Alexia drove into the gilded center of Rockford Hills. The tourist and shopping crowds were in full swing at this time of day. Freshly groomed poodles panted in the mid-day heat and women in designer dresses carried shopping bags with symbols Alexia didn't recognize. Jess instructed her to turn right on Portola Drive, the main road through Rockford Hills, and guided her to a metered parking spot on the curb. It was a tight fit, but Alexia was able to squeeze her red coupe between an SUV and a tricked-out sports car. Thankfully, she didn't have to parallel park, something she'd never had to do in South Yankton.
Jess reached into her purse and fetched some quarters. "Okay, girlfriend, let's get you a dress. You can get anything you want, and I'll pay for it."
Alexia gulped as she looked at the expensive-looking store across the street. She shuddered to even think how much the clothes cost in there.
"Uh-uh. Don't even think about offering to contribute," Jess said, reading her mind. "You just save your money for your brothers, and I'll take care of the rest."
Alexia blinked in disbelief. Buying her food was one thing, but it was another to buy her expensive designer clothes. Internally, she thought Jess's efforts misguided – as scrawny and ugly as she was, it would take more than a nice dress to make her look presentable. The last thing Alexia wanted was for her new friend to waste money. However, Jess seemed to think differently, and Alexia couldn't understand why as they walked up Portola Drive and crossed to the east side of the street.
Like most of the Midwest, South Yankton could get pretty hot in the summer. Alexia had spent so much time outdoors hunting that she was used to the elements, even if her pale skin was largely incapable of tanning. As she walked though, she could feel how much stronger the Sun was in Los Santos. UV rays reflected off a bleached sidewalk and absorbed into her dark, baggy clothes. The desert air was hot and dry and tinged with pollution, making her lungs burn a little as she walked beside Jess, who opened the door to Ponsonby's.
The air-conditioned sales floor felt like a gust of cool wind ripping through the plains. Alexia's vision was tinted with green from the bright Sun.
"Hello, welcome," the older woman behind the cash register said without enthusiasm.
"Hi, Donna." Jess smiled at the woman and pointed at Alexia. "My friend here needs a fashion makeover. Don't worry though, I'll pay for it this time."
"See that you do, Jess," Donna replied, still frowning. "Otherwise, the police will be called this time."
"Oh Donna, you're silly," Jess said with a laugh. "C'mon, Lexi, the dresses are over here."
Jess seemed to know her way around the store. She guided Alexia to the rear wall, where a selection of elegant dresses hung on a display rack.
"I had a run-in with that lady a few weeks back," Jess whispered to Alexia. "I tried to steal some earrings. We're all good now 'cause I talked my way out of it, but she's probably gonna be watching us the whole time we're here."
"I wasn't planning to steal anything," Alexia whispered back.
"Oh good, you're not a kleptomaniac like me." Jess sighed in relief. "Well, don't make her think you're here to shoplift then."
Alexia nodded, looking over the dresses in front of her. As a child of poverty, her eyes naturally went to the price tags first, and she was shocked to her core by what she saw.
Nine thousand dollars for a dress. Alexia's fingers trembled as they gripped the price tag.
"You like that one?" Jess reached for the garment Alexia had picked and held out one of its sleeves. "I think this would look cute on you."
Alexia swallowed. "It's nine thousand-"
"I told you not to worry about that!" Jess whispered sharply.
"Yeah, but Jess, that's ridiculous for a-"
"Is everything okay over there?" The cashier was looking at them intensely, right hand hovering over the phone by her register.
"Yeah, everything's fine, Donna," Jess said with a smile. "It's her first time here, I'm trying to help her decide on a look."
Donna nodded, letting her hand drop to her side but continuing to watch them.
Jess laughed uncomfortably, looking sideways at Alexia. "Look, I make really good money as a pilot, okay? Just try it on and see what you think. No harm in that, right?"
Alexia's whole world felt like it was crumbling around her. The amount Jess was offering to pay was not only more than her monthly rent, but it was more than the value of her family's property in South Yankton. All of Alexia's clothes had come from donation boxes and the bargain bins of thrift stores – she doubted if all the clothes she'd ever worn in her life added up to nine thousand dollars, but there in front of her was a single dress with that price tag.
She could feel herself getting overwhelmed, but Jess was having none of it. She took the dress off the rack and handed it to her.
"Changing room's right over there." Jess pointed to a section at the back of the store, next to the underwear racks. "What size shoe do you wear?"
"I'm a six," Alexia mumbled while looking at the floor.
"Okay, I'm gonna look around for a bit, and I'll meet you over there."
Jess headed to the other end of the store where the shoes were. Alexia walked carefully while holding the expensive dress, holding it up so it didn't snag on her foot. The last thing she wanted was to throw even more money down the drain.
Finding an open changing room, Alexia slid the velvet curtain closed and hung the dress on a hook. She looked up at it like it was a cross made of pure gold, even if black lace wasn't quite as valuable. Still, nine grand was nine grand, and she couldn't overlook this fact as she slipped out of her flannel shirt and peeled off her tank top.
Alexia looked at her half-naked self in the mirror and frowned, shaking her head. She remembered one of the more frequent names she was called by her bullies in school: 'Cutting Board'.
Cassandra, her main bully, had come up with the name in the locker room after gym class one day, and it had spread quickly. Her classmates would sometimes throw vegetables at her during lunch and make chopping motions with their hands. Whenever her gym class played dodgeball, the other girls would aim hard throws specifically at her chest – in Cassandra's words, this was to 'encourage growth', but she'd only received angry red welts and the occasional bruise. She remembered stuffing her bras with tissues before gym class each day so she could have some protection, although this didn't really work. She also remembered the time she'd discovered an actual wooden cutting board had been taped to her locker, which had the words 'KILL YOURSELF' carved into it.
The memory hit Alexia like a tidal wave as she kicked off her shoes and stepped out of her jeans. The memories had gotten easier to stomach over time, even if she was no less of a 'cutting board' as an adult. Alexia knew she was absolutely nothing compared to Jess, and that no amount of money she could throw at the problem would make it any less true.
She wished she could tell Jess she was making a huge mistake, but Jess seemed too stubborn to accept this. Alexia pulled the dress up over her body and put her arms through the sleeves, then reached behind her and zipped up the back.
"Lexi?" she heard from outside the curtain. "You decent in there?"
Alexia sighed. "Yeah, come on in."
The curtain was peeled back, and Jess gasped, putting a hand to her mouth and almost dropping the other items in her hand.
Alexia looked at the floor. "What do you think?"
"I think you're freaking adorable!" Jess said with a grin. "You look really good, Lexi."
Alexia frowned. She assumed Jess was just lying to make her feel better. As she lifted her eyes to the mirror, she was fully expecting to see something hideous.
The sleeves were long and made of a transparent fabric that was embroidered with a black floral pattern, allowing white skin to contrast against the sheer black lace. The hem was of a similar design and reached within four or five inches of her knees, as was the dress's high neckline. Despite its modesty, the black fabric was breathable, not too clingy, and felt like velvet against her skin – she could feel every penny of the nine thousand dollar price tag, and she noticed it looked surprisingly good on her too.
Alexia blinked hard as she looked at herself – she couldn't even remember the last time she'd worn a dress. However, she liked the feeling a lot more than she'd expected to. If nothing else, this outfit would be a lot more comfortable in the Los Santos heat.
She felt Jess's hands come up behind her and reach around her waist, fastening something around her midsection.
"Just a belt." Jess shrugged. "Totally optional, but it adds a little more shape."
Jess tightened the silver fabric belt just above Alexia's waistline, giving the appearance of a fuller bust. She also slipped a black Perseus handbag over Alexia's right shoulder, then got her to step into a pair of shiny black pumps with low heels.
Looking down at her attire, Alexia was completely stunned. She'd been expecting to be disappointed, but instead she noticed she actually looked decent. What kind of witchcraft Jess had worked to make it so, she wasn't sure.
"You like it?" Jess asked, kneeling beside her. "You can tell me if it's too much black. I won't get offended or anything."
"It's…Jess, I…"
Alexia started a response but couldn't finish it. At first, she'd felt massively out of her league trying on the expensive outfit, and she knew it was foolish, but she found herself starting to grow attached to how pretty it made her look. It had only taken nine thousand dollars to do it, but it had finally happened.
She thought about all those nights back home in her bedroom, ruminating on how ugly and worthless she was, how she would never amount to anything because she couldn't get a job. Every interview she'd ever gone to had ended in anxious stuttering, a panic attack, or the mention of her criminal record – sometimes all three. Even minimum-wage positions had wanted nothing to do with her, and her mom had often let her know just how pathetic she was.
On really bad nights, she would go out in the grasslands with her hunting rifle, like her dad had done all those years ago. Sitting underneath the stars next to a portable radio playing her favorite songs, she would load one round into the gun, then press the muzzle to her chin, the voice in her head telling her to pull the trigger and end her miserable life.
But she could never go through with it. Her thoughts had always gone back to her brothers – as much as she hated herself, Alexia loved them, and she didn't want them to be left grieving their sister.
She tried to stop it, but the tears came too fast. Before she knew it, she was full-on sobbing, and Jess was pulling her into a tight hug.
Jess didn't talk – instead, she held Alexia close, letting her cry without judgement. The fabric of Jess's dress absorbed her friend's tears and muffled her gasping sobs, which caused her thin shoulders to tremble as the emotions and the memories overcame her.
They stood like this for a while, Jess patting her firmly on the back to remind her that she had a friend. When she had calmed down somewhat, Jess guided her gently over to a bench in the dressing room. They both sat down, Alexia's face beet red and her nose and eyes dripping. What was left of her makeup had been washed away by the tears.
Jess took her hand and gripped it tight. "It's gonna be okay, Alexia. I promise. You're gonna succeed here because you deserve to be happy. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise because let me tell you, it's a hundred percent true."
Alexia sniffed, her throat still too tight to respond. Jess offered her a Fluffs tissue from her purse, which Alexia gratefully took, using it to blow her nose.
There was no denying she was depressed and had been for years. She'd been prescribed anti-depressants in juvie, which had helped in overcoming her self-hatred and making friends, but psychiatrists were so expensive on the outside that she'd had to stop. Still, she couldn't help but kick herself for breaking down crying in front of a veteran member of the Skulls. She considered herself extremely lucky Jess wasn't judging her more harshly.
Eventually, the wave of emotion passed, and she was able to breathe more comfortably. She looked down again at the dress, the shoes, and the black Perseus handbag with a red velvet lining. Then sat up and looked at Jess, who smiled at her as they met eyes.
Alexia swallowed. "Thank you for all that you've done, Jess…I'm really sorry for getting upset."
"Don't apologize for that, silly." Jess smiled and punched her in the arm. "You don't have to apologize for having emotions."
Alexia smiled, balling up the tissue in her hands. "Well, despite the tears, I really like the dress. I was just thinking about some stuff from my past, is all."
"Understood." Jess nodded. "I get those sometimes too actually, 'cause I had a pretty fucked up childhood. I can tell you about that later if you want, but that's a whole-ass story right there."
Alexia looked around at the changing room, realizing it wasn't exactly private. She wondered how much of her sobbing had been overheard by other shoppers nearby.
Regardless, she had to admit she felt better after letting those emotions out. She was extremely lucky her uncle had picked someone like Jess to help her get settled in the Skulls. It was just hard for her to believe this was the same woman who had laughed after shooting a guy's nuts off earlier that day.
Jess laid a hand on her shoulder. "If you're ready, we can go check this stuff out at the register. Donna's gonna get suspicious if we're in the changing room too long."
"Weren't you gonna get a dress too?" Alexia asked.
"Nah," Jess said with a smile. "I mean, mine still smells like gunpowder and blood, but the guys in this crew kinda dig that. I was just wanting to get you looking all nice and sexy before the party. And I'm still gonna get you that haircut, by the way."
Alexia smiled back and nodded. "Well Jess, I…I'd just like to make a request of you, if that's alright."
"Sure, girlfriend. What do you need?"
Alexia swallowed. She didn't know how Jess was going to take this, but she felt like she needed to get it out just as badly as the tears.
"I'd like the opportunity to pay you back someday," said Alexia. "Maybe not now, but once I'm financially secure and I've sent some money to my brothers. I know you told me you're buying me things so we can trust each other, but I don't want this to be the foundation of our friendship. I think it would be better in the long run if we were on more level playing ground."
"Oh…" Jess's eyes lowered, her smile disappearing. "I'm sorry, Lexi, I didn't know you saw it that way."
"No, you're good." Alexia took Jess's hand. "I mean, my uncle's given me some stuff to get me started out here, but I'm gonna be paying him back through my service to the crew. I'd like to do the same for you, if that's okay."
Jess looked like she hadn't been expecting this from Alexia, and that her words had caused her to second-guess her approach to friendship.
"I mean, if you want to." Jess shrugged. "But seriously, give some cash to your brothers before you even think about paying me. And I'm not gonna keep hounding you to do it either, you're gonna have to remember."
"That's okay," said Alexia. "I have a pretty good memory."
Alexia smiled, and Jess smiled back. She helped Alexia stand up, then reached into her purse and fetched a pair of Stank sunglasses.
"You can wear these on the way out. Don't worry, I'll buy you some makeup too before we go to the party."
Alexia looked down at the sunglasses, a designer brand that looked like a backup pair for Jess. She took the glasses and looked at herself in the mirror again – while it looked strange to wear sunglasses indoors, she didn't want the other people in the store to see her smeared makeup and her red-rimmed eyes.
She decided to wear her new outfit to the counter, letting Donna scan the price tags on each new piece of attire and stuffing her previous clothes in a shopping bag. The total was just under fourteen thousand dollars. Jess paid for all of it with a silver credit card with the word 'Shark' indented on it. Alexia had never heard of this brand of card, but she supposed it made sense Jess wasn't carrying tens of thousands in cash on her person.
On their way out of the store, Jess handed Alexia the printed receipt, which she stuffed in her new purse. Despite the high cost of her outfit, she was fully intending to pay Jess back. After all, this was more than just a dress to her – this was that all-elusive beast known as self-confidence that she was severely lacking, but which Jess carried in abundance. In a way, she supposed she was paying Jess for lending some of this self-confidence to her.
Still, that didn't make it easy to walk in her new heels. Alexia's ankles wobbled a bit as she walked down the sidewalk. These were only low block heels, but she'd worn nothing but tennis shoes and combat boots back home.
"Try to take smaller steps." Jess demonstrated with her own much higher heels. "Lean slightly back, and always go heel-to-toe, not the other way around."
Alexia tried this technique, which made it a bit easier, although she still found herself putting out her hands to balance herself.
Jess smiled. "Don't worry, it takes a little bit of practice. I was in beauty pageants as a kid, so I'm used to it."
"Yeah, you were running in your heels during the job," Alexia remembered, looking up at Jess like she was a Greek goddess.
"It's no big deal," said Jess as she walked slowly beside her friend. "Believe me, I fucking hated those beauty pageants, but my psycho bitch of a mom kept forcing me to compete in them."
Alexia frowned. She knew what it was like to have an abusive mom, but she didn't feel like talking about her. "Curtis was saying you were in movies as a kid?" she asked Jess.
"Mm-hmm." A smile crossed Jess's lips. "When I was five, a Vinewood movie agent saw me at a pageant in South Carolina, where I'm from. Promised to make me a star. I didn't have a say in any of it of course, but my mom accepted immediately, and I had a miserable fucking childhood because of it."
Jess scoffed, throwing her long blonde hair over her left shoulder. She looked like she was remembering something heavy, and Alexia listened, ready to intervene if Jess needed it. But for the moment, Jess looked like she just wanted to vent.
"What a fucking money-hungry bitch," Jess growled. "I mean, I told her several times how unhappy I was, how I didn't have any friends and how I never got to be a kid because I was always working. But she didn't give a shit – we had this big house in Vinewood Hills, a yacht, we went to the country club every weekend, and she wasn't ready to lose that stuff because I dared to have emotions." She looked at Alexia. "By the way, if you're ever feeling anything heavy again, feel free to let it out around me. I don't wanna treat you like my mom treated me."
"Sure, Jess," Alexia said quietly. "You can do the same with me, by the way. I'm not the best at comforting people, but I'll try to support you as best I can."
"Thanks, girlfriend." Jess smiled.
Alexia returned a smile and nodded. "So, did you just move out when you turned eighteen?"
"It was a bit more complicated than that," Jess remembered, looking up at the sky. "When I was eight, my dad came back in the picture: he'd left my mom after I was born, but after I started getting big in Vinewood, he came crawling back so he could live in luxury. Meanwhile, I'd started growing boobs, so they decided to restrict my calories. They wouldn't let me have milk, chocolate, gluten, anything that could make me develop faster. They wanted me to look as young as possible for movie roles so their lazy asses wouldn't have to start working again."
"God…" Alexia put a hand to her mouth. "I…I'm so sorry, Jess."
"It's okay." Jess nodded. "It's not like it worked, anyway. By the time I was thirteen, I was taller than both of my parents, and my mom was making me bind my chest on set. Richards Majestic didn't wanna give me big roles anymore, so I started acting in more obscure films, horror movies, even a couple of voice roles." She smiled a bit. "I actually wasn't lying to that mechanic back there. I was in the original English dub for Princess Robot Bubblegum, although I just voiced her sidekick Saki. That was actually my very last role before I went to a mental institution."
They walked by a couple of women on the sidewalk, and Jess stopped talking for a bit until they passed. Alexia could guess that she didn't want people overhearing why she was put in an institution.
She sighed, frowning as she clutched her purse to her chest. "Me and my dad were at a red carpet event. I had a small role in the first Water Torture movie back in the early 2000's, so we were invited to the premiere. My dad was giving an interview to a reporter, I think it was Lazlow from Fame or Shame. I was standing beside him, trying to hide how unhappy I was, like I had the past few years…But I couldn't do it anymore. I kept hearing this voice in my head, saying that it knew I wanted out and telling me just how to do it. So I grabbed my dad, threw him to the ground, and then I bit off a chunk of his ear on live television."
Jess's face fell as she said this. She stopped under an awning for a minute, leaning her back against a wall as her hair fell into her face. Alexia came up beside her and held her hand, although she could feel her blood freezing in her veins.
She hadn't realized it until that moment, but Alexia had actually seen Jess on TV many years before they'd met. She remembered watching Weazel News when she was around ten years old – one segment featured a young teen actress biting her dad's left ear off, then smiling at the camera with a chunk of skin and cartilage in her teeth before she was tackled by security and put in handcuffs. She remembered being incredibly disturbed by the girl's smile and turning the TV off, then going out for target practice so she could try and forget about it.
She remembered Jess smiling at the street race the previous night. It was a very similar smile to the blood-stained one Alexia had seen on television almost ten years ago, and even though it had unsettled her in that moment, she hadn't been able to connect the dots until Jess had told her. She hadn't thought she would ever get to meet the actress from that news program ten years ago, or that she would somehow be connected to her uncle's crew.
However, Alexia figured she shouldn't tell this to Jess, who looked like she was about to start crying.
"It just…" Jess squeezed her eyes shut. "I didn't wanna do it, y'know? But him and my mom kept threatening me, saying they were gonna put me in a conservatorship if I didn't keep on my diet and do exactly as they wanted. I just couldn't take it anymore, and that voice was telling me that doing something so drastic, so gruesome, was the only way I could get out."
Alexia nodded, squeezing Jess's hand harder. "Hey, everyone has their breaking point. Sounds like your parents pushed you well past yours."
"Yeah." Jess sniffed. "I mean, I kept trying to tell them that, but they never listened. They just thought I was being an ungrateful brat, and they would always punish me. Locking me in rooms, making me exercise for hours on end, changing my medication without telling me…The voice told me that if my dad didn't wanna listen, I should make sure he could never listen again."
Jess sighed. She looked disgusted with herself for saying this.
"But I got away in the end," she continued. "At the hospital, they diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I stayed in institutions until I was nineteen, when the Skulls broke into my hospital and freed some of the more violent patients. I kinda just wandered out in the confusion, but I was recruited and taught how to fly planes. I've been in the crew ever since."
"Jesus Christ, Jess…"
"Yeah. It's fucked up, huh?" Jess sighed, her eyes distant. "But on the bright side, I feel more at home in the Skulls than I ever did with my parents…My mom hung herself after I was committed, because she couldn't live with the shame. I think my dad moved back home after, but I'm not a hundred percent on that. Either way, I want nothing to do with that enabling bastard."
"I don't blame you." Alexia looked up at her friend. "You were telling me back there that I deserve to be happy. Well, if that's true, then you deserve to be happy and loved. You definitely deserve better than what your parents offered you."
Jess smiled, although her eyes were sad, much sadder than Alexia had seen them in the short time they'd been acquainted. She pulled Alexia into a hug, which she returned, feeling the sun-soaked fabric of Jess's dress against her skin.
The awning was providing relief from the brutally hot Sun overhead. Despite being in a strange land with even stranger people, Alexia felt safe being hugged by Jess. After learning of her upbringing, Alexia couldn't really blame Jess for being a bit unstable. Jess may have been wealthy growing up, but if other rich parents were like Jess's, Alexia reckoned she would prefer being poor.
Jess sighed and pulled away from the hug.
"Anyway, sorry about that impromptu trauma dump." She attempted a laugh. "Sometimes, that shit just wants to get out, and not everyone in the crew likes to listen."
"You're okay, Jess." Alexia smiled. "I've got no problems listening to you."
"Yeah, but still, I'll try not to do it too often – kinda spoils the mood, y'know?" Jess shrugged. "Besides, I really want you to have some fun at the party tonight."
"I'm not gonna get too crazy, okay?" said Alexia as they continued walking.
"That's fine. I was just thinking we could have a drink or two, maybe dance a little, and I can introduce you to some of my friends. It'll be nice and laid-back."
Alexia grimaced, folding her hands together. She wasn't sure how to tell Jess she'd never drunk alcohol before, or that the idea of dancing in front of other people made her chest tighten. She was pretty comfortable talking to Jess, but regardless, Alexia knew just how lame she was.
Then again, she thought, her moving to Los Santos was a huge leap of faith. She didn't want to end up an alcoholic like her mother, but as long as Jess limited their consumption to a drink or two, Alexia figured she could indulge a little bit. It wasn't like someone could become an alcoholic after one drink.
The girls finally reached the high-end salon of Bob Mulét, whose name was engraved in gold lettering on the shop's front door. Alexia's feet were hurting from walking in her heels – she practically stumbled into the shop as Jess opened the door for her, taking off her sunglasses so she could see better.
"Jess, darling, how are you?" a high-pitched voice greeted them.
"Hey there, Bob. You think you could squeeze in my friend here?"
"For sure! Just give me a minute, okay?" Bob Mulét motioned to his hands, which were busy at work on the hair of an older female client.
Jess guided Alexia to the waiting area and handed her a magazine full of female haircuts. She and Jess sat down on a nice, spacious couch as she looked through the different available hairstyles, the air permeated with the smell of ozone.
"Bob's really nice," Jess said with a smile. "I've been going to him for a long time, 'cause he knows exactly how to do my curls."
Jess threw her blonde locks over her shoulder, crossing her legs as she sat.
Alexia felt of her own messy black hair, which fell into her eyes as she removed the band holding her ponytail in place. It had been a couple of years since her last haircut, but if Los Santos was going to be this hot every day, getting rid of some of it would be beneficial. However, making her as pretty as Jess was still a pipe dream in her eyes.
Knowing this, one of the hairstyles immediately stood out. By the time Bob Mulét deposited the older woman in a dryer chair and called Alexia over, she knew exactly what she wanted.
"How are you today, sweetheart?" Bob asked as she sat down.
"I-I'm okay," Alexia said quietly, then pointed to the picture she'd selected. "I think I wanna do this one here."
"Sure!" Bob's eyes lit up. "You're okay with losing that much hair?"
Alexia smiled faintly and nodded, her eyes fixed on the floor.
"Alright then. Just sit back, relax, and let me work my magic."
"Th-thank you." Alexia clutched her hands in her lap as he placed a black cape around her neck.
"No need to thank me, hon." Bob Mulét shrugged and withdrew a spray bottle of water, misting her hair a bit. "Truth is, I'd do this for free if I could, but I've gotta pay my dues to Epsilon somehow."
"Kifflom." The older woman in the dryer chair behind Alexia raised her right hand.
"Kifflom, sister-mother!" Bob smiled and copied her gesture.
Alexia raised her hand as well, but she didn't speak. They seemed fairly excited by this word's utterance, and she wasn't sure how to tell them she didn't know what a 'Kifflom' was.
Bob made occasional small talk with Alexia as he cut her hair, to which she responded with few words. Knowing she was still a fugitive, she didn't want to give too much information about herself to non-criminals. She also knew that the mugshot they had on file in South Yankton showed a girl with messy black hair that fell into her eyes. The more she could change her appearance, the less someone could potentially recognize her and rat her out.
At one point, Jess glanced at her watch and left the waiting area, heading out the front door. She came back a few minutes later noticeably different – her sky blue eyes were wide as quarters, and she was sniffling every few seconds, sitting up straight and glancing around the room as she swiped at her nose with a tissue.
Alexia could guess what this meant, and it broke her heart to see. She'd noticed that the more she'd gotten to know Jess, the more attached she'd become to this strange girl. She may have done some messed-up things in the short time they'd known each other, but Alexia could recognize the goodness hidden underneath a shell of eccentricity. If Jess wasn't a good person at heart, Alexia thought, she wouldn't have gone so above and beyond in helping her, buying her new clothes and a haircut with her own hard-earned money.
Alexia had known a couple of schizophrenic girls back in juvie, but neither of them had been violent: they'd both been in for drug possession. As one of them had put it, she'd been self-medicating with weed because it was one of the only things that helped her symptoms – hearing voices, lack of executive functioning, thinking people were out to hurt them and their families.
She saw Jess look up from the tissue she'd been using to dab at her nose. She waved at Alexia, and Alexia waved back, although her heart secretly ached for Jess. If she was self-medicating her schizophrenia with hard drugs, Alexia knew it would be more difficult for her if she ever decided to quit. Would a criminal even bother to quit drugs, knowing they would be constantly exposed to them as part of their work?
Alexia didn't know, but she told herself she would support whatever Jess decided to do. After hearing that miserable story about her childhood, Alexia knew that Jess deserved to be happy, and she resolved to help her achieve happiness in any way she could.
She could feel a blow dryer against the bare skin of her neck. She'd been so focused on Jess that she hadn't noticed how much lighter her scalp felt.
"Okay, sweetheart," said Bob, withdrawing the blow dryer. "You ready to see the new you?"
"Y-yeah, I guess so," said Alexia, looking down at the piles of jet-black hair on the salon floor.
Bob turned her around, and Alexia lifted her eyes to the mirror, not sure what to expect.
Alexia's lips parted as she looked at herself, both green eyes visible beneath much shorter bangs. She quickly noticed her slightly bushy eyebrows and her forehead, along with her ears, which she was so used to having covered but which were now out in the open, the cool salon air feeling like mint leaves on her skin.
She blinked, trying to comprehend the image. She'd chosen the style (a 'pixie cut', she remembered it was called) because of how different it would make her look. Not only did Alexia not recognize herself in the mirror, but she noticed the style complimented her features, rather than hiding them like her previous haircut. She hadn't expected showing more of her ugly face would have accomplished this, but she'd apparently been wrong.
"You like it?" Bob asked. "We can try something else if you don't."
"No, that's…" Alexia let herself smile, her eyes lighting up. "I really like it. It looks good."
"Well, I'm glad, hon." Bob smiled back, removing the cape from her neck. "It was fun working with you."
"Yeah, I…Th-thank you…" Alexia trailed off, not knowing what else to say but too excited to look too deep for a response.
She stood up from the chair, still in shock as she walked to the waiting area.
"Whoa!" Jess's eyes went wide as she slammed her magazine down. "Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Lexi?"
Alexia laughed, touching shaking fingers to her face. She looked to her left and noticed a full-size mirror. With the short haircut and the nice dress, she did in fact look like a different person.
Jess put a hand to her heart. "Well, whoever you are, you have a super cute laugh. You should try to do it more often."
"S-sure…" Alexia smiled. She couldn't stop feeling of her new hair as Jess checked out, paying a woman at the front counter for Alexia's haircut. It was an extra one thousand dollars, but Alexia had planned on repaying Jess with interest anyway.
The girls walked up the sun-bathed sidewalk, Alexia feeling much more confident as she walked in her heels and carried the purse on her right shoulder.
"So, how you feeling?" Jess asked her.
"Better." Alexia tussled her hair a bit. "I've got a lot less weight to carry around now."
"Yeah, but do you feel pretty?"
"I…"
Alexia paused. She was feeling much better about herself, but she still had difficulty calling herself pretty. For so long, she'd been under the impression that someone like her could ever be described that way, no matter how she dressed herself up.
Jess shook her head. "You know I'm gonna keep buying you shit until you say you feel pretty, right?"
"Aw, Jess…" Alexia sighed, looking down at her clothes. "I mean, I do feel pretty, but…well, compared to you, I'm really not much."
"Then don't compare yourself to me," said Jess. "Or anyone, for that matter. Your happiness is the most important thing, Lexi. Once you take care of that, it'll be a lot easier for you to focus on what matters."
"Hmm." Alexia frowned. "I guess I'm just not used to thinking about myself."
"What do you mean?"
Alexia swallowed and looked up at Jess, who was tall enough to keep the Sun out of her eyes. "Back home, I was always thinking about my brothers. Making sure they got enough to eat, that they had enough school supplies and clothes to wear. I didn't really have the time or the money to look after my own needs. That's why I don't eat so much, by the way."
"Oh…" Jess's eyes fell. She looked genuinely sad to hear this from her new friend. "But your brothers love you back, don't they?"
"Yeah." Alexia smiled a bit. "I was in juvie for a couple of years, and they'd sometimes get rides from friends so they could drive up and visit me. And Anthony, he was always begging me to eat more. I had to hide the fact I was skipping meals for them."
"Well, that confirms it then," Jess said. "It sounds like they want their big sis to be okay wherever she is. They'd want her to be happy and healthy, and they'd want her to enjoy herself a bit. They wouldn't want you being so hard on yourself either."
Alexia's eyes moistened a bit. She knew Jess was right – her brothers hadn't liked how tired and sickly she was whenever she hadn't eaten for a couple of days. She remembered one time when they'd managed to sneak an entire deep dish pizza out of a school event for the football team, and they'd practically forced her to eat four slices and gulp down a two-liter of soda. They'd spent that entire night eating, watching sci-fi movies on the couch and laughing until their bellies ached.
The memory caused Alexia to choke up, knowing she wouldn't be seeing her brothers again for a long time. She didn't want to break down crying again, so she cleared her throat, balling her hands into fists.
"So…you're saying the happier I am, the more I can focus on my brothers?" she asked Jess
"That's exactly what I'm sayin'," Jess replied with a grin. "I don't know what it's like to have siblings, but if I had a big sister, I wouldn't want her going hungry for me. I'd want her to be happy in her own right before she started worrying about me."
"Yeah, but-"
"No 'buts', Lexi," said Jess. "You've gotta look after your own needs first. The more self-confidence you have, the easier it's gonna be to rise up the ranks, make some good money, and then give a piece to your brothers." Jess stopped, bending down to hug Alexia. "You can do it. I believe in you, girlfriend."
Alexia was going to respond, but she released the breath in her lungs and let herself be hugged, her head resting on Jess's left breast. It was assuring to hear her say that, since she didn't believe in herself a lot of the time. With a veteran like Jess supporting her though, maybe that would be easier.
Afternoon was transitioning to evening over Los Santos, the yellow sky pulsing and sickly, like an infected mass of flesh. The red Sun was like an entrance wound, bleeding onto the tops of the skyscrapers.