dessert Storm'. We made something sweeter than flan in that kitchen," Sid recollected.
"And here I thought Clyde wouldn't go for something like that," Ronnie Anne mused.
"What can I say? Sid and Lincoln bring out the devil in me," Clyde cracked wise.
"Well, Clyde, in nine months, a little angel will come out of your wife. How are you feeling?" Lincoln probed.
"Scared, but excited at the same time. At least I'm not alone. What about you, Linc? Any plans?" Clyde inquired.
"After the honeymoon, we'll see," Lincoln deflected. At this point, everyone had eaten, and Luna tapped her glass with her spoon to get everyone's attention.
"Thank you, everyone. It has been the best privilege of my life to see my only brother and his bestie marry their sweethearts. Linc, you've done so much for us Louds, taking care of us every day, keeping us organised, and generally just being our rock. I feel it is time for us to do something for you. Which is why the Moon Goats have reunited for this one-time event, to sing you a song we felt most suited this glorious occasion. Everyone, to positions," Luna indicated. She, along with her wife Sam and their former bandmates Mazzy and Sully, took their instruments and their places on stage, and began to play:
When you tell me that you love me, by Diana Ross
I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do
I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth
And baby…
Every time you touch me, I become a hero
I'll make you safe no matter where you are
And bring you everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here
And baby…
Every time you touch me, I become a hero
I'll make you safe no matter where you are
And bring you everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
In a world without you
I will always hunger
All I need is your love
To make me stronger
And baby…
Every time you touch me, I become a hero
I'll make you safe no matter where you are
And bring you everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
When you tell me that you love me
The Moon Goats took a bow, and everyone applauded. Luna's singing voice only improved with time. Lori and Leni had run out of tissues to cry into when they heard the song.
"Please tell me someone filmed that. I'd like a copy," Lincoln requested.
"Way ahead of you, sport," Lynn Sr. obliged. He had revealed that he had filmed the entire show on his phone and would make a copy of the video file available to Lincoln, Clyde, Ronnie Anne, and Sid.
"Best wedding gift ever," Sid remarked.
"From the heart, dudes," Luna replied.
"I take it the honeymoon cruise has been booked?" Lori asked.
"Yep, and since the family would fall apart at the seems without me, I took the liberty of inviting all our other siblings along for the ride," Lincoln answered.
"Sorry Lori and I can't make it, Linc, but promise you'll tell us all about it when you get back," Leni requested.
"The deets will be all yours," Lincoln promised.
"Remind me again why we're bringing your family on our honeymoon?" Ronnie Anne interjected.
"It was Dad's idea. He wanted us to have one family vacation together before Benny and I became parents," Luan clarified.
"But he promises that we would have lots of time to ourselves," Lincoln assured.
"And you'll have all the time in the world to yourselves afterwards. Besides, everyone knows the honeymoon night is the most fun, and your family can't intrude on that," Sid stated.
"True, true, I have plenty of ideas to make that night fun," Ronnie Anne agreed.
"I know, I saw the tape," Sid teased, which made Ronnie Anne go red-faced. Everyone laughed and shared more merriment well into the night, until the time came for everyone to depart, and for the two couples to enjoy the rest of their lives in wedded bliss.
Author's note: Happy Christmas, Grace, Angel, and Anonymous. Here's your present. I hope you enjoy it, and that you don't mind sharing. My first double wedding. Long-time readers will know that these types of stories are my bread and butter, but I thought I'd challenge myself by doubling the content, if you will. This was hard. Going forward, I might just stick to one-couple weddings. The things I do for friends. The choice in song was obvious, though I am aware multiple versions exist. My favourite is the one sung by John Barrowman. Yes, Grace, Torchwood Man can sing. Who would've thought? The usual disclaimers, I own nothing. All properties, especially the song, belong to their respective owners. Enjoy.