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The Glass Horse:
The Death of a Legend, Continued
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479

Corus
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I did not wait for my mother or brother when I left that room. It felt like my grandmother's words were chasing me down the hall as I ran for my own bedchamber. My sweet queen.

Queen.

Nothing could have prepared me to hear the woman who had been the queen all of my life call me the queen. But it was what I was now: the Queen of Tortall. I was only seventeen, and I was the highest ranked person in the realm. This wasn't supposed to be happening.

The more I thought, the more distressed I became, and the faster my heart started to beat. My body was covered in a cold sweat, and soon I gasped for air, not catching any. Tears streamed down my face. I scrambled for the window, hoping to be able to fill my lungs with the cool night air. My hands were shaking, so it took me several tries to unfasten the window latch. I threw open the shutters and stuck my head outside, but I was slapped in the face with muggy, humid, hot air that was harder to take in than the stuffy air inside the castle.

As I turned back into the room, I was vaguely aware of my brother in the doorway, yelling for our mother. She strode calmly into the room, coming to my side.

"Lia, breathe," she told me. "Just breathe."

"I can't," I gasped out, panting for air. She gripped my arms, trying to get me to take slow, deep breaths. "I can't," I gasped again. Mother finally looked to my brother.

"Get a basin of water," she told him calmly, still trying to get me to breathe properly. I tried, but I felt like my lungs had been seized by a strong, squeezing hand.

He returned quickly with a basin and a cup. Kazu tried to pour me a drink, but Mother seized the basin from his grasp and dumped it swiftly over my head. The shock of the cold water did the trick, breaking my panic. I was finally able to take a deep breath. My lungs rejoiced at the air that was finally filling them.

"Can you breathe now?" Mother asked. I nodded, still catching my breath. I rested my head on her shoulder, sobbing. Kazu came over and wrapped his arms around both of us.

"I want Da," I said, even though I knew that it helped no one to say it.

"I do too," she said, hugging me tighter. She let some tears fall, and I felt guilty for making her worry. "When you were born, none of us imagined that this would be the way you ascended to the throne. I'm so sorry you must bear this so young, but I did mean what I said to the family, Lia. You might be the queen now, but you're not alone. You have me and your brother, and lots of uncles, aunts, and cousins. It is going to be okay."

"Can I sleep by you tonight?" I asked my mother.

"Me too?" Kazu piped up.

"I don't want to be alone either," Mother said, looking between our faces. "Come along. Let's at least try to get some rest."

I did drift off, snuggled in between my mother and my brother, but it was not a restful sleep. My dreams were filled with my father and grandfather's faces.

...

The family gathered as usual for breakfast the next morning, but it was more out of habit than out of hunger. No one had slept much. My cousins had been informed of our sad news, and they looked just as broken as the rest of us now.

Over the course of the morning most of them trickled away to a sitting room until eventually it was just Uncle Liam, Mother, and Kazu left to sit with me. We didn't speak of it, but we were all waiting for my grandmother to come down, so we could make sure she was alright.

I looked to Uncle Liam and Mother. "What happens now?" I asked.

"Well, after we lost your father, your mother and I sat down with your grandparents to make plans in case something like this ever happened," Uncle Liam told me. "We didn't think it would, but here we are."

"What kind of plans?" my brother asked.

"According to the king's will, the throne will be in trust to your sister until her eighteenth birthday." Uncle Liam turned to me. "I will act as your regent until then, but you can be as hands-on with ruling as you'd like. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing any better than you."

"Grandfather would want us to do it together," I said, and Uncle Liam smiled at me.

"After we've had some time to grieve, we'll start planning the coronation," he went on. "There's also marriage and an heir to think about."

Marriage? An heir? This was all happening too quickly. I felt the beginnings of the previous nights' panic attack coming on, but I was pulled out of it when Mother kicked Uncle Liam under the table. He looked at her in surprise, as did I. Neither of us had time to further react, for the door opened and Grandmother Thayet came into the room. She smiled sadly at the four of us, and came to sit beside me, squeezing my hand. I could tell from the dark circles beneath her eyes that Grandmother hadn't slept well, if at all. It was the first time in my memory that she looked her sixty-one years.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked worriedly.

"All I need is tea, and we have that here. Thank you, my dear," she said, pouring herself a cup.

"Are you alright, Mother?" Uncle Liam asked. Grandmother's eyes drifted away for a moment.

"I miss him greatly. I am not sure it's sunk in that he won't be here anymore, and I don't know if this hurt will ever go away," she said flatly. "But I have a family that needs me right now. I hardly think your father would want me to lock myself away to mourn."

We all nodded, unsure what to say.

"Well, are we making plans?" Grandmother asked, and I wondered how much she had heard before she came into the room.

"Just vague ones," Mother said, fixing Liam with a glare.

"I should hope so," Grandmother said. "Lia has heirs- her brother. You- Liam, and Jasson. Both of you have children. This isn't like when your father ascended the throne. There's no reason to rush Lia towards these matters."

"Of course, Mother," Uncle Liam said, rubbing his sore shin. I was the only one who heard Kazu giggle, but I ignored him.

"Thank you," I said to my grandmother, feeling very grateful for the two strong women who sat with me. Uncle Liam's aid would be valuable as I transitioned to lead the country, but the support of these two would be my rock.

"I meant what I said, about us doing this together," Mother said.

"Can I still get my shield?" I asked, thinking of all of the years that I spent working towards that goal.

"I think it would be wise," Uncle Liam said, rubbing his sore shin. "We will likely move your Ordeal of Knighthood to this Midwinter so that it's done with before you have to start thinking about the Ordeal of Kinghood."

"I think we should put this into smaller steps," Mother said. "Focus on mourning and burying the King."

"I agree," I said, glancing at my grandmother again.

"There are plans for a funeral already," she said softly. "It's one of the things he did after Roald died, to make it easier on me, I guess. As if anything could make this easier." My brother glanced curiously at our grandmother, then leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder in a silent hug. A moment later, she smiled and put an arm around him.

"I already looked at the plans," Uncle Liam said. "Father was very thorough. All we need to do is decide what he'll be wearing."

Grandmother chuckled. "He could be helpless with his outfits sometimes. I will miss making sure he looks presentable before occasions at court." She glanced down at my brother, whose tunic was rumpled and socks were mismatched. "Although, perhaps there will be new opportunities in the future."

...

On the morning of Grandfather Jonathan's funeral I rose early and dressed in a dark tunic and leggings to steal a few moments to myself. The funeral was to be the family's first public outing since my grandfather's passing, and I knew that all eyes would be on me during the ceremony.

Avoiding servants and nobles alike, I picked my way through the still-dark hallways, making my way down to the catacombs. Grandfather was to be laid to rest in a tomb beside my father's. As I walked down this hallway, I ran my fingers over the carved names of the Conté kings and queens that had come before me, stopping at Roald VI.

I'd had another two panic attacks in the last few days- one when I was being fitted for my funeral gown, and the other when I entered Grandfather's study- now my study- for the first time as the queen. I felt another one coming on now as I traced the letters in my father's name.

I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths, as Mother had encouraged me to do when I started feeling anxious. As I inhaled for a fourth one, I realized that I smelled flowers. I opened my eyes to see a stunningly beautiful woman standing before me. Her emerald eyes and ruby red lips dazzled in a bright white face, made even paler by her jet-black hair. I had seen this woman's likeness in many forms across the realm.

The surprise of seeing the Great Mother Goddess before me banished my panic, and I fell to my knees before her.

"Hello, my daughter," her voice was husky and soft, resonating within my being.

"My lady, you honor me with your visit," I said, keeping my head bowed.

"I won't keep you long. I just wanted to meet Tortall's new queen for myself," she said, running her eyes over me. "You're young, but you have a spark of enigma about you. You could be one of the greatest mortal rulers of your realm- if you make the right choices during your reign."

"How do I know what the right choices are?"

"Some very wise people have been placed in your path. Learn everything you can from them, and then listen to your heart. You have a good one."

"Thank you, my lady," I said, bowing my head again. "I do try to look to the men and women who have helped build Tortall into the realm it is today."

"Here's one of them now," the Goddess said, smiling over my head at a newcomer. I turned to see Lady Alanna approaching, her amethyst eyes nearly glowing in the dim light of the catacombs. The Goddess placed a hand on her shoulder. "My daughter, you have been a loyal servant for many years. I am sorry that you lost your dear friend."

"We all knew Jon wouldn't live forever," Alanna replied. "We just didn't expect your brother to take him so soon."

The Goddess nodded. "I understand," she said. I could only watch the exchange in awe. "Since you have lost your king, there is someone else who wants to spend his days with you." The Goddess moved her robes aside to reveal a small black kitten. It mewed sassily and leapt towards the lady knight, revealing its bright purple eyes.

"Faithful?" Alanna yelped, dropping to her knees to scoop the cat up.

"It's time for The Cat to go wandering once more," the Goddess said with a smile.

"I have missed you," Alanna whispered into the cat's black fur. She looked up at the Goddess, her eyes overbright with unspilled tears. "Thank you for bringing him."

"You have worked hard for many years, but you have a new task before you. Your young queen needs guidance, and your Jonathan would want you to help bridge his reign with his granddaughter's. Hopefully The Cat will bring you some comfort in this new period of your life." The Lioness said nothing, but bowed respectfully, still petting the purring kitten that had made himself at home on her shoulder. The Goddess turned back to me.

"I wish another constellation was prone to wandering, so I could set it to looking after you. You'll have to content yourself with the wisdom of these two and your other friends," she said with a smile. "I look forward to seeing what you make of Tortall in this age of equality between the sexes."

I started to answer, but before I could say anything, the Goddess was gone. I turned to the Lioness, who bowed deeply to me.

"Many years ago I swore fealty to your grandfather and Tortall. I hope you will accept my continued service, Queen Lianokami," she said. Her words gave me chills, and I thought for the thousandth time about how my father should be the one accepting them.

"Thank you, Lady Alanna," I told her.

"I stand by my retirement as King's Champion. If you wish to replace King's Reach, you'll have to find someone else. I hung up that shield when my younger girl was born."

"Lord Faleron is doing well in that post. I would just be happy if I could call on you for advice when the conservative crowd gets on their high horses. I have many advisors, but you have the added benefit of being around when my grandfather was shaping his reign."

"I'll help however I can, even if it means turning into a politician," Alanna said.

"With that handsome lad on your shoulder, you'll definitely be my favorite," I told her, admiring the cat. Alanna's hand found him again.

"I can't believe you're back," she said to him. To my surprise, the cat seemed to speak to her in answer.

You don't really need me, you know, he said, rubbing his head against her forehead.

"No, but I sure am glad to see you," Alanna replied. She bowed her head to me again. "I suppose we should both make ourselves presentable before the funeral."

I thanked her again before she left, then spent another long moment looking at the tombs. Father's glass horse was in my pocket once again, and my fingers closed around it almost involuntarily. I placed my other hand over father's name on the stone. "Miss you," I whispered, and then I left, deciding to head back to my rooms before Mother sent out a search party for me.

This time as I made my way through the halls, I thanked every servant I saw. I spent the afternoon after the funeral accepting condolences alongside my grandmother. It was my first court function as queen, and even though the throne was technically in trust until my birthday, I didn't want to miss the opportunity to observe the people around me. Commoners and courtiers alike, these were the people who I would be swearing to lead and protect.

It was a huge weight, but every time I felt panic coming on, I caught a glimpse of one of the wise people that the Goddess had mentioned- Mother, Auntie Kel, Lady Alanna, Grandmother, Uncle Liam, Cousin Gil, Baron Cooper, Grandmother Thayet- even my brother. There were many others and counting them made me feel more settled. I could do this. I squeezed the glass horse, thinking of my father and grandfather- two more that would continue to influence me even though they were gone.

The Goddess knew what she was doing, visiting me that morning. She had set me on the right path. Thank you, Mother.