I have created a Spotify Playlist of the songs used, so you don't have to go hunting for them. The Playlist will be updated as the fic is updated, so there'll be no spoilers about what's coming down the road.
Songs used in this chapter:
(1) "Waves of Blue" – Majid Jordan
Everything was a blank or a hazy blur as Kagome started to regain consciousness the next morning. Lazily rolling onto her back, Kagome pulled her forearm up and over her eyes and forehead, applying pressure to stave off a low-grade headache. The familiar weight and texture of her comforter and pillow told her exactly where she was, even without having to open her eyes to check.
'What happened…?' she groggily thought to herself, 'How did I… end up in bed?'
She tempted taking a small peek, afraid she'd feel the same swirling dizziness and spinning from yesterday all over again. Even if she couldn't remember the details of how she got there, she could certainly remember how she felt while drunk out of her mind. She wasn't going to be drinking again for some time, that was for sure.
Luckily, the room seemed to have stopped its relentless spiraling, and she didn't feel as disoriented as she did before. She tried desperately to remember what happened the previous night, her memory seeming to fall apart after she'd turned on the record player. She remembered listening to her father's favorite music as she dozed off on the couch, but after that… It was all just a mess.
She vaguely recalled having some water, though she still had some cotton mouth, trying to generate some wetness in her throat. She could hear echoes of the storm in her mind, and the tense fear it caused her whenever there were loud cracks of thunder. There was someone there, she was sure of it. Someone had woken her up. And she remembered… someone holding her. It was warm, and everything felt still.
A flash of gold and silver crossed her mind, and she vaguely wondered, 'Did… Was Inuyasha here?'
There was no way, she was sure it must've just been a vivid dream. Maybe being drunk gave you vividly realistic dreams? How was she supposed to know? It was her first time getting drunk. She had no idea what to expect, other than hopefully not feeling alone… or scared… like she had for the last few days. God, the world had a sick way of you when you're down. The thunderstorms were just the added punch to the gut she needed to remind her that the one person in the world who could always make her feel safe was gone.
She had refused to let herself go down that path again. Kagome had spent days stuck in that thought pattern, and she didn't want to wallow in it anymore; and the wine certainly helped her forget the pain.
It was probably best to get up and have a shower, she reasoned; let her mind and body get refreshed so she could get herself back on track. Pushing her comforter off her body, she dragged her weak limbs up to sit upright on the side of her bed, making sure her legs were steady enough to hold her weight. There was a small shudder, but she maintained her balance, and she started making her way to her door, taking the handle in her palm and pulling it open.
Her body froze in place, her hand bracing against the door as she realized what she thought was a dream was in fact a reality. There was Inuyasha, fast asleep, on her couch.
The wind felt like it'd been knocked from her chest as she tried to rationalize what she'd vaguely remembered from the previous night that all seemed to instantly come rushing back to her; Inuyasha waking her up and giving her some water and maybe some meds. Feeling his arms around her while she cried. She even felt like she could recall the warmth of his lips on hers, and the distinct taste of him on her tongue.
There was no way… It had to have been her imagination. It had to be the alcohol making her hallucinate it.
Her own sanity can into question, unable to figure out if what happened last night was real, or just drunken wishful thinking presenting itself as a memory. It was unfathomable because… she knew Inuyasha mustn't have been interested in her that way. After all, he was the one who'd stopped her when she tried to kiss him barely two weeks ago.
Unless… maybe she'd forced herself on him? Oh god, what if she'd drunkenly kissed Inuyasha? The idea that she'd acted inappropriately with him mortified her, and she panicked, thinking that she'd potentially ruined their friendship by being an idiot.
But seeing him lying there, on her couch so casually, like he didn't have a care in the world, it did things to her insides. As much as she should have been freaking out that he was in her apartment, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to feel any other way but happy. Happy to see him there, and to know he was near.
She let out a soft sigh, her body finally letting herself relax a little. She loosened her grip on the door and tempted walking further into the living room, keeping her eyes fixed on her half-demon home invader. His legs were crossed at the ankle, his entire frame barely fitting within the length of the furniture itself. One of his arms was laid lazily over his stomach while the other was thrown up over his head. His ear twitched in his sleep and Kagome tried hard to not giggle out loud at how adorable he looked; just like a sleeping puppy.
His face was soft. Content. It was such a contrast to what Kagome was used to seeing from him; his brows were almost always furrowed, even when he was joking around with her. His jaw would always tense whenever something particularly sensitive would come up in conversation. It made her wonder what he was dreaming about that made him appear so calm now.
She realized that he must've come here when she was a no show at the studio. Kagome faintly remembered that she'd promised Sango she was going to meet up with them, but once the storm started, and then she'd started drinking, Kagome quickly lost track of the days, and knew they must've gotten worried.
Some friend she was; flaking out on them. The least she could've done was text them or something. But she knew Sango would've come over immediately if Kagome had said something was wrong. Sango was too good a friend to ignore Kagome's pain. And at the time, Kagome just didn't want to burden to anyone with her grief. Her fears. Her insecurities. She didn't want to put her pain onto Sango anymore. She didn't deserve to have to shoulder Kagome's angst, and Kagome wouldn't have let her.
But she definitely hadn't expected it to be Inuyasha who would be the one to come see her.
So lost in thought, Kagome didn't even realize that Inuyasha's nose started to wriggle, her scent hitting his senses and waking him swiftly. She was startled a little when he let out a large inhale and raised both his arms to stretch his back out. On exhale, he relaxed back into the couch, cracking his eyes open and seeing Kagome standing at the other end of the couch, seemingly watching him. She didn't look freaked out to see him there, so that was a good sign. But she still looked tired.
"Hey, feelin' any better?" he asked with a slight gruffness in his voice, leaning up to sit properly on the couch.
Kagome stumbled a little over her words as she tried to speak coherently, "Uh… y-yeah. Though… I'm a… I'm not really sure what happened."
Inuyasha invited her to sit down on the couch so she could regain her bearings before he let her know, "We were waiting for you at the studio yesterday, but you never showed. Then your mom called Sango and said she couldn't get a hold of you. It got everyone worried, so we went looking for you."
Kagome groaned, pressing her hand into her temples to relieve the growing pressure from the headache she'd long forgotten about, "Oh noo… Was everyone here?"
"Nah, just me," he shook his head and lightly chuckled, "Don't worry. I didn't give them the details, just that you needed some time."
Resting her hand into her lap and leaning back into the couch, she looked over to Inuyasha, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I wasn't in a good headspace, and I just…"
"Hey," he interrupted quietly, giving her a reassuring smirk, "You don't hafta apologize. It's fine."
Kagome granted him a smile, thankful for his understanding. She then asked, "How did you get in here anyways? I'm gonna have to boost the security around here."
He scoffed at her light tease before he threw his thumb over his shoulder towards the window he came in through, "Knocked the latch on your window outta the way with my claws. Got in without having to break anything. I tried buzzing, but when you didn't answer, I came up to the windows to make sure you weren't hurt or anythin'."
Kagome realized just how worried they all must've gotten, "I didn't mean to cause such a fuss."
"Well, you can make it up to your mom and Sango by calling them when you're more yourself," he leaned over to where he knew her phone was, unplugging it from the charging cable and throwing it to her.
She made a meager effort to catch it before powering on the phone and seeing a multitude of texts and missed calls, mostly from the two women in particular. She looked up at Inuyasha, "Thanks, I will. They deserve an explanation."
Inuyasha gave a quick nod, looking back at the coffee table and all the discarded containers, glasses, and bottles, jokingly saying, "Seems like you had a hellova time. Wish you'd invited us to the party."
She laughed a little, "I'm never doing that again."
"Everyone says that after their first time getting wasted," he joked.
Kagome shook her head with a light scoff, "No, seriously, I'm almost positive I blacked out. I can't recall much and it's kinda freaking me out that I don't remember what I did or what happened at all."
Inuyasha listened carefully to the wording choice.
"Did I do anything embarrassing or stupid? God, I hope not," Kagome asked in a lighthearted manner, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. However, in the back of her mind, she was probing him. She wanted to know if she did anything stupid… like kiss him! But at the same time, if she did just dream it, or hallucinate it, she didn't want to openly admit that to him. How awkward would that be?
Inuyasha, on the other hand, considered whether or not she even remembered the kiss. Maybe not? Oh god, what if she wasn't fully conscious of it? Inuyasha suddenly felt a pit in his stomach, an intense pang of guilt.
'Of course,' he berated himself mentally. She was drunk because she was mourning and grief-stricken and scared. She missed her father and Inuyasha just wanted to comfort her. But… the way she smelled, the way she looked at him. He had been so sure in the moment she'd wanted that as well.
Now, he felt like the biggest asshole in the world.
He decided it was better to not bring it up, fearing that she would hate him for it. If she didn't remember it, maybe it was for the best.
"No, you're fine. If anything, you're one of the better drunks I've seen," Inuyasha answered, trying to simultaneously reassure her that she didn't do anything wrong, and play off his own recklessness.
Kagome took a relaxing breath after his answer. In a way, she was both happy that she hadn't done anything to scare him off, but at the same time… she was sad to know that it was all just a dream.
A wonderful fantasy.
She replied, "Oh thank god. I was worried there for a bit when I woke up and had no idea how I'd gotten into bed or anything."
Inuyasha tried to smile, though he was sure it looked fake. He continued, "You were passed out on the couch after rambling a little, and I figured it was better to get you into the bed to sleep it off."
"And then you slept on the couch…" Kagome continued wistfully, before thinking, 'What a gentleman.'
He nodded, "I wanted to make sure you got up okay. I promised Sango I'd stay 'til morning, make sure you were alright."
Kagome nodded, "It's very sweet that you stayed. You've done so much for me these last few days, I don't know where I'd be if you weren't there. I appreciate it."
Inuyasha turned to look back at her in slight confusion, before she continued, "Bringing me to the hospital. Going back to your place to get my purse. Coming here to check on me for Sango and my mom. Charging my phone while I'm passed out drunk. Staying on the couch after putting me to bed. I don't know too many people who'd go out of their way for me like that."
As she listed the various things he'd done for her since the day her father died, Inuyasha realized he was probably letting protective nature show through. Damn his instincts.
"Keh, don't read too much into it. Plenty of us would've done that, and you woulda done the same for me," he played it off like as if all the things he did were nothing.
Taken aback by his nonchalant attitude, Kagome decided it was best to change the subject, "Well, you're welcome to stay, if you want," she offered sincerely, standing from the couch and gaining Inuyasha's attention again. She continued, "Help yourself to whatever you like in the kitchen. I'm just gonna take a shower and I'll be back in a little bit."
"Sure thing," Inuyasha nodded politely, unsure that he even wanted to stay so she could return to her privacy once again. But her smile convinced him to bite his tongue. He watched as she disappeared into her bathroom, the sound of the faucet squeaking and running water shortly after. He slumped against the couch, running his hands up and over his face and into his hair. What the hell had he gotten himself into?
After about half an hour, and a scaldingly hot shower to wash off the three days worth of sweat and grime, Kagome emerged from the bathroom, wrapped securely in a towel, not seeing Inuyasha anywhere nearby, 'Maybe he decided to leave? No, he wouldn't have left without saying something…'
She quickly closed her bedroom door behind her to get dressed in something more presentable, and to get her hair brushed and braided. As she finished the braid and secured it, she heard the front door to her apartment open and close. She called out, "Inuyasha?"
"Yeah, it's me," she heard him shout back along with some things being shuffled or place down on her island counter. She opened the door to her bedroom only to find a small array of coffee and bagged food items on her counter. He'd gone to get them breakfast.
"Inuyasha, you didn't have to get all this," she tried to explain.
His response was to quickly pull open her fridge door, showing the lack of food contained within it, which Kagome understood immediately and realized why he ran the errand, "You didn't seem to have very much, so I figured it'd be better to just grab something down the street."
She stood at the edge of the counter with her arms lightly folded against her chest, and just watched as he started taking the food out from the bags. She asked, "How much was it? Let me at least pay you back for it."
"Nope," he chided back, offering her one of the cups of coffee, though Kagome initially refused to take it.
"Let me pay for it, please," she repeated, "You've already done too much."
"Just take the coffee, would ya?" he pushed back, ignoring her pleas.
Eventually, she relented, loosening her arms and taking the cup that was given to her. She looked down at the cup for a few moments. She raised her cup to her lips before saying, "You didn't have to do all this."
"Keh, whatever," he scoffed back, taking a sip of his own coffee.
When she did finally take a sip of her drink, she was both shocked, but not really shocked, to find it was her usual order. Inuyasha knew her tastes. After all, they'd spent two days every week, for the last few weeks, sharing meals, getting or making coffee, and divulging personal information with each other while song writing together.
But with the way he was acting now — exactly like how he treated her back when they first met — it made her genuinely wonder what was going on in his head. He did always say he was more a man of action, and that words usually failed him. But what was she supposed think when he would do such considerate things, like bring her her favorite coffee order to help her recover from the hangover from hell, but in the same instance, could act so cold towards her, like he didn't even care. Like it was nothing.
She got so lost in her thoughts that she was genuinely startled when he asked, jutting his chin in her direction, "You gonna have that?"
She looked down at the counter, noticing the chocolate croissant sitting patiently in front of her. She hadn't even realized when he'd place it there.
After they ate and had their coffees, Kagome committed to calling her mom and Sango. She knew those were going to be intense conversations, but they needed to happen.
"I'm gonna head out," Inuyasha said abruptly, leading Kagome to whip her head away from her phone to look over her shoulder, seeing him moving to get his shoes on and ready to leave.
"Wait!" she motioned towards him, "You don't have to go, really."
Inuyasha stalled his movement for a second before continuing politely, "You've got some calls to make, and I've gotta be somewhere."
He lied. He didn't have to be anywhere. But it was easier than saying he didn't want to make her feel awkward anymore. His usual curt attitude was coming out, because he was trying to overcorrect for his protective instincts, and he didn't like himself when he was like that with her. That wasn't who he wanted to be around her, "Besides, I've already invaded your space long enough."
Kagome's shoulders sagged a little and her expression become despondent, so Inuyasha tried his best to reassure her, "But… if you're up for it… I'll see ya on Wednesday? Usual time?"
He watched her eyes flutter back to meet his gaze as some of that radiance in her smile returned, "Yeah… yeah, that'd be good."
He offered her a faint smirk before giving a single wave, and he left as soundlessly as he arrived the day before.
Kagome waited a few seconds before letting out a trembling sigh. And now, she was alone again.
It took her a few minutes to work up the courage to hit the call button on her phone. But when she did, she didn't have to wait long before she heard her mother's anxious voice on the other end of the line, "Kagome?!"
"Hey Mom," she answered, "Sorry I missed your calls."
"Kagome, are you alright?! What happened?"
She sighed, "I'm fine. I just had a bad day. I was doing okay up until the storm started the other day."
"Oh dear," her mom's voice was suddenly so calm and soothing, "Was it that bad?"
Kagome found it unexpectedly hard to use her voice, "Mhm…"
"Oh Kagome, I'm so sorry. I wish you had called me. I would've come over and we could've weathered it together. I know it wouldn't be exactly like how it was with your father, but you don't have to go through it alone just because he's gone."
Trying to keep herself from going down that road again, Kagome let out a small shaky breath, "It's fine, everything's fine, Mom. I promise, if it happens again, I'll call next time. 'Kay?"
There was a slight pause, "Well, at the very least, text me or one of your friends. You'll need their support now more than ever."
Kagome nodded against the phone. When she didn't respond, her mom continued, "Sango came by yesterday. She said they were all out looking for you, and that young man who brought you to the hospital found you at your apartment."
There was a moment of panic. Inuyasha had said he didn't give many details to them about what happened, so how much did they really know," Uh, yeah, he did… I was a sleep on the couch, and I had the music turned up too high, so I didn't hear the buzzer. He managed to check-in through one of the windows, and saw that I was okay. He told me everything this morning."
She could hear her mom's sigh of relief, "I'm glad he was there. He seems like a good person to have around in tough situations."
Kagome did her best to ignore the flashes in her mind… of her kissing Inuyasha, "Yeah, he's uh… he's definitely reliable."
"Well, I don't want to keep you. I'm just relieved to know you're alright," her mom said. They briefly discussed Kagome coming home for dinner soon, but before she could say goodbye, she stopped herself, "Oh, and please be sure to talk to Sango as well. She seemed anxious as well, and I know she wants to hear from you as well."
"Don't worry, I was going to call her right after you," Kagome spoke with a drawl, the way any child would when a parent reminds them of something they already knew.
Her mom could only laugh a little, "Alright then. Take care, and again. Please call or text whenever you need to… alright?"
"Thanks, Mom. I will," Kagome felt better when she hung up the phone, knowing her mom wasn't angry with her.
She hoped Sango would be as patient. She pressed the call button, and much like her mother, Kagome didn't have to wait long for her to pick up, "Hey!"
"Hey Sango," Kagome started sheepishly, "I'm so sorry about flaking out yesterday."
"Forget about that! Are you okay?!" Sango replied eagerly.
"Oh, um… yeah, I'm fine," Kagome was a little taken back by her response.
"Inuyasha said you were passed out on the couch with the music blaring. What happened? Did you take something?" Kagome would have to have a conversation with Inuyasha about what constituted "details".
"Um, yeah. Well… you see… I kinda have something to confess," Kagome went on to explain to Sango her fear about thunderstorms and how her father would always comfort her or sit on the phone with her during one to make her feel better. It always made her feel not as alone. But now that he was gone,.. when the storm started the other day, Kagome didn't know what to do. Her grief had just overwhelmed her, and she just didn't want to feel that emptiness. So, she started having some of the wine she'd bought, and before she knew it, it had been a few days, and she'd totally lost track of time.
"I only remember putting on one of my Dad's favorite records and I started blasting it to try and block out the thunder, but everything after that is spotty," she neglected to tell Sango about any of her hallucinations, or dreams, or whatever they were, about Inuyasha being there. She figured that wasn't important at the moment.
"Oh Kagome, I'm so sorry. That must've been so hard," Sango said after Kagome finished her explanation.
"Still, it doesn't excuse what I did. I should've texted, or called. I'm sorry I made you worry about me," her apology was sincere. Sango was a good friend. She didn't deserve to be treated that way, and Kagome was determined to be better.
"I'm just glad Inuyasha found you before anything serious happened," Sango replied, "I hope he behaved himself while he was there. I'd hate to think he did anything to take advantage of you while you were like that."
"No, no! He didn't do anything like that," Kagome waved off, "If anything… he…" Kagome paused, wondering she should tell Sango this. Inuyasha was her band mate. She was sure they talk about stuff like this. Well… maybe not.
"He, what?" Sango asked in a warning tone, hoping Kagome wasn't implying something nefarious.
Kagome shook her head, "He… actually put me to bed… then he slept on the couch all night."
Sango let out a verbal sound of confusion, "We're talking about the same guy here, right? Six foot-something half-demon with an attitude?"
Her heart sped up a little when she remembered waking up to find him on the couch, "Yeah… He actually looks kinda cute when he's asleep."
Sensing the smallest hint of delight in her friend's voice — a welcome sound these days — Sango encouraged her down that path, "Well… maybe you should consider asking him out sometime. I know you two have already been spending some time together. Why not see if it goes anywhere more interesting?"
Kagome almost dropped her phone at the insinuation, "Sangooo! No! NO! There's no way!"
"Why not?!" she challenged lightheartedly, "You've already put off dating for so long. You deserve to start having some fun. And from what I can tell, Inuyasha seems to have really warmed up to you. Helping you with your song writing and all…"
"How did you know about that?!" Kagome questioned.
Her friend's laugh did little to soothe Kagome's anxiety, "He may have let it slip when we were leaving the shrine last week. But it's no big deal, right?"
Kagome sighed, "It's not what you think…"
"Funny, he said the same thing," Sango chided back playfully, "Come on, Kagome. Would it be so wrong to just try going on a date with him?"
"I mean, I could end up with a bad situation where I lose my song writing partner, or I mess up the dynamic of the band, or…"
"Kagome… breathe… you're over-thinking it."
"Uh, I know… I just… I like him as a friend, that's all. And I don't wanna mess that up," Kagome tried to explain. It was true, as much as she knew she was attracted to Inuyasha, she cared too much about his friendship to jeopardize it.
He was too important to her to lose over something stupid like a bad date.
"Besides, "Kagome continued, "I have a feeling he's not interested in me that way."
"Hm? What makes you say that?" Sango pressed carefully, wondering how Kagome could possibly have gotten that impression from him.
"Well… I don't really know… sometimes he does super sweet things, like bringing me coffee and breakfast this morning, or staying on my couch to make sure I woke up okay, but… then he'll come off as cold or distant. We… we were at his place doing some work, and… I may have tried to kiss him."
Sango couldn't help but interject, her voice high and sassy, "Ka-GOME?! Good for you!"
"But…" Kagome pumped the brakes, "He stopped me… I thought for a second he wanted to too, but then he stopped me and…. God, I was so embarrassed."
"Did he say why?"
Thinking back, Kagome struggled to remember if he'd given a reason, only to realize she'd stopped him from giving her one. She'd been too ashamed and didn't want to hear him say that he didn't see that way, so she just asked him to forget it ever happened, "No… I wouldn't let him."
"Listen, Kagome…" Kagome's attention refocused on her friend's voice, "It's not my place to speak for him, but Inuyasha has had a complicated life. I'm sure he's told you a bit about how he grew up or his previous relationship. I only know bits and pieces from what Miroku's told me, but Inuyasha is definitely someone who moves slow. He's been hurt… a lot, and… maybe he just needs some time."
Kagome thought about it for a second, "You think?"
"Yeah," Sango continued, "How about this? It seems like you both need some time right now. Why not take the summer, see how things progress with the music, and when you're feeling more yourself, and Inuyasha's come a bit further out of that shell of his, maybe consider giving it a try."
It sounded rational. Why did Sango always have to be so logical?
"That sounds reasonable," Kagome conceded.
With a giggle, Sango was absolutely giddy thinking about her perpetually single best friend potentially having a *gasp* date, "You can't keep putting off life, Kagome. If don't take risks, you'll reap no rewards."
"Thanks, Buddha," they both had a good laugh before Kagome sincerely said, "But seriously, thanks Sango. I don't know what I'd do without you."
She was sure she could hear Sango's smile through the phone, "Well, you can thank me by meeting up with us… when you're feeling up for it, that is."
"For sure, I think I just need another day or two, and I'll be okay. For now, I'm gonna put on some music that doesn't make me depressed and I'll be good to go," she confirmed.
"Good. Call me if you need anything okay?" Sango reiterated. Kagome agreed and they said their goodbyes.
Kagome left her phone on the couch before walking over to her record player by her window. She saw the record she'd been playing the day before, its needle placed back in its spot and the player fully turned off. She decided to take off the record, carefully packing it back into its appropriate sleeve before pulling out a new one. She placed the record on, switching on the player, and delicately lowering the needle until it touched vinyl and slowly turning the volume up to a more reasonable hum (1).
She felt good. As sad as she was that her father was gone, she was happy she still had people surrounding her, all of whom were there for her when she really needed it. Her Mom, Sango… Inuyasha.
She was grateful.
This took a while to write. Anyone else start a chapter going one way, and halfway through, you're like, "How did I end up here?"
That was me every time I sat to write this thing. It was very emotionally conflicting, but I hope it works. (I think I need a beta-reader).
I'm gonna start working on the next chapter next week cuz of course, holiday season is upon us, so it'll be hectic.
Be sure to fav/subscribe/follow/etc, and leave a comment/review if you're enjoying the fic!
Until Next Time…